Latest / Jess Ask / Learning to Embrace God's Grace | FT Jayla Groom | EP94

Transcript

Learning to Embrace God's Grace | FT Jayla Groom | EP94 · Jess Ask

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl, Jessica and Smith, and you already
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress, have.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Fun and just ask God for another Do you already
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: know what it is?
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: And then you know it's about to get real to
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: be sure to show your girl the love and like,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: how many subscribe God.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: For another day?
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: Hey, hey, I know we could be another way.
• 0:38
  Speaker 4: When I started when Miss d had called me last year,
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: she called me twenty twenty three, at the end of
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: twenty twenty three, tell me she had dreaming about me.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: She said, I've been looking for you. I can't even
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: remember your last name.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: But I had deleted my Facebook page and so when
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: I reactivated or whatever, and we started walking doing the
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: life again or whatever, and I'd already been seeing your
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: podcast or whatever, and I said, Lord, I want to
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: go on there and tell my story. And I'm just like,
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: now it ain't gonna happen. Why, because God, please don't
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: ever trust me like that again? Wow?
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Because they required too much.
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So when you asked me last night, I'm like,
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: what made you say that? Because because honestly, after I
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: thought that it wasn't a desire anymore to do it,
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: Like I could just watch your podcasts and share it
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: and I'm cool. I didn't even want no podcast myself really,
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: but like when you asked me that last time, I'm
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: just like, it was so out the blue.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Well that's how that's how proper, this is how I operate.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: Like.
• 1:52
  Speaker 5: This is what's interesting is I did Tiffany the same way.
• 1:57
  Speaker 5: And it was interesting because her her schedule has.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Been booked every weekend.
• 2:04
  Speaker 5: It was last year every weekend, and then all of
• 2:07
  Speaker 5: a sudden, I was like, that's where it was like,
• 2:09
  Speaker 5: who were going to ask to the last minute to
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: feel the spot? And the Lord told me Tiffany, and
• 2:14
  Speaker 5: I was like, I need confirmation on that because I
• 2:15
  Speaker 5: just need to know I'm not doing this for clout.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 2:19
  Speaker 5: She popped up on my feed. He gave me the
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: I think she text me or something wrote me. I said,
• 2:25
  Speaker 5: this is my goal right here. And now she has
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: her own podcast at BG TV Studios, and it all
• 2:31
  Speaker 5: makes it all makes sense. It's even deeper for her
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: because her family. She got somebody here that know her mama,
• 2:38
  Speaker 5: and her mama passed away her you know her and
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: mama had a developing relationship.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: So you you told the Lord you gave God a yes.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: That was a you giving God a yes. I was
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: just saying it though I ain't know he was gonna
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: really do it. You open, that's the way thought. Do
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: you put me on to call at the conference? Get
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: in the mic. I'm out he had lost it you
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: at the stage. I missed that? Did I miss that?
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: It was right after she had laid the laid me
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: up child. I think she laid all of us out.
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: She laid every last one.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Of us out. But y'all, you have entered what did
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: y'all enter? The safe space for influences.
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: To decompress, have fun and just as if I'm super excited,
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: y'all already we already into the conversation. But before I
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: get to my my my seat over here, des al ray, Hey,
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: that's all right, that's all right, y'all.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Doing something.
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: I listen, do you let me lose? I'mna figure something.
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: Not now, Yeah, I'm gonna figure out.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: Tell them both. How you doing? I'm good.
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: I'm I think I think the word for me in
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: this season is just I'm just grateful, you know, as
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: I just you know, it's it's we're kind of still
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: in the top of the year.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: Everybody got these you know what they call it, revolutions
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: and things and goals and X, Y and Z, and
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: I've just been in a very reflective, a very reflective
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: time as I just really look back over these last
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: it seems like forever but maybe two years of you know,
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: saying yes to God, going through the process. And for
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: some reason this year I didn't go into it like fearful, like, hold, Lord,
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  Speaker 4: what we about to do this year? It was it's
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  Speaker 4: almost kind of like, you know what, Lord, I'm ready,
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  Speaker 4: but whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever spaces you've already created for me.
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  Speaker 4: I've been doing the work like he literally, been going
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  Speaker 4: in there and thinking stuff out of my heart to
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  Speaker 4: prepare me for those spaces.
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  Speaker 2: And so the next step is just to walk in it.
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  Speaker 2: So I mean about it, walk it out, walk it out.
• 4:59
  Speaker 5: Hey, y'all see how there's a raby trying to like
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: color color coordinate with me? Lately it was it was
• 5:07
  Speaker 5: it was I think it was last month where she
• 5:09
  Speaker 5: had the fatigue. We came in and she was looking
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: just like me whatever. I don't know what the Lord
• 5:14
  Speaker 5: I don't know what the Lord is doing, but I
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: know she's been praying, like, Okay, let.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: Me and just match that is that is because I'm
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: just like.
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  Speaker 4: That is so not true. I just you know, I
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: think you'd be watching me when I be get my
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: stuff out like you be and my like people in
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: the window or something else.
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: Like I have to come an hour and a half
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: away to the studio and to do this, so I'm
• 5:39
  Speaker 5: not prepacked my bag, so you be like, Lord, what
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: just that is just the funny thing is though, like
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: I've literally gotten a part of the process is literally
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: just leaning into God more like when they say seek
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: first the Kingdom God, Like I'm literally taking that daily
• 5:55
  Speaker 5: literally like because because before you know, when you're just
• 5:59
  Speaker 5: so used to be you know, the uh, the person
• 6:03
  Speaker 5: that makes all the decisions in your life. God, if
• 6:06
  Speaker 5: I'm an honest guy, was the copilot, right, so I
• 6:09
  Speaker 5: would do things. I'm like, yeah, God blessed this.
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: So now I'm like, okay, let's be we were wearing
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: today what we're doing today, Like I'm submitting like my
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: day to you.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: What does that look like?
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: And so when he leave me to do something, I'm
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: just gonna do it, like I said, you know, she
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: matched this be coordinating with the Woman to God today.
• 6:27
  Speaker 5: This this color fun thing. So this this is from
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: the Naturally Devoted collection, right. And when Pastor Sarah Roberts
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: Jake's Jakes Roberts came down to Birmingham, it was it's
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: been a minute.
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: I had just like I had shirts and knees. You
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: you remember, I had shirts and these and I had
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: sweat shirts and I wore a shirt with a skirt
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: and I thought I was bad. I got my makeup
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: done and everything today and I had the VIP and
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: so we was in the line and when I got
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: got to her, the first thing she.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: Was like, I like your shirt. I was like, thank you,
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna get you one. Never got it. I'm so sorry,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: never gave it to the Woman of God. So sorry,
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: so sorry. But shout out to Pastor Sarah JS Roberts.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: I make her the community high.
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: Like today, I was finna say somebody else, but there's
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: a reason why I was starting to I pray that.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I know you're in school.
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: I'm also in school, and I just want to let
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: you know that you definitely had been a motivational, a
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: mental motivation for me because I was saying, man, I
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: got so much going on, Lord, But just knowing that
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: when you announced that Woman evolved twenty twenty four, that
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: you were in school and you was trying to balance
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: that and still being the great embody, the greatness that
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: you are, it was just so inspiring for me. And
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: seeing certain posts. So I've been down with you for
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: a minute. I appreciate you. I just pray God's just
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: covering over you, over your mind, over your heart, even
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: dealing with the transition of leadership and going going through
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: places where you at one point didn't see yourself.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Just thank you.
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  Speaker 5: Thank you for for your yes to God. Thank you
• 8:10
  Speaker 5: for your yes not only to God, but I hear
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  Speaker 5: the Lord say to yourself. At one point you were
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: telling yourself no. But I just believe that when you
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: really got into it with with God and God, really
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  Speaker 5: in the nitty gritty with God and you open yourself
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  Speaker 5: to your yes to him, he allows you to say
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  Speaker 5: yes to yourself. And so I'm just so grateful that
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: you did. And God is just doing exceeding and buddily
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  Speaker 5: above all that he can that you can ask or think.
