Latest / Movie Meltdown / 171: Gifted and Talented

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171: Gifted and Talented · Movie Meltdown

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, oh, hello with the mm-hmm. This would be a
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: good time to remind everyone to turn off their cell
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: phones and pagers. You put them on vibrate so as
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: to enjoy the show.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Anyway.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Falling Program is a proud member of the Palava family
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: of podcasts. Check out all the shows over at palava.com.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: That's P-A-L-A-V-A dot com.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: It's showtime.
• 0:21
  Speaker 4: The following feature has been rated R by the Motion
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  Speaker 4: Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences
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  Speaker 4: and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out
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  Speaker 4: one million.
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  Speaker 1: Kilowatts of power.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: What's up and welcome.
• 1:12
  Speaker 5: To Movie Meltdown.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: I'm Brian and this episode I have a special guest co-host.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: We have comedian Alicia Wood.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Hello everybody.
• 1:22
  Speaker 5: You were here in.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: Town so I thought we would try to take advantage
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: of that and sit down with you and do some
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: crossover stuff here. Let you kind of tell people about
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: your comedy and then, uh, work in some movie stuff
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: as well. So I guess just start off with like
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: an introduction to you. I like how, and I've seen
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: a lot of different press from all these different cities
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: and I like how everybody likes to claim you, especially
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: if you have different ties to different cities. So everything
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: that comes up, it's just like, Oh, Louisiana comedian, Seattle comedian, uh,
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: Louisville comedian yeah you name it anybody else and then
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: it's like Los Angeles resident like everybody has a different
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: take on what they uh think you are so I
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: guess do you.
• 2:05
  Speaker 5: Want to give your real origin story.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Or well yeah here's I'm a long story as part
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: of the problem um and then everybody's like oh army
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: no I just just it just kind of worked out
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: that way when I I'm a Louisiana native I was
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: born in New Orleans uh schooled in Baton Rouge summers
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: in New Orleans and then uh When my parents got
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: divorced when I was 12, my mom took us up
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: to Washington. Genetically, I'm Texan because my father's from Texas,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: and I don't care. I don't care where you actually
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: are raised. If your dad is Texan, there's a large
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: portion of you that is Texan.
• 2:37
  Speaker 6: You know, it's just, it doesn't change.
• 2:38
  Speaker 5: We have one of the crew that has that. Yeah, yeah.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: So I really don't have, I've never lived in Texas,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: but my whole entire paternal side of the family is Texan.
• 2:46
  Speaker 6: And so I would say I'm definitely part Texas.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: And then.
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: Whether you like it or not.
• 2:49
  Speaker 6: Whether I like it or not. Yeah, yeah.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Barbecue, blah, blah, blah. You know, shady deals. It's very Texan.
• 2:55
  Speaker 7: And.
• 2:56
  Speaker 6: And then let's see.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: So moved to Seattle when I was 12 and I
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: was there. I went to middle school, high school and
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: college and I used college loosely. I took an improv
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: class and a Spanish class and I failed both.
• 3:07
  Speaker 5: That's really all you need, right?
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 3:08
  Speaker 6: And I failed Spanish three times.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: And I think it's one of those things where it's
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: like I did the same thing with geometry where it's
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: like I got it. It's a stupid thing. I don't
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: know why I have to take this again.
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: And so I'm never going to use it again.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's one of those things, it's like you
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: know it so well that you can't pay attention, so
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: you don't, it's a weird thing where it's like, I
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: know this, so I'm not learning it, okay?
• 3:28
  Speaker 6: So, whatever.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I don't think I even did that. Yeah, well, and
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I only took those classes so that I could see
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: if I could go to college.
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Because I dropped out of school when I was 15,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: like October of my sophomore year. Like I barely made
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: it out of my freshman year basically, which was hilarious
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: because I was a class officer and everything.
• 3:45
  Speaker 6: And I just was like, fuck this.
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: Lead by example.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I probably should have asked if I could swear.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: But I'm assuming because we're podcasting.
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: We do constantly. So feel free.
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: So, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And then I left Seattle in 2008. 2000, actually, in
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: December of 2000, I left Seattle and I moved to
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: New Jersey. I was attempting to move to New York,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: but it got really fucked up really fast. And it's
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: one of those things where you pack your car, you
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: drive cross country, you've got three grand, you've got a
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: roommate on the other side. And I had a friend
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: of mine from Seattle that was moving out there for
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: a job. So he was buying a house and it
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: was supposed to be like, you know, within a 10
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: mile radius of New York.
• 4:21
  Speaker 6: The house deal fell through.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: So then he was like, but don't worry, I'm only
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: like 20 more miles out now.
• 4:26
  Speaker 6: We're in Hopatcong, New Jersey.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, all right. And so, but it
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: turned out being in Hopatcong, New Jersey meant it was
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: a $ 20 cab ride to get to the subway so
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: that you could get to the, I mean, it was just,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: it was a mess. So like the whole New York
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: thing quickly became obsolete. And I only had three grand
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: when I started the trip. So I maybe had $ 400
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: when I got there. And so I did have a
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: place to stay and I had free rent for a
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: little while until I got on my feet. But I
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: had to get a temp job, and I worked at
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Verizon Wireless in their headquarters.
• 4:55
  Speaker 7: Nice.
• 4:55
  Speaker 6: And I hated it, like, you know, because, I.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Mean, I was in my early 20s, and I was like,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: you're stuffing me in a suit, and I don't want
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: to be in a suit, and I'm a comic, and
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: this is stupid. But I was a really good administrative assistant,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: so I ended up working three tiers down from the
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: CEO position.
• 5:09
  Speaker 6: And you know what I mean?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Like all the other assistants hated me because they thought
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: I wanted their job. And I, by no stretch of
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: the imagination, even wanted to have my job, much like
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: their job.
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: And, um, so I made enough money to buy another
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: car and cause something happened to my car at some point.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I don't remember what. And, uh, but I did need
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: a car when I, I think maybe I sold my
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: car and I don't know what happened. I really don't remember,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: but like, so I ended up buying a car off
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: of a corporate lawyer that worked there for like $ 1, 500 who, um,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: one day just had a nervous breakdown and was like,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: why am I driving a $ 1, 500 car when I'm a
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: corporate lawyer? Like, I have so much money.
• 5:41
  Speaker 6: What am I doing?
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: You know? And so he ended up selling his car
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: to me without telling his wife and buying a new car,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: which was like this super snazzed out, fancy pants, expensive car. And,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: you know, of course the wife's like, I don't care
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: how much money you make. You were fine in the Honda,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: you know, like, so, um, And so they let me
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: make payments on it. So I quit my job within
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: nine months or a year. I spent September 11th. I
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: was working at the headquarters in New Jersey when the
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: planes hit. And there's a lot of commuters between New
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: York and New Jersey. So it was a really traumatic
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: and crazy thing. And two months after that, I left
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: and I went back out on the road. In 2004,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I was swinging through Louisville. And my best friend since
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: third grade from Louisiana lives here. She's a ballerina. And, um, she,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I hadn't been home in three months and I was
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: paying rent on a place in New Jersey that I
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: hadn't seen in three months. I literally had not seen it.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Hadn't talked to it. Didn't know how it was doing.
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: That's a good business plan.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And so she was like, well, why don't you just
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: move here and get out of debt? And, um, you know,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I'll charge you rent like five bucks a day if
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: you're here. So I was like never here, but like,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, my rent was usually like 30 bucks, you know?
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And if it was a bad month where I didn't have,
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: it was 150 bucks, you know, like my rent was
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: so cheap. And so got out of debt and then
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: moved to Los Angeles in 2005.
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  Speaker 6: So yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And so I've been there ever since. So Louisiana native, uh, Seattle,
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Seattle is still home. I don't know how to say
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: that as Seattle is really home to me. Um, you know,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: time in Jersey, time in Kentucky based in LA, that
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: would be the quick version.
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: That's quite a story there.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: So in the, in the moving around in the family issues?
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: Is this where the drama was born and the comedy?
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Kind of. I mean, you mean like with my act?
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: Well, yeah. What became you, I suppose, in your comedic sense?
• 7:30
  Speaker 6: I'm not really sure to be.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, I do know why I am the way
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I am, but like there's so many reasons why I'm
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: the way that I am that I feel like there's
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: not one clear cut thing. I mean, When we left Louisiana,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: we went from being crazy rich to being crazy poor.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: You know, so to have that huge, like, riches to
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: rags thing happen, that'll fuck your head up.
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: That's not how you're supposed to do it.
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: And, oh, my poor mom. I was not gracious to
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: my mom at all. I was the worst kid. And
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: I now, of course, make fun of my mom for
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: a living who, you know, was– You know, she was
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: a single parent. My dad's a wealthy doctor. He's not
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: paying child support, you know, like, you know, and she's
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: just like, and she's trying to do the thing where
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: you don't bash the dad, even though the dad's all
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: of the problems. And so she's trying to give everybody
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: a well-adjusted upbringing, but it's not working. And like she
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: was going to school during the she was going to
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: school full time at night and working full time during
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: the day. cross picket lines so she could feed her kids.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: And then she comes home and I'm like, fuck you.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I like dad, you know, like, so like I was
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: the worst kid. Like, but, um, you know, but it's
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: one of those things you only know looking back on
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: like how awesome your mom was. Cause I just hated
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: her guts when we were growing up, you know, like, and,
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: but it was cause she was being a mom.
• 8:35
  Speaker 6: She was doing the things you're supposed to do, but
• 8:37
  Speaker 6: you know.
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: It's supposed to work like that in that mid range there.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: You get a little older.
• 8:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah. But she was hilarious.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: She would try and parent me and she couldn't, she
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: wasn't there, you know, and before cell phones and like
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: everybody had pagers, And, like, I remember she tried to
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: ground me when I was a teenager from the phone.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, that's the most stupid. You
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: can't ground me from the phone.
• 8:55
  Speaker 6: You're not here. How are you going to?
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: So she called me from work and she would go,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I'd go, hello. And this is before caller ID. And
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I'd go, hello.
• 9:01
  Speaker 6: And she'd go, you're not supposed to be on the phone.
• 9:03
  Speaker 6: You know, and I'd be like.
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: Stop calling me.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you going to do about it, huh, mom?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: And so the next day she took all of the
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: phones in the house and she put them in a
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: late tote bag. And she took them to work. So
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: when I got home from school, I was like, oh,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: my God, there are no phones. So then I was
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: a manipulator. So I was like, well, you know, if
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: there was an emergency, what would you do, mom? And
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: she was like, well, I suppose you could go to
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: a neighbor's house.
• 9:26
  Speaker 6: And I'm like, really?
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, my mom was always doing that kind of stuff. Or, like,
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I'd sneak out and I'd jump back in. My mom
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: slept like a feather. I don't know if you can
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: sleep like a feather, but you know what I mean.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: And I was on the second story. So I managed
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: to figure out how to sneak out of my second
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: story window. Jump from the balcony down to the lower
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: floor and then just take off. And we were all
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: doing this in high school. And I came back in
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: one night and I was like, my mom's so fucking stupid.
• 9:52
  Speaker 6: She doesn't know.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: And I go to jump back in and she had
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: put pots and pans all along the bottom of the
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: window ledge. So when I went in, not only was
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: it uncomfortable. huge clatter, but like I think I twisted
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: my ankle.
