Latest / PTT Music Podcast / The Hidden Weight of Grudges

Transcript

The Hidden Weight of Grudges · PTT Music Podcast

• 0:21
  So, um, I was cleaning out the garage the other day and I found this old,
• 0:26
  dusty bag of quick dry concrete mix.
• 0:29
  It must have been sitting there for, I don't know, three years.
• 0:32
  I go to lift it, and, uh, the bag rips.
• 0:36
  So I end up having to carry this, this massive, awkward, forty pound block of
• 0:41
  hardened stone across the yard.
• 0:44
  My back was sore for three days, Ava.
• 0:47
  Just, just brutal.
• 0:48
  Why didn't you just get a wheelbarrow or, or, like, ask for help?
• 0:52
  Why carry the whole dead weight yourself?
• 0:56
  Because I was being stubborn!
• 0:58
  That is the, the honest truth.
• 1:01
  I was determined to do it in one go.
• 1:04
  But it got me thinking about how we can do the exact same thing with our emotions.
• 1:09
  Like, carrying these hidden, heavy, rock hard grudges around,
• 1:14
  week after week, year after year, and not even realizing the physical toll it is
• 1:19
  taking.
• 1:20
  Oh, absolutely.
• 1:21
  It can be exhausting.
• 1:23
  And it is not just, you know, a metaphor.
• 1:26
  The science on this is actually pretty wild.
• 1:29
  When you hold onto a grievance, your brain does not realize it is in the past.
• 1:35
  It treats that unresolved conflict as an active, ongoing threat.
• 1:40
  So your body stays locked in this chronic, energy draining state of,
• 1:46
  of fight or flight.
• 1:48
  Wait, so your brain thinks the, the person who cut you off in traffic three years
• 1:53
  ago is, like, still chasing you?
• 1:55
  Yes!
• 1:56
  Exactly!
• 1:57
  It is keeping your heart rate up, your muscles tense, and your cortisol spiking.
• 2:02
  You are essentially paying a heavy physical tax for something that is already over.
• 2:08
  And there are actual empirical studies on this, Jordan.
• 2:11
  Empirical studies have shown that forgiveness decreases anger,
• 2:16
  anxiety, and depression, and it directly increases self esteem and hopefulness for
• 2:22
  the future.
• 2:23
  So, when you choose not to forgive, you are basically choosing to stay in that low
• 2:29
  self esteem, high anxiety loop.
• 2:32
  That is crazy.
• 2:34
  We think we are keeping a ledger to, to protect ourselves, right?
• 2:38
  Like, if I hold onto this grudge, I am holding them accountable.
• 2:43
  But they are probably out eating tacos, not even thinking about us,
• 2:47
  while we are sitting here with a knot in our stomach.
• 2:50
  Exactly!
• 2:51
  It is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.
• 2:55
  I actually caught myself doing this recently with, um, with a friend of mine.
• 3:00
  We had this, this minor misunderstanding over a text message.
• 3:05
  Nothing major, just a silly tone issue.
• 3:08
  But I started keeping this, this silent, mental tally of every little thing she did
• 3:14
  after that.
• 3:15
  Like, oh, she took six hours to reply to my meme, so she must be mad.
• 3:22
  Oh, the text message ledger.
• 3:24
  That is a dangerous game.
• 3:27
  It is!
• 3:28
  It was so exhausting!
• 3:30
  I realized I was bringing this weird, cold energy to our conversations for
• 3:35
  absolutely no reason.
• 3:37
  Finally, I just, I just stopped.
• 3:42
  I decided to throw the mental ledger away.
• 3:45
  And the second I did, Jordan, the immediate sense of lightness was incredible.
• 3:52
  It was like putting down that forty pound block of concrete you were carrying.
• 3:57
  That is so powerful, Ava.
• 4:00
  It reminds me so much of the PTT Music track "Stronger Than Before."
• 4:05
  You know, that song we released.
• 4:07
  It has this driving, relentless rhythm that feels like you are finally breaking free
• 4:13
  from the weight.
