Latest / Come Together with Ephraim Herschmann / Psychology Series 11: Joey Toledano BCBA/ ABA Therapy / Behavior and B.F. Skinner / Education
Transcript
- 0:01Welcome to another episode of Come Together
- 0:15Joey. Pop in the podcast Cherry.
- 0:18Yeah. We're talking about, so I don't
- 0:22get, I do get nervous, but my degree of nervousness changes
- 0:27based on how confident I am in my particular skill.
- 0:31So I'm very confident with my words and my ideas.
- 0:35So I'm not too worried about public speaking.
- 0:37You know, I may, I'd be nerve wracking getting up in front of
- 0:40a lot of people. But like my on a, on a, on a
- 0:43foundational level, like I'm not insecure about the about
- 0:47presenting information when I go to open mics, I play guitar, I'm
- 0:50way more insecure and I'm way more rigid and like I'm not
- 0:54confident in my singing or my guitar playing as much.
- 0:57So it's a different type of nervous.
- 1:00It's like, am I good enough nervous as opposed to like, oh,
- 1:02there's just a lot of people nervous.
- 1:03I think this is obviously me being a behavior analyst, this,
- 1:06this, I look at things like how, how behavior works, right?
- 1:09That's like, that's my, my automatic thing.
- 1:11And it's like, how motivated are you for the outcome that you're
- 1:17going to push through? The hard part that that.
- 1:20Aversive like I don't want I don't want to do this, I don't
- 1:25want to do this so like I think that's what it comes down to so
- 1:28there's. No video, we just volume it now.
- 1:30We'll take the video after for a real.
- 1:32Yeah, no way. I'm not that nervous, only a
- 1:37little bit. Yeah, I'm not.
- 1:39Yeah, go ahead. That's how I think that's in
- 1:41general how behavior works like. Yeah, his motivation.
- 1:46His motivation, we could go into the whole thing for the Ebcs,
- 1:50which is. What?
- 1:53We're we're so just a little background.
- 1:57I'm a behavior analyst or certified behavior analyst.
- 2:00That's my like certification did.
- 2:02You have to go to college with that.
- 2:03Yeah, I have a masters in applied behavior analysis, OK.
- 2:06And I'm actually adjunct professor.
- 2:08Really. Or ABA.
- 2:09No way. I'm so jealous.
- 2:11I always wanted to be an adjunct professor.
- 2:12I'm an adjunct high school teacher, but that's not the same
- 2:14thing. Well, before, before I actually
- 2:18had my masters, I used to teach elementary school, middle
- 2:21school, yeah, also part time. You walk out every day
- 2:26exhausted, but you're like, I can do this again.
- 2:28Yeah, that's a great way to describe it.
- 2:29And that's what I think. That's what like shows you like,
- 2:32OK, this is this is, this is your calling.
- 2:34If you could walk out exhausted but say I'll call you back
- 2:37tomorrow. Yeah.
- 2:37You know. That's a great, that's a great
- 2:39way to describe it. There's a big there's a big
- 2:43thing over there, an adjunct professor.
- 2:47Everyone's like, why? Sorry, there's no money in it,
- 2:50but. It's not about money, it's fun.
- 2:52It's like setting up the next generation of of students that
- 2:58are going to become behavior analysts and showing them and
- 3:03you know, whatever, we'll touch on this a little bit later, but
- 3:08there's obviously some in every field.
- 3:11There's some I don't know. In other words, I hate push
- 3:16back. And some of it is rightfully so.
- 3:20And the idea is to minimize that.
- 3:22We push back in terms of what? So this is jumping ahead, but
- 3:27like it's very easy to become have a rigid way of thinking,
- 3:31Yes and behaviour analysis. Oh, OK, gotcha.
- 3:34But in that world, behaviour analysis, is that similar to how
- 3:36like, let's say you go to a, let's say a doctor that
- 3:43specializes in MSK stuff and then you tell him, I have this,
- 3:46this kind of pain. He's going to only look at it
- 3:48through his particular lens of specialty.
- 3:50And it could be a jet, it could be something else, but he's not
- 3:53looking at it like that. So it's hard to think outside
- 3:55the box he's used to. Is that the what kind of thing
- 3:57you're describing? I wasn't describing that, but
- 3:59there's some very much a lot of validity to that.
- 4:02Because so what's your? What's your particular case?
- 4:04So let let me like go big background on the science.
- 4:08Sure, a lot of people know ABA as like autism therapy, OK.
- 4:13And now that's not at all what it was or what it is.
- 4:16Are you familiar with BF Skinner?
- 4:19Yeah, OK. Yeah.
- 4:20Sure. So he's the father, and we look
- 4:22at him as the father of ABA or behavior analysis.
- 4:26He was a radical behaviorist. What made him a radical
- 4:31behaviorist? Well, what made him a
- 4:33behaviorist is he looked at behavior, it's controllable what
- 4:37happens before it and what happens after it.
- 4:40OK, what made him the radical behaviorist, and I hope I'm
- 4:43right, you know this understanding.
- 4:45And obviously, sure there may be those that argue, but the way
- 4:51him a radical behaviorist is that he believed thoughts in
- 4:54what we call internal events or private events is also a
- 4:59behavior which is controlled by what happens before and
- 5:01afterwards. When you say OK, is that does
- 5:05thoughts equal intentions or just any kind of like head, like
- 5:09you know anything that's going on in your head?
- 5:10So because I know the contentions would brings people
- 5:14closer or further from an action, right?
- 5:16If I said something that made you feel bad, like I really
- 5:18didn't mean that, I'm sorry. You knowing that I didn't intend
- 5:20for that changes the behave, changes the outcome of the
- 5:23behavior. So I want to, I want to ask you
- 5:26that what do you consider a behavior?
- 5:28And then I want to give what BF Skinner definition?
- 5:31Behavior, I guess, would be a physical manifestation of a
- 5:35drive would be a physical manifestation of a drive of some
- 5:39sort. It could be a conscious drive.
- 5:41It could be an unconscious drive.
- 5:42It could be a productive drive. It could be unproductive.
- 5:45Dr. You know, like it could be, but like first something and
- 5:47then behavior is the is taking that drive and your body's doing
- 5:53something about it. So and that's that's how most
- 5:58people look at it, right? People look at it as an actual
- 6:00what I see is a behavior like that's what it is.
- 6:04But coming from the F Skinner and the the science of behavior
- 6:08analysis, the science is called behavior analysis.
- 6:11Yeah. Now there's different parts, but
- 6:13coming from him, let me just go through the parts of behavior
- 6:16analysis. Sure.
- 6:17There's there's behaviorism, There's yeah, which is like more
- 6:20the philosophical side of like things is experimental, which is
- 6:26experimenting and like testing it out.
- 6:28There's the applied which takes that experimental and applies
- 6:31it, the setting. And then there's the practice,
- 6:34which people are more familiar with the practice and, and some
- 6:38of the applied there most people are familiar with the last part,
- 6:42which is, which is the practice of things.
- 6:44So they since it's based on the science, I'm going to show the
- 6:47connection. Why, Yeah, we have to do with
- 6:49each other what they have to do with each other.
- 6:51So now obviously there's a philosophy like people think
- 6:53like I think the behavior is having happening.
- 6:56Actually, let me jump back a step.
- 6:57I know. It's so far, we're doing great
- 7:00so far. To be a Skinner, what made him a
- 7:01radical behaviorist is he believed thoughts itself is a
- 7:05behavior. OK.
- 7:07And what we tell our students and what I learned in college
- 7:09from our professors is the dead man test.
- 7:14Can a dead man do it right? A dead man could do it.
- 7:16It's not behavior. Lying on the ground is not
- 7:18behavior, right? Because a dead man could do it
- 7:20right. So getting a cup of wine, can a
- 7:25dead man do it? No, No.
- 7:28So thoughts, can a dead man do it right?
- 7:32They can't do it right. So it's a behavior.
- 7:35The tricky part with with with with, with thoughts is that we
- 7:40can't see it right. So, and when we're talking about
- 7:44a science, we're focused on data.
- 7:46Yeah. Because we're we're a science
- 7:48here. Analysis is a science.
- 7:50It's not a therapy. Now we'll talk about the therapy
- 7:53afterwards, but it's derived from the science.
- 7:55So the science part is data-driven, testing it out and
- 8:00experimenting. It's all database.
- 8:02So the problem is you can't ignore EF.
- 8:07Skinner's thing was you can't ignore the thoughts because that
- 8:12in itself is a behavior, but you also have to be able to take
- 8:15data on it or how So how are you going to do that?
- 8:19That's the part of the Skinner. That's what makes him a radical
- 8:21behaviorist. His he he he's looked at like as
- 8:25a competition to, to Freud. Really.
- 8:28Yeah, it's it's too, it's like, it's psychology, but two
- 8:33different thoughts in psychology.
- 8:34OK, I can't say I'm an expert in Freud and his his teachings and
- 8:39stuff like that, but his things is more.
- 8:41Subconscious. Subconscious and all that.
- 8:44Yeah, well, we have skinners and they're like, no, you want to
- 8:47change behavior. You have to change your
- 8:48behavior. Even a thought.
- 8:51If you're having thoughts that you all want to have, you got to
- 8:53look at it from behavioral lens and change it behaviorally.
- 8:58Right. There's a, there's a book that I
- 9:01read called Chatter by guy Ethan Cross, the doctor Ethan Cross, I
- 9:05met, I heard, I heard about him on Huberman's, I heard him on
- 9:08Huberman's podcast and I bought the book chatters about the
- 9:11voices in your head. And how do we direct?
- 9:14Like they're up to our like we can, we can direct them, you
- 9:17know, and so like, if something in the back of someones head is
- 9:20I'm stressed out, I can't do this.
- 9:21There's ways to tangibly that's he said, why kids when they run
- 9:24around and kids repeat a process out loud.
- 9:27So for example, if they were to say like Shua, my son used to
- 9:30like, you know, OK, now go throw this chocolate wrap out in the
- 9:33garbage, like throw it in the garbage.
- 9:34And like while he's while he's saying that out loud, while he's
- 9:36throwing it out. And that's reinforcing that
- 9:39thought in his head. And that's all part of like, I
- 9:43guess the extension, like that's the voice in his head.
- 9:45And I guess you're saying that could be an extension of his
- 9:46behavior? You know that just to get
- 9:48distracted a little bit by the story.
- 9:50Yeah. But what happens is as a young
- 9:54child, yeah, they're going to repeat that to themselves.
- 9:57The next step is they do it quieter and quieter and quieter.
- 10:00So we're technically doing it to ourselves, but we're not doing
- 10:03it out. Loud, but it still works.
- 10:04When you say it out loud, like when I'm jogging and I like this
- 10:07is fine, I got this, I got this, I got this.
- 10:08If I say on the jog, this is tough, this is tough, I'm going
- 10:11to stop. You know, like I have to think
- 10:14to myself, today I was in jujitsu and I'm by far the
- 10:17worst. There's only three guys there.
- 10:19I'm by far the worst. And it's a great learning
- 10:21experience because I get I really am humbled very often.
- 10:24And and this guy had me and I'm and I'm right there and I'm
- 10:29thinking to myself, I got to tap out and I think to myself, let
- 10:31me just look at the clock and I see that there's 15 seconds.
- 10:34Like I got to figure out a way to last 15 seconds.
- 10:36And like 15 seconds when you're seeing stars is a long time.
- 10:40But like I had to think, but I kept on saying in my head
- 10:43thinking out, you know, 15 seconds, 14 seconds and that
- 10:47reinforcement and that like redirecting of rather than
- 10:50focusing on I can't breathe, I'm focusing on 10 seconds left
- 10:54changed everything, right? Because and it's working.
- 10:57I don't know. The idea is, and you'll see
- 11:00there is some overlap between behaviour and analysts, which is
- 11:03like, say the certification I have and social workers will put
- 11:07different terms to the same thing.
- 11:08Oh yeah. That seems ineffective,
- 11:11confusing. It seems ineffective, but you
- 11:14can only see it if you come to this, to the table together and
- 11:16collaborate, right, Which is also going back to what you said
- 11:19when a doctor only sees something through their lens,
- 11:22right. The way to expand your lens is
- 11:23by collaborating, right? And listening to others.
- 11:25Yeah. So we were talking about BF
- 11:29Skinner. And so it, the thought in
- 11:32psychology was Freud for many years, something in the 1800s,
- 11:36he came along and that's what he introduced that.
- 11:39Yeah, there was obviously Pavlov and and those things.
- 11:43So BF Skinner came around in the 1900s.
- 11:46It's a relatively new science and obviously.
- 11:50Most of this stuff is. Most of this stuff is but
- 11:53comparing 1800s Freud. Yeah.
- 11:55To 1900s Skinner. You know, I had professors that
- 11:59saw Skinner. Alive, yeah.
- 12:01So yeah, you know, it's cool. I don't have professors that saw
- 12:04Freud. A lot, yeah.
- 12:04Yeah. You know what?
- 12:05I mean, so it's, it's pretty new.
- 12:12It makes it greater. Is it make it greater that's
- 12:14newer? Is that what you're asking?
- 12:17Yeah. Like it's, it's a more like he
- 12:21has all the context of Freud and then comes to his own
- 12:24conclusions that are separate from Freud.
- 12:27Like he's building on the information.
- 12:30Well, there's something to that because he he's not saying like
- 12:33this is my novel idea. When someone comes out with a
- 12:35novel idea and they're not aware of similar or other things,
- 12:41they're not really building on that.
- 12:42Yeah. They're just saying that that
- 12:43doesn't exist. Yeah.
- 12:45Which there's no one right way. I, I just, I really don't think
- 12:48I agree with that, that there's different times, different
- 12:51things may be more applicable. And, and, and if you know what's
- 12:56what came before you, you could build on that, right.
- 12:58So even even I see it as a science, you know, progresses
- 13:01over the years, even the the years that I've been certified
- 13:05or I've been involved in the science, I've seen it, you know,
- 13:10take steps like, OK, we took this data point and we're adding
- 13:14we're going to build on that data.
- 13:15We're going to build on that research.
- 13:17Often times I look at research studies and the question is, who
- 13:21were they coding? Did anybody ever do this before?
- 13:24No one did this before. So we got to replicate it.
- 13:27That's that's that's the next step.
- 13:29Yeah. So I think there's something to
- 13:30say with with BF scanner coming years later and saying this
- 13:34forty thing I don't think is working out.
- 13:36Let's try this, this behavior thing.
- 13:39OK, So, you know, that's the radical behaviorist part.
