Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Everything That Glitters (Is Not Gold) with Gerry Turner Part 1

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Everything That Glitters (Is Not Gold) with Gerry Turner Part 1 · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hello, everyone, welcome to the Almost in his podcast. It's
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Ashley and Ben and today we are talking to the
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: original Golden Bachelor, Gary Turner. He has a new book,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: The Golden Years What I've Learned from Love, Loss and
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Reality TV. Ben got a little shout out in his
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: book where so I had talked to him about that.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: His dancing skills are praise. Gary also just got engaged,
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: so we're gonna check in on that, get the latest
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: on his health. Everyone welcome Gary Turner to the podcast.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Good morning, how are you?
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Good morning? We are good. So we've got we've heard
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: that you are not at your home in Indiana. You're
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: in somebody else's home. Is that Lana's home, your new.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Fiance Bela's home? Yes, indeed.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, Well, congratulations on your engagement.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Thanks. Yeah, thanks, It's been wonderful.
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: Gary really smiling. Is this just like for camera or
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: is this just like a life thing for you?
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Now?
• 1:05
  Speaker 5: Is where you're just walking around with the big old glow?
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: Ben, I'm a pretty happy guy. You know. I found
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: someone that has constant positive energy. Landa never stopped smiling.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: I have to up my game a little bit.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: How did you guys meet?
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Actually it was online. I fumbled through some friend requests
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: when I had a bunch of them, and I hit
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: a friend request from her, and then on her end,
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: she saw it and responded and I didn't answer to it,
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: and finally we got to the point where we hooked up,
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: had a brief online conversation, decided to meet.
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: Now there is a lot to catch up with you on.
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: Obviously you've been busy. We're going to talk about the book.
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: We're going to talk about this new recent engagement Gary,
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: before we kind of dig into the details and asks
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: more direct questions everything. This last year, if you look
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: at the timeline, has been a whirlwind for you. If
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: I mean, I would I don't know your life before
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: the show, but I would imagine this has been one
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: of the most active years just in terms of romance
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: and projects that you've ever had, Right, I mean kind
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: of starting, you're about a year away from the divorce
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: and then now you are engaged. Can you just to
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: kind of set the scene here, tell us about this
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: last year, give us an insight into everything that's been
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: going on.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Sure, I'll do the best I can, because that is
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: a mouthful, But you know, I've kind of tried to
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: take it one day at a time. I really would
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: say that the watershed moment was in March when I
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: met Atlanta. Up until that point, it was grunt work,
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: just trying to get by, trying to decide what I
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: wanted to do moving forward, whether or not I wanted
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: to sell the lake House and all of that. And
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: then you know, once I'm Atlanta, gears really changed. We
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: traveled extensively. I think the biggest plus has been that
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: I really committed to saying no to nothing. You know,
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: wherever we want to travel to. We've been to London,
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: We've been to Paris, We've been to Myrtle Beach, We've
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: been to Niagara Falls a number of other places, and
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: so I'm not going to say no. I don't know
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: how long I'm going to be on this earth, and
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: I'm going to make use of every single day and
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: have a good time with every single day. So then
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: you know, the whole procedure with the book comes along,
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: and that was an added layer of distraction. Almost where
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I'd written it, felt good about writing it, but then
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: it kind of went for a while. ABC had to
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: approve everything in the book, and that took an extended
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: period of time, and so once I got it back,
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: you know, then everything started happening pretty quickly. And so
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: with that said, you know, that pretty much leads us
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: up to, you know, where we're at now. I decided
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: Atlanta was the absolutely right person for me, and you know,
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: asked her to marry me on the recent trip to
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Myrtle Beach. She happily accepted.
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: I think we.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: Both knew we were the person for each other long
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: before that, long before that, but that kind of made
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: it official. I kind of wanted to make that statement.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: You went from one very quick engagement to another's pretty
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: quick engagement six months. Why did you decide to do
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: it so fast the second time?
