Latest / Cats & Pudding with Jennifer Dilandro / Adam Cohen Aslatei - The Future of Finding Love

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Adam Cohen Aslatei - The Future of Finding Love · Cats & Pudding with Jennifer Dilandro

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  Speaker 1: The largest number of singles are online in January, February, March,
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  Speaker 1: and the largest number of breakups happened November and December.
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  Speaker 2: Is the Cats in Butting podcast.
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  Speaker 3: A Melting Pot and now here's jam. Welcome, have a
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  Speaker 3: body to our episode of Cats and Pudding. And today
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  Speaker 3: I have a great, great guess. His name is Adam
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  Speaker 3: Cohen s Laddie. Did I say it right? And he
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  Speaker 3: you're match maker or your run a match rush? He
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  Speaker 3: runs a match making you don't. You don't do yourself
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  Speaker 3: actually match people times what you do? I probably started
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  Speaker 3: that way. Yes, okay, so that's very interesting. So ju
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  Speaker 3: just so, can you tell us a little bit about
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  Speaker 3: company and what you do?
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  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, very interesting. Can you hear me testing testing?
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  Speaker 2: We're good? Okay. So I've been in the dating industry
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  Speaker 2: for fourteen years.
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  Speaker 3: Wow.
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  Speaker 2: I started when I was I can say that on camera.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm two. I started with when I was twenty two,
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  Speaker 1: Hold you exactly and I was I'm Canadian. I just
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  Speaker 1: became American today.
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  Speaker 2: We give you exactly right.
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  Speaker 1: And so I've been working for dating app companies mostly
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  Speaker 1: through the last ten years. You know, the big guys,
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  Speaker 1: including the meat Group and Zeus and Bumble, and then
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  Speaker 1: I started my own dating app called s'more a couple
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  Speaker 1: of years ago, which was all more standard for or
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  Speaker 1: stood for something more, which is anti superficial dating.
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  Speaker 3: So I was thinking of a small like something decadent
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  Speaker 3: and the Marshmellow and the gram Kracker.
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  Speaker 2: And all the perfect combination of everything.
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  Speaker 3: That's a See, that's a good app. What is it called?
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  Speaker 2: That? Not an acroadym it's a good metaphor?
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  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, very good.
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  Speaker 1: So we created the first app where you didn't judge
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  Speaker 1: a person based on looks. You actually chat with them
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  Speaker 1: first to see what they looked like.
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  Speaker 3: Oh see, I like that.
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  Speaker 1: So you can hear their voice, you could listen to
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  Speaker 1: their favorite music. And the more you chat with them,
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  Speaker 1: the more than you see. So I sold my company
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  Speaker 1: to Talkify in twenty twenty three so the beginning of
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  Speaker 1: this year, and Talkifi is the largest matchmaking company in
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  Speaker 1: the country.
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  Speaker 3: Wow.
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  Speaker 1: So I run a lot of the operations at the
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  Speaker 1: business for launching a mobile website coming out soon.
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  Speaker 2: But this is old school matchmaking reinvented, okay, So I'll
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  Speaker 2: tell you all about that.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, So we know what matchmaking is because we see
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  Speaker 1: on TV. Right, you get a person comes to your
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  Speaker 1: house and get to know all about you and they
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  Speaker 1: send you on dates. The problem is, if you're not
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  Speaker 1: ready for love these dates, they don't right and be
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  Speaker 1: the best person ever. If you're not mentally ready to
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  Speaker 1: receive the person at not happening. So I'm gonna give
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  Speaker 1: you this say later on. This is all about coaching.
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  Speaker 1: So our company you get a coach and a matchmaker,
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  Speaker 1: and the coach gets you ready for love.
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  Speaker 3: So how do you get somebody ready for love?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so we have to unstick you from your past
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  Speaker 1: potential experience, a journey that went awry, some self discovery,
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  Speaker 1: building up confidence. Some people have not dated in many years.
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  Speaker 1: They don't know how to date. There's anxieties teaching you
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  Speaker 1: about yourself. What is your attachment style?
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  Speaker 2: What is your love language? Most people don't know these
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  Speaker 2: things about themselves. A love language, a love language?
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  Speaker 3: What's a love language?
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  Speaker 2: Well, some people get aroused speaking could could be acts
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  Speaker 2: of service.
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  Speaker 1: And kindness could be doing something for someone else. For
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  Speaker 1: some people, wealth can be, you know, a huge turn on.
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  Speaker 1: So it's understanding what turns you on?
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  Speaker 3: They could talk like I'm telling them somebody talking darty
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  Speaker 3: to me. Basically it could be could be speech.
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  Speaker 1: And so then also understanding the love language of your partner.
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  Speaker 1: So there's a lot of self discovery in getting successful
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  Speaker 1: at love. So we help you get ready for love.
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  Speaker 2: That's the coach.
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  Speaker 1: Then the matchmaker learns everything there is to know about
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  Speaker 1: you and when we talk about your values, your core beliefs,
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  Speaker 1: what you want to do on the weekend. Do you
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  Speaker 1: want to you know, pettict and make puddings. Do you
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  Speaker 1: really want to go to sat Bart's. Yes, Okay, So
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  Speaker 1: we're going to get to know all there is to
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  Speaker 1: know about you and then we set you up on
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  Speaker 1: amazing dates. We monitor these dates, we make sure we
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  Speaker 1: collect feedback from both people, okay, the candidate and the client,
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  Speaker 1: and then hopefully we find some love.
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  Speaker 2: And we have an eighty percent success rate. So we've
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  Speaker 2: been doing this for questions.
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  Speaker 3: How do you find how do you find people? How
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  Speaker 3: do you vet people?
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  Speaker 2: It's a great, great question.
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  Speaker 1: So unlike a dating app where it's sort of like
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  Speaker 1: the wild wild West, we have a team that that's
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  Speaker 1: one hundred percent of people that go on dates with
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  Speaker 1: our clients. So we do background checks, We have conversations,
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  Speaker 1: multiple conversations, getting to know who they are seeing, if
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  Speaker 1: there's a personality simpatico happening, or if we don't really
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  Speaker 1: feel like it's right finding that X factor. And then
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  Speaker 1: I also have a team, like they're called my stealth team.