- 13:43That's why he gets that title, because he believes internal or
- 13:46private events are also part of behavior, also considered
- 13:49behavior. And the reason why they don't
- 13:52get so much attention even now is because because they're hard
- 13:58to measure. And if you're data-driven,
- 14:00you're science, you're data-driven.
- 14:01That's the way. That's what science is supposed
- 14:03to be. How?
- 14:04How could you would you say that like can you tell someone to
- 14:09capture their thoughts or write down their thoughts when
- 14:11prompted a certain way or presented a certain scenario
- 14:13situation and then try to like, like I know when I did, when I
- 14:17took second college, I had to participate in, you know,
- 14:20research studies and a lot of this stuff.
- 14:23I don't even know what I was participating in.
- 14:25Looking back, I'm like, oh, this makes sense.
- 14:26Like, you know, this professor has 400 students and like he's,
- 14:29and he's asking what we see, you know, what our associations are
- 14:32with, you know, whenever we see this picture of that thing or
- 14:34whatever, like that's a really great pool of data.
- 14:36If he does that for foreign students every semester, then he
- 14:39has after two years he has he has 2000 students that he could
- 14:42that he could draw from. I mean, often times I'm looking
- 14:45at the Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, you know,
- 14:48Java or you know, journal experimental behavior analysis.
- 14:51And often times a lot of studies are done with students,
- 14:53students, because that's easy at this point.
- 14:56And it's and you want to, you know, a real, a real science and
- 15:00real data is, is with control groups and with, you know, so to
- 15:05speak, blind studies. So you want to.
- 15:10Explain what that is for anyone that doesn't know what control
- 15:12groups blind study how that stuff works.
- 15:14Yeah, there's, there's obviously different ways to do it.
- 15:18That's a that's a whole college class in itself.
- 15:20But obviously there's different designs.
- 15:22Something about ABA also is we, we wanted to focus on single
- 15:27subject designs. OK, the idea was that not to do
- 15:33like a group of people and do like percentage.
- 15:35No, let's do each participant and date their data and see how
- 15:41how it. Progresses so like giving them
- 15:43each. So let's say we have four people
- 15:45here. Yeah, instead of just putting
- 15:46them in a pool and just mounting all the data together and just
- 15:50saying out of four people, have three people or two people were
- 15:55successful in this. Yeah, here's four people.
- 15:58Person A was success was when we put in this intervention was
- 16:03successful. Person B was when we put in this
- 16:05intervention was successful. Person C wasn't successful.
- 16:10This is possible contributing variables.
- 16:12Person D We put it in, but we had to make a modification and
- 16:15then it was successful so that. Is I see, I see, I see.
- 16:20As a science, we felt that this is, it's not us, not me, but
- 16:24like we feel that this is the more effective and more proven
- 16:28data than just like grouping people in together or like
- 16:32respond, focusing only on what the response like, yeah, how
- 16:36they feel and responding on that stuff.
- 16:38So you say in, for example, a maybe if I understand you
- 16:42correctly. So like, let's say someone goes
- 16:43to therapy and a therapist, like, OK, talk therapy works for
- 16:47this person, talk therapy works for that person.
- 16:49It looks like therapy is not working great for that person.
- 16:52Let's see if they exercise three times a week, does that make a
- 16:55difference? OK, talk therapy works.
- 16:56Now with that, with exercise and talk therapy.
- 16:59Well, I think I'm my agile professor, so I like.
- 17:01So I was been involved a little bit with the research.
- 17:04I understand a little bit of that.
- 17:06The first step is and, and I'll tell us if you want to work on a
- 17:10study, you have to understand what the intervention is and
- 17:12observe and describe it in an observable and measurable term.
- 17:16It's one of our 7 dimensions of ABA.
- 17:21So what's measurable or observable, right?
- 17:24If you say talk therapy, that's not measurable or observable.
- 17:27You can measure or observe the difference in behavior over a
- 17:29coming week, feelings, or whatever.
- 17:31Well, I'm not even talking about that part.
- 17:33I'm talking about the actual behavior of talk therapy.
- 17:36Because it's a vague term, right?
- 17:38Right. Right, So what does talk therapy
- 17:39mean Is what you're asking right is.
- 17:41It if we say, is it? Freudian talk therapy, talking
- 17:43about your mom and your when you were like as a kid and your
- 17:46experiences were like. Or or is it not?
- 17:48Yeah, so that cool if we say like we're going to put in a
- 17:51token economy, which is let's say charts or what few tickets
- 17:54or people are are familiar with. If we put something in like
- 17:59that, how, how, how are the respondents or how are the
- 18:03participants going to, has their behavior going to change?
- 18:06That's a very, you know, observable and measurable thing.
- 18:09There was nothing here. We put in this working on this
- 18:14behavior and then it changed or it didn't change, which if you
- 18:20see, you see, I'm describing it as very black and white.
- 18:24That's where when it goes down the line and it turns into a
- 18:29therapy, so often, not often, but sometimes there's therapists
- 18:33that will present it in a rigid way.
- 18:37Present. The therapy in a rigid way
- 18:39because they're they're. But they're learning it black
- 18:41and white. They're learning it black and
- 18:43white. So as an adjunct professor, my
- 18:45goal is actually like to say, hey, be creative, be flexible.
- 18:49How do you apply creativity or flexibility to something like
- 18:52that in practice? So, but give me a we can talk
- 18:57about an example like you give me an example of a type of
- 19:01therapy that would be working or wouldn't be working for
- 19:04depending on the person and then make a difference, I guess
- 19:08observable difference and and then how would someone be rigid
- 19:12or not about that? Something could work about
- 19:16people but still not like it. OK, OK, so just let's say
- 19:22there's let's say there's BCB and let's say this BCBA is
- 19:25working with children of autism and really touch on like, yeah,
- 19:28we'll expand the the scope, you know, further on.
- 19:31But let's say for most people that understand BCA's work with
- 19:33Charlieville, they could come in, put in a token economy and
- 19:38it would be successful. And the parents are going to be
- 19:40like what? Like you're rude.
- 19:43You're you, you're rude. You're not, you're not
- 19:47personable. You're not, you're just focusing
- 19:49on the token of time. You're not even thinking about
- 19:51like the child and how he's affected by the intervention,
- 19:54right. And then there's taking that
- 19:56same intervention, but modifying it with today's a hard day.
- 20:00You know, today the kid didn't sleep last night.
- 20:02Let's adjust. Let's adjust the the the, you
- 20:07know, the data might be screwed for, you know, rude for that
- 20:10day, but you understand. When you're working with people,
- 20:13it's a little bit different than the lab.
- 20:16So especially science that's focused on on on behavior of the
- 20:24science is focused on behavior of all living things.
- 20:26So that's animals and and people.
- 20:29And whatever, really. So when if you're doing that,
- 20:32your, your research in a lab with let's say college students
- 20:35is going to look different when you're implementing that
- 20:37successful intervention with, with a child.
- 20:43Totally, totally. Yeah.
- 20:44So if you think of it like that, then it's common sense.
- 20:47Yeah. But if you think of it like.
- 20:49These are the rules. I'm taught like this and you
- 20:52just like copy and paste that. That's where the mistake
- 20:55becomes, and that's where there's.
- 20:56So there's a difference. So what?
- 20:58OK. I think So.
- 20:59What you're, I think you're saying is that you have the
- 21:02method and then you have the recipient of the method, but the
- 21:05recipient of the method is not always prepared to receive the
- 21:09therapy that the therapist is offering on or it's not going to
- 21:13be the same every single time. There's always going to be
- 21:14different contexts, or different types of days, different moods
- 21:16or different ages or different personalities.
- 21:19So correct me if I'm not, if I'm not being clear, but what I'm
- 21:23saying is there's, and because we're touching on the science
- 21:27and then we're touching on the therapy and we're touching on
- 21:28the applications and then the research, it's, it's very much
- 21:33separate what we do in a lab and what we do as a science.
- 21:35So. What do you do in a lab then?
- 21:37Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're doing in a lab as when I
- 21:39think, when I think of your lab, I'm thinking of actually like
- 21:42seeing like doing, trying that type of intervention,
- 21:46intervention, trying that type of therapy or intervention,
- 21:49seeing the results, taking note of it.
- 21:52And then when you're applying it right, that's.
- 21:54On a mass scale. You're taking it from the
- 21:56experimental design, which is obviously is more lab based with
- 22:02any science, whether it's whether it's with pigeons or or
- 22:08rats or people, rats or people. And then when you're putting it
- 22:12in as applied as a service that that's going to look different,
- 22:17right? Because as a service you have to
- 22:19be personable. You take into other account that
- 22:22there's other variable. I feel like I'm being confusing
- 22:26for no reason but. No, I think I understand what
- 22:28you're saying. So you have the initial like
- 22:30let's say you're. You're you're experimenting with
- 22:32a new method, but you're slowly observing.
- 22:35It so we'll jump in and say if you're, if you're a therapist,
- 22:39you're likely not focused on the research chart.
- 22:42You're not. You're not testing out those new
- 22:44those new methods. You're applying the methods that
- 22:46you learned already that have already been.
- 22:48Established in school, whether it's research articles or
- 22:50whether you know the journals, you know, which is why it's so
- 22:54important to be up to date with, with the up and coming journals
- 22:57and like the new research that comes out when they're seeing a
- 22:59conference and seeing a study that someone else applied and
- 23:03then take it to the next step. And with every, every
- 23:06intervention, you know, this is like a joke that someone said
- 23:11they're like, does this field attract rigid people or does
- 23:14this field make rigid people rigid?
- 23:16I don't know. I don't know what the right
- 23:19answer is. I don't know, but I know that as
- 23:22professionals, as as you know, touching on that agile professor
- 23:26piece, our job is to pass on that.
- 23:29It's not a rigid thing. Have that conversation be
- 23:32personable. You know whether it's whether
- 23:37you know if you need a little help reading Dale Carnegie.
- 23:41He's a boring writer. He's a boring writer in my
- 23:44opinion. Yeah, very difficult to read.
- 23:45You're talking about, like the seven ways to influence people.
- 23:49Whatever. No, that's that's COVID.
- 23:53How to make friends and influence?
- 23:54People I don't make friends and influence people.
- 23:55That's Dale Carnegie. That's Dale Carnegie.
- 23:56Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were saying 7. 7
- 23:59Habits Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, that yeah, that book was hard
- 24:01for. Me to read the Dale Carnegie,
- 24:02the Dale Carnegie want. Obviously I'm listening to it
- 24:04again for like the third time. How is it?
- 24:06How is it auditorily as opposed to on papers?
- 24:09Because I can't get through. It I'm a very slow reader in
- 24:11general, and to sit down and read is much harder.
- 24:14Yeah, but in the car listening to it in the background and I'm
- 24:18like, OK, I'm picking up also, since I've read it before about
- 24:23it, it's just like more of a refresher.
- 24:26I have a colleague, David Rubenfeld.
- 24:28He always says, like, this is Dale Carnegie is social skills
- 24:34for Adults. Yeah, that's what the book is.
- 24:35Totally. And once he said that, I was
- 24:37like, yeah, it is tend. To be a likable person.
- 24:40Part of teaching social skills, you know, whether we work with
- 24:42adults or children, it's going to obviously look different, but
- 24:45this is like a good blueprint. I was speaking to Doctor Hanley,
- 24:51who's, you know, a big person in the field, and I was like, what
- 24:55do you think about Dale Carnegie?
- 24:56He's like, ah, it's, it's great. So you see that the
- 24:58professionals are. Yeah, big fans.
- 25:00Are a big fan of like, you know, material material and like it
- 25:05not being ABC or D. Like you have to learn how to
- 25:07talk to people when you're on the service delivery side as
- 25:10opposed to the lab side where it's just like students come in.
- 25:15This is the question, yes or no, Stuff like that.
- 25:18I feel like I'm jumping around too much.
- 25:21I think you're doing, I think that's.
- 25:22That's just like, that's my ADHD, Like, yeah, yeah.
- 25:25That is great. Oh yeah.
- 25:27So going back. I guess to go back to the
- 25:30science, there's a phospho, there's experimental and then
- 25:35taking that experimental and applying it.
- 25:37So there's experimental in the lab, and then there's applying
- 25:39it to at. What point does experimental
- 25:41become mainstream? What's accepted by Journal?
- 25:44Well, there's experimental and there's applied, right?
- 25:46There's a separate journal. There's the journal Experimental
- 25:50Applied Behavior Analysis. There's different tiers.
- 25:53And then there's the journal Applied Behavior Analysis.
- 25:56I look at it, I could be I'm wrong.
- 25:58I look at it as steps. It goes from experimental to
- 26:00applied, and then you're as a professional, you're looking at
- 26:03the applied and you're applying it to.
- 26:05But as an as a researcher or as a scientist, you're looking at
- 26:07experimental too. So, so you in particular would
- 26:11be looking at the experimental. Most therapists would not would
- 26:14be looking at applied or whatever is out there.
- 26:16Yeah, I mean, I think it's important for for therapists,
- 26:19even if you're not going to look at applied to look at
- 26:20experimental like just hear what's out there, hear what's
- 26:23going because it's very possible you could implement it.
- 26:27And then there are some big changes that surprised you
- 26:28recently. What are some big like, was
- 26:30anything like shocking that that like came out experimentally
- 26:35that you were like, oh, that's cool.
- 26:36Or oh, that's like different. No, because I can't say I'm
- 26:40reading everyone. You know, when when the journal
- 26:42comes to my door, it's like for a year and it's like I usually
- 26:46try to skim through it. There's so to go.
- 26:50So obviously going back in the science not to get too, you
- 26:53know, distracted by the research part, there's the science
- 26:55focusing on what behavior is and how behavior works.
- 26:57Yes. And let's talk about that.
- 26:59Thoughts, thoughts are behavior, thoughts, behavior.
- 27:02And let's say you're thirsty. What's the behavior you're going
- 27:04to do? So let's say the, a, the, the,
- 27:07the beginning part is you're thirsty, you're going to go get
- 27:09a drink, right? You drink, you're satiated when
- 27:13you're thirsty. Next time, are you more likely
- 27:14to get a drink? More likely.
- 27:17Than if you wouldn't have so let me you're you're you're thirsty
- 27:21you're going to get a drink drink is getting a drink.
- 27:23Is the behavior satisfied? Satisfied is the consequence.
- 27:29Consequence doesn't mean bad over here.
- 27:30When we we use consequence, we just.
- 27:32Result the results. Yeah, and based on your
- 27:35consequence, someone's more likely or less likely.
