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Get Dialed In: Own One Life and Make It Impossible to Fail · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva Detail. Welcome to the Diva Detail,
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where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention,
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we keep it raw, real, and powerful. No filters,
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no limits, just fearless conversations to help
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you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia.
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Hello, beautiful people. This is Diva Mia, and today
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we're going to talk a little bit about how to get dialed in in
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life. Let me ask you something, and I want you to actually answer it
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in your head. If you're driving, you can do this. What is
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the one thing you have said you were going to do for many years
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and maybe even a year from now, or something that you've just been putting off
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for years or possibly even decades? Was it the business,
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the book, the body, the debt you were gonna wipe
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out, the degree, the move? And a lot of people will set
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New Year's resolutions and they only shoot for them around New
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Year's Eve. You know exactly what it is. It came to you instantly.
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And there's this uncomfortable truth. It is not
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that you can't do it. It's that you have never fully decided to do
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it and set everything else aside. Today we're fixing that.
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Today we're going to get dialed in. And today's show,
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we want to sweat the small stuff because the small stuff is where the
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big stuff gets done. And I'm so glad you're
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here because talking about sweating the small stuff is a reality when
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you get dialed in. We're talking about how to take a goal, own it,
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completely and see it all the way through to the finish line.
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Not halfway, not, I'm tired, I'm done,
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I can't make it. No, this is no holds barred.
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You're gonna, no matter what, hit this goal. And I want you to
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just find one, cuz you can't do multiple ones at the same time, or it's
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very difficult. Find one for the next 90 days and
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we're gonna make it impossible to fail. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Impossible to
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fail. Here's what we're going to cover. First, what it actually means to own this
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goal. Then the daily steps that have to happen and how
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to set a schedule you will keep. Then the word most of
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us are terrible to realize and to say is no.
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Owning your effort, building strong deliverables, and how to move faster
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than you ever thought possible. But the reality is, is you've got to learn
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to say no. After that, we'll talk about what finishing
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does to your self-esteem. And your self-image and
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how to develop the ability to level up once you've done
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it a few times, because we're not gonna stop with one goal.
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We're gonna keep going. We're gonna make an amazing life. And in order
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to do so, you gotta constantly get dialed in on the goals that you
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really want. And then we're gonna get real about grit,
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about wealth, about the sacrifices nobody posts about, and about why sometimes
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you need to go quiet Full hermit mode is what I call it,
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because when you go quiet and you withdraw, that's when you
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actually achieve. When you're out there going to bars and watching
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TV and jumping on social media, that's not making
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you achieve. So grab your coffee, grab a notebook, and if
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you're driving, let this soak in. Maybe listen to this a couple
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times and let's dial in. Let's start with the difference between wanting something
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and owning it. That's a big thing.
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Because wanting it is passive. A lot of people say they want to be wealthy.
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A lot of people say they want to get in shape. Wanting is scrolling past
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somebody's highlight reel and thinking, I should do that.
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That would be nice. Wouldn't it be nice to make that much money?
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Wouldn't it be nice to look like that? Wanting costs you nothing,
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which is exactly why it gets you nothing. Owning it is different.
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When you own a goal, it stops being a wish and becomes
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a responsibility. It's yours the way your kids are yours,
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the way your rent is yours, the way your home is yours. You don't
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get to forget about it when it's inconvenient. It's on you,
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and you know it's yours, and you own it, and you take full responsibility
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and accountability for what happens. So how do you go from wanting something
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to owning it? There's 4 moves. First,
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move 1, make it painfully specific. I want to
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get healthy is not a goal. It's a vibe. I will lose 20
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pounds in the next 2 months. That's a goal. I want more
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money is a vibe. And when you say you wanna
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lose 20 pounds in the next 2 months, give a definitive date that no
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matter what you're gonna hit. I wanna make more money is a vibe. I will
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add $2,000 a week to income by the end of March
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or the end of June or whatever month it is. That's a goal. If you
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can't measure it and specifically measure it in detail,
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and you can't put a date on it, you can't own it because you'll never
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know whether you're winning. And it needs to be decently reasonable,
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but it also needs to be a stretch so it pushes you because
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you can get excited about goals that push you and stretch you. It's hard to
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get excited about goals that are mediocre. Secondly, you need to know
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your why and make it personal. Not the
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Instagram why, the real one, the one that makes your inner throat tight
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a little when you say it out loud. Maybe it's, I never
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want my daughter to watch me about a light bill again. Or maybe
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it's, I'm tired of being the smartest person in the room and the lowest paid.