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  Speaker 2: They're VIP recruits.
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  Speaker 1: So if I can't find you the perfect match, I
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  Speaker 1: will send my VIP recruiting team into America to find
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  Speaker 1: you the perfect guy.
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  Speaker 3: And where do you send them? What I mean when
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  Speaker 3: you just let them lose.
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  Speaker 1: The places where you things that you love to do,
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  Speaker 1: very y, if you're a golfer, if you like to travel,
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  Speaker 1: if you remember of any kind of social club, we
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  Speaker 1: will literally send a recruiters to every.
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  Speaker 3: Place the social clubs that we.
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  Speaker 2: Tell me more, tell me more. Maybe I do, but yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I think we were gonna send you.
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  Speaker 1: We're gonna send our recruiters to places where you want
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  Speaker 1: to hang out, where you do hang out to find someone, walk.
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  Speaker 3: To somebody when like they're watering the water because they
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  Speaker 3: like to go in and say, hey, do you want
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  Speaker 3: to go get somebody?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I mean you were more stealth than that.
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  Speaker 1: It's usually you know, we could be at an airport,
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  Speaker 1: when your guy's waiting to board his flight and has
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  Speaker 1: his guard is all the way down because he's waiting
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  Speaker 1: with nothing to do, and a pretty person comes over
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  Speaker 1: to the guy and says, hey, I love the way
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  Speaker 1: your shoes look, and they strike up a conversation and
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  Speaker 1: then we get the sky for you.
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  Speaker 2: So that's one example.
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  Speaker 3: The way do you bait them in with somebody who's pretty?
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  Speaker 2: I would you just bait them?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: I think it's a little we figure we figure out
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  Speaker 1: different ways of breaking the ice, different ways of breaking
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  Speaker 1: the ice.
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  Speaker 3: Well, you said they get a pretty girl to talk
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  Speaker 3: to the sky, we're.
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  Speaker 1: Sending it a person that is they would find interesting.
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  Speaker 1: Let's put that way, because at the end of the day,
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  Speaker 1: pretty face is pretty face, but there's no conversation.
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  Speaker 3: At the undred percent. I agree with you. If somebody
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  Speaker 3: doesn't make me laugh, I cannot be with you. Humor
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  Speaker 3: is a huge part of Looks will get you through
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  Speaker 3: the door, but it fades very quickly if you're not funny.
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  Speaker 2: I agree with that.
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  Speaker 3: I cannot be with Somebody has to keep me entertained.
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  Speaker 2: I agree. I agree. So I heard that you are
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  Speaker 2: in a situationship.
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  Speaker 3: I'm in a situationship right now?
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  Speaker 2: Okay, how are we feeling about that?
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  Speaker 3: I mean a situation it's I guess, I guess the
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  Speaker 3: person I'm with is I love him and he is
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  Speaker 3: a great friend, and I think that we're just having
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  Speaker 3: to have a really we're having a tough time during
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  Speaker 3: a relationship right now. I don't know if it's because
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  Speaker 3: we're on different paths in all life. I don't know
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  Speaker 3: if it's you know, he's retired and I'm like, now
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  Speaker 3: I'm like starting to wind up doing all these other things,
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  Speaker 3: Like I just thought of a podcast. I just you know,
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  Speaker 3: I have four businesses. You know, I'm very active. So
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  Speaker 3: it's not like I'm winding down. I feel like he's
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  Speaker 3: winding down and I'm winding up. And it's like we're
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  Speaker 3: going on to two different trajectories. And that's where the
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  Speaker 3: problem was at this point.
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  Speaker 2: Do you want the path to converge?
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  Speaker 3: I mean, it would be nice, but I don't know if, if,
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  Speaker 3: if we ever will converge. I think we're two different
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  Speaker 3: types of people. You know, it's it's it's a great
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  Speaker 3: story because we know which other since we're kids. You know,
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  Speaker 3: it's a great love story. It's you know, we dated
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  Speaker 3: when we were kids, you know, it's it's something, and
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  Speaker 3: we got back together when we were older after bad relationships,
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  Speaker 3: you know, broken marriages and things like that.
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  Speaker 1: It sounds like this reality shell that I heard about
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  Speaker 1: on Amazon a while ago, you know, the away second time,
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  Speaker 1: the charm maybe.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, I thought we thought we thought it was
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  Speaker 3: but you know, I don't know if we're just better
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  Speaker 3: as friends and not just open.
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  Speaker 2: Are you open to dating other people? Are you allowed to?
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  Speaker 3: I mean, I mean I am. I don't know if
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  Speaker 3: he'd be happy if I was saying this right now,
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  Speaker 3: But you know, it's kind of like we're at like
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  Speaker 3: I said, we're at a crossroads right now.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so a lot of difficult conversations ahead, but hopefully
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  Speaker 1: meaningful conversations. You know, we're in the midst of cutting season,
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  Speaker 1: so this is the season where people understand think about
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  Speaker 1: the relationship they're in. So everyone that's in the room
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  Speaker 1: with us right now, beyond you, yes, think about the
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  Speaker 1: relationships that you're in and think about is this what
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  Speaker 1: I want for myself in twenty twenty four. Do I
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  Speaker 1: want to continue on in the same path or do
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  Speaker 1: I want something new? And if you want something new,
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  Speaker 1: figure right on a piece of paper, what you want
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  Speaker 1: to go find it? Because we shouldn't be settling, We
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  Speaker 1: shouldn't be stuck with something that makes us unhappy, that's
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  Speaker 1: holding us back. But this is the time where people
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  Speaker 1: are in major transitions. And January, February and March is
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  Speaker 1: dating and dieting season. Really, so a news resolution is
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  Speaker 1: usually to find love, to help find a new job, money,
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  Speaker 1: and also dating is that where.
