Latest / Celeste The Therapist / Ep 500 Honoring Your Emotions and Embracing Vulnerability

Transcript

Ep 500 Honoring Your Emotions and Embracing Vulnerability · Celeste The Therapist

0:01
You are now tuned in to Celeste, the therapist podcast. Hello,
0:05
my name is Celeste. Thank you so much for giving me a try. If
0:08
you are new here, I wanna say thank you so much for checking me
0:12
out. What we do here is I talk about
0:15
areas of our lives that we get stuck in. I talk
0:19
about why we get stuck and I help you shift the way you think
0:22
about it by giving you practical tools. I'm all about
0:26
using what you have, starting where you can. And I
0:29
think a lot of times people tend to give up because they don't
0:33
understand why they're feeling this things that they're feeling
0:36
or why things are happening. And I find that the more
0:40
educated we are about a topic, the better it is
0:43
for us to create change in our life. If
0:47
you are a long-time listener, thank you so much for sticking it out with
0:50
me. I appreciate you. If you enjoy these
0:53
episodes that I do, do me a favor, share it with somebody
0:57
that you love. If you want a topic discussed, all you
1:00
gotta do is email me, info at celestatherapist.com. If
1:04
you want to follow me, you can follow me everywhere at Celesta Therapist.
1:09
Also, I have a whole wellness center that I created called
1:13
Shifting the Way You Think. And if you want to learn more about
1:16
the wellness center, get involved, attend one of the classes, all
1:20
you got to do is go to stwyt.com. Again,
1:24
that's www.stwyt.com. All
1:30
right, let's get into this amazing episode. Hey,
1:35
hey, y'all before we get started on today's
1:38
episode, this is episode 500. Can I
1:42
just, I wish I had some sound effects. Cause you know, I was
1:45
like, oh my gosh, like I hit the 500 mark. And
1:49
just so we're clear, I would not have been able to hit the 500 mark
1:53
if I didn't start with one. back in
1:57
2018, it feels like ages ago, ages ago. So
2:01
I'm so excited, a huge milestone and 500 episodes, I
2:06
have this wellness center, the life that I have created
2:10
for me professionally where I'm going after the things that
2:13
I feel like I was destined to do has been such
2:17
a journey emotionally, which is crazy
2:21
because we're talking about emotions and honoring our emotions today. But
2:25
it's been such a journey and that wasn't intentional. I didn't say
2:28
like, today I'm going to talk about emotions because it's
2:31
the 500th episode as I'm saying this right now. I'm realizing
2:36
that it could connect and I'll tie it in. Now
2:40
that I'm thinking about it, I'll tie it in as I'm talking
2:44
about honoring your emotions to making sure
2:47
you're thinking about your dreams and your goals. recognizing how
2:51
the emotions play. That was not a part of the program today,
2:54
but I'm going to intertwine it in somehow. You know how I do if you've been here
2:58
for a long time. So yeah, 500 episodes, beyond excited,
3:02
beyond grateful for everyone across the world that listens to
3:05
me. It's not just the United States, We have people
3:09
in different parts of every continent that
3:13
listens to me. So I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my
3:17
heart, because I could not continue to push this podcast
3:21
if it wasn't for you listening, if it wasn't for you sharing, purchasing my
3:25
books, going to my classes, whatever you've done, sharing a post
3:28
on social media. I'm excited. I'm
3:32
grateful. It's scary sometimes, but you know what I'm saying? But I'm grateful.
3:35
All right, let's get into today's episode. So we're talking about honoring
3:39
our emotions. So important. And you're
3:43
going to understand why it's important. I seen a post that was like, oh
3:46
my gosh, I wish these emotions weren't here. They suck. I
3:50
get it. I feel you. like hardcore, I feel you.
3:53
I wish that it didn't feel as hard, but
3:57
the more I leaned into the fact that, you know what, I'm going to have these emotions, I
4:01
don't feel like things are just happening to me in life. So
4:04
let's just start with understanding. And also I'm on YouTube for all
4:08
my audio listeners. I do visuals so that people who
4:12
are more visually inclined like me, can look
4:16
at it. I encourage you to use this podcast as
4:19
a teaching modality where you're able to take notes and
4:23
have that notebook, call it your healing notebook or my journey
4:27
to wellness, whatever you want to call it. add these podcast
4:31
episode notes in there so that you can go back to
4:35
it and give your mind a refresher. The mind only has access
4:38
to what we have allowed it to see. And if you have
4:42
trauma in your life, if you're only on social media, if you're watching the news all
4:46
day, if you're living in a toxic environment, your mind is only going
4:49
to know that. But when you expose yourself to new things like this
4:52
podcast, or a book, or a YouTube motivational
4:56
video, or a support group in person, or therapy, when
5:00
you start to give your mind a new narrative, your mind's going to show
5:03
you the possibilities of how you can get things done. So
5:07
that's why it's important. So definitely use this podcast as
5:10
a learning tool to help you grow, because that's my goal.