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: She's crafty.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: She was very crafty. I mean, really, the reality is
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: that I spent most of my childhood trying desperately to
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: outsmart my mom to no avail. I mean, like I
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: might get her in one thing, but not not. It's
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: like she was the one that taught me the phrase,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: you might win the battle, but you're not going to
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: win the war.
• 10:21
  Speaker 6: And so, yeah.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: So any testament to me being somewhat well adjusted is
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: definitely to her fiercely trying to bring me back in,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: you know, and I repay her with that by crucifying
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: her nightly on stage. Nice. So, yeah. But she really
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: is an amazing mom and an amazing person.
• 10:35
  Speaker 6: And so I always feel bad when people come up
• 10:37
  Speaker 6: to me and they're like, if you're.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: A mom, you're beautiful and you're smart and you're funny.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: And if your mom doesn't like you, then fuck her.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: You know, and I'm like, no, my mom's cool. My
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: mom's cool. Like it's, But that's not the funny part.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: My mom being awesome is not the funny part. It's
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: all of the disconnects and the not getting along. And
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: that's where all the humor lives to me. So that's
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: way too long of an answer.
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: But yeah, that's my answer, I think. Also, you know,
• 10:59
  Speaker 6: like my dad was an abortionist.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: So when I was in, he was a women's health
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: care provider, but also provided abortions.
• 11:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: And so and my parents felt like the safest place
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: to put me was in a private Christian school.
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: Which was horrible.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: And, you know, because they knew the owner of the school,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: so they were like, oh, well, he'll keep an eye
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: on her. He'll make sure she's safe. Because it was
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: very turbulent in the 80s with, you know, abortion and
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: all that. And, you know, my dad had to wear
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: bulletproof vests and had guns. And so, like, it's the
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: fucking worst because everybody knew that my dad was the
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: baby killer. And so, you know, when you're the kid
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: of a murderer, as far as they're concerned, like, And
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I knew what he did, but I knew in a
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: kid comprehension way, like, you know, like, you know, your
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: dad saves moms when if the baby is going to
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: be a threat to the mom, then your dad stops
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: the baby from coming or whatever.
• 11:51
  Speaker 6: You know, if the baby, whatever, you know.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: So like I knew that much, but like, and, and,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: and before that, all I knew was my dad was
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: a doctor and doctors are great, you know? So, um,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: but yeah, I had people would try and, um, beat
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: me up and start fights. I was always in the
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: principal's office. It was never, I never started it, but
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I'll fucking finish it. And, um, yeah. And my dad is,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: you know, being Texan, even though he's a doctor and
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: has all these medical, he has multiple medical degrees.
• 12:14
  Speaker 6: Like he's very smart.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: And, um, even still like, He has a mouth like
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: you would not believe on him. And so I picked
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: all that up.
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: Nice.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: Humor. I got humor from my dad. My dad's very funny.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: But he raised me on, like, street jokes that were always, like, racist, sexist, homophobic.
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: You can use so many of those now.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: And I wouldn't understand them. So I would be like,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: I don't. He'd go, and that's why Indians are drunks,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: you know, or whatever.
• 12:37
  Speaker 6: And I'd be like, what?
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: And he'd be like, okay, see, baby, see, okay, Indians
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: are drunks. So he was basically, through the process of
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: explaining how jokes work to me, he was also explaining jokes.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: hatred and sexism and homophobia. And, and, um, and I
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: quickly learned that that was actually, but only my dad
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: thought that was funny. And, but in the South, of course,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: those jokes at that time were hilarious, you know, with
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: a lot of that. Right. And so now I, if
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: anyone's like, I got a joke for you, I'm like,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I do, I do not give a shit.
• 13:03
  Speaker 6: I do not want to hear it.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I promise you, my dad has an arsenal of, I'm
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: sure I've heard it before. And if I haven't, I
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: don't want to hear it. And I, I, so it's
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: weird because like, I love comedy, but I hate jokes.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:13
  Speaker 6: And, um, but yeah, so my dad was constantly, all right.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Just don't tell your mother. This is just one thing
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: and do not tell your mother. And, um, so when
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: I went to school and, you know, this is, I mean, really,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: and this was also, you have to understand the first
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: year that they had done segregation in Baton Rouge, where
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: they were rezoning all the schools. And so there were
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: going to be, there was going to be more diversity
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: in the schools, which is a good thing. So all
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: the white parents freaked out and took their kids out
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: of school and stuck them in these private schools that
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: had all opened up.
• 13:39
  Speaker 6: So I was in one of those.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: So everybody's racist and like, You know, in the name
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: of Jesus, racist in the name of Jesus.
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: Oh, well, that makes it fine.
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: And so– and they really felt that was safe. But
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: what– it made me a target is what it did. Like,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: had I been in public school, I think that– because
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: when I did finally go to public school in, like,
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: fifth grade, like, life was so much easier for me.
• 13:59
  Speaker 6: And– but, yeah.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: And I didn't really understand it because I was like,
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: but my dad's a good guy.
• 14:03
  Speaker 6: My dad's a doctor. And they were like, baby killer.
• 14:04
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Um, and so my mom had sent me to school
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: and like, don't use any of the words that your
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: father says. And there's words we can't say you'll get
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: in trouble. And, uh, cause my mom's totally not like that.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: You know, she was the one that was like, you know,
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: there's words we don't use in this household.
• 14:20
  Speaker 6: You know, cause they're hurtful and they're not true. And
• 14:21
  Speaker 6: we love everyone equally.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: You know? And I was like, but dad's using all
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: of those words. I'm so confused right now with what's okay.
• 14:26
  Speaker 6: And what's not okay.
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: I think dad made up some new ones.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I know. Yeah. Yeah. And my dad does have some
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: words that I've never heard anyone else use, you know? And, uh,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: and especially when it comes to medicine, like a brain
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: is a noodle. I'm like, what the fuck dad? Like,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: how did you go through all that medical school? I
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: think your arm might be broke. I don't know. But, um,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: but anyway, so going back to, uh, there was six questions.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I just tried to answer that. You only asked me
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: one question. Um, Oh, so like, yeah, so I got
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: in trouble at the principal's office and my mom had
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: to come and she was pissed. Like anytime my mom
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: had to leave work, mad. And so, you know, and
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: she gets there and she's like, what happened? And this
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: kid had, and it was always boys too. It was
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: always boys that were trying to beat me up. And
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: so I think that was, yeah, it kind of made
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: me a little bit tougher too. And older boys, not
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: like boys in my grade. It was like third graders
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: picking on a kindergartner, you know?
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: This is nice.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 15:15
  Speaker 6: And so like, so how did I get fucked up? Yeah,
• 15:18
  Speaker 6: there's a lot of ways I got fucked up, to
• 15:19
  Speaker 6: be honest with you.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Nice.
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: You opened the vault.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Right? And so we're in the principal's office and, you know,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: we get yelled at and the principal like afterwards is like,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: now I told him that he can't be picking on you.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: So don't let any boys pick on you. And In
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: the future, young lady, what are we going to do
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: if someone picks on us? And I'm like, we're going
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: to find an adult, Mr. Starkey. And he's like, that's correct,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: young lady. And this was, of course, you know, very
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: big on ladies versus boys. What boys do and ladies.
• 15:47
  Speaker 6: I'm like five, you know.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: And so he goes, and what are we not going
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: to do next time somebody's picking on us? We're not
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: going to call him a cocksucker, Mr. Starkey. So, yeah,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: it's just like. Then I get in the car and
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: my mom just blows up. She's like, I told you
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: that there's words you don't say at school. And I'm like,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: you didn't say don't say cocksucker. Cocksucker was not on
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: the list. You know, so like it was the worst.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I hated it. I hated school. So I think that's
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: part of why ultimately I dropped out of school was
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: that it was just school was never good for me.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, in Louisiana it was violent. In Washington I
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: felt stupid because Louisiana was the second worst education state
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: in the country.
• 16:26
  Speaker 6: And then Washington was the second best. So I jumped.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: What's that, 46 states of qualities of education.
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: That's a lot to deal with. Right.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: And my mom comes from a highly educated family. So
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: she's like, you're going to love Washington and the schools.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: You're going to learn so much. It's going to be
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: so fun. And we get there and I hated Washington.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: I'd gone from Louisiana, which had jazz and, you know,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: etouffee and jambalaya and crawfish and amazing food to Washington
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: where the culture is like potato soup with rubber chunks.
• 16:54
  Speaker 6: That's what they got.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: That's their big fucking claim to fame is clam chowder,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: you know, and, um, or fish and chips, you know,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, and salmon.
• 17:01
  Speaker 6: And I was, and I didn't like salmon. I was like,
• 17:02
  Speaker 6: this is gross.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: And, um, and I went to school for my first
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: day and my mom was like, you're just going to
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: love it. And, um, this was how I found out
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: that I had a genius IQ, which is pretty fucking
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: amazing considering I can't string anything together and I'm not
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: educated and I very little common sense.
• 17:17
  Speaker 6: Um, but technically fucking genius.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: All right. And so she had stuck me in these
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: classes in Louisiana, which were the magnet gifted program.
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: And when I went to Washington, they didn't look at
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: my paperwork closely. They just stuck me in the gifted
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: and talented program. And the gifted and talented program in
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Washington was for people that were retarded. So the mentally
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: disabled were. So I get to my first day of.
• 17:39
  Speaker 6: School and it's Washington. Everything's so great.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: And people wearing helmets and they're drooling and, you know.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: all that and i just was like this is not
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: correct and and i.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: Was like once again a pc term that sent you
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: down the wrong road right gifted and talented shouldn't really
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: that's just two different things.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Right and that's i mean i think they're horrible terms
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: for both sides of the coin you know like it's
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: condescending at worst you know what i mean like and
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: so or at best but uh So I went home
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: and my mom's like, how was school? And I'm like,
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: those people are retarded. She's like, all right, Alicia, I
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: don't like that word. I've told you I don't like
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: that word. And I'm like, mom, they're retarded. She's like,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: all right, Alicia, you're going to make friends. It's going
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: to be okay. You just have to give it a
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: week or two.
• 18:19
  Speaker 6: You'll meet people.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, mom, you are not listening to me.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: They're retarded.
• 18:24
  Speaker 6: They're wearing helmets. They're drooling.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: And my mom goes, do you mean mentally disabled? Yes,
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: mentally disabled. Call it what you want to call it.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: And she was like, oh, so retarded. My mom went
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: down there and like yelled at me. I was like,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: does anyone read? Does anyone look at paperwork? So they
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: put me in the genius classes, which was called Prism.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: And I got in there and I was like, I
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: don't know what in the fuck is going on right now.
• 18:44
  Speaker 6: I can't.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: So they put me in the middle genius category just
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: because I downgraded myself. I was like, I can't hang
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: you guys. I don't know what is going on. It's horrible.
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: Can I go back to my old classes? I like coloring.
• 18:55
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: So, I mean, until I did stand-up comedy, I didn't
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: really feel like I fit in anywhere ever, I guess.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: And I think that that's a very common piece of
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: the comedian puzzle is some sort of outcast or whatever.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: You know, like I don't think it really has so
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: much to do with pain as it does being sensitive
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: already and feeling like an outcast.