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  Speaker 3: You find most people start finding the prices.
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  Speaker 1: Breakups are happening November, December, and new relationships happen January, February, March.
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  Speaker 3: Really, you find people break up before the holidays.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, the most number of things, because you know they're
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  Speaker 1: scared to bring home someone for the fat, someone for
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  Speaker 1: the holidays that they may not be around with two
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  Speaker 1: months later. So should they break it off before or
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  Speaker 1: should they bring someone to the holidays so they know
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  Speaker 1: it's not going to be here next year. So they're
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  Speaker 1: having these conversations and they're kind of having these debates.
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  Speaker 1: But the largest number of singles are online in January, February, March,
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  Speaker 1: and the largest number of breakups happen November and December.
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  Speaker 3: Wow, because people break it up and then they're getting
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  Speaker 3: through it a couple of that's the worst thing to
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  Speaker 3: break up during a holiday though, especially if you're with
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  Speaker 3: somebody for a long time.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Look, the thing is with the holidays, you also of
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  Speaker 1: your family and your friends around, everyone's giving gifts.
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  Speaker 2: It's nice to be in a relationship.
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  Speaker 3: Sometimes you want to kill yourself.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.
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  Speaker 1: And you know, and then but then if you're single
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  Speaker 1: at the holidays, your family saying, so, where's the person
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  Speaker 1: beside you? You know, when you're going to get married,
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  Speaker 1: when you're having the baby.
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  Speaker 2: So it's just a lot of pressure.
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  Speaker 1: But ultimately, I think that people need to set up
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  Speaker 1: goal for themselves in their relationship. What do they really
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  Speaker 1: want out of it? And if they can't get that
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  Speaker 1: out of the partner, and they've tried the conversations, and
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  Speaker 1: they've tried coaching, and they try the therapy.
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  Speaker 2: You need to live for yourself. You need to be happy,
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  Speaker 2: and a person's not going to make you happy. So
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  Speaker 2: you have to make yourself happy.
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  Speaker 3: And that is very that is very great advice, and
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  Speaker 3: that's good wisdom. And you know, do you have a
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  Speaker 3: do you have your perfect relationship? Do I have?
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  Speaker 2: Yes, I have my perfect relationship. I've been in one
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  Speaker 2: for fourteen years.
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  Speaker 3: Nice, And I think you're young.
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  Speaker 1: I started really young, and I think that, you know,
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  Speaker 1: relationships are a lot of work.
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  Speaker 2: And I think a lot of times younger people.
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  Speaker 1: Especially go into relationships thinking that there's a million fish
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  Speaker 1: in the sea. And there's even a dating app called
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  Speaker 1: plenty of fifish yes, and so we're accustomed to if
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  Speaker 1: the data isn't completely perfection, literally going back on the
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  Speaker 1: dating apps that same night and looking for someone else,
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  Speaker 1: And so we start treating people like they're disposable. And
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  Speaker 1: so that's a problem because in this country, which is
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  Speaker 1: really interesting statistic, the greatest number of adult singles is
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  Speaker 1: happening right now in the country than any other point
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  Speaker 1: in the history of this country. There's a thirty percent
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  Speaker 1: increase in single adults from the nineteen eighties. So why
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  Speaker 1: is it that everyone's single? Do they just want to
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  Speaker 1: be single?
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  Speaker 2: Or are we just filtering through people so fast fast?
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  Speaker 3: So do you think? So what ages? Would you bean?
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  Speaker 3: Young adults or I'm adult my age I'm talking about
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  Speaker 3: like I.
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  Speaker 1: Think everyone, I think people are have been accustomed to
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  Speaker 1: the dating apps and just instant gratification instant gratification, and
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  Speaker 1: I think that they could work. They're not necessarily designed
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  Speaker 1: always for long term relationships.
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  Speaker 3: My daughter just son her boyfriend Mantenda.
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  Speaker 1: Well, she is very lucky, extremely lucky, because I believe
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  Speaker 1: there's a nine percent success rate for dating apps. So
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  Speaker 1: while we all may be on them, eighty one percent
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: or yeah, eighty one percent is actually ninety one percent
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: of people are funding reallylationships, not on dating apps.
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  Speaker 3: Where do you let me? So, where do you think
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: that most people will more apt to find love? Do
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: you think it's better to find it like within? Like
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  Speaker 3: I know what's in my community. Most people grow up together.
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: They it's got a dating they got married the children. Yes,
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  Speaker 3: do you find that to be still a way for
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  Speaker 3: people to do you think that's a good way to
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  Speaker 3: find me?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: Because I think if you grow up, like if you
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  Speaker 1: grow up in a small community, you know everyone, you're comfortable,
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  Speaker 1: they usually share your values. Those relationships usually last longer.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: If you're meeting someone in the wild wild West, it
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  Speaker 1: can be more difficult to figure out who are these people?
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Who are their parents? Who are coming from? Right?
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Can I do a credit check on them? You know
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: all these different things, but today, we want to know
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: that these things. So I think that it can be
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: very comfortable marrying someone within your own community, and for
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: many people those relationships last the longest. But sometimes the
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: way you grew up is kind of the opposite of
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: what you want your future to be, gotcha, And sometimes
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: the second time around, you want the opposite of what
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: you had, and so you go for the extreme opposite
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: in so many different ways, and you think the grass
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  Speaker 1: is greener, and sometimes it is and sometimes it's not right.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: What about age gaps? Like do you think that do
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  Speaker 3: you feel that? What do you think like for people
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  Speaker 3: who dated? Do you think like, like just say for me, like,
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  Speaker 3: do you think it's feasible for me to date somebody ten, fifteen,
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  Speaker 3: twenty years older than me?
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  Speaker 2: Or do you think that I thought you're gonna say
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  Speaker 2: younger than you?
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  Speaker 3: No, I'm not. I don't like. I'm not in not
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: that I don't like younger men. I think I find
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  Speaker 3: them attractive. But I have kids that are in their thirties,
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: and for me, I to me that I would feel
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  Speaker 3: like a pedophile if I dated somebody in my thirties.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, that's so that on the sheet I'm going to
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  Speaker 2: just show you. That's called a limiting belief over here.
