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Grandma’s Secret to a Long-Lasting Marriage · Excuse My Grandma

• 0:00
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• 0:25
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• 0:31
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• 0:50
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• 0:54
  Speaker 3: In order to get GrandmaGuel to hang out with me, I have to come to the hair salon because naturally, she's always getting her hair blown out. And this is where we're gonna podcast today. Hey, Grandma. You caught me? I caught you.
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: With Anna?
• 1:11
  Speaker 5: Hello, girls.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: Oh, you're still putting your curls in?
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: Yes. Just finishing up.
• 1:16
  Speaker 6: Just about to finish.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Okay. Well, while your curl's set, why don't we do a little podcast together?
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: Okay. If Anna wants to hear it.
• 1:24
  Speaker 5: Absolutely, why not?
• 1:26
  Speaker 6: I'm doing it.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Okay. Okay, well welcome back to Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my co host. Grandma Gail.
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: That's my phone. Probably Poppy calling.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: Poppy is interrupting your precious hair blow time?
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: Poppy only wants to be wherever I am. So there's no question. Annie, you better finish my hair soon because otherwise I won't have one thing. Leads
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: to my question because everybody pretty much writes in a similar one, which is, What's your secret to a long lasting, happy marriage of over sixty plus years? Well, that's a lot of
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: conversation, Kim, a lot of compromising over sixty two years. But we're still together. And you know what? It works over a long you're give and take in a relationship. And I tell you that all the time.
• 2:32
  It's not always black or white. There are a lot of grays.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: Okay. Anna, what about you? Like, what is your secret to a long lasting marriage?
• 2:41
  Speaker 5: As Grandma Gill said, it's a lot of compromising. It's work. But overall, you know, I'm very happy. I'm 32, you know, since I was married and plus ten years prior to that. So I'm with my husband for forty two years, is perfect.
• 2:56
  No complain. And I love him.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: I feel like with both of you, you have to be different people in the last sixty years. Like, things have to change. Right?
• 3:05
  Speaker 5: You know at some point we are the same people now. Know I'm his right hands, he's my left hands it's like goes together. We decide everything together, we do everything together. I mean,
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: have a he's on son.
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: And yes, we do have a wonderful son who is almost 15. We started a little bit later, but you know, no regrets to that.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Okay, grandma, while your curls set, let's walk and talk.
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: Okay. Alright, Anna. Grandma,
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: do you think divorce rates will go up in the next year?
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: I think divorce rate will not go up. I think marriages will go down. There are not as many people getting married.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: But I feel like I have a wedding every weekend. That can't be true.
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: Well, I think in your particular group, a lot of getting married now at 30, 35, but that's not what it was when I was young. We all got married at 20, 21, and we had children very young. So everybody's pushing it forward, and many are not getting married at all. There's no question birth rates are going down and marriages are going down.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: In a bad marriage, what do you think the first thing that disappears is? Like is it communication? Is it date nights?
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: I think bad marriages just happen because you're not on the same page. And that's something that's going to just, you know, hopefully you don't get married. You have a lot of dates first, which you people don't rush into marriage like we all did. So I think bad marriages form because communication is lacking. Also, there's always situations with jobs, sometimes with having to move to different locations, all kinds of things.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: Can I ask you ladies what you think makes a bad marriage?
• 4:53
  Speaker 6: Well, year. Don't want my advice, I got divorced.
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: Oh, that's a good one. We do want yours. What was the reason? What was the main reason if
• 5:00
  Speaker 5: I might have asked?
• 5:01
  Speaker 6: I got divorced very young. Was just 30. Okay. I got married very young and then I got divorced very young. I think we didn't agree on parenting.
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: No, no, no. On parenting. Do you have children with that husband? That's a big, that's what I always, it's money, children.
• 5:17
  Speaker 6: Oh, took all, it's money.
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: Oh, good. All right,
• 5:20
  Speaker 6: But we didn't agree on the parenting and Oh, see that.