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: Finding a way to deal with things. Yeah.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Neuroses is definitely a big piece of the puzzle. And
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely obviously well qualified for neuroses.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: When did you, I guess, realize that you could do
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: something with it when it sort of clicked that maybe
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: not even as.
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: A job, but just as an outlet for you?
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: You know, I think I knew pretty quickly because I
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: think it's a pretty common myth among open micers that
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: comedy is a therapy. But before I got into it,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I spent six months reading up on it and studying.
• 19:45
  Speaker 6: That's more than most, yeah.
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah, for somebody who couldn't sit through.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: An English class or a Spanish class, I certainly read
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: every book, every book. I watched every comedian that I
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: could get my hands on. And a lot of that
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: was lifelong exposure to comedy. Yeah. Um, when I was 12,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I would go down to Blockbuster and rent everything they had.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: And then I'd go in the next week and go,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: do you have anything new? And they're like, no, nobody
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: cares about comedy. And I'm like, I care.
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: Like standup videos. Yeah.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: There was that rush after the eighties that like they
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: put out everything.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:14
  Speaker 6: And then they stopped, you know, then there was nothing
• 20:16
  Speaker 6: after that.
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: It died for almost 10 years.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I'm probably an eighties connoisseur on standup comedy just from
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: all my time at Blockbuster and digging through thrift store,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: recycle bins and you know, whatever else. But, um, I
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: immediately knew that it was what I wanted to do.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: In my first show, I got one laugh, and I
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: think it was out of pity. I don't think it
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: was a sincere laugh to this day. But getting that
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: laugh was like, okay, now I just want to get
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: a real laugh. And then getting the real laugh was, okay,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: now I just want every joke to get a real laugh.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: And then, okay, now I just want to do this.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: And the first time I got paid to do it,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: I tried to give the money back. I was like,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I don't really understand this whole business concept part of it,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: But yeah, no, I just, I think very quickly it
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: was like, I have things I want to talk about,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: but I know I don't have the skills yet to
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: talk about them. And so it, but it didn't take
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: me long. I think it was within a year. I
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: was definitely talking about family dysfunction and anger and addiction and,
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: you know, things like that.
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: Fun stuff.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: The, I guess being, you know, bothering to study the
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: whole process, I guess, then how do you approach your comedy?
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: Is it something you spend a lot of time writing
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: or is it more of just realizing a story and
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: sort of honing it?
• 21:25
  Speaker 6: I would say both.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, sometimes I've gotten away from jokey jokes. I
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: do have a pretty healthy chunk of jokey jokes in
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: my act, but I've started getting a little bit more
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: into storytelling, but more in like the Woody Allen method
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: of making sure that your stories have punchlines. And, you know,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: I don't like dead space unless it's a very pointed story.
• 21:46
  Speaker 6: You know what I mean?
• 21:46
  Speaker 5: Like awkward silence.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Like it's on purpose.
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: It's supposed to be there.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: It has to be there. It needs to be there.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: The whole thing falls apart if you don't have it,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: you know, like, um, and I kind of want to
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: take a storytelling class and sort of, you know, find
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: out what some of the, the, cause everything I do is,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: is winging it. Yeah.
• 22:03
  Speaker 5: You know, is it something you rehearse a lot?
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: Cause a lot of yours get into very specific, you know, you,
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: you will get into the delivery that's, that's very word heavy.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: And is it something that you have to work on
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: the structure of the jokes themselves?
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely a wordsmith. I mean, every word is very
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: carefully chosen, um, right down to the, do I want
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: a V here or do I just want to kind
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: of get an ellipses in there? I mean, you know,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of ellipses in my act. Um, and
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: there's points where there should be laughter and instead you
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: get an ellipses, but whatever, it's fine.
• 22:33
  Speaker 6: We'll move on it.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: Um, so yeah, I, I mean, I definitely choose every
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: word wisely and all that, but then there's other ones
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: where I kind of babble my way through. You can
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: tell how new a joke is by how much babbling
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: there is. Um, and I try to always record the
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: first time I do a joke because if not, there's
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: something that you do naturally, instinctively the first time you
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: do a joke and it'll crush and, and then you
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: go to do it again and it just eats shit
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: every time after that. And, you know, so you kind of,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I try to capture that first time to see when
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I was genuinely enthusiastic about it. Can I recreate that?
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, they're, There is a degree of acting. I'm
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: a terrible actress, which is one of the things. I
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: sort of found comedy through process of elimination I did.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: I did modeling, like Cracker Jack modeling, not real modeling.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: And I did poetry. And when I would read my poems,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: everybody would laugh.
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: Well, there you go. There's the laugh you were looking for.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: But I wasn't trying to be funny. I was like,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: this guy broke my heart, and I just need you.
• 23:26
  Speaker 6: Guys to know.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: That's hilarious. And everybody's whole place is cracking up. And
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: they're not laughing at me. They're just laughing because it's funny.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: But I was so funny. I didn't know I was funny.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I didn't know how I was funny. I didn't know
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: why I was funny. It was just a very natural thing,
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: you know, so.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: That's funny that, yeah, you were sort of oblivious to
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: it and everybody else was picking up on it.
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: Right. That's fun.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was kind of pushed into it by a
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: boyfriend that bought me a book and was like, you
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: should do this. And I was like, well, first of all,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: this book is stupid. Any third grader would know this.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: He's like, no, no, Alicia, you don't understand. Most people
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: don't know this. Right. So I think I just had
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: a lifelong osmosis education on comedy.
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah. That almost like becomes part of the act right there.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: First off, this book is stupid and that it's like
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: almost the first bit you need right there.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: Right, right.
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: You can take, I don't know how to do this
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: bit and turn it into a bit.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Well, and the first thing that I learned very quickly
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: is that the things that are funny in your head
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: that you imagine will be funny or not funny once
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: they come out of your mouth and there's people staring
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: at you and there's a light and you can't see
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: them and it's very awkward and you know. you have
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: to pee because you drank eight glasses of water because
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: they kept bumping you and whatever. My first experience was
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: not good. But yeah, so I forgot what we were saying. Anyways,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: all right, well, it's your turn.
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: Well, it's, I mean, at this point, again, we had
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: that lull.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: I mean, the 80s was overrun with comedy and then
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: you had that big drop off and then it's just
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: in this last like 10 year period really sort of
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: found itself again.
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: And now it seems like there's a ton of comics again.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: Is there something you like, specifically do to kind of
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: set yourself apart and find your own voice as a
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: comic and be different from the tons of other comedians
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: out there?
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, well, I mean, I think that like family
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: dysfunction definitely was just such a big part of me
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: that naturally I had to go down that road. And
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: I sort of painted myself into a corner where now
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I have to figure out how I'm going to continue
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: that or abandon it. And if I continue it, how
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: am I going to make it better, deeper, more better, faster, harder, whatever.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like, how am I going
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: to outdo myself now? And I think what I'm doing
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: right now is trying to find a deeper level of
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: honesty where when people leave, they don't think my mom
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: is a cunt.
• 25:32
  Speaker 6: And you know what I mean?
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Like, it's still funny. And I think there's a lot
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: more now. I'm getting more into turning on myself instead
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: of turning on other people. Especially seeing the effect that
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: it has on my family. They're very gracious about it,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: but I can tell it bothers them even though they
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: won't say it bothers them. And then that, I feel
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: bad and, you know, like that kind of stuff. So
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: it's like, And they are good people and they do
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: do their best. And so right now I'm at a
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: weird crossroads of figuring out what happens next, you know.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm, you know, like there's people that do
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: social and political commentary. I do not believe that I
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: know anything that is going to and make it funny. Yeah.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: That is going to change the fucking world, you know.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: So it's like right now I'm just figuring out what
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: is it about me now in my life and my
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: views that is going to be the next thing, you know.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: Because it is a natural thing, sometimes you just have
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: to sort of stumble along until it becomes clear. Yeah.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: This was one, I guess, the intro to comedy part.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: We can wrap up with this. This was one that
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: I had, and I guess a lot of people will
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: specifically ask you this sort of, oh, as a woman
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: in comedy kind of questions, which is kind of stupid
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: and weird.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Right. I love that you recognize that. That's so awesome.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: People that have to separate and be like, well, did
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: your vagina get in the way of telling jokes?
• 26:46
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, women can't be funny. What are you
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: talking about?
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Well, when I started, it was fat, ugly, or gay.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: If you wanted to be a woman in comedy, you
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: had to be either fat, ugly, or gay.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so weird that people still, I'm like, are
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: we asking people questions in 1950?
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: Like, why do you still ask women that question?
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I even had that. I mean, my record label,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Stand Up Records, is extremely progressive. And that's why I'm
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: with them. And, you know, I did a lot of
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: research on record labels before I made my CD and
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: ultimately decided that was who I wanted to work with.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: I was positive. That was who I wanted to work with.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: And then when they wanted to work with me, I
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: about shit myself because, you know, I mean, they have
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Mark Marin and, and Stan Hope and like, you know,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: the top Maria Bamford. And I mean, just, and that's not,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: that's just the ones that people know. That's not including
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: all the people that we know that are amazing that
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: aren't really household names, you know? So I was really
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: flattered and really freaked out when they wanted to work
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: with me. But when we got to the end of
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: the road and we were doing the album description in
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: the album description, they wanted to put, um, Alicia Wood
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: joins another group of amazing non-princesses, including Maria Bamford, Jackie Cation.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: And I was like, can we take that out? And
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: it was down to crunch time, and everybody was really
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: stressed out, and we got in a huge blowout about it.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: And he was like, just read it and shut up.
• 28:02
  Speaker 6: Those are amazing comics.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: You should be happy to be in there. company. And
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: I was like, but you don't understand the fact that
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: you're even bringing attention to the fact that I am
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: a woman is a problem. And I just, just let
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: me do what I do. Let me do my thing. And, um,
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: and so we, we, we fixed it and it was
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: fine and whatever. But then later on down the road,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: we talked about it again. And I was like, here's
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: where I'm coming from. And he was like, oh, I
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: didn't get that. I thought that you meant and whatever.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: And so, At the end of the day, we were
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: 100% on the same page and in agreement. But it's
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: like when you're working deadlines and you've got 19 projects
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: going and you've got to do radio and this and that,
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: and you kind of lose your ability to clearly say
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: what you're.
• 28:38
  Speaker 6: Trying to say.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: And so at the end of the day, he was like, oh, no,
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: in that case, I totally agree with you.
• 28:44
  Speaker 6: But in the moment, it was.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Like, just shut up.
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: Well, the thing I wanted to go into was, and
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: I just saw this again today, they're still on the
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: story for like the last week now of the Ashley
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: Judd comment. And hers is like people were giving her,
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: making all these comments, especially online, because the internet's, you know,
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: it's full of level-headed people that never fire off horrible
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: statements about people. But yeah, they're talking about her look,
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: and she looks puffy, and did she have surgery, and
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: should she have surgery, and they all have this thing.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: So she goes off on this big rant, and rightfully so,
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: about the unfair way women and girls are objectified in
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: our culture. But what I wanted to ask was not
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: so much the woman angle as the comic... As a comic,
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: it's kind of your job to make fun of things.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: You know, so where is it something that you draw
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: the line? Because I know even on this show, I will.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: I mean, is there no like license to make fun
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: of people? Because I've equally I. just recently made a
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: comment that said Channing Tatum looks like he's getting kind
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: of heavy.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: Right, right, right.
