Latest / The Beauty Edit: Skincare, Makeup, Wellness & Confidence / Put The Phone Down: How To Keep Your Holiday Dinners Human & Present | The Beauty Edit
Transcript
- It’s the third time tonight you’ve checked your phone under the table, and suddenly the roast turkey looks like static on a screen. Let’s get real for a second: you’re not actually hungry for that notification. I want you to picture this scene with me. It is December. The house smells like cinnamon, roasted garlic, and maybe a little bit of burnt sage from that candle Aunt Linda lit in the hallway. You are sitting at the head of the table, or near it, surrounded by people who love you, even if they sometimes annoy you deeply. There is food. There is wine. There is laughter that starts loud and then settles into that comfortable, messy kind of quiet where you can hear the clink of silverware. And yet, your hand drifts to your pocket. Or worse, it’s already resting on the table next to your plate, face up. You feel that phantom buzz against your thigh. It didn’t happen. But your brain expects it. So you pick up the device. You unlock it. And for three minutes, the room disappears. The aunt talking about her hip surgery becomes background noise. Your nephew’s excited story about his school play gets cut off mid-sentence because you weren’t looking at him. You were looking at a push notification about a sale on winter coats. Let’s get real for a second. Why do we do this? We tell ourselves it’s just a quick check. Just seeing if there’s an emergency. Just making sure we didn’t miss a work email. But here is the truth that I learned after years of studying how our brains react to digital stimuli: it is never just one check. It is a cascade. You see one thing, which leads to another. A text thread spirals. An article catches your eye. Suddenly, twenty minutes have vanished. You look up, and everyone is looking at you. Not angrily, but with that slight tilt of the head that says, 'Are you still here?' That moment of disconnection is small, but it adds up. Over the course of a holiday dinner, those micro-moments of absence create a wall between you and the people right in front of you. You are physically present, but mentally, you are somewhere else. Somewhere safer, perhaps. Somewhere predictable. But not here. We live in a culture that praises multitasking as a superpower. We wear busyness like a badge of honor. If you can answer an email while stirring soup, while listening to your mother-in-law talk about her garden, while keeping an eye on the baby monitor, you are efficient. You are capable. You are winning. But science tells us something different. Our brains are not designed to process deep emotional connection and complex digital information simultaneously. They are two different channels. When you split your attention, you don’t actually do both tasks well. You switch back and forth so quickly that you lose the nuance of the conversation. You miss the subtle shift in tone when your cousin is trying to tell you something serious. You miss the joke your dad makes because you’re reading the comments on a viral video. Trust your skin, not the algorithm. That is my usual mantra when it comes to skincare routines, but it applies here too. Trust your intuition, not the urge to be plugged in. Your body knows when you are distracted. You might feel a low-level anxiety humming in your chest. You might feel like you’re missing out on what’s happening online. But you are missing out on what is happening in the room. And that is a trade-off that rarely feels worth it once you step away from the glow of the screen. Think about the last time you had a truly meaningful conversation. Did it happen while you were scrolling? Probably not. Meaningful moments require presence. They require eye contact. They require the willingness to be bored for a second, to let silence hang in the air, to listen without planning your response while the other person is still talking. Technology steals that space. It fills every gap with noise. So, how do we fix this? It’s easy to say, 'Just put it away.' But if it were that easy, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. The phone is right there. It’s a tether to the world outside. It feels risky to disconnect. What if something important happens? What if I’m rude? Here is the practical part. This is where we blend lab-coat logic with cozy living-room vibes. We need to create boundaries before the meal even starts. Don’t wait until dessert when you’re full and tired and tempted to scroll through memes to wind down. Set the boundary early. Try this: when you sit down, place your phone in the center of the table, face down. Or better yet, put it in your bag, in your coat pocket, or leave it in the car. Make it visible that you are choosing to be absent. If you have to keep it for emergencies, tell everyone. Say, 'Hey guys, I’m leaving my phone on the sideboard. If it rings, grab it. Otherwise, I’m taking a break.' This does two things. First, it removes the temptation. Friction is your friend. If you have to stand up to check your phone, you’re less likely to do it. Second, it signals to your family that you value their company more than your inbox. And here is the beautiful part: silence will happen. At first, it will feel awkward. You might fidget. You might stare at your plate. But within ten minutes, the conversation will deepen. People will share stories they usually keep hidden behind polite chatter. You’ll laugh harder. You’ll remember details about your relatives that you’ve forgotten over the years. You will reconnect with the version of yourself that doesn’t need constant validation from a likes counter. I want you to think about your parents, your siblings, your friends. What do they want from you during these holidays? Do they want your money? Maybe. Do they want your advice? Sometimes. But mostly, they want you. They want your eyes. They want your ears. They want to know that you are interested in their lives, even the boring parts. When you put the phone away, you give them the greatest gift you can offer in the modern age: your undivided attention. It is rare. It is precious. It is powerful. Imagine telling your grandmother about your week, and she is really listening. Not checking her watch, not looking at her phone, not thinking about what she’s going to say next. Just listening. How would that feel? For her? For you? This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being intentional. You might slip up. You might glance at your screen when someone mentions a news event. That’s okay. Gently bring your focus back. Notice the judgment in your mind—the voice that says you’re being rude or boring—and let it go. Replace it with curiosity. Ask a question. 'Tell me more about that.' 'How did that make you feel?' 'What happened next?' You will be surprised by how much richer the experience becomes. The food will taste better. The wine will flow easier. The memories you make will stick. Years from now, you won’t remember the tweet you saw at Thanksgiving. But you will remember the way your sister laughed when her uncle told that terrible joke. You will remember the warmth of the room. You will remember feeling connected. Glow from the inside out, literally. And by that, I mean true radiance comes from feeling seen and hearing others. It comes from being fully alive in the moment. That is the kind of beauty that no filter can capture. Here is my challenge to you for the upcoming holidays. One hour. Just one hour of the dinner, completely phone-free. No exceptions. Put it in airplane mode if you need to, but keep it out of sight. Watch what happens. Observe the dynamics of the room. Listen to the rhythm of the conversation. Feel your own body relax. If you find yourself reaching for it, pause. Breathe. Look around. Find something interesting to look at. A face. A detail on the tablecloth. The steam rising from the soup. Ground yourself in the physical world. It feels strange at first, like wearing glasses you haven’t used in years. But soon, it will feel natural. Liberating, even. We spend so much time curating our online lives, polishing our images, managing our digital personas. But the real life is happening right here, right now. In the messy, imperfect, beautiful reality of shared meals and shared histories. Don’t let the algorithm steal your joy. Don’t let the ping of a notification drown out the voice of someone you love. Take back your attention. It is your most valuable resource. Spend it wisely. Spend it with care. Spend it on the people who are sitting across from you. Because when the plates are cleared and the lights go down, you won’t wish you had checked more emails. You’ll wish you had stayed longer in that moment of connection. Let’s get real for a second. You deserve to be present. Your family deserves to be seen. And the world needs more people who know how to listen. So take a breath. Put the phone down. And begin. Thank you for letting me into your day. I’m Ashlee Nunez, and I’ll see you in the next edit. Until then, trust your skin, trust your time, and trust yourself. Bye for now.