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  Speaker 3: Well, you know, I'm not sure it was. It's a
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: good comparison because on the show, the amount of time
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: time that I got to spend with any of the
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: women was really quite brief. You know, you guys have
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: been through it, so you know, the amount of time
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: where you're actually with someone and trying to get to
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: know someone is really condensed. Whereas with Lana, you know,
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: after about the first two or three weekends where we
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: spent weekends together. We went from two days together to
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: three to four, and then all of a sudden it
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: was like, Okay, we were really feeling lonely and those
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: three or four mid days that we weren't together, and
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: it just rapidly built. So we have spent a bunch
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: of time together, and so the comparison is really a disconnect.
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: Obviously.
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: This year also you came out publicly and told the
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: world that you had a cancer diagnosis. It is slow growing.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: From what we understand and what we can kind of
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: read and what you've been able to talk about. Has
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: that played it all into kind of this next chapter.
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: How often do you think about it, just you know,
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: kind of talk to us about your journey with cancer
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: so far.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the my condition hasn't changed, but mentally it has
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: reinforced or really pushed that feeling of not wanting to
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: waste a moment, you know. Just a small side story.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: The very first night, the very first date with Lana.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: She came well prepared. But one of the things that
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: most impressed me is about halfway through the entree, I said, Lana,
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: you know I have something I have to share with you.
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: I go I don't want to, you know, start off
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: and then have to tell you this story a month
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: from now after we've started investing in each other. And
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: I told her I had this cancer and I spelled
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: it out. Man, she is right off the bat, She goes, Gary,
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: I know about it. I've read about it. I'm okay
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: with it. We'll get through it together if that's the
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: way it works. It was like, oh my god, my
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: heart was bursting with joy and happiness when she said that,
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: because she came prepared in a way that I don't
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: think anyone else would.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: That's kind of one of the perks of being a
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: public figure going into dating. I found it to be
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: comforting knowing that the whole Internet could tell you about
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: my virginity dating after the Bachelor. It was like something
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: that I didn't have to really bring up. If you
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: googled me, you saw it. And I think that you
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: probably googled me before going on a date with me,
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: did you kind of like the fact that Lenna knew
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: a bit about you and you didn't have to explain
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: some hard things before getting on the date with her,
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: like maybe, hey, I got married and divorced within two months.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: She just kind of knew was that she was okay.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: She accepted that because she accepted a date with you.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: I don't know that she was okay with it instantly.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: You know, she told me she watched the entire season.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: She always felt like she'd be a better match for
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: me than any of the women on the show. She
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: was very optimistic, so she came well informed and understood.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: I think the difficult moments for her was when I
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: gave her the manuscript to the book, and again, I
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: wanted to be transparent. I wanted to make sure she
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: didn't have any surprises, so early on in the relationship,
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: I gave her the transcript, and you know there was
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: a couple of days of pause in there, when you know,
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  Speaker 3: she came back and she said, Gary, I had to
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: do a little processing there. I had to make sure
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  Speaker 3: that I could comfortably accept everything I was reading in
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: that book. And you know she did. She was happy
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  Speaker 3: with it, comfortable with it, and we've moved on without
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: any consequence to that.
• 9:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: And I think that's an interesting thing, Gary, because you know,
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: I wrote a book alone in Plain Sight a few
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: years ago now and just re released it. And you know,
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: I don't talk too much about the show in it,
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: there's some small snippets about my life and how that
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: impacted me. I was personally. I remember when I presented
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: it to Jessica for the first time. I was I
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: was nervous and cautious. And I also wrote the book
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: with an intention of at that time knowing I was
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: going to marry Jessica, So I was very nervous about you,
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  Speaker 4: kind of cautious of what I was putting in there
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  Speaker 4: and what I wasn't. So when she comes to you
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: and says, hey, there's things I'm processing, how do you
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: personally walk through that with her? Were you willing to
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: change the book for her?
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: Was that difficult? There was?
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: There wasn't any changes. What happened was Lenna displayed a
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: very good ability to be a good communicator. She's a
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: good proactive communicator. She would ask good questions. You know,
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: I could read her face and see that she was
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: processing an answer and maybe looking for a follow up question.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: But you know, I give her the credit here. She
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: has accepted my history and I've done the same with her.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: So we kind of understand that by the time you
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: get to our age, no one doesn't have a history.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: You have to be willing to accept it, and I
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: think we both are very comfortable with that.