• 29:44
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, is he just hanging out with Jonah Hill?
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: And that's what happens. I don't know.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: But they, yeah, I mean, all of a sudden I'm like, we,
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: we make our snide comments. I'm not above that, but
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: that's my thing is like, where's the dividing line? You know,
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: as somebody trying to, you know, deliver something entertaining, um,
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: What is it? What's going too far? And when we
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: totally safeguard everything, is there nothing funny anymore that we
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: can't make.
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: Any jokes about anybody anymore? So I don't know. What
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: were your thoughts on all of that nonsense?
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, like, well, I don't know. I was watching
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: it on the talk when I was getting my nails
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: done at the thing that's down the street here, which
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: that nail salon, I just want you to know, has
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: one of those chairs that, like, it vibrates and does
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: all that stuff, which I've experienced before.
• 30:23
  Speaker 6: But this one's totally different, and I don't recommend it
• 30:26
  Speaker 6: for men because.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: While I'm in the middle of watching them talk about
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: the Ashley Judd thing and I'm getting my nails done
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: and all that, it starts punching me in the crotch.
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: Well, there you go.
• 30:35
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: And it was not comfortable for me. And it was
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: not sexy. And it was not awesome. And it certainly
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: had my undivided attention. But if I was a dude,
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I would not appreciate that motion.
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: It depends on what you're into.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But anyways, I saw someone on the talk saying,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: you know, where was she when everybody was making fun
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: of her sister? Yeah.
• 30:54
  Speaker 6: You know, and I thought that was a really interesting point.
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: That's a good point, actually.
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 30:57
  Speaker 6: Like, oh, so now it's you.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: So now it's we have to be nice to people.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: I do think we need to be nice to people.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: I do think that it's that there is too much
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: pressure on women to be perfect. And, you know, there's
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: too much speculating whether or not someone's pregnant or just heavy.
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: And that's just tabloid at this point. All we have
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: to do is.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: All day long, find out who's pregnant and then take
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: pictures of them and be like, look how heavy they are.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And so, but, but I personally do not make
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: fun of people's looks. I don't make fun of, um,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think we've forgotten that just because you're
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: famous that you're not human. And that's the problem is that,
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: you know, I mean, even like with my CD reviews,
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: I got my own taste of like, Oh yeah.
• 31:37
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 31:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 31:39
  Speaker 6: You know, um, yeah.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: And then, uh, the other night we had a woman
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: who was ruining the show just by blah, blah, blah,
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: you know? And, um, she left and she left me
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: a note that called me a meth mouth. And, um,
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: for whatever reason, this woman thought I was on meth.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: I've never done meth. I'm, it sounds bad. Um, I
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: can't come from a medical background and be fucking around
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: with meth, you know, like, um, and the drugs that
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I have done, you know, because of my father and
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: mother's daughter, I've researched heavily before doing them, you know, like, uh,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Because there's a couple of them where it's like, oh, really?
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Drains all your spinal fluid and that doesn't come back? Well,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: we're going to.
• 32:13
  Speaker 6: Skip that one.
• 32:13
  Speaker 5: You don't need that.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But, all right.
• 32:17
  Speaker 6: Anyway, this is the worst. You cannot let me tangent.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: So basically, I just, I don't make fun of people.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I do think it's mean. I do think it's wrong.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: I'm very self-conscious about my teeth. So like that woman
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: kind of hit me right in the fucking, right in, well,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: literally in the kisser, but in my fucking hurt spot,
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: you know? Like, because when I smile, I look like
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: a pterodactyl and my teeth are just bad and it's because.
• 32:37
  Speaker 6: I don't have money to get them fixed.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: Believe me, the moment I have money, veneers, all fucking veneers. Nice. Yeah, absolutely.
• 32:45
  Speaker 6: Like, look, I, no one can see this, but like,
• 32:46
  Speaker 6: you have to see this.
• 32:47
  Speaker 5: Like, ah, I got, uh, uh, I'm working on that.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 32:51
  Speaker 6: That saved me $ 600.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Um, because, uh, it was an emergency root canal and
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: we reuse the crown and that's fine, but they didn't
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: tell me they were going to drill a hole through
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: it and then fill it up with gray shit. So
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: like there's an obvious gray dot in the back of my,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: so the tooth is still there and I can chew
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: and I'm fine, but it's the ugliest fucking thing you've
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: ever seen in your life. And had he told me,
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: he told me this is going to be painful. I'm like, fine.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: He's like, And it may not work. And I'm like,
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: all right, let's risk it. And he's like, and it's
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: going to save you $ 600. I'm like, woo, bargain shopper,
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: let's do this. Had he said it's going to be
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: the ugliest fucking thing that's going to make you really self-conscious,
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: I would have been like, I'm going to go borrow
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: some money and figure out how to make this happen.
• 33:26
  Speaker 6: So, yeah, no.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: So, I mean, and if I wasn't working in Hollywood,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'd give a shit about fixing my
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: teeth and about, you know, having perfect hair and, you know,
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: all of that kind of stuff. So, you know, it's
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: only something that is, a side effect of my job.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: I would have never learned how to do my makeup
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: well if I wasn't on stage and my best friends
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: didn't drag me to the makeup counter and go, if
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: you're going to be a star, you have to look pretty, Alicia.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: I'm like, are you sure? You know, so I guess
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's both sides of the coin, but
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: like you look like what you look like. Those are
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: things you can't really control. And so what if you're
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: having a bad day and you want to self-medicate and
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: gain five pounds? Fuck off. You know, like I just,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know why people forget that
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: other people are human and have feelings and that you
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: can cause some severe psychological damage to people. Like that's
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: how people become anorexic and bulimic and things like that.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: I've gotten the one that I don't feel too bad
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: making comments on is the surgery angle. I mean, you know,
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: basic stuff, you know, ears and stuff is no big deal.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: But when people start massively changing the way they look,
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm just kind of like, what are
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: you doing to yourself? Because usually they look good beforehand.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: And it goes horribly wrong because they keep it. I mean,
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: like you're spending thousands of dollars to get this done.
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: And in the end, you look way worse than you
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: did when you started.
• 34:46
  Speaker 5: I don't know. I'm not sure what's driving that anymore.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: Cause sometimes, I don't know that in, um, in standup,
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's really common. Like I feel like
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: when you turn 40, you either need to come out
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: of the closet or get plastic surgery.
• 34:56
  Speaker 6: I feel like those are the options for famous female comics.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: You know, I can be wrong. I haven't done like
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: an extensive study of it or anything, but those are
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: the patterns.
• 35:04
  Speaker 5: That sounds about right actually. Yeah.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: Either you turn 40 and you get a new face or,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: or you come out of the closet and, uh, love yourself.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know. But, um, and I don't really like
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: either one of those options personally, but, uh, I always
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: joke around. I'm like, I'm X amount of years from
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: having to be gay just by lack of options.
• 35:20
  Speaker 5: Just letting you guys know.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: And you, I'm checking you out. You're on the list.
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: You got three years and I'll come find you.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I think, you know, and of course my
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: girlfriends are like, oh my God, Alicia, you cannot do
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: that to yourself. I'm like, I don't want to like.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: And if I get Botox, I mean, my facial expressions
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: are a huge piece of the puzzle for what I do.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: So I need all these parts of my face to move.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: So I don't, and I've already got a huge weird
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: wrinkle that goes across like here and I know it's
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: there and, I've made peace with that one about three
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: years ago because it's just from all of the raising
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: my eyebrows every night, night after night.
• 35:52
  Speaker 5: Occupational hazard.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So, I mean, but I also think that, you know,
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: if there was something that would not change the way
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: my face looked, that would buy me more time. I
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: probably would do it if I was old enough and
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: unhappy with my face and all that.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: I also want to be able to just grow old
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: gracefully and look 60 when I'm 60.
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: And there are women, you know, again, guys are doing
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: it too, but there are so many women that do it.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, there are ones that aren't that I'm like,
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: she looks great. You know, it's just like, there are
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: women who age very well.
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: And Give it a shot. See if you, before you
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: start butchering up your face.
• 36:25
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: But I would certainly do the Joan Rivers and be
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: honest about it. I would certainly be like, yeah, I
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: just got a new face, everybody. Here it is. You know?
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: And that's a better option, I guess. I still hate
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: the way she looks, but she's funny. Like you can't
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: take that away from her. She's still funny. She's still sharp.
• 36:39
  Speaker 6: Well, and it's mind blowing that she's in her eighties.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: Mind blowing. When you see all that, that movie was
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: so good on her. And like, when I watched that,
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: I was like, this is the scariest fucking movie I've
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: ever watched in my entire life. Because You know, here
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: she is just trying to, you know, keep all the...
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: There's people that depend on her because she is an empire. Yeah.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: She's like, if I don't find another gig in March,
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: somebody's kid doesn't go to college or drops out of
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: college or, you know, like.
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: That's the industry part of it.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But I, you know, I also... there's a piece
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: of me that doesn't worry about this stuff too much
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: because I think that I'm not going to make it
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: that far anyway. So it's like, whatever, I'll look like
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: I'm 15 and I'll get hit by a bus and
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: we'll be fine or I'll die of lung cancer.
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: There we go.
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: You know, so an upbeat take on it.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: But yeah, but it's also scary because like, I look
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: at the people that were 10 years ahead of me
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: when I started and they're still 10 years ahead of me. And, uh,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: you know, they're making massive life changes and I'm like,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: so what's going on? And I think it was Augie
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: Smith who told me, would some of us planned for
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: a death that never came, you know? And, and, And
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: it made me laugh so hard because I was like, oh, fuck,
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: that might happen to me. Like, that's my luck. Like,
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: I would plan to die. I'm already supposed to be dead.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: I was supposed to die in my early, early, early 30s,
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: like 31. And also 29 was another one. I was
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: going to die at 29 and I was going to
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: die at 31. And now I'm still alive.
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: It's good to have goals.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And then, you know, of course, every time I cough,
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this is it. This is the lung cancer.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: And it's going to be fast three weeks down and gone.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: And it never happens. And so, and I really want
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: to quit smoking because I really don't want cancer.
• 38:05
  Speaker 6: But, you know, it's one of.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: Those things where it's like, that's the shit that's rattling
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: around in my head.
• 38:10
  Speaker 6: It's like, I don't need plastic surgery. I'm going to
• 38:12
  Speaker 6: die of cancer.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: But then if I don't die of cancer, I don't
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: know what the fuck I'm going to do because I
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: planned for that. That's why when my life insurance and
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: 401k financial people call me, which is hilarious because they
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: call me and they go, do you want these services?
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't have any money to plan around.
• 38:28
  Speaker 6: That's how I'm doing it.
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: I'm like, I don't have to worry about saving. I
• 38:32
  Speaker 5: don't have anything to save.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 38:33
  Speaker 6: And they go, well, what happens if you die?
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: And I go, I think that that's just going to
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: be best for everyone, honestly. That kind of is my
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: retirement plan right now is just to die because You know,
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: what do I need? How much is a funeral? They're like,
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: it's $ 5, 000 for a funeral. I'm like, my family can
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: pull that together. They'll be fine. It's, you know, as
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: long as I can stay out of debt, which is
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: what I'm doing right now, is just staying out of debt.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: And then the money I have is the money I have.