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I need a promotion, or I need to start my own business and make a
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fortune. Your why is your fuel on the day when
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motivation has packed its bags and left town. And it will leave
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town. Motivation is great. Discipline lives there.
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Move 3 is to decide what it costs
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before you start, because there's going to be a cost.
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If it doesn't have a cost, it doesn't— there's no value to it.
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Every goal has a price tag and most people never look at it. They start,
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they hit the cost and they're shocked. They're like, oh my gosh, I have to
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do that? So look, now what will it take in hours,
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in a week, in money, in comfort, in relationships, in sleep?
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Write it down. Then ask yourself one question. Am I willing to pay
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that? Because it costs to achieve things. It may
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cost your time. It may cost some money. It may cost less sleep.
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If the answer is no, that's okay. Pick a different goal.
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But if the answer is yes, then when the bill comes due, you don't
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get to act surprised at the amount that it costs because you already
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agreed to it. And next, say it out loud to somebody who
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will hold you to it. Don't say it out loud to somebody that's going to
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clap for you and say, okay, go ahead. Somebody who will
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check on you, somebody who will hold you accountable. There's a
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difference between a cheerleader and a coach. You need at least one
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person who will text you on a Thursday and say, did you do that
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one thing today you needed to do for your goal? Get an accountability
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partner if you can. Here's what I want you to hear. Ownership means
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no outsourcing the blame. It means no excuses.
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You can't blame the economy, your ex, your boss,
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your algorithm. Those things are real and they
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affect you, but they don't get to own your outcome. You do.
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Actually the good news. Because if it's your fault,
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it's also your power. You get to take your power back. You get to
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own your life. The second you take full responsibility,
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you take back full power and control. One last thing in this
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is that write your goal down by hand, put it somewhere
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you'll see it every single morning. Your bathroom mirror works, on a little
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sticky, on your phone, maybe have an image of what you're looking for
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or on your lock screen, the visor in your car, have it in multiple
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places. Something about seeing it daily keeps it from
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drifting into someday in the future I'll get that. And someday,
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my friend, is not a day of the week.
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It's just not. Someday is a future that may never come
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if you don't get into the grind and determine it's going
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to happen now. One other thing I like to do is every single
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morning when I wake up, I say whatever the goal is,
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I'm wealthy, or I'm in shape. And then at night
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you visualize and you say it out loud as well. I don't know what
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it is, but beyond writing it down, sometimes visualizing and saying it out loud just
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helps as well. So if you need to pause this episode, write down one
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specific goal, give it a specific date and
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your why, what the price you're agreeing to pay for it.
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So let's say you want to lose 20 pounds in the next 2 or 3
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months. What are you going to do to make that happen? If you want to
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make $20,000 in the next 2 or 3 months, what are you going to do
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to make that happen? You got to get it good. Now let's talk about
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what you actually have to do every single day. There's daily
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steps you're going to have to execute and things you're going to have to set
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in your schedule. Goals are achieved in the calendar, not in the journal. And it's
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daily work that hits those goals, not being a weekend
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warrior and hitting it every single weekend and crushing yourself so you
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can't recover. You can have the most beautiful vision board in America,
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but if the work isn't on your schedule, it isn't real.
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So here's how we turn a big goal into a daily rhythm. Step 1,
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work backwards. Take your goal, take your finish date,
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and break the goal into quarterly milestones or monthly milestones.