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: When I also wrote Alone in Plain Sight, a mentor
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: of mine said, write this book not because you want to,
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: but because you have to. Was there ever a moment
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: for you, Gary where you thought, Hey, with land in
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: my life, with all these things kind of happening, this
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: book just should stay in a manuscript on my shelf.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: Or I guess another way to ask it is why
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  Speaker 4: did you have to write this book?
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good question, and and you know, I've
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: thought about that a lot. I think the best answer
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: is to say that through the show, America didn't see
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: the entire Gary Turner. They didn't see everything about me
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: that I wanted people to know. They saw what other
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: people wanted to present. And you know, I have character
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: and I have morals and values that maybe weren't at
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: the forefront of the show. And now I feel like
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: I've done a good job with that. I think the
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: other part of it is I wanted everyone to know
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: how oneful it is to have a support system that
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I have, my daughters and my friends. I really don't
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: think I would be in the place I am right
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: now had it not been for those friends back in Kendallville,
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: Indiana that I developed a couple of years ago, and
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: my daughters. I don't think i'd be here Gary.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: From my perspective, I felt like you came across so
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: well on the show. I think that when you know
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: the cover of US Weekly this week or last week
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: said they made me out to be the villain.
• 12:32
  Speaker 6: I felt like.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: More of those storylines where you could have possibly been
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: interpreted as the villain sort of came after the show.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: So was it what happened on the show or what
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: happened in the aftermath of the show that you felt
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: like you needed to clarify more.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's a good question, and I would say, really,
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: it's more what happened in the aftermath of the show.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: You know, things didn't really go the way I thought
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: they should have, and you know, I wanted to set
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: the record straight.
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: The aftermath of the show is hard. You really don't
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: have control or you really can't speak to the narratives
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: that are being put that out there about you. This
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: this book is an opportunity to do that. But you've
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: also real like stayed recently quiet since the show. You
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: haven't gone on much of a media tour. You haven't
• 13:26
  Speaker 4: spoken publicly about maybe some of the comments shared about
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: you from past contestants or your you know.
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: Ex wife. Why have you stayed quiet until now?
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: So that's a really good observation, Ben, It's really a
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: simple matter of desire. I feel like I had my moment,
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: you know, that brief snippet of celebrity. I enjoyed it.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: But I think I'm realistic in thinking that it's time
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: to go back to a normal life. It's time to
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: try and find normalcy. It's also time to value every
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: minute I have. You know, for instance, to me, this
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: week is a work week. I haven't had a work
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: week in years. But you know, we have podcasts and
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: we have interviews, and we have all this stuff planned.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: I would really rather be riding a bike with Lana,
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: or going to play pickleball, or you know, my daughter
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: is now twenty minutes away from where I am, and
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: she's starting to play golf, which is hilarious, and I'd
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: really rather go and play golf with her. But I'm
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: having a work week because it's a value to the book.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: But I don't want a lot of work weeks. I
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: love being retired and I still want to be retired.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: But you still feel like you need to get it
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: off your chest through writing the book.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, yes, okay, we.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Have to get into the t of the book because
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: we got advanced copy. There is something in there that
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: says that you felt trapped the day before your wedding day,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: and that you even confided in your top three woman, Faith,
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: saying that you do feel trapped going into this, and
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: she said, you don't have to do this, you can
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: get out of it. Please take us back to that
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: moment in that day.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: So I do remember pretty clearly. Faith is someone that
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: I still have a strong level of affection for. She's
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: like a sister figure, best friend kind of person, and
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: I trusted being able to talk to her. And so
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: that night in the bar, you know, we got off
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: into this side conversation and I expressed that I was
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: having cold feet, that I wasn't sure things were right,
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: and I did indeed feel like I was at a
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: situation where there were no good choices for me at
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: that moment. And so you know, she talked me through it.
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: She kept telling me I didn't have to, but I
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: felt like I did. You know, you don't spend forty
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: three years being committed to one person and learning that
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: commitment sometimes is difficult to turn your back on that.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: And so I was at a point where I had
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: committed to something. My family knew I had committed to it.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Teresa's family knew that she and I both had committed
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: to it, and there was only one path forward. That
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: didn't mean that I wasn't uncomfortable with it, unsure and
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: so forth. But you know that's the way it.