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  Speaker 5: And so we love you over here. Sarah James Roberts,
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: Sarah Jame's Roberts.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: We can't wait to have you on. Okay, so y'all
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: get it up for the past. Look it was twenty
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  Speaker 2: one savage. Last time we got somebody you knew who
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Sarah Jays Robbers. I did.
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: I went back, but I would be could watch that?
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: So you was like you whatever the song was? He's like, no,
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: you know who Daddy one is?
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: I said no. I was like, you know how, she
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: didn't even know. But let's go ahead and get to it.
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: Because I think this is this is gonna be a
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: great conversation today because I have I'm gonna call on
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  Speaker 5: my little sister. I'm gona call my I just feel
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: that she deserves that because me and Desil Ray Feller,
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: we're gonna do this strong on her.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: She don't know. But but this young lady, I'm really excited.
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: I've known her for a while, no of her, but
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: now I'm getting to know her personally, and what I've
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: found and understood about her has been just so so good.
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: But before before I introduced her, I got a preference this.
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: She has a podcast. She's a co host of two
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: friends and one guy. Two friends, one God not in
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: two friends, one guy, and it just confirmed to me
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: what I was hearing the Lord say about this particular episode.
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: Some of us don't really understand what just ask is.
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: They were like, oh, joll Justica, just have a poject,
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: just gonna have a podcast. No, it's a play on
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: word on just ask, right. People think that it's connected
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: to seeking. You shall find knocked in the doors, shall
• 10:10
  Speaker 5: be all going to ask, and you shall receive. I
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: know I said that backwards, but you get you get
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: what I'm going with this. It's not just that, but
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: the LAWD is revealed has revealed to me on several
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: occasions that this is a safe space for influencers to testify.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: And about what they've been through.
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: But even where they are, and we have to have
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: safe spaces in the community to where we can release
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: that so we can know that even though we haven't
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: overcome it, that there's gonna be our portion right.
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: And so there's a scripture Revelation twelve and eleven, and
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: it talks revelation.
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: Is like a book of dreams, prop prophetic words or
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: whatever about what's to come. And and I didn't realize
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: that this scripture was in revelation for the longest, like
• 10:58
  Speaker 5: it was a long time I didn't realize scriptures in revelation.
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: But then the Lord prompted me this week to go
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: back and read the twelfth chapter, and it's in full
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: and basically what's going on is a is a war.
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: It's literally a war between you know, when the enemy
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: tried to take over heaven, the Lord cast him down
• 11:16
  Speaker 5: to the earth, and now he's around this world, right,
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: and we're fighting spiritually. And so in the verse eleven,
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: it says, well, in the in the scriptures, let me
• 11:30
  Speaker 5: start attend. It says, then then then I heard a
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: loud voice in heaven say, the salvation and the power
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: of the Kingdom of our God and the authority of
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: His of this Christ have now come because the accuser
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: God day and night, has been thrown down verse eleven.
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: They conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: by the word of their testimony, for they did not
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: love their lives to the point of death. This is
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: basically like when we talk about overcoming by the by
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: the by the testimony.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: This is the scripture that it comes from.
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: So I really wanted to make this clear, and it's
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: really special that the Lord wanted me to make this
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: clear prior to me even knowing that my good sister
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: was coming today. And I asked, I really asked the Lord, like,
• 12:22
  Speaker 5: what do you want to do here?
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: He's like, this is what this is. This is what
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: just asks is all about. So if anybody asks you, okay,
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: what they do over just ask they overcoming. They overcoming
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: by by the word of their testimony and the blood
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: of the Lamb. That's what they That's what we're doing
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: over here.
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: So it might not make sense to you, it might
• 12:40
  Speaker 5: not be consistent, Brad, it might not be consistent to you,
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: but we do what the Lord says do because we
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: overcome by the word of the testimony. And so I
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: want to introduce I already told you that she has
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: a podcast. I want you all to please go over there.
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: Please go over there, trudress and love because she she's
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: a menace. Are also she got the work in her belly.
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: She is on fire for God. But she has a
• 13:04
  Speaker 5: powerful story and we're gonna get into it today. So
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: I would like to introduce to some and present to
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: others my little sister my friend.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: My girl Jay love crawl bad. Listen, how you feeling
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: this is? I am feeling nervous, but I feel hopeful, hopeful.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: It's okay.
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: We're safe around here and you're in a safe space,
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: and so I really feel like this is your permission
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: to tell them.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Did they Did they get that? She what she said?
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: Asks the Lord earlier? I can't remember you started recording. Yeah, okay,
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: So let's let's get into that. You ask God to
• 13:55
  Speaker 5: be here and God presented at the time, Like it
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: shows where when we ask God for something, it's like
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: we don't know we're gonna ever be ready for it.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh God, I forgot to ask you about this. Yeah,
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: he hit you hard.
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna tell you. I randomly came to her last night.
• 14:10
  Speaker 5: We were sitting by each other last night and I
• 14:12
  Speaker 5: looked at her and said, you want to record tomorrow?
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: And she said who me? I said yeah, And I
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: looked at that as a race.
• 14:21
  Speaker 5: But I really think that the Lord is gonna utilize
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: this time not to only free you, but free others. Right,
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: So let's walk down line.
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: Where is Jaala from? How we how we get to
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: from A to Z on Jaila, where you from? Sis?
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: He was Town, Alabama, Hee towne Town, that's outside of Birmingham.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and what what was your what was your child like?
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Childhood like?
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: You got a big family? Yes, yes, yes, yes, you
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: you got a big family. Let's talk about your family Downay. So,
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: my grandmother and grandfather have four girls, which is my
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: mom and her sisters, and between them, I think it's
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: fifteen grandkids.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: So yeah, fifteen grandkids.
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: And then I don't even know how many great great
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: grands it is right now, but it's a lot of us.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: And we all grew up in the same house. And
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: he was having fifteen of y'all. Yeah, yeah, I know,
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: not the youngest too, because they weren't born yet.
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but so thirteen of us. Yes, on Love Street,
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: one thousand and one Love Street. He was down Alabama. Yes,
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: it was a three bedroom house. Well thirteen yes, yes, yes,
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: she said yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, that's
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: the way to start the conversation. Yes. So, And it's
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: so cra man, it's so crazy because literally the name
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: of our street was Love Street.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: And we didn't have a lot.
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: We did not have a lot, but we had love
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: between each other. We we we had a family, a
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: big family, and there was love. Our she was she's
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: my nanny, but well that's what I called my nanny,
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: but that's my grandmother. She is the epitome of love
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: and she has raised us.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: And we literally we didn't have anything else. We had
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: each other.
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: We used to be trying to like if she would
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: lock the door and by the time we get out
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: of school, but she wasn't home yet. We would take
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: credit cards, thinking through the door, slide the bathroom window open,
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: put me through it, or put my cousin through it. Yeah, yes, yes,
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: so okay, so you so your mom, so it goes
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: your grandparents and it's your mom's paturn, Well yeah, my
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: mom's mother, your mom's mother.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so was your mom in the house.
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: Too, so yes and no, so really and truly our parents,
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: like me and my cousin's parents, they would stay other places,
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: but we would stay with my grandmother because we were
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: going to he would town. So most of the time,
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: like we'll go to school, they either drop us off
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: there that morning or like we would just spend the night.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: But all the time we were staying there.
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: So did you have a relationship with your parents growing up.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Okay, so that's an interesting that's interesting thing.
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: A lot of a lot of your grandmas ain't gonna
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: do that now, grandma like.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Their grandma's be outside is a new thing. Yeah yeah, yeah, okay,
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: so that's that's interesting. I did not know that, and so.
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: So you. I would assume that you grew up with
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: a little confidence because you had at least that love.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: Would would you say that? Or was that? Is that
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: a wrong assumption?
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: You have, wrong assumption. It wasn't a lot of confidence. Yeah,
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: it wasn't a lot I had. So my girl cousins
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: and even my sister, they're a little bit older than me.
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: So I grew up the closest one to age is
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: a boy. So like it's kind of like I wasn't boyish,
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: but I wasn't really girly girl, so I didn't really they.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: Were too old. I was too young to hang out
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: with them.
