Latest / Grounded Growth / When You Feel Like You're Failing as a Mother
Transcript
- Stephanie Petry: Hi, welcome to. Nicole Ghirardi: Hi, welcome to Grounded Growth Podcast. I'm Nicole Girardi. And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Stephanie Petry: ⁓ And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button. Nicole Ghirardi: Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button Stephanie Petry: right now on whatever app you're listening on. Nicole Ghirardi: right now on whatever app you're listening on. I'm Stephanie Petrie. I'm the culture RD. And we are continuing our series in motherhood rooted in grace. today we are gonna talk about when you feel like you are failing, because we are all there, mama. So hold tight. feeling like we are failing is not the same as actually failing. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're gonna be preaching a lot to ourselves as well to you. So hopefully it's encouraging. as Christians, we have to evaluate that feeling through the truth of scripture, not our feelings, rather than allowing our emotions, comparison, culture, and circumstances to define reality. Our three enemies, the world, the flesh, and the devil, seek to discourage us from living in the fullness of who we are in Christ. and so the world tells us to conform to its mold and measure ourselves by worldly standards. of success, of motherhood, of beauty and productivity and status. The flesh pulls us towards self-glory, to take to make our motherhood, our children, or our accomplishments and even sacrifices about us. and then Satan reminds us of past sins and present failures in an attempt to paralyze our faith and to convince us that we are disqualified. so. There's that. we live in the tension of that already and not yet. So in Christ, we have already been declared righteous. we're adopted and redeemed and fully loved, but we have not yet been fully made righteous. and so our remaining sin means that motherhood will expose places where we still need grace and we still need the shaping and guidance of the Holy Spirit to grow. But that struggle is the evidence of a battle. Not evidence that we don't belong to Christ. So instead of asking only, Am I enough? We can ask, where am I turning when I realize I am not enough? And are we participating in the means of grace? I talk about this a lot. So God's word, prayer, worship, and Christian fellowship. So that is the means of which we receive and can participate in God's grace. and are we investing in those eternal things through obedient faithfulness rather than chasing worldly desires, status, or approval? and when we encounter our limitations, we are turning toward Jesus, our sustainer and giver of grace. Are you doing that? I don't always do that. God may call us to sacrifice, to change our plans, or to live differently than someone else. And we need biblical wisdom to understand not only what God calls us to be, but how and why we live it out in that particular circumstance. So what we are what I think we need to do first is to really understand what does it actually mean to be an FSMO. Mm. So tell me all of the things. I advise one. I that is that is heavy. Here we go. I think we have to start by separating our identity from our role. Being a mom is an incredible p important calling, but motherhood is not our ultimate identity. Repeat that. Yeah, that's hard. So it is such a blessing to have the role and the title of mom, but that is not where your entire identity lies. and that's hard to hear. So if I'm looking the motherhood to tell me whether I'm valuable, whether I'm successful or purposeful or worthy. I'm asking it to carry something it was never designed to carry in the first place. And that's a lot of pressure. Just let it go. So Elizabeth Elliot said the fact that I'm a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I'm a Christian makes me a different kind of woman. Amen to that. I love that because before I can ask what kind of mom am I, I need to remember what kind of woman am I in Christ. So that means once we belong to Christ, our relationship with sin changes. So for someone who doesn't know price, sin can feel natural and repentance is unnecessary. They don't even realize they're doing it. But for a believer, sin becomes something that we start to grieve and it we battle it and we start confessing the Lord, turning from it, repenting. So the fact that I see my failures and am uncomfortable with them does not necessarily mean I'm failing. It can actually be evidence that the spirit is at work in us. So I just think that is important because if we misunderstand what faithfulness looks like, then we can spend our entire lives trying to prove that we're not doing enough. but scripture gives us a much better framework for that. Mm-hmm. It gives us an understanding of why we feel like we're failing and what we can actually be underneath it. And I think we feel like we are failing because the standard we are measuring against is impossible. There is no finish line in motherhood. So there is always something we could have done better or bigger. And we compare ourselves constantly. my big comparison is that social media shows us everyone else's best moments, and we hold them up against our own hardest ones, and so we judge the whole day by. 10 minutes, the worst 10 minutes of our of our day, or one meltdown, or one lost temper, and we decide the entire day and sometimes ourselves was a huge failure. And a lot of us have quietly tied our worth to our kids and how they behave. So when they struggle, we feel like the failure is ours, not theirs, ours. And