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Personally, I like 90-day goals. You can have a big
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1-year and a 5-year goal, but if you don't have a 90-day goal, it's harder
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to hit those targets. The monthly targets seem to be easier to
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hit. And then you set those monthly targets with weekly targets
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as well. The daily actions that hit those weekly targets,
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if your goal is $2,000 a week in new income
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by a specific date, first you got to determine paying
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clients. This month's offer is build a price
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this week. You may need to have 10 conversations.
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And today is 2 conversations. So you got 8 more to go.
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Suddenly a scary goal is just 2 more conversations away or 8
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more conversations away. And then you can do those 8
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conversations. Next, you have to find out your non-negotiables.
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These are the 3 or fewer actions that if you did them
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every single day would make the goal basically
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inevitable. Now, if you find that your non-negotiables take up 12
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hours of your day, that's probably not a good way to go. Maybe your goal
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might be too big because life is gonna happen. So you need to have
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not 10, but maybe 3 non-negotiables max
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for each goal. And we'll remember we're only doing one goal in the next 90
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days. Say for instance, for a writer, it might be 500 words
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by 8:00 AM, or for a fitness goal, it's the workout, the water,
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and the food log that you have to do each day. For a business,
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it's outreach, maybe building and follow-up or following up with a client.
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Or making new contacts. Your non-negotiable happens before
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anything optional. It has to get done. And I
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really recommend your non-negotiables get done before noon.
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Because if you make a habit of making everything get done before noon,
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before email, before scrolling on social media,
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before your group chat, before you help everybody else with their emergencies,
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you're going to find that your goals get done. And then every single time you'll
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get more and more self-confidence about your achievements. Next, you're going to time block
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like you're a CEO because you are. You're a CEO of your own life.
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Your calendar is a statement of your priorities. If I looked at
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your calendar right now, would I be able to tell you what your goal is?
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If not, we have a problem. You need to block the time, give it
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a name, and treat it like a meeting with your most
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important client because it is. You are your most important client.
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You got to show up for you first. You wouldn't cancel on a client because
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you didn't feel like it. Don't cancel on yourself either.
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Here's a structure I love: a morning power block of 60 to 90 minutes for
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your number one goal and work on it before the world
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wakes up and starts asking you for things. And I'm not saying you
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can't do other things, but you're logged in, you're determined
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that this thing is going to happen. So 90 minutes focused
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on this one goal. A midday maintenance block for the life stuff like
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the job, the errands, the inbox, And a short evening reset,
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maybe 15 minutes of a walk or 15 minutes
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where you think about your goal or you review today and set tomorrow's top 3
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things that have to happen. It's great when you can make the top 3
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things recurring every single day, but sometimes you can't. That evening reset
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is everything. And it doesn't have to be 15 minutes. I can usually get it
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done in 5. You never wake up wondering what to do. You wake up
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And you execute and there's no excuses. The next thing
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is, is you track it where you can see it. A simple checklist, a wall
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calendar where you put a big old X on every day you hit
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your non-negotiables. There's something addictive about checking
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things off, about not wanting to break the chain. After about
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2 weeks, you'll protect that streak like it's your firstborn.
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You're never going to let anything get in the way. I will say there's a
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couple of things I like. I like checking things off a list. So make
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your list of 3 things so you can cross them off. And yes, you can
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do them on the computer, but there's something satisfying about taking a pen and paper
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and crossing it off. And then make your X on your calendar. The next
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thing is, is plan for the bad days. They're gonna come. You're gonna be sick
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one day. I mean, I got a little bit of an allergy thing going on
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now. The kids will be sick. The car's gonna break down.
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So decide now what your minimum is. On a bad day, I don't
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do the full workout, but I lose I do 20 minutes. I don't write
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500 words, but I write a minimum of 100. And that's only on a really
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bad day. Don't make that your new minimum. The rule is never miss
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twice. You can miss one day. It's— you can be human.
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You might miss 2, but that's the start of a new habit.
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And that's the wrong habit you want. Remember, we're dialed in.
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This is a non-negotiable goal and it's going to happen. No more options,
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no more second-guessing yourself, and no more putting yourself last.
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And let me say this about schedules, ladies especially, and men. A lot
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of us were raised to make our lives available to everybody.