- 27:38To do that behavior again, I'm assuming more.
- 27:40Because the satisfaction is a good in this case, right?
- 27:43Yeah, in this case, it would be more, yeah.
- 27:46So that's basically how they look at every behavior.
- 27:50And if you understand that the science is just studying
- 27:53behavior, it's impossible for it to be incorrect.
- 27:58For behavior to be incorrect for for this.
- 28:00Science to be incorrect. Now the third what?
- 28:03Why would the science be incorrect?
- 28:06How could the? I think I'm answering a question
- 28:07that like, you don't even know. Like, yeah, you don't know about
- 28:09the backlash to the science. So what?
- 28:13The premise is the premise. What's the premise over here?
- 28:16The premise of the statement is that a behavior with a
- 28:20consequence that behavior is. Controlled by what happens
- 28:23before and after. OK, so for example, let's say
- 28:27I'm thirsty and I decided to get in the car and drive to Publix
- 28:31to get a bottle of water. And I'm like this, this is kind
- 28:33of stupid because I have a bottle of water at home, so I
- 28:35didn't need to do that. And so I so I tried to come
- 28:38home. The next time I'm home, I'm
- 28:39like, I'm not going to get up and go to Publix because that
- 28:41required a lot of effort. And so I'm actually going to.
- 28:43I think you're going to a different thing of of like I
- 28:46think the term is response cost, like how how much effort it
- 28:51takes. To accomplish the goal, right,
- 28:52OK. But let's say you would drink
- 28:55water and you you felt satisfied, but the next time you
- 28:59drink soda and you're like, this is not satiating all the time.
- 29:02Then you're not going to drink soda again.
- 29:03Not soda again, but like when you're.
- 29:05Thirsty. You're not going to go for it
- 29:06then, right? OK, that checks out.
- 29:09OK, gotcha. So that's just like a good
- 29:11example. That's just like a yeah.
- 29:12It's a perfect example to make a point, but yeah.
- 29:14If we look at behavior, every single behavior like that, yeah.
- 29:17Now sometimes it takes a little bit more digging.
- 29:21What happened before? What's the consequence?
- 29:22Sometimes the before should be way in the past, sometimes it
- 29:25will be in the future. And the same thing goes for and
- 29:32then the same thing goes for when you have competing
- 29:34behaviors, right? What let's say someone's like, I
- 29:40know I have to do work, but I can sit on my phone and scroll.
- 29:43Let me just sit on the phone and scroll because it's easier to
- 29:45sit in your phone and scroll and get that reinforcement that.
- 29:48And you know, and you also know the consequences.
- 29:50I bet like you know, that you like scrolling you.
- 29:53Know, but you know the consequences that if you work
- 29:56it's better off for you. Like theoretically you know
- 29:59that. If it's not a one to one
- 30:00correlation, which is why I think that people have a hard
- 30:03time with that. I think if if it was a 1 to 1
- 30:04correlation, you have a much better time with a much easier
- 30:06time with it. Well, it's competing behaviors.
- 30:08And what takes more? More or.
- 30:09Less response, right? Yeah.
- 30:11It it takes less like response effort, it takes less effort on
- 30:15your end to yeah, we're good. Yeah.
- 30:19It takes less effort on your end to scroll on your phone then
- 30:25than it is to get up than to it is to just change the app on
- 30:28your phone. To my work app A.
- 30:30Work app and answer a couple of emails.
- 30:33OK, but now we're talking about, but now you just changed from.
- 30:36I just changed to. Motivate.
- 30:38I brought into another, I brought in another principle,
- 30:40which is episode, which is, which is effort.
- 30:44It's how much effort it will take to get the reinforcement
- 30:49because you'll feel accomplished after you get through a bunch of
- 30:51emails correct Or anything. Yeah, totally.
- 30:54I feel great. Right.
- 30:55So what so you have that, you have that reinforcement on that
- 30:58side, but in the in the moment you're like, hey, takes less
- 31:02effort to do this, so you're more likely to to do that.
- 31:05That makes sense. The way that I, I read, I enemy
- 31:08the whole thing, but I've read, I've read chunks of Danny
- 31:10Kahman, Daniel Kahman's What's the book called?
- 31:14Thinking Fast and Slow. And one of the things that he
- 31:17says is he's a Nobel Prize winner for, for economics, but
- 31:22based on, on decision making and people and, and behavior.
- 31:25And one of the things he says that we have a limited amount of
- 31:29mental budget for things that require effort and like, and it
- 31:34gets depleted, right. So let's say hypothetically,
- 31:37it's hard for me. I'm trying to be healthy.
- 31:39It's hard for me to eat healthy. So it's hard for me to exercise,
- 31:42right? If I take if, if at the end of
- 31:44the day, so I'm already expending my energy, the X
- 31:48amount of energy is already going to be spent getting up,
- 31:50going, you know, taking my kids to school, going to school,
- 31:54working. And at the end of the day, I'm
- 31:57almost out of energy, right? I'm going to choose to go for a
- 32:00jog. When I come back from that jog,
- 32:01it's going to be way harder for me to hold back from eating that
- 32:05piece of cake because I've already depleted a lot of the
- 32:08I've already depleted my tank of that conscious effort.
- 32:12And now that I have less, and now that I don't have as much in
- 32:15the tank, it's going to be harder for me to make decisions
- 32:17that require more effort or intention behind this.
- 32:20Yeah, that's interesting. OK.
- 32:22Yeah. But I imagine that's similar to
- 32:25that, but I guess that could tie into it, you know?
- 32:28It could tie into it because. Scrolling is effortless.
- 32:31That's how people like it. Well.
- 32:33You know why people like scrolling?
- 32:35Because you're getting the instant gratification for that,
- 32:37too. Yeah.
- 32:38And it's novel. It's quick, it's a blast.
- 32:41It's an instant gratification. You're getting that that I don't
- 32:45know if I'm using the right drug, but dopamine?
- 32:47Yeah, that is yeah, dopamine. Here but you're getting that
- 32:51that and that's the reinforcement right so you may
- 32:53as a teacher think like oh reinforcement is giving my
- 32:56students tickets or candies right but there's that dopamine
- 33:00is also reinforcing that behavior of scrolling so and we
- 33:04how behavior works if something something's only called
- 33:08reinforcing if it increases if it if the behavior will increase
- 33:12yeah OK we use this term in in in the science of ABA.
- 33:18Obviously it's going to you know, people don't look at this
- 33:20term is that, but if something's punishing, yeah, then they won't
- 33:23do that behavior again. OK OK right.
- 33:26So if if someone tries to put in their bathtub real life
- 33:33experience, they try to you know they're having construction done
- 33:36and they try to help out and put their bathtub into the place and
- 33:41the bathtub cracks, right? That was a consequence.
- 33:44They tried doing this out they're.
- 33:46Not going to try again next time.
- 33:48Now, they didn't get punished, they didn't get slapped or hurt,
- 33:51but that's that that. But the fact they may have gone,
- 33:53they may have gone punished. They got punished in a different
- 33:55way. They exerted effort without the
- 33:57outcome they wanted. And then they probably cost
- 33:59money to cut someone else to put them in, to put it in.
- 34:01So now you. Feel like you.
- 34:02The punishments focus on the consequence, so now that the
- 34:05effort it's focused on, now they have a cracked tub.
- 34:07But you're waiting, but you're weighing the effort versus the
- 34:09consequence. I think we all are.
- 34:11If you say I worked so hard for something, you didn't get
- 34:13anything out of it, well, you'd be like, oh, that's I don't want
- 34:16to do that again because I didn't feel like I got.
- 34:18The effort. The effort is before the
- 34:19behaviour, correct? Once you complete the behaviour,
- 34:22what happens after the behaviour is likely going to decide
- 34:26whether you're going to do that behaviour again or not, right?
- 34:29Someone pushes themselves to public speak.
- 34:33And it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare.
- 34:35They are less likely to do it again.
- 34:38Correct. It's an extreme success.
- 34:41Yo, what's the next? What's the next?
- 34:43What's the next engagement? When can I speak next?
- 34:45Yeah. So something like that.
- 34:48And it happens. We do with with people.
- 34:50We meet and speak to. You speak to someone, what about
- 34:54what did you walk away like, oh, this is a knowledgeable
- 34:56conversation. Often times you're going to go
- 34:58back to that person, right? So it's happening everywhere.
- 35:02This this, this before, after, sure, before and after and the
- 35:06behavior, but people don't look at it on a daily basis.
- 35:09So I. Think about it pretty regular as
- 35:10a teacher. Well, as a teacher, it's a, it's
- 35:14a little bit different because you're you, you can sometimes
- 35:16see when you, your action, what happens.
- 35:22Well, how do your students react?
- 35:23Or something like that. I, I don't even need to see.
- 35:25I don't even need to see. So I don't need to see the
- 35:28responses necessarily because I know I'm trusting the process of
- 35:31what you're saying. For example, I had a student
- 35:33yesterday just yells out a curse word in the middle of the class.
- 35:35I throw them out, right, goodbye.
- 35:37Thank you very much for coming. See you later.
- 35:39I get along with, you know, an actual.
- 35:42And one of the challenges that I, I, I'm aware of and that I,
- 35:45I, I, I, I deal with head on is that because I'm laid back, a
- 35:48lot of my students think they can take advantage of me.
- 35:51And that's, and so they're always surprised when I throw
- 35:54them out of class and I'm always rigid about it when I throw them
- 35:57out. I say, I'm very sorry.
- 35:59We'll try again tomorrow. There's a consequence to your
- 36:01behavior. And I don't want you to think
- 36:03that this behavior has no consequences.
- 36:06So when you yell out a curse word in the middle of class, if
- 36:08it won't help me, it won't help you figure out me, it won't help
- 36:11you. If, If there's no, if there's
- 36:14no, if there's nothing on the other end of that, that is that
- 36:16means anything to you. So I'm going to put a little
- 36:19spin on it and and I'm not saying that you were wrong in
- 36:22throwing them out, of course, but I want to like show you how
- 36:25you throwing them out could be either a punishment or a
- 36:29reinforcement for them. OK.
- 36:31They're sending a class. They're like shoots.
- 36:33I can't. I got to get out of here.
- 36:34I can't deal with this. Yell a curse word.
- 36:37You send them out, they're free. Yeah, right.
- 36:39They got what they want. Another good class.
- 36:41Enjoying your class, Right? Comfortable says a curse word,
- 36:45thought he would get a laugh from his friends and said he got
- 36:47sent out. That that same action that you
- 36:51followed the behavior with? Yes, we just described two ways
- 36:54of how it could be punishing and reinforcing.
- 36:56Yes, correct. So often time people think like
- 37:00I punish my kids, I give them time out, yeah.
- 37:03But if they don't care, they don't mean.
- 37:04Anything but it's not about them not caring if that's what they
- 37:06want or that then then they. You're actually giving them
- 37:09their desired goal. So the same thing is like this
- 37:13thing in a preference assessment, it's called in the
- 37:17science and in the applied side and the therapy side where you
- 37:21could have two kids that you're working with, one kid who want a
- 37:23candy, one could who want chips. And if you give the kid that
- 37:27wants candy chips, unless it's not, even though it's following
- 37:31the behavior, it doesn't mean it's going to be reinforcing.
- 37:34That's the flaw with the marshmallow test, because you're
- 37:36not assuming that all the kids want marshmallows.
- 37:38That's a good point, I never thought about it.
- 37:42That's actually great. Yeah.
- 37:45Wow. But yeah, I never actually
- 37:48thought about it like that. Applies to the marshmallow test.
- 37:50I didn't either until the second, yeah.
- 37:52But that is a big flaw with the marshmallow.
- 37:54That's because, yeah, because two people, you've got two
- 37:57people in the same room and they can both find different.
- 37:59Context, Just to elaborate on the story.
- 38:01I almost I do understand that the students because what I do
- 38:06is I give them an abstinence for thrown out, but I give them an
- 38:08opportunity to all my students have an opportunity to get up,
- 38:12get up and just walk around. If they get walk like take a
- 38:14walk if they need for three to 5 minutes without consequences.
- 38:17So they all know like they know I actually enforce, I reinforce
- 38:21be mature. If you feel like you can't
- 38:23control yourself, get up and take a walk for three minutes,
- 38:25come back. And if I do throw you out, then
- 38:28there's consequences because obviously you haven't been
- 38:30mature enough to decide by yourself that you're that you
- 38:32can get that you need to get up and walk out.
- 38:35And so this is now the new repercussion.
- 38:37Just check. But that took time to work on by
- 38:38the way. It took it, took it.
- 38:41Took at all questioning, you know, but I was saying it, I was
- 38:44going to film the education education and I, I don't think
- 38:48that when I, I was teaching that I had that conscious thing, you
- 38:53know, now that it's wrong. I don't.
- 38:54I think often times teachers aren't taught that it's not
- 38:58about throwing them out, throwing them out.
- 38:59Throwing them out sometimes could be reinforcing to the
- 39:02teacher. Yeah, I got.
- 39:03I did the behavior of throwing a kid out and now my classroom is
- 39:06quiet. It's a power, it's a, it's a
- 39:07power play, too. But there's the power struggle.
- 39:11But it's also going back to the behavior, right?
- 39:14The teacher threw someone out. Now he's reinforced by getting
- 39:17the behavior that he wants from other students.
- 39:19And not just that, but he's also reinforced that his classroom's
- 39:22quieter. OK, so then he's what we could
- 39:25we could look at both. I don't think either 1.
- 39:27I don't. Think it's Yes, yes, yes.
- 39:28I don't think it's completely wrong.
- 39:29Yes, Yes, Yes, yes. But a teacher could is probably
- 39:32more likely to throw someone out the next time, yes, than that.
- 39:36The the and there's some great people in the field like Doctor
- 39:39Paul Galloni and Anika Asta, who created a plans for schools that
- 39:46it's not about just throwing the kids out.
- 39:47It's about throwing them out. I hate to use this word,
- 39:50throwing them out, but something out of class.
- 39:52They don't just send them out of class.
- 39:53It's also about sending them out of class and having them
- 39:55complete the work they have to do in class, right?
- 39:57So they didn't get out of the work.
- 39:59They didn't get that free, you know, And they have a whole book
- 40:02on that, which is really, really great.
- 40:04But that comes from understanding the science that
- 40:07there's a lot of, there's a lot of lot of things playing out in
- 40:11general. Skinner, Broaden.
- 40:14Pavlov. Into the science and.
- 40:17They lived at the same time. No, Pavel is it was earlier.