there is That lie underneath all of it that we are simply not enough. And Faith Chang names this in peace over perfection as the perfectionist's ache, believing in grace with our heads while we still feeling like we never quite measure up. And Heidi St. John writes in becoming mom strong. So many moms carry a constant sense of feeling exhausted and inadequate. That feeling is almost universal, even though we each think we're the only one that's experiencing it. and I lie in bed at night and replay every way I fell short that day and the patience I lost. you know, I mean lately I've been so snappy and moody. or the moment I missed with Joe or Jack. or I was at Joe's event instead of Jack's event or the thing I forgot. you know, or, you know, and it's just like a highlight reel of my failures. And it's Yes. You know, so it's so heavy. and my worst days are the ones that where I let that replay convince me I'm actually failing my kids and instead of just having a hard day like every other human being on this world. So I think of Moses at the burning bush, staring at the biggest calling of his life and saying, Who am I? And please send someone else. I mean, and I think if I'm if I was Moses in that position, I think I would say send someone else. You know? feeling unqualified is not new and it is not. Proof that we actually are unqualified, though. God has the plan. He picks us for reasons, and he picks us to be the mother of Jackson and Jojo and of Trav. And that's what's important and what to remember. the hard truth is that feeling like a failure and actually failing are not the same thing. The feeling is loud. But it is not the final word on who I am or how I am doing. And when we start believing that lie that we are failing, it does not just stay in our heads. It quietly changes how we show up at home. So what does it look like when we believe that lie stuff? So one way that I think that we can recognize that we've believed the lie is looking at what we're turning toward. For our security. so our like I said at the beginning, our three enemies, the world, the flesh, and the devil, all want to pull us away from the truth of who we are in Christ. So the world tells us to conform. It gives us that mold of successful mom should look like and what those children should accomplish, should, should, should. how her home should look, and what she should be able to balance, and even what kind of life she should want. So if we don't fit that mold, then we can start believing something is wrong with us. And there's that comparison again. The flesh turns our attention towards self-glory and pride. So even good things can become about us. So we can begin to measure our motherhood by our child's behavior or our productivity or sacrifices or even the praise that we receive. so our failure to worship God instead of worshiping ourselves is ultimately an attempt to eclipse God's glory and take praise that belongs to him. So Satan wants to paralyze us and he reminds us of our past sins, our present failures. And he whispers that we've blown it too badly to be useful. so the gospel says that our failures are not. Greater than Christ's grace. and we don't have to hide from God when we fail. we can actually run toward him. So Psalm 106, 20 through 21 reminds us of Israel's tendency to exchange God's glory for something else. And that is a warning for us too, because when we look to ourselves, our children, or our accomplishments, or even other people's approval, then to give us what only God can give. We will always end up de We will always end up empty. And for me, believing the lie looks like pulling back, going quiet and isolating myself. Because if I am failing anyway, why let anyone see it? it looks like snapping at my kids. I'm very good at that sometimes. And then spiraling and letting one hard moment turn into a whole day of self self-condemnation. It looks like overcompensating, trying to earn back some sense of being a good mom. I mean, quotations there, good mom. by doing more, buying more, being everything to everyone, where it's clearly we just can't. And it looks like comparing so much that I stop seeing the good that is actually happening in my own home. it looks like beating myself up in a way I would never let anyone talk to my own children. I am calling it being honest with myself. I've really have brought and worked on this with me. Like, would I say this to Stephanie? If I would say this to Stephanie, then I'll say it to myself. But if I won't say it to Stephanie, then why are we saying it to ourselves? That's so true. And women are just so hard on themselves and we have to stop. And what brings me back is remembering that condemnation is never from God. He convicts to draw me close, but the voice that just piles on shame is not his. And I do not have to believe it. And thankfully, the voice telling us we are failing does not get the last word. Jesus meets worn out, discouraged moms with something completely different from condemnation. So what does Jesus show us about? So in Psalm 73, 25 through 26, it says, Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. I love this passage a lot. and I And I love that it doesn't pretend that our flesh and our hearts won't fail. they will. And we will have limitations. We do have limitations, and we will get tired and we make mistakes and we sin and our children will struggle. circumstances will not always go the way that we hoped. And I notice where the psalmist takes that reality. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. The answer to our limitations isn't convincing ourselves that we're limitless. It's actually recognizing that God is limitless and we are dependent on Him. So that's one of the reasons that I love the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. And Martha thinks that she's serving Jesus by giving. Giving him a meal and taking care of everything that needs to be done, all the things. but Jesus reminds her gently that Mary has chosen the better portion by sitting at his feet and listening to him. So Jesus isn't condemning service. That's not what it is. He's revealing something about where our life comes from. So Martha was trying to give something to Jesus, but Jesus was the one giving the real food. Mary was receiving from him. it's not that Martha was wrong in service. So I just think that there's something especially beautiful here for women. Jesus welcomes Mary to sit at his feet and learn from him. He invites her to receive from him. That connects so deeply to the gospel too. We don't come to Jesus because we have enough to offer him. We come because he has everything that we need. So humanity failed under the covenant of works and the law. And God responded by not abandoning his people. But by providing grace and salvation, and that is full, unmerited, and free. It is a free gift from God, which is Jesus. So when we fail as a Ma, okay, we don't need to run away from God in shame. What we need to do is we need to run toward Him. We need His word. We need to prayer. We need to pray. We need worship. And we need Christian fellowship. We need to find some sisters in Christ. I need that grace that he has already provided. So that changes how we should see our failures. They become opportunities really to remember that we were never meant to sustain ourselves. Jesus is the sustainer of our life and giver of our grace. I do have a song connection for you guys that I wanted to share here, and it is my portion by Shane and Shane. This is why the language of God being our Portion is so meaningful. If everything else fails, my plans, my performance, my energy, even my sense of confidence, God remains. I don't have to make myself enough when Christ is enough. Isaiah 12, 1 through 3 gives us that picture of salvation producing joy. God has become our salvation, and therefore we can draw water with joy from the wells of salvation. Our profound joy doesn't come from finally being that perfect mom. It comes from knowing that we have been called, we've been saved, redeemed, adopted into that family of God. And God will equip you for what He's called you to, and that includes your motherhood. And if that's true, then Jesus is our portion and our righteousness. And maybe the question isn't how do I stop failing? Maybe the better question is how do I faithfully walk with Jesus? When I recognize my limitations. Well, let me just tell you stuff. I've got some okay got some tips here. Preach truth to yourself louder than the lie. the failure feeling is so loud, like we talked about. So you have to answer it out loud with what it is actually true. When the voice says you are failing, name it as the lie and replace it with scripture. And you are not defined by your worst moment. You are defined by whose you are. Keep a few verses where you can see them on the mirror, the fridge. I like to use the wallpaper on my phone or like in your notes section of your of your phone for those moments that the lies get so loud for you. for me, that looks like literally saying it out loud. I am not failing. I am just tired and God's mercy is is new this morning. Instead of letting the reply, the re to replay it, run constantly all day. next one is trade the highlight reel for real life. I mean, easier said than done. delete the app on your phone. That's what I would do. That's what I did. comparison is one of the fastest ways to feel like a failure. So guard what you let in. put the phone down when scrolling and to turns into measuring. And remember you are comparing your behind the scenes to someone's five s seconds of amazing Amazingness. notice and name one good thing that actually happened today, however small it is. for me, that looks like unfollowing the accounts that leave me feeling behind. and texting a mom friend who will be real with me instead. so you know, it's or if you don't want to unfollow somebody because you still want to be their friend, just unfollow their news feed. So that way you're not having all of that negativity and that comparison. Or just delete the app. Social media is is I swear the worst thing in my life at the moment. let your kids see you fail and recover. Okay. Your kids do not need a perfect mom. They need one who shows them what it looks like to mess up and come back to God. When you lose it, own it, apologize, and model repentance instead of pretending it did not happen. A mom who says sorry teaches her kids that grace is real and failure is not final. Amen. Yes. And that looks like getting down on their level. Like if you got littles, mommy was wrong and I'm sorry, you know? Or if you're Jackson, for instance, I'm kind of having to look up now to talk to him because he's getting taller than me. I was wrong. You know, and him and I had words about this the other day, and I apologized to him, like, what mom? What did you say? And you know, and he kind of played the card of, mark the calendar, mom admitted it. But it's true. Say you're wrong. Say you're sorry. And letting them see you pray it out. Pray it out with them. And that's what's important. and then of course the last one is measure by faithfulness, not perfection. God never asked you to be a perfect mom, like Steph said. He asked you to be a faithful