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We're the ones who say, oh, I'm flexible. Sweetheart, you're flexible
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is how your dreams get scheduled last. That's how
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you put yourself last. Being dialed in means your goals get the first
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and best hours of your day, not the leftovers. The leftovers
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go to everything else, which brings us to the hardest
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part. These are the words in the English language, and that's the word no.
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2 letters, no. 1 syllable. And for the most of
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us, the hardest word we will ever say. Here's the truth: every yes
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is a no to something else. So when you say yes to going
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to that PTA meeting, or you say yes to that date that you don't really
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want to go on, or you say yes to hang out with friends that you
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know is going to turn into a bitch session, when you say yes to the
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committee, You don't care about you. You're saying no to
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your morning block. When you say yes to every happy hour, you're saying no to
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the savings goal. When you are always saying no to something,
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the only question is whether you're, you're saying no on purpose or
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by accident. So let's get intentional. First, build a filter.
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Before you answer any request, run it through one question.
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Does this move me closer to my goal? Or does it pull me
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away? And there's a time and a place for this.
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If it makes you closer to your goal, go for it. If it's taking you
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away, it's clear. Closer is great. If it's away,
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it's a no, or at least a not right now. You can
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push it 90 days. Remember, this is a 90-day focused effort.
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You gotta grind. And it's something in the middle.
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Sometimes then it's a, let me check my calendar and get back
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to you. And maybe you just push it out for a little bit.
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That little pause is magic. It gets you out of the moment where people pleasing
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takes over. You should be checking your calendar and everything. Don't just say yes
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because somebody wants something. Second, you have to have scripts ready for
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people. Most of us say yes because we panic and don't
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know what else to say. So practice these until they're smooth.
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Thank you so much for thinking of me. I can't take,
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take that on right now. I've got too much on my plate.
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I'm in focus season with a big project, so I'm protecting my time.
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Can we revisit that again in the spring? Or say, that's something
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I can't commit to, but there's some— somewhere in the future
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it might be great. And my personal favorite is, no, but thank
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you. Thanks for thinking of me. A full sentence.
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No essay is required. No, it just means no. Sorry, I can't.
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Notice what you don't do. You don't overexplain.
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You don't apologize 5 times. You don't invent a
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fake sick aunt. You don't need to
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lie. It's okay to put yourself first.
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A clear, kind no is a gift, but to them
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and to you, sometimes people get upset about
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it. And I understand the people pleaser in women and men.
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Sometimes we try to make sure that everyone else is happy. But you gotta make
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yourself happy first too. Say no to the invisible stuff too. It's not just
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people, it's the phone. It's the 2-hour scroll. It's the endless shopping
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on Amazon or going to the mall. It's the TV show you don't
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even like, but you sit down because it's habitual and you watch it. It's the
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drama in the group chat that has nothing to do with you. Turn those
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things off. Turn your notifications off on your phone so you're
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not constantly getting dinged through the day and turn everything into schedules.
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Sometimes you can just have your, All your notifications pop
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up and schedule. Set your social media limited time to maybe 30
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minutes a day. Some of the biggest nos you'll ever say to
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yourself are at 9:30 at night when the couch is calling your name and
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the work is sitting right there and you're going to try to pound
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through it and keep yourself up till midnight or 1, but that messes up your
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whole next day. Expect pushback as well and don't flinch.
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When you start saying no to people, some people won't like it. The people
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who benefit most from you always saying yes will
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be the loudest. That's not a sign you're doing it wrong. It's just a sign
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it's working. The people who love you will always adjust.
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The people who only loved your availability and what they could get from you,
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they're going to drift. Let them. The reason you let
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them is because they were never there to support you. They were there for themselves.
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And what they could garner from you. I tell you what changed everything for me.
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I stopped thinking of no as rejecting someone and started
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thinking of it as keeping a promise to myself. When I say no
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to you, I'm saying yes to the woman I'm becoming, and she's worth protecting.
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You're worth protecting. So this week, I want you to say one
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no you would normally have turned into a yes.
