Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / STOP Letting Others CONTROL You! (S5) S43:E1 Saturday

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STOP Letting Others CONTROL You! (S5) S43:E1 Saturday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:22
Well there, hello everyone, and welcome to the
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ever popular inspirations for your life show.
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It is so great to be with you.
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It is Saturday, it is October 17th, and
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it's 2026, and I welcome you here.
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If this is the very first time you're
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joining me, I want to take that opportunity
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want to say the words, welcome.
0:46
If you've been here before, whether that was
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one time, 10, 100, or more, maybe more,
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thank you, welcome, and I also like to
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say the important words, welcome back.
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1:03
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Really delicious, just enough lemon, it's really good.
1:16
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1:43
Stop letting others control you, series five, show
1:47
43.
1:48
It is Saturday, we go from a Saturday
1:50
all the way through to Friday, that's how
1:52
we do our show.
1:53
Welcome, everyone, to the ever-popular inspirations for
1:57
your life show.
1:59
I'm John Seymour, a serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing
2:03
specialist, video producer, podcast host, coach, professional keynote
2:08
speaker, graduate student at Montclair State University, a
2:12
passionate lifelong learner, and now so grateful to
2:15
be a published author, and it is a
2:17
privilege and pleasure to be with you today.
2:19
So let me ask you something, okay?
2:22
Who is really making the decisions in your
2:25
life?
2:26
You're probably saying, well, you're crazy, I'm making
2:28
decisions.
2:29
Are you really?
2:30
Have you ever agreed to something you didn't
2:32
want to do because you were afraid of
2:35
disappointing someone or trying to keep face?
2:38
Have you changed your plans because somebody criticized
2:41
you?
2:42
Or maybe you've spent too much time trying
2:46
to keep everyone happy, be a people pleaser,
2:49
and that you've forgotten you actually have needs,
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too.
2:54
Well, ladies and gentlemen, today, we're changing all
2:57
that, yes, and I know this is something
3:00
a lot of people are not going to
3:01
want to hear, but it is the truth,
3:02
guys.
3:04
Welcome, everyone, to Series 5, basically, it's show
3:08
43, it's episode number one.
3:11
Stop giving your power away, take back control.
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All week long, we're exploring how to reclaim
3:18
personal, that's right, authority, recognize our worth, think
3:25
independently, protect our energy, and live with true
3:28
integrity.
3:30
Today it's Saturday, and our theme for today
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is own it.
3:33
You heard me, own it.
3:35
Let's get into the 30 points and ways
3:38
to stop letting other people control you in
3:42
your life without you even knowing it.
3:44
Number one, recognize when other people's expectations are
3:49
controlling your choices.
3:51
Ask yourself whether you're making a decision because
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it's right for you or because you're afraid
3:57
of someone's reaction.
4:01
That distinction matters.
4:03
You know, maybe it's a friend, it could
4:05
be a significant other, could be a colleague,
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even a family member.
4:11
And anyone that uses tactics to manipulate you,
4:15
either directly or indirectly, that's taking away from
4:18
your joy.
4:20
I remember I told you about Father Ray
4:22
from my undergraduate days at the University of
4:26
Hartford, and he wasn't trying to be harmful,
4:32
but he was trying to use a little
4:34
bit of psychological pressure to get you to
4:38
do it.
4:38
He would use God, and our Lord, and
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things like that, and say, you know, that's
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not how you should be doing that, and
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I don't think he would like that, and
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this and that.
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So that was his motus, and anytime something
4:53
didn't go well and, you know, Father would
4:56
go talk to them, they almost always would
4:59
change their mind, whether they wanted to or
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not.
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And that's a perfect example of, well, breaking
5:06
because someone else is manipulating you.
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Number two, guys, I'm going to ask you
5:12
to stop giving everyone else a vote in
5:15
your personal decisions.
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Maybe you're trying to be kind and polite.