- 40:20Earlier I don't. Know when Pavel is.
- 40:22From yeah, I think it was like in the 1800s.
- 40:25OK, but I could be I'm totally wrong.
- 40:26Yeah, tell you right now, Yeah. But we're on a hot seat right
- 40:30now, yeah. Sorry, we need a, We need a guy
- 40:33in. Verification.
- 40:34Yeah, he's yeah. 1849 to 19361936 When was when was
- 40:41Skinner? Alive, it could be the inter
- 40:44they cross, but I think I don't want to even make things out.
- 40:46But he's early 1900s. 19 O 4/19/90 yeah, he would have been
- 40:51like 20 when he when when Pavlov died so.
- 40:54Very much. It could be that there was some
- 40:55interaction, I don't know, but he brought that into science
- 40:58about that's how behavior works and conditioning.
- 41:01Skinner gets a lot of Flack because his original research
- 41:04was done with rats and pigeons, which is what maybe you heard of
- 41:07him from or you know him from. I think.
- 41:10I guess the truth is I don't even remember where I know his
- 41:12name from. His his idea was that when he
- 41:16was testing these behavioral principles, Yeah.
- 41:19But you know, what happens before what happens?
- 41:21A response. Call pigeons are intelligent and
- 41:23rats are very intelligent and we know that both animals could, I
- 41:25think a pigeon could carry out, follow a set of directions.
- 41:28That's why you had quote UN quote messenger pigeons, you
- 41:30know, back. I guess that would that would
- 41:32make. Sense they're intelligent
- 41:33animals. Yeah, but the idea is that they
- 41:36also do research with fish. I don't think BF, I don't think
- 41:39BF scanner did it, but there are labs in the US that's cool that
- 41:42are doing applied behavior analysis.
- 41:43Really. With fish, With fish and.
- 41:45I don't want people get so, so used to like, hey, if we're
- 41:48doing it with fish and animals, how are you?
- 41:50How are you doing with humans? Yeah, which is a valid question,
- 41:55but it doesn't. One thing doesn't take away from
- 41:57another. When I was in, when I was in an
- 42:02aquarium, I think in, so one of maybe a Miami aquarium, you
- 42:08know, I saw them training like one of these, the dolphins or
- 42:11whatever, one of these things. I don't know what dolphins.
- 42:13Are also super smart. They were using the principles
- 42:16of ABA. Yeah.
- 42:17OK. And I walk into a clinic or I
- 42:19walk into a classroom, or I walk into, I walk into a classroom,
- 42:23any regular classroom. Let's not talk, you know, let's
- 42:26talk typical developing children.
- 42:30And they're using the same principles.
- 42:32So it's it's the principles of how behavior works.
- 42:36Yeah. It's not just because it's
- 42:38focused on animals. But people are animals too.
- 42:41That's something we don't like to think, but we are we.
- 42:42Don't like to think about it, but our behavior works in
- 42:44similar ways. Yeah.
- 42:46And I think, yeah. And there's also, there are
- 42:51similar. There are similar.
- 42:53I believe it for sure, especially with something like a
- 42:56dolphin or a whale or something like that.
- 42:58That has a little more. Whales have accents depending
- 43:02where they're from. Oh.
- 43:03Really. Yeah, I did not know that.
- 43:04That's. Pretty cool.
- 43:06It's all vibrations. So the way that they make, the
- 43:09way that they make their their vibration based on where they're
- 43:13Australian whales sound differently than Arctic and then
- 43:15Antarctican whales. Crazy sense and everything.
- 43:18Yeah, it's really cool. Like, do they understand each
- 43:21other's accents? Because like, sometimes you know
- 43:22how you speak this. About.
- 43:23Yeah, it takes some time to adjust, by the way.
- 43:26Seriously, it takes. I have.
- 43:27I have a friend that's Irish and he moved here like 30 years ago,
- 43:3235 years ago. And he still has the same
- 43:34accent. Like the day he landed.
- 43:35Really. Yeah, the day he landed there.
- 43:37Become like Americanized. I think and maybe you know this
- 43:39more, but I think there's a certain age, I think after like
- 43:4220 or 25 that if you come to if you that that you're like, you
- 43:45don't, you can't, you don't adopt to you might be able to
- 43:48learn to copy it, but you don't, it doesn't default.
- 43:51It you're saying it's not going to change, it's not going to
- 43:53it's not going to. But you know, the Israeli guys,
- 43:55they like have been here for 30 years and they still sound like
- 43:57they just got off off the plane yesterday.
- 43:59Like, like there's a reason like if they'll probably tell you
- 44:02most of them have got came to came to America when they're in
- 44:04their early 20s after the brains already been mostly developed at
- 44:07that point. I'm.
- 44:08Going to say that I think the big factor is who they hang out
- 44:10with. That too.
- 44:12Because I think that shapes it. Not this Irish guy.
- 44:15This Irish guy is married to an American girl and works with
- 44:16Americans all day. Right, but if he so not, I'm not
- 44:19saying who they hang out with because of who they are, but who
- 44:22they hang out with. Like if they if, if you, if his
- 44:25wife who was American would be whoever is married, you know who
- 44:29he's married to an American and the Americans like I don't what,
- 44:32what, what do you say? They would.
- 44:34It would slowly shape their behavior over time, their speech
- 44:36over time, to sound more American.
- 44:39You would think but I couldn't understand him for the first
- 44:43like. Did you, did you, did your
- 44:45understanding change or did he adjust?
- 44:47I, I adjusted, I got, I got used to it.
- 44:50And I've had, I had AI, had a Caruso, I had a guy I learned
- 44:53with that's the Hasidic guy from Manchester, you know, years ago.
- 44:58I'm still, I still talk to every now and then, but he, I took me
- 45:01all when I was, when I, when we would learn consistently
- 45:04together on a, you know, 3 or 4 nights a week, I'd be able to
- 45:07understand him way better. And then I wouldn't see him for
- 45:08six months and I'd see him again.
- 45:09And it'd be like grasping to like, understand.
- 45:12Him It sounds like your behavior is being shaped by them not
- 45:16Knock Hodges yeah, no one's saying like oh I'm shaping my.
- 45:20Or my. Speech or whatever your yeah,
- 45:23yeah, yeah, your understanding. Yeah.
- 45:24It's being for sure it is I'm becoming familiar with.
- 45:26That familiar with that over time, yeah, because you're
- 45:29you're being put in that like a reversive thing like let me try
- 45:33harder to listen and and whatever do you think if you
- 45:36guys spent more time together his behavior would be shaped as
- 45:39well. His speech would be shaped as
- 45:41well. Certainly think so.
- 45:43I had a friend of mine, I had a friend of mine.
- 45:47He he had a funny thing that he would do like a tick that he
- 45:49would do. And I used to make, I used to
- 45:52make fun of him, not actually like say hi, how you do this,
- 45:55but I would do it also like in, in context.
- 45:58And then we both end up doing it a ton.
- 45:59And you know, and one person who we're hanging out with was like,
- 46:03why do you do that? And I'm like, and I'm like, oh,
- 46:06I'm just making fun of have my coffee.
- 46:07And he goes, are you kidding? I'm like what?
- 46:08He's like, I started because you do it.
- 46:10You know, the entire time that it was my behaviour that
- 46:13started, I, I, I was unconscious and then he copied me and then I
- 46:18copied him, being completely unaware that he was copying me.
- 46:21Dude, it was such a bizarre. That's a crazy trip.
- 46:26That that's a trip. That's a trip.
- 46:28That's like, how much of that that, how much do I do that?
- 46:30I'm not aware. Of but I was just about to say
- 46:32that and that just shows you like we, we do so much things
- 46:35that we're not aware of, whether it's whether it's because of our
- 46:38our antecedent, like what happened before the behaviour,
- 46:41whether it was years ago, whether it was a little few
- 46:43minutes ago, yeah. Or whether or whether it's it's
- 46:47that the consequence that that's shaping it.
- 46:51You know, I think this goes a little bit on to like the Freud
- 46:54side. Yeah, but like, if people have
- 46:56triggers, right? Why do they have triggers?
- 46:58That's probably that that antecedent, that thing that
- 47:00happened before the behavior, then that's that's trigger them.
- 47:04To what are you saying? It's associations?
- 47:06I think triggers their associations.
- 47:08Associations. Associations is the same thing
- 47:11as antecedent behavior consequence, right?
- 47:13Antecedent behavior. Consequence is what happened
- 47:15before the behavior, the behavior and acid behavior.
- 47:18And then your association with something that's similar to it.
- 47:21Well, if you, if you had an antecedent, you did a certain
- 47:25behavior and you got the consequences you wanted, it's
- 47:28probably more likely to for you for it to happen again, right.
- 47:31If maybe if people are in different social situations,
- 47:34they found that if they hide in a corner safer, it's safer.
- 47:39So it's they had that consequence of feeling safer.
- 47:42Yeah, I'm sorry, but I would be safe.
- 47:45I would be I would be confident to say that if they were in
- 47:48another social where they felt a similar way, they'll probably do
- 47:52the same behavior and get the same consequence.
- 47:56Yeah, because they know that that that that, that, that that
- 48:00behavior. So using that word trigger, that
- 48:02word association I think is the same thing as saying what
- 48:06happens before the behavior. Yeah, trigger association and
- 48:08seated and it's going to make what happened based on what the
- 48:12consequence was last time. It's make their behaviour.
- 48:14And that being said, so when people would say you're
- 48:16triggering me means that I've been in a similar situation
- 48:19where I've had a similar conversation.
- 48:20I did not like the outcome and so please don't have the
- 48:23conversation with me. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
- 48:24And then I'm not getting a light bulb right now like it.
- 48:27But that's almost like, I'm not, you know, not in a mean way, but
- 48:30that's almost childish to like say that every situation, like
- 48:32we know that not every situation is the same, especially like
- 48:35with a vague thing like a conversation, right?
- 48:38If let's say I'm asking you to understand an idea that you're
- 48:40saying, and I'm asking you the idea to break down your idea and
- 48:43to make you feel like an idiot when I was asking you the idea
- 48:47because I want to understand. You there's a concept called
- 48:49faulty stimulus. OK, OK.
- 48:51That means you're reacting to the wrong thing.
- 48:53Yeah. Maybe we would say that in this
- 48:55case, there's something that's happened before that's faulty,
- 49:00that's triggering. Yeah, that's triggering that.
- 49:04You ever notice people try to teach their kid a color, right.
- 49:08We have this green can here. Yeah, I'm going to say can.
- 49:12OK. I pull out something else that's
- 49:15green. I'm going to say what color is
- 49:17this? Or let's, let's do actually,
- 49:20let's be more realistic, right? We have two cans here.
- 49:22Yeah. OK.
- 49:23I want to teach you that this is can, OK.
- 49:26The person I'm teaching it to learned that green can is can.
- 49:31Yeah. So they might assume that
- 49:33everything green is called can, right.
- 49:35But if I show you this other can that's not green, it's not
- 49:37called can. Yeah.
- 49:38So that's what faulty stimulus is.
- 49:40And it happens very often when people are trying to teach new
- 49:42skills, but skills especially for younger, younger kids or
- 49:46newer skills to, to to even, even though, I don't know, start
- 49:52again. With jiu jitsu, by the way, same
- 49:53thing. Yeah, you can be taught that you
- 49:56react. And try to do something in a
- 49:57different context and like, that's the dumbest thing you can
- 49:59do. And I'm like, I just, you just
- 50:00told me to do it before. I'm like, yeah, but only there.
- 50:02And I'm like, right? You're reacting to the wrong.
- 50:04The wrong. Yeah, Stimulus, I think that
- 50:07going back to where you were saying how it's maybe childish,
- 50:11maybe that's where it's childish from, right?
- 50:14You're thinking it as a childish, but really?
- 50:16Well, I'm not. I'm not.
- 50:17Yeah, of course. They're reacting to the wrong
- 50:19part of of. Totally.
- 50:21Totally. But that should be made clear
- 50:23like meaning. I don't think people realize
- 50:25people, people I don't think people like right now dissecting
- 50:28it. I don't think I ever thought of
- 50:30so much of A trigger as in this thing that we just brought up.
- 50:33Right. But, but I would probably say
- 50:36that if you know that, another example is, you know, I know my
- 50:42my dad and I work together, right?
- 50:43And I and we have a great relationship 90% of the time.
- 50:4695% of the time, right. Pretty good.
- 50:48Yeah. It's awesome.
- 50:49It took years, by the way. It's like 5050.
- 50:55Thank God. And a huge part of it was that I
- 50:59learned that there's a way to communicate with him.
- 51:06And so there's so there's an idea I'm trying to convey.
- 51:08We have an order that has to get out to a customer.
- 51:11I could call him and I could say this order has to go out.
- 51:13What is going on? Why is that operation such a
- 51:16crap show? It doesn't make any sense.
- 51:18And you know, you do, you do, you're right.
- 51:19Hang up the phone and I'll never hear and and nothing will
- 51:22happen. But why do you say you're right?
- 51:23Because. He wants to end the
- 51:24conversation. Right.
- 51:25He's he's reinforcing you. Of course you're like, OK and
- 51:28like. I'm not being, but eventually I
- 51:31realize that that's not good. That's not the way to get it
- 51:33done. And so I call him now and I say,
- 51:35ABBA, I love you. I don't want to fight with you.
- 51:38It doesn't look good for us if we if someone buys something in
- 51:41two weeks later, they haven't gotten it yet.
- 51:42So, you know, for our sake and for our reputation and just to
- 51:46keep things smooth, like running smoothly, can we take care of
- 51:48this, please? And even though my instinct is
- 51:50to like jump down his throat, probably because he's my dad and
- 51:52you know, whatever. So now let's say with my SO with
- 51:56my dad right now, right, My dad's the recipient of the
- 51:59conversation. He can, he has his own
- 52:01associations. His association when being
- 52:03yelled at is to stop the confrontation.
- 52:06Best way to stop the confrontation?
- 52:07Is to say yeah, he has an aversive.
- 52:08Stimulus I don't want, exactly, and I don't want him to feel
- 52:10like it's adversity. I want because because I know
- 52:14that his response to adversity is not the response that I want.
- 52:17Well, you learned that correct from your consequence over time,
- 52:19correct? Which shapes your behaviour,
- 52:21correct? Which is why you change your
- 52:22behaviour. Right.
- 52:22And the more that you get to know people, right?