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  Speaker 1: So you think that everyone like this is this certain way,
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  Speaker 1: and so that's in your mind right, Like the media
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  Speaker 1: tells us that if they're you know, older than twenty years,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: if they're twenty years old or twenty years younger, if
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: they're too old or too young those that's not true.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: So we should be judging every person individually. If they're
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: an old soul, but they happen to be forty five,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: that can be the best step person to your children.
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  Speaker 2: You just don't know.
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  Speaker 1: And so I always say, instead of saying no, start
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: saying yes and see what happens.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, So you think that would you do you find
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  Speaker 3: it being successful going with somebody older or younger?
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  Speaker 1: I mean I think that it depends. I think you
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: can be older, I think you can be younger. I
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: think that you have to have the same types of
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  Speaker 1: values and you have to have the same core beliefs
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  Speaker 1: for things to work. Sometimes you might think, I'm not
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  Speaker 1: going to date a guy ten years I don't want
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: to be his sugar mama.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: Everyone's asking you to.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: But sometimes you will vibe more with a younger person,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and sometimes it will be an older person. So the
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: idea is, instead of saying all these people are like this,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: start thinking in abundance instead of limiting our beliefs. And
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: so oftentimes we limit ourselves. We'll say, especially women, right,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Women will say the guy's got to check off every
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: single box. Right, have you ever said this before? Yes,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: twenty seven things on the list and if one of them.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Isn't there, forget about it. Right. Yeah.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: And then so if we're telling everyone to come to
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: the table with twenty seven options or things that are
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: ticked off, that means you also need to bring those
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: twenty seven things to relationships. So and I think oftentimes
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: we're asking so much of some someone else and we're
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: not bringing that same those same characteristics into the relationship.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: So instead of looking for, you know, twenty seven little items,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: find a great person, hire a matchmaker, Let them do
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: the work for you, Let them find out everything there
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: is to know about you and send you on amazing
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: dates and see where it goes.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: And you find that. Do you find that matchmakers have
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: a lot of success? I mean, or is it more?
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's more like for the up echelon.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's almost like arranged like yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: you know like that, you know, but also it does
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: happen in culturally. People kind of arrange. You always find
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: somebody maybe in the same you know, community, or in
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: the same like they somebody knows somebody and that's my
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: second cousin. I want you to meet them or whatever.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: It works.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I will say I was skeptical, right. I came
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: from the data app world, where you know, do it yourself.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: It's on demand.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Young people they don't want, you know, other people in
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: their love life. They want to kind of control it.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: They want to hide behind a curtain whatever it may be.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Matchmakers spend the time getting to know you. And I
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: think one of the reasons why dating apps do not
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: work so well is because they don't really count for
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: personality and the X factor. It doesn't really matter what
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: the lissa is. There's some kind of X factor. When
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: you meet a person, you're just drawn to them. You
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: can't explain what it is, you're just drawn to You
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: just get them, you feel them there. It's an energy thing. Well,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: that matchmaker is looking for the energy for you. And
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: so that's the reason why the success rate of matchmakers
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: is so much higher, and it's actually not only for
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: people who are wealthy. So at companies like Talkify, we
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: have a huge, amazing database and of course we've vet
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: all of our matches for our clients, but almost anyone
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: can join the database. So if you're a school teacher,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: you're in a great candidate. You may not be making
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: millions of dollars, but we definitely have people that want
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: a nurturer like a school teacher. Yeah, so you know,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: to all the people listening who are a single, go
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: to talkify dot com, register on the website and make
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: sure you're in the database. If our matchmaker finds it
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: a compatibility match, they will call you. It's a free date,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: nothing to lose.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: So this is free. Your app is free, so if
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: you have to sign up.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: So the clients that have private matchmakers and coaches, they
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: pay for the service, and then we have on the
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: other hand, we have candidates. It's basically our large network
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: and so we have a million singles from around the
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: country who are part of our network and the matchmaker
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: when they get a client, they'll get to know them
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: and then they'll try to find a match.
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: So let's just say, let's say I decided I want
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: to be a candidy, Well, would I have to go
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: through it to be a candidate?
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: You go to talkifight dot com and you complete a
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: questionnaire and then someone reaches out to you. They screen you,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: they get to know things about you, and then your
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: profile remains in our database. Then compatibility client comes along
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: and say, and the matchmaker is looking for the perfect
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: match for this amazing guy in New York City, wealthy
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: and handsome, and he's a lover, and he likes kids,
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: and he wants to travel, and he does not want
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: to stay at home petting cats and eating putting Okay,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: he wants to go out.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: He wants to live his life.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: And the matchmaker says, this woman, Jennifer really looks compatible.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: I mean I'm cross referencing. Let me give her a
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: phone call on video and see what she's about.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: The matchmaker will call up Jennifer on a video call,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: ask you fifteen questions, and then say, do I think
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Jennifer will be a good match.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: For my client?
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: What kind of questions? Do? They ask?
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: All kinds of questions? What are your core values in life?
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Talk about the kind of relationship that you're looking for.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: Do you want to have more children? What excites you
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: about life? Talk to me about you know, your sexual life,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: sex life, What do you like, what do you not like?
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: What kind of guy you're looking for? What is your
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: love language? If we don't know what your love languages,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: will figure it out, okay. But getting to the essence
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: of what makes you tick. And then if the matchmaker
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: feels like, okay, we really do think that there could
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: be a great compatibility match here, they will set you
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: up on a date.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: You have to just show up.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: Now, would do you do you feel that I mean,
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: do most people like with your with your app or
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: just do you find that you're that that most people
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: will find there? There you have a lot of success
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: with people finding them their mates with you.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Eighty percent success right, wow, So it's extremely high. And
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: the reason for it is we really take a great
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: deal of time getting a person ready to receive love.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I often think that you know, there's so many matchmakers,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: and we've seen these great matchmaking shows, and.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: You think most people settle.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: I think that most people, most matchmakers, if they're a
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: good matchmaker, they can get you on a good date.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I think that most Americans, most American singles haven't done
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: enough work on themselves. Okay, there's a lot of feelings
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: that need to be mended. There's a lot of feeling
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: of abandonment and resentment and why did this person do X, Y,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: and Z. There's a lot of healing that has to happen.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: And it may sound fluffy, but it's very true that
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: if you are not ready for love, it doesn't matter.