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This isn't a democracy.
5:20
Advice can be valuable at times, but you
5:23
don't need a committee to approve every choice.
5:27
Well, should I get the brown shoes?
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Should I get, you know, the black shoes?
5:32
Should I get the jeans that are this
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way?
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Should I get the other type of jeans?
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You know, should I get this shirt, that
5:40
shirt?
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You don't have a democracy on that.
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As I said, advice can be valuable, but
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you don't need the committee, right?
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Listen thoughtfully, then remember whose life you're living.
5:53
You can ask people for their opinions, there's
5:55
nothing wrong with that, but don't allow their
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decisions to predicate or have you change who
6:03
you are or what you're doing.
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I think that's an important thing.
6:07
Number three, understand the difference between influence and
6:11
control.
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This is my ultimate favorite.
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Healthy influence offers information and respects your freedom.
6:19
Control pressures you to comply, even when the
6:23
decision conflicts with your needs.
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And by needs, I'm also talking about your
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inner core values.
6:32
The reason why you may not be aware
6:35
of it is because like, oh, well, what's
6:36
one time?
6:37
What's two times?
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Before you know it, you're on autopilot just
6:39
constantly saying yes, and you really don't want
6:43
to.
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So understand the difference, control and influence.
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Influence is healthy, okay, if it respects your
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freedom, if it starts getting into things you
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don't want to do or manipulate you into
6:57
something, that's not good, right?
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And that's control.
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And it pressures you to comply even when
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you may not want to.
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Number four, guys, recognize why approval can become
7:14
an emotional dependency.
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When you need constant validation every second, other
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people's reactions begin directing your behavior and you
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start losing who you are.
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Build confidence that doesn't disappear when someone disagrees,
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okay?
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I always say to people, if I disagree
7:33
with them, I'm going to agree to disagree.
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It's very peaceful.
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It's very easygoing.
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And I was like, you know, Mike, you
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know, Sharon, I'm going to agree to disagree.
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And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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So that's an important piece, guys, is to
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agree to disagree.
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It gets people, because people think, oh, geez,
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agreeing, yeah, I'm agreeing to disagree, right?
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I think that's an important piece that a
8:01
lot of people today just don't understand.
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Number five, stop allowing guilt to determine your
8:12
priorities.
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Feeling guilty doesn't automatically mean you've done something
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wrong.
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Examine your responsibilities before agreeing to something simply
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to escape discomfort.
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So I had a situation today where I
8:28
was trying to avoid basically all these trackings
8:33
and these cameras and stuff.
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And in the midst of doing that, it
8:39
caused another complication that I didn't expect.
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And I said to myself, you know, that
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just isn't fair.
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And then I said to myself, okay, this
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is what it is now.
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This is what I want to change.
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And I'm aware of it.
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I'm not going to get upset about it.
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I'm not going to go crazy about it.
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I'm just going to say, this is how
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it is now.
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This is what I need to change.
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So number five, when we understand that guilt
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is not the main control, our life gets
9:13
better, right?
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Examine your responsibilities before you get into discomfort.
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Number six, identify the situations where you surrender
9:23
your personal authority.
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You've done it so many times you don't
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even know you're doing it.
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Maybe it's at work.
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It's with friends or family.
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Recognizing the pattern gives you an opportunity to
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change it.
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It can even happen on a sports team
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that you're playing on.
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Number seven, I'm going to ask you to
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understand that your time deserves intentional protection.
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Yeah.
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Every unnecessary commitment takes time away from something
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else in your life.
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Your schedule should reflect meaningful priorities, not just
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outside demands.
10:01
Number eight, recognize when fear of disappointing others
10:07
holds you back.
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Disappointment is sometimes unavailable and it becomes unavoidable
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when people want different things.
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You can be respectful without surrendering every important
10:25
decision.
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You can even be respectful and kind without
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saying yes to everybody.
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I used to think, oh my gosh, I've
10:31
got to say yes to everybody.