5:13
I'm going to talk about the issues, but we're going to talk about how we're going to get through it.
5:17
So what are emotions? Emotions are a complex combination
5:21
of physical and mental states that are triggered by events or situations. So
5:25
the definition of emotions are conscious mental reactions that involve psychological
5:29
and behavioral changes. They are associated with feelings, thoughts,
5:33
and a degree of pleasure or displeasure. Guess
5:37
what, if you're human, you're gonna experience emotions. Whether you
5:40
choose to check in with them, whether you choose to acknowledge them or
5:43
not, you are gonna experience emotions. And
5:47
the thing about emotions is that they're coming up based
5:51
off of some past stuff. I've been through a lot in my
5:54
life. I'm 42, I've been through a lot. And my healing process
6:00
has been a journey and I am so much more elevated. Sometimes
6:04
I feel so
6:07
emotional with gratitude about where I am psychologically
6:11
versus where I was before. I'm sharing that because And
6:16
2025, something that's happened in the past could still come up. The difference
6:20
in it now with me being able to acknowledge and honor my emotions is
6:23
that I'm able to differentiate between 2025 and
6:29
2005. I'm able to tell my mind, oh, nope, it's OK. This is the same thing that's happening.
6:34
And if you're not somebody that's paying attention to your emotions or honoring your
6:37
emotions, you're allowing something that happened in
6:40
1999 to affect you in 2025. And that's just not fair. Right.
6:44
And it feels so real. It consumes you. Like the feeling
6:48
is real. I'm not here to say the feeling's not real, but the evidence,
6:51
the logic behind it is not the same. If
6:55
I struggle with abandonment issues and my husband's leaving to
6:59
go to work, And I start feeling like,
7:02
oh my gosh, he's leaving me. He's not leaving me. That
7:06
logic is not right. He's not leaving me. He's
7:09
going to work. So now that I'm able to differentiate
7:13
the difference, when that feeling comes up where it feels like he's leaving
7:16
me, I can tell my system, no, he's just going to work. It's fine. So
7:21
that's what emotions are. Now let's talk about why we
7:24
avoid emotions, right? Because unfortunately, we're not
7:28
taught. I wasn't taught about emotions. I don't blame anybody for
7:31
the teaching that happened. Because if you grew up in America, you
7:35
grew up in a system where people aren't talking about emotions,
7:39
where our system is not sharing emotions and
7:42
how it works. So why do we avoid emotions? So
7:46
fear of vulnerability, right? That's one. Sharing
7:51
strong emotions can feel risky, especially if you grew up in a Black
7:54
household where emotions were not talked about, you would be
7:58
seen and not heard, where the emphasis was only on
8:01
church. And so if you felt like you were struggling, you thought you wasn't doing
8:05
the church thing correctly, right? And so vulnerability is
8:08
not something that a lot of us, especially in the Black community, has
8:12
been able to tap into, even though we are human, right? And
8:16
you trace this back to slavery days, right?
8:20
You couldn't show emotion. And believe it or not, a lot
8:23
of the ways that things were done in that traumatic background has
8:27
been passed on through our lineage, through our DNA. There's
8:31
evidence to suggest that. And so it gets passed on
8:34
and passed on. And it's up to us, as
8:38
you're listening to this, to work on breaking the cycle. Be vulnerable with
8:41
yourself. That's important. Social pressures. We
8:45
avoid emotion in certain cultures. Social groups discourage
8:49
it. Sometimes people say, oh, I'm going to be strong. I'm not going to cry. Like,
8:53
excuse me. We are going to cry. And guess what? That allows
8:57
us to be strong. Being strong does not mean that
9:00
you don't have any kind of emotion that sucks or
9:03
doesn't feel good. Being strong is
9:06
you being able to recognize when you need
9:10
support, when you are struggling. Past
9:14
experiences, so traumatic events can lead to emotional avoidance
9:18
as a protective mechanism to prevent re-experiencing pain.