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: Is, Okay. I want to sit on that for a second.
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: I think mostly not just for your scenario, but for
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: anybody in your season of life looking for their lifetime partner,
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: forever partner. The way I'm hearing that, Gary and I
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: think it's just interesting and something I could probably learn
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: from us. You went through life for forty three years
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: of partner, you go on this show, you find yourself
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: in a position to find somebody again. I don't want
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: to put words in your mouth, but the way I'm
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: hearing that is you almost said, Hey, I committed to this,
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: so I'm going to go through with it instead of
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: the maybe how it would have been like you know,
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: in my when I was thirty and I got engaged,
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: where I said Hey, i'm dating. I want to find
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: the partner for me. If this one doesn't work out,
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: I'm hoping I can date again. I don't feel any pressure.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounded like a job the way you were
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: at it, unless of romance.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Well, let me let me clarify a little bit. And
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: I think this might help one of the fundamental mistakes
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: mentally that I made going on that show. And maybe
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: it wasn't a mistake, but I went into that show
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: one hundred percent believing that I would find my partner.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: It never was an option that I would come out
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: of that show alone, and with that mentality as I
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: marched for through all those progressions of things that happened,
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: it was always the underlying belief that I was there
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: and that my partner was there. And you know, so
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: that kind of adds to the feeling of entrapment in
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: one way, but it was it was self generated. I
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: should have been open to the possibility that no one
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: was my perfect match there.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: You should have called past bachelor's and asked, Hey, how
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: do I do this?
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: What is the mindset here?
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: You are so right.
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: It was helpful for me because I do think that
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: in traffmic can happen if you feel like, oh my goodness,
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: I'm going to let myself, my family and the world
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: that's watching down if I don't end up in a
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: love story after this, Gary, I have to ask. Though
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: you know Joan was obviously a part of your seasons.
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: She becomes the next Golden Bachelorette, she leaves because of
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: a family emergency midway through the season. I don't I
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: don't know how you feel about this, but I'll just
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: ask it. If she would have been around, do you
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: think that would have been a better choice for you?
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: Different choice?
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: You know, how will we ever know? Really? I can't
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: say yes or I can't say no, because you know,
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: I know Joan. I know how well she handles things,
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: how level headed she is, wonderful, merit and characteristic she
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: brings to any relationship, it's going to be awesome, but
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: better or worse, it's hypothetical. I can't answer it.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: You talking about some juicy stuff when it comes to
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: your relationship with the reason while you were married, you
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: talk about how she'd like schedule phone calls and it
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: was like hard to get in touch with your wife,
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: and then you talk about how she had do you
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: sleep on the couch when you would make visits. Can
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: you tell us these stories?
• 20:01
  Speaker 6: Well, it's in the book, I know, I know, but
• 20:04
  Speaker 6: just give us a little context, like why are you
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: sleaving on the couch. Why would she schedule you know,
• 20:10
  Speaker 6: talking times, Yeah, conjugal visits.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well so there was there was really there was
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: only one visit that I made to her house. It
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: was like pulling teeth. And you know, this is like
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: a month and a half later, if I remember correctly,
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: after the marriage. Then I finally said, hey, you know,
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: we're married. We need to be together. We need to
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: begin the process of getting to know each other better
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: and to bond and so forth. And you know, my
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: level of excitement was really quite hot. I put my
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: best friend dog Cody, in the car and we took
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: off to New Jersey. And when I got there, we
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: had dinner and nice conversation. I fully expected that indeed,
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: we would, you know, have those quiet bedtime pillow talk moments,
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: and that things would really flourish from that point. And
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: you know, I remember the very first night, she goes, hey,
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: I have a really tough day at work tomorrow. Do
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: you mind if you sleep on the sofa?
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: That's wild you know.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: So I was trying to be agreeable. Seriously, I you know,
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: we hadn't been together enough. I'm married to this person.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: I don't want to create a battlefield over that, and
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: so I agreed. The problem was when it happened the
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: second night and the next night and the next night.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: That's when I really should have manned up and said, hey,
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: what's going on here? Probably the second night, not the
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: third or the fourth, but the second night, and I
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: didn't quite Honestly, I don't know why. I don't know why,
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: whether whether I was trying to be agreeable or whether
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: I didn't care enough, I don't know.