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: So no, I didn't really have a lot. Now I
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: look bad.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: I didn't have a lot of confidence, and I wasn't
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: Everyone else in my family had a talent. So my
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: brothers were playing basketball or football. My cousins they could
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: either do hair, they could dance, they were playing sports too.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: All of them had something. My sister was a major
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: at and I didn't have. I felt like I didn't
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: have anything.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: So how did that impact you in your development?
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: I just always thought like kind of like what's wrong
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: with me? Like what's inside of me? What do I
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: have to offer?
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: And what's so crazy?
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: Is even from a young girl, I knew that I
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: probably was going to be an entrepreneur because I'm like nothing,
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: nothing like sports wise or like even I hate to say,
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to do better now.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: I used to like hate school and hate to read. Yeah,
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: so I feel like, what what is it? What am
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: I going to do? Honestly? So yeah, like.
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: I was just out here trying to figure it out
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: from a young age. Yeah, that's that's good. I can
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: I can relate to the whole.
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: I just knew that I did not want to be
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: in a box like some I remember there was an
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: article that I wish I could find this article. I
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: was in elementary school and they asked me what did
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: I want to be when I grew up? And the
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: one girl told tried to answer for me, and I
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: told I can't even remember the answer I gave. I
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: think she said that she was trying to say I
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: was gonna be a teacher, and I said, ain't gonna
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: be no teacher. Don't know what she was talking about,
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: and I forgot the answer that I gave. I don't
• 19:56
  Speaker 5: think I am any of what I thought I was
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: gonna be because I couldn't you. It was no language
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: for podcasting and being a creative what they call them
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: now creative content.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: My god, a content creator. That was not a lane.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: So I think that even what you're bringing.
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: That up, because because the idea of schooling is to
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: groom yourself into what you wanted to be in the future,
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: and if you didn't know what you wanted to be,
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: it's like, do.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: I have a future? Hella? I do I have a future?
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: What do I connect to if I don't know?
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: And so now that leads to me to a path
• 20:34
  Speaker 5: of interruptions and my confidence because I have not been
• 20:39
  Speaker 5: attacking this goal.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: It's like everybody else does. So let's get into it.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: So I want to know.
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: I want to know about how you end up developing
• 20:49
  Speaker 5: this relationship with God because you're young, you twenty six,
• 20:53
  Speaker 5: My god, she looks she's cute. She cute, So you're
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: only twenty seas. But you so mature for where you are.
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: So let's let's talk about this. So what did how
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: where did you find God? Was it within the within
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: your family? Were you always going to church? Like where
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: did you find him at?
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Yes? We were always going to church. My Auntie would
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: call a church band, baby. We was getting on it
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: not the hotline. Yeah, we were.
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: We were going to church. But I really did not
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: find God there. Like I got baptized, gave my life,
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: but I didn't know him. It wasn't until I was
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: in high school and I met a guy and we
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: started dating in his family started taking me to church,
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: and at that church, it's where I found God, started
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: really experiencing him for myself, and then everything else happened
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: from them, everything else.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: Happened for them.
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: So when you say I started experiencing Him for myself,
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: what does that mean?
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: I started finding my voice when I was younger.
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: My teachers would always say they talking to your inside voice,
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: and I was always in my eyes talking in my
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: inside voice. Yeah, but they will say I was so loud,
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: and I didn't understand that. So for a long time
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: it was just like I'm not gonna say anything because
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: when I talk, it's too loud. But when I started
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: going to that church and I'm listening and hearing what
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: you know, they're saying about about God and all the
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: all of the things, then I started thinking, Okay, well
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: maybe I do need to say something. Maybe I need
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: to start praying, maybe I need to do this. And
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: when I started doing those things, it was like.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: This is where you're supposed to be. Like I can
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: get on the stage and command a ruin, pray heaven down.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Like my voice is not too loud. It needs to
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: be loud for this. And so that's why I like
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: really just started knowing my.
• 23:01
  Speaker 5: Man, you just said something like I didn't realize that
• 23:04
  Speaker 5: we got a little bit more in coming. Folks always
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: talk about my boys.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: I'm loud. I'm just naturally loud. I'm gonna be loud.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: This is probably quiet I'm gonna be but.
• 23:15
  Speaker 5: Like I would, especially in high school, be like the
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: loud came with the authoriti tative measure, and so people.
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: Will be like, oh, you think you think you my mama,
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: and you not my mama, and you think you're killed
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: the mama.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: People.
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: People despised me because of what I would do with
• 23:33
  Speaker 5: my sister. Wow, like how I'd be like, you know, now,
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: was I was I grown for my age or whatever?
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know I get that.
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: However, in my mind I was protecting my sister because
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: it was just me, my sister, and my daddy.
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: That's all we had. So who gonna look out for who?
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: It's my responsib with my daddy told me that this
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: was my responsibility. I'm taking this seriously. So you mad
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: at me because I'm doing something that my daddy told
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: me to do. You know what I'm saying, And so
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: you loud and you did, you always got to you always.
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, child, So it really I fight that
• 24:08
  Speaker 5: even now, just because just because it was fought against
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: y'all realized that I would be on a platform, just
• 24:19
  Speaker 5: like like how you got your podcast, It started redeveloping
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: my voice. So that's it's it's it's so good that
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: you said that. So you said that, you you you
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: went to this thank shout out to the x that
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: got you to the shout out to the XO. Okay,
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: so let's get back into it. So I'm really curious.
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: It's okay, you build this relationship with God, but where
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: this minised? How did we meet ministry because we became
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: you know, we was doing something and I was seeing
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: you and then something happened. But we're going to get
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: to how we got to that point of ministry and
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: what that meant for you at that time.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: So I went to u A, graduated from university.
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: Let's way hold up, let's let's make that make that
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: statement because somebody is confused in their head. You know,
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: they they was rooting for somebody else, but they went
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: to the University of Alabama.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: We're not gonna talk about the mother folks.
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: I'm not double minded anymore.
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: Not thank the Lord, that's delivery from a tiger.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: But yeah, So I went to the University of Alabama.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: I think it was my freshman year. It was my
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: freshman year.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: What prompted it, though, was the summer before I started college,
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: one of my classmates passed away.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: And I had never experienced anything like that. It really, oh,
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what it did to me.
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: Like when I look back on it, it put me
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: in a very very bad place because I just didn't
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: understand why, like, like, how would that happen? We have
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: so much life to live and I just couldn't wrap
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: my head around that. So when I went to college,
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: I started really.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: M hmm.
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: I was scared to be there, and so I didn't
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: branch all out and like do things that normal college
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: students do.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: I used to be in my dorm, just in there, eating.
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: The fresh fifteen he's real, Yeah, So I was just
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: in there. At one point I started watching Sarah Jakes Roberts.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: Wow, the Holy Spirit is real.
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: I started watching her, and so much of who she
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: was was just so inspiring to me. And I used
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: to just go to class literally come back, turn on
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: the message. And then it got to a point where like, okay,
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: I need.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: To try to learn it from myself. So I started
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: reading the word.
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: But after I started watching her, I started watching other
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: pastors and I watched I never forget.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: I watched what is his name.
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: John Gray, John Gray, Yeah, John Gray. I watched a
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: message that he preached and it was in First Samuel.
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: It was he the first Samuel, sakey Samuel, but it
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: was about David. When the king came to Annoy the
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: next the next king and Jesse brought all the sons
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: in the house and he poured the oil on everyone.
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: Because the Bible says all of them were handsome. They
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: were qualified externally to be the king. And he once
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: he pulled, none of the oil came out, and so
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: he said, no, do you have another son?
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: And he was like, David, he in the field, turning
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: to the sheep. You can't be talking about him. Yeah, basically,
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: go and get him.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: So when he went and got the old pour it
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: out on David. And in that moment, I think his
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: name was so, what's his name? I can't think of
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: the man name. He said, you are the one, Samuel. Samuel, Yeah, yeah,
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: he told him you.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: Are the one. And in that moment it was just
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: like it was like really, like God had said.