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Just one. Notice how it feels. It may feel scary.
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It may feel like you're letting someone down, but notice how it feels
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the next day when you have that time back for your goal,
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that second feeling, that freedom, that sense of accomplishment just by hitting
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all your goals and targets for that day. You have to own your effort
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and have strong deliverables. Sometimes you're going to have to
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move faster. When you own your effort, not just your outcomes, you can always
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control results. Market shifts, the client ghosts you.
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Your body may plateau when you're trying to lose weight,
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but you can always control your effort. Did I show up? Did I do
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my non-negotiables? And at the end of every day, did I give my best?
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At the end of every day, rate your effort from 1 to 10. Be brutally
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honest with yourself too. Nobody else sees it. A week of 7s and 8s
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will beat a month of random 10s followed by zeros every
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single time. Be the turtle. That achieves a 7 or 8. You don't
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have to be the tortoise that does a 10 and then sleeps for the next
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3 days. This is deliverables, not tasks. A task
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is working on a website. A deliverable is finishing the homepage live
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with pricing and booking links. Tasks are endless.
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You can work on things endlessly, sometimes for 6 months.
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I can create so many tasks. I have a couple thousand in my task list
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actually right now. Deliverables have a specific finish line.
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So every week I want you to name 1 or 2 deliverables that you have
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to accomplish and finish. Things you can point to on
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Friday and say, that exists now and didn't on Monday.
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And now you feel a sense of accomplishment. That's how momentum is
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built. Not with effort that disappears, but with finishing
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tasks and things that stack. What makes
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a deliverable strong? 3 things. It's specific. Anyone could
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look at it and agree whether it's done. It's useful. It moves the
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goal forward, not just your to-do list, but it
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also, it's shipped. It leaves your hands out in the world
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in front of a customer. It's submitted. It's posted. It's sent. You can see
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a real-world finished product. A brilliant thing sitting
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in your draft folders is worth exactly zero if you
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haven't completed it. You don't get any value out of it. So now
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we're talking about speed. How do you turn a goal into a really fast
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accomplishment, faster than you may have thought possible?
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Here's what I've learned: you need to shorten your deadlines. Work expands
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to fill the time you give it. So if you say you want to lose
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10 pounds in 6 months, you'll lose 10 pounds in 6 months.
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Give yourself 6 months and it will take 6 months.
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But give yourself 6 weeks and you'll be shocked at what
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you can find and what you do. Set an aggressive deadline and
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then build backwards. Isn't it amazing how much we can get
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done when we have to leave for vacation in 2 or 3 days?
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How many things you get done, how many bills you pay. What if you could
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work at that level all the time? And done beats perfect.
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Perfectionism is just a fear in a really cute outfit.
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Version 1 is supposed to be a little embarrassing. You may ship it,
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you may give feedback, you may version 2 to make
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it a little better. The people moving fastest aren't the most talented. They're the
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ones who stopped waiting until it was flawless.
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They're the ones that have the discipline that show up in habits and realize
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it's important to get things out the door. Decide faster.
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Most of what slows us down isn't the work, It's the dithering.
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You give small decisions 5 minutes, medium decisions
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a day, and a big decision a week. That's slow.
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You need to pick and move and keep moving and make decisions faster.
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You're old enough in life now to realize what things
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need to do and what things need to happen. So just choose
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faster and learn from people who have done it. Find someone
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2 or 3 steps ahead of you and study what they did.
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Maybe you need to buy a course, read a book, take a person to
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coffee, Ask them if you can mentor them. You don't get
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extra credit for figuring out alone, for struggling. Why struggle
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when you can see so many other people that have done it already?
