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What are the signs of a toxic friendship? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

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  SPEAKER_00: Kinder.
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  SPEAKER_00: Just like any other relationships, friendships can go through difficult periods.
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  SPEAKER_00: Having a disagreement or a bad day doesn't m automatically make a friendship toxic.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's often the pattern of behaviour that matters.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's really important because a lot of the time friendships are seen as more disposable in society.
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  SPEAKER_00: But one of the first signs of whether a friendship is toxic is how you feel around that person.
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  SPEAKER_00: So for example, if you're regularly leaving conversations feeling worse about yourself, questioning your worth or feeling emotionally exhausted, it's worth paying attention to that.
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  SPEAKER_00: Our feelings can sometimes tell us something important about our relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: Another sign is a lack of respect for boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: A healthy friendship allows you to say no and to disagree.
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  SPEAKER_00: You should be allowed to have your own opinions, your own space, and your own relationships without feeling guilty or pressured.
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  SPEAKER_00: You may also notice that friendship feels one-sided.
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  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you're always listening to problems, supporting them, making the effort to arrange things, but when you need support, they're unavailable or dismissive.
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  SPEAKER_00: There can also be constant criticism or put down sometimes disguised as jokes.
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  SPEAKER_00: If someone regularly makes you feel small and then tells you that you're too sensitive when you're hurt, that can be another warning sign.
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  SPEAKER_00: Another thing to look out for is manipulation or guilt.
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  SPEAKER_00: For example, feeling as though you have to do something because otherwise they'll be angry, upset, or withdraw their friendship.
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  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps one of the biggest signs is that you feel like you can't be yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: You're constantly thinking about how they might react, monitoring what you say or changing your behaviour to keep the peace.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, from a counselling perspective, I think it's important not to immediately tell somebody what they should do.
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  SPEAKER_00: Instead, we encourage reflection.
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  SPEAKER_00: So a reflective strategy might be you prompting yourself around how do you feel with that person?
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  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel that you can be heard or respected?
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  SPEAKER_00: Can you be yourself?
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  SPEAKER_00: Is there a balance?
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  SPEAKER_00: And if I set a boundary, how is that boundary received?
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  SPEAKER_00: Because a healthy relationship doesn't mean everything is perfect, we're different people navigating things around our own traumas, our own experiences, and that takes work.
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  SPEAKER_00: What determines whether it is healthy is creating room for communication, respect, empathy, and boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: So if you're recognising some of these signs in a friendship and you're feeling drained, you don't necessarily have to make a decision to cut the friendship off.
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  SPEAKER_00: Start by noticing the patterns and listening to how the relationship makes you feel.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the most important question isn't are they a toxic person?
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  SPEAKER_00: It's is this friendship healthy for me?
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  SPEAKER_00: And that can give us a good guideline on how to move forward and whether that will be sustainable.