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: It to me.
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:26
  Speaker 5: That's the power of the word though, because it will
• 28:28
  Speaker 5: pierce you what you need to know, like it will.
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: The word is so powerful. We just be reading like
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: it was just reading, and then something something clicked, like
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: why did that? Why did just just touch me like
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: it did? Because your heart was yearning for something. And
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: then your heart was like, well I don't feel connected.
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: But I was like, now you're connected. You just out
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: in the field. Yeah, almost spoken tongues in there, so.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: You know you connected.
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: You're just out working You're just out doing what I
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: need you to do.
• 28:56
  Speaker 5: You're not You're not worried about fixing your hair right now,
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: You're not worry about partying.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: You not.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: I got you in the field.
• 29:03
  Speaker 5: Somebody's coming to look for you. Yeah, I feel God
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: on this. You are out in the field and somebody
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: is looking for you. Somebody's these people are going to
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: show up at your dose step. You're like, how did
• 29:15
  Speaker 5: you find me?
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: The mos sent me? My God, My God, my God. Okay,
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: let me let me. You just got me excited.
• 29:24
  Speaker 5: But I do remember that in that same time period
• 29:27
  Speaker 5: because I remember he had a book that was coming
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: out talking about the number eight because I think that
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: David was the eighth child.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: So I remember that.
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: So I so you go from there and then you
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: just accept him privately, privately as far as in ministry
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: or Yeah.
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: So I'd already accepted God, but in that moment, it
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: was just like God, what are you telling me?
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Like what do you mean I'm the one? Like what
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: am I getting from this? Like I don't understand.
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: So I started just reading more, listening to more sermons
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: and things like that, and then one day I just
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: went to church and I told my pastor, I said,
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: I feel like God.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Is calling me, but I don't know what that means,
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: Like I don't I don't know what that looks like.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: I kid you not. They was all on board. Now,
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: this is a church that we saw when you was
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: actively where. This is where you were ordained at. Yes,
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: now do you still have is this still?
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: No?
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: This is not your church, no one, no, because your
• 30:28
  Speaker 5: current church is our best friends, the.
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: Big, the baddest, we love you on We're here just okay,
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: but no. But at the time you were at.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, you can say. You can say I don't know,
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Yeah, where is it praise? Okay? So
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: there the they developed you. I remember you were like
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: doing a lot of prayers.
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: So what was going on in your mind, like as
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: far as you growing and developing at such a young age,
• 31:03
  Speaker 5: was going on in your mind?
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah? I was just I think I had so much zeal.
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: I was so excited because it's just like I never
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: had anything to be like, oh, this is this is
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: for me, Like how my cousins can do hair, how
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: my brothers can play sports, and I've never had anything.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: So I'm just like when I got in ministry in it.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not lie.
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: It flowed so easily when they started training me and
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: telling me, jeal, let's leave prayer today, open up the service.
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: It was just It's like I opened up my mouth
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: and it was just flowing. And so I was just like,
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: this is mine, Like that's my that's my thought. And
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: that's probably why I went wrong thinking this is mine
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: and I need to do everything I can to.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: Protect it and.
• 31:53
  Speaker 5: Hold it here because you never had something. Yeah, yes,
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: that's powerful within itself. And that's the thing about what
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: the enemy. The enemy news knows our gifts is we
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: like he knows, but he also knows where he can play.
• 32:07
  Speaker 5: Was like, oh, okay, she ain't never had nothing for
• 32:08
  Speaker 5: or she ain't never felt like she had anything before.
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: So now I'm now that she's gotten something, which is
• 32:13
  Speaker 5: the real thing. I'm gonna play with her about. Yeah,
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna play with about her her garden of eating. Yep,
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: I'm about to play with her about her gardener eating
• 32:25
  Speaker 5: well and manipulate this moment. And so you had that
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: moment you went ghosts like you shut everything down. So
• 32:36
  Speaker 5: you go from being on this high right being like,
• 32:39
  Speaker 5: oh I found myself. I found myself.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: This is mine.
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: This. I can read the word and I can declare it,
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: and I can pray and I can you know, release,
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: I can prophacy, I can do all these things and
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: then you leave tell us about that. So, like I said,
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: I was really on the high, just good I should
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: looking back, I know, oh was God. But it's just
• 33:01
  Speaker 4: like I be thinking like I shouldn't have even been
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: in that place. The fact that God trusted me with
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: that at such a young age. It was like, yeah, wow,
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: I was like eighteen, nineteen twenty. So when I think
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: about it, literally, hosting conference is Jessica. I got invited
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: to speak at the Alabama Church of God Prayer Conference.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: What So I'm doing all of these things and at
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: some point it became like this is all I am
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: because like, what's what am I doing outside of this?
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: I didn't have anything outside of it. So I met
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: this guy. Girl did I thought all week? So weak
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: in the knees? Harley s?
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I met this guy. And it's
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: like I said, I didn't have anything to call my own.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: Until I met him and he was calling me his
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: listen and I felt like, yeah.
• 34:21
  Speaker 5: Now was this your first relationship or like boyfriend, no,
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: because the boy from high school high school love.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: But no, it went high school love. Oh. He was
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: just no, no, no, he was really a part.
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: And even I don't even like calling him my axe
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: because like we are friends to this day, like locking
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: in but not like in relationship wise, but like the
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: role that we played in each other lives is very important.
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: Like his family, they're my family. Like yeah, so this
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: guy here though, he was just showing me up a
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: lot of attention. He was. It's I guess he was
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: just very intrigued with anointing and I thought he was
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: intrigued with Jaylo.
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: You gotta you gotta pause right there, because you just
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: said something. You just you just said something because being
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: the person with the anointing and people are intrigued with
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: the anointing, but you're carrying it, so you can't tell
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: what they attracted to. And sometimes watch this, they can't
• 35:37
  Speaker 5: tell that that's what they attraded to. I had a friend,
• 35:40
  Speaker 5: and I thank god that he was wise in his ways. Okay,
• 35:44
  Speaker 5: I thank god.
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: We had a conversation and in the conversation, I was
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: just you know, pouring my heart out to him, not necessarily.
• 35:52
  Speaker 5: Like oh, I love you, blah blah. It was nothing
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: like that. It was I don't understand why I'm so
• 35:56
  Speaker 5: amazed at you. You so you know, blah blah blah.
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: But you know, I feel so connected with you, like
• 36:01
  Speaker 5: I'm trying to figure this out. And he looked at
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: me in my face. We in college, now we're in college.
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: He looked me in my face and he said, you're
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: He said, you're attracted to my anointing. That does not
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: mean that you want me. Now, somebody had to develop him, really,
• 36:24
  Speaker 5: because I didn't even I've been broken because people are
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: attracted to my.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: Anointing and it.
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: Sets you up for failure every time when you can't differentiate. Okay, God,
• 36:38
  Speaker 5: that's why see he first of God, because if I'm
• 36:43
  Speaker 5: seeking him, he'll tell me, hey, that's a that's an assignment.
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: That's a that's an assignment. He liked your all because
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: they didn't like the oil. I didn't help help with
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: some some mama mama issues. I make you feel good.
• 36:59
  Speaker 5: I made you feel good inside. I touched the space
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: and nurtured it a little bit. Yeah, but that don't
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: mean I had to bedroom boom you. But go this
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: this your I'm just letting you know that a lot
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: of assignment.
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: My god, I won't say a lot that was really stretching.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Body count ain't like that. Let me correct, correct, correct.
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: I've been in situations bedroom booming because I didn't understand
• 37:31
  Speaker 5: the this is assignment.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and this is a real thing. You know what
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: I'm saying.
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: Proceed, woman, a guy, the man of God liked the
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: anointing and my job?
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: What was that relationship? Like very toxic, very very toxic?
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: But it is start out like that. Never told me?
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: Did you tell anybody that you was in this relationship?
• 37:59
  Speaker 4: No? No, no, no no no.
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: Is there a reason for that? Like why you didn't
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: mention anybody?
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: No?
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Like, yes it is. I ain't gonna lie. I had
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: to pray one damn Like God, is this my husband?