one. And those are very different things. So at the end of the day, ask not, was I perfect? But did I show up? Did I love them? And keep pointing us both back to Jesus. That's what you need to be asking yourself. So celebrate the small, faithful things you did instead of cataloging every way you fell short. For me, that looks like just naming one thing I did right before vibe in my journal instead of only re-rehearsing everything I did wrong. Good. I think that this there is one more piece here that we don't want to miss, and that is faithfulness isn't just about how we respond after we fail. It's also about learning to discern what God is actually asking us in the first place. So discernment. We can sometimes feel like we're failing because we're trying to live someone else's story where we aren't even plugged in and connected with the Lord. And wrapping up the episode, I think one of the things, if you don't take anything else from this episode, take this. Feeling like you're failing is not the same as failing. Remember that. And it is definitely not the truth about who you are. Your worth as a mom was never up for grubs. It was settled by Jesus, and no hard day can undo it. And so pick one line you've been believing about yourself this week and hand it to God on purpose. He has much kinder, truer things to say about you. And those are the words that you need to be hearing this week. Faith Chang puts it beautifully in peace over perfection that God never had any illusions about our goodness to begin with. So he is not up in heaven disappointed in you. He knew exactly who he was calling into this. So think back to Moses, who felt so unqualified, he begs God to send someone else. And yet God used him to lead a whole nation. Your feeling of not being enough has never once disqualified you from what God has called you to do. So on the days that the failure is so loud, do not believe it. Come back to Jesus, let him remind you who you are, and mother from that grace instead of that shame. I think my encouragement as we close this out is just to live faithfully in the story God has actually written for you rather than constantly measuring your life against someone else's. comparison really is the death of so many good things. And when we are constantly measuring up, we can stop seeing the gifts that God has given us. And even the people that he's actually placed around us. So God never intended for one person to embody every gift for every role. He builds his body through all of his children. And we get to honor, encourage, and love one another with our differences. I know this can be especially personal for moms, and there can be an expectation that the best mom, air quotes again, is the one who stays home or who works or homeschools or does all the things. But faithfulness doesn't look identical for every mom. So I have had to wrestle with the fact that I cannot stay home as a mom and a wife. And that doesn't mean I'm failing to live the life that God intended for me. We need a biblical wisdom, not simply asking what should a Christian mom do, but asking, How is God calling me to faithfully live in the particular circumstance, relationships? giftings, knowledge, experience, and interest that he has given me. that requires prayer, God's word, our spouse, our Christian community, and we can ask honest questions about our motivations. so am I doing this because I genuinely believe that God is leading me here or I bel or is it because I feel pressure from other people? am I pursuing something because it is faithful or because I've made it an idol? And I just think that we also have to count that cost. So every time we say yes to something, we're saying no to something else. That's something I I trade, I should probably trademark it, but I just it it's brought me so much clarity and decisions that I'm making. and it keeps me grounded to what I'm saying yes to. It doesn't mean that you should be afraid to say yes. it just means that we make those decisions with our eyes open, that we are praying and seeking wisdom and considering those risks while trusting God to lead us. just keep processing, keep praying, keep asking questions, and keep in having those honest conversations with believing friends. Because those true sisters in Christ, it's not a comparison there. You're literally just kind of sharing your heart to be guided in what is true or maybe you're even sharing why you've said yes to a certain thing. And then that's gonna help lead them in a in a possible yes for their family. So God uses all kinds of things for his people to work together too. So obedience to God is evidence of a heart that has been redeemed. So it doesn't mean that we will obey perfectly. It just means that when we fail, we repent. When we're confused, we seek for wisdom. And when we're weak, we depend on Christ. So when God calls us forward, we trust Him and obey. So because of my flesh and my heart will fail. Yours will too. But God is the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. Our next episode. next time we're gonna keep talking about trust and we're going to take it one step further. So what happens when our children are outside of our control? how do we let go of our need to manage, protect, predict, and fix everything and actually trust God with them? So next time our episode is called Letting Go and Trusting God with them. Hi friends. Thank you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, Stephanie Petry: Thank you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, stay grounded and keep growing. Nicole Ghirardi: stay grounded and keep growing.