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If I don't, then I'm a bad person.
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No, you're not.
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You're living your life.
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Don't allow others to make you change your
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life to fit into their mold.
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They'll try.
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Number nine, I'm going to ask you to
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stop confusing kindness with constant compliance.
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You can care deeply about someone and still
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say no.
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Genuine kindness doesn't require abandoning your own will
11:00
and well-being.
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People say, oh, you know, I don't know
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if I can do that because this person's
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counting on me.
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I really don't care if they're counting on
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you.
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If it's causing you stress, if it's causing
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you to feel controlled, you do not need
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to do that, guys.
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You do not need to do that.
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That's the most important thing that I can
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tell you.
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Number 10, learn to question expectations that no
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longer serve your growth.
11:28
Some expectations made sense years ago, but now
11:32
they no longer fit your circumstances.
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That's okay.
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Re-evaluate them.
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Instead of following them automatically, say, wait a
11:39
minute, this doesn't align with my core values
11:43
anymore, or this doesn't jive with who I'm
11:47
becoming.
11:48
Nothing wrong with that.
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Just make sure they're anchored to your core
11:53
values.
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We don't come up with new core values
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every day.
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So question.
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Ask yourself, should I be doing this?
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Is this helping me become a better version
12:04
of myself?
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Or am I doing this to please someone
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else?
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Number 11, recognize the difference between advice and
12:13
manipulation.
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A little different way of saying this.
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Advice helps you understand your options.
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Manipulation uses pressure, fear, or guilt to push
12:23
you toward someone else's preferred outcome.
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Let's give you an example.
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Advice.
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John, I think that's great what you're doing.
12:33
And I love that you're doing all these
12:36
great things.
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And I think if I was in your
12:39
shoes, I would probably do this.
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It would be a lot better.
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And I think you'd be able to enjoy
12:50
your life better.
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That's advice.
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That's not manipulation.
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Say, hey, John, I get where you're coming
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from.
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And I do it this way.
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And you should, too.
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That's not advice.
13:02
That's pressure.
13:03
Or, you know, John, this is the way
13:06
everybody else does it.
13:07
So sooner or later, you're going to have
13:08
to change.
13:09
That's a manipulation.
13:10
Who the heck wants that?
13:12
But we've got to be cognizant of that.
13:16
Number 11, recognize the difference between advice and
13:18
manipulation and act upon it.
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That's the point.
13:22
Number 12, stop allowing someone else's urgency to
13:26
become your emergency.
13:28
Or I like to call it your emergency
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blanket.
13:30
Before dropping everything, people do, ask whether the
13:35
situation truly requires immediate attention.
13:38
Not every urgent request deserves an urgent response.
13:44
There was an emergency room that was on
13:49
social media.
13:50
Of course, they were making this up.
13:52
And they were using all kinds of four
13:54
-letter superlatives.
13:56
And they're basically like, you know, if you
13:59
stubbed your toe or if you broke your
14:02
nail, then you need to go blah, blah,
14:05
blah, blank back home.
14:07
If you sneezed once, okay, and someone in
14:14
your family said you're sick, you need to
14:16
go back home.
14:17
And they used some other words.
14:19
So if you're here because, you know, you
14:25
got a finger that started bleeding and it
14:29
stopped, go home.
14:33
So I think those are important things.
14:35
Not every urgent request deserves an urgent response.
14:38
But if you treat it like that, people
14:40
are going to respond like that.
14:42
All right.
14:43
I think that's a very important thing.
14:45
So we have to be wary of that.
14:48
Okay.
14:49
So number 13, understand that taking control begins
14:52
with personal awareness.
14:53
You cannot change a behavior you refuse to
14:56
recognize.
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So we have to recognize something before we
14:59
can change it.
14:59
Pay attention to things like when you feel
15:02
pressured, hesitant, or disconnected from your values.