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: He said?
• 38:14
  Speaker 4: No?
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: Jaylay jay jay Jaylen you not alone? Since you go alone?
• 38:22
  Speaker 5: I didn't done it and just stay It's like, oh, well,
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: because it's gonna hurt him or it's but who I'm
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: gonna hell, what's gonna fill this space out for it?
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: Because I done got used to something now not only that, God,
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: how is it not my husband? But he doing everything
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: a husband does, like nothing's wrong with this man, were
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: praying together, were fastened together.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: They want to have sex now that dad would have
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: got me too, that.
• 38:50
  Speaker 4: That would have a man because because ain't no man,
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: not our age, especially my third ain't no man saying oh,
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: I don't.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: Want to, I ain't trying to bedroom boom you because
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: they be wan a bedroom boom Okay.
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: And when you try not to and then you like
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: you in a serving mindset, you know I'm a bedroom
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: boom you because you know, I know it's it's right
• 39:13
  Speaker 4: to serve you or it's right.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: To do this.
• 39:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, all messed up in the head. Yeah, up in
• 39:18
  Speaker 4: the head, girl, I'm in your a man corn.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah okay.
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: So he told God told you not did your husband?
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: But you proceeded. How long were you in relationship?
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: So I think we met in like June or July
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: and the relationship ended in like February. Okay, And so
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: did you were y'all y'all were going to church together?
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: Did y'all meet at the church to church together?
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: Well, thank God for that. Okay, So what so the
• 39:50
  Speaker 5: the initial question was we go for ministry. We're in ministry,
• 39:55
  Speaker 5: We're on this pinnacle point. Where did we why why
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: why do fall off? So he was, yeah, why do
• 40:02
  Speaker 5: we go go? So the first part of it is homeboy?
• 40:06
  Speaker 5: You mean homeboy?
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: You in this relationship? What happened in that relationship to
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: introduce you to isolation? Yeah?
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: Abortion? So y'all did end up bedroom boonings? Yeah? Okay.
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: So once we continue in the relationship and at some
• 40:22
  Speaker 4: point it started turning toxic.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: Now, let me just preference this.
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: Before I met him, I was almost two a year
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: of not having six. So I'm thinking in my mind, like,
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: like I said, I have to protect this everything. I
• 40:38
  Speaker 4: gotta protect the annoying. I gotta protect me. But it
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: seemed like he was a safe place, so I can
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: let all this down. I could just be Jayla. But
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: again he he wanted the annoyance. He was a treat
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: with annoyingting, not just me. And so when I let
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: all of that down down, then Sin came in. We
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: started having sex, and then he was he was in church,
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: and so we would have six and then like we
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: cannot do this, stop repent not have sex for a
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: long time, and literally the next time we had six,
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: we only had six twice.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: Jessica, oh wow. Yeah, the next time we had six,
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: I ended up pregnant, and I'm just like, oh, nope, Like, oh,
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: because you didn't want him to even be the father
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: of your child either? Or was it because it was
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: a pregnancy? No, No, it was just you can't be pregnant.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: You a ministry girl, what's proble you?
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 41:41
  Speaker 5: But it's added layers to Okay, the ministry. But do
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: I even want you to be my baby daddy? I'm
• 41:48
  Speaker 5: just I'm just gonna keep it rare, like, do I
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: even want you to be the father of my child? Yeah,
• 41:51
  Speaker 5: so all these things are running in your head.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so you you opted in for abortion? Yes?
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: And literally that wasn't my first choice. Okay, my first
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: choice was when I wasn't gonna tell him. But then
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: I decided to tell him and he wanted to keep
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: the baby, and I'm like, okay, we can keep the baby.
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: And so we talked about it and we decided that
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: this is what we're gonna do. And after we talked
• 42:17
  Speaker 4: that that day, we didn't talk anymore.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: Everybody looked like that when I said it, I didn't
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: talk to this man anymore. And so you go, hey,
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: so this was in February.
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: Yes, so you told him in February, he said, oh,
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: I want you to keep the baby, and then he
• 42:36
  Speaker 4: goes he ghost you or y'all just goese each other.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: No, I guess he never called and I didn't call,
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: so I guess we just gohosted each other. So do
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: you have closure there?
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we had to get to that, like oh okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: all right, so you had to have.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: The abortion alone? No, So my best friend, uh she was.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: We stayed together until exclusive.
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: We had an apartment together, and when I told her,
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: she was just like, whatever you want to do, Jailer,
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: we can do it.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: You ain't.
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: You don't have to do it along. You want to
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: have his baby, he ain't got to be here because
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: we can be in here. Take it, turn right this
• 43:15
  Speaker 4: baby while you go to class. I go to class
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: like yeah, So after we didn't thought about it, and
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: I'm just like, I don't want to do this without
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: number one being married and then number two we're not
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: talking to each other, so I.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: Don't want to do this without him. Yeah, it don't
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: make sense. So I wouldn't have an abortion and it's okay.
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: The day I left.
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: Because at that time, they were giving medication for you
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: that so it wasn't just like a one time thing,
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: like a one day thing.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: So you took the pill the pill, and I left
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: and I had to take the pill the rest of it,
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: like the next day, I guess.
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: And I remember being in my apartment and I remember
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: this is so graphic, but I was in the bathroom
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: and you know, you have a blood clot and.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: You can feel it like when you're on your cycle.
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: I remember feeling that the baby come out, all of
• 44:19
  Speaker 4: the blood gets rushed out, and in that moment, it
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: felt like everything that left with the passing of that baby,
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: like when the baby pats.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: Feel like everything left inside.
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: Of me, everything as in me, hope, everything, God, it
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: felt like everything just left with it.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: So at this point in time, at this point in time,
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: you are nineteen twenty I think I was twenty. Yeah,
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: I was twenty and twenty Okay, And so we're here
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: and we have this moment.
• 45:00
  Speaker 5: How did how did you process what happened as far
• 45:04
  Speaker 5: as the abortion?
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: How did or have you? I have now, but at
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: the moment, I didn't. I did not process it.
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: I just literally it was right around when Kobe was
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: about to start, so everything shut down so I didn't
• 45:19
  Speaker 4: have to process anything because there was no church. People
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: weren't having events, and everyone is really nobody is really
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: like worried about other people because were trying to make
• 45:29
  Speaker 4: sure we don't get sick ourselves. So no one was
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: like calling to check on me to see even how
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: well I'm not. I won't say no one because mss
• 45:37
  Speaker 4: D did Jesus.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: But yeah, so I didn't have to be in the
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: presence of God. Wow, so you weren't. So what did
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: you do?
• 45:52
  Speaker 5: Is what is it like a sweep it under the
• 45:55
  Speaker 5: rug type of thing or are you just like all right,
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: well we shut down anyway, So it was easy to ice.
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: It was easy to isolate. It was just like, well,
• 46:02
  Speaker 4: you did the very thing I always said I would
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: never do that because that's just too far. Yeah.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you don't say this is the thing I learned.
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: Never don't ever, I've learned, don't be telling folks what
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: you won't do, because it's gonna people around the corner,
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: and it's gonna dress itself nice enough for you to
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: do it.
• 46:28
  Speaker 5: Okay, because maybe i'd have been some situations, Yeah, okay,
• 46:31
  Speaker 5: it's interesting. The woly spirit was dealing with me about
• 46:36
  Speaker 5: I did not know this conversation is gonna come up,
• 46:40
  Speaker 5: and this is to speak to believers directly and how
• 46:46
  Speaker 5: we manage ourselves on being like a safe space for
• 46:50
  Speaker 5: other people.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 46:52
  Speaker 5: There was a I'm gonna be very mindful of the
• 46:57
  Speaker 5: how I say this story. There was a young lady
• 47:00
  Speaker 5: that I was friends with. Let's just say I was
• 47:02
  Speaker 5: friends with in school and one day we were in
• 47:08
  Speaker 5: a conversation and I could tell certain things was off,
• 47:11
  Speaker 5: but I didn't think anything of it. One day we
• 47:14
  Speaker 5: were in conversation and she said, just what do you
• 47:17
  Speaker 5: think about abortion?