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: How great, it doesn't matter how it is, you're not going.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: To So the coach gets you ready for love, while
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: the matchmaker finds you the compatible matches. And then when
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: you're in a relationship, then we have couples coaching that
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: keeps the relationship fresh, exciting. You work on communication skills,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: active listening, and this is what helps relationship last long.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: So let's say somebody went through this horrible divorce. They
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: they had the worst, the worst situations, the worst things
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: that could have had happened to them during this divorce.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: And now you have this person who's kind of broken
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: and they want to find they want to find love again,
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: but you feel like they're so standoffish and they're just
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: not ready, like and to even jump into a relationship.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: How would you get this person ready? How would you
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: would you find how would you find somebody for this person,
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: and how would you get this person ready for the
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: next the next one in line.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: I think that's also very common.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of especially women who have been
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: married for so long, you know, may not know how
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: to date.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: They've never been on it. What is a dating apple?
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: You know, when I was your age, I just kind
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: of went to the restaurant or a friend of mine
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: and went to a.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Club, went to a bar to a friend introduced me
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: to somebody.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: And sometimes it's strange to be using a dating app
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: knowing that your children are also and are we going
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: to be dating the same people? I mean, it can
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: be a very various, strange situation. I think a lot of,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: you know, women who have been in long term relationships
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: have an anxiety about meeting someone sitting across the table
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: from someone they don't know in a dating in a
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: dating way. So to me, a lot of what I
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: would do is a lot of mock dates, getting you
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: ready to ask those questions, getting ready to you know,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: have conversations with a person that you don't know, that's
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: a total stranger to you. That is one of the
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: most difficult things to do. You want to find out
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: a lot about a person, but you don't want to
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: feel like you're interviewing the person, right, because a lot
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: of women women are more efficient daters than men. But
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: sometimes efficiency makes it feel like a job, and the
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: man gets to.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: Feel like You feel like you're on a job interview
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: because you're going down a checklist in your head what
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: you would need? Do you feel that?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: But instead of the checklist, what I Because you're right,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: a lot of women go into the day thinking, Okay,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I'm looking for these X, Y and Z Lindsey, and
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: they also have deal breakers. So if he does any
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: number of things, I'm not going to see it. He
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: said something, forget about it.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: I'm done.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I always say, instead of looking for the
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: red flags, find three redeeming qualities about it person for
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: your next date. Your goal is to find three things
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: you like about that person.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: If you there's a red flag, there's a red flag.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: If there's a red flag, I agree, But instead of
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: looking for red flags, look for redeeming qualities about a person.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: It's a mindset shift.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: Do you think, all right? So let's just say like
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: I look at this, look at it like this when
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: I when I not either for myself, well for myself too,
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: because but I haven't dated, like I haven't dated in
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: a long time. But when like my kids or my
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: friends like, oh my god, I dated this guy and
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: uh or I dated this girl in but they've never
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: been married and they never had they don't have any children,
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: they never had a long lasting relationship. Like I think
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: that's a red flag. If somebody is my age in
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: their fifties and they've never had a long last relationship,
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: they've never had children or never been married, I think
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: that's an issue there. I feel like that there are
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: people who don't want commitment, and that's a person that
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: you don't want to get involved with. Do you feel
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: the same way.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: That's limiting beliefs, that's limiting Yeah.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: I think that you're making a judgment call on someone else,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: and you're saying all men are like this, So if
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: they represent these characteristics, stay away.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: And while there could.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Be guys who they had never been married that they're
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: players that they don't like relationships, there could also be
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: men who have been scarred who maybe were adopted and
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: feel a sense of abandonment and never had love in
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: their life, but could be capable of having love, and
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: so instead of focusing on the relationship, they focus on work, right,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: and they're very successful, but they don't want to put
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: their emotions out there because they were broken as a child.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: And so we're judging people with what we think is
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: their story. We're writing their narrative when we have no idea.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: So I always say, just say, yes.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: What is the worst thing that's going to happen? You're
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: going to go on a date? That's okay.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: If you go through a matchmaker, the date's going to
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: be amazing regardless. Usually all of our dates are pretty good.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: It may not be a love match, but you'll meet
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: a great person. And so I think we need to
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: be open to that as well.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: And you think that, so let me let me ask
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: you a question. When the matchmaker is you're screening people,
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: do you look for that to say it? Like, I mean,
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: there's guys that all plays and there's girls that are
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: plays and that's it, you know, And they might go
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: on to say just to find somebody just because yes,
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: they're just looking for yes, something something, but not love
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: and that relationship. Do you do you weed those people out?
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: Do you?
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: I mean? And you find them immediately?
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: So we are not seeking arrangements. Okay, so that's a
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: different company, different set of rules. We are looking for
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: longer term compatibility. Now again, that could look different for
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: different people. Not everyone wants to get married. But if
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: your goal is a long term relationship with a great person,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: then you would come to Talkify and we'd figure out
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: that means for you. We would never ever send you
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: on a date with someone who doesn't feel the same
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: way you do in terms of the long term relationship
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: that they want. So casual encounters can be great, it's
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: not really what we do. We're doing long term relationships here.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Casual encounters apps are better at that than we are,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Like go to bumble, Yeah, and a lot of people
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: may want to do both, you know, they might want
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: to have some options on the side. Matchmaking is a process,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: it takes longer, you're more invested in it. But everyone
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: is guaranteed amazing dates, so versus you being on those apps,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: and if you've been on those apps, who knows what
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: you're going to get.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: I've never been on a dating app before.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: Love It don't go.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: Ever, I've just never been on a dating app before.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: Is that limiting me?