- 52:24And like, I'm sure you know this, you know, like I know the
- 52:26way that I, the way that I have to talk to my wife to convey an,
- 52:30A new idea or critique something that's going on in the house has
- 52:33to be extremely delicate and thought out.
- 52:37And the way that I did it four years ago when you first got
- 52:40married as opposed to today is super different, right?
- 52:43It's not shaping the behavior. Or understanding the OR
- 52:46understanding the person you're talking to to reshape your
- 52:48behavior. Whatever term we want to put to
- 52:50it, because we're not arguing here, We're agreeing.
- 52:52We're just using different terms.
- 52:53I'm saying two different perspective we're going from.
- 52:55I'm saying it it's being shaped by the consequence.
- 52:57Yeah. And you're saying, yeah, you're
- 52:59constantly changing it based on the shaping of the consequence.
- 53:02Yeah, but the same thing. So no.
- 53:03No, no, this is I'm just trying to.
- 53:06There's elaborations coming out. No, that's what I'm pointing
- 53:10out. Like, people could be sitting on
- 53:11the table, be saying the same thing, and they're sitting there
- 53:14arguing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 53:16By the way, that's so I've noticed that with, with
- 53:18arguments in general, it almost always comes down to just making
- 53:22sure that everyone agrees on the definition of all the terms that
- 53:25we're talking about, You know, sure, that's the biggest thing
- 53:28because like someone would be like, it's healthy to do this.
- 53:30I'm like, wait a minute, what do you think of healthy means?
- 53:35Right, Because I'm looking to sit here and fight with you
- 53:38until my face turns blue when you're like, oh, healthy just
- 53:41means that I'm not getting fat. I'm like, OK, well, that's not
- 53:43the same thing as what I'm talking about.
- 53:44So you could save a whole half an hour argument, you know, just
- 53:47by doing that. Right, Yeah.
- 53:49So that's basically I was just showing you how the different
- 53:52principles play out. Sure.
- 53:54Now the science is applied, There's a, a section of the
- 53:58science. There's, there's ABA therapy,
- 54:01which is autism therapy. There is school consultants that
- 54:07actually aren't focused on autism.
- 54:08Let me go back. ABA therapy in itself is not
- 54:14focused on autism. The reason why I get a name for
- 54:17autism is because back in the 1900s, someone did a ton of
- 54:23studies. His name was Lovas.
- 54:24He did a ton of studies on, you know, implementing the
- 54:29principles of the science with children, adult children, some
- 54:34adults with autism and show the validity of this, of the, of the
- 54:40research that was that it's very successful in shaping behavior
- 54:44and stuff like that. So what happened is with
- 54:48advocacy, there's been laws passed in all the US states that
- 54:52insurance, health insurance has to cover medically necessary
- 54:56services, includes ABA for for those diagnosed with autism
- 55:00right now. That's how it became known as
- 55:03autism therapy, because the government.
- 55:06Because the only because if the if someone has a a child or
- 55:11relative diagnosed with autism, ABA is the gold standard, which
- 55:16it shows and it's very effective.
- 55:18Obviously, not to get into the whole nitty gritty, but
- 55:21different different doctors so see how different doctors are
- 55:26provide services differently different ABA therapies yeah, I
- 55:29believe right are going to you know, provide services
- 55:31differently. I mean I.
- 55:33Could imagine, right? You go to 10 therapists, you're
- 55:34probably hearing 10 different answers.
- 55:36Well, it's not. It's not about the answers, it's
- 55:38about. Understanding approaches to the
- 55:40therapy. Bedside manner.
- 55:42Bedside manner, right? People go to the doctor like,
- 55:44oh, it's terrible bedside manner.
- 55:45We don't automatically think of that as a in the therapist
- 55:48because automatically we think that therapists should have that
- 55:50side matter, which they should not disagree with that state.
- 55:53So there was laws passed in, in all 50 states.
- 55:57I think at this point that, you know, the it's medically
- 56:02necessary for, for children and adults with autism to be, to
- 56:06have ABA therapy because they'll teach them independent skills,
- 56:08safety skills, communication skills, behavioral skills.
- 56:13And this and this is covered by insurance for most.
- 56:16People health insurance, health insurance by all health
- 56:18insurances unless they have a plan that their employer opted
- 56:21out of. So that's like the only way all
- 56:24Medicaid and all states cover it and all commercial plans are
- 56:27supposed to cover it. And that's how they got the name
- 56:31now. You can apply that ABA to
- 56:34students without autism, yeah. In in Florida, you know, we're
- 56:38in Florida right now. So, you know, let's.
- 56:40Go the sunshine. State.
- 56:41Sunshine State the weather is beautiful today.
- 56:44Medicaid covers for ABA therapy for ADHD as well.
- 56:50Don't quote me on this last I heard Massachusetts it covers it
- 56:54for those diagnosed. I don't know the diagnosed but
- 56:58this was Down syndrome really don't actually also going back
- 57:04to. Florida, a bit effective for
- 57:06Down syndrome or it's just kind of lumping Down syndrome in
- 57:08without? Without it's really effective.
- 57:11And they had to do a lot of advocacy to get it approved to
- 57:14cover for for Down syndrome. They had to.
- 57:18They had to, you know, someone had to push, someone had to,
- 57:20they had to show, right. So that's basically what it is,
- 57:24ADHD. If someone's willing, someone's
- 57:26willing to put, put in the hard work, then they could show that,
- 57:31that it's successful. Doctor Russell Barkley, who was
- 57:34like one of the top is known as one of the top, you know,
- 57:40doctors or whatever psychologist in I don't know what is that
- 57:45exact field was exact what a credential is, but he he's
- 57:49focused on ADHD. He even says with his and I'm
- 57:53quoting him children, adults with autism, they need children
- 57:58with autism. They need medicine because
- 58:02they're missing a chemical, whatever it is a chemical plus
- 58:05behavioral therapy. Behavioral therapy is ADA
- 58:08therapy, right? So plus behavioral therapy, so
- 58:11that that's coming from the ADHD things.
- 58:13But obviously the more research someone does and more advocacy,
- 58:17that's how these things happen. Like that's how insurance covers
- 58:20things at the end of the insurance doesn't want to cover.
- 58:22Yeah, you have to. You have to give them
- 58:23overwhelming evidence that it that it works.
- 58:25So for them to be willing. To give them overwhelming
- 58:27evidence till like I think it's really till insurance, till the
- 58:31states passed laws. Health insurance obviously have
- 58:35to comply. Yeah, they weren't going to be
- 58:37like, oh, I'm here, we're paying for this.
- 58:39Arizona is a lot more flexible with with the diagnosis for ABA
- 58:43therapy. It works.
- 58:45Yeah, there's. Certain states that are bigger
- 58:48for ABA right than other states are a little bit more, I guess
- 58:52they flexible or? Well, I think that's just
- 58:55advocacy and how it was written into.
- 58:59Into legislature. Legislate legislature coverage
- 59:03and into the medical plans right because I obviously have
- 59:07Medicaid that goes after whatever the state says they're
- 59:09going to cover. You know, told about 2-3 years
- 59:13ago if you were a board certified behavior analyst,
- 59:17which what I am, you could only, or you would be a licensed
- 59:21behavior analyst in the state of New York, which I am.
- 59:23You could only work with children.
- 59:25You could only work with those who are diagnosed with autism
- 59:27only only that was like the law. So that means if someone.
- 59:32Had ADHD or? And which you could really help
- 59:34them? Yeah, you can practice on.
- 59:36The OR it's not covered or it's not covered.
- 59:38No, even private really. Yeah.
- 59:41Wow, so advocacy. That's close, but why not?
- 59:46But advocacy plays out in different ways.
- 59:48I can. Understand if someone said to
- 59:50me, you know, you're a doctor and insurance company says,
- 59:53listen, we'll cover, you know, with the Steve Jobs case because
- 59:56Steve Jobs had cancer, he tried to flush it out with like all
- 59:59strawberry, all fruit diet, right?
- 1:00:01And like his doctor was like, I think that's a cool idea.
- 1:00:03But like, I'm not going to like write your prescription for
- 1:00:05strawberries, right? Like you shouldn't be not
- 1:00:09allowed to like say hey, go try it.
- 1:00:12Like if insurance isn't covering it, why is it Like why is it,
- 1:00:15why is it anyone's business? So New York State understood it.
- 1:00:19So right, there's the science of the research, then there's the
- 1:00:21advocacy. And New York State understood it
- 1:00:26that their scope of practice is autism.
- 1:00:29OK so remember you asked me like why are ABA therapies?
- 1:00:32Only but there's plenty, but there's but other states.
- 1:00:35Well, this is when they made this law.
- 1:00:37This is like, you know at this point.
- 1:00:40ABA was emerging, right? OK, I got you.
- 1:00:42It's, it's a newer science, it's a newer therapy, which is
- 1:00:46obviously why over time it's, it's still advancing and it's
- 1:00:50still adjusting, right? It went from a rigid therapy
- 1:00:54because it was right off the side.
- 1:00:56Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To now it evolved to.
- 1:00:59You can see what it what else it applies to.
- 1:01:01Yeah, no, but not just what else it applies to, but how you apply
- 1:01:04it in the therapy setting has evolved to a more care focused,
- 1:01:10a more patient focus because we learned that you can't just take
- 1:01:15a science and apply. It can't be rigid like that.
- 1:01:17You got to be flexible. We're dealing with with, with,
- 1:01:21you know, families, people, and there's all those factors that
- 1:01:25are not just like in the lab, right?
- 1:01:27In real life, in real, in real life, outside of the lab, things
- 1:01:29are a lot. There's a lot.
- 1:01:30There's a lot more going on. Different factors.
- 1:01:35So that's, that's the ABA therapy, you know, the people
- 1:01:39that are do private pay and there's people, you know.
- 1:01:43They cover my insurance. They take insurance rather,
- 1:01:47yeah. The ABA therapy, so basically
- 1:01:50effective with that great often times we'll be speaking to our
- 1:01:54parent and I'll be describing someone to ABA therapy and
- 1:01:56they're like wow. Like that's just like I'm like,
- 1:02:00OK, so we're going to come in and put in a chart and you'll
- 1:02:04get your kid a candy or prizes or whatever at the end of thing.
- 1:02:08The parents like this is ABA therapy.
- 1:02:10Yeah. Like what?
- 1:02:11Like this I could do with myself.
- 1:02:13Yeah. It's not supposed to be
- 1:02:14complicated Yeah, it's very simple This is how behavior work
- 1:02:17often you as a teacher, you're applying principles of behavior
- 1:02:20analysis into your classroom. You just obviously don't know
- 1:02:22what behavior analysis is. Yeah, you're not like, Oh, I'm
- 1:02:24consciously. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, right.
- 1:02:26But if I would go through all the things or I would come and
- 1:02:28sit in your classroom for a day, I could probably give you a
- 1:02:30whole list of all the principles you touched on.
- 1:02:33So it's. You do that one time, you should
- 1:02:35come by. I'd love to, but I don't.
- 1:02:38Know why not? You can come to the school.
- 1:02:39I don't want to disturb your classes dude.
- 1:02:41No, like disturbed, there's no way disturbing, there's no more
- 1:02:46disturbing that goes on. So it's.
- 1:02:49It's good I'm. Curious to hear what you thought
- 1:02:50because especially I teach 9th, 12th and 10th super
- 1:02:54fundamentally different ages, right?
- 1:02:59Just to cut you off, please, because I love doing.
- 1:03:01That, yeah, I do too well on the side, yeah.
- 1:03:03But let's say ABA therapy. So I obviously I have ABA
- 1:03:06therapy company. New York, New Jersey, Florida,
- 1:03:09whatever. I'm growing.
- 1:03:11We service. Thank God.
- 1:03:12Yeah, we service children, teenagers and adults.
- 1:03:17It looks very. Different.
- 1:03:18I believe it. But it's the same principles.
- 1:03:20Right. I believe that too, by the way.
- 1:03:22So. That that's what comes out
- 1:03:24there. I I hear from other therapists
- 1:03:26all the time. They're like what?
- 1:03:26You service a 26 year old. You know, we even had an adult
- 1:03:31reach out for service themselves.
- 1:03:32Not not through a parent. It it looks different, but it's
- 1:03:36the same. Yeah, I believe it because these
- 1:03:37principles work. That's the science works.
- 1:03:40The science is not wrong. You want to tell me how this
- 1:03:43company is applying the science is ineffective or or or wrong,
- 1:03:47then OK, But the science can't be wrong.
- 1:03:50Very often and very often people are applying these principles.
- 1:03:56They're like, ABA doesn't work, ABA doesn't work.
- 1:03:58I have an effective way and they're just applying the
- 1:04:00principles. So yeah.
- 1:04:02I'm curious what you think of this story and what you would
- 1:04:05like derive from it. But I, so I, the 12th grade
- 1:04:10class that I'm teaching now, my, they were my first class that I
- 1:04:13ever taught, right? So 9th, they were 9th graders
- 1:04:16for, you know, when I started teaching.
- 1:04:17And there's one, and there's one particular student who was
- 1:04:19super, super excited to be talking to or teaching again.
- 1:04:23And one of the reasons why is because in 9th grade, he was so
- 1:04:27creative and so eloquent and so good at like conjuring entire
- 1:04:34worlds in his head and then capturing it and writing it down
- 1:04:36or expressing it. Amazing, right?
- 1:04:38And I was so excited to teach him again.
- 1:04:39And yesterday I gave him a creative in the 12th graders.
- 1:04:42I'm not, we're not, I'm not working them too hard.
- 1:04:44And yesterday I gave him a assignment to do a creative
- 1:04:47story for 2 pages. And the student comes up to me
- 1:04:50and goes, what's the point in creativity?
- 1:04:52And like this, I couldn't believe that he said it to me,
- 1:04:56right? So I said, dude, I know you have
- 1:04:57it in you because I've seen it before.
- 1:05:00He goes, what are you talking about?
- 1:05:02And he just sat back down and, you know, talking to his friends
- 1:05:04and like not paying attention. And I went to my e-mail and I
- 1:05:07pulled up a couple of the things that stories that he wrote, the
- 1:05:10short stories that he wrote from 9th grade.
- 1:05:11And I was like, dude, come here. He came over and I showed him my
- 1:05:15screen and I showed him two of them.
- 1:05:18And he's like, who wrote this? I'm like, dude, you wrote this.
- 1:05:22And I was, he was like, I wrote that.
- 1:05:24I was like, yeah. I was like, I'm certain that
- 1:05:26you're creative and I'm certain that you have that.
