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Sober Talk SA - Henry · Sober Talk SA

• 0:20
  Hello everyone. My name's Henry, I'm an
• 0:22
  alcoholic and I'm here to tell you my story of how I came to be
• 0:29
  an alcoholic, and our got to the point where I felt that I really
• 0:35
  needed to stop. And then what happened after
• 0:40
  Would sigh what it's like now that I'm not drinking, I was
• 0:44
  raised in a fairly strict, religious home.
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  Born in little industrious town, in Western Australia from a, an
• 0:57
  immigrant family from Europe in the early 60s.
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  And yeah, my parents were quite religious.
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  I was brought to church every Sunday.
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  And we used to do Sunday school, and then, as I got a little bit
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  older, it was like church twice on Sundays, where Bible study
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  during the week, and there was even a thing called Saturday
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  school as well. So, you know, my life was fairly
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  full of live, very strict, religious upbringing.
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  And yet the town that I grew up in my mic and stuff that I went
• 1:38
  to school with because I went to Non religious school or
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  non-Christian school if you like.
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  And, you know, I remember having an argument with the mic about,
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  you know, the religious stuff in, you know, all those are
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  because even though I had this thing of it, all really wanted
• 2:10
  to be good. But then I had this a lot of
• 2:13
  fear, there was a lot of fear that was in me as well as child
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  Braga. The Cog thing for me, introduced
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  me to a lot of fear in regards to our.
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  Remember Me Mum's fine to me, one time, you know that God sees
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  everything you do and like I'm thinking on know, But as I got
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  into my early teens and I had my first drink milk and amazing
• 2:48
  thing happened to release a lot of that fear and I have a lot of
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  guilt going on to for whatever reason it was.
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  So now the look back up on it there was that thing of I had
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  this anxiety and fear and it just seemed to be with me all
• 3:08
  the time. And I always felt like I didn't
• 3:13
  fit in and, you know, so when I had a few drinks, when I was a
• 3:19
  kid, I just felt this full-on relief, like, alcohol, just seem
• 3:26
  to free me up. And on it made me feel good,
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  made me feel good, but of course, being a young kid
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  drinking, obviously made me feel sick.
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  As well. And so there was that side of
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  it. So as I was growing up in my
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  early teen years, I go out and get drunk and that and come home
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  and then it was like go out on Thursday night, get trunk with
• 3:54
  me, might come come home late on Sunday night and then next thing
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  I know I'd have to be hauled off to church and I'm sitting in
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  church, got the guilt for Lon sitting in the back of the
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  church, they listen to the minister gown on.
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  I was like what the fun was out there with me mates getting
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  drunk and but there was the thing that I needed to be a good
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  person as well and I'll sort of stuck between the two and I
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  remember someone someone talkin about themselves one day and
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  they said that they felt like that they were too bad for the
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  good taste. People and too good for the bad
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  people. And for me I really, really
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  liked when I first heard that, it's exactly how I felt.
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  And yet the fun was with with the bad people.
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  If you like my weren't necessarily bad people but, you
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  know, going out getting drunk and steal and carve stuff was
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  all part of, you know, Yeah, we used to call it running amok,
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  just outrun the muck just getting drunk and doing crazy
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  things. I've got a lot of Mike from
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  that, that all grew up with that have died to on that stuff, you
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  know, smashing carve have a motorbike accident and I did all
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  that stuff. I've got a really close friend.
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  I went up to Darwin with when I was only 17 time and He got hit
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  by a car when he was drunk and he died before the age of 21.
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  I've got, I know so many people in my life that of passed away
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  through alcoholic mishap and misadventure.
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  And, you know, I'm 16 now, I can't believe that I actually
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  made it to seek the I can't Of that.
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  But a massive part of that is, is that, you know, I might 460
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  because I was able to give up drinking and, you know, it was
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  through a lot of trauma and stuff that I went through, in
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  regards to, you know, I was always looking for something,
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  big me up, something be up on the outside to make me feel
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  better. And you know, I thought, you
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  know, if I get myself good woman and that'll be okay, then, you
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  know, I'll be alright then, you know, make you feel better.
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  Settled down in that and yeah, I've got myself a good woman.
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  Got married, had had three, beautiful kids had the hair,
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  good job in there but I didn't realize that, you know, that I'm
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  an alcoholic and that I suffer from a disease called alcoholism
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  and The World Health Authority recognizes alcoholism.
