Latest / Beliefs, Ballots, And BullDawgs / September 9, 2026
Transcript
- Greg: Hello, welcome back everybody to the latest episode of Beliefs, Ballads, and Bulldogs. I'm your host, Greg Miller. Today is Wednesday, September 9th. Had to think about that one for a little while. ⁓ and we are going to ⁓ we're gonna tread lightly today, but I am going to attempt something that ⁓ well, as usual, I am very unqualified to do ⁓ to attempt, and despite my typical underachieving self, I say, hey, that's never stopped you before. Let's let's go at this. So I've been asked by by a handful of people to to try to put together a an episode of, you know, specifically talking about marriage, ⁓ as it as it relates to just, you know, today's society and cultural challenges and things like that. And you know, we've talked about marriage and we've we've discussed it here and there. But this is this is kind of my real attempt to to put it all together in one nice long episode. ⁓ so this one might get a little bit lengthy, a little bit wordy, but ⁓ this is this is my attempt to to say what I thought and put it all out there for posterity's sakes and Who knows, maybe this ⁓ maybe this can help somebody. Yeah, I can't figure out how or or when it actually started, but I I keep coming back to the idea that you know, there seems to just be so much tension, so much hatred, and so much animosity these days. And obviously that can't be the way it was supposed to be. But modern culture has turned men and women ⁓ into competitors and and marriage these days as as more of a battlefield. ⁓ so we're we're gonna talk about it. We're gonna talk about things that probably aren't gonna make some of you guys happy. ⁓ we're gonna talk about men, we're gonna talk about women, we're we're gonna talk about marriage and feminism and masculinity and ⁓ that dreaded S word, submission and leadership, sex, independence, divorce, social media, and all the cultural influences and just everything that's been happening between men and women ⁓ for for quite a long time now. ⁓ and look, I'm not gonna spend the next 40 minutes trying to make everybody feel comfortable. That that's that's not where we are. We I think we've got a problem here. ⁓ and truthfully, I think it's a relatively big one. And I I think some of the consequences are starting to manifest, and we're really starting to see ⁓ some of what has happened because of some of these things. ⁓ men and women these days just seem to understand each other less and less. ⁓ trust is down, ⁓ marriage is just so much harder. ⁓ people on both sides are just so much more suspicious of the opposite sex. ⁓ men are constantly being told that women don't need them. Women are being told that men can't be trusted. Men these days are being told to protect themselves from marriage while women are being told to protect themselves from men. And then we all look around and and kind of figure out, wait, why why are relationships so difficult? Well, maybe we shouldn't be surprised. We have we have spent decades upon decades telling men and women that they're competitors, that independence is better than interdependence. That compromise means weakness, that submission means oppression, and that sacrifice means you're being used. That your happiness should be your top and always your biggest priority. And that if your relationship stops making you happy, well, hey, there's always another option out there. And that's where I'm going to say something very plainly here. I I don't believe that is God's design for men and women. I believe God created men and women differently on purpose. I believe he gave them equal dignity, but complementary roles. I I believe he designed marriage to be a covenant, not a consumer contract. And I believe we've taken something God designed to unite men and women and turn it into an absolute battlefield. So today I I want to do something really, really simple. I want to put culture on one side, the Bible on the other side, and ask which one of these items knows what it's talking about when it comes to marriage and relationships. Obviously, if we're gonna if we're gonna talk about God's design for marriage, we don't start today. We don't start here in twenty twenty-six. We go all the way back to Genesis. Genesis chapter one, verse twenty-seven says, So God created man in his own image. Male and female, he created them. All right, well let's stop right there. Both male, female, both made in God's image. That means men aren't more human than women. Women aren't more human than men. Both possess inherent dignity because both bear the image of God. But notice something else. God didn't make them identical, he made them male and female. Different. Genesis chapter two eighteen says, It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. And eventually we go into here, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, they shall become one flesh. One flesh. That's the biblical picture. Not two completely independent people