- 1:05:28And he's like, and then like, like you saw some like switch in
- 1:05:31his head and he was like, yeah, OK, I got it.
- 1:05:34And then he sat down and he just.
- 1:05:35And he just got to it. And I was like, it was, it was,
- 1:05:39I mean, for a moment I was like legitimately upset, but not like
- 1:05:44upset, but like you're like, he's this kid was.
- 1:05:46He's messing with me. Not even that.
- 1:05:48I, I, I was sad. I, I was like this kid, like,
- 1:05:51and I was afraid of this happening.
- 1:05:53Actually, I remember when I was talking to my friends about that
- 1:05:57particular kid, I'm like, what I enjoyed about teaching 9th grade
- 1:05:59is that they're uninhibited and they're not afraid to be
- 1:06:01creative and to throw out crazy ideas and be wacky.
- 1:06:04And I was like, I wonder what that's going to be like when
- 1:06:06they're older. And now that I have him four
- 1:06:07years later and I'm like, no, he like, he, like, he lost it.
- 1:06:12But like, he didn't, you know, he just, he didn't, he didn't
- 1:06:14exercise that muscle at all for, for, for three years or for 2
- 1:06:171/2 years. So obviously my mind's like, you
- 1:06:21know. Yeah.
- 1:06:21What do you think about this I? Don't want to go down this
- 1:06:24rabbit hole, but the system and I don't want to go down this
- 1:06:29rabbit hole. I've thought about it tons of
- 1:06:31times. The system we have today school
- 1:06:34wise doesn't promote creativity. I'm not that.
- 1:06:37Yeah, All right. Now people are like, oh, so the
- 1:06:41school I have, I've actually put some thought to it.
- 1:06:44Now, I'm not going to say I'm like a genius and like, if I
- 1:06:47can't come up through the reason, yeah, I sure that
- 1:06:49there's some type of solution. But I haven't come up with with
- 1:06:55a way that we could have a school system that encourages
- 1:06:58creativity, that encourages, not encourages creativity, but that
- 1:07:01could be flexible in terms of whether it's creativity or
- 1:07:05whether it's, you know, being, you know, smaller classes,
- 1:07:10designing it and stuff like that.
- 1:07:11Sure. Just stuff like that.
- 1:07:13So if a child is being punished, so to speak, for his creativity,
- 1:07:17yeah, that's that's that's. I've seen it like myself, you
- 1:07:22know. It's a really hard line.
- 1:07:24It's a very slippery slope because what's being what's the
- 1:07:26difference between silly or not trying and being creative for a
- 1:07:28lot of a lot of times? When you're a teacher.
- 1:07:31So I have that teacher experience, but I also have that
- 1:07:33like a child, ADHD being put on meds, not getting behavioral
- 1:07:37therapy and like, see my brother, who also clearly had
- 1:07:40ADHD, getting sent from school to school to school.
- 1:07:43Yeah. And what that does to a kid who.
- 1:07:45Oh yeah. Self esteem.
- 1:07:46Oh, yeah. And it's.
- 1:07:47And it's not them. It's not.
- 1:07:49No, definitely not. It's not no.
- 1:07:51Not everyone is supposed to be a square.
- 1:07:53Not everyone is a square. But we're taking, we are taking
- 1:07:5525 to 30 kids and putting them in a room and saying.
- 1:07:58To shit show. Excuse my language.
- 1:08:00Yeah, it really is. Yeah, I guess we are going down
- 1:08:02this rabbit, but like, how are you going to have, how are you
- 1:08:04going to have 25 to 30 kids? Even 15, even 15 is hard.
- 1:08:09Even 1520, yeah, agreeing with that.
- 1:08:12How are you going to have classroom that's not chaotic but
- 1:08:16also proves creativity? Yeah.
- 1:08:19So what ends up happening is you have to come in, sit in your
- 1:08:21seat, you have one kid yelling that could destroy a whole.
- 1:08:24Class Yes. Yes.
- 1:08:28Who's that fault? I don't know.
- 1:08:30But you can't blame it on the teacher because they have 1520
- 1:08:32kids in there, right? You can't.
- 1:08:34Blame it on the kid because they're stuck by the desk for
- 1:08:3610. Hours.
- 1:08:36Can't blame it on the kid because forget A50, you know,
- 1:08:39forget everyone. That's cool.
- 1:08:41By the time they get to school, they've had a whole day.
- 1:08:43Yeah. Waited for the bus.
- 1:08:44Missed the bus? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 1:08:45Yeah. Woke up by the parents.
- 1:08:46Yeah. Yeah.
- 1:08:47All these things. Yeah.
- 1:08:48Who? But they had a long day and
- 1:08:50they're. They're sitting there.
- 1:08:51Yeah. And then there's also the point
- 1:08:54of people have to work. So like the homeschool model,
- 1:08:59you know? Doesn't always work.
- 1:09:00Right. It's not so practical for a lot
- 1:09:02of people. Yeah, you.
- 1:09:04Have a fan of homeschool? Just vaguely or as vague as
- 1:09:07possible. It's very hard because I'm a fan
- 1:09:10of a lot of stuff, but you could be a fan of something that could
- 1:09:13be totally taken out of context, right?
- 1:09:14You know what I mean? Yeah.
- 1:09:15So for the right people, you know, if a parent's overwhelm
- 1:09:19them, homeschooling the kid might do more, more damage.
- 1:09:23If you're talking about. And I've seen some homeschool
- 1:09:25situations like this where a group of local parents chip in
- 1:09:29for for a teacher. The teacher has six kids, seven
- 1:09:33kids in in their group. Yeah, they're outside.
- 1:09:37It's like more home based. So it's not in the classroom, so
- 1:09:39to speak. They're outside learning math.
- 1:09:42Then they just go inside. They have their lunch that I'm a
- 1:09:45fan. They have their social.
- 1:09:47Yeah. It's.
- 1:09:47Structure but loose structure structure.
- 1:09:51No, it doesn't have to be loose structure.
- 1:09:53It could say we're going outside now, we're giving you, we're
- 1:09:56having recess. Fun.
- 1:09:56But what you do outside, meaning that that's loose, yeah.
- 1:10:00Yeah, it could be a looser schedule, right?
- 1:10:02But to say loose structure, I'm not a fan of structure.
- 1:10:04And boundaries are very important.
- 1:10:06The kids. Children thrive on structure.
- 1:10:09And you see it in adults also. If they have structure, kids are
- 1:10:12going to push back on structure. They're always going to put
- 1:10:14track on structure, but they're going to thrive off that
- 1:10:16structure, right? So the answer is not no
- 1:10:18structure. The answer is structuring it in
- 1:10:21a flexible way. Yes, fine.
- 1:10:23Great way to put it. OK, Yeah.
- 1:10:24Excellent way to. Put it so.
- 1:10:25You could have a. Hitting your podcast rhythm over
- 1:10:28here. There you go.
- 1:10:29It's great. They're getting.
- 1:10:32Smooth. Now you're getting in the zone.
- 1:10:34You could, you could have a younger classroom that's doing
- 1:10:38big blocks of time. We're doing 11:50.
- 1:10:41We're doing one activity and this is the structure.
- 1:10:42No, everyone has to color it down, right?
- 1:10:44That's too long. But you can have a different
- 1:10:46class that's doing 15 minute increments of a structured
- 1:10:49activity. Yes, yes, that's catering to the
- 1:10:52kids. Yeah.
- 1:10:52And stuff like that. Yeah, bringing out the strong
- 1:10:54points and stuff like that. So the answer's no.
- 1:10:58The answer's no. Home school isn't the answer.
- 1:11:01And because how you do at home school is a big fact.
- 1:11:04Yes, for sure. Kids go to school for social.
- 1:11:07Yeah. And I see this because we, we
- 1:11:10you know, in, in some, in some of the places we work, we're
- 1:11:14dealing with a lot of middle school students now, 6th, 7th,
- 1:11:168th graders that are following up the system.
- 1:11:18They're not bad kids. They're not hitting the teacher.
- 1:11:20They're not being anyone. They are following out of the
- 1:11:22system. Yeah, because they don't have
- 1:11:24that drive to go to school. They don't have that motivation.
- 1:11:27Why would they? Well, what if you?
- 1:11:29Had presented well, they would be.
- 1:11:31Well, no, the actual education, who wants to learn unless
- 1:11:34there's something that they're learning their interests though,
- 1:11:37OK, sure. So that's one thing that can be
- 1:11:40motivating for a kid to go to school.
- 1:11:41What's the second thing? Social.
- 1:11:44If they have friends, if they're struggling socially, they may
- 1:11:48not want to go to school. They're not a bad kid, They just
- 1:11:50need those skills. Sure.
- 1:11:53That's my therapist side. They're like, but they just need
- 1:11:55those skills and taught them in a compassionate way, in a slow
- 1:11:58way. And there's great books out
- 1:12:00there for parents. There's a great book out there
- 1:12:02called Growing Friendships and it's social skills books and
- 1:12:05it's made for elementary kids and it's written in a very
- 1:12:09elementary school friendly way. What's it called?
- 1:12:13Growing Friendships by Doctor Kennedy and Moore.
- 1:12:16OK, extremely big fan of that and there's resources out there,
- 1:12:23but obviously I I think the nice that yeah, really schools don't
- 1:12:27do enough for teaching social skills.
- 1:12:30If someone wants a business idea, what's the this?
- 1:12:32If someone wants a business idea, create a create and
- 1:12:35implement a social skills program.
- 1:12:37And there are out there, but I don't think it's it's being
- 1:12:40mainstream for primary, first grade, for pre like
- 1:12:44kindergarten, everyone calls it, some people call it pre on a
- 1:12:46some people call it primary, some people call it
- 1:12:48kindergarten, kindergarten, first grade.
- 1:12:50Teach us this core social skills then.
- 1:12:52Which what are what are social skills that are important to
- 1:12:54emphasize there agreeability or sharing?
- 1:12:57Agreeability is not a social skill agreeing with someone.
- 1:13:00No, what you mean ability? No ability to work with people.
- 1:13:04Yeah, that's a social skill, listening.
- 1:13:06Listening is a huge one. Wait.
- 1:13:09And I think, I think I don't want to be that person, like,
- 1:13:12oh, people nowadays, whatever, they're terrible.
- 1:13:15But there's something to say that if adults aren't, you know,
- 1:13:19where, where kids learning social skills now from their
- 1:13:21from their parents. So often times you'll see a
- 1:13:25parent can't listen to another person's opinion and it's my way
- 1:13:28or the highway. The kid will have the same way.
- 1:13:30Yeah, because they're learning it that way.
- 1:13:31Yeah. But if we're coming in as a
- 1:13:33school and filling the need that we're supposed to be teaching
- 1:13:35that social skill. And don't get me wrong, even as
- 1:13:38a high school teacher, you could be teaching high school skills.
- 1:13:41I I emphasize. It very strongly it it looks a
- 1:13:43little bit different than teachers that can get our
- 1:13:45primary where they got our first grade where where they're the
- 1:13:48perfect candidate for it. But but it has to be taught.
- 1:13:56Yeah. Right.
- 1:13:57And and if they're going to learn from their parents that
- 1:13:59aren't listening to other people's with different
- 1:14:01opinions, that's also harder. Yeah.
- 1:14:04Another big social skill. And this is the I think one of
- 1:14:07the most important ones. Finding common grounds.
- 1:14:10Yes. OK, Dale Carnegie speaks in his
- 1:14:12book that's called Quote UN quote, Social Skills for Adults.
- 1:14:16And if you think about it, who did you hang out with when you
- 1:14:18were kids? Whatever you had most in common
- 1:14:21with. Yeah, it could be.
- 1:14:22You had one friend group that talked about sports and another
- 1:14:24friend group that talked about cars.
- 1:14:27It's actually the answer to tribal, tribal behavior, right?
- 1:14:29Because tribal behavior is noticing what's different about
- 1:14:31us, you know, tribal conflict, I guess, right?
- 1:14:34I had a friend, I had friends that come, that came to visit
- 1:14:36the community. I had like, I jumped around
- 1:14:39different like religious level type communities throughout my
- 1:14:41life. So I had a more modern Orthodox,
- 1:14:46you know, phase, I guess that what you'd call it or, or a
- 1:14:49point of my life where I'd hung hang out.
- 1:14:50I was more in that world. And they came to visit the
- 1:14:53community one time and they came to show and they saw all these
- 1:14:57guys wearing black hats and white shirts.
- 1:14:59And they're like, oh, we have nothing in common with these
- 1:15:00people and like, we're not going to talk to them.
- 1:15:02I kiddush. I'm like, what are you talking
- 1:15:05about? I'm like, dude, you guys have
- 1:15:06wives, you guys have kids. You guys are trying to put food
- 1:15:09on the table. You guys have jobs that either
- 1:15:10you like or don't like. You certainly had like these are
- 1:15:14a group of there's 3030 year olds in this room that all are
- 1:15:17in the same place in life as you are.
- 1:15:19Just because they're wearing a different hat than you doesn't
- 1:15:22mean that you guys have nothing in common.
- 1:15:23And I just want to point out this is not specific to any
- 1:15:26minor, orthodox or no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
- 1:15:27This is what people do. This is what people as a human
- 1:15:29beings do. People do it in.
- 1:15:31In everyday life, yeah, they in the room and.
- 1:15:33And before even speaking to them, they're like.
- 1:15:36Yeah. Yeah, but I'm in the business
- 1:15:40world. I can see someone, a mono
- 1:15:41orthodox person and then ultra orthodox person.
- 1:15:44And they have a, they're working together because they they took
- 1:15:47the time to speak to each other and they.
- 1:15:48Have a lot of common. A lot of common.
- 1:15:50And believe it or not, we all have a lot of common for sure,
- 1:15:54whether if I have an interest in something and you hate that,
- 1:15:57that's a common thing, Yeah. And we can discuss that and and
- 1:16:01depending on how I. Don't know how, it's how it's
- 1:16:04presented. How it's presented, yeah.
- 1:16:05It's not like me against you. It's more like conversation, the
- 1:16:08exchanging. Of ideas as opposed to trying to
- 1:16:10see who's right. Yeah.
- 1:16:12So, yeah, very often we do that and that's an important social
- 1:16:16skill. I think people don't realize it,
- 1:16:20but these are all different social skills that I don't think
- 1:16:24kids are taught. And if a kid is not socially
- 1:16:26driven to school, why would they go to school?
- 1:16:28Tell me what's the reason why your kid?
- 1:16:30The reason why I hated high school the first two years
- 1:16:32because I didn't I didn't like the kids that were there.