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Is a limiting no, Well, you can look through some
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: of these things here, so you know. Your mindset also
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: is obviously very important. If you think that you know
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: what the outcome is going to be before you even
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: go on a date, why go on a date? So
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: I think oftentimes singles we need to retrain ourselves. Right,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: we've been trained on dating apps. So you know, I've
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: had heard so many stories where women were saying, I
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: was on a date with the guy and there's a
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: mirror behind the booth and I saw the guy on
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Tinder while I was on a date with Y, So
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: what kind.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: Of person is this?
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: And so there's very little filtering. People on these apps
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: may say one thing about themselves and represent a whole
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: different person. And so if you don't want to waste
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: your time and energy and money and you want a
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: person vetted and background checked, you're going to prioritize love
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: and get a matchmaker and it could be free.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Right, why not do it?
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Do you have?
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: You? Would you do just? I mean you have everybody's
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: on your set, you you have every color of the rainbow. Yes,
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: I should say.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And I'm very proud of that because I'm
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: from the LGBTQ community. And so our company has over
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty matchmakers and dating experts. And why
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: that's so cool is because matchmaking is so personal. If
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: you are on a phone with someone and you're revealing
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: your deepest thoughts about love and romance and sex and
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: all these different things, it's very It's like speaking to
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: a doctor in a way, right, And so you have
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: to be comfortable with your matchmaker. And so we have
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: matchmakers that represent every age, every demographic, race, ethnicity, religion.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Because if you're not comfortable, if you do not open
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: up to us, it's going to make it's.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: Going to make it harder for you to find somebody
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: or match or give them.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: A good date, exactly exactly.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: And so I'm very proud of this because you know,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: our company has a matchmaker that represents everybody, which is
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: why our service is really for everybody.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: How do you become a matchmaker? How do you how do.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: You you send me an email?
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Buyers?
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: No, I mean so at our company, everyone's a certified
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: matchmaker or a certified date coach or both.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: So we have two tracks.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: If you are a coach, you're a coach at our company.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: If you're a matchmaker, you're a matchmaker. Every client gets both,
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: so you really have a team that's guiding you through,
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: you know, the love journey.
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: Well, how do you get to how do you know
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: if a person is going to be a good match maker.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: Or a coach that's above my pay grade?
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: So we have a person that runs operations that you know,
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of personality compatibility. There's empathy of course
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: that we need to be able to show. There's having
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: constructive conversations. Some people come into the process saying, you're
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: going to find me, I only want to be.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: With a prince.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: If they're not a celebrity or a prince or a billionaire,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: I don't care, you know. And while that's probably coming
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: from a limiting belief, why do you feel that way?
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Why do you feel like you only need to be
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: with someone that has a certain number of dollars in
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: their bank account, right.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: Or a certain stature or a certain stature.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: And so we start having these conversations. You have to
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: be open to having the conversations and digging a little deeper.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: And oftentimes we're pre judging someone and we should go open,
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: We should go into the process more open. So I'm
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: excited about it.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: I'm also super excited about The Golden Bachelor. I know,
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: are you watching the show?
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: What we just had? My last guest was on Bachelor,
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: was on The Bachelor Olivia, and I was just telling
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: her I said, I will I love. I think this
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: show is great. I haven't got to watch it yet,
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: but finally it's something for people in an old older
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: people because they are looking for love and they should
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: they should have something to representing them. I think they
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: should have middle for something for someone who's in their
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: middle age.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Well, let me tell you why this show is good
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: for heterosexual men, especially because.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: We have clients.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: A lot of men have an assumption that a woman
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: of a certain age is there's not a lot of
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: life left in her. And the perception that the media
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: shows of women at a certain age is, you know,
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: she's retired, she's boring, she's at home, and it's so
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: far from the truth. Women in their forties, fifties, sixties,
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: and seventies are starting businesses, they're doing amazing things. They
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: look better than ever, they're a vibrant, they have sex,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: they have a great sex life, they're traveling, they're amazing,
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: And I think the perception from many heterosexual men is
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: the opposite, and so only women who are in their
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: forties are younger, are still vibrant and still have you
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: know Jeois de Ville and I think that the show
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: really changes your mindset and realizes, Wow, a man who's
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: sixty five can date a sixty five year old vibrant women.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: And they're they're gonna be They're gonna be vibrant. There
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: they're not. It's not the end of the game. You know,
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: they're still you know, it's it's said because that's what
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: happens with women. A lot of men think that once
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: you hit a certain age that you're just out of.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: The game, which is why I love when women of
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: a certain age date younger, because you know what, men
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: have been doing it for eternity, and it's about time
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: that women can date men who are ten years younger.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: If it's compatible, it's compatible. Women are successful, women are
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: having kids later on in life.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Why shouldn't a woman who's fifty at a guy who's forty.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: I think if a guy can do it, a woman
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: should be able to do it too.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: I don't have a problem with I don't think I
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: would have a problem dating with somebody who's like five
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: or ten years told me, I woul don't think I
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: could date somebody that much, just because I just feel
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: like I'm just not speaking the same language as they.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: Are, right, and also your kids may be judging you
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: a little bit.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: I just would feel little it would be a little
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: weird for me to do that. I agree, you know,
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: but five ten years, you know, maybe they'd have to
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: be you know, they have to be able to you know,
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: understand me. I mean obviously, but it's I mean, it
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: is hard. I was just talking to the last guest
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: about it. They don't you know, if you're dating somebody
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: ten twenties younger, you're talking to about a movie that
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: I watched in nineteen eighty, They're like, what movie is that?
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? References?