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: I don't even have that plan. That's my out at
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: this point.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: I've got a decent amount of debt going and I'm
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: just like, well, all I got to do is die now.
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: And then you guys got to figure out what to
• 39:04
  Speaker 5: do with it.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 39:05
  Speaker 5: So sucks to be you, my family, because, you know,
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: I don't know what to tell you at that point. Yeah.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if I could just have enough life insurance to cover,
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: you know, grinding up my ashes and, you know, sticking
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: them in the yard, then I think everybody would be happy,
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: you know. And my family, because they're a medical family,
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: is totally like that. They're not like, well, we want
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: a nice velvet box Well, she's dead. Just fucking what's
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: the cheapest thing we can do at this point?
• 39:30
  Speaker 5: Well, on that cheery note, let's take a break here
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: and we'll come back and get into the movie. This
• 39:51
  Speaker 5: is a.
• 39:55
  Speaker 8: Happy song Cause I want cancer of everything.
• 40:04
  Speaker 9: Yeah, right.
• 40:11
  Speaker 8: And if I fall down in my faces.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: Cause I get attention.
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: Of everything. Before the next show starts, let's enjoy an intermission.
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: You'll find our snack.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: Bar chock full of good.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: Things to eat and drink.
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: Tasty, tempting hot dogs, thirst-quenching soft drinks, fresh, crunchy popcorn,
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: a complete assortment of delicious candy, and a full line
• 40:53
  Speaker 4: of cigarettes. You've plenty of time, so visit the snack
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: bar now. A tasty treat will double your enjoyment of
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: the show. For your convenience, we shall keep you informed
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: of the remaining intermission time. Three minutes before the next
• 41:07
  Speaker 4: show starts.
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: Magic has to be believed. That's the only way it's real.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: A little girl with a big imagination lived in the
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: faraway forests of India in a world filled with magic.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: and her father's boundless love. You can be anything you
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: want to be, my love, as long as you believe.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: What do you believe? That you are and always will
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: be my little princess. When he was sent away... Goodbye, princess. Girls,
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: say hello to our new arrival, Miss Sarah Crew. Hello, Sarah.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: Her belief in magic came to life.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: Come on, Becky. Just make believe it. Remember the magic?
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: She would make some very special friends.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: Can you really talk to him, Sarah? Say hello to
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: all my friends. There were days I thought I would
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: die until I heard you talk about the magic.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: And one very powerful enemy. I'm afraid jewelry and such
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: finery are not allowed. Dear Papa, I love you with
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: all of my heart and can't wait for the day
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: when you come back to me. Everything you own now
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: belongs to me. You're not a princess any longer. From
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: the author of The Secret Garden comes the classic that
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: has thrilled generations, A Little Princess.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: Don't tell me you still fancy yourself a princess. I
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: am a princess. All girls are. Even if they aren't
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: pretty or smart, they're still princesses.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: It is the adventure of a young girl whose courage
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: is as big as her heart.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: I'll come back for you. I promise.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: A magical motion picture.
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: Me?
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: For anyone who has ever made a wish or had
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: a dream. A little princess. No miracle is ever too small.
• 43:02
  Speaker 7: Tweaked Audio, your source for high-performance, noise-reducing earbuds. Available in
• 43:07
  Speaker 7: three styles and seven colors, durable and designed to sound
• 43:10
  Speaker 7: great for both music and those chatty podcasts, like the
• 43:14
  Speaker 7: one you're listening to now. Tweaked Audio earbuds come with
• 43:17
  Speaker 7: a one-year warranty, And now there's a special deal for
• 43:19
  Speaker 7: Movie Meltdown listeners. Just go to tweakedaudio.com, and when you
• 43:23
  Speaker 7: check out, enter the discount code MELTDOWN. Then you'll get
• 43:26
  Speaker 7: 33% off and free shipping. Tweaked Audio.
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: Sounds better.
• 43:28
  Speaker 7: Coming May 26th and 27th.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: Wonderfest.
• 43:30
  Speaker 7: In this, their 22nd year. Wonderfest is still the annual
• 43:42
  Speaker 7: expo for model and toy collectors, with a huge display
• 43:46
  Speaker 7: and competition for plastic kits and garage kits. This year,
• 43:49
  Speaker 7: in addition to all the events, they are also welcoming
• 43:52
  Speaker 7: actress Joanna Cassidy from Blade Runner and Who Framed Roger Rabbit,
• 43:56
  Speaker 7: as well as Bill Moseley, Julie Adams from Creature in
• 43:58
  Speaker 7: the Black Lagoon, and designer and illustrator Eric Chu, who
• 44:02
  Speaker 7: redesigned the Cylons, Raiders, Vipers, and much of the universe
• 44:05
  Speaker 7: for Battlestar Galactica. plus lots of other guests and activities.
• 44:09
  Speaker 7: So go to wonderfest.com and check it out yourself.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: Hi, this is Graham Owen. You're listening to Movie Meltdown. Remember,
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: Michael Bay sucks.
• 44:25
  Speaker 8: It's part of your problem.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 44:31
  Speaker 8: You haven't seen enough movies.
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: All of life's riddles are answered in the movies.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: And now, on with the show.
• 44:53
  Speaker 8: I'm the new cancer. I've never looked better and you
• 44:58
  Speaker 8: can't stand it. Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
• 45:04
  Speaker 8: I've never looked better and you can't stand it. And
• 45:09
  Speaker 8: I know, and I know it just doesn't feel like
• 45:12
  Speaker 8: it at all. No one's sizing you up. I've never
• 45:16
  Speaker 8: been so surreptitious, so of course I'll be.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: Distracted when I spike the punch. And I know.
• 45:29
  Speaker 8: And I know, it just doesn't feel like a night
• 45:31
  Speaker 8: out with no one sizing you up. I've never been
• 45:34
  Speaker 8: so surreptitious, so of course I'll be distracted when I
• 45:37
  Speaker 8: spike the punch.
• 45:38
  Speaker 5: Okay, we are back, and now we were gonna get
• 45:41
  Speaker 5: into the movie end of it here.
• 45:43
  Speaker 7: Um.
• 45:44
  Speaker 5: Again, in the.
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: Wonderful press that's out there, at one point they have
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: you credited with being in several independent films.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. You actually read my resume in order to
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: get that information.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: I'd watch how they bill that because that almost sounds
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: like you're doing porn.
• 46:01
  Speaker 5: She's been in a lot of independent films.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think independent is just a better word for
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: not real. You can't probably find this movie, but I
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: was in it. I was also in a TSA training video,
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: which I guess is probably.
• 46:14
  Speaker 6: Why I usually don't have a lot of problems at airports.
• 46:16
  Speaker 6: I don't know. I don't know if that video is
• 46:17
  Speaker 6: still in circulation.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: It's her. Let her on through.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: So I guess what's the real end of it? Do
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: you want to claim that you've actually done as far
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: as film work?
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: Well, there's one that's going to be released in a
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: little while, and it's called Dangerous. And I may be
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: incorrectly portraying this movie, but basically it's– it's a take on,
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: it's a spoof basically of bad 70s action flicks.
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: It doesn't sound wrong because I've seen the trailer. It
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: looks like it's very tongue-in-cheek making.
• 46:49
  Speaker 7: Fun of those.
• 46:50
  Speaker 6: Right, yeah.
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: And I do, I play the lead character's mom in
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: a flashback. And it's a parody off of, what was
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: the Van Halen movie where, Hot for Teacher.
• 47:01
  Speaker 6: Hot for Teacher.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: And everybody's like, oh, that's so awesome. You're going to
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: be the, I'm like, no, no, I'm the mom.
• 47:05
  Speaker 6: I'm not the teacher.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: I'm Wayne's mom. But it's, I play Brett's mom. And, uh, we, uh,
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: it's a really, I don't want to ruin it because
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: it's a really fast thing. I only have like one,
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: like little tiny monologue that I do. And it's really,
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: if I just, I say a lot of wrong stuff
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: that would make my father proud.
• 47:24
  Speaker 6: And, um, yeah, and it was, it was really fun
• 47:26
  Speaker 6: to do.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: And, um, but yeah, so it's just a little thing,
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: but it's a little piece within this whole huge movie.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: And I've seen a lot of the footage from it
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: and it's pretty, it's pretty good to be honest with you. And, uh, Um,
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: but I guess, I don't know, you always think that
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: your friend's work is, is great. I love to act
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: in my friend's projects, but not in like real things.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: You know, if it's like my, and that's one thing
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: I'm really lucky about is my friends do write a
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: lot of parts for me where they're like, okay, I,
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: but I'm always a hooker or, you know, it's like,
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: it's my guy.
• 47:52
  Speaker 5: You guys think so much of me.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's my guy comic friends that always write
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: these parts where they're like, so we're in bed. You know,
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: or so you're just a hooker or, you know, but
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: it's always something where I'm wearing minimal clothing. I'm like,
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: I appreciate that you guys think that I go to
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: the gym, but I don't.
• 48:06
  Speaker 6: And I'm flattered.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so but this part was at least something
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: where I was wearing clothing and whatever. And in that movie,
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: there were five different parts that I was supposed to play,
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: but I was always on the road. So this was
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: the one that I ultimately was able to get to
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: kind of squeeze me into the movie. So, yeah. I'm
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: actually really looking forward to it. And it was made
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: by a Seattle comic, written, directed, produced by a Seattle comic.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: And so I'm hoping we do some sort of a
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: premiere in Seattle because there are so many Seattle comedians
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: that are in this movie. And there's also a lot
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: of musicians in L.A. that are in the movie that
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: are acting. And it's just really funny because in order
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: to do a spoof, you don't have to be able
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: to act well. And I think it really comes across.
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: And it's hilarious because a lot of the musicians are
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: acting better than a lot of the comics are acting.
• 48:51
  Speaker 5: So, yeah.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: Is it going to get an official, or do you
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: even know at this point, once you do the festival circuit, hopefully,
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: is it going to end up on DVD.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: Or streaming or any of that? I don't know, but
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: if I know Moser the way I think I know Moser,
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: he'll make it available to the public in some sense.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, whether it's downloaded off the website for free.
• 49:09
  Speaker 5: There's a lot of options.
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 49:12
  Speaker 6: Moser's going to make sure his art is seen.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: He also has a musical album called The Sex Album,
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: and it's just him fucking around in GarageBand. or whatever. And, uh, uh,
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: I'm in a music video for one of his musics
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: called divorced moms. And, um, it's sort of a takeoff
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: of a bad, bad, bad eighties videos. And, uh, And
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: that's what I love about Moser's projects is that he
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: has no training in making movies or making music. And
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: he's just like, whatever, I'm just going to do this
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: and bring everybody else on board.
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: Once you get into people that aren't dealing with multi-million
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: dollar budgets, it usually just becomes that there's either a
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: sense of humor about it or the way, especially comedies,
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: they're so hard to do anyway. But then when you
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: have no money on top of that, so you really
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: kind of have to have a good sense of humor.
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: And if you can make that work, people can be
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: so much more forgiving of, you know, you didn't have
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: good lighting here or, you know, you couldn't afford good sets.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 50:06
  Speaker 5: So if you just can deliver the comedy, yeah, that
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: makes up for so much other stuff. Well, yeah.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: And it's hard not to, as a comedian, it's hard
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: not to be on board with a project where the
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: pitch is, listen, we're going to do this and we're
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: going to do it poorly. Are you in?