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Borrow a proven roadmap, can save you years. And then batch your
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work. Write all your content in one block. Make all
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your calls in one block. Don't say, I need to make 10 phone calls,
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and make a phone call and then go about your day. And then at the
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end of the day, realize you've got 9 more calls to make. You can't switch
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tasks constantly either. And I know this is a problem for us because
24:10
when you switch, it's like starting your car cold every 10 minutes, turning it
24:14
on and turning it off in the middle of winter. It takes
24:18
a while to warm up. You can't start your car every 10 minutes, go outside,
24:22
and then wonder why it's not always warm. Batch it and
24:26
you'll get hours back every day. And I know this is hard
24:29
for women because a lot of times we like to multitask. You can multitask
24:34
the simple tasks that don't have an impact on your goal,
24:37
but when it's related to your goal, you need a time block, you need to
24:41
batch it, and you need to focus just on it. Here's the mindset shift.
24:45
Average people ask, how long will this take?
24:48
Dialed-in people, people that are ready to hit those goals, they ask,
24:51
how could I do this in half the time? Just asking that question opens doors
24:56
you didn't even see before. Maybe it's hiring help. Maybe it's getting a
25:00
house cleaner so you can focus more on your business. Maybe it's getting a landscaper.
25:04
Maybe it's hiring an assistant. Maybe it's cutting a step that
25:09
doesn't matter or buying a tool that does it for you.
25:13
Maybe it's simply deciding that this is the season
25:16
and it's happening right now. Remember, your self-esteem, your self-image
25:21
is going to improve as you level up. I want to talk
25:25
about something nobody tells you about finishing. It changes who you are.
25:28
You grow as a person. We think self-esteem comes from compliments.
25:32
It doesn't. That's external validation from someone
25:35
telling us we're amazing. You don't really realize that until you
25:39
actually feel it. Real self-esteem, the kind that holds up when nobody's clapping,
25:43
comes from one place: keeping your promises to yourself,
25:47
holding yourself accountable for what you say you're going to do.
25:51
It's called integrity. Think about it. Every time you say
25:55
you're going to do something and you don't do it, you teach yourself that your
25:58
word doesn't mean much. Not to other people, not to you.
26:02
You become someone you don't fully trust. And if you can't trust yourself,
26:06
how can anyone else trust you? So then when somebody gives you a compliment,
26:10
you're seeking external validation because you feel weak
26:13
or empty inside, and the quiet eats away at your confidence.
26:18
But flip it. Every time you say you'll do something and you do it,
26:21
you cast a vote for a new identity. One workout is a vote. One finished
26:26
chapter is a vote. One no that protected your time is a vote.
26:29
Stack enough of those votes and one day you'll look in the mirror and realize
26:33
you're not trying to be that woman anymore, or that man. You are that
26:37
person. That's what self-image really is. It's the story you tell
26:41
yourself about who you are, backed up by evidence that you can
26:45
do anything. And you get there by finishing a goal,
26:49
and the strongest evidence there is. And you finish multiple
26:53
over and over again, and then you realize you can do anything.
26:57
Here's what happened the first time you fully complete a big goal. You feel proud,
27:00
obviously, but underneath that, there's something deeper. It's a quiet
27:05
certainty. I can do anything hard. I can do hard things.
27:09
And once you know that, really know it, you start
27:13
carrying yourself differently. You're confident. You negotiate differently.
27:16
You walk into rooms differently. You have different boundaries. You stop asking
27:20
permission. So how do you take it to the next level once you've
27:24
done this a few times? Collect your wins. Keep a done
27:28
list next to your to-do list. See, review it once in a while.
27:32
Every goal you've completed goes on it. On the days when doubts creep in,
27:36
and it will, you'll have bad days, you have proof of
27:40
all your accomplishments. Raise the bar on your proof. If your last goal was $2,000
27:44
a week, the next goal maybe needs to be $3,000 a week. Or even
27:48
5. Each finish earns you the right to dream bigger.
27:52
Don't play small. With a track record like yours,
27:56
don't stop playing small. We can accomplish
27:59
big things, and you can. I know you can.
