Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S3 E41 - I've Seen the Future!

Transcript

S3 E41 - I've Seen the Future! · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_03: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to the podcast.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_03: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: And now here's Stephen Jeff.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: Well, hey, Johnny, thanks for bringing us back into the show.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_03: Great to be back here.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_03: And hey, how's it going, Jeff?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Steve, I this is the time of the show where we talk about, I think for the most part, we either talk about the weather or dreams.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, what else is there?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, those pretty much are all we ever talked about.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, like, who really gives a shit?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was just thinking about this the other day.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: I know I don't, but yeah, I mean, the weather gets interesting.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of like car wrecks on the ND500.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know, when there's a wreck, that's interesting.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: So if there's a disaster, weather-related disaster, that's pretty cool.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: But otherwise, weather doesn't mean shit.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: I was uh I was actually in San Diego for two different days.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: And the first day, the weatherman said, it's gonna be cold out there, it's gonna be a high of 68.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: And the next day, it's gonna be a heat spell, it's gonna be 74.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like exactly, exactly.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: We don't need any of that.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe we should talk about something else, or at least for this episode.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: I agree, Jeff.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_03: I you know, however, there is a value to consistency, but but I agree with you because consistency, that's also where stale lives.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_03: And stale lives right next to boring, and boring is less than a block from fewer listeners, if you know what I mean.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: So, yes, it was indeed getting stale.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, could let me give you an example.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: Here in Omaha, it was you know 100 degrees for most of the month of July, and now it's in the 80s.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_03: Riveting information, I know, but is that really newsworthy?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_03: It's like that old Who song, you remember?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: Check out the new weather, same as the old weather.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: Now, now if we get a hurricane in Omaha, even even a little category two, boy, that would that would be worth discussing.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and just for clarification, stale is not like ice, is it?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: It's not an uh, you know, military group that's no, I I see stale as more of a more of a room temperature thing, whereas ice is is well, you know, icy.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, I gotcha.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I I think you're right.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and here in Chicago, if there was an earthquake under the Sears Tower, that would be that would be cool because that would be unique and interesting.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: I you know, I don't know.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: Do earthquakes even count as a weather?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I I I don't know that they're counted as weather.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_03: Uh plus, you know, they've renamed the Sears Tower at least a couple times since then.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: Although, frankly, Jeff, I will always call it the Sears Tower because I don't care about those renames, but hasn't really been the Sears Tower since actually since the last big earthquake was around 40 years ago.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: I I was on the second floor of a building at Northwestern University downtown campus, was sitting at the table with the scroll.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_03: Scroll said, Hey, stop shaking the table.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, I'm not.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_03: And then and then the floor kind of waved.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_03: It was it was very surreal.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_03: Right, you know, it's one of the many surreal things that I've had in my life.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: It was it was a it was a minor surreal compared to some of them, I gotta tell you.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: But it was, yeah, it was weird.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: It was a little weird.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: Floor, it was like a wave went across the floor.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: It was like weird.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm hoping that you know, if they rename the tower again, it would be America's tower because yeah, or or Tower of Mexico, maybe.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: Or Tower of Mexico.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, but yes, if you ask me, there are far more interesting subjects.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: I think disasters, you know, you mentioned disasters earlier.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: I think disasters is really a great topic because I'll tell you, there is no shortage of disasters these days.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: Well, not disasters.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, wait, wait.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: Are we still talking Hank Kimball speak?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: I think we were, or is it just me?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: Well, not me.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_03: But but speaking of strange events, if we were speaking of strange events, I did have a really strange dream.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: I know it's a dream, okay, but it was a strange event.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: So we can call it, we can do it under the strange event category and not the strictly dream category.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you want to hear about it, right?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and you had me at dream again.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: So why don't you yeah, why don't you just tell me all about it?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: Because I I was always interested in your dreams.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: It was one night I was walking my dog Astro one night.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_03: You know, of course, as you know, Teresa and I are big Jetsons fans.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_03: So your dog named Astro, of course.