15:07
It might be time to pause or take
15:10
a step back.
15:12
Number 14, guys, I'm going to ask you
15:15
to recognize how small compromises can become unhealthy
15:19
patterns.
15:21
And unfortunately, blow up into bigger problems.
15:24
One unnecessary yes may seem harmless today.
15:28
But repeating it constantly can teach others, it's
15:33
okay to have unlimited access to me.
15:38
That's not what you want.
15:40
You don't want to send that message.
15:42
I know you're saying, well, gee, I want
15:42
to be kind.
15:43
No, you don't want to do that.
15:45
You can be kind and say, look, I
15:47
would love to help you.
15:48
I've got some other things I'm working on.
15:49
Or just I can give you 30 minutes.
15:52
When people start realizing that you hold to
15:55
what you say, oh, John, I don't want
15:57
to waste your time.
15:57
I know you're busy.
15:58
I just need five minutes of your time.
15:59
I just need 10 minutes.
16:00
You agreed to give them 30, but they
16:02
only want to give five.
16:03
That's showing respect.
16:07
That's important.
16:09
So stop explaining every decision to people who
16:11
refuse to respect it.
16:12
Number 15, a reasonable explanation can be helpful.
16:16
But endless justification rarely changes someone's determination to
16:22
disagree.
16:24
Communicate clearly and move forward.
16:26
I think when we can as adults say
16:29
that we hear you, which is I agree
16:32
to disagree, that's still being kind.
16:34
I don't have to agree with you.
16:36
But I do need to respect your decision.
16:40
Number 16, learn to make choices that reflect
16:44
your actual values.
16:46
Identify what matters most to you.
16:49
Then compare your decisions against those priorities you
16:52
have in your life.
16:53
Alignment creates a stronger sense of personal direction.
16:58
It does.
17:00
So that starts with us becoming aware of
17:03
things.
17:03
If we're not aware of things, we can't
17:05
make changes.
17:07
If we can't measure something, we can't make
17:09
a change.
17:11
Number 17, recognize when external pressure is influencing
17:15
your confidence.
17:17
Someone else's disapproval doesn't automatically mean your judgment
17:20
is poor or terrible.
17:22
Evaluate the facts rather than treating criticism as
17:25
a verdict.
17:26
People oftentimes will pour on emotion a lot
17:31
thicker when they're not getting through to you.
17:33
They're like, well, you have to help me.
17:36
I mean, you just have to.
17:38
I said, no.
17:40
Do you know you just got to help
17:41
me?
17:42
I mean, if you don't help me, so
17:43
now what are you doing?
17:44
You're threatening me if I don't help you.
17:46
That's terrible.
17:49
And we have to be aware of those
17:50
things.
17:51
That's external pressure.
17:54
We don't need that kind of drama.
17:55
Number 18, stop allowing criticism to automatically change
18:00
your direction.
18:02
Some criticism contains valuable lessons.
18:04
Other criticism reflects personal preferences.
18:08
Learn from what's useful without abandoning your purpose.
18:17
Number 19, understand that healthy independence includes responsibility.
18:24
Taking control doesn't mean ignoring commitments or consequences.
18:29
It means making thoughtful decisions and accepting accountability
18:34
for your own actions.
18:38
I know that's kind of deep.
18:41
But in order to protect ourselves, we need
18:46
to not allow people to just trample over
18:50
us just because they can.
18:53
Number 20, recognize the importance of making and
18:57
thinking before reacting.
19:00
Pressure can create urgency to answer and respond
19:05
now, immediately.
19:06
Give yourself permission to pause.
19:09
Gather information.
19:11
Analyze and respond intentionally.
19:14
Just because somebody's getting upset doesn't mean you've
19:16
got to give them an answer.
19:18
Let them say, okay, I understand.
19:20
I'm going to need some time and I'll
19:22
get back to you.
19:22
Whoa, I got an answer.
19:23
I understand.
