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A View from a Point: Honoring Perspectives in Conversation · Infinitely Precious

• 0:00
  Intro: Welcome to the infinitely precious podcast produced by infinitely precious LLC. Your host is James Henry. Remember, you are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you already are.
• 0:12
  James: Hello, beloved. It's me James and it's good to be with you today. I wanted to share some thoughts that I had about perspective, about point of view, about the way we see the world because indeed every single one of us has a perspective, a point of view. And if we're just upfront about it, it's a view from a point, our point, the place we find ourselves. And that perspective has been created over a lifetime within us.
• 0:48
  It's been created by things like what our parents told us about the world, what our teachers told us about the world, what other significant folks in the world, about the by the very things we think we are supposed to believe about the world. Our perspective is created in that way. And because of that, every single one of us sees the world through our own lenses. I suspect that even people who tend to agree on many things will find that their perspectives are not identical because the experiences that have shaped each one of us are unique and different. And so, it's like two different people sitting on two different sides of a mountain.
• 1:39
  On one side, you look at the mountain and you see these beautiful cliffs and craggy rocks all over the place. On the other side, which is much more lush, the other person sees lots of forested slopes and it's the same mountain, just from two different sides. Imagine there's a mesa on top of the mountain, a flat spot. The person up there doesn't even realize perhaps that they're on a mountain. They don't see the world from the same place either.
• 2:15
  All of us come at life from where we are and who we've become. So, when we come in contact with other people, we're naturally coming in contact with someone who sees the world differently than we do. Their perspective is not the same. What shaped them is different than what shaped us. And so, particularly in cases where our perspectives are radically different, rooted in whole different ways of seeing the world, people clash.
• 2:53
  We see that a lot in the American political landscape, not just among politicians but behind the devotees of various religious and well, it's almost a religion political parties. Those devotees have come to see that their perspective is the perspective rather than a perspective. And I want to say something to you that is probably going to sound obvious and at the same time weird, but you are not, I am not my perspective. I am more than the way that I see the world. And so if I can step back and recognize that I have a perspective, you have a perspective, another person has another perspective, if I can recognize and bring into every conversation the realization that we're coming at this from different places, then it might ease the way in which we discuss each other and we discuss whatever topics come up amongst the conversation that we have.
• 4:09
  If I'm less invested in my rightness, my being correct and more interested and curious in what you might have to say from your perspective, then perhaps the conversation has changed And it becomes truly a conversation, not a shouting match, not an argument. It becomes the opportunity to share our differing perspectives and perhaps come to some common grounds on the things that we look at when we come into contact with one another. So, have some suggestions. I had some thoughts as I pondered this particular topic about ways that we could engage less divisively with one another. The very first is something I've already said.
• 5:07
  Recognize that you bring a perspective into every conversation and that perspective is your perspective. It's not the only perspective, but it is a perspective. So maybe before you enter or do anything else, you sit back and you think, I'm going to be in a conversation about this given topic with someone perhaps later on. Where am I really coming from? What has shaped me into believing what I believe about the things I believe about the world in which we live.
• 5:42
  And how much of what I think is an opinion that's been shaped by my life circumstances and how much of it is really based in some way on reality. Because my experience of reality and reality itself are not always the same thing. I often shape my experience of reality by the perspective I bring. So, can I recognize that I have a perspective and what it is that brings me to the place of having this particular point of view? How did I get here?
• 6:20
  Second of all, recognize that you're a gift. We've said this many, many times in this podcast but you are a gift just because you're you. You are precious and loved just because you're you. That's what makes you the gift that you are. But the person with whom you're having a conversation also is a gift, also is precious and loved for who they are.
• 6:49
  And so, if you recognize that no matter what they think and no matter what you think in a conversation that you're both going to still be precious on the other side of that conversation. You're both going to still be loved on the other side of that conversation. Maybe not by each other, but that might give you at least some common ground to respect. I love Ted Lasso of course and if you don't, that's all right. And if you've never heard Ted Lasso, then it's okay too.
• 7:25
  But one of the phrases he uses in the first season, very be curious not judgmental. Be curious not judgmental. And if we enter every conversation with a kind of curiosity about what the other person thinks and less about convincing them to think like we think, not judging them for the perspective they come to the conversation with. Now, need to add a caveat to this respect that I'm inviting you to have for each other. If the other person's perspective diminishes your personhood, dehumanizes you or someone you love, you have every right to walk away from that because that's not a conversation.
• 8:16
  That is a denigration. It would be great if we could all be in conversations with people and recognize the common humanity we share. And not only recognize it but not judge people for the way their humanity is shaped. But unfortunately, that's just not always possible. So you have every right to be self protective.
• 8:40
  You have every right to be protective of the people that you love because just because somebody has a different point of view than you, you don't have to respect it if it dehumanizes another. Don't have to respect it, don't have to listen to it, and don't have to stay in the face of it. That's not a conversation that's robbing you of humanity. Having said that, if it's about other kinds of issues about which perhaps you both share a common need, but the solution is radically different for each of the persons in the conversation, then that gives you if you can recognize the common need, we both want to see this problem solved. My way to solve it is this way, your way is that way.
• 9:34
  There are two different ways. Perhaps in those moments, recognizing the common need that draws you together, merely a different set of solutions would allow you to look at those pieces differently. So, I invite you this day as you enter into conversations, as you are becoming self aware in the way that you approach life. First of all, to take a step back, what is my perspective and where does it come from? What am I bringing into every moment of conversation?
• 10:21
  What has my day looked like? What has my life looked like? Where have I come from and who am I? Because that's what you bring. Remember that TED lassoism, if you will, be curious, not judgmental.
• 10:38
  Be interested. Ask good questions. Good questions are a way to enter into a conversation that invites the other to tell stories about how they came to their conclusions. And while it may be different than the ways you came to your conclusions, at least you'll understand where the perspective is coming from. Recognize what perspective you are bringing to the conversation.
• 11:08
  Honor the gift that is someone else's view unless that gift dehumanizes you or the people that you love. It's very hard to honor something that discounts you as a human being because of your gender identity or because of your sexuality or because of your nationality or your religious background or your economic stratum. If it's any of those kinds of things that are robbing you of who you are, you don't have to honor that as a gift. In fact it's quite, maybe not quite the opposite but it's different. Remember no matter what entering into every conversation that you are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift that you are as is the person that you're talking to.
• 12:06
  And if you can do that, respect yourself, the gift that you are coming into the conversation and that you are bringing a perspective, an opinion about something as opposed to the opinion and that you are more than the opinion or perspective you have. You're a gift just because you're you as is the person in front of you, there might be a way to find a connecting point. I spend a lot of time with people who don't see the world always as I do. And I can either get very angry about it and scream and shout a lot, or I can try to listen. And I invite you to try to do the same.
• 12:53
  Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but I try to always remember that I am indeed a gift as are you. And so until the next time I see you, let these truths perhaps be a part of your conversation. As always, I welcome any responses you might have and any questions you might have and certainly any requests for topics that you might have. You can always email me at infinitelyprecious llcgmail dot com. Until the next time I see you, wish you all the best.