• 50:18
  Speaker 6: Fuck yeah, I'm in.
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 50:20
  Speaker 5: Can I say no to that?
• 50:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 50:23
  Speaker 5: So is there anything else you want to credit yourself
• 50:27
  Speaker 5: with or.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: No, just my CD came out, and people should go
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: click five stars on iTunes and Amazon, and if they want,
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: download it and listen to it, but definitely click five stars.
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: I keep telling them to do that on our show, too,
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: but they've slacked off lately.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and I bought princesswood.com, so people can find
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: all this stuff.
• 50:48
  Speaker 6: It's always great.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: Updated and, you know, I'll cross-reference this show on there
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: and all that stuff. And yeah.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: That's what I was going to go into at some
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: point here is, yeah. Princess is the CD.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: Princess is the name of the CD and aliciawood.com is
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: my website, but because Alicia is spelled really retardedly, I mean,
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: mentally disabledly spelling.
• 51:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Let's get that straight.
• 51:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: So I bought princesswood.com just because it's easier to say
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: on the radio and people hopefully know how to spell that. Yeah.
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 51:16
  Speaker 5: So yeah. Was there something.
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: specific you were doing with that CD or is it
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: just kind of capturing a performance?
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, that's, we kind of had to sit
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: down and figure out, cause I have a lot of material.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: So it was like, and we were shooting for 40
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: or 45 minutes and I think it came out to
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: be 43 plus.
• 51:32
  Speaker 5: Something like that.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: And so it was like, do I want to do
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: Alicia Wood greatest hits? Do I want to do Alicia
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: Wood today and now? Do I, you know, like, what
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: is it that we're going to do? And what we
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: decided to do was an album that sort of introduces
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: people to who I am, who the quote unquote characters
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: in my life and my world are, so that when
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: they listen to future albums, they have the foundation set
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: for all of that. So That was the choice that
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: we made. So it is a lot of– and then
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: there's some random stuff thrown in it. This joke about
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: this and that joke about that is also peppered in there.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: And then there's also 15 minutes that I don't do
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: in clubs anymore that I only do in colleges because
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: they're jokes that I wrote when I was 22. So
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: they still crush in colleges. But when I do them
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: in clubs, people look at me like, how old are you?
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: Like that you still have these concerns and issues and viewpoints,
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 52:19
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess you got to update every once in
• 52:20
  Speaker 5: a while.
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: And so one or two of those jokes is on there,
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: but not the whole 15, but not even close. And
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: that's one thing we've talked about is like, how do
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: we capture these jokes for college students? Because I do
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: do a lot of college shows and not like a ton,
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: but a pretty healthy amount of colleges and really enjoy
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: it because You know, college kids are very idealistic, and
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: I'm very idealistic, and the only difference between them and
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: me is that their ideals haven't been tested, you know,
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: and mine have. They don't know what they're talking about. Yeah,
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: I still believe in recycling and rainbows and, you know,
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: like all the stuff that I believed in when I
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: was 22. It's just some of it's not quite as easy.
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: Like sometimes you just have to throw the cigarette butt
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: on the ground. You know, you just don't have another option,
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: but I really.
• 53:01
  Speaker 7: Do my best.
• 53:01
  Speaker 5: You just don't have a cigarette.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: Well, that's getting into a whole level of semantics that
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: I think is unnecessary and uncalled for.
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: Oh, well, then I guess, you know, you've gotten a
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: little bit of the movie world there. Is it something
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: that you, seeing the amount that you have, is it
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: something that you want to move into? You've got sort
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: of a goal to get into that end of it more,
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: the movie and TV side of it? Is that a
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: goal down the line?
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: It's something that I unfortunately have to get into. I
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: don't think I have a choice if I want to
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: have an actual career in stand-up. You know, like, I mean,
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: I do this for a living, but You know, the
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: club money is not good. Colleges won't last forever. You know,
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: there's going to be an Alicia Wood that's 22 that's
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: going to show up. You know, that Cypress Hill song, Rockstar. Like,
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm constantly living out that Cypress Hill, Rockstar.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: Somebody else is coming up behind you.
• 53:57
  Speaker 5: Watch out.
• 53:58
  Speaker 6: Stay on your game.
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: Get better, you know. So I feel like, you know,
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: if you think about any famous comedian, they were in
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: television or in movies.
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 54:07
  Speaker 6: Um, you know, everybody's like, what about Richard Pryor?
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: No, Pryor was in a lot of movies, Blazing Battles,
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: you know, all that kind of stuff. So, um, so
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: I feel like if I want to be able to
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: sell out theaters, I have to act and I'm not
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: thrilled about it, but, um, but I'm willing to act.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: It's just not a passion for me, you know, like
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: standup is a passion, but I'm willing to act if
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: it's going to help me sell out.
• 54:27
  Speaker 5: Theaters, you know?
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: It seems like that's how comedy is working now. Like
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: everybody that's becoming and finding these new audiences and bringing
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: in crowds is doing it.
• 54:36
  Speaker 5: Because they're supplementing it with something else.
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: That they have their own show or they have their own,
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: you know, TV show. And they find, you know, doing
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: that then brings in the audience for the stand-up stuff,
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: which is a weird way to go about it, I guess.
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: There's not many other careers that you do that. You
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: do something else to make this career work.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of like Mitch Hedberg's joke, which I'm
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: about to butcher because I don't remember it exactly. But
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: it's something like Hollywood– Stand-up comedy is the only profession
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: where they go, great, so you're good at jokes.
• 55:06
  Speaker 6: Now, can you farm? You know, like, or whatever.
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: I can't remember what the exact joke is, but it's
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: really funny.
• 55:10
  Speaker 6: And I'm not doing it justice.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: Which, by the way, there's a shop down the street
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: called Baby D's, and they have a Hedberg Club on
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: the menu, which I love. And those dudes came into
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: the show the other night, and they were awesome. They
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: were very cool. Apparently producing a bunch of shows with, like,
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: the works and stuff like that over at Headliners.
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: But anyways, yeah, and they were like, maybe we'll name
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: a sandwich after you if you're funny. And I never
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: found out if I was funny enough to get a sandwich,
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: but it'd be an interesting, the wood club or whatever.
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: That doesn't sound very.
• 55:40
  Speaker 6: Appetizing to me.
• 55:41
  Speaker 5: Is this at a golf club?
• 55:43
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah.
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: I guess, you know, the only other one of these
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: segments we always do, and just kind of round out
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: with that, we do our own little round of geek activities.
• 55:52
  Speaker 5: So I like to throw that out to people and
• 55:54
  Speaker 5: see just sort of.
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: In general, what you've been doing that's sort of, you know,
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: fun and geeky or, you know, if you've been watching
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: stuff like that. But I think I know of one
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: that I'm going to have to ask about.
• 56:06
  Speaker 5: Ziplining?
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: Ziplining. Oh, and I don't know if that's going to
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: happen because I'm doing this show right now. But, you know,
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: the middle act for this week, Lindsay Bolling, who's really
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: funny up and comer out of Louisville, also works part
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: time doing tours for ziplining in the mega caverns.
• 56:22
  Speaker 6: Is that what it is?
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the mega caverns. And, um, so she was like,
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: you have to go, you totally have to go. And
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, all right, all right. And so, um,
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: I may not go unfortunately because I'm here right now, but, um,
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: but yeah, it's something that I was like, what is it?
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: She's like, you just shoot across the cave. And I'm like, ah,
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: it doesn't sound good. She's like, she's like, no, no,
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: it's really cool. And so, so I was like, all right,
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: I'll do it. And then I talked to a bunch
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: of other people that were like, oh no, that is
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: really cool. You really need to do that.
• 56:43
  Speaker 6: And I was like, okay, cool.
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: So, um, but draw something is my current geek thing. Um,
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: I always play words with friends and now I'm sort of,
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: I've been so busy in the last month that I
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: haven't really been able to do it, but draw something
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: I really am super addicted to.
• 56:59
  Speaker 5: Is this the phone version? Pictionary.
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: I know somebody who constantly I'll be sitting there talking
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: to them and I'll look over and they're trying to
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: draw something on their phone.
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: I'm like, what the hell are you doing now? trying
• 57:10
  Speaker 5: to do obstetrician and it holds on. Yeah. Like that's
• 57:14
  Speaker 5: the triple points right there.
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and I play with a wide variety of people.
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: I play with my closest girlfriends. Um, I play with, uh,
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: you know, um, former staff members of clubs I play
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: with or staff members of clubs that I haven't seen
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: in eight months or whatever. And, uh, and, uh, comedians.
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: And I feel like comedians are the best at it
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: because we have to communicate an idea, but now you're
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: having to communicate it visually. And, um, and I actually
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: play with an actual cartoonist who is, no fun to
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: play with.
• 57:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's cheating.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right. But it's always really funny to, like, you'll
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: sit there and watch the whole game play out just
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: because you're like, what is this ultimately going to look like,
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: you know? And it's such a new game that is
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: still being developed. So, like, you get the same words
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: over and over again. So you draw the same photo
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: that somebody drew for you and then two seconds in,
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: they're like, oh, right, okay, Jordan, got it, yeah.
• 58:05
  Speaker 6: Nike, on it.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: iPhone, yep.
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, that's one of the other things I was
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: wondering is touring around as much as you do, what
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: do you do with yourself in each of these? You know,
• 58:15
  Speaker 3: you get planted in a city for a couple of days,
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: and then what do you end up doing with it?
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: Obviously not sleeping because I talked to you last night
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: at like 3.30. We were messaging back and forth. I
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: was like, your sleep schedule is as messed up as mine.
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I apologize for the brevity because I'm
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: always trying to communicate with so many people that I'm like, one,
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: comedy caravan, fine, good. Going to bed now. Yeah, no,
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: I'm very busy right now. I'm surprised at how busy
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: I am, which is a good problem to have. But, like,
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of downtime. You know, I
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: haven't been getting eight hours of sleep every night, which,
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: you know, when you have ADD, you really need eight
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: hours of sleep every night. And, you know, of course,
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: you had that huge thunderstorm that rolled in and woke
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: me up. I thought that a nuke had gone off.
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: It was the loudest thunderclap ever. And then I couldn't
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: go back to sleep.
• 59:02
  Speaker 6: So I was like, man, fuck. So, yeah.
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: When I do have downtime, I do like to do
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: like draw something words with friends.
• 59:09
  Speaker 6: Um, Netflix, big into the Netflix.
• 59:12
  Speaker 5: Um, well then that, that opens up the floodgates there. Yeah.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: If I can't, if I can't sleep, there's a great
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: documentary on Netflix called, uh, it's the Lewis and Clark
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: expedition and it's so boring and it's so fucking, the
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: music's all like, right. Lewis and Clark were traveling through Oregon.
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: I'm usually out within 15 minutes. I've never seen more
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: than 15 minutes of it.
• 59:31
  Speaker 5: I've never gotten to Sacagawea.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: Right, but I've watched it four times. I've watched it
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: at least four times when I was having insomnia and
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: I couldn't, but Lewis and Clark, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 59:42
  Speaker 3: I did that with a movie lately. It was a
• 59:44
  Speaker 3: two-hour movie and it became like a miniseries. It took
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: me about four or five nights to get through it.