19:24
I would like to just do some research
19:26
on my own and I'll get back to
19:28
you in a day or two.
19:30
It infuriates people, but you get out of
19:32
the situation.
19:33
Number 21, stop giving temporary emotions permanent authority.
19:39
Anger, fear, and frustration can influence decisions that
19:42
last far longer than the feeling themselves and
19:45
will leave you with regret.
19:47
Allow emotions to settle before making major commitments.
19:52
That means you've got to have your guard
19:55
up.
19:56
You've got to be aware when somebody's playing
19:58
their emotion card.
20:00
Number 22, learn to communicate your decisions with
20:05
clarity and respect.
20:07
That's a big word, guys, respect.
20:09
You don't need aggression to demonstrate confidence.
20:12
A calm, direct explanation can establish your position
20:16
without creating unnecessary conflict.
20:19
I think that's a very important thing.
20:23
Number 23, recognize when you need stronger personal
20:28
boundaries.
20:30
If the same situation repeatedly leaves you resentful
20:36
or exhausted, examine what needs to change.
20:41
Boundaries become meaningful through consistent behavior.
20:47
It teaches people how you want to be
20:49
treated.
20:50
That's why doing things over and over again
20:52
says, oh, it's okay to walk on me.
20:54
I don't mind.
20:54
I'm just a doormat.
20:58
That's the important piece.
21:00
Number 24, guys, stop waiting for universal approval
21:04
before moving forward.
21:05
Even thoughtful decisions can disappoint someone.
21:08
It's going to happen.
21:09
If you consider the facts that your responsibilities
21:11
may need to be changed despite disagreement, you've
21:18
got to think about that and not just
21:20
respond from a knee-jerk reaction.
21:23
Number 25, understand that self-respect grows through
21:28
consistent action.
21:30
Each time you honor a reasonable commitment to
21:33
yourself, you strengthen trust in your own judgment.
21:37
Confidence develops through practice.
21:39
Number 26, recognize the difference between cooperation and
21:43
surrender.
21:44
Working together involves listening, compromise, and mutual respect.
21:49
Surrendering happens when your needs are repeatedly dismissed
21:53
without meaningful consideration.
21:56
When you let people walk on you.
21:58
Number 27, stop measuring your progress by someone
22:00
else's expectations.
22:02
Their definition of success may not reflect your
22:05
goals or circumstances.
22:07
Evaluate progress against the meaningful direction you've chosen.
22:12
28, choose one area of your life where
22:15
you need greater ownership.
22:17
Perhaps it's your schedule, career, direction, personal boundaries,
22:22
or daily habits.
22:24
Be specific about what needs to change and
22:26
change it.
22:28
Number 29, guys, take one practical step toward
22:31
reclaiming your decision-making power.
22:34
You don't need to transform everything overnight.
22:36
Start with one thoughtful choice that demonstrates your
22:41
growing independence.
22:43
Number 30, own your choices because your life
22:48
deserves your leadership.
22:50
And you have a right to live it
22:51
the way you want.
22:53
Other people may offer guidance, support, and perspectives.
22:57
But you must participate actively in directing and
23:01
shaping your own future.
23:03
You're the captain of your ship.
23:06
People may tell you they want to take
23:08
a different way, but you're the one.
23:09
You're the pilot.
23:10
You're the captain.
23:12
Now here's your Saturday challenge.
23:14
Are you ready for your Saturday challenge?
23:16
Not an easy one.
23:17
Identify one decision you've been allowing someone else
23:20
to control.
23:21
Maybe you've been agreeing to unnecessary commitments.
23:25
Maybe you're delaying a goal because someone doesn't
23:28
approve.
23:29
Or maybe you've forgotten to ask yourself what
23:33
you genuinely want.
23:34
Take a moment to consider your values, your
23:37
responsibilities, and the people affected by your decision.
23:40
Then take one respectful, constructive step toward reclaiming
23:47
ownership and your power.
