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10 - Baron Trump's Marvellous Underground Journey · Adventure Books Library

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  Chapter ten, A brief account of my conversations with Doctor Nebulosis, Sir amber
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  Opake, and Lord Cornicor, who tell me many things that I never knew
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  before, for which I was very grateful. Lord Bulgar and I were more
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  than pleased with our new friends, Doctor Nebulosis, Sir amber Opake, and
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  Lord corncor although so eager were they to make us thoroughly comfortable that they overdid
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  the matter at times and left me scarcely a moment to myself in which to
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  make an entry in my note book. They were extremely solicitous, lest in
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  my ignorance I should set down something wrong about them, For said Sir amber
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  Opake. Now that thou hast found the way to this underworld of ours,
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  little Baron, I feel assured that we shall have a number of visitors from
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  thy people every year or so, and I have already issued orders to have
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  extra beds made as soon as the wood can be quarried. Doctor Nebulosis gave
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  me a very interesting account of the various ailments which the Macamenkes suffer from,
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  all sickness among our people. Little Baron said, he is pure mental or
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  emotional, that is, of the mind or feelings, there is no such
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  thing as bodily infirmity among us. Wine and strong drink are unknown in our
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  world, and the food we eat is light and easily digested. We are
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  never exposed to the danger of breathing a dust laden atmosphere. And while we
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  are an active and industrious people, yet we sleep a great deal. For
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  as our laws forbid the use of lamps or torches, except for the use
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  of those toiling in the dark chambers, it is not possible for us to
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  ruin our health by turning night into day. We go to bed the very
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  moment the river of light ceases to flow. The only ailment that ever gives
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  me the least trouble is I bury Euphrosenian pray. What is the nature of
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  that ailment, I asked. It is an inclination to be too happy,
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  replied doctor Nebulosis gravely. And I regret to say that several of our people
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  attacked with this ailment have shortened their lives by refusing to take my remedies.
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  It usually develops very slowly, beginning with an inclination to giggle, which after
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  a while is succeeded by violent fits of laughter. For instance, little Baron
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  when thou earnest among us, many of our people were attacked with a violent
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  form of I bary euphrosna. And although Master Cold Soul, the Court Depressor
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  made great efforts to check it, yet he was quite powerless to do so.
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  It spread over the city with remarkable rapidity, without knowing why, our
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  workmen at their work, our children at their play, our people indoors and
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  out began to laugh and to be dangerously happy. I made examinations of several
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  of the worst cases, and discovered that at the rate they were beating,
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  the hearts of most of them would run down in a single week. It
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  was terrible. A council was hastily held, and it was determined to conceal
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  thee and Lord Bulgar from the public view. But happily my skill got the
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  upper hand of the attack. Didst increase the number of pills to be taken?
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  I asked, no, little baron, said doctor Nebulosis. I increased
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  their size and covered them with a powder which made them extremely difficult to swallow,
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  and in this way compelled those taking them to seize their laughing. But
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  there were a number of cases so violent that they could not be cured in
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  this way, those I ordered to be strapped in at the waist with broad
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  belts, and to have their mouths held pride open with wooden wedges. As
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  thou mayest understand, this made laughing so difficult that they speedily gave it up
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  altogether. Ah, little Baron, continued the wise doctor, with a sigh.
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  That was a sorry day for the human race when it learned how to
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  laugh. It is my opinion that we owe this useless agitation of our bodies
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  to you, people of the upper world. Exposed as ye were, to
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  piercing winds and biting frosts, he contracted the habit of shivering to keep warm.
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  And little by little this shivering habit grew upon you, so that ye
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  kept up the shivering, whether ye were cold or not, only ye called
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  it by another name. Now, my knowledge of the human body teaches me
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  that this quivering of the flesh is, if very wise, provision of nature
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  to keep the blood in motion, and in this way, to save the
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  human body from perishing from the cold. But why should we quiver when we
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  are happy? Little Baron? All pleasure is the thought. And yet at
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  the very moment when we should keep our bodies in as perfect repose as possible,
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  we begin this ridiculous shivering. Do we shiver when we look upon the
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  beauties of the river of light, or listen to sweet music, or gaze
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  upon the loving countenance of our gracious Queen Alaxa. But worse than all,
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  little Baron, this senseless quivering and shivering, which we call laughter, unlike
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  good, deep, long drawn, wholesome size, empty the lungs of air
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  without filling them again. And thus do we often see these gigglers and laughers
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  fall over in fainting fits, absolutely choked by their own wild and unreasoning action.
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  I have always contended little Baron, that we alone, of all animals,
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  had the laughing heabit, And I am now delighted to have my opinion
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  confirmed by my acquaintance with the wise and dignityied Lord Bulger. Observe him.
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  He knows quite as well as we what it is to be pleased, to
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  be amused, to be delighted. But he doesn't think it necessary to have
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  recourse to fits of shivering and shuddering. Through the brightened eye, the true
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  window of the soul, I can see how happy he is. I can
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  measure his joy, I can take note of his contentment. I was delighted
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  with this learned discourse of the gentle doctor Nebulosis, and make notes of it,
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  lest the points of his argument might escape my memory. The more pleased
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  was I in that he proved my faithful bulgar to be so wisely constructed and
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  regulated by nature. I made particular inquiry of my friends, Sir amber Opake
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  and Lord Cornercore, as to whether Queen Glaxa ever had any trouble in governing
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  her people. None, whatever, was the answer. In many a long
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  year, has it only been necessary on one or two occasions to summon a
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  micamenke before the magistrate and examine his heart under a strong light. The only
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  punishment allowed by our laws is confinement for a shorter or longer time in one
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  of the dark chambers. The severest sentence ever known to have been passed by
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  one of our magistrates was twelve hours in length. But in all honesty we
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  must admit little baron that falsehood and deception are unknown amongst us, for the
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  simple reason that, being transparent, it is impossible for a mccamenke to deceive
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  a brother without being caught in the act. Therefore, why make the attempt.
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  The very moment one of us begins to say one thing while he is
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  thinking another, his eyes cloud up and betray him, just as the crystal
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  clear weather glass clouds up at the approach of a storm in the upper world.
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  But this, of course, little Baron, is only true of our
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  thoughts. Our laws allow us to hide our feelings by the use of the
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  black fan. No one may look upon another's heart unless its owner wills it.
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  It is a very grave offense for one micamenk to look through another without
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  that one's permission. But as thou wilt readily understand, inasmuch as we are
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  by nature transparent, it is utterly impossible for a marriage to prove an unhappy
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  one, for the reason that when a youth declares his love for a maiden,
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  they both have the right by law to look upon each other's hearts,
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  and in this way they can tell exactly the strength of the love they have
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  for each other. This and many other strange and interesting things did my new
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  friends Doctor Nebulosis, Sir amber Opake, and Lord Cornercore impart unto me?
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  And right grateful was I to good Queen Galaxa for having chosen them for me.
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  Good friends are better than gold, although we may not think it at
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  the time. End of Chapter ten,