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: That's a major thing.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah. You've discussed
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: that before you get married? That's a question I often Well,
• 5:30
  Speaker 6: think realize what kind of parent they are until after you have kids.
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: Oh, I see. I see. But you want don't think you know what kind of
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: parent you'll be. No. Yeah, that's a good point.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: That is a good point.
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: Grandma, did you know that Poppy would have been a good father before you married him? Mean these girls said you can't tell.
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: You know what, I do believe, no, you can never tell if somebody's gonna be a good father. But I think if their general personalities are such that they're giving, they're loving, then they tend to be good fathers. Who knows if you're going to be a good mother? It's all about growing into the role. But what
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: do you think?
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: There's one right answer. Is no right answer.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: No, there's one right answer that I am, will it be the best
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: mom of all time? Well, Yes. No. You and I have different ideas of how parenting is. Maybe yours will work.
• 6:21
  I hope they will. But the truth is nobody knows how they're really going to happen till they're up 02:00 in the morning all night long giving bottles True. And changing diapers every five minutes.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: I feel like if you're generally not a selfish person and you're like selfless and loving, like those are all things to look out for.
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: Good. Ask him how he likes to being a daddy. Do you like being a daddy? Is it the greatest thing?
• 6:44
  Speaker 6: Absolutely. I have four kids. I want more, but my wife stopped.
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: Well, know, it's a big responsibility to have four kids and run a business.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: What do you think is one good habit that keeps relationships alive?
• 6:58
  Speaker 6: I think the most important thing is communication. That's the key to a healthy relationship always. And you avoid problems.
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: You avoid problems. So you have to talk it out before. I really think. Thank you. Thanks.
• 7:12
  Thanks for your advice. We're listening to everybody on relationships. Do you
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: think the rule is silly that couples shouldn't go to bed angry? No, I
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: don't think it's silly. I think that's a very good rule because anger festers. And so before you go to sleep, before you have nightmares about why you were arguing to begin with all night long, you should really settle it. Settle it before you go to bed. Of course, with your puppy, if you turn the light off, he would go to sleep immediately.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay.
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: You sit in a room in that's my my pleasure. Had to sit there with the lights on. Yeah. Because if you did it with him when
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: the lights are off, he was gone. Okay. So if you're in a fight, say, let's move to the kitchen. No. You're moving
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: to the kitchen. Just turn just don't turn the lights off. Okay.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Got it.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: Because turning the lights off was immediately meant he had to go to sleep.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Zach and I definitely abide by that rule. Sometimes I just wanna be like, okay.
• 8:04
  Okay. Okay. Because I'm tired. But he's like, no. Like, let's sort it out.
• 8:07
  So this isn't a problem tomorrow. And so I agree with that. The issue is and the girls might relate. Sometimes I have nightmares about my boyfriend that he did something which he didn't actually do, and then in the morning I'm mad at him, and I want him to apologize. Kimberly,
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: this is silly. The poor man doesn't do anything. All, you're in the so you should be in the stage where there's no fighting. I don't understand what two unmarried with no children with money in your pockets have to fight about.
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: Plenty of things like miscommunications.
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: If it becomes too much fighting,
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: you're Well, gonna didn't say I go fight every night, but it'd be weird if you haven't had a disagreement in years of dating.
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but I don't think it should be major disagreements.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: If it's major disagreements now, that worries me because you know what, life, before you have children, there are really no disagreements if you must know the truth. There's nothing to
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: find With your life experience and the context, but I'm sure on a day to day, before you had kids and got married, there were still little things that you
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: No. We didn't argue about anything.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: It was not an argument.
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: Argument was where we were gonna go for dinner or who was gonna take the trash Maybe
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: I'm just not that deep. No, I
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: am definitely not that deep anymore.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: Is there anything your mom taught you about marriage that you still take on with you?