23:49
Remember, ladies and gentlemen, taking control isn't about
23:52
controlling everybody else.
23:55
It's about becoming more intentional with your own
23:58
choices, the actions, and the behavior that you
24:01
put forward.
24:03
And we're just getting started, guys.
24:06
Today is about owning it.
24:09
Tomorrow, we'll be exploring knowing your worth, something
24:13
a lot of people forget.
24:15
Because recognizing your personal value is essential to
24:18
making confident decisions.
24:20
Monday, we'll dive into thinking clearly and examining
24:24
how emotional pressure can influence your judgment.
24:27
Tuesday, we'll set up priorities and stop giving
24:30
everything our time and energy that doesn't deserve
24:32
it.
24:33
Wednesday, we'll get into taking responsibility seriously and
24:37
turning our intentions into action.
24:38
Thursday, we'll move into protecting our power through
24:41
healthy boundaries and sustainable habits.
24:45
Friday, we'll finish up with living with integrity.
24:49
By bringing everything full circle together and aligning
24:52
our actions with our core values.
24:56
Seven days, seven very powerful lessons.
25:00
One goal for the whole week, the master
25:03
topic, stop giving your power away.
25:08
And take back control.
25:11
You're not unkind because you want your power
25:16
back.
25:17
Ladies and gentlemen, I am John C.
25:21
Morley, serial entrepreneur and a lot more.
25:23
I thank you so much for choosing to
25:26
join me today on the ever-popular Inspirations
25:29
for Your Life show.
25:32
I know these topics this week are very
25:34
deep.
25:34
And there's some that a lot of you
25:36
are going to just want to kick under
25:38
a rug.
25:40
I can't tell you not to do that
25:42
or to do that.
25:43
But that's only going to make your life
25:44
better.
25:45
So I hope you'll be able to face
25:47
this.
25:47
Because if you don't face this, this problem
25:50
is going to keep coming back again and
25:52
again and again.
25:53
We've learned before in the universe, when we
25:55
don't learn a lesson, the lesson keeps coming
25:57
back for us to relearn again.
26:01
Remember, ladies and gentlemen, this is really important.
26:05
You do not need everyone else's permission to
26:11
make a thoughtful decision about your future.
26:15
If you live your life in that mode,
26:18
you're never going to enjoy life.
26:21
You're never going to experience bliss.
26:23
And I think that's the real problem.
26:25
Because you're trying to be a people pleaser
26:27
your whole life.
26:27
I'm not saying not to be nice people.
26:30
But don't let every action be about pleasing
26:34
someone else.
26:36
You're a person too.
26:38
And you deserve to be pleased, don't you?
26:41
Sure you do.
26:42
So why don't we start doing that today?
26:46
We'll have a lot less regret.
26:48
So you don't need everyone else's permission to
26:52
make a thoughtful decision about your future.
26:54
Remember, ladies and gentlemen, honor your responsibilities.
27:01
Honor your integrity.
27:04
Believe in your ability to grow.
27:11
And most importantly, ladies and gentlemen, own your
27:16
choices.
27:17
Not the ones someone else is trying to
27:20
put into your mind.
27:22
Your own choices.
27:24
Your own desires.
27:25
Your own goals.
27:27
Your own passions.
27:30
That align with your own core values.
27:34
And if some people don't like it, tough.
27:39
I've always said you can do whatever you
27:41
want in life as long as you don't
27:42
harm or hurt another person.
27:46
Whether it be physically, mentally, spiritually, etc.
27:52
That's important.
27:54
Really, really important.
27:57
And most importantly, when I say own your
27:59
choices, think about what you're doing.
28:01
You are the captain of your ship every
28:03
day.
28:03
Stay driven.
28:04
Keep growing, ladies and gentlemen.
28:06
And you know what?
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I'm going to see you on another show
28:08
tomorrow.
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Be well, everyone, and take care.
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you