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  That's what to say. And I've come to believe that
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  the disease as well, and that's only true being able to study
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  with alcoholism is all about and this fear and anxiety in that.
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  And I seem to have with me continuously.
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  Like until I had a drink. Once I had a dream, I felt okay.
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  But then Lord, you know, if I kept the next morning or do that
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  frightened, little boy again, but then, like, I look forward
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  to the next street. Whether it be, you know, the
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  following Friday or, you know, whatever it was.
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  As soon as I had that training, that always made me feel better,
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  but not having a drink Being Sober.
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  That was, that was sort of lot more dilemma, you know.
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  Like, again, I had this I don't know whether it's inferiority
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  complex. Ex or whatever.
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  It's just like I look at other people living their life and
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  it's like they've been given the Book of Life.
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  They seem to you know go through life.
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  They go to go to university, get a degree and then get a good
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  job. Get married have kids and
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  everything just you know straightforward but my story's
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  not like that. Like what stories one of you
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  know, getting things or getting people in my life and thinking
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  that they'll fit They or whatever things that I'll gotten
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  more life would fix me. And then I'd be standing there
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  thinking so this it, you know, and it was like, I couldn't fill
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  up whatever that Gap was, that would be within me.
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  And since I've been sober and being down to doing 12-step
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  program, I've heard people talk about this thing that call it,
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  the hole in the soul and that's what I had, I had this whole
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  Andhra style that I just could not fill that up and yet when I
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  drink it, sort of relieved, me of that.
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  But then when I got sober again, it was all back to that, you
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  know, I'm left with me. So I didn't understand why I
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  felt that way. And yeah, on you, I felt that
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  way but I didn't have any words to describe that and it wasn't
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  until You know, fuck off only list.
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  I ended up leaving my beautiful wife and three beautiful kids
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  because they couldn't my wife. Just didn't want me to drink
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  anymore, nor tried so hard to stop so many times, and that's
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  another thing. You know, I could always stop
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  but I could never stay stopped and again, whatever of learned.
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  Since I've been sober, you know, in Alcoholics Anonymous.
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  It's like of being able to learn about why or felt the way I felt
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  and how to, you know, make some sense of it.
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  And this thing about the whole and the sole thing, it was that,
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  you know, I was craving something, but I didn't know
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  what and alcohol fed. That alcohol, relieved me?
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  Of that anxiety and fear and it wasn't until I got to I say
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  that, I heard about these things than that, you know?
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  But for me once I put the drink down light or thought things
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  would be better but it actually got harder for me and I had to
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  work out. What was actually wrong with me
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  and there are was, you know, being left with me because I
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  always felt But thing of the I just I just needed that relief
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  and and what's happened since I've been in AI of fear and or
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  what better way of living that it's not what's out there that
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  are needed to fix me up but it was what was inside of me.
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  That was the problem or I'm off Myself was the problem where I
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  would think that it was everybody else's fault while
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  felt this way and it had nothing to do with anybody else.
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  So I was always my problem and I had to look at me and that's
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  been the hardest, hardest thing that I've been able to do is
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  look at the reasons why I feel the way off.
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  Oh, and there's this thing called resentment.
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  I didn't even know what that word meant, the sentiment, but I
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  know that I had resentment towards my parents by had the
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  template towards the fact that they Grant, you know, they
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  dragged me to church every Sunday that had to do this that
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  and the other And my mum was very sick for a very long time.
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  As I was growing up, she suffered from a lot of mental
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  illness and that. So she wasn't around for a long
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  time when I was growing up. So you know I could all like
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  blame those situations on why drink and you know people would
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  say to me you know you're not fight when you Very angry but
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  when you drink something happens to you and there's a thing that
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  I heard that all know about is true for me is that I described
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  it as a Jekyll and Hyde Drinker. And when I drink, and I can
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  become really nasty in violent and always thought that when I
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  drink old quite a happy drunk, but That wasn't necessarily the
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  case of us, like, I've been sitting in the pub, having a
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  couple of beers and I'd be all happy and stuff like that.
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  And then someone would sort of look at me the wrong way, or say
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  something a little bit out of kilter.
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  And yeah, I just get really nasty in that and, and I am not
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  that way at all odd. And again, you know, I'd wake up
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  the next morning and I'll be that frightened.
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  Little boy again and think External go on like this, but I
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  didn't know any other way, but I have found a solution and
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  that's, that's a far better way to leave.