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right, I mean I said a reference the other
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: day to something in front of my daughter and she
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: was like, why what are you talking about? I'm like, see,
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: you just don't get it if you're not my generation.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: But then there's the forty year old movie buff really
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: is an old soul, and that's the kind of guy
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: that you would.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: Get and they would appreciate.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love that, you know, that I
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: love that.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I feel like and that guy will want
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: to be with a woman who is going to in
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: a way like enlighten him about life.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, in that way.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: And again, let's instead of limiting who we think we
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: should date, let's start exploring different ages and religions and
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: ethnicities and see how that goes.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: Again, you don't know what you don't know.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: That's true. That is very true. I'm I'm I would
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: be open to like And I'm not just saying I'm
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: not saying now. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: looking for right now. I don't want my the person
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: that I went to think I'm going to look for
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: anybody right now. But I would be open to date
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: any you know, race, religion. I have no issue with that.
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: Like to me, I always like to meet new people
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: and and and and and you know, get you know,
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: different different views of life and different experiences. I don't
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: think I think like you said, it is limiting to
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: just date a certain type of person like I was always.
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: I think because I was always relegated to where I
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: was living. When I was married. I was in the
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: same neighborhood with the same women, the same people. And
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: then when I got older and I started my business
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: and my my horizon expanded, I now it's like, wow,
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: do I really want to stay with that same type
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: of guy that I've always been with all these years?
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: And you know, now do I want something different?
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: You know? And attraction changes?
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it does.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: It's not I mean not the the ability.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: It is still comfortable.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, however, but you know what, it's not old that.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: You are anymore, because you change exactly.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: And you evolve as a human.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: And also, you know, we're so heavily influenced by the media,
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: so oftentimes the way that we grew up influences the
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: way that we've looked at relationships, so sometimes that we
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: inherit the bad and the good. Usually we're comfortable dating
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: within our community because that's.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: What we know the media.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: When I was growing up, the iconic thing to be
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: was Abercombie, and so that was like the the best
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: looking girls and the best looking guys are were Caucasian,
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: blue eyed, surf for bodies, and that was what was attractive.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: And it's so illuminating and refreshing today that the idea
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: of what beauty is has evolved so much. For races,
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: for religions, for ages even and body types. And so
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: we're starting to see attraction in all different types of people,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: which I think is great for the world.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: Oh no, it is definitely. I mean, it's just it's
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: like you said, it's limiting when you're just looking in
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: one pool. It's like there's this little pond, this little puddle,
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: when there's a whole big, vast oltion out there, exactly
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: go in. You know, the same guppies are in that place.
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: You know, this is just this little spot. So I
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: I you know, I would be open to date anybody
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: that would inspire me and anybody who's going to make
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: me laugh. Those are the two biggest things that I
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: would that I look for in a person. I wanted
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: to make me laugh, and they have to ins I
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: need to get you, you know, I need to.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: Figure out what your love languages. I have to think
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: of send you a quize after that language, because I have.
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: No idea, because you know, and I still don't know.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: When you figure out your love languages, you can tell
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: your partner what your love languages and then maybe he
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: can do certain things that make you, that turn you on,
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: that excites you. But if you don't even know those things,
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: and that's not great. And also it would be good
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: to know his love language is the thing that really
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: turns him on about the things that you could be doing.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: And so again, knowing as much about yourself in a
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: relationship as.
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: Better and about your partner and about your partner you
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: need that, don't you find that today? Too? A lot
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: of people are so not I don't want I don't
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: want to be so mean and say self absorbed, but
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: I'm want to say self absorbed. They don't really listen
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: to what they're all the half because there's so much
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: other stuff going on. Yeah.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: I think also a lot of people project, right, did
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: they watch a TV show and they see something a
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: TV show that they want in their relationship but they
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: don't want in their relationship. Look, I think that it's
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: we you know, we live in a reality show world,
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: it feels like, and so it's true. It's good sometimes
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: for entertainment, but bad on relationships. We see so many
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: TV shows of hot abs on a beach, Right, how many.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: More shows of can we watch?
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: Of this?
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Let's start educating Americans in the world to healthy, successful
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: relationships because we want to get back to that we
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: want relationships to be great for our children. We should
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: be emulating great relationships. They should be emulating what their
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: parents are doing.
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: Do you believe in Do you believe in marriage and
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: the marriage and my family?
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: It's important.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: I do. I think it's important.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: I think on any society it's very important.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: I think that I also am open to people saying,
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: you know, maybe marriage isn't for them, but they want
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: a life partner, or you know, they want a different
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: type of relationship. I think now we're able to have
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: those conversations. I think as long as we're honest about
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: who we are, what we want, we can find compatibility.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: It's when we're not honest about that that we're going
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: to either attract the wrong person or maybe offend the
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: wrong person.
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: Do you find that people now today because there is
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: so much input with like, look, look, i'm speaking for
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: women now. When we're as a woman, when you're you
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: don't have to have your whole life mapped out for
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: you for at a certain age. Right, So you have
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: to go to school, you have to go to college,
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: you have to find a meet, you have to get married,
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: you have to have a family. So a women's women's
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: time frame is so much less. And I'm just talking
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: about hoterosexual woman now and also a gay woman too.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: They have to do the same thing and they have
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: to be to do this and then their partner. I
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: feel like for men, it's so much, so much. They
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: have a longer period of time before they have.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: To grow up. So it's so much, so much on
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: us for sure, you know.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: And I feel like that now because of so much feminism.
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: It's like, oh, you know, you don't need a man.
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: You need a man like a fish needs. No, I
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: don't believe in that. I think that as a woman,
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: if you are, like as a heterosexual woman, if I
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: didn't have my children, I wouldn't have I would feel
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: like my life would have meant nothing, even though listen,
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: I have my business, I have a career. I'm doing
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: this at the end of the day when I'm eighty
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: and if I sat there by myself and I wouldn't
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: have this microphone anymore, what.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: Do I have?
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: I have my children, I had that I had what
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: I had that fulfillment in my life. Yes, so I
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: think that maybe we have to bring back to more
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: of the of a unit. It doesn't necessary. I have
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: to mean you have to be married and have children,
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: but a unit spitting with two people who love each
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: other and people who have family units, because that is
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: that is the basis of society. I think. I think
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: that it does. A society will thrive in those conditions,
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: and it will it makes for better I think, better people,
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: better children, better people, you know, more virtuous people who
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: are growing up or whatever. I don't know. That's my
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: opinion that in that well.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: Look, I think that everyone has a different opinion on
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: like what is compatibility, what does the household look like?
