Latest / TWRS-Leadership Straight, No Chaser / Why Discipline Alone Isn't Enough for Personal Growth
Transcript
- Alena Candova: I think the the shortest qu answer to that is I got broken. I pushed and pushed and pushed through life and I had strategy and I was a discipline and you know I would use willpower to kind of override the deeper patterns that were creating stress in my life until strength and discipline weren't enough. And it's like they push and they fall and they push and they fall and then they need longer time to recover. Scott: So if you think about it, a lot of us try to work through things and then we feel like we get through it and then we get stuck again because we have things that we haven't gotten through. Welcome back to Together We Are Stronger, Leadership Straight, No Chasers. And tonight we have Dr. Elena Candova on with us. And Elena, Dr. Elena, when we were looking, you had highlighted that you did your own work. It seemed like it was working for you, and then all of a sudden you're like, this is not working. I'm stuck. It just seems like I'm spinning my wheels in mud and I'm not moving forward. And so what was it for you that really caught your attention? And you're like, something's gotta change. I've got to figure this out. And when I look at other individuals, this is something that they're stuck with. So if I can figure it out for myself, I can give a framework to somebody else to help them overcome becoming unstuck. Alena Candova: Hm, yeah. and I I think the the shortest qu answer to that is I got broken. I pushed and pushed and pushed through life and I had strategy and I was a discipline and you know I would use willpower to kind of override the deeper patterns that were creating stress in my life until strength and discipline weren't enough. And I was on my knees and I realized that I needed to to do something else, to do something different. Scott: I I find that unique because you always hear a lot of people are like, Hey, you just have to have discipline. You just need to figure out and if you have the discipline, it's gonna show up. But your story, there's a lot of individuals that are like, I'm so disciplined, but it just doesn't seem like it wants to click. I'm stuck, I've tried different things, and it's just not working. And then people throw their hands up and then they're like, Well, I don't know what to do. Let me stay stuck. I'm angry, I'm upset. And I just don't know what to do. and so one of the things that you'd highlighted was the nervous system along with the subconscious wiring. And it's a very interesting thing because we talk about the conscious mind, the subconscious is really the operating system that a lot of us don't realize is there. And so when you talk about that correlation between the nervous system and the subconscious wiring. Where are people missing and what is it that's really causing them to get stuck because of what they're missing? Alena Candova: Yeah, yeah. The subconscious I think most of us understand that it drives majority of our lives. It's the autopilot that's behind the driver, driver, in a driver's seat. What most of us don't know is how to actually work at that level of our mind, right? Which is also the level of our neurobiology. And so you pointed out that I speak about subconscious and the nervous system. And so so the nervous system for me It's actually the bridge to our subconscious mind. Because we can use or we can work with our nervous system to access these subconscious programs that are continuously kind of preventing us from being able to achieve our goals, right? Like I I spent years with strategy and discipline, and yet I would kind of default always back to that deeply ingrained pattern within myself. Until I s until I learned that I can actually start mapping my subconscious patterns through understanding how they expressed through my nervous system. And d this brings me to talk about working with the body. I look back and I would roll my eyes at people that would say you have to work with the body, because I'm like, well no, this is a mind, this is mind work. Personal development is all about changing your mind. But I didn't understand that how we feel, how we think, and therefore how we behave is driven by the state of our nervous system. Okay, and so I'll just touch sh Shortly on that or try to be as brief as possible so listeners can understand where I'm going with this. The autonomic nervous system has two branches, and we all know this. It's the branch of the parasympathetic nervous system in which we feel relaxed, we can sleep well, our body is repairing and healing, we feel open minded, we've we have access to creativity and problem solving. A lot of people will experience this when they shower, for example. Right? they have all these aha moments when they in these moments of relaxation. That's whole nervous system state. And then the other branch of the nervous system is the one that helps us survive, that survival-driven branch, which then manifests as the famous fight, flight, or freeze. Okay. And when we start to understand that we can actually map our behaviors to the state of our nervous system, then we can start to work at that level. And so for example, fight. State will look like me being argumentative and defensive in a in a conflict or conversation. Flight will look like me just taking off and overworking and hiding behind work because I don't wanna phase the conversation. And freeze will look like numbing. I'll I just I'll I'll go into hiding. I won't want to have that conversation. I may emotionally eat. I just try to numb that emotional activation that's happening because of that subconscious program being triggered and awakened. So I'll try to dampen that down. Scott: It's it's a very interesting thing 'cause you