9:21
This is something that's real. If you've gone through some things and
9:25
it feels hard, I had somebody on my podcast one time says we're
9:29
divorced from our bodies because during some stages of
9:32
our lives, being presently there has been hard. And
9:36
so you learn how to escape. As soon as the emotion feels like it's coming,
9:40
uh-oh, let me pick up my phone. Let me call this person. Let
9:43
me grab a bottle. Let me go parties, because I don't want to feel
9:46
this, because the feeling feels so painful. And so
9:51
that's another reason why people find themselves avoiding. Lack
9:55
of emotional regulation. So not knowing how
9:58
to manage these intense emotions can cause you
10:01
to avoid it, which can be scary because guess what?
10:04
They're going to show up in different ways. And then the
10:08
last one is fear of conflict. So some people avoid expressing
10:13
anger or frustration because they want to make
10:17
the relationship harmonize. I was somebody that definitely avoided talking
10:21
about things. I didn't want people to feel bad. Forget how
10:25
I was feeling. The audacity of me to not honor my emotions, I
10:29
say that to myself now. I say that when I'm working with people where they're
10:32
worried more about what other people are going to think or say or feel versus
10:36
how their behavior is affecting them. And
10:39
so those are some reasons why you might find yourself avoiding
10:43
emotions. I'm sharing this because I need you to have grace with yourself as
10:46
I'm talking about these things so you can understand it didn't just come
10:49
out of nowhere. There are reasons why we're not in a
10:53
space of being able to be vulnerable. What are the
10:56
consequences of avoiding your emotions, right? I need to share this with you
10:59
because I don't want you to continue going through life avoiding things
11:03
that are hard. These are some consequences that you
11:07
may find yourself struggling with. Mental health issues, right?
11:11
Avoiding emotions can contribute to higher levels of anxiety, depression,
11:15
and stress because guess what? Those feelings are just going to keep building
11:18
up over time. The amount of sadness and
11:22
deep darkness I felt in my system was
11:26
due to me avoiding emotions, right? I mean, they were there,
11:29
but I didn't know what they were. I couldn't name them. They just started showing up
11:33
in different ways. When I look back in hindsight at my life, I
11:36
can see how it showed up. Relationship problems, right?
11:41
If you are avoiding emotions and how you're feeling
11:45
and your relationships, whether intimate, family, friends, work,
11:49
social, you're going to find yourself struggling and having issues
11:52
in these relationships. Physical symptoms,
11:56
this is huge. Chronic emotional suppression can manifest
12:00
physically through symptoms like headache, fatigue, muscle
12:04
tension, and digestive issues. You
12:08
may call yourself avoiding emotions. You're just prohibiting
12:12
them from coming up, and they're going to show up in different ways, especially
12:16
physically. Those symptoms that I named, pay attention. If
12:19
you're somebody that struggles with migraines, if you struggle with GI issues,
12:23
back issues, pay attention when the onset takes place.
12:27
A lot of times when I'm working with people and they'll talk about these migraines or stomach
12:30
things, and I'm like, oh, sounds like when you were struggling
12:34
with X, Y, and Z is when it started. Then they start paying attention. The
12:37
next time the migraine comes, they're like, oh my gosh, this migraine
12:41
started because I was dealing with X, Y, and Z. So really be
12:44
mindful on your emotions and
12:48
the way you are feeling physically so you can
12:51
work on making a connection as to how these
12:55
things are leading one to the other. Resentment
12:59
and unresolved issues. So bottling up
13:02
emotions can lead to feelings of resentment towards others, unresolved conflicts
13:06
and unaddressed. Pay attention to the way that
13:09
you, cause you know, the thing about avoiding emotions, let's say I'm struggling with
13:13
my partner and how he has talked
13:17
to me. And I'm not telling him. He doesn't realize, like,
13:20
oh, he's saying it this way because that's the way it is in his culture. I'm
13:24
American. He's Haitian. So the way we grew up looks completely
13:27
different. So instead of me addressing it, I'm just like,
13:30
oh, I can't believe he's talking to me like that in my head. Now guess what my
13:34
mind's going to do? My mind's only going to show me ways that he's talking to me in
13:37
a certain way. And then I'm going to start struggling with him. And I'm not telling him
13:40
about it. So he's not changing his behavior. And I'm constantly being upset
13:44
by the way he's saying certain things. So being
13:48
mindful of what you're feeling because it's going to bring
13:51
up resentment and unresolved issues in your relationships. Difficulty
13:56
with intimacy, so emotional unavailability caused by avoiding
14:00
emotions can create barriers and meaningful connections
14:03
with others. So the more you suppress,
14:07
the less you are available for you. because
14:11
it's just, you're harboring all of these things, all of these emotions. And
14:15
the last thing is immune system dysfunction. Research suggests that
14:18
chronic emotional suppression can negatively
14:22
impact the immune system, making individuals more
14:26
likely to have kind of medical issues, right?