28:02
Stack your goals into systems. After a few wins, you'll notice
28:06
the process is the same every time. Specific goals, specifically the
28:10
price tag, daily non-negotiables, deliverables, finishes. You're going to get better
28:14
at it. It's not luck. It's a system. Now you can run it
28:18
on anything, your money, your body, your business, your relationships. Then change
28:22
your circle because what you're gonna find is as you grow, you'll need people who
28:26
are playing at the next level. Find the rooms where you're not the most accomplished
28:30
person so you can learn from other people. That discomfort is your next growth
28:34
spurt. Teach it. Once you've done it a
28:38
few times, help someone else do it. Bring other people up with you. Nothing locks
28:42
in. What you know, like teaching it, and nothing feels better than watching someone
28:46
else realize they can do hard things too. Now, I will say this with a
28:49
caveat. You need to do this for people that want to learn
28:52
because there's a lot of people that say they want to learn, but then when
28:55
they get in the grind, they quit and they're not
28:59
your project. It's not your job to pull everybody up. If they want to come
29:02
with you, bring them. But if they don't, let them do it their own way.
29:06
And here's the real next level. You stop needing the goal to
29:09
feel worthy. You chase big things because you love
29:13
who you become in the chase. You love the journey,
29:16
not because you're trying to prove you're enough. You already are.
29:20
The goals are just how you show it. And then we get into the grind.
29:24
So the grind is gonna be required
29:28
that you go inward. Kind of hermit mode is what I call it.
29:32
So let's get real for a minute. We live in a culture that loves the
29:34
outcome and judges the process. People love the house, the travel,
29:39
the freedom, the designer bag, but a lot of those same people
29:42
are quick to demonize anyone who actually has those things.
29:47
Must be nice, they must be lucky, somebody handed it to them, or they must
29:51
have been rich growing up. And sure, some people are born into third base.
29:55
It's— I understand that privilege is real, and pretending it isn't helps
29:59
nobody. But for a whole lot of people who build real wealth, wealth.
30:03
What you don't see is the cost. You don't see the 5 years where
30:07
they woke up every, every morning at 5 AM,
30:11
the nights on the kitchen floor with a laptop and a spreadsheet after the kids
30:15
went to bed, the vacations not taken, the car they drove for a decade
30:19
so they could put the money back into their business or buy a real estate
30:23
property, the friends who stopped calling because they always had to work,
30:27
the investments that failed, the launches nobody showed up
30:30
to, the fear of payroll they weren't sure they could make,
30:34
the pain of creditors calling. Must be nice
30:38
erases all of that. And here's the thing, if you're
30:42
on this journey, someone's going to say it about you one day. It just— they
30:45
just do. I've had friends say it to me that really hurt because they
30:49
have no idea how many levels I had to go to to get to a
30:52
certain level. Let them. That's okay. They saw the highlight reel.
30:56
They never saw your hours. And maybe it's a good idea just
31:00
to let those people go because they'll never understand.
31:03
They don't understand what grit is. Grit is passion plus persistence over
31:08
a long time. It's not intensity for a weekend. It's not being
31:11
a weekend warrior. It's showing up 3 years in a row when it's
31:15
boring and no one's watching and the results still haven't
31:19
caught up with your efforts. Most people quit in the, in the gap. They do.
31:23
The gap becomes effort and consistency and discipline,
31:26
and, and they can't handle it. Grit is staying in
31:30
the gap until the results catch up. And they do catch up,
31:33
usually all at once, after a long time of looking
31:36
like nothing was ever going to happen. And the grind— I
31:39
want to be careful here because the grind gets
31:43
glamorized online in some unhealthy ways. Grinding doesn't mean destroying
31:47
your health, ignoring your kids or your relationships, or never
31:51
sleeping. A burned-out woman doesn't build an empire. She builds a hospital
31:55
bill. I've been there. I've done that. The real grind
31:58
is boring. It's boring consistency is what it is. It's doing the
32:02
unsexy work, the follow-up emails, the bookkeeping,
32:06
the 10th rewrite on my book, day after day after day,
32:10
when it would be easier to go watch a movie or hang out with the
32:13
kids or go in the pool. Which brings me to the hermit mode.
32:16
Sometimes to make something big happen, you have to go
32:20
quiet. You have to disappear for a season, not forever, but a season.
32:24
Hermit mode looks like this: you pull back from social calendars,
32:28
you stop posting on social media about what you're going to do, and, and you
32:32
just go do it. You delete the apps that eat away at your evenings.