talk about open mindedness and when a a lot of this goes back to like kids. Like we grow up, we start taking on the beliefs of others. the teacher's like, Hey, quit daydreaming, put that box up, don't worry about it anymore, give it up. And then a lot of people become adults and they wanna go do something. But then they've lost that spirit because of what happened as a kid. And one of the things there was another guest we had on, we were talking about the power of curiosity. And so because you've talked about the nervous system, those pieces there. So it sounds like what's going on internally kinda will drive and say, We're not gonna check out curiosity, we're not gonna tap into this. Because of what you're storing, whatever you're holding on inside. And I know part of your background is being a chiropractor. And there's some people that like they'll hear people talk about chiropractic work and they're like, no, that's crazy. George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Scott: But the th the fact that it's releasing things and you listen to your body differently as a chiropractor when you're working with individuals. So what we're getting here is it's a lot of this inner peace that we haven't faced and we grow up and now we don't want to go and look at it because maybe we don't have the emotional maturity, the mental tenacity to go face something that held us back because we're scared of what we're gonna discover. But that is one that a lot of people don't wanna face because it takes it takes work. And so for yourself, because you talked about working with high achievers and you see a lot of leaders getting stuck. And that's one that there's keys out here. It's just people need to listen. People need to be in the moment and pay attention. And so where do you see with a lot of leaders? And I would say they're they're very high A type individuals. But then they have this trauma, the wounds internally. Where is that correlation with a lot of these individuals and what's keeping them stuck because of repressing things? Alena Candova: Mm-hmm. And it's that fact of repressing things. You you got that exactly right. Like we have not been taught how to go inward and face those repressed things of oftentimes, as you pointed out, our childhood. in in our world here in West, emotions have bad reputation. Right? Like we taught to toughen up, to be strong, to be logical. and so a huge, huge part of this work is really understanding what that inner work entails and understanding that or how to work with that unprocessed emotions. Okay, and I break it down into really scientific way because when I started to work at that som with that somatic component with my clients, I felt so much resistance. Myself including. Like when I when I started to work with my nervous system in my body, I didn't want to feel anything because We have built walls around those uncomfortable, overwhelming feelings as children. So, of course, we're not gonna want to lean in to that world. And so when people start to understand what's actually happening behind the emotion, and when they understand what they need to do for their system and for their mind, for their body, for their nervous system and for their mind to be more. To build more capacity to hold that internal activation and that inner discomfort, then that whole inner work process becomes much more easier. Okay, and so first, first, the first thing I always say: understand that your behavioral pattern is not part of your identity and it's just it's just an expression of your nervous system not feeling safe for whatever Scott: Mm-hmm. Alena Candova: reason. And then get into the practice. Of regulating your nervous system on a daily basis because what you're doing with that essentially you're creating more capacity for your body and your mind to feel safer to start leaning into these suppressed moments and suppressed emotions so they can resolve and those subconscious patterns can be updated. And then George R Dovolis: Well. Alena Candova: when we speak about emotions, a lot of the t a lot of the times people don't understand that that activation in the body that that when we get triggered and we start to feel angry or frustrated George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Alena Candova: or or scared, that's a neurobiological chemical reaction of the nervous system, just releasing hormones and neurotransmitters to help us either fight the danger or flee or go into this numb state so we don't feel the pain. And so when they start to understand that there is a physiological reaction that body is activating because there is a subconscious pattern that's triggering this I'm not safe response, then it's easier to start working with that pattern. Scott: Mm-hmm. So one of our partners that we have is ADP. And if you as a business owner are running your business and you don't like the back end, payroll, compliance, HR, reach out to ADP. That is their zone of genius to really make sure that you can focus on what you do best to take care of your clients. And then the back end is taken care of because if that's not taken care of, your nervous system is gonna be out of whack. And so really talk to them, reach out. There will be a link in the show notes to schedule your call with them. so the the aspect you talked about not feeling safe. It's very interesting because we talk about comfort zones, and a lot of people don't want to push their comfort zone because of that psychological safety factor. But the item a lot of people don't realize is they actually hold themselves back. Yeah, it may feel comfortable, may feel good, but life is actually on the other side. And that's where growth happens. That's where everything that you're trying to get after is there. But because psychologically your body's