who happen to share a mortgage and an address. One flesh, not competitors, partners, complementary, interdependent. And notice what happens immediately after this in Genesis three. Sin enters the world. And what happens to relationships between men and women? It gets distorted right at that moment. The harmony is broken, the relationship is fractured. The man blames the woman and the woman is pulled towards her husband. And so the struggle begins right then and there. Here's something I think is very important. The Bible's answer to us isn't that men and women have always naturally gotten along. They haven't. Sin broke that. And every generation since has had to deal with the consequences. But let's be clear: God absolutely gave us a design, and the rest of scripture keeps pointing us back. Towards that. We have to be very careful as we use the words and realize that equal does not mean identical. And this is where I think sometimes in modern culture we get uncomfortable. We have decided that if two people are equal, then they must be interchangeable in every way. But that's that's really not true anywhere. A quarterback and a linebacker can be equally valuable to a football team, but they don't do the same job. A surgeon and anesthes an anesthesiologist, easy for me to say. A surgeon and an anesthesiologist can be equally valuable to a surgical procedure, but they don't have the same responsibilities. Different also doesn't have to mean inferior. And that's the biblical picture I think we need to focus on. Men and women are equal in dignity, but scripture gives them different responsibilities. And that's not an insult. That's the design. First Corinthians 11 11 says. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor man of woman. I love that verse because it it cuts against both extremes. Men don't get to say I don't need a woman, and women don't get to say I don't need a man. Paul says neither is independent of each other. That is that is biblical and scriptural interdependence. And somehow we have we have found ourselves in a society we've spent decades teaching people just the opposite of that. I I think that is Truthfully, I think that was one of culture's greatest lies is that you don't need anybody else. ⁓ this idea has has been so pervasive and it's invaded everything. You know, this be independent mentality. I don't need anybody. Don't depend on a man. You don't need a woman. Protect yourself. Look out for numero uno. And look, listen, there is there is nothing wrong with accountability and responsibility. There's nothing wrong with a woman being financially capable, and there's nothing wrong with a man being emotionally healthy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with either sex being competent and independent in certain areas. But independence has become so much bigger to us. It's become an identity. And Christianity says something radically different. We were made for relationship. We are called the body of Christ. We're told to bear one another's burdens. We are told to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. We're told to love your neighbor as yourself. The Christian life never says I don't need anybody else. The Christian life tells you I belong to somebody. And marriage takes that even a step farther. Now look, I am I I'm gonna talk about femin feminism and I'm in no way gonna characterize it. Like I I'm not gonna make it into some joke like people try to do. There are absolutely things in history that have happened to women and and around women that were absolutely wrong. ⁓ women were abused, women were denied education. Women were at times treated as intellectually inferior and and sometimes even treated as property. ⁓ they were denied legitimate opportunities. You know, none of those things are biblical and all of those things did happen. But Genesis 127 destroys the idea that that women are somehow lesser beings. And then Jesus con consistently treated women with extraordinary dignity in a culture that often didn't. So if anybody tells you that Christianity is is teaching that women are inferior to men. Well, they're simply not reading the same Bible that I'm reading. But here's where I think modern feminism eventually took a wrong turn and it moved beyond women having equal dignity to independence from men being the highest form of freedom. Those are not the same thing. The Bible doesn't say your goal is to need nobody. Your Bible says to love one another. It it doesn't say protect your personal rights at all costs. It says to count others as more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2, 3, that that is that is a completely different operating system to count others as more significant than ourselves. ⁓ but that's what the Bible says. And look, you know, men have been given their own lie too. We we don't get a free pass. We've got our own cultural nonsense that, you know, the the modern masculine message often sounds like, hey, just get out there and Work hard, make money, sleep with whoever you want, show no vulnerability, never apologize, never let a woman control you. You're the prize and that marriage is some sort of liability. We treat women as if they're the enemy trying to lock us down on something. And look, that's not biblical masculinity. It's not even close. When God tells a husband how to lead, he doesn't point him towards a throne. He points him towards a cross. Ephesians 5 25. Husbands. Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. That's the standard. Gave himself up. Not get your way, not make sure everybody knows you're in charge, not demand respect like a man. Give yourself up. And and suddenly that that vision and picture of biblical masculinity gets a little uncomfortable for some of us because real biblical leadership is sacrificial. It's responsibility, it's service, it's protection, it's humility, it's accountability, it's willing to say, I was wrong. It's being willing to put your wife's welfare ahead of your comfort. It's being willing to lead your family towards Christ. So if a man hears headship and thinks, Finally, I get to be the boss, ⁓ y you missed the whole point here, my friend. Headship isn't a crown, it's a cross. And now we get to talk about that dreaded S word. We got to talk about submission. And look, that word scares people. Ephesians chapter 5, 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. All right, there it is. It's in the scripture. We cannot pretend like it's not there. But let's take a different approach. Let's get a little radical here. Let's actually read the entire passage because the very next command is pretty major. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. And gave himself up for her. And just before the specific instructions to husbands and wives, it says, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. So biblical marriage isn't that man commands and woman obeys. It's much more demanding on both than that. Both people are to submit themselves to Christ. The husband sacrifices himself for the wife. The wife willingly and respectfully submits to her husband. And neither gets to use scripture as a weapon. The man doesn't get to scream at his wife, submit woman, that's what the Bible says. But he can then he's ignoring the fact that it says, and love her as Christ loved the church. That's total hypocrisy. And women cannot say that, you know, submission to their husband is some sort of oppression without at least honestly wrestling with the fact that scripture explicitly teaches this. That's also intellectually dishonest to pretend like it doesn't say that. If we're Christians, we don't get to rewrite the Bible just because we may not like what it says. So if we're talking about biblical headship, what what does that look like? Look, here's the test, husbands. Does your wife experience your leadership as a sacrificial love? Do you serve her? Do you protect her? Do you listen to her? Do you consider her wisdom and her opinion? Do you take responsibility for things? Do you apologize? Do you pray? Do you initiate spirituality? Do you provide? Do you control yourself? Do you make decisions with her in mind? Do you create a home where she feels safe? Because if your if your version of ⁓ biblical leadership like primarily benefits you, then I'm going to question whether it's biblical at all. It's supposed to benefit her. Christ didn't use his authority to exploit people, he used his authority to serve him. And that's the standard for us as husbands. And look. W women have a standard too. And this this doesn't say, you know, your husband gets to do whatever he wants because he's in charge. No, you as the woman, you are also an image bearer of God. You have intelligence, you have gifts, you have wisdom. Proverbs 31 describes a woman who is incredibly capable. She buys property, she runs a business, she makes financial decisions, she works, she speaks wisdom. Her husband trusts her. She's not a doormat, she's not stupid, she's not powerless. So biblical submission doesn't mean shut up and do whatever you're told. It means voluntarily yielding yourself to the order that God established for marriage. And respect matters because Ephesians 5.33 says, Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Notice something here. Paul doesn't tell the husband to make your wife respect you. He tells him to love her, love your wife. And he doesn't tell the wife to make sure your husband loves you. He tells the wife, respect your husband, respect him. That's fascinating because that is a clear example right there. Of the biblical question isn't, is my spouse doing their job? The biblical question is, Am I doing mine? We have ⁓ we have allowed ourselves to to really kind of turn marriage into a contract. And I think this might be Kind of one of the biggest problems is just how we how we enter into this and how we perceive it. Modern marriage, it just increasingly sounds kind of like, well, what are you giving me? What am I