14:30
So is it worth, you can
14:33
answer this question, is it worth avoiding your emotions? When
14:38
you look at the consequences, I'm going to put this list up on the
14:41
screen again. When you look at the consequences of
14:44
avoiding emotions, the reality is that there's no
14:48
positive gain to avoiding it, right? All
14:52
things that are going to be hard for you down the road. Um,
14:56
now let's talk about techniques for recognizing emotions. Cause
15:00
you know, if you're somebody, if you listen to this and you're like, you know what, I don't want to
15:03
continue to avoid my emotions. Let me start
15:07
recognizing these emotions. Um, let me just
15:10
play this quick advertisement. And then the last thing we're going to talk about the techniques.
15:14
I hope you're enjoying the episode. Quick announcement. I
15:18
want to give you some ways you can support, right? I have two books. One
15:21
is called Relationship Goals. It's a guide to a healthy relationship. I
15:25
also have a guided journal. And if you find yourself stuck
15:29
in thoughts, want to get your thoughts on paper, I ask you different
15:32
questions. And I also ask you how you're feeling. I provide you
15:36
with the feelings chart. If you go to CelesteTherapist.com, you
15:40
could find 365 days of intentional living along
15:44
with relationship goals. Another way you can support me,
15:47
I have this wellness center that I'm so excited about
15:51
called Shifting the Way You Think Wellness Center. At my center,
15:54
I do not want finances to be a reason why people can't get
15:57
what they need. So if you wanna donate a class to someone, please
16:02
feel free to go to my website, stwyt.com, and
16:06
you can give a donation. The classes run between 15 and
16:12
$35. My goal is for everyone to be able
16:15
to access these services regardless of finances. So
16:19
if you can donate, please donate to your Girl Center. I
16:22
would be greatly appreciated. All right, y'all, let's get back
16:26
into this amazing episode. All
16:29
right, let's get into the techniques for recognizing your emotions.
16:33
Mindfulness practices, right? Encouraging you
16:37
to practice mindfulness and become more aware of your
16:41
emotional state. That's important. When
16:44
it comes to life, life is happening. When
16:47
it comes to the things we're exposed to, we don't have
16:51
a filtering method on social media or the news, or when people are
16:54
talking to us, they're just gonna talk, they're gonna say things. pay attention
16:58
to how you're feeling. Don't allow yourself to constantly find
17:01
yourself distracting. I used to party Thursday through Sunday faithfully
17:05
because those were the slower days. I was in school and working. And
17:08
so when I look back at my life, I recognize that part of
17:12
me doing all of this partying was because I was trying
17:15
to escape these hard emotions. Right now, I
17:19
embrace them not because I'm like, oh my God, this feels good, but no, I
17:22
don't want to deal with the consequences. This list
17:25
right here, I don't want to deal with the consequences of not allowing my
17:29
emotions to be expressed. So I no longer find myself avoiding
17:33
them. Journaling is another good technique that you can
17:36
use. I also have a guided journal called 365 Days
17:40
of Intentional Living, where I'm asking you a question and
17:43
ask you how you're feeling, right? There's a ton of journals, and
17:47
it's not even about purchasing, right? Because I'm always going to
17:50
be like, use what you have. So if you got a notebook and you got a pen, all
17:54
you got to do is take time to inventory your day,
17:58
right? If you don't want to write, if that's too much for you right
18:01
now, when you take a shower or a bath, reflect there. When
18:04
you are waking up in the morning, start to reflect, what do I have going on
18:08
today? When you're winding down at night, think about what am
18:11
I feeling, right? Start taking inventory of
18:15
what's going on so you can feel like you're more in control. The
18:18
worst thing that, you know, when I reflect on my
18:21
life and where I'm at now, I remember where it
18:24
just felt like life was happening to me that I didn't have any control and
18:29
I didn't have nobody to guide me through the process. It
18:33
was a hard way to live life, right? And I don't live
18:36
that way anymore, but I also have a passion to show
18:39
people a different way of living. Body awareness,
18:43
so the physical sensations that can come up, right?