like, no, I don't feel safe. Let me hold you back and stay in this little blanket here, you miss out. And so what do people get wrong when it comes to the comfort zone thinking that they're gonna be okay? Let me stay put and let me not risk it. And then what do they miss out on because they have this mis idea of the aspect of a comfort zone? Alena Candova: Yeah, I and I often think about it as in a terms of paralysis nearly, right? Because oftentimes the comfort zone is really not comfortable. You know, people stay in unhealthy work environment, in toxic relationships, just exactly because it's it's too scary to trust that it's better on the other side. And so the brain and the nervous system are all about the known, right? It f the our system finds safety. in the things that we know even though they are not comfortable. And so we like we miss out on life full stop because I cannot tell you how much more there is to tap in when we actually work our way out of that comfort zone. It's it's a lot of people don't actually even understand how much potential there is within themselves. And so And so I feel like I want to speak to a a common mistake that people do when they actually decide, when they master the courage and they decide they want to get out of that comfort zone, they try to force their way out. Right? And it's like they push and they fall and they push and they fall and then they need longer time to recover. And so this is this is one of the the huge, huge blocks in personal development that is happening at a level of mindset only. Because we all understand that yes, you need to get out of the comfort zone, but most of us don't understand how to get out of it in more gracious way. George R Dovolis: Wow, that's that's incredible. It's what what we talk about all the time, Scott and I talk about it, it's it's that comfort zone that people really like to be in, but it is, it's a stretch zone. And I think it, you know, and what brings this the the question I have is basically why do we give so much grace to people we love, but we give so little to ourselves? Alena Candova: That is such a powerful question. And I can take you on a little journey to my own personal experience. Where, you know, I spent years of working on myself and you know, I was on my spiritual journey. I was it was years into my deeper George R Dovolis: Yeah. Alena Candova: work. And I felt like, okay, I I felt braver to go to experience what seven day of silent meditation retreat is like. Okay, and I arrived and they had it really beautifully structured, probably because they understood what's going on at the level of the nervous system. And for the th first three days in the morning they would guide us to extend loving kindness to other people. And so on day one it was to our family, on day two it was to our friends, on day three it was to people that hurt us. And George, I sat there thinking, my gosh, I'm so advanced, this is so easy. yeah, I've done so much. Work on myself. George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: Now the day four, the instruction was now give that same loving kindness to yourself. And I still till today, and this is I don't know, 10 years ago, get goosebumps because I was met with so much resistance, I didn't understand where it was coming from. It was coming from my body, from my nervous system. And it was really shocking because on a conscious level I believed. that I loved myself. George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: Right. And what was even more shocking was that the whole room was cr in tears and just in the same com confusion as I was. And so the reason why this happens, why we are really finding it so difficult to love ourselves but and so easy to love others is because of that. adaptation mechanism that we all have as children. Right? we are living our first definitely seven years, but well into later adolescence with with a brain that's not fully developed. And so we're feeling all the emotions and chaos of the world and we are not understanding what's happening because our prefrontal cortex is not developed. And we have not lived long enough to understand more holistically. And so when something happens that's overwhelming or uncomfortable, where whether it may be Dad said that when he comes home and he's gonna play with me and then he comes home and he's just burned out and he's a little grumpy, I am going to internalize that and I'm gonna make it about myself. Right? Like I did something George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: wrong, he doesn't love me, it's my fault. And so a lot of the times what happens then we create a world in which we blame ourselves, we build walls, we disconnect from loving ourselves, we disconnect from our gifts, we disconnect from our authentic self, and we make sure that everyone around us is okay. Because if that's the world where everyone around me is okay, then I'm okay. Until George R Dovolis: Mm, yes. Alena Candova: it stops working, usually in midlife. George R Dovolis: Yes. That is so true. it's it's it's very tiring to please everybody and then you look in the mirror and it's like you're drained. Yeah, is that gave you the miracle to come up with your grace over grit book and just going through all that and want to just lay it out for people to understand? became an author. Alena Candova: Yeah, absolutely. It was a it was a huge part of it for sure, And then of course a clinical experience with working with people and recognizing the same difficulties in their journey, right? Like the same resistance to really going into working with those emotions and the nervous George R Dovolis: Yeah. Alena Candova: system. And so I've always been very intuitive but at the same time very scientific. So And I've always said, I feel like we have