getting in return? Are my needs being met? Are you supporting my dreams? Are you making me happy? Is this relationship fulfilling me? That is ⁓ that's consumerism. And and consumerism eventually leads us to, well, if this current product isn't meeting my expectations, I'll replace it. But biblical marriage is a a covenant, not a consumer contract. That's that's fundamentally different. A covenant says, I made a promise, not you continue to perform, not as long as I'm happy, not as long as somebody better doesn't come along. The covenant says I am committed. And that's gonna matter because look, eventually your spouse will disappoint you, not mine ever. But yours will. Of course they will. They're a sinner, and guess what? So are you. So I hate to break it to you, but you will or did marry a sinner. And I know that sounds pretty obvious, but apparently we need to say it because sometimes common sense is lacking. You married a sinner, and somebody married you. You are from time to time going to say or do the wrong thing, and so are they. You are going to be selfish, they are going to be selfish. You're going to have a bad day every now and then, and they're going to have a bad day every now and then. You're going to disappoint them, they're going to disappoint you. And if your marriage depends upon both people performing perfectly, good luck. But scripture gives us another way. Colossians 3 13 says, Bear with one another. And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. Bear with one another. I absolutely love that phrase because sometimes marriage just means, you know what? I'm just gonna bear with you today. And sometimes you're the one who probably needs to be bare with. So as we as we take that perspective and we realize look, it it's full of ups and downs, there's there's back and forth, it it is what it is. One of the things I think we all do that we've got to stop, and it and it comes with that consumerism and that consumer contract mentality is we've got to stop keeping score in in our marriages. This is where First Corinthians chapter 13 becomes ⁓ just pretty brutally practical. It tells us love is patient, kind, doesn't envy, doesn't boast, isn't arrogant, isn't rude, doesn't insist on its own way, isn't irritable, doesn't keep a record of wrongs. Think about that. It it doesn't keep a record of wrongs. Some of us and some of our marriages have become pretty pretty high-class financial accounting departments. Well, I did this and you didn't do that, or I did that last week, and you never, and Somewhere along the way, the two people who have promised each other to become one flesh it started to sound more like opposing attorneys. Here's a very practical rule. Stop keeping score. If you say you have forgiven something, don't bring it back up. Don't keep old ammunition in the drawer. Don't tell your spouse, hey, I forgive you, and then pull the same offense out six months later when you need a weapon. That's not forgiveness, that's deferred revenge. And look, we're fighting's not the problem. We're all gonna disagree. The question is, do you know how to disagree without destroying each other? Ephesians 4 26 tells us, be angry, but do not sin. James 1 19, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. And then in Proverbs 15 1, a soft answer turns away wrath. So here's what that means Monday night at your house. Don't scream, don't threaten divorce, don't insult their intelligence, don't attack their character, don't drag the rest of their family into it, and and don't weaponize something that they confessed to you years ago and that you moved on from. Don't post about the fight online. And and look, for the love of God, stop texting about it when a text is not appropriate. Sometimes the most mature thing you can say in an argument is, you know what? I'm too angry. I'm too emotional. I'm too caught up in the whirlwind right now to have this conversation. I can't give you the attention you deserve. I can't give you the respect and love you deserve for this conversation. Let's come back to it later. And look, that is not easy. And if you think that's weakness, try it. It is not weakness. That is supreme self-control. That is strength, my friends. Did you think we weren't gonna talk about sex? We can't talk about modern marriage without talking about sex because I I fear that our our culture has has completely detached sex from from this covenant marriage. ⁓ sex has become entertainment, it's become validation, leverage. Sex is so often treated as a commodity. Sex is content for some people. And look, pornography these days has has made fantasy available to all of us twenty-four hours a day. Jesus tells us in in Matthew five twenty-eight, everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Pretty brutal. Job says, I have made a covenant with my eyes. That's that's not ancient advice from Job. That is ⁓ that's extraordinarily relevant even today. Your spouse is now competing against the algorithm. It's competing