18:47
Your body's going to give you signs you're not OK before you may
18:50
even realize it. I remember being in the ER at 14. I
18:54
remember I had on a corduroy jumper. I share the story a
18:57
lot on the podcast. I was hunched over, and nobody
19:02
asked me, like, oh, are you experiencing anything? How do you feel? They gave me muscle
19:05
relaxer. They couldn't figure out why. As I got older and
19:08
became more aware of like my body and how I was affected
19:12
I'm like, oh no when I'm struggling I feel like something just
19:15
hits my back all the pain goes radiating to my
19:18
back and my stomach right now Sometimes
19:23
I might be doing a lot and I'd be like, oh I need to slow down because my
19:26
back's starting to hurt So pay attention. It's not always just
19:29
the back. It could be um It could be sweating. It
19:33
could be migraines. It could be stomach issues, constipation, diarrhea,
19:38
all of these things. And because sometimes our parents grew
19:42
up, they're survivors. And they didn't
19:46
even have time to think about what their wellness looked like. So they definitely didn't
19:49
have the time to ask you how you're feeling, what are you feeling in your body. So
19:53
you learn to ignore those signs. Now that you're an adult, now
19:57
that you have awareness, it's up to you. to
20:00
make note of what you're feeling so you're no longer ignoring those signs. And
20:05
then just emotional check-ins. Check in with yourself. How
20:08
are you feeling? How did you sleep? When I don't have a good sleep,
20:13
I'll check in with myself. Sometimes it's because, guess what? I'm on Netflix freaking watching
20:17
these limited series that I love. I love the shows where you
20:20
don't really know what's going to happen next. I just love that. I hate when I
20:23
know what's going to happen next, or it feels so predictable. And
20:28
if I started late, And it's
20:31
hard for me to pause and wait for the next day. So
20:35
a lot of times I won't start it if it's late. So sometimes it's like, OK,
20:38
I didn't sleep well because I stayed up watching Netflix. Sometimes I
20:42
might be struggling with something that I need to do or haven't done. So
20:46
start taking emotional check-ins about yourself
20:49
and how you're feeling. When it comes to starting a
20:52
business, I said I would tie that in. When it comes to
20:56
starting a business, there's going to be a lot of fear that's going to come up, especially if
20:59
you weren't exposed to other business owners. I was never exposed to
21:02
other business owners. This is something that was placed in my
21:06
heart and my spirit, and I just kept following the
21:09
breadcrumbs. When I first started, I
21:12
just went on Instagram and started posting motivational
21:16
quotes because affirmations was something that was big to me and I wanted to
21:19
share it with the world. I had no money, no knowledge about no
21:23
private practice, nothing. From there, books was
21:26
created. From there, a podcast was created, right? The more I
21:30
acknowledge my emotion around it, because as I'm starting things,
21:34
there are a lot of emotions that come with it because it's so new to
21:37
me, I don't allow myself to not
21:41
do things because of the emotion. I check in with myself.
21:45
I remind myself on what my purpose is and why I'm doing it.
21:49
I tell myself that these emotions that I'm feeling are part of the process and
21:53
I keep it pushing. So I need you to work on
21:56
start acknowledging what's happening with you, how you're feeling and
22:00
giving yourself what you need. So I
22:03
really hope this was helpful. You know, being able to honor your
22:07
emotions is such a gift, right? Um, when
22:10
I'm working with people and they'll cry and I'm like, Oh my God, I'm so glad you're crying.
22:14
Not because I want you to be sad, especially for people that don't typically
22:18
embrace emotions or embrace how they feel. I'm like, this is going to allow
22:21
you to get to the place that you need to be. And so yes,
22:25
it may be hard to sit still and be in the moment with
22:28
your emotions, but little by little, give yourself time
22:32
to embrace a new lifestyle, because if you're human, you're going
22:35
to have emotions. So don't forget, if you love
22:39
this episode, share it with somebody that you love. Don't forget, follow me on all social
22:42
media platforms. Follow me on YouTube by searching Celeste Therapist. Don't
22:46
forget, we have a whole wellness center with events that are taking place on
22:49
a regular basis. So if you are in the South shore
22:53
area, we are located in Stoughton, Mass. Um, you can go
22:56
to my website to see the events that are coming up and that's S T W
22:59
Y T.com slash events. Um, and if you want to support me,
23:03
don't forget, I have books that you can purchase
23:07
or classes, or you can also donate to the center.
23:10
So until next time, beautiful people, I will talk