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I just start it from the beginning. I
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: just start it from the beginning. I watch the same
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: 15 minutes, and within 15 minutes, I'm out. Lewis and
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: Clark are in Oregon. It's the worst.
• 59:57
  Speaker 3: Aside from that, is there anything else you've seen lately
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 3: that you've enjoyed or didn't like?
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: No, I mean, when I go home, my brother always
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: stockpiles all the videos that I need to see that
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: are the more current ones that he's stolen off the
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: internet or whatever.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 5: We don't endorse that behavior.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: I do not.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 6: I do not.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: But I don't have money to go to theaters and
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: taking three hours out of your day and spending 15
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: bucks depending on where you are is not in my
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: game plan. Especially when the Netflix is eight bucks and
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: it's always there.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: All month.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I'm very up on things that no one
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: cares about, but as far as what's current, I don't
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: even know what's in theaters right now.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, we're usually watching stuff from the 70s, so feel
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 5: free to range wherever you want.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 6: Got you, okay.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 5: Any classics that you actually do like or.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: See, I'm so bad at like list questions where it's
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: like give me a list of like your top five movies.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 5: Or just favorites.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 6: You know, like favorites.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 5: Stuff that you always go back to.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not good at watching things over and over again
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: because once I've seen it, like I really like the
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: element of surprise and all of that. I like shitty movies. Yeah,
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: everybody's crapping on Titanic. And I'm like, I like Titanic.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: Never let go. I mean, I'm all about it. I
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: love shitty movies. And so my friends in Hollywood are
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: always like, I thought the movie The Composition was... I'm like,
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: I liked the Never Let Go. I cried. Not a lot,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: just a little bit. But then I've got enough Hollywood
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: in me that I can't watch movies with my... non-Hollywood
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: friends because they're like, you ruin everything. I'm like, but
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: the lighting is fucked up right there. How does that
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: bother nobody? Or, you know, why do they have an
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: umbrella now and two seconds ago they didn't have an umbrella?
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: Like continuity. I'm always watching out for continuity.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 5: These are the kind of things we bring up every week.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 5: So yeah, feel free.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But my best friend like punched me last time
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: I watched a movie with her and she was like,
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: you know, she was like, you're no fun. I'm not watching.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: You just ruined it. If you can't just watch it,
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: then shut up.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 6: She got so.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: Mad at me.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: Recently, I fact-checked when they invented porcelain fillings because it
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: was a period piece and I wanted to.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 5: Make sure they were accurate.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 6: And were they accurate?
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 5: They were, actually.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, all right.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 5: They were like the 60s is when they were invented.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 5: I was just like, wait a minute.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, I nitpick. I can have that mode in
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 3: me where I'm like, wait a minute, is that right?
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 5: I don't know if I trust you guys.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: Well, I love anything that's historical, which I think is
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: why I like Titanic so much. I mean, I didn't
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: care about the acting.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 6: I didn't care about.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: It was just like that opening scene where they go
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: underwater and they find the Titanic and then the doors
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: open and there's all the water and then suddenly it
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: goes back to... It goes from modern day to back
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: then or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And up the staircase. And
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: I just about peed on myself. I was like, this
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: is the coolest thing ever. It's like coming to life.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: And all I've ever seen is photos. And now it's real.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 3: That's the thing. People like to trash that. And I
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 3: think it's just because it got so popular. And people
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: just like to hate things that everybody else likes.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 5: Well, and it was.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 3: childish thing that people just knee-jerk react no it's stupid
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 3: because it made a hundred billion dollars.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: No because it was three hours long and because it
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: was a romantic thing and men had to sit through
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: a three-hour movie that had no explosion but by the end.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: You've got a boat cracking in half and people drowning
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: and falling on it there i think that last half
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 3: is an amazing action movie yeah That I'm like, you're
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: sandwiching this together.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 5: This is like the best date movie ever.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: You've got, you know, the first half is this big
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 3: sappy romance and it's a well done romance.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah. And then the end is just like shit breaking
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 5: for an hour and a half. It's like.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: Well, and I left for five minutes because it was
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: such a long movie to go smoke a cigarette. But
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: I like ran back in and I sat down. I'm like,
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: what did I miss? And they were like, they haven't
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: hit the fucking iceberg yet.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 5: It's two hours in and they haven't hit the iceberg.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and I also loved, because I am into, like,
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: historical fact-checking, like, no mention of sharks. No mention of
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: sharks whatsoever in Titanic. And those were shark-infested waters. And
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: a lot of people did not come out with all
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: of their body parts.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 6: You know what I mean?
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: Like, when they did finally go pick up a lot
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: of the bodies, there was a lot of half-bodies or,
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: you know, they were just shoulder-up, you know, like, that
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: went in boats because the sharks had gotten to so
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: many people.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: They're saving that for the Indianapolis movie. When are they
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: going to make that? That's the best story ever. I
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: can't believe somebody hasn't ripped it off and made a
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 3: horrible straight-to-DVD movie.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 5: Out of the Indianapolis.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: What is the Indianapolis?
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 5: That's basically the story he tells in Jaws.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: It's the military boat that was delivering the bomb to
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: bomb Japan comes back and gets hit by a Japanese torpedo,
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: and then it sinks, and there's just hundreds of guys
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: out in the ocean. And then the sharks move in.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 3: And by the end, there's a handful that they take
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 3: home because they all got.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 7: Eaten by sharks.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 6: Oh, so it's Indianapolis the boat.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, USS Indianapolis.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's... Why somebody hasn't made a movie out of
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 3: that at this point, I don't know.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 5: Because that seems like the most... I mean, I guess
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 5: it's still maybe in bad taste, but it.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: Hadn't stopped him. I think that's what it is because
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: I don't have any words for you.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 6: I don't have any words for you right now.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: Like, I keep trying to come up with an opinion,
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: but I'm like, I don't know that that sounds like
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: something I'd want to watch.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 5: That's why I said straight to DVD. It's like a
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 5: sci-fi channel movie.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: But I also have, like, a super huge fear of
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: sharks because I watch Jaws and Kindergarten in the front row. And,
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: you know, the giant– that is not a place where
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: you want someone that's a kindergartner in the front row.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: But my dad, not good on judgment. So– There's a
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: Mad Max.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 6: Apparently that was a problem.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: I don't remember it, but apparently I saw Mad Max
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: and had nightmares for weeks and my mom was pissed.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 6: And like, you know, I've told you not to blah, blah.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 3: I think that's what happened to me. I just watched
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: too much of it and it didn't mess me up. Well,
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 3: it messed me up, but I didn't become conscious of it.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 3: Nobody went, don't let him watch that anymore. So I
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 3: just continued to work my brain.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 6: And I just, I think I was destined to be warped.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: And I think some of that is because of, you know,
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: being my dad's daughter and, you know, I'm literally 50%
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: of him. He's, all of my spastic qualities. He's that
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: times two and, uh, or squared, I don't know, two,
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: probably times two. And, um, uh, you know, cause he,
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: cause he would take me to see all these crazy
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: movies and tell me all these things I wasn't supposed
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: to know.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 6: And, you know, all of that kind of stuff.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: Um, and that was where like all the inappropriateness ended,
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: but it just warped my head, you know, but he
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: didn't know, you know, like he didn't know that's what
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: he was doing. And And, you know, my brain works
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: the exact same way that his does, you know, where
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: not all the wires connect and things disconnect, which sounds
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: scary because he's a doctor. But he's actually able to
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: super hyper focus and he's very, very, very good at
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: what he does. But it doesn't sound like it because
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: he's like, you know, well, I saw somebody.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 6: I stopped because there was a motorcycle accident.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: There's noodles all over the freeway. And I'm like, Dad,
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: stop saying– please just stop saying noodles.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 5: I mean– Well, that's usually how it is.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 3: If you're massively talented in one area, it usually detracts
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 3: from everything else.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 5: In your life.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I always say that like my dad is like
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: a medical degree away from being the Unabomber because he's
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: like so smart. Like, and he's so he's a little
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: bit out of sync with society, but not like in a,
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: in a tragic way. But the fact that he has
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: that medical degree to focus all those energies into is,
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: is what makes him an amazing doctor.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 6: But if you didn't have that, I don't know who
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 6: he'd be. You know, I don't, I don't know.
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: It's interesting. Nice.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 3: I know you've, Got a piece you do on paranormal activity.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 3: Do you like horror movies?
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 5: No.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: No. I hate horror movies.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 6: I don't like anything that's jump scare.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: I will tell you, Dave and Tucker vs. Evil is
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: the greatest movie of all time as far as horror
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: movies go.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 6: If you haven't seen that, that movie.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: Somebody told me, because when I was on codeine for
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: three weeks waiting to have enough money to be able
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: to afford finishing my root canal, I watched Merlin on Netflix,
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: the whole thing.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 6: I watched all of the tutors. And I watched, what
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 6: was I just about to say?
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 5: Do you know? uh, Tucker and Dale versus evil. Yeah.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: Somebody recommended that to me.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 5: And, um, it's really good. Yeah.
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: And it, and I, for the first two minutes I
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, okay, got it. Teenagers on a trip.
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: And then they stop at the thing.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 6: I'm like, right. Creepy guy.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: And then the whole movie just flips on its head
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: within the first eight minutes. And within the first 11
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: minutes you're howling. It's such a funny movie. And, There's
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: so many quotable lines in there.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 6: I don't want to ruin it for anybody.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, Dave or Dale.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 5: Tucker and Dale versus you.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: Whatever. It's such a good movie. Such a good movie.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's amazing it took them that many years of
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 3: making bad kids in the woods movies that they finally,
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 3: somebody got a sense.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 5: Of humor and went, what if we just turn it around?
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: Right, right.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 5: It's, yeah, it's amazing it took that long, but they
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 5: did a good job. They did.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: And right when you think that it's like, okay, I
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: know what the rest of the movie is going to
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: be like, they do a really good job of making
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: a left turn or doing a 180.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 6: Like, I think it's a really well done movie.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: And again, it's also one of those ones where it's like,
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: you almost think that they went, let's do this poorly.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 6: Let's... Let's not do this correctly, you know?
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 5: Let's not try too hard. Right. Let's keep it fun.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: And then there's something else about that movie. But I
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: just don't like jump scare. I don't like the ring
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: when they're just, wah, out on the TV. Like, fuck you.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: All right? Fuck you. That was unnecessary. And I don't
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: like when, because a lot of it, too, is that
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: I talk a lot about my girlfriends, but I have
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: another group of guy friends that I'm very tight with. But,
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: you know, your relationship with men and women is totally
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: different because the men I talk to when it's big,
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: big shit. You know, and the women I talk to
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: every day about little things and da-da-da and do-do-do. But, like,
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: my dudes, you know, they're, like, around. It's like, you know,
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: they're just more like, look, if you buy me pizza,
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: I'll show up and I'll move shit. All right? So
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: that's what I do. And, you know, or like if
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: I get dumped, then they'll take me out and get
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: me completely hammered and then walk in.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 6: Hey, buddy, shove off.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 5: All right.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: Just let her get drunk in peace.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 4: All right.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 6: She's heartbroken, you know, and that kind of stuff.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: But, oh, damn it. I had a point.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 5: Movies.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: Movies. And my dude friends and, oh, but they would
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: scare the shit out of me when we were watching
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: movies growing up. And so I don't appreciate that in
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: any way, shape, or form. I don't like it when
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: it's you do the bleh, you know, or whatever.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 6: Arachnophobia.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: I hate that movie so much. That movie literally fucked
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: my whole world up because I didn't like spiders before that.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: And after that, I.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 6: Really did not like spiders.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: And my best friend's mom was just telling me they
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: can transmit staph. And I'm like, oh, and antibiotic resistant staph.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, I hate spiders. So, yeah,
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: that's my least favorite movie of all time by far
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: is Arachnophobia.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: We end up on a lot of weird, any like weird,
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 3: what the hell did I just watch kind of stuff.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 3: We have such a, I've found so many over the
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 3: years that I'm just like, how did this get made?