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: All of a sudden, I hear this strange whooshing sound out of nowhere.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: This woman appears on the sidewalk right in front of us.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_03: You know, she looked like she was in her 20s, but she was wearing really very strange clothes.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I'd never seen anything like it.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, picture picture a punk Ava Gardner, but in bright colors.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that's aroused.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, yeah.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I was I was like shocked and like, hmm, it was pleasant.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: It was a pleasant shock.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: But she had the small device in her hands as I couldn't it's not it's not that small, Steve.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: Well, no, it wasn't well, it wasn't that device.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_03: It wasn't like anything I've ever seen.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: No, it was my dream, yeah.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: And and trust me, it wasn't like anything I've ever seen.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: I've seen that device, so you don't know.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're dreaming about my device in her hand, then that would be a problem.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: Well, no, I you're right.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: I couldn't have seen your device, but I didn't know.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, good.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_03: This thing kind of looked like a garage door opener crossed with a pen.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I I you know, I don't know, who knows what it did.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: Well, she saw that I was looking at her.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it wasn't just me, both Astro and I were looking at her.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: And there I go.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, she she seemed a little afraid and you know, I was a little confused, but she walked up to me, and I'll never forget what she said.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I can't remember the first thing she said, but after that thing that I don't remember, she said, Excuse me, this might be a strange question.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: Well, could you tell me what year it is?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, Jeff, I I knew right away, because I've as you know, Jeff, I'm from the future and I've done some of this myself, and so I know I knew right away, I said, Wait, are you a time traveler?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: I thought maybe we could bond a little bit over time travel.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: So she she says yes, she nods, says yes, but don't tell anybody.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm in enough trouble as it is.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, they're they're watching me, they're following me.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: This is my first solo trip, and somehow I I messed up the calculation with temporal projection.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: And I, you know, I didn't have time to ask her about temporal projection because we, you know, hey, we don't use that now, but you know, you know, maybe that's a thing in the future.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: So either that or it was a glitch with my metrics.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: And I knew she meant matrix, of course.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_03: Esther was barking, and I in fact, I thought she said glitch in the matrix, but she said matrix.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: I I thought maybe some from some parallel universe or something.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_03: So I, you know, I tried to calm her down.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I've done some time traveling myself in my time, and I guess in everyone else's time too.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: I said, Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_03: And by the way, the year is 2025.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: Where what year were you in?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_03: She said, Well, I was in 2035.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_03: And so strange.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: But at least I'm home now.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: So I apparently from now, I guess.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't know where she got this whole bright color punk Ava Gardner thing.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: But she only wanted to go to 2026 after the midterm elections.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_03: And and she's and she said something, a beautiful thing.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: She said, It's like that Grateful Dead song, what a long, strange trip it's been.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_03: I thought so cool.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_03: They are still listening to the Grateful Dead in 2035, man.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_03: And they're still on tour.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: And they're still on tour.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_03: But but I digress.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: They're still playing the last song from the last two.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: They still are.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: So I explained, you know, I've I've done some time travel, and in fact, we have a podcast where we talk about a bunch of things, including some of the time travel that I've done, some of the trips.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: So I asked her if she wanted to come on the show and tell us about her travels, both intended and un.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_03: And she said yes.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: So she's here tonight.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: She's the other side of that glass, but I think there are actually two people the other side of that glass.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: So I I I I don't know.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: I don't, I'm not sure what's going on, Jeff.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, good.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm interested to see who this is.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm still a little confused.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: Was this a dream or not a dream?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I thought we decided no fact checking.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: And and no more banter about weather and dreams.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, Jeff.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: You know, try to keep up.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_03: All right, all right.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, so let me introduce, I'm gonna introduce her, and then she can introduce that other one.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: I because I don't know who I don't know who that other one is, but uh let me introduce our guest tonight.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_03: Uh our guest, her name is Sally Anderson.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: Sally, welcome to the show.