- 1:16:35It was but. How would you go?
- 1:16:37I didn't. I didn't want to.
- 1:16:38Right to learn. Well I was doing badly in school
- 1:16:40too so I thought that I wasn't learning or getting friends and
- 1:16:42I was like but over 2. For most kids, every kid's
- 1:16:46different. Now, some kids will enjoy that
- 1:16:48intellectual conversation and some kids will first say, I have
- 1:16:51the greatest science teacher. I'm going to school for my
- 1:16:54science teacher, forget about friends.
- 1:16:55But for what I often see is like, kids are not academic
- 1:17:00driven, right? We're putting them in this box.
- 1:17:03And then they may be missing social skills and struggling
- 1:17:05socially and that's it. They're like, I can't go to
- 1:17:09school. I'm not going to go to school.
- 1:17:12And it's not so much of the parents forcing them to school
- 1:17:15because there's two parts. Yes, the parents should have a
- 1:17:17balance. Your best you'll have to go to
- 1:17:19school if there's a structure. I'm a big fan of kids taking
- 1:17:21off. Yeah, me too.
- 1:17:23But kids taking off plants off days.
- 1:17:24Yeah, mental health days. My plan you.
- 1:17:28Know this is something I discussed with my wife before
- 1:17:30before we got married it's like a kid says like wow you know
- 1:17:34kids struggling yeah you want to take off Thursday you take off
- 1:17:37Thursday yeah no waking up Monday morning and say I'm
- 1:17:39thinking of studying that's not resilience that's not teaching
- 1:17:42them resilience you want to wake up Monday and it's a hard day
- 1:17:45that's interesting you're going to push through that's really
- 1:17:47interesting that's just my. That's a great way.
- 1:17:49That's a great way to put it, because once you're already
- 1:17:52committed to the day, you got to be committed.
- 1:17:53To the day it's pushing through. Why are people not so resilient
- 1:17:56nowadays? And I don't know, I'm not saying
- 1:17:59this as like a yeah, you see it, People aren't pushing through.
- 1:18:03It because you have a lot of convenience and so there's a lot
- 1:18:05of roundabout ways to get what you want without having to work
- 1:18:07hard. I think it's also that people
- 1:18:09are taught that they don't have to be resilient.
- 1:18:11You have a hard test. OK Let me ask the teacher if we
- 1:18:14could take it a different day. You know, you're having a hard
- 1:18:18day. OK Science, you stay home today.
- 1:18:20No, a planned off day. I'm a big fan of planned off
- 1:18:23days. But it's a really interesting
- 1:18:24idea, I never heard of it presented like that.
- 1:18:27But waking up in the moment sick is totally different.
- 1:18:31Even when you're working on skills, you know someone being
- 1:18:33sick. Yeah.
- 1:18:34What are you going? To do is it's not something you
- 1:18:36know now if it becomes a common thing and it becomes it's like a
- 1:18:39fake thing, OK, that's a different story.
- 1:18:41Planned off days is a way you push through that hardship and
- 1:18:45that builds builds resilience. But giving that them the off
- 1:18:48day, giving them that, I feel like I went on a little bit.
- 1:18:51Of a no, no, we're, we're, we're, we're flowing.
- 1:18:53But I I don't remember how we got.
- 1:18:55Here you got here because of my classroom, because that's not my
- 1:18:57student, remember, and a student that I thought was creative that
- 1:18:59is creative that. Is creative, but they're not.
- 1:19:01And we said we learned something along the way in those two years
- 1:19:04between him having me as a freshman and him having me as a
- 1:19:06senior, where he felt like, what's the point of creativity?
- 1:19:09And he hasn't exercised that muscle, even though it was so
- 1:19:11potent at such a young age. Going back to that also, you're
- 1:19:15a unique teacher. Yeah, I think so.
- 1:19:17I've never been in your classroom just from hearing used
- 1:19:19to be just from hearing a bat in your classroom.
- 1:19:22I think the way you run a classroom is unique.
- 1:19:25Now that being thing, your class may have promoted creativity.
- 1:19:30So 9th grade is you're you're promoting creativity with them.
- 1:19:34Other teachers along the way didn't promote that creativity.
- 1:19:37And he's like, I have to hide this.
- 1:19:39Yeah, I have to hide it so I could.
- 1:19:40Say that's sad to me. It is sad.
- 1:19:42It's very sad to me. But as parents, we got to be, we
- 1:19:45got to, we got to, you know, each kid is unique.
- 1:19:49I, I see it with my, my 2 girls, like one has a strong
- 1:19:52personality and, and I was discussing another.
- 1:19:55We have to learn. And I, I'm like, I'm like, oh,
- 1:19:58I'm a therapist. So like, you know, or I'm a, you
- 1:20:01know, I have this knowledge or no, we have to learn how to
- 1:20:05build her personality, not make excuses for it.
- 1:20:09Yeah. Right.
- 1:20:10Well, she's not going to, I don't, I'm not going to looking
- 1:20:11to give her off because she has a personality.
- 1:20:13I'm looking to invest and promote her to to to thrive on
- 1:20:18her personality. You know, obviously have the
- 1:20:23have the good parts of the personality really shine and the
- 1:20:26parts that come along with it, you know, minimize it and learn
- 1:20:29how to navigate it. And my other daughter is not
- 1:20:33such a strong personality. She's a happy go lucky.
- 1:20:35Yeah, it's a it's, it's, it's a different parenting style.
- 1:20:39Yeah. It's not the same one box.
- 1:20:40It's all. So there's also, you know, we
- 1:20:42could blame it on schools all we want, but there's a home piece
- 1:20:44also that huge that people people have to realize that it's
- 1:20:48on you. Too, You can't hand on You can't
- 1:20:49hand on the responsibility of parenthood to a teacher.
- 1:20:53There's so there's a whole structure.
- 1:20:55Like I said before, parents, not parents like children thrive on
- 1:21:00structure. So you want to say that
- 1:21:02homeschool thing very often and I'm I hate to be this
- 1:21:06characteristic person like sit like character categorized, but
- 1:21:10I find I find that homeschool people are more lenient when it
- 1:21:14comes to boundaries and structure.
- 1:21:18Then it takes away from what the kid thrives on.
- 1:21:20We were talking about before. So I'm also a sleep sleep
- 1:21:24specialist, like a certified sleep specialist.
- 1:21:25That's cool. So yeah, it's a whole another
- 1:21:28like angle and sleep and understanding how sleep works.
- 1:21:30But a lot of it is structure, setting up that routine,
- 1:21:33bedtime, that routine for that child.
- 1:21:36And that's the hardest of the parents because they're like, I
- 1:21:39have to put my kid to bed at 6:00.
- 1:21:41I want to go out with friends, whatever.
- 1:21:43But having that routine is that structure that the kids thrive
- 1:21:45on, right? The kid has a faulty stimulus
- 1:21:48that when it gets dark, I can go to sleep.
- 1:21:51And I went to go to sleep early. And then some of them go to
- 1:21:53sleep late. But if you're focused on that,
- 1:21:55like this is the routine. Shower, snack, brush your teeth.
- 1:22:00Yeah, read a book, read a book in bed or read a book and then
- 1:22:04bed, then that that's going to teach them like, oh, I do these
- 1:22:07steps. I'm going to get sleepy
- 1:22:09automatically. Yeah.
- 1:22:10And the more and I've seen it it.
- 1:22:12Usually requires patience, by the way, I've noticed because
- 1:22:15like even times like let's say like with shoe, I got my son,
- 1:22:18you know, there'll be times where he's not tired at a
- 1:22:20certain point and like we try to like force him into bed and he's
- 1:22:23just not like you could tell you're just not ready to go to
- 1:22:25bed yet. And so I'll have to read another
- 1:22:27book and even though it's not what I really want to do or
- 1:22:30like, you know, like what I'm think I'm like I, I have other
- 1:22:33things I have to be doing now. But being patients, reading that
- 1:22:36book again, reading another book with him if he's not ready to go
- 1:22:39to sleep yet is just continuing that like calming environment
- 1:22:44trajectory that he needs to get get settled in for bed.
- 1:22:47Structure doesn't mean that you can't be flexible.
- 1:22:50That's what I think people people have a hard time with
- 1:22:52that balance. So what?
- 1:22:54So let's define structure and flexibility then, so that people
- 1:22:57understand what the difference would.
- 1:22:59Be I don't think I'm going to ask you for your help on this
- 1:23:01one, OK? But I would say structure is
- 1:23:03let's say having let's say let's you're talking the bedtime
- 1:23:06routine. So I talk about bedtime routine
- 1:23:07that structure, OK? We're going to be flexible.
- 1:23:10It's going to start between 5:45 and 6:15.
- 1:23:13OK, right. So we're going to be a little
- 1:23:15flexible like that. Or it's going to usually start
- 1:23:17for I-45, but the kid took a nap during the day, so we're going
- 1:23:20to have to start it later. The kids not tired, clearly.
- 1:23:23So we're going to start. It be flexible with when the
- 1:23:25structure occurs, but you still need that structure within that,
- 1:23:29right? So it's it's.
- 1:23:31That's a good way of putting it. And that's keeping the structure
- 1:23:34but not throwing it out the window.
- 1:23:36That's really cool. And that Would you say it's
- 1:23:38hard? I'm a parent and kudos to my
- 1:23:41wife. She puts in a lot of the hard
- 1:23:42work and, you know, every day and like, a lot of it falls on
- 1:23:46her. Yeah.
- 1:23:47And she's, you know, very, very onto the sleep schedule.
- 1:23:51Probably more, you know, Mm hmm. Not, not rigid, but more on top
- 1:23:55of it than me. Yeah.
- 1:23:57And it's hard. You know, it's like, especially
- 1:24:00when when the baby, when the girls were younger, it's like,
- 1:24:03OK, no, we can't go out. No, we can't go to the party or
- 1:24:06we can't go to a test unless we have it's all set up.
- 1:24:09Or we could go only go after the Yeah at.
- 1:24:11This point. So it takes a sacrifice, but I,
- 1:24:15I think I don't, I don't know of anyone that would say that
- 1:24:18parenting is not a successful parenting doesn't take a
- 1:24:21sacrifice. It takes constant sacrifice.
- 1:24:24But that's part of, you know. What it is?
- 1:24:27The the pride and what you're building.
- 1:24:31But when you when you see it. And you and you grow if you're
- 1:24:34not because a lot of times you're not forced to be where
- 1:24:37our brains are evolving as as we take on different
- 1:24:39responsibilities. Well, I think also the hard part
- 1:24:43about about parenting is changing our behaviors, right?
- 1:24:47Yeah, you know, I still walk out of the house sometimes with my
- 1:24:50six month old daughter without a diaper and I can't believe I
- 1:24:52love that. I I I left it for an hour and a
- 1:24:55half and like, I'm assuming she's not going to go to the
- 1:24:57bathroom. It's so stupid of me but.
- 1:25:00I can say I'm guilty of that as well.
- 1:25:02It's it's also like I have two girls.
- 1:25:06So I don't know if you see the, you know, the difference.
- 1:25:09Oh yeah. And she was since since my
- 1:25:12daughter was born, you can see the.
- 1:25:13Difference as like I have a 2 year old, a four year old and
- 1:25:18and they're so different. That makes me say like I can't
- 1:25:21do the regular way I'm doing for one for the other.
- 1:25:23That's a conscious thing. That's more effort.
- 1:25:24That's me changing myself, that's me working myself and
- 1:25:27ultimately I'm I'm a better. Person as dimensions to who you
- 1:25:29are for sure. In depth.
- 1:25:31Excuse me? Yeah.
- 1:25:33So it's, I think that's that that structure, the flexible
- 1:25:36flexibility within the structure is important, but structure is
- 1:25:40important, you know. And customize structure
- 1:25:43depending on who you're dealing with.
- 1:25:44Yeah, it's also, it's one of those things where where
- 1:25:47sometimes I know we learned from the science to like now talking
- 1:25:50about like application, but parents will often like
- 1:25:55threaten, so to speak, but not follow through.
- 1:25:59And one of my mentors told me this.
- 1:26:01And then obviously once I went into to the science and the
- 1:26:04therapy and became certified, I'm like this.
- 1:26:06I learned this. Yeah, you don't say no often,
- 1:26:09but when you say no, you got to keep it.
- 1:26:10Yeah. So me and my wife, like if we by
- 1:26:15mistake say a threat and we know it's going to be hard to keep
- 1:26:18it, we both look at each other and we're like, now we have to
- 1:26:20keep it. Like if we say if you don't, you
- 1:26:23know, do this, then we're going to have to leave the party.
- 1:26:26We just hurt ourselves. Now we have to leave the party.
- 1:26:30So we we refrain from saying that unless it's a serious thing
- 1:26:33that that that's really interesting that that should we
- 1:26:36should be leaving the party for. I just gave that example.
- 1:26:39But it goes in any area, right? Don't tell your kid no.
- 1:26:43They can't have a candy if you're going to end up giving
- 1:26:45them the candy when they want it.
- 1:26:49Now, you could say no. And if you regret it, you would
- 1:26:53say the answer's still no. But if you would like to earn
- 1:26:55it, here's a way. Yeah.
- 1:26:56So now you didn't throw out your no.
- 1:26:59You change the game. You change the game and you're
- 1:27:01giving them an option to get what they want.
- 1:27:04So that's always a way that people could be flexible when
- 1:27:07they were originally not flexible and that also.
- 1:27:09Teaches it also teaches the process of having to invest
- 1:27:13effort into getting a reward. Which is extremely important.
- 1:27:16And I think people often will say about ABA therapy like it's
- 1:27:21bribery. It's not bribery.
- 1:27:24You go to work. How would it be considered
- 1:27:25bribery? Why?
- 1:27:26Because I don't know anything about ABA.
- 1:27:28So let's just say I, you know, we wanted to work on something
- 1:27:32with my, my Lily, you know, and I said, if you do this, I'm
- 1:27:38going to give you a can, right? Some people will say, oh, that's
- 1:27:42bribery, right? Yeah.
- 1:27:44But I'm like, no, I'm reinforcing them.
- 1:27:47And also everything's kind of a bribery, like where do we live
- 1:27:50As for money? But that's not bribery.
- 1:27:53Well, it is because I can't. I can't.
- 1:27:57Well, sure, you know, and then and obviously there's more
- 1:28:01dynamics, power dynamics in play, you know, between like
- 1:28:04let's say an employer or an employee or you know, someone
- 1:28:07that like is depending on someone's paycheck or not.