• 47:18
  Speaker 4: Now?
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: Mind you, everybody knew I was an Afro American gospel quirer.
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: I was.
• 47:23
  Speaker 5: You know, people just knew that I loved the Lord
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: and I had some level of relationship with the Lord, right,
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: and so I you know, when she asked me that,
• 47:33
  Speaker 5: my response was, oh, I don't believe in it, like
• 47:37
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't, I'm not gonna do it or whatever.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: But what she heard was condemnation.
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: Now, this is a learning experience that I've carried for
• 47:49
  Speaker 5: years now, at least ten over ten years now because
• 47:52
  Speaker 5: she heard this, and I think that it was her
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: way of about trying to introduce to me that if
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: maybe she was pregnant at the time and thinking about
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: it or had done it and wanted me my comfort.
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: I don't know what was happening, but she introduced and
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: I was like, oh yeah, and maybe it's the way
• 48:10
  Speaker 5: I said it too, because it was I could say like, oh, yeah,
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: I don't do that, like you know, I'm this Christian,
• 48:15
  Speaker 5: I'm holy saint.
• 48:16
  Speaker 4: If I fill with hold the spirit blah blah blah blah,
• 48:18
  Speaker 4: and then boom like she's asking me this. There's a
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: reason why she's asking me this. And so I was like,
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: didn't think anything of it, didn't think anything of it
• 48:28
  Speaker 4: until one day.
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: She was battling the aftermath of having an abortion, right,
• 48:35
  Speaker 5: and I will never forget this. I don't even think
• 48:38
  Speaker 5: she understands like how powerful this moment was for me
• 48:41
  Speaker 5: and for my ministry now.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: And she looked at me and she said she screamed
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: at me. She was like, just got had an abortion,
• 48:49
  Speaker 4: and I don't care what you think about it. And
• 48:51
  Speaker 4: I know it was wrong, but it was I had
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: to do it because I can't have a baby, I mean,
• 48:54
  Speaker 4: fast out on me. And all I could do is
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: look at her and I could.
• 49:00
  Speaker 5: I know now that it was the love of the
• 49:02
  Speaker 5: Lord that I felt because she was so visibly broken
• 49:08
  Speaker 5: about this space. Right, And so my mindset with anyone
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: that experiences abortion right, Do I agree with it? No,
• 49:19
  Speaker 5: I don't necessarily agree with even not necessarily, I don't
• 49:21
  Speaker 5: agree with the bors because the word the Lord says,
• 49:24
  Speaker 5: you know, against it, right. That's just my belief. However,
• 49:29
  Speaker 5: and I understand that people are in situations that they
• 49:35
  Speaker 5: feel like they cannot get out of, and they made
• 49:38
  Speaker 5: a decision because they didn't think they could get out.
• 49:42
  Speaker 5: There is no way out of this, like A ain't
• 49:44
  Speaker 5: no other option, Like you if I thought about it
• 49:48
  Speaker 5: this long, if there was another option, do you think
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: I really would have went through it? And so I
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: was at the worship center and he said something so
• 49:55
  Speaker 5: powerful and I'm gonna get off this.
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: Subject.
• 50:00
  Speaker 4: Is that.
• 50:03
  Speaker 5: When we're doing the pro life thing and I don't
• 50:04
  Speaker 5: even know the Lord, thank you for your grace on
• 50:07
  Speaker 5: these because you know, I don't want to do to
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: the political thing people go to pro life and then
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: pro choice and were arguing back and forth. But we're
• 50:17
  Speaker 5: not arguing in the sense of making the person whole.
• 50:22
  Speaker 5: The person that is carrying the child, the person that's
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: going through What about the wholeness of that person, not
• 50:28
  Speaker 5: just in a spiritual mindset, but in a mindset of okay,
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: pro life.
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: People, Are you willing to help this person when they
• 50:36
  Speaker 4: have to deliver this baby? Are you willing to help?
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: Are you willing to sew are you willing to make
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: sure that baby has Are you willing to provide a
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: home for this child?
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying, And like, are we so?
• 50:51
  Speaker 5: Are we so blindsided to the issues of why people
• 50:54
  Speaker 5: are making this choice. I don't think you can just
• 50:57
  Speaker 5: be one sided on that. I think you gotta be
• 50:59
  Speaker 5: open minded to the place of why. Let's get to
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: the rule of why you felt alone?
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, cool?
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: If you felt like your grandma and then would have
• 51:07
  Speaker 4: taken care of the child, I can.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: Guarantee you that child would be here right now.
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: I think you would have had another, you know, option
• 51:13
  Speaker 5: where people were like, oh, this is gonna destroy everything,
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: this is gonna change. I don't want to be a
• 51:17
  Speaker 5: statistic I don't want to be this They got all
• 51:19
  Speaker 5: these pressures. Do you really think that was the choice
• 51:22
  Speaker 5: that people want to make?
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 51:24
  Speaker 5: And maybe I'm a little bit more passionate about what
• 51:27
  Speaker 5: I thought I was on this, but we gotta be mindful.
• 51:29
  Speaker 5: After that scenario with me, I said, oh, never again,
• 51:32
  Speaker 5: you will have to worry about me.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: I will have my opinion.
• 51:35
  Speaker 5: I stand on what I believe, however, and the way
• 51:37
  Speaker 5: I maneuver with you. Let's talk about this. Let's talk
• 51:41
  Speaker 5: about this. So I'm sorry I went on a.
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: Rent or whatever.
• 51:45
  Speaker 4: So you had the moment, y'all.
• 51:48
  Speaker 5: I just, Lord, please grip me back together right now.
• 51:51
  Speaker 5: You had the moment, right so, but you were still
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: in this dark place. So now let's say COVID is over.
• 51:58
  Speaker 5: COVID been over a couple of years. You just popped
• 52:00
  Speaker 5: outside at three. Between the abortion and the time you pop.
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: Back out, what transpired.
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: Oh? I literally lost three brothers and one cousin and
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: then my Grandfafather, which it's still death, but I had
• 52:32
  Speaker 4: more peace in it because he lived all the years.
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: God promised him. Yeah, but yeah, I lost three brothers.
• 52:40
  Speaker 4: And when I say lost, I mean twenty and twenty one,
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: twenty and twenty two, twenty and twenty three, back to
• 52:49
  Speaker 4: back to back.
• 52:51
  Speaker 5: This is what I just heard the Lord say. Your
• 52:54
  Speaker 5: isolation included everything like death. Yes, So did you at
• 53:01
  Speaker 5: one point grieve the loss of your child?
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: I think at first, well, not at first, maybe a
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: few months after then I started thinking like, should have
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: could have water, Like, oh, I could have just and
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: I started thinking, literally, this is what I was thinking.
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: We in COVID, nobody would have even known just been
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: over here, nobody would have known. I didn't have to
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: like have no babyshit. I can't do that, no way.
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: So after the fact and after COVID happening, and we
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: are in this place, you know, isolated for so long,
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I could have.
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: Just did it. I would have been okay. Yeah, And
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: now we're to the point where, even in that space.
• 53:46
  Speaker 5: That this opportunity presents itself for you to be a
• 53:50
  Speaker 5: mom again and you have a beautiful baby girl.
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: See if so because you okay, see we eating real food,
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: real fun. How do the decision was?
• 54:04
  Speaker 5: Did your decision on having an abortion affect your decision
• 54:07
  Speaker 5: to have a baby.
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: Yes, because I said I would never do that again.
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: I don't baby, I don't care.
• 54:17
  Speaker 4: I know I would never. But also I had already
• 54:20
  Speaker 4: went back into the world so hard, so it's like
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: it don't even matter because I'm not in ministry anymore.
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: Nobody even know.
• 54:28
  Speaker 4: Like the people that I loved and cared about and
• 54:30
  Speaker 4: like had such a high regards me, they don't.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: Even like almost like they don't even know how it
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: exists anymore, Like so it doesn't matter.