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 5: Like I just, I really.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: And distributed on a national scale.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: And like put out by a major studio and millions
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 3: of dollars thrown at it. And like midway in, I'm like,
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: what is going on right now? I don't know if
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: there were any of those that are, once you remember.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 3: being traumatized by.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: No but I will watch every minute of a bad
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: movie and even hating myself but it's like I want
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: to see if it's me you know like maybe you
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: just have to get all the way to the end
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: and at the end it ends up being good but
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: like Nothing jumps out, but, no, I've seen a lot
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 1: of bad, bad stuff. Some of it's stuff that, okay,
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: what was the movie with Tom Cruise where the frogs
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: come out of the sky? And I fucking hated that movie.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 6: Is it Magnolia?
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 5: Magnolia. Magnolia.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 3: We have a regular on the show that continually will
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 3: return to complaining about that movie every couple of episodes.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm the only person that I know of
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: that does not like that movie. People are like, oh,
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: but the symbolism of the whatever. And it's so artistic.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, this doesn't make any fucking sense. But
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: that's me in general. Like I'm not good with interpretation,
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: you know. Symbolism. Yeah, I need you to kind of
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: lay it out for me because otherwise I get bored
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 1: and I leave, you know. But like that was one
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: with the frogs out of the sky. I had sat
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: through that whole movie going, okay, apparently it's going to
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: get really good. And the critics are really raving about it.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: And all my friends are like, oh, my God, it's
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: really amazing. And then when the frogs start coming out
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: of the sky, I literally was like, I'm fucking leaving,
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 1: all right. I don't know what the fuck. You know,
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: and then I called and yelled at all my friends
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: that were like, it's so good. You know, like I
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: was at the ballet and it's the same thing where
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: it's like I don't understand plays where they tell you
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 1: what's going on, where they're like, and now Hamlet is
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: upset and the mother is whatever and the father and
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: the skull. Like I still get confused and don't really
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: understand what's going on. And so the ballet is even
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: worse for me because it's like now we're in tutus
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: and we're jumping and we're jumping and now there's birds
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: and now and a pot of duh. And I'm like,
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: all right, I don't. Fuck this.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 6: I don't know what is happening right now. Because I
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 6: don't like.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: Things that make me feel really stupid. And ballet is
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: one of those things that does that for me. Even Nutcracker.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: I've seen Nutcracker so many times that I don't even know.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: And I know the story of Nutcracker. I've read the story.
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: You can't not know the story of Nutcracker. And I
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: still watch it and I'm like, and now there's mice.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: There's mice and all right, whatever.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 5: This happens.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 5: It happens in the real world.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 6: I'm not good with that kind of stuff.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 3: Well, on the weird movies, I guess I can round
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 3: out and kind of lead into our next episode. So
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 3: I'll do our little teaser here, I suppose. I may
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 3: call on you for a special thing here, so hang
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: on a second.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 5: Okay, kids, get out your decoder bins. Okay, now do
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 5: you do a fanfare? This is the response everybody has.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 5: I kind of like to have this.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 1: No judgment.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 5: So we'll insert that in here now.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: Set your pins to B2. Here is the message.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 3: Oh, it is time for the Movie Meltdown Secret Circle
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 3: reveal of the next exciting feature. This one, if you
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 3: like your what-the-fuck movies, this one, I'll say it, and
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 3: I'll see if you're familiar with the title. If not,
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 3: you need to go find it.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 5: Zardoz. Not ringing a bell. Be thankful, Ben.
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 3: Okay, imagine it's a probably mid-' 70s Sean Connery Already past Bond,
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 3: getting a little older, in a diaper.
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 5: Shirtless most of the movie in a diaper. Thigh-high leather
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 5: boots with a long ponytail. And there we go. We
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 5: got the visual right there. So, yeah. Would you want
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 5: to watch that?
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I just saw the photo.
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 6: I'm going to go ahead and say no thank you.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's just giant stone heads floating around and people
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 3: having sex, and it's epic.
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 6: So it's got high points in it, at least.
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 5: I guess.
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 3: I watched the trailer last night, and I'm just like, man,
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 3: I don't know what I'm getting myself into.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 5: I kind of do, but I'm just like, this will.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 3: Be epic one way or another. We're doing another little
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 3: crossover with Baxter Avenue Theater. So, yeah, we should have
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 3: quite the take on Zardoz next week.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 5: So you, you know... you should probably go track it
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 5: down and watch it.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 7: And you.
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 5: Call in with your thoughts and let us know.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: I might, it'll just be, I'm not going to, I'm
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: not going to commit myself to anything, but if I
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 1: have time, I will definitely check out that movie. This
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: is a, this is a big stick and move week.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 6: Sorry, go ahead.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 5: No problem. I was getting back to you at this
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 5: point anyway. So yeah.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 3: Um, if nothing else, wanted to say thank you to
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 3: you for sitting in and co-hosting this week. And, uh,
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 3: Definitely go check out the CD. Princess is on Amazon
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 3: and iTunes, if anywhere else.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: Google Play, and then if it's not now, it will
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: be on all the other places you think, like Sirius
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: and Pandora and Spotify and all that shit.
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 5: And I guess they still make those shiny discs.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 7: I don't know. Whatever.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I sell those. I have them.
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 6: You can get those on Amazon.
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: I think Amazon is the only one that sells the
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 1: actual hard CD.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 5: And then you said is the best place to get
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 5: a hold of you now still Alicia Wood?
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, AliciaWood.com. And I have a mailing list that I'm
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: starting to reactivate because Facebook has now removed my ability
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: for me to communicate with my people.
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 5: That's nice.
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the whole reason I sent everybody to Facebook
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: was because it was a very easy way to communicate
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: with everyone. And now, like my CD is out. I
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: think there's about 1,250 is roughly what I've got in
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 1: my group page. And only 100 or 200 of them
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: are aware that my CD has been released. And I can't.
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: And I don't want to drive them nuts because then
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 1: I'm just beating the hundred people that do know over
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: the head with it. So I had to open the
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: mailing list back up. But it has– if this doesn't
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: tell you that I'm neurotic and have low self-esteem, I
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 1: don't know what does. But there's varying levels of commitment
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: that you can make to my mailing list, whether you
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: just want to know if I'm coming back to town
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: to do a show or you want to know everything
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: that I'm doing or you only want to know if
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: it's a really big deal.
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 5: This is nice.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: So that's what I have is that I'm starting that
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: back up.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 5: Invested a lot in this mailing list. Yeah.
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 1: And it's got about 12 people in it right now
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: that I'm– I know it's not true. I'd say it's
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: probably got about 50 people that are, you know, also
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: people that are in my group page on Facebook. But
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: other than that, it's all like people I went to
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: high school with and, you know, stuff like that because
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to start over.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: So, yeah.
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: So join the mailing list and rate it five stars
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: and all that stuff.
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 5: There you go.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 3: So definitely go check it out. And you're touring around
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 3: quite a bit. So go find her in your town
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 3: and go check out the live shows.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: If you go to the website, all that stuff's there. Yeah.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 1: It's the schedule and everything. And it's current currently.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: Cool.
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 5: Sounds good. Thanks again for sitting in with us.
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks for having me.
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 5: Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week.
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 5: Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening.
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 1: We got a lot of sharks out there trying to
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: take a bite of something.
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 7: What's hot?
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 2: A lot of chameleons out there trying to change up.
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: Anytime something new comes along, everybody.
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 2: Wants a bite.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: Don't happen overnight.
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 9: So you want to be a rock superstar and live large?
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 1: Big house, five cars, you're in charge.
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 2: Coming up in the world, don't trust nobody. Got to
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 2: look over your shoulder constantly.
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 9: I remember the days when I was a young kid
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 9: growing up, looking in the mirror, dreaming about growing up.
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 9: The rock crowd make money, chew up the honey, sign autographs,
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 9: and whatever the people want from me. Shit's funny how
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 9: impossible dreams manifest in the games that we come in
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 9: with it. Hopefully it don't manifest, but the wrong guy,
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 9: egomaniac in the brainiac, don't know how to act, 60, 48,
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 9: track studio, gangsta, max, signed a deal, thinks he's gonna
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 9: make a meal, but never will, till he crosses over steel,
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 9: filling your head with fantasies, come with me, show the
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 9: sacrifice it takes to make the cheese, you wanna be
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 9: a rock superstar?
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: Outro Music people see rockstar you know i'm saying but
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: you still trying to get.
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 8: Out and work like like everybody else you.
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 9: Know you know it's a fun job but it's still
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 9: a job you know save.
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 7: Your money man save your money.
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: Too it's single don't last very long you know i'm saying.
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 5: I mean Been lucky in this game, too.
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 8: There's going to be another cat coming out looking like
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 8: me and sounding like.
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 2: Me next year.
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 7: I know this.
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: It'll be a flip side to what you did.
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 2: Somebody else trying to spin off like some, you know, series.
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 9: Let me explain what happens to these stars and their
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 9: big brains.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 7: First they get played like all damn day.
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 2: Long as you sell, everything will be okay.
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 5: Then you get dissed by the media and fans.
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 7: Things never stay the same way.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 2: That's why fools.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: End up dining on a bullet.
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 9: Think everything's fine in the big time.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 2: See me in my legs with the chrome ray shine.
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 2: So you want to run far and live large. It
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 2: ain't all that goes with being a rock star.
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: So you want to be a rock superstar.
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 9: But only no radio or videos.
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: Gonna show me no love. The phony. Gotta hit the
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 1: road slowly.
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 2: So the record gets pushed by Sony.
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of glory. And the press say that.
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: My own people disown me.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 9: And the best way back is to keep your head straight.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 9: Never inflate the cranium. You're too worried about.
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: Them honeys at the palladium.
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 9: The whole school on to the next rock superstar with
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 9: no shame give him a gear and they'll be right
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 9: at the game the same as the last one who
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 9: came before him gang fame started getting ignored I warned
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 9: him assured him this ain't easy take it from Weezy
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 9: Sleazy people wanna be so cheesy they're fucking evil so
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 9: you wanna.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 2: Be a.
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: That went way longer than I thought.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 7: That's fine.
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: You can't just ask me. Unless it's a yes or
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 1: a no question, I'll just fucking, we'll start talking about Africa.
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 2: Birds.
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 7: Birds.
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: Birds. Feeding chickens.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 7: This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown. Produced and
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 7: edited by The Oddity Studios. with opening music performed by
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 7: the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 7: the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com.
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: Talk hard!