manual just about for everything, but I have personally never found a manual that outlines a comprehensive step by step method of working with our inner world. over the years I've seen and I've experienced all these beautiful modalities, but they so fragmented. You know, you go to hypnotherapist, you go to a somatic therapist. You go to breath work and they all touch a deep, deep part of us. And I I've I've seen that my clients would have really big breakthroughs in sessions, but then they failed to integrate them. And that that's Scott: Mm-hmm. Alena Candova: what happened to me after I left that meditation retreat. I left and I had this aha. And then as I started to get back to my life, it just the aha like it planted the seed, but I I had no idea how to integrate it. George R Dovolis: Wow. That's that's an incredible story. And and really trying to find yourself and where you're at. I I I take my own, you know, what I've been through and stuff like what I can see what you're talking about. going through the three days I got this. And then it really hits you when it's more personal and it's and it's and it's it's no one else but you. You know, you you have to answer yourself what's going on. I think that's just brilliant that, you know, you came back and really saw that you had some more chaos. You thought you were great until you came in and nothing was integrated into that. That's Alena Candova: Yeah. George R Dovolis: a brilliant way to take a look at it. Alena Candova: Yeah, thank you. Yeah, George R Dovolis: Yeah. Alena Candova: it's it's a common problem, I feel like we have a lot of knowledge and a lot of understanding. we have access to a lot of knowledge and understanding, but a George R Dovolis: Well. Alena Candova: lot of that is so fragmented. there's brilliant modalities out there, but when we don't understand how to actually work with our own system, it's going to be really, really hard to integrate that. Scott: Hmm. So right now, if you're getting nuggets from the videos, hit the like button. If you're looking for these types of videos, hit the subscribe button. And as you're listening, really, if you don't feel safe and that's what's causing you to have these shortcomings, what's your environment look like? Who you're surrounding yourself with, George R Dovolis: Mm. Scott: who you're listening to? Because that's gonna feed your mind. And so that's one of those big things like George and I talked about. You've got to look at who you're surrounding yourself with, who's in your circle. Because that will influence that environment that you're in. And Dr. Lena, you had highlighted the nervous system sets the ceiling for your potential. So Alena Candova: Yes. Scott: it's one of those things that as people are working, there was somebody that stated that every new level is a new devil. And so when we really think about it, because as we work, we're very complex creatures. And so once you get to a certain level, you have to do some different work, do some different things that will take you to that next level that probably is not what got you to this level here. And so when you talk about the nervous system actually setting the ceiling for your potential. What do you mean by that? And what are people missing out on when they're looking at trying to look at other things? They're like, if I go to this workshop, if I read this book, if I do XYZ, my potential's gonna unlock. But you're saying that the nervous system is kind of that capping of what happens for your potential? Alena Candova: yeah, absolutely. I I feel like this level of work is a a a depth. We going we're going deep, right? Like a lot some people will need to George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Alena Candova: talk to the therapist for years before they get to the place within themselves where they're ready to go deep because what we are ex essentially doing through this work, we are going through spiritual practices we call this an ego death. We're going through this in disintegration of our alt-conditioned or adaptive identity to the place where we can allow or our body, our nervous system feels safe enough to allow that authentic self that has all that potential and all these gifts to emerge. And so we can tap into these gifts. And so what I mean by the nervous system capping our potential is that. The fact that when we are living with these outdated, conditioned programs of many times of our childhood, our nervous system is living in this state of inner tension that we don't even realize that it's there because it's always been there. And so, on some level, I am not feeling safe enough to express my potential. You know, I it's there because when I expressed it as a child, for example, I was told I was. hallucinating or dreaming or whatever it might have been. I was told I'm making things up. And so we need to work it's it's it's a dance because it it's a process of working towards enough inner safety that we s can start to realize that yes, it's okay to be unique and it's okay to tap into something that we could maybe have never dreamt of or imagined before that level of inner safety. George R Dovolis: things down right now. This is good stuff. I'm telling you. You know, you know, when someone says I know better, but I keep doing the same thing, where do you begin that conversation? Alena Candova: Number one, change the relationship with that pattern. Because when they say usually I know better but I keep repeating it, it comes George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: with self criticism, right? they just beat themselves up. And so when we criticize ourselves for slipping back into these patterns that we consciously want to change, we are George R Dovolis: Yeah. Alena Candova: actually pushing our system deeper