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: So I was so far in the world. It was
• 54:43
  Speaker 4: just like, I'm not having said this nowhere. It's no
• 54:47
  Speaker 4: reason to go and do have an abortion again. And
• 54:50
  Speaker 4: I never even thought about it when I got when
• 54:51
  Speaker 4: I found out I was pregnant again, Like, I didn't
• 54:54
  Speaker 4: think about it. It was just like, oh, I'm having
• 54:55
  Speaker 4: my baby, like but also like I wouldn't there do it.
• 55:00
  Speaker 4: This is what I just heard you say. Watch this desertray.
• 55:02
  Speaker 4: She says she felt more. She didn't say this verbatim,
• 55:06
  Speaker 4: but this is what I heard.
• 55:07
  Speaker 5: I feel more comfortable having a baby in the world
• 55:13
  Speaker 5: than I do keeping one in the church. My God,
• 55:21
  Speaker 5: when we have oh, let me get on my soul
• 55:23
  Speaker 5: boss right here, when we have pastors.
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: Making young girls calm up in the front of a.
• 55:33
  Speaker 5: Church to decree their sin, to declare their sin, to
• 55:37
  Speaker 5: present their sins to a congregation, that's probably not even
• 55:41
  Speaker 5: doing anything for her other than giving her scripture because
• 55:44
  Speaker 5: we gotta go beyond. I'm sorry, I got an attitude.
• 55:47
  Speaker 5: Now we gotta go beyond. Oh, I'm just giving you
• 55:49
  Speaker 5: the word.
• 55:50
  Speaker 4: I'm telling you what to do, and I'm no discipleship
• 55:53
  Speaker 4: is getting in it with him. When God, when Jesus
• 55:56
  Speaker 4: was down here, he knew, he knew Judas was gonna
• 56:00
  Speaker 4: was gonna portray him.
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: He looked at the.
• 56:03
  Speaker 4: Man and told him that he was gonna portray him,
• 56:05
  Speaker 4: and he still let him sit at the table.
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: Judis still ate that night, knowing that he was gonna
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: betray God.
• 56:13
  Speaker 5: And you have the audacity to bring somebody up to
• 56:17
  Speaker 5: present they sin, I don't agree with that, So you're
• 56:21
  Speaker 5: hearing it from somebody that ain't gotten to do with
• 56:23
  Speaker 5: the Woman of God. Say that I felt safe for
• 56:26
  Speaker 5: having the baby in the world than I did in
• 56:28
  Speaker 5: the church I was in ministry, I had covering. I
• 56:32
  Speaker 5: just wonder what it would have felt like if you
• 56:35
  Speaker 5: felt safe enough to go to your church leaders, to
• 56:37
  Speaker 5: go to your people like I'm sorry, I feel my
• 56:40
  Speaker 5: anger and my all at the same time, But I
• 56:43
  Speaker 5: wonder what it would have looked like for you to
• 56:45
  Speaker 5: be able to say, pastor, this is what I'm going
• 56:48
  Speaker 5: through or or or or or or or Bob Billy Crystal, whoever.
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: Was in the church?
• 56:55
  Speaker 4: Am I am I safe enough to do this and
• 56:57
  Speaker 4: my and my two huh on a pedestal? And I
• 56:59
  Speaker 4: know supposed to do it? But how do I maneuver
• 57:02
  Speaker 4: the defeat? What happens when I've said yes to my
• 57:05
  Speaker 4: flesh and know to God? Like, why do I maneuver
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: that that language and that transition? What do I do?
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: I wonder because what you just said.
• 57:13
  Speaker 4: Was I felt comfortable with being pregnant in the world,
• 57:16
  Speaker 4: not pregnant in the church.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: I felt comfortable.
• 57:18
  Speaker 4: I felt more comfortable with hiding away. And this is
• 57:21
  Speaker 4: why the safe space is so insus such as a
• 57:24
  Speaker 4: importing space, and why I'm so passionate about it because
• 57:27
  Speaker 4: of people like, Oh, I'm trying not to cry right
• 57:29
  Speaker 4: now because the people like you that and me because
• 57:33
  Speaker 4: I've hidden It's certain things.
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: I just won't say. You know what, I'm come to church.
• 57:38
  Speaker 5: I'm the one I'm supposed to do, and I'm calladay
• 57:41
  Speaker 5: because what I'm dealing with right now, I don't even
• 57:43
  Speaker 5: think that y'all ready for it. I don't even think
• 57:45
  Speaker 5: that I have the safety to do that I've been there,
• 57:49
  Speaker 5: even more recently than people might want to think. But
• 57:52
  Speaker 5: this is this is a warning for us that call
• 57:54
  Speaker 5: ourselves believers. This is a warning for us. And so
• 57:58
  Speaker 5: when people bring us like they got, I gotta be
• 58:01
  Speaker 5: able to practice ugly truths with you. And if you
• 58:06
  Speaker 5: would have felt like if you would have had a
• 58:08
  Speaker 5: more ugly truth moment with people like oh, yeah, you
• 58:11
  Speaker 5: did that girl, or you was kissing or you was
• 58:13
  Speaker 5: bust down on other instead of don't have sex, don't
• 58:17
  Speaker 5: do this, let's talk, let's talk, let's navigate this conversation,
• 58:21
  Speaker 5: because you could have navigated that conversation now saying your
• 58:23
  Speaker 5: best friend wasn't because your best friend always gonna ride
• 58:26
  Speaker 5: it by. Your best friend gonna always ride it by.
• 58:29
  Speaker 5: But somebody during that time would have been like, you
• 58:31
  Speaker 5: know what, girl, I know it's COVID, but I don't care.
• 58:34
  Speaker 5: I have mask go up. Let's pray we're gonna have
• 58:36
  Speaker 5: this baby. Because you ain't gonna like the Apha math
• 58:39
  Speaker 5: for this. You get what I'm saying, So who I'm sorry.
• 58:43
  Speaker 4: Also, though no one in the church actually tells you
• 58:45
  Speaker 4: that they have had an abortion, nobody talks about it.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: So half of the time, they're not you don't know
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: what the aftermath is.
• 58:53
  Speaker 4: Had someone that told me that when I killed that baby,
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: I was gonna feel like I killed myself, I would
• 58:58
  Speaker 4: have been like, oh no, but no one talks about
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: that because because of that stuff like that right to
• 59:07
  Speaker 4: get up up here and apologize to the congregation.
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: When I saw that video, I was.
• 59:12
  Speaker 4: Pissed like periods because I could not have imagined doing that,
• 59:20
  Speaker 4: and as scared. I was terrified for people that I
• 59:25
  Speaker 4: know loved me and would have protected me. I was
• 59:28
  Speaker 4: scared and terrified for them to know. I tried to
• 59:32
  Speaker 4: tell Miss d I couldn't even get it out of
• 59:34
  Speaker 4: my mouth. Jessica literally she said, don't even worry about it.
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: The Holy Spirit told me I couldn't even tell her.
• 59:41
  Speaker 4: And I know that she loved me and she was
• 59:44
  Speaker 4: gonna protect me and she was gonna help me get
• 59:46
  Speaker 4: through it. So we have to start having these conversations.
• 59:51
  Speaker 4: We had to start telling people like okay. And also
• 59:54
  Speaker 4: when I went back to the world, I felt like,
• 59:56
  Speaker 4: I'm already here, I'm already NP.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: I might as well just stay here because.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 4: I didn't need the very thing that was that's real,
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 4: low down that's down, down low. So I felt like
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 4: I should stay there and I should just be mediocre
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: and all of all of the things.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: Because nobody was talking about that. Nobody. We had to
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: start having these conversations and this.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 5: Is where we're gonna start, and your podcast is going
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 5: to really bless people. I'm so proud of you for
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 5: I didn't know that we would land at that part
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 5: of the testimony.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: I was open to God on what there was. I
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: didn't know.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 5: You just made me realize how passionate I am about
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 5: that because I couldn't imagine because I could have easily
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 5: been pregnant.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that decision.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 4: That's the thing, people, The only difference between people that's
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 4: pregnant it not is I got the evidence of it.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: Every I ain't gonna say that. I'm just what everybody
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: else is doing. Way Yeah, Like, man, how you let
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: yourself get pretty good? You don't shut up talking to me?