• 4:14
  True strength is not about carrying the heaviest burden and surviving it.
• 4:19
  It is about having the courage to release the old baggage so you can actually move
• 4:24
  forward cleanly.
• 4:25
  Yes, exactly.
• 4:27
  Moving forward cleanly.
• 4:29
  But, okay, how do we actually do that?
• 4:32
  Because, let's be real, telling someone to just forgive and let go is,
• 4:37
  is a lot easier said than done.
• 4:39
  How do we break that rumination loop?
• 4:42
  Well, it starts with a cognitive shift.
• 4:46
  We have to reframe the narrative.
• 4:49
  Usually, when someone is harboring resentment, they turn the other person into this
• 4:53
  cartoon villain in their head.
• 4:55
  They did this on purpose, they wanted to hurt me, they are pure evil.
• 5:01
  But the reality is almost always that they are just, well, a human being who made a
• 5:06
  mistake, or was having a tough day, or just lacked the tools to do better.
• 5:11
  Right.
• 5:12
  Separating their identity from their specific hurtful action.
• 5:16
  It does not mean what they did was okay, but it stops them from occupying all that
• 5:21
  free rent in your mind.
• 5:23
  Exactly.
• 5:24
  So, to make this practical for everyone listening, let's break this down into three
• 5:29
  action steps you can start using today.
• 5:32
  Ava, do you want to share the first one?
• 5:33
  Yes!
• 5:34
  Step number one is what we call the Ledger Audit.
• 5:38
  It is a physical exercise.
• 5:41
  Grab a piece of paper and actually write down a specific grievance you may be
• 5:46
  holding onto.
• 5:47
  Write out exactly what happened and why it hurt.
• 5:51
  Then, right next to it, write the words, balanced and closed.
• 5:57
  After that, physically rip up the paper or throw it away.
• 6:01
  It sounds simple, but that physical act of closing the tab tells your brain that the
• 6:06
  debt is settled and you can stop carrying it.
• 6:10
  I love that.
• 6:12
  Step two is the Humanizing Pivot.
• 6:15
  When you find yourself spinning in circles about how someone wronged you,
• 6:19
  actively practice reframing them.
• 6:21
  Say to yourself, they are a human experiencing their own struggles,
• 6:26
  and they made a poor choice.
• 6:28
  This simple pivot helps separate their identity from their mistake,
• 6:32
  which takes away the power of that cartoon villain narrative.
• 6:36
  And finally, step three is the Sonic Reset.
• 6:39
  Use our song, "Stronger Than Before," as an auditory anchor.
• 6:44
  When you feel that tension rising, or you catch yourself opening that mental ledger,
• 6:50
  put on the track.
• 6:51
  Let the energy of the music signal to your nervous system that you are safe,
• 6:57
  you are strong, and it is time to transition from resentment into true empowerment.
• 7:04
  Again, thanks for spending this time with us on the PTT Music Podcast.
• 7:09
  We hope today's conversation left you inspired, encouraged,
• 7:13
  and ready to carry that energy with you wherever life takes you.
• 7:17
  I'm Jordan Sterling...
• 7:18
  And I'm Ava Brooks.
• 7:20
  We'll see you next time for another conversation that celebrates creativity,
• 7:24
  purpose, and the power of music.
• 7:27
  If you enjoyed today's episode, we'd love for you to continue the journey with us.
• 7:31
  Visit PTTMusic.com to explore our latest music, official videos,
• 7:37
  exclusive merchandise, artist updates, and much more.
• 7:41
  You can also stream PTT Music on your favorite music platforms.
• 7:45
  And be sure to subscribe to our podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with
• 7:50
  someone who could use a little inspiration today...
• 7:53
  Until next time, keep moving forward.
• 7:55
  And let the PTT Music continue to move you closer to who you truly are.