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  I haven't had a drink near for, you know, 17 years and I'm
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  feeling good and that, that hole in the soul that I've talked
• 14:34
  about a couple of times, you know, I feel that that is It's
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  being filled and it's not, you know, through material
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  possessions because I haven't got much anyway but and not
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  through having, you know, a wonderful marriage or anything
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  like that because I'm single at the minute.
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  And but I have got an amazing connection with my I'll never
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  thought I would ever be able to have no thought and emotion
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  connection with people around me, which I'll never thought was
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  possible. And and the biggest thing of all
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  is that I've got a connection with myself and I know who I am,
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  where I am where I'm going and, you know, that packs from rural
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  life to be able to feel feel that way, from where I come from
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  from the anxiety and the fear and Anxiousness.
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  The feeling of feeling lost to where I am now is absolutely
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  massive. And you know, sometimes I can't
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  describe it, work how good I feel?
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  Sometimes, you know, and I know that it comes from the
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  acceptance that, you know, whatever is going on in my life
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  on, it'll be looked after and it's not that are full-on.
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  Believe in that religious thing that I grew up with, but I do
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  believe and that flow of learned in Alcoholics.
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  Anonymous has well that I can believe in whatever.
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  I want to believe in, you know, it doesn't have to be fairly, be
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  God and such, but a higher power that I saw someone drop me on
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  this planet and someone's giving me his life.
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  Someone's making this whole thing spin around, whatever that
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  is, you know, the great spirit, the Creator, you know, you know,
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  the higher intelligence or whatever.
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  And I don't necessarily and that's what an amazing relief.
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  It was for me, too. When I came to, I, they said to
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  me, it doesn't necessarily you don't have to believe in what
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  any body else believes in. You can have your own conception
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  of a power that greater than you or not, you don't have to
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  believe in anything, you know. And I absolutely love that
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  because there are was you know, in that The Lamer all of, you
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  know, the the fee of by God and then, you know, me on the other
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  side. And there was just such a
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  conflict of such a conflict in my mind and but I don't have to
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  fear anymore, and that, that in itself is such a relief.
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  You know, it is such a relief. And nice to keep.
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  I have to keep going to meetings, and I've got more
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  friends or know what to do with their.
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  Whereas, before when I was in the thick of me drinking, you
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  know, be waking up in a, in a sweat bed, watching snow TV.
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  Thinking, this is freedom, you know, and that wasn't Freedom at
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  all in reality of the imprisoned, in my own mind, and
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  I didn't know how to get out of it and always, always thought
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  that, You know, people that told me, I used to say, to me all you
• 18:40
  got to stop drinking, you got to stop drinking on you.
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  I had to stop drinking. But how, how do I stop drinking?
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  You know, people would tell me I had to do this lad to do that
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  and but the amazing thing was when I went to AI, they said to
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  me, well, here's our story. If, if you want to do what we've
• 19:03
  done, then you're welcome to do that.
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  But if you don't And you want to go a concave Franken that's
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  entirely up to you and that was absolutely sucks.
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  Another massive relief to me, you know, there wasn't any rules
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  or any regulations. People said to me, you can do
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  it, whichever way you want to do it.
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  You know, there's the 12 steps, you know, you can start wherever
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  you want there, it doesn't matter.
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  And if I don't want to go to a meeting, so I don't have to go,
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  you know, and that's what I love about it too.
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  There's no hard and fast rule because I grew up with all that
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  stuff and it was absolutely stifling absolutely
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  thoughtfully. And that, the last thing I need
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  is my life. Because I'm on you, I knew I
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  wasn't doing the right thing. When I was drinking that, I knew
• 20:00
  all that stuff. I didn't, I didn't need people.
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  So tell me I was doing the wrong thing, but what was happening?
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  It was oscillating me. It was, you know, there's this,
• 20:13
  there's a thing that the talks about, you know what, drink to
• 20:16
  be social and I'll become antisocial.
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  You know, I drank to get rid of my fear not became bewildered,
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  you know, there's all these things that I drank for, you
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  know, alcohol promised me everything and it took away
• 20:32
  everything at the end. Of the day and that's what I
• 20:35
  believe that, that, you know, more because e is within me and
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  I suffer from alcoholism. The alcoholism is alcohol's in
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  the bottle, but there is a, is inside me and it how I see me
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  and how I perceive others as well.