into protection. Because when you when you criticize anyone, they're gonna go into ooh defense, right? Like even though they may look open on the outside, there is tightening, there's tension in our system. And so we need to start changing the relationship with these patterns, knowing that that pattern exists to keep me safe. Why is it trying to protect me? What could this be about? Right? And so we start the inquiry with more curiosity, we spoke about curiosity's code, and with compassion because that program is probably tied to Our childhood. And so I want to really get curious about what's going on in my life. I'm gonna map that behavior. Where is it manifesting the most? And what could it be protecting me from? maybe it's protecting me from being vulnerable. Maybe it's protecting me from feeling like I am not going to be recognized if I stop pushing. And so we get George R Dovolis: Mm. Alena Candova: curious. But then the second layer is always. real daily nail nervous system regulation because again if I'm not helping my nervous system to revire if I'm not calming it intentionally every single day and getting in touch with my body then I can't progress because the progress comes from our body feeling safer. Right? And I want to say one more thing to this because what I'm seeing in today's personal development world, especially in leadership and business, is there's a lot of talk about nervous system regulation, but most people are using it as a a band-aid. They'll go for a meeting and they feel really stressed out before and so they do some deep breathing and they calm that physiological activation, they calm their nerves down. But what they are essentially doing, they regulating that pattern into silence. And what we need to start learning to do is learn how we can regulate our nervous system in a way that we actually allow that pattern to feel safe to express and we can hold that activation of that emotional trigger. Scott: Mm. George R Dovolis: what would you say to someone this going, if I stop being hard on myself, I'll lose my edge. You know, especially in and seriously in business, anything that you do in life. I mean, that's something, especially if you have someone who's a a high performance person, individual. If I don't be hard on myself, I'm gonna lose that edge. If I be soft, I'm gonna fall off or however they said that's it's something that I I came up with that question because it's it it's a lot of questions when people are on the on the go on the go all the time. Alena Candova: Yeah, and that on the go, on the go all the time means again that we don't have enough space in our life to f truly reflect and be honest with ourselves. And so it's kind of easy again, we're coming back to that comfort zone to be doing what we know to do, to be in this case hard on ourselves, right? Like this is what George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: I've been doing ever since I don't know, what whatever age. And so I always tell people this is a pattern Yeah, obviously there is a level of discipline and commitment to self-improvement, that's why you're being hard on yourself. That's never going George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: to go away. You don't have to worry that you're gonna lose it overnight. But start getting curious about what's actually happening at the at the level of your nervous system in that emotional world when you take a step back and you look kinder to yourself. Because if that creates internal discomfort, that means there is A lot of work to do. And that work needs George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Alena Candova: to be about being kinder with yourself. Right? Knowing that that discipline and that heart that that hard work is never going to evaporate. That's that's part of who you've been your whole life. You're just going to be able to apply it in the right way. George R Dovolis: That makes sense. Man, listeners, you're getting some nuggets out of this because I I know Scott and I are. it's just it is just awesome to hear something like this. And especially when you're in a firemark that it's compli it's always. in competition, you you gotta get the newest thing out, you gotta be on top of your game and everything else. And then that's when you start losing yourself in something and you know, you're losing what you're working for. You're basically just out there working away and next you know, you you sit back by yourself and like, man, I'm losing everything around me. And this is great information. Alena Candova: Yeah, yeah, thank you. Yeah, the process can definitely be really destabilizing and that's why we need to understand how to go through this systematically, right? It's a comprehensive George R Dovolis: Yeah. Alena Candova: approach because it will really destabilize who we believed most of our life that we are. But when we get through it, you know, on the other end there is so much more inner freedom and flow from which We all understand this because we experience those moments or states of flow. We have we are we have access to our potential. We have solutions to our problems. They just kind of drop in. And so imagine building something from that state, from that inner state, right? Like it's a totally different game to go to work George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: and and build build whatever it is that we're building from this state of inner ease and flow. Because when we are in this state of inner contraction, it's it's like we we live with this tunnel vision. We don't really see the opportunities because we are always looking for the next hard thing. Once that Scott: Mm. Alena Candova: opens, yeah, it's it's like magic. We start seeing all these opportunities and it becomes so fluid. Scott: So I'd