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 4: Okay, good if you do not shut up talking to
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: mel peel away because you might have missed it. Okay,
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: your imple none is expired.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: That right tells you that is not percent Okay.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 5: But no, in all seriousness, I really want to say,
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 5: this is not judgmental. This is not I think this
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 5: is a good healthy space and conversation to have. It's like, okay,
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 5: how would Jesus address this sin when when they was
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 5: throwing stones stones on a woman. Yeah, he looked at
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 5: he didn't look at the woman. First he came, He
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 5: came and presented himself. The men or the people presented
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 5: their case. God starts doing what he did in the sin. Yeah,
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 5: Silently they dispersed and then he dealt with her. Yeah,
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 5: he never said, oh you you're filthy, you're you're you
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 5: you out of order. Even with the woman at the
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 5: well he made he didn't. It was no one else
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 5: around him when he confronted her about oh you you
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 5: would a man that ain't even that ain't don't even
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 5: belong to you. He didn't say that in front of
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 5: whole one of the people. It was a one on
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 5: one transaction. So if we're doing a lot of what
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 5: what would Jesus, Jesus do?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: Ask God?
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 5: How with how how should we manage as believers each
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 5: other's downfalls?
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: Right? Yeah, and because I.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 5: Manage her well, she doesn't have the aftermath of the sin.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 5: She doesn't have I already got evidence that I was
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 5: seeing and I got evidence of the sin.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 5: Now, I have a great relationship of how I tried
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 5: to cover up the sin, like we can we can
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 5: stop a deliverance part.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 4: She would have had to be delivered from having a baby.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: You would have had to be you would have just
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: delivered the baby. Yeah, my god, I didn't care had
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: to be delivered from the cover up.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 5: Yes, So if you ain't my words for this, and
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna let her have, I'm gonna let DESI ray.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 5: But I want to make sure this one note y'all,
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 5: don't hear just a venting session or a release of session,
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 5: but an opportunity, whether it's abortion, where there is homosexuality, what, no, whatever,
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 5: Lane that goes against the belief and the word of
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 5: the Lord.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: How do you manage the sin with others? Yeah?
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, man, Yeah, it was This was a good,
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 4: a good sobering conversation. You know what I'm saying, because
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 4: the truth is, we've all been somewhere, you know what
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 4: I'm saying, and like and like Jaylen said, the only
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 4: difference is she had the evidence, you know what I'm saying.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 4: But I was just sitting here just thinking about you know,
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 4: God's whole part purpose for senting Jesus was to redeem
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 4: us back, you know what I'm saying. And I think
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 4: as believers, as Christians, we forget that, you know what
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 4: I'm saying, And so I'm grateful that that you felt
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 4: safe enough to share that, you know what I'm saying,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 4: because you are right, and nobody really talks about it
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 4: like that for real. But the truth of the matter
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 4: is there's more people who are who have walked that
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 4: path and that may have made different decisions if they
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 4: might have hurt somebody else's testimony, you know, And so
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 4: thank you for for for for just being open and
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 4: feeling safe. And I'm and it is a journey, right,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 4: I think, you know, as we just allow God to
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 4: to to restore us and to heal us, you know,
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 4: we get to different levels and and I know that
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 4: a little bit more will be able to come out
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 4: and you're gonna be able to save from You're gonna
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 4: be able to save from people with your with your voice.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: So thank you, thank you. Yeah, I'm so proud of you.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 4: Man.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 5: Like something that we do on just as is I
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 5: like to have the let our guests have the final word.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 5: If they didn't hear anything. We talked about a lot
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 5: of things heavy on what your experience was. But if
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 5: there is a word that you would like to leave
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 5: the audience, like anything that's on your heart regarding the
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 5: conversation or something that you came in with on the floor,
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 5: is yours.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just say.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 4: That even when you have evidence of sin, or evidence
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 4: of defeat, evidence of low step esteem and lack of confidence,
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 4: evidence of all these things that the world can give,
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 4: that you are also evidence of God's goodness. Come on,
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 4: you are like you are the evidence. You are the
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 4: evidence of God's goodness. And if that that was enough
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 4: for me, I asked God, Like, God, I had sacrificed
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 4: so much for you, and like doing all the things
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 4: I didn't get to really experience college like I was
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 4: supposed to, and what I thought, and God said, the
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 4: sacrifice that you gave to me did not compare to
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 4: the sacrifice that I gave to you, O, God Jesus is.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: An ultimate sacrifice.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 4: And when you can think about the fact that God
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 4: loved me despite because he knew it, he saw it
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 4: could go this way, go this way. So despite all
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 4: of that, and God thought that I was still worth
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 4: it enough to send his son and sacrifice his child
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 4: for me. I'm gonna run on and see what it
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 4: ain't gonna be, because that's enough for me. And I
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 4: would just say, even with all of that, get back up,
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 4: start again. You haven't gone too far from God, because
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 4: he even in those moments, he was right there with me.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 4: I was ignoring him, come on, I was trying to
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 4: turn it, turn it down a little bit.
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: But he was there and he didn't leave me. And
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: when I finally was just like the Holy Spirit won't
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: let you go.
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 4: When I finally just stopped fighting him, then I was
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 4: able to pop back out and everybody like, where you been?
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 4: But now I have something something good to say. It's
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 4: not just a gift, it's not just annointing.
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: I have the power of God.
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 4: Yea, at the peace of God. I know when when
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 4: when they say God is a restore of.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: Time, evidence, I'm the evidence. You are the evidence.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 4: You are the evidence of the goodness, of the love,
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 4: of the grace and mercy of God. Okay, And be
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 4: like how he told the woman to go and sin
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 4: no more.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 2: And sin no more.
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 5: That was a that was a I love how you
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 5: said that, Go and sin no more. Even though while
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 5: we're thinking talking about this, he looked at that woman
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 5: in confidence when he said that. He says, Okay, I've
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 5: done this for you. We clear, we cleared the room,
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 5: We clear the we clear the naysayers, we clear the accusers.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah right, yeah, so go and send no more. It's clear.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 4: It's done. And I have so much because I know
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 4: what I put inside of you. I have so much
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 4: confidence that I can tell you that I can tell
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 4: you to get up again. I can tell you to
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 4: try again. I can tell you to write the book.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 4: I can tell you to start the podcast. I can
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 4: give you the podcast to create this space so I
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 4: can come so Jela can come on here, Jessica and
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 4: tell you what happened to her.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: I have confidence in that because I put it in you.
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 2: So yeah, go and send no more. Go and do
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 2: the will of God. God. I got chilled. I don't
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: know about y'all.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 5: Y'all gotta let us know in the chat with what
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 5: is going on in your mind regarding this, And make
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 5: sure that you tune in to Two Friends, One Guy podcast. Okay,
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 5: they are on YouTube, Spotify all the all the streaming platforms,
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 5: and y'all will be seeing jay Loo again. My goal
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 5: is to collab with more podcasters, more people in the city.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 4: So if y'all seeing this shot, come hit us up.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 4: If you trying to tell y'all hit us up. It's
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 4: easy to get us to us today. It might not
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 4: be that easy to later on.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's not going to be what this pocket.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 4: You gotta start, you gotta keep me on, you gotta
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 4: keep I've been seeing Thank you, Thank you, schedule schedule
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 4: your appointment, y'all.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: I love you guys until next time. Until next week.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 2: Remember life could be much more simple if you just.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode. Since
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: you've made it this far, you might as well connect
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: with us on all social media platforms at the Jessica S.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: Smith.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: I know I won't see you back until next week,
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: but until then, remember to love always yourself and always say.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 3: Thank God for one another day. Hey, Hey, I know
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: we could be another way. Hey, pray thank God for
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 3: another day. Hey Hey, I'm just thankful another day. Hey Hey,
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 3: another day? Oh, another day wise, another day to get
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 3: it right, another day to rise up, another day living
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 3: another day.
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 2: We love ones.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 3: I always remember hold it down for a ball one
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 3: yeh
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 4: Eight,