Latest / The Letterbox Podcast / A Letter to the Mothers I Met Along the Way | The Conversations So Many Parents With They Could Have

Transcript

A Letter to the Mothers I Met Along the Way | The Conversations So Many Parents With They Could Have · The Letterbox Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome back to the Letterbox Podcast.
• 0:02
  I'm Lucy. And this is the place where real
• 0:04
  people share the real letters that they've written about the
• 0:07
  things that mean the most to them.
• 0:12
  Today's letter comes from Catherine.
• 0:15
  She regularly shares content online about some of the things
• 0:18
  that we often find too difficult to talk about or perhaps feel we
• 0:23
  can't be honest about when it comes to parenting.
• 0:27
  The letter that she's written today is inspired by a few of
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  the many women that she has met over the last few years since
• 0:33
  becoming a mother. Most of them have remained
• 0:36
  strangers, but she was struck by how the same overwhelming
• 0:40
  feeling comes over her every time she starts one of these
• 0:43
  conversations. It's a letter which at the heart
• 0:47
  of it is about parents desire to connect and belong during a time
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  when our identity is reforming. Catherine has chosen to read the
• 0:56
  letters herself. So before I press play, I just
• 0:59
  want to say thank you so much for being here.
• 1:01
  If you can also press the follow or subscribe button wherever it
• 1:05
  is that you are listening today. It does so much to support the
• 1:08
  podcast and send these letters all across the world to so many
• 1:12
  other people. But here they are, Catherine's
• 1:16
  letters to the mothers she connected with.
• 1:23
  A letter to the mother I met on the bus to the mother I met on
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  the bus. I've been thinking about all the
• 1:30
  things I didn't ask you. Our babies were roughly the same
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  age, so we started a conversation about the bits that
• 1:36
  felt OK to talk about in the 10 minutes we knew each other.
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  We swapped stories about teeth, Calpol, the mess, the noise.
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  We danced around the subject of sleep, both knowing whatever we
• 1:47
  said might somehow be the wrong thing.
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  I think we were probably scanning each other too, looking
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  for how tired the other one seemed, how close to the surface
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  our emotions might be. But there were other things I
• 2:01
  wanted to ask you. 10 minutes wasn't enough to the mother I
• 2:08
  met at soft play while our babies crawled and flopped and
• 2:12
  rolled around us, we somehow got a little bit further.
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  You told me you were going back to work soon.
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  We started with the practical bits.
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  When are you going back? How many days?
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  What do you do? Which nursery?
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  And then somewhere in between, one of us admitted that we were
• 2:28
  actually quite excited about it and the other one admitted it
• 2:31
  too. We disguised it by saying we
• 2:34
  were looking forward to some adult company.
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  But actually, I think we were both trying to admit that we
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  wanted a day where our sense of fulfilment wasn't entirely
• 2:43
  wrapped up in this tiny person. A day where we could do
• 2:47
  something, finish it, feel like we'd achieved something being
• 2:51
  fully separate from someone else, and then come home.
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  For a moment it felt like we'd opened something up and then one
• 3:00
  of our babies needed us and we went back to doing what we've
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  been doing 5 minutes before. I don't think I even found out
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  your name. To the mother quietly circling
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  the park with a screaming newborn.
• 3:15
  We didn't speak at all. I tried to catch your eye, just
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  for a second. I wanted to give you some kind
• 3:21
  of look that said I've been there.
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  I know I could see that this probably wasn't your first lap.
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  You kept circling and circling, trying to settle a baby who
• 3:30
  wasn't settling, desperately hoping for a moment to breathe.
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  I don't know what was actually going through your head.
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  Maybe you were fine. Maybe you really, really
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  weren't. Part of me felt guilty for just
• 3:42
  watching from afar, but I didn't want to interfere either.
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  You looked like you were holding it together so tightly that I
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  wondered if someone asking how you doing might tip the whole
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  thing upside down. So I just tried to catch your
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  eye. To all the mothers I've met at
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  groups, at cafes and playgrounds and on buses.
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  Some of us talked about nothing. Some of us got surprisingly far.
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  Sometimes there was a moment where I thought we could say
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  something more honest, and then one of us pulled back, or the
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  baby cried, or the bus arrived. Before becoming a mother, I
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  don't think I realised how much could pass between two people
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  who barely know each other. A look or a story that says me
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  too. In one way or another, we all
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  now belong to this strange new shared world, and there's
• 4:37
  something beautifully connecting about that.
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  But it takes time to feel brave enough and safe enough to start
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  saying what we actually think about it.
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  And then we pick up our bags, our babies, our half drunk
• 4:48
  coffees and carry on with our day.
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  Most of us will never see each other again.
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  Every now and again, one of those tiny conversations makes
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  something you've been carrying feel a little less like yours
• 5:00
  alone. Thank you so much for those
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  letters, Catherine. What I really love is that each
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  one was so brief, and that really does represent exactly
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  what it is like sometimes being a mother and only getting those
• 5:20
  fleeting conversations. And so often in just such a
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  short amount of time, you find this connection and then all the
• 5:27
  chaos of parenting takes over and they're gone.
• 5:30
  But those conversations, they really do stay with you
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  sometimes. So thank you so, so much for
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  sharing that with us today. I know there were going to be so
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  many people listening, including myself, who really can connect
• 5:44
  with what you have just shared. You can find more of Catherine's
• 5:50
  thoughts on her social media page, The Shift Parenting, which
• 5:53
  I will link in the show description.
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  So please do go and check it out.
• 6:00
  Thank you again so much for all of you listening today.
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  The fact that you are here and you keep coming back, I will
• 6:07
  never take that for granted. If you have something you want
• 6:11
  to share as well, Please remember you too can have your
• 6:14
  letter featured on the podcast, send me an e-mail or find me on
• 6:18
  Instagram. I cannot wait to chat with you
• 6:21
  too. Until next time, sending you all
• 6:26
  my love, Lucy.