against what you see online of TikTok and Instagram. It's competing against pornography and dating apps and and former lovers that show up in in your social media stuff, influencers with perfect bodies, people who are out there showing off their perfect marriages that we all know are fake. And look, if every time you feed your fantasy, ⁓ you are making reality just a little bit harder to appreciate. And this applies to both sexes. This applies to men and women. You cannot cultivate a secret sex life outside of your marriage. You you should not be able to maintain any type of relationship that you feel like you need to hide from your spouse, whether it's a one-on-one relationship, whether it's interpersonal, or whether it's something just digital online. You can't tell yourself it's not technically cheating. The question you need to ask is, would I be comfortable if my spouse knew everything about this? And if that answer is no, pay attention. It that's the other thing that, you know, we There's so much of social media that leads us to comparing our marriages to to everybody else's. And y you see somebody's beautiful anniversary post. And look, I'm not saying don't share that. We all want ⁓ share it be by all means, but share it with the intention of of it being something to reflect on your love for your spouse. But it's led us to where we're comparing our marriages to to everybody else's, all the the flowers and the vacations and the surprise dinners, the romantic getaways, the the sweet little love letters with captions and And we can't help but think to ourselves, well, well, my spouse doesn't do that. Or why doesn't my spouse look like that? Or meanwhile, you have to realize the reality of the situation. You are literally looking at a highlight reel that people have chosen to show you of their absolute best moments. And you're probably comparing it to your random Tuesday night with your spouse sitting over there in sweatpants. That's insane. That's that's not even a fair comparison. You don't know what happens to those other people when the cameras turn off. And look, if you're allowing someone else's perfectly curated life to make you resent the person sitting next to you, well, that's on you. So protect your marriages from any types of unfair comparison. It it's it's simply not right. Your spouse should not have to compete with Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok and all that. And the other thing is we we have to we have to realize that that what we put on our spouses is sometimes just too much. ⁓ you can't expect your spouse to be Jesus. ⁓ I think one of the problems we have in in some marriages these days is We tend to we ask that one human being, and look, no matter how special they are, they can't be that special. We ask them to fulfill every need we have to play the the part in every role, ⁓ to be our best friend, our therapist, our lover, our financial partner, our spiritual partner, our source of entertainment, our emotional support when we need it, our our adventure buddy, our source of constant affirmation. And and look, and then when that person inevitably fails at something. We think the marriage is broken because my person can't be what I need ⁓ to be. Your spouse isn't Jesus. They can't save you, they can't complete you, they can't heal every wound that you brought into the marriage. They can't make you happy every day, and they shouldn't have to. Psalms chapter sixty two, verse five says, For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence. There are places in your heart and in your soul that Only God can fill. So stop trying to demand that your spouse occupy God's seat. Here's perhaps the most important thing I want to say today, and that is marriage is supposed to make you holy. Marriage isn't primarily about making you happy. It's about learning how to love. And love is going to expose you. Your spouse is going to expose your selfishness, your impatience, your pride, your lust, your anger, your need for control, your unwillingness to forgive, your sense of entitlement. And instead of asking, why does my spouse make me look crazy? Maybe sometimes we should ask, What is God showing me about myself through this? That's hard, but that's discipleship. Your spouse isn't your savior and they're not your enemy either. They are just another sinner trying to follow Jesus, just like you. So we have to talk about divorce if we're going to talk about marriage. ⁓ because it is it is just part of the the world we live in today. Somebody listening today is divorced. Somebody listening today is separated. Somebody's hanging on by a thread. Somebody's already in their second marriage and trying not to repeat the same mistakes as the first. And somebody's desperately trying to hang on to that first marriage because they don't want to go through it again. Somebody may be in a genuinely abusive situation. So let's be real clear. Biblical marriage does not mean tolerating abuse. It it doesn't mean