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: Good to see you again.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, thank you so much for having me.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I know you were wondering about my friend here.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like you said, I uh messed a few things up on my first trip.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So uh now, you know, they usually don't let women travel on their own anyway.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I tried and it didn't work out well.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: So um this is my maggot officer, uh James.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, oh yes.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um do you want to explain your title, James?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Steve, Jeff, it's nice to meet you.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Good to meet you, James.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm part of the maggot core, which is uh maintaining America's greatness at all times.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: We make sure that uh there's a continuity to the timeline.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I escorted Mrs.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Anderson here, and uh it's a pleasure.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm a fan, actually.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh wow, that's good to hear.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: Good to hear.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, we have heard so many great things about you from you.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean in 2035, you are really missed.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: So um, we're glad to be here.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: Uh missed, is there something that happened in 2035 that you should tell us?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Or well, in it didn't happen in 2035, so the show is still on, yeah.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: But it's been in reruns since 2031.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, um, when I said missed, I a lot of people were missed.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, God, that earthquake in the loop.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: That was who would have thought Miss Sanderson.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Jeff, Jeff, uh, we love you.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, don't panic, don't panic.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_03: Time travel isn't an exact science.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_03: And like like James said, anything can interrupt the waves.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know, any little thing can change that wave pattern.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: So who knows what will really happen in the future or in the past.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: But though but we know what happened in the past because it's already happened, right?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_03: But let me ask you a couple questions.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: Epstein?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_03: January 6th.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_03: It's like that old Orwell song.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_03: He who controls the past controls the future, and he who controls the present controls the past.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: So you never know for sure.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_03: History's being rewritten all the time, and that's the point.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, Sally, we were talking about 2035 and your trip there by mistake.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, can you say what you saw there?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: Was it good?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: Was it bad?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, as always, that just kind of depends on who you are.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to go into who lives and dies, that kind of stuff, but but lots of changes happen between now and 2035.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I can try to answer questions carefully, but Steve, you know, it's a dangerous game to expose the future, even the past for that matter.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta be careful.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: God, you time travel people, you know, you got my head spinning.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: I I forget about the there's all these rules, and you know, and now I'm still thinking about the past, but so uh can you give me some a little bit of insight on what happens in the future?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, sure.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Ask away.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: One question that I guess everybody'd like to know is uh who's running the country in 2035?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, obviously our our king is no longer in office, so who took his place?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe is it maybe Barron?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_03: Is it maybe Coke?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, Junior.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, no, our um our kings retired in Florida, uh, in upper Florida, because that still exists.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: But um, as you might have heard, you know, elections were suspended permanently since about 2028, and then AI technology had that breakthrough, so it reproduced King Trump's brain.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe he live forever.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Forever.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, yeah.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: King Trump, may he live forever.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: Crazy word is so electricity, I guess he will, yeah.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: So it's given the country his leadership and command indefinitely.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Our biggest challenge to replicate replicating his brain was ironically, we had to dumb down his intelligence to make him the president that we all knew and loved.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then that was a big problem because AI generally makes things better, not worse.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: So we had to get to the guy we all knew.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: They had to use an ape's brain, and then still dumb that down to mesh with our old president, but then improve it slightly so that we would learn to repeat the 20 basic sentences that he used bigly throughout his life.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was all really it was kind of complicated, but we ended up with AI King Trump, may he live forever.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, that we all know and love.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_03: OFAFI.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: I forgot your name, Officer James James, Officer James.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: Can I call you Officer James?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Or yeah, that that's fine, or just James.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: So, what do you do exactly?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like when people are doing time travels, like what what's the uh what technically do you do?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you see, uh, that's a good question.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: There are splinterings of the timeline, right?