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: What does a family unit look like?
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: I would also say to women who maybe you want
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: to have kids but haven't found the right person yet,
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: if you can do it.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: On your own, do it on your own.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: If this is something that's important to you, you should
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: do it because the right man will love the fact
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: that you have a child because you are an automatic
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: family for him. So again, don't hold back and wait
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: for a guy. If you feel like this is right
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: for you to do, to start your family on your own.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: A lot of women are doing it, you know, the
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: gay community is also doing it. And I think whatever,
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I love and I think that's great. Yeah, whatever makes
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: sense for you, I think, do I don't like to
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: wait for other people or wait another year or see
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: what happens. You need to make decisions that are best
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: for you and your current family situation and financial situation.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: And for some people it's marriage and kids, and for
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: some that's not. Some it's a single single parent. But
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: the family unit's changing, and they think we also need
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: to embrace change. And you know these concepts of the
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: chosen family. You know, you move to another city, you
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: don't know anyone, your friends become your family, you know,
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: in many ways. So I think the family unit is changing,
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: dating and relationships are changing. I'm here for it for
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: the change. I think that we just need to have
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: a lot of love and support of one another and
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: less judgment.
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: Do you are you going to have children?
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: I hope so.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: You want to have kids?
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: I do. That's so beautiful.
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: I love that and your partner too.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: Yes, I hope so, because otherwise it is going to
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: be raising kids on our own. No, we we both
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: do want to have children.
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, it is better for the children to have
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: two parents. It is. I mean, it's it's better I
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: think for for if you have a child it's good
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: to have two parents in the household because it's it's
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: just easy. It's easy for you because if well, if
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: two people are there, you have one or the other
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: you know, and you have both input. And today it
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: is hard because two people have to work, which is
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: hard because it is so expensive. But if you have
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: the luxury of somebody being home to help with you know,
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: to be with the kids, it's very important. Whether it's
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: a straight or gay marriage, I think it's very important.
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: I think that's that's my opinion. I think that it's
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: very important.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: I think also love is important well, because the other
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: thing is you can have two parents with no la
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: love or you have a family that helps.
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: You know, it takes a village.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: You need to the million things that women need to
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: do in a day and also you know, be the
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: main caretaker for the child. I think that we just
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: need to have families need to come together, friends have
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: to come together.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: It takes a village.
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: It does.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: And I'm saying this I'm not even a father, but
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: I think that it does.
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: And it's good to have multi generational you know, to input.
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: And somebody said to me one time, it says, the
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: best thing that you could do for your children is
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: love your wife, love your husband. Yes, and it's very true.
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: If you show love like you said in the household,
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: it's going to make a more happy, ammonious household and
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: the kids are going to thrive. Yes, and that's so true.
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: And learn how to fight successfully.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: I have to I have to give you one tip
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: because you know we're talking about dating relationships. Okay, So
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: for all the people who are listening, and also for
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: you when you're in a relationship. You know, sometimes we
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: get so invested in the fight that we want to
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: win the fight and we will say whatever one needs
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: to be said, and sometimes it's negative when we couple
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: of the belt. At the end of the day, you
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship with this person, You've
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: got to learn how to argue successfully, to ask. So
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: the way that a couple should argue is with a
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: love stone. I don't have a stone, but basically every
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: couple puts a stone in their pocket.
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: You can.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: You cannot throw it at them, and it stays in
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: your pocket. And when you're arguing, and when it's going
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: in a direction that's very left, meaning you're hitting below
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: the belt, you're fitting the other person. You take the stone,
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: you put it on the table, and it silences the
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: conversation and you start to reflect on what is the
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: most important thing here? Are you trying to win the
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: argument or do you want this to work? And so
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: it's sort of it's sort of like a safe for it.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: It resets the conversation. It's called a love stone. And
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: I recommend all couples carry a stone in their pocket
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: because sometimes we don't realize what we're saying and we're
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: getting in the weeds and we've got to win, we've
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: got to prove our points, and we have all these receipts.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: What matters is love and respect, and if you don't
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: have those things, and sometimes you get away with you know,
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: you know, on a train of thought, you've got to say,
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: I love this person, I want to be with this person.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: Love stone and the conversation.
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: I would think I would carry a love show, but
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: since we're such crazy Sicilians, that might be hit somebody
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: in that. But I'll definitely maybe I'll get a love.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: Cotton ball, something something anything, whatever works for you, whatever
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: works for you.
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: And thank you so much for coming on the show.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: You gave me some great you know, great input, and
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: I think your I think your app is amazing. I
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: definitely wanted to investigate more and I definitely want you
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: to tell people where they could find it and where
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: it lives. And I really appreciate you being here. Yeah, wonderful.
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: Please let everybody.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: So Talkify is right now. It's a website which is
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: a matchmaking service. You go to talkify dot com and
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: register or become a client. Check us out on Instagram
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: Talkify or you can follow me Adam as Latt on Instagram.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: My Instagram is actually quite fun. I was listening to
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: your other guests is fun. So follow me up is
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: a fun one. A lot of fun celebrity interviews that
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: we do all the time. And we will be having
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: an app that comes out early twenty twenty four which
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: allows matchmaking to be for anyone who prioritizes love.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: So I'm excited about that.
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: I love it. And when I'm ready to start using
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: your app, I'm going I'll become a cannedy. I'll with
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: Kennedy yes, okay, and I'll get my love cotton I
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: love Okay. Guys, thank you so much for tuning in today,
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: and thank you Adam again for being here Please watch
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: us YouTube, Apple, and Spotify, and not just the shorts,
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: the whole video. Okay, keep all.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: Of us, watch all of it, not just I like
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: the shorts, but watch the whole day.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: Thank you everyone, have a great day.