gonna give another highlight to one of our other partners, Dr. Joey. And so George R Dovolis: Yes. Scott: if you're struggling and you're stuck at a hundred and fifty thousand to three million in revenue on your business and you've tried everything, gotta talk to Dr. Joey. If your team's struggling, there's something going on. So reach out to Dr. Joey. This is his driving force really to help small business owners increase their revenue because we know the more revenue you have as a business owner, the more you can do, the more you can go accomplish. And the more you can go build out and do big things. So if you're struggling, in the show notes, there'll be a link, schedule your car with Dr. Joey. Work to overcome that because more revenue you have as a business owner, the better off you are to do bigger and better things. And so it's it's such an interesting thing about the fear factor thing. really, we've George and I have talked about it. We we have the caveman brain still, where as a caveman, if you got kicked out of the tribe. It's done because Wolly Mammoth is gonna step on you, saber tooth tiger's gonna eat you. But in George R Dovolis: Yeah. Scott: today's day and age, we don't have that. But the aspect that a lot of people allow fear to drive the bus and then they miss out. And so you had talked about the whole contraction piece and then opening up and you start seeing opportunities, but the fact that we have this fear piece of, I've done it before, so what if it doesn't work again? And you start asking yourselves the wrong questions and you don't realize the power of the words that you speak, the verbiage that you use. And so where does fear come along in this whole piece when it comes to the nervous and I'm I'm gonna think it's probably that safety mechanism. you're getting away from Alena Candova: Exactly. Scott: feeling safe because this is what's helped you out. And so it's the fear of the unknown, the fear of what is over there if I move over there. I don't know it's over there, so I don't want to move, so let me stay here safe wise. It and so fear is one of those driving forces that's really affecting somebody. What are one or two things that they can do to really change it? Simple things that they can do to help switch it, not fight it, but really tap into it to use it as another mechanism to go explore. Alena Candova: Yeah, yeah, and that's a great question. You know, a lot of the times we'll hear things like just push through, like the more you do it, the easier it will become. Just just push through. And o yes, it's true, the more you do it, the easier it will it will become. But there is a shortcut, right? Which again starts with daily nervous system regulation, creating capacity and then understanding that okay, what's my fear? My fear is to go and do some public speaking, for example. So I'll do a little bit of that. Maybe I'll start in small groups. And instead of pushing myself, I go in and I feel nervous. I feel that activation. I feel that fear. And I'm aware that it's just my nervous system telling me that, ooh, this is not safe. And I consciously know that this is totally fine. I can talk to a group of people, right? And so I'm gonna practice, because this is going to be a practice, I'm going to practice. to allow that fear exist in my body while go and do that presentation rather than trying to quickly breathe that fear away, which is gonna make me feel calmer for that moment and then give the presentation. Right? there's nothing wrong with that emergency regulation, but if I really want to rewire or update that pattern, then I need to work with it. And so it's gonna feel really uncomfortable, but again we're going in compassionately with the understanding this is just an old program that sometimes I don't even need to understand where it came from. Right? I just need to feel that activation of it. And for some people that may be like a a knot in the gut or a pressure on the chest or or it will be sitting in a jaw or some people will hold their fist closed and I just watch it. I just watch it and and and I say to my body, I'm okay. This is nothing George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Alena Candova: A serious and I can feel this, right? And then maybe I'll take a couple of deep breaths so I can actually open my mouth and say something. But I'm now not regulating that activation, that feeling away. I'm just helping my system to feel a little bit more at ease while I'm allowing that fear to exist. George R Dovolis: Alright, I got a good one for ya. Alena Candova: Okay. George R Dovolis: If you can go sit with the woman you were before Bally, what would you want her to hear? Alena Candova: That's a good one. Yeah. I would the words would be don't be so hard on yourself. Hundred percent. Because I was always so hard on myself. And that's what I knew as a child, you know, like you you crying? I'll give you something to cry about. That would be the language at home, you know. And I never considered myself I know never considered myself as a traumatizer. George R Dovolis: Yeah. Alena Candova: Child, but it's it's when I feel like we all carry some wounding no matter how beautiful our childhood was. Because it just comes from lack of understanding, right? It it comes from those moments where we feel like we cannot be ourselves. We have to please the others. We have to make sure that mom that's really tired now, she's not gonna get triggered. So I'm not gonna ask for what I need, I'm just gonna stifle that need and I'm gonna be a good girl. George R Dovolis: That's amazing. You know, I always ask this question, Scott knows. When when everything is good to go and your life is done, what type of legacy do you want to leave behind? What do you want people to know who you were? Alena Candova: Yeah, that's a that's also a powerful question. Legacy. I've I like inner freedom is are the two words that come come come to mind because George R Dovolis: Yeah. Alena Candova: I feel like if I was thought of the the the human being that that taught people how to tap into the sense of inner freedom, you know, I I often think that that would change so much in the world. We have so much war, for example. If we were not If we were all not living from this state of survival and we were living George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: from this state of inner alignment, that that would shift everything. George R Dovolis: I would. For someone who's listening tonight, if who feels overwhelmed, what is one practice you suggest and how they can recognize it that if it's helping or not? Alena Candova: Overwhelm. Placing a hand anywhere on the body because we we practicing getting in touch with that nervous system, taking a couple of deep deep breaths, and just trying to start to shift that relationship, right? Like where is that overwhelm coming from? What can I change to feel a little more at ease? Right? Maybe people are feeling overwhelmed because they put too much on their own plate. George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: And so can I start saying no? Right? Can I start setting boundaries? Or maybe they feeling overwhelmed because they feel like they need to be in control of everything, because if they not, then things get done in a way that they don't agree with. And so again, like the overwhelm feeling is already overwhelming, but to work through it, George R Dovolis: Yes. Alena Candova: we have to learn how to hold that activation again, right? So holding Hand on a chest, for example, hand hand on a belly, breathing, and then going in through situations that are overwhelming, and just allowing myself to get familiar with that feeling and knowing that this is actually absolutely normal for my body to feel and go through with. And I maybe one thing that will be helpful, I'm sure, because it helped me and it's helping everyone I'm working with is Jill Dr. Jill Bolta Taylor wrote a book called My Stroke of Insight. And so she had a stroke, it it affected one part of her brain, it was the left part of her brain. So she basically lived some months just with access to her right part of the brain, which is all about this freedom and creativity, and and she mapped the life cycle of an emotion. Okay, and so she says that when when we get triggered. When this overwhelm activates, George R Dovolis: Mm-hmm. Alena Candova: if we just allow to if we allow ourselves to sit with it instead of trying to like a lot of the times people will go and they'll think I shouldn't be feeling like this, I don't want be feeling like this, da da da, it just mentally kind of goes on and on and on. And what that does, it will reactivate that emotional cycle. And so if I feel that overwhelm and I remember, okay. My nervous system is being triggered. Let me allow for that overwhelm to be fully expressed. Let my body, my nervous system to go through that full cycle, and it's going to oftentimes take about 90 seconds maximum. And so what I say, sit with that overwhelm. Allow your body to go through that. Don't think that you shouldn't be feeling like that. Don't try to stop it. If it gets too much. Because we don't wanna re-traumatize anyone. If it really gets too much, then just open your eyes, put your hands on your body, touch something familiar, look around, take a couple of deep breaths, and know that you are exactly where you need to be at a level of internal safety, and you can revisit with that cycle the next time it activates. George R Dovolis: That was deep. Scott: So if individuals wanted to go deeper with you, Doctor Elena, what are some resources that are available for them to go check out and get more information? Alena Candova: Everything is on my website, which is sattvaintegralhealth.com. There's a book that I wrote, which is basically a manual to our subconscious world, and you know it talks about how we are programmed and how to start working and deconstructing these programs from the nervous system all the way through to working with the mental stuff. And the book is called Grace Over Grit: the Neuroscience of Claiming Your Inner Authority. People can work directly with me because we all have blind spots. I tend to see the deeper layers. I guide people through one-on-one sessions, which then are integrated through an online program. That's all part of the primary program I work with. For those that may not want to go as deep but would like to integrate the work they have already done, there is a self-guided online program they can take at their own pace. So everything is on my website it's super easy. For those that like to read articles, they can follow me on LinkedIn and what else. And when they get to my website and they're curious and they want to ask questions before they get in touch with me, there's a great AI concierge that will answer just about everything and it will do it perfectly. Scott: Awesome. Yeah, no, we'll have it in the show notes so it's easy to find for individuals as you're listening. So but we appreciate everyone coming on the journey with us. If you're looking for these types of videos, hit the subscribe George R Dovolis: Yes. Thank you. Scott: button. And if you're stuck, you really gotta ask yourself, are you giving yourself compassion? And are you curious? Because curiosity is gonna open up for you to go explore. but are you being gentle with yourself because that's gonna be a lot easier than trying to force it and fight it by saying no. Let me be hard on myself. So other than that, we appreciate you guys coming on and we'll catch you on the next episode. George R Dovolis: Thank you.