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: And you often heard in the early 2020 people saying this doesn't feel correct, this doesn't feel like our timeline, and and and things altered and were different.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: It is my job to escort women through time and make sure that none of this gets uh changed, as it were.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: We like the future the way it is, and we want to maintain and preserve the continuity of that timeline.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: So is it more like man travel splaining that's going on here where it's like you're there to you know help, to coax, to to teach, to guide?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, with your permission, I would like to write that down.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think that is a perfect thing that I will take to the future.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_03: Wonderfully made a contribution to the future.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: Look at that.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: That brings me to a question since I have three men to explain.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: I did have a question I've read about in my textbooks um at school about the the riots that took place, that uh all of the the the riots that took place over the uh defeminization of the green MM and how men throughout time were uh were upset by that, and then they they had to make sure that we re-feminized our candies, but I never really understood it from my textbooks.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Can you guys explain that a little better?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, I I think it all started with chemicals that were affecting frogs, and then the frogs being green themselves had that impact on the green MMs, and so when the green MMs became gender neutral, then that became a problem, and frogs couldn't handle it.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the feminization laws that we saw in 2029 came in, starting from that spark.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's where it started.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's that's so much clearer.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: What else can you tell us about the future?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: Anything that stands out?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, um, the goal is to privatize everything.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so we we privatized voting.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: We we wanted to make sure that um things were correct.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: So we we gerrymandered federal maps and uh it's all been approved, and we have new state boundaries.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: Illinois, California, New York.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: They've been let's just say taken care of.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: And now they're the smallest states in the country and have no votes in the Electoral College.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, we still have the Electoral College.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_03: So elections are still going on, even though well, okay, slow down.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it's not elections per se for uh the office, it's it's for other other things that we don't want to bother uh the king.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: May he live forever.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: May he live forever.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: One question that I'd have, I mean, one thing, one big issue now, of course, is tariffs.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: And anyone who even took high school economics knows that tariffs are going to be paid by the people who buy the products, which is us, right?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_03: But some people keep saying some government administration economists keep saying, Oh, they'll work, just give they need time, give it time.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: Uh did they work?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: Did they work over time, or was it just like everybody knows?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean go go ahead.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, they worked, they worked great.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: So you under you understand in England they have like a prime minister situation and then a king situation.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh America runs pretty similarly now, except that the prime minister is essentially a puppet on the couch, or um, but we call him president.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: So president Vance is the puppet on the couch, and then there's of course uh king ai trunk, may he live forever.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: May live forever.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: But puppet president's Vance uh did handle tariffs, actually.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: So he yeah, he basically just replaced them with bans.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: So we've banned everything um that isn't grown exactly in the United States.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so sorry to go back.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh in 2027, prices had risen 200% for goods like everything cars, gas, food, all of that.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: President Vance banned everything that wasn't made in the US, and so that just eliminated the appearance of um tariffs manipulating prices.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so now we have been able to pretend that we understand the economy perfectly and that it's working well.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I you know, I can understand how that would work because if they have already brought down prices 1,500, and then let's say they went up 200.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that still means the companies are paying you$13 for every dollar you spend.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean, what a what a wonderful economy that must be.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: You're totally right.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: No one has seen anything like this before.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, no, no, I'm sure no one has even thought of anything quite this, quite this big.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and we also know, and I think we've learned this over the last couple of years and probably well into the future, that there is the right price for everything.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: And right now things are just too cheap.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so bringing them up to the right level of of cost, like a gallon of gas, it should be twenty dollars a gallon.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it shouldn't be three dollars, three dollars throws everything off.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I'm glad that we're finally resetting these price points because it it's bad.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's bad for the country, bad for America.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're gonna look at the future, Jeff.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell you now.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh looking forward to it.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: We went through a really hard time where our king was only allowed three yachts.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that that was really difficult.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: And for all of us to no, no, and for all of us to really band together as a community to let prices be what they should be, he was able to really then recuperate and uh AI King Trump, um, may he live forever.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_04: Live forever.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh was able to get the the yachts that he deserved.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: And and speaking of difficult, what about Canada?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: Which right now, you know, is a complete pain in the ass to everybody.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: But now what happens to Canada?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: Well, no, they do have Canadian whiskey.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's true.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you mean American whiskey?