32:36
You tell the people closest to you, I'm in building season for
32:40
the next 90 days. I love you. I'll be less available. And here's when you'll
32:43
get back is when you're done. And then you go to work.
32:47
Why does this work? It's because the attention is your most valuable
32:51
resource. Like I said earlier, whenever you're in grind mode,
32:55
you need to focus completely, and the world's designed to steal your
32:59
attention. When you go quiet, you get your attention
33:02
back. You stop performing your goals and start producing
33:05
them. And here's the thing, sometimes something powerful about not
33:09
announcing it When other people have input,
33:12
sometimes they try to drag you down. When you tell everyone your plans,
33:16
your brain gets a little hit of satisfaction, almost as
33:19
if you already did it. But you've got to keep it close and you got
33:23
to stay hungry because some people aren't there for your best interests.
33:26
A few rules for doing hermit mode: set a time limit,
33:30
30, 60, or 90 days. There has to be a clear finish line with clear
33:34
deliverables. Keep your foundation, your sleep, your movement, your real
33:37
food, and your innermost circle can stay,
33:41
but only if they're supportive. You're going quiet, not going dark
33:45
on the people who matter. Have one deliverable.
33:48
Hermit mode without a target is just isolation.
33:53
You better plan your re-entry, come back out, celebrate,
33:55
reconnect, and rest before your next push. And you might have
33:59
to go hermit mode several times before you hit your end goal. The people who
34:02
seem to suddenly blow up out of nowhere?
34:06
Most of them weren't nowhere. They were in hermit mode. You didn't
34:10
see it because they— there was no point for them to show off. They were
34:14
working on themselves. True abundance is the challenge. So let's
34:18
bring it back home. What does a true life of abundance actually look
34:22
like? It's not just money, although money matters,
34:25
and I'll never pretend it doesn't. Money buys options, safety,
34:29
and generosity. But true abundance is bigger.
34:32
It's having enough time to be present for the person
34:36
you love, enough health to enjoy what you've built,
34:39
enough peace that you're not checking your bank account or
34:43
your abs with stomach and knots, and enough confidence that
34:47
when life knocks you down, and it will, you know you can build it
34:51
back. Abundance isn't the absence of hard work, it's the reward for
34:54
it. It's what's on the other side of all the early mornings, The nos,
34:58
the deliverables, the grit, and the quiet season.
35:01
And the beautiful part is that once you built it once,
35:04
nobody can take it away from you, the knowledge you've created.
35:08
So here's your 30-day challenge. I want you to get really dialed
35:12
in. Write down your specific goal with a date and a why and
35:16
a price tag you agree to pay. Choose up to 3 daily
35:20
non-negotiables and block them on your calendar first thing in
35:24
the day. Set 1 intentional, no this week, that you're gonna tell somebody no.
35:29
Name one deliverable every Monday and ship it by Friday.
35:32
Rate your effort every night, 1 to 10, and set tomorrow's top
35:36
3. Consider whether this is a season for hermit mode.
35:40
If it is, set the dates and tell your inner circle. 30 days.
35:44
That's it. Do it and come tell me how it went. Send me a
35:48
message, leave a review, or tag the show. I wanna hear about your wins.
35:52
You are not too late in life. You're not too old. You're just getting started.
35:56
You just forgot what the grit and the grind was about. You're not too far
35:59
behind. You're one decision away from a completely different life.
36:03
Not a wish, a decision. So go make it happen.
36:06
Get dialed in. Own it. See it through. This has been
36:10
Diva Mia. If this episode spoke to you or lit a fire under you,
36:13
share it with a friend. Remember, you can accomplish great things.
36:17
You just have to put in the grind, put in the effort, and dial in.
36:21
I hope you have an amazing week. Let's make the lives that we
36:25
dreamed of. Ciao ciao, talk to you later.
36:29
Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe, and drop a
36:33
comment. We love hearing from you. Visit thedivadetails.com
36:37
to connect. See you next week for more.
36:44
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36:48
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