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: Well, my mom taught me everything about marriage, but my mom said don't fight unless it's really a necessary reason to fight. There are loads of things that you will find in your life that are worth fighting over, such as how you want to raise your children. Perhaps that's the biggest argument. Sometimes each person comes from a different family and they might not have the same backgrounds, the same idea of how family should be. But that should all be worked out really before you get married.
• 10:06
  Did you notice my scissors sweater?
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: Oh, because we're at a salon?
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: Because we're at a salon and I came dressed appropriately.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: Does it go with the hair curlers?
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: But now I think I need to take the hair curler. I think Anna has to come back in the scene.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: I feel like a lot of my friends are in the honeymoon stage of marriage. When do you think that ends?
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: The honeymoon stage ends as soon as you have your first child. Right, Anna? Exactly. As soon as you have to get up at 02:00 in the morning and feed the baby who's crying and then stay up for the next three hours because he won't go back to bed, that's when the honeymoon stays.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: But there has to be ways to keep the excitement, maybe not every day,
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: but There's no excitement. There's no excitement. It's work every day. It's a work every day. There's no excitement left after that.
• 10:52
  You have to have a date night, perhaps, and get away from all the issues that's in the house. But the truth of the matter is, once you start with failing that's why it's so many times in the years past when we got married young, you didn't have children for a couple of years because you really wanted to have that base together. But now everybody lives together for a couple of years so there's no reason to wait a couple of years.
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: That was in my case actually. We used to live together for being married already for fifteen years prior we had George. So we had our honeymoon for a long time. Yeah. And now it's life.
• 11:32
  Yeah, you got married
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: much younger. Yes. I
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: got married much younger.
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: People in their 30s are now waiting fifteen years or they missed the boat.
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: I was already married by Yeah.
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: That's right. So I think today is a little different from our generations and Anna's much later than I but we came from the same idea of getting married young. But I think honeymoons are for honeymooners and for the beginning part of your marriage and then reality checks in. It doesn't mean you love each other less, it's just a different it takes on different shades and different love, different types of love. It's like love of your child is not the same as love of your husband or love of your parent.
• 12:12
  Everybody, you you love different ways.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah. But, Grandma, you know I hate reality. Well, honey, you're gonna have
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: to wake up to reality. And I I say that to you all the time.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: She's like, oh, damn.
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: Oh, damn. She I I don't know. I mean, unfortunately, reality goes out the window. Reality steps into the window. I shouldn't say that.
• 12:33
  And dreams are what you make together. You make a wonderful life together, but it composes of different things, Kim.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: Mix of dreams and reality. Correct. Correct.
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: Then And
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: not to be yeah. You can't be and this is going back to those rom com things which I tell you are always fantasies. You have to realize life is not a rom com. It's getting up, going to your job, doing what you have to do, taking care of your kids, fixing dinner or doing whatever you're ordering in for dinner, it still takes an effort, cleaning your house. It's all chores that sometimes are shared and sometimes are not.
• 13:12
  And nothing is equal in life. So sometimes you do more than 50% and the other times your partner does more than 50%. But that's the compromises you have to have a
• 13:23
  Speaker 6: long
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: marriage. It's nothing and you work at it. You have to work at it. Every day is something that you do in kindness for the other person without even thinking about it. And that makes a marriage.
• 13:36
  What you think about, you you know that your grandfather doesn't like garlic. So now I just go to the restaurant and say, What's on the menu that doesn't have garlic in it? You know there are likes and dislikes and you don't want the person to be agitated. That's what love is. It's not the passion that you have when you first start out.
• 13:55
  It's the little things that make your life beautiful together.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: It's how do I make them the least aggravated as possible? Correct. Okay. Correct.
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: Got it. You got it? Mhmm. Yeah.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: Thank you for the advice. Let's end the episode with one of GrandmaGal's rules. Grandma, what do you
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: have today? Going along with having my hair done. It takes effort and maintenance, but it's fabulous at the end.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: Love it. You like it? Another great episode of Excuse My Grandma. Remember to follow us, share this with anyone in your family, use Grandma's hair for inspo next time you go to the salon, and we'll see you soon.