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: American whiskey.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, there you go.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah, Canada's our 50th state.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: We wonderful.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: We gave uh Alaska to Putin in one of uh uh one of his birthday celebrations, which was really wonderful.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: And we were allowed to pay for creating the land bridge um across to Russia.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: We were able to do that, which I thought was very generous of Putin to allow us to um to pay for that as well.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: And we got a plaque for that, and then Canada came in as our uh 50th state.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: I bet there was quite the birthday parade for that, too.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: I imagine wow.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: What a hair all the way across from Alaska to the bridge, yeah.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I cannot stress to you the amount of parades that we have in the future.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it's like it's almost like 13% of our budget for the United States goes to parades.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's huge, huge, it's huge.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: No one has ever ever seen anything like this before.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: I I hate to bring up kind of a uh a scary topic, but a lot of times diseases come back, you know, like years later, like they're cyclical.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: Does COVID come back in 2035?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, no one died of COVID in 2035.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it was a major victory and a great example of overcoming challenges when you we put our minds and wills to it.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and then we we did incarcerate, sorry, incinerate Dr.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: Fauci.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, we're not supposed to say that name.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: I apologize.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: By yeah, that was um by proclamation.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Of AI came trump, may he may he live forever.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: May he live forever.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now, unfortunately, we have seen some upticks in some diseases that have the exact same uh symptoms as polio and smallpox, but we think they're they're different.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: They they couldn't be that because we've you know we eradicated that.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: So we call it Bigley Pox and Biden's polio or bedolio, um, as as the street slang is.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: So we have seen some upticks with Bedoglio, but you know, we mostly blame that on the generational effects of dangerous vaccines that were administrated by um, you know, the democratic president's rule.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: One other issue, and one of the things that came up with with Canada was the issue of fentanyl and and other drugs in general.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_03: So how is that being handled?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: Are is is drug smuggling into the US still a big problem, or is a lot of drug use still?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I would love to talk about this one.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm glad that you asked.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: Fentanyl, it's legal again, um, along with some some other drugs like uh laudanum.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we have cocaine tooth drops.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we also added cocaine back to Coca-Cola, uh, black tar heroin, chloral ratatar.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you know what that is.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's like radioactive water, uh, mercury and uh oh snake oil.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um that's that's another one that we have.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, that's it was big news.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, after a member of uh well, I won't go into the politics of that, but let's just say a spokesperson for the administration uh has made the reputation for fentanyl go away.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's fake news.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: Uh it's good to know that that's been resolved because I know that was that was a huge issue.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, and the Trump family has worked really hard to make sure that all of those drugs are available and profiting them, and probably cheaper, right?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: That he's lowering the prices on fentanyl and some of these other drugs.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_03: Well, yeah, they pay you 13 bucks for every dollar you spend on fentanyl.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we did we did want they wanted to make it cheaper, but there was the whole, I don't know if you have you heard of Operation Quixote.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, he had to go after all the windmills um because of the cancer that they were causing.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so Operation Quixote happened so that we could go out take out all of the windmills, and then we had to pay for that somehow.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so uh a lot of the profits from paying just a little more for our fentanyl or laudanum allows us as a community to also pay for Operation Quixote and save us from the windmills.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, very, very successful.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'd also add that, you know, when we talk about medical stuff, there was we've had a lot of medical breakthroughs that have come through.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'd like to say that you know, we've we've banned the vaccines and President AI, may he live forever, may he live forever, has added a ban on all operations and medical procedures, and we're excited.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's just working out and announcing that law, President AI may he live forever.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: Said that if God wanted us to fix our medical problems, he he would have told him that because he talked directly to him.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: We know that.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: The one exception I will I will say though is that um cosmetic surgery and and hair transplants and uh skin tone changing is is still allowed, but um you that's really only for those that can afford the insurance.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: Well, right, exactly.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_03: And and we need we need that because without that look, how will we know who's who?
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: And speaking of uh medical procedures, you know, abortion is still controversial right now in 2025.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so what what does it look like in the future?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_02: Does it swing the other way and is it legal now or what's happening?
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Abortion is is not legal.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, even thinking about it is banned.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: I I think uh Officer James, I I can talk about it in this case just as a um uh as as points of information.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I will allow it, but please be respectful of the law.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, thinking about it is banned because it's a slippery slope.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I mean, first you're thinking about sex, and then you're thinking about women or girls who want your money to have so they have sex with you, and then that girl gets pregnant, and then you might want an abortion, and then you find um, you know, a butcher at a grocery store to do the procedure.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this is just the sirline tip of the iceberg, let us there.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we just all thought of abortion is just outlawed.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: It makes it easier for all of us, I think.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_03: You know, something else that has happened recently that was very controversial is the doing with the Department of Education.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_03: And so what how is education in 2035?
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_03: Are there what are the public schools like?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_03: What are the colleges and universities like?