that pretending that serious sin doesn't exist. And it doesn't mean staying in a place where you are in physical danger. It doesn't mean that a woman has to remain in an environment where she is being she is being beaten because you know the the man misinterprets what submission is. That's that's an absolute abuse of scripture. God takes marriage very seriously, but he also takes human life seriously. So ⁓ it Serious marital problems sometimes require pastors, counselors, family members, and unfortunately sometimes legal authorities and professional help. But ⁓ let's also stop pretending divorce is emotionally and spiritually insignificant. if you have to get divorced, you have to get divorced. Sometimes that is the only way to move forward. But it does matter and it does have an input. It does have an impact. Jesus took the covenant of marriage very seriously. Marriage matters. Promises matters. And before we can just casually say, you know, I I'm just not happy with my spouse anymore, we should probably ask ourselves a much harder question. What did I promise to them and to God in front of all those people? Marriage isn't fifty fifty. I I hate hearing that marriage should be fifty fifty. What happens when your spouse can only give twenty percent because they're they're sick, they're exhausted, they're grieving, maybe they're pregnant or just overwhelmed. What happens then? Do you are are you still only obligated to give your fifty percent? No. A covenant relationship, a covenant marriage isn't fifty-fifty. It's one hundred one hundred. It's two people both saying, What can I give to you? Neither one saying, What am I owed? Philippians chapter two, verse three. In humility, count others more significant than yourselves. Imagine two married people actually trying to live that verse out. Sounds like the kind of marriage I think we'd all want to be a part of. So so where does that leave us? You know, modern culture has has given both men and women just a series of of unfortunate lies. You know, we we have just beaten women over the head with the idea that you don't need men. ⁓ we have we've told men that you don't need a woman. ⁓ we've told both spout both ⁓ sexes to protect yourself, put yourself first, never compromise. Your personal happiness is everything. Your career is your identity. Your sexual desires is your identity. And if somebody doesn't meet your needs to the T, replace them. And then we're shocked when when marriage feels almost impossible. Maybe marriage isn't impossible. Maybe we've simply stopped practicing the thing that marriage requires. Humility, sacrifice, faithfulness, forgiveness, self-control, patience, respect, service, commitment. Those are not outdated virtues. Those are biblical virtues. And they're exactly what the modern world needs. It's what every marriage today needs. So if you're married, men, stop asking yourself, does my wife respect me? And start asking, have I given her something worthy of respect? Are you faithful? Are you trustworthy? Do you control your temper? Do you control your eyes? Do you provide for her? Do you serve her? Do you pray for her? Do you lead your family towards Christ? Do you apologize when needed? Do you keep your word? Does your wife feel safe with you? Because biblical masculinity isn't about being the biggest man in the room. It's about being the man who's willing to sacrifice the most for his wife and family. And women, look, let me talk to you. Stop asking yourself, does my husband make me happy? And start asking yourself, Am I respecting and encouraging the man that God gave me? Do you constantly criticize? Do you compare him to other men? Do you use sex as leverage? Do you manipulate him? Do you tear him down privately while pretending to respect him publicly? Do you undermine him in front of his friends or the children? Do you refuse to acknowledge anything he does right because you're keeping score of everything he does wrong? And here's the uncomfortable one, ladies. Are you demanding biblical leadership while refusing to respect biblical leadership? Because you don't get to rewrite the parts of the scripture that you don't like, the words there. So before you spin send this episode to your spouse, don't. Seriously, don't send this. You need to listen to this. This is for you to figure out how to change yourself. Don't highlight the submission part, don't highlight the love part, don't send the Ephesians part or the Proverbs to your spouse. We don't need that. Do not turn God's word into ammunition. Instead, listen to this yourself. Go home. Look across the table at your spouse and ask, What would it look like for me to love you more like Christ this week? That's the question. Not when are you going to finally change those things I've asked you to change? Not when are you going to meet my needs or when are you going to become the spouse I deserve? No. Ask yourself, what does God want to change in me and ask your spouse, what would it look like for me to love you