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  And today, you know, I see. Or see myself in a different
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  light and what I used to see myself, you know, like I used to
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  have a massive chip on my shoulder phone if I come into a
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  room. And there was a couple of people
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  on the other side of the room, telling a joke and laughing.
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  I had this massive chip on my shoulder, think of they were
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  laughing about me. You know, I just had this
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  resentment towards pretty well every everyone and everything.
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  And I don't have that today. You know, there's that thing of
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  Live and Let Live and on the ladder, live my life, whatever
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  way I see fit to live my life and other people that lived a
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  life, whatever they want to live their life.
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  And, you know, got nothing to do with be our other people live
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  their life, as long as I live my life, the way I see fit to live
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  my own life, I love that stuff. It's it's really, really cool.
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  It's really cool. Which of the 12 Steps.
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  Do you think really helped you most?
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  Which of the 12 Steps? Help me most such good question.
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  I think. Number one, where I had to admit
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  that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had
• 22:33
  become unmanageable because what was every time I stop drinking
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  after a while, I would start feeling better.
• 22:43
  And I've think, you know, I'm feeling that much better.
• 22:47
  I reckon on whatever the other drink and that point there.
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  As soon as I had another tree, I thought that I could handle
• 22:55
  Gillette. And that first step says,
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  admitted that old powerless over alcohol.
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  So once I could have completely admit somewhat in the self that,
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  you know, that I was completely powerless over that first drink
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  then I could accept that. I could not have another drink
• 23:19
  because every time I had a drink the alcohol would have power
• 23:25
  over me. I'd be under you know That the
• 23:32
  pair of alcohol, you'll be under the influence and we'll be off
• 23:35
  and running from running and being alcoholic of God physical
• 23:39
  allergy, where for take the first drink, I'm compelled to
• 23:44
  have another drink and another drink and another drink, and
• 23:47
  I've done that experiment so many times that I know for me, I
• 23:53
  will coholic, I have this allergy.
• 23:55
  I have a physical allergy towards alcohols, they won't pop
• 23:59
  pick up that. First bring I'm compelled to
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  drink and drink and drink. It's like the more I drink the
• 24:07
  thirstier I'll get and that's exactly the way it is.
• 24:12
  I might just run through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 24:17
  It's the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 24:21
  We admitted we were powerless over alcohol.
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  That our lives had become unmanageable to came to believe
• 24:27
  that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to
• 24:29
  sanity. Sanity 3 made a decision to
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  turn. Our will.
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  Now lies all the care of God, as we understood him for made, a
• 24:38
  searching and fearless moral, inventory of ourselves, father,
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  admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being, the
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  exact nature of our wrongs six were entirely ready to have God,
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  remove all these defects of character 7 humbly, ask him to
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  remove our shortcomings, eight made a list of persons.
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  We had harmed and became Willing to make amends to them all non
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  made direct amends to such people wherever possible,
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  except, when to do, so would injure them or others?
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  10 continued, say personal inventory.
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  And when we were wrong promptly related 11, so through prayer
• 25:15
  and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God.
• 25:18
  As we understood him praying, only for knowledge of his will
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  for those in the power to carry it out and 12 having had a
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  spiritual awakening as a result of these steps.
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  We try to carry this. This message to alcoholics and
• 25:32
  practice. These principles in all our
• 25:34
  Affairs, we have local maintenance for the full week in
• 25:39
  the local area, Monday is Golem meeting at 8:00, Tuesday, is
• 25:44
  Elizabeth East at 8 o'clock. Wednesday is Elizabeth East at 8
• 25:49
  o'clock. Thursday is to Wells at 8:00 and
• 25:53
  Fridays Salisbury at 8:00. There's a meeting at devil on
• 25:57
  park at 12:00 and on There's a maintenance Salisbury at 7:00
• 26:02
  and many of the meetings in the area for details of your local
• 26:07
  Maintenance, please Fawn 1,300 CC, so double to double to.
• 26:13
  And once again, if anyone, you know is struggling with alcohol
• 26:16
  issues, police called Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 dual suitable,
• 26:21
  suitable. So or check out their website on
• 26:24
  are DOT org dot, are you? I don't want to be the guy or
• 26:38
  the girl. I don't want to be the girl, has
• 27:38
  to fill the silence a quiet. Do you?
• 29:00
  It's good, that it's good. It's so good till it goes bad so
• 29:06
  you're trying to find the ooh you want some