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Sally, I'll let you also speak to this one.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I was just gonna say that I I think that when we elected, uh I suppose, sorry, appointed uh education secretary Andrew Tate, that a lot of changes came in, came in after that.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then eventually they just eliminated the Department of Education.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I think we're just about is is this right?
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're wrapping up the final uh public school.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's just getting closed down now.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: Flossie Wiley's grade school in Urbana, Illinois.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that is that is correct.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: Privatized.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um AI King Trump, uh, may he live forever.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: May he live forever.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh said that this is a great step forward, and it proves that you don't need to have an education to be unemployed, and our unemployment rate is skyrocketing, so we don't need that.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_03: So now with the unemployment rate skyrocketing, are they still reporting the numbers?
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_03: Uh are they saying, hey, unemployment skyrocketing?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't understand this question.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: Why would we report that?
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, well, I guess I guess that is an answer to the question, then isn't it?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: Those those are trivial numbers that we we don't need to be bothered by and we don't need to bother the public with.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so we we get our information from you know directly from the source or from the approved media from the source.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like take for instance, OAN has really just blown up and exploded.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, in fact, uh recently I was watching cock fighting, no, uh cuck fighting um on OAN Sports.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and they and they've got all the great cucks.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, basically, it's uh any man who can't please their woman, they're forced to fight to the death, and uh we all get to watch.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I have to tell you, it takes a long time.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_03: Uh wow.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_03: They must have like so many leagues of that because there's so many qualified testants.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, mostly from the states I mentioned earlier.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: Very exciting.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: Now, just one last question for me, and that has to do with what our standing is in the world.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I know that there's been a lot of friction with us, with uh England and you know, the European countries, especially with France, and and how how are we doing with that?
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we don't care, I think is the stance that we take on that.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like again, all of our stuff is made within our country, borders are closed, solidified.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: Places like France, they can't fight, their money is worthless.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: We don't care.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: So borders closed, we contain all of our stuff that we need there, and um, we don't need the French.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the great things that Education Secretary um Andrew Tate did before the uh department closed down was he redrew all of the maps for us just to make it easier, and so everything is labeled America and not America.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, uh and so yeah, we don't really need to think about it.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, basically them and us, and we don't have to think about anybody else.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that makes foreign relations very simple.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's like just one person to talk to, right?
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sorry, I I'm sorry, I I was wrong.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: It is America, not America, best friends Russia.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: I did forget that they are.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: But because it's connected by the land bridge, I always forget because it looks like it's a part of us now.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's basically yeah, yeah.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't have to state the given and geometry, right?
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's just like that.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: We we just assume.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_03: Gosh, I can't even tell you how much we appreciate you coming in on the show tonight.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_03: And it was great.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_03: I am so glad that I had that real dream and met you, Sally, and and had this this occasion to bring you on the show.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_03: And before you go back to your time, I think we should give them, Jeff.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_03: I think we should give them something to take back to that time frame, something that hopefully won't get you into trouble in the time frame, but you know, something that that you could use, something that would be valuable.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, do we so hopefully not puritanical MMs?
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want any non-binary MMs.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_02: No, and and Steve, I don't think we have any fentanyl around, do we, that we could give them?
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: I'll give Tony a call.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_03: No, we yeah, Tony's probably not so.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_03: But what else do you think?
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have fentanyl.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: I can give you fentanyl.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, that's common where I'm from.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: But I we'll find some good stuff for you.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_03: So, Johnny, what do we have for Sally and James?
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_03: Right, Steve?
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_03: Sally and James can dine like crew maggots on their tasty yet technically inedible lifetime supply of baked Alaska, now with real Russian vodka.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: Formerly only available in formerly Ukraine, it will fill their mouths with thoughts of their king and 49 grams of sugar, all theirs from the kitchens of appropriation station.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_03: They took it all.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_03: This has been a hate this timeline production in association with Hit the Brick Wall Media.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_03: Read all about Stephen Jeff at their website, stephenjeff.com.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_03: This is Johnny.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm glad they aren't going to talk about weather and dreams anymore.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_03: It's had a strange effect on me.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_03: Every night I have this dream where it's raining, and I'm outdoors with just sandals on.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_03: Luckily, some friendly guys in masks and hoodies give me a ride to some tropical place.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_03: And then I wake up, just like everyone can.