- 1:28:10Life works with being with behavior and reinforcement and
- 1:28:14obviously might not be as rigid as I said in the beginning or
- 1:28:18like in line as I said in the beginning, but it may be going
- 1:28:21to work and then getting that reinforcement after two weeks or
- 1:28:234 weeks whenever the paid time is So what you're teaching a
- 1:28:26kid. Like is that is that?
- 1:28:29Yeah. And then slowly, you know, a
- 1:28:31goal and in the therapy, which is often done and in the in the
- 1:28:34research it's often done, is we spread that time from the
- 1:28:37behaviour to the reward or reinforcement.
- 1:28:41Spread it, you spread it, spread it.
- 1:28:42The ultimate goal is that they should be able to wait.
- 1:28:44Why? That's what real life's about.
- 1:28:47Now what I what my opinion and I think I got this from Doctor
- 1:28:50Amanda Kelly who she goes by Behaviour Babe.
- 1:28:53She behaviour babe, yeah. She has a great podcast.
- 1:28:55Good stuff. What's the difference between
- 1:28:58reinforcement and bribery? You want to give a shout at it?
- 1:29:03Bribery would be something would be an action that, I'm sorry,
- 1:29:09bribery. Bribery would be something that
- 1:29:11the person doesn't feel any value about their action.
- 1:29:14They're neutral about the action.
- 1:29:18They just want the end consequence.
- 1:29:20And then reinforcement would be that the process is important.
- 1:29:25It's it's emphasizing the value of the process and the positive
- 1:29:29consequences as a result of it. So what she says.
- 1:29:32And I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to give like a a little
- 1:29:35rebuttal. Not not to.
- 1:29:36Sure. Yeah, of course.
- 1:29:37I I that's just a guess I have. No, I, I like, I like, I like
- 1:29:39what you're saying because I think that.
- 1:29:41Like bribing someone to do something they don't give, they
- 1:29:42don't care about. And so like, they're like, Oh
- 1:29:44yeah, I'll just do this because like, I'm getting something out
- 1:29:46of it. But if you teach someone that
- 1:29:47running is good for you, it'd be like the process of running is
- 1:29:50actually healthy and to get a consequence that I like.
- 1:29:52You could reinforce someone for the same thing, yeah.
- 1:29:54OK, so what's the? Difference.
- 1:29:55I think Behavior Wave says it like, you know, Doctor Amanda
- 1:29:58Kelly says it right. She says it's about when you
- 1:30:01offer the reward, sort of. When you offer the reward.
- 1:30:04If you're like, hey, fine, can you bring this inside?
- 1:30:08And you're like, no, he said. If you bring it inside, I'll
- 1:30:10give you a candy. I just brought you when I come
- 1:30:13to you, fine, if you bring this inside, I'll give you a candy.
- 1:30:16See the difference? Yeah, yeah.
- 1:30:21So that here, do this, if you do this, I'm going to get you're
- 1:30:25going to get this. That's like setting up the
- 1:30:27reinforcement. But if I'm going to say
- 1:30:29something and then you're going to say no and I'm going to say
- 1:30:33if you do it, then you're going to get this.
- 1:30:35That's bribery. Now, if I say if I am bring this
- 1:30:39in and you say sure, I can still give you that, that consequence
- 1:30:44of reinforcement after and say, hey, great job.
- 1:30:46Yeah. And that's still reinforcement
- 1:30:47because it, yeah, it'll increase your likelihood when I asked you
- 1:30:50to do something to do it again. There's actually a book called
- 1:30:53Don't Shoot the Dog. OK, A.
- 1:30:55Lot of action. Yeah, I do.
- 1:30:56These iguanas are super busy. There's a book called Don't
- 1:31:02Shoot the Dog and it focuses just on constant on
- 1:31:06reinforcement, shaping behavior by using reinforcement, not
- 1:31:10punishment. I highly recommend the book,
- 1:31:14recommend it for parents, recommend it for anyone.
- 1:31:17It's really cool. The book is a little bit more
- 1:31:19focused on training. The idea is the person was an
- 1:31:23adult trainer don't shoot the dog.
- 1:31:24But in it, the concepts are very much applied.
- 1:31:28There's a story how you know a woman was married to someone
- 1:31:32that was displaying abusive behavior.
- 1:31:35Now if someone's in an abusive relationship, get the get the
- 1:31:37help you need. Like this is not the this is not
- 1:31:40the answer, but something that he would say nasty comments.
- 1:31:44And I think even like the father-in-law also lived there
- 1:31:46and we're also and she's so and she slowly shaped their behavior
- 1:31:53by reinforcing them for when they said good things and like
- 1:31:57basically ignoring when they they didn't say the nice things.
- 1:32:02And over time, they became they. They stopped.
- 1:32:05Really. They stopped displaying music
- 1:32:07behavior. For those nasty comments and
- 1:32:09stuff like that. Based.
- 1:32:10Wow. It's, it's the these principles.
- 1:32:13It's. Got to be a tough cookie though.
- 1:32:13To be able to to put that for long enough, you got to be.
- 1:32:16Consistent. Yeah.
- 1:32:17I don't know if saying this is the answer.
- 1:32:18If someone's in a recent relationship, get the help you
- 1:32:20need and there's help out there. You're able to shape behavior.
- 1:32:26These principles work. That's right.
- 1:32:28Nobody can tell me it doesn't work.
- 1:32:29Yeah, I've seen it work. And and there's a whole, you
- 1:32:32know, going back to ABA therapy. There's also another section
- 1:32:34called Organizational Behavioral Management.
- 1:32:36They have their own journal now, but the same science just
- 1:32:39applied in businesses. If you want to make, if someone
- 1:32:43has a business and they want their employees to be more, more
- 1:32:46effective, profitable, not the employees to be more profitable,
- 1:32:49but more, you know, they want to do the job better and, or
- 1:32:51happier and stuff like that. They'll come in, they'll survey
- 1:32:55the situation and use the same principles, apply it there and,
- 1:32:58and see their success. So there's there's that, there's
- 1:33:05that part that that behavior could be shaped.
- 1:33:09I know we went from from the bribery reinforcement thing, but
- 1:33:12I think we closed off the bribery reinforcement place and
- 1:33:15going off that reinforcement piece, it's very effective in
- 1:33:18shaping behavior. What, what if you present it
- 1:33:21properly, it could shape behavior over time.
- 1:33:23There's don't shoot the dog do. You think it helps to explain
- 1:33:27what you're doing either during or after so that they could so
- 1:33:30they understand it for themselves.
- 1:33:32Like it doesn't give it away to like.
- 1:33:33Like it doesn't ruin the magic to see how the trick is to see
- 1:33:36how they do the trick. Give me an example what you're
- 1:33:38saying because it's that's a very it.
- 1:33:40Like I told myself, I'll tell my students for like again
- 1:33:42yesterday with the case of the kid that cursed yesterday,
- 1:33:44right? And like I said to him flat out,
- 1:33:47the reason I'm sending you out is because it is important that
- 1:33:51you do not get used to this behavior without seeing that
- 1:33:55there's negative repercussions. And I'd much rather you have a
- 1:33:57negative repercussion here in the classroom where you don't
- 1:34:00want to get thrown out of an environment you want to be in.
- 1:34:02Then when it comes to real, and that's actually there's the
- 1:34:05anxious generation with Jonathan Hay.
- 1:34:07Yeah, awesome book, amazing book.
- 1:34:09But one of the things that he says was low state consequences,
- 1:34:12right? I'd rather deal with the
- 1:34:13consequences right now in the classroom where worse comes to
- 1:34:17worse. Right now, the worst case
- 1:34:18scenario for you is that you're not here for the rest of the
- 1:34:20day. In in the real world, the worst
- 1:34:22case, this scenario could be a lot worse.
- 1:34:23I'm teaching you what to do now to avoid that in the future.
- 1:34:26There's a term of that in ABA like, you know, if you would
- 1:34:31prefer something now sort of later, but going on that, yes,
- 1:34:36it's important to clarify that's that's bringing the human, the
- 1:34:39human part of, you know, with an animal, you may not.
- 1:34:43Explain that of course not going to say the gold search.
- 1:34:45Why? Why?
- 1:34:47If you they spoil on a circle, you're giving them the thing.
- 1:34:50But it's very important. The only thing I'm going to add
- 1:34:53on in the classroom setting, and this is me being, you know,
- 1:34:55giving my unsolicited advice. You got up and said that in
- 1:34:58front of the classroom. That's also maybe reinforcing
- 1:35:00them by giving them attention. But if you pull them aside and
- 1:35:03you said I'm sending you out because I need you to learn that
- 1:35:07this is this is not, this is not acceptable and we can't have it.
- 1:35:12Right. And this goes back to what you
- 1:35:13were saying earlier that they could be reinforcing the fact he
- 1:35:15didn't want to be in class. So if he said.
- 1:35:17And this only or he wants attention.
- 1:35:18Or he wants attention, right. But this is the presumption that
- 1:35:20he wants to be there and that he's actually losing out on
- 1:35:22something. That he's actually losing out on
- 1:35:24something that he wants to participate in.
- 1:35:26Yeah, that's that's that's an assumption.
- 1:35:27Right, So that that's how often people say like I punish my kid
- 1:35:31and then either they're threatening, not following
- 1:35:33through. They they're, they when they do
- 1:35:36follow through is very inconsistent or their punishment
- 1:35:42is actually reinforcing it because it's giving them what
- 1:35:44they want, whether it's added activity or added, you know, or
- 1:35:50another one is if their punishment gives them attention.
- 1:35:55So now, even though the punishment may not be what they
- 1:35:58want, but they're reinforcing. It there's no such thing as bad
- 1:36:00as bad press, there's no such thing as bad attention.
- 1:36:03Is that, I think, a bad publicity?
- 1:36:05If it so, it's very important how you how you.
- 1:36:08Become the class clown. It becomes exciting to you, you.
- 1:36:11And that's that's your role now. Even become your identity.
- 1:36:15There's a great Billy Strings line.
- 1:36:16I used to be the class clown. Now I'm just a fool.
- 1:36:18You know, I used to be, I used to be so funny and I'm just an
- 1:36:21idiot. So these these principles are
- 1:36:22applied in all these different ways.
- 1:36:24And there's a lot of, you know, moon part.
- 1:36:26There's also a book, I'm sure you read it, Atomic Habits.
- 1:36:29No. Really.
- 1:36:30You're totally you. Know why it's too cliche?
- 1:36:33It's it's too out there for me to read.
- 1:36:34It's too it's too pop. And when their mom read it, I'm
- 1:36:38like Tupac Tupac. I have a resistance story
- 1:36:41though. I want to be honest, I didn't
- 1:36:44read it, but I I have a bundle that read it and he was giving
- 1:36:46me yeah, these are all behavioral principles.
- 1:36:48These are all based on behavior analysis.
- 1:36:50There's a reason why it's effective and it works.
- 1:36:51Yeah. And then I reached out to the
- 1:36:53author to do a podcast. Oh yeah, yeah.
- 1:36:55I don't think they ever got back to me, but that's a.
- 1:36:57Great. Probably because they didn't
- 1:36:58read it. Yeah, James Claire or something.
- 1:37:01But those behavioral principles work and it's about when people
- 1:37:09implement their, their the principles, how you implement
- 1:37:13them is, is what they call bedside manner, right?
- 1:37:16You have two doctors implementing the same thing.
- 1:37:19And there's many different applications of this science
- 1:37:21with, with making businesses more profitable or employees.
- 1:37:26There's so many different parts of the science.
- 1:37:29That's what gets me excited. Yeah, it's fine and it's
- 1:37:32nothing. It's nothing novel because
- 1:37:33anyone who learns learns the possibles is like, oh, this all
- 1:37:36this makes sense. Yeah, I see it.
- 1:37:38Which is one of our one of our one of the things in in behavior
- 1:37:44analysis is parsimony, which is like the simplest answer first.
- 1:37:47Yeah, of course. So.
- 1:37:51Yeah. And a lot of these ideas, like
- 1:37:52you said, like there's a beginning of the charm where
- 1:37:55it's like none of these ideas are new.
- 1:37:57These are all just things that we need to be constantly
- 1:37:58reminded of because they they tend to fall from our conscious,
- 1:38:01from our conscious awareness. But like, that's why you need to
- 1:38:04work on them. But like you're not going to be
- 1:38:05surprised to hear like most of this stuff like.
- 1:38:08It's like I just hired an employee and they're like, oh,
- 1:38:12I'm not sure. Like Twitter.
- 1:38:13I'm like, I told all my employees the same thing.
- 1:38:17You have to learn something sometime.
- 1:38:19So faking it doesn't help you. Yeah.
- 1:38:22And making and me expecting you that you know it is not going to
- 1:38:24help you either. Yeah, of course you don't know
- 1:38:26it. Let's learn it.
- 1:38:27Yeah, you learn it now you know it.
- 1:38:29So that's what I think also it's important for like we have to
- 1:38:33learn something to know something.
- 1:38:34So if we were never taught like how behavior works or, or, or
- 1:38:38like the parenting strategies, there's an amazing book that
- 1:38:41they're parenting the strong willed child.
- 1:38:43Never heard of it. Yeah, you did.
- 1:38:44Yeah. So that is written by a bunch of
- 1:38:46behavior analysts, a doctor, obviously, but they that whole
- 1:38:53thing is built on the principles of behavior and it's extremely
- 1:38:56effective. And it and it discusses
- 1:38:57developing the relationship with your child, because if you're
- 1:39:00working on a on a skill with your child, you have to have
- 1:39:03that relationship before you, you know, you start bossing them
- 1:39:06around. But it's really cool.
- 1:39:07And how this all plays into addiction.
- 1:39:10It's a whole nother. Yeah.
- 1:39:12So it's good stuff. Love it.
- 1:39:15Well, what do you think about your first podcast?
- 1:39:18I think, listen, I learned I got to jump more into the this is,
- 1:39:21this is great. You really find you really find
- 1:39:23you're OK. Well, thank you.
- 1:39:25Do Part 2 now that you did this, and we'll figure out another
- 1:39:28time we could dive into addiction and all this other fun
- 1:39:30stuff, I'm sure. And then you got to come to my
- 1:39:33classroom one time. Oh, I'm going to.
- 1:39:34Be so excited. Thank you again for having me
- 1:39:36on. I appreciate it.
- 1:39:37It's good to break dice. So happy you did this.
- 1:39:39All right. Bye, everyone.
- 1:39:40Goodbye, everyone. Bye.
- 1:39:41Bye.