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: You don't talk about this in the book. I just
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: gary want to know.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: I mean, Jessica and I have had like some of
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: our worst arguments right before bed. Still, you know, not
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: that going to bed together is not an optic, like
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: we're going to lay in the same bed even if
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: like we're fuming, because at some point, you know, obviously
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: we're going to roll over and be like, I love
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: you and I love you too. Let's talk about this tomorrow.
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: But I want to know what was going through your mind.
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: Let's say night two or three, when you're asked to
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: sleep on the couch. You're laying on a couch looking
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: at the ceiling, probably not able to stretch out all
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: the way because you're not a short man.
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: What was just going through your head?
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: Quite honestly, I think back, and I do remember thinking, Okay,
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: this kind of confirms my suspicions that I had always
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: suspected that maybe the genuine bond wasn't there, and those
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: actions manifested what I believed were the feelings, and it
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: was quite empty, and it was that feeling all night too.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: That kind of allowed me to just let it go
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: for the additional nights, because I don't think you can
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: change someone's heart. If it's not there, it's not there.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: And you know then, I'm really entertained by how you
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: asked that question. It warmed my heart, quite honestly, because
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: at the same time I'm listening to you, I'm thinking
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: about Lana, and I'm thinking how different it is when
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: she and I have had some skirmishes and yeah, we
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: know one hundred percent we're going to land in bed
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: at the same time, we're gonna snuggle and we're going
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: to say, We're still going to say the I Love
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: you is even if there's still a niggling of discontent
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: there that that happens, and it's such a contrast.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it feels like you guys got yourselves into like
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: a very uncomfortable, awkward relationship. I feel bad for both
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: of you because we've interviewed Teresa before and just listening
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: to you and her, it just feels like both of
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: you ended up getting married and you're like, oh, man,
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: like there's a lack of intimacy here, is this correct?
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. I mean, I've been
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: a part of the show, Gary, you know that.
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: Yep.
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: I've been in a relationship from the show that definitely
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: didn't feel great all the time. It didn't It wasn't
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: good obviously, like being with Jessica today. It's even hard
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: for me to compare because it feels like dirty and weird.
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: But you know, it's just completely different. The level of
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: intimacy and relationship and connection and comfort and all those
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: things are different. I think that's just because we're a
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: better match, and obviously Lauren's a better match with her husband.
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: It worked out great in the end, but I have
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: a hard time, I guess, understanding how you end up
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: with somebody from the show you get you say yes
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: to a marriage, because Laura and I were asked to
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: get married on television and we said no to it.
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: Because of the things you're talking about, like how did
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: you get that far? And then once you did get
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: that far, how was there just such a disconnect?
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, gee, I really wish I had a good answer
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: to that one. But Ben, I don't know that I do.
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: I just know that I'm getting carried away. And the
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: excitement of the circumstance and the show and everything, you know,
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: kind of created its own flow, and you know, the
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: velocity of that show, it just became greater and great
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: to the point where we were swept away, and and
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: really I wish I had a better reflection on it,
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: but I can't say. I don't know.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you truly just like got swept away. I remember
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: before your wedding, I was like I was on here
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: all the time, being like.
• 26:18
  Speaker 6: These people have known each other for two months.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: This is different than other bachelor weddings because other bachelor weddings,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: you know, like in Ben's case, it would have been
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: over a year of them having a real life relationship.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: If it would have happened with Jaden Tanner and that
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: that was the quickest one there was in there, and
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: they were together for six months in the real world.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: With you guys, it was like eight weeks max in
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: the real world, maybe not even because your finale was
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: right around Thanksgiving, so that's when you were able to
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: be public, like just the month of December, and uh yeah,
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: so you guys, really you were on a true whirlwind
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: anyway when it comes to the breakup, but it's a
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: little convoluted in the public and through both of your stories,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: we have the we didn't figure out where we wanted
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: to move, we couldn't agree on that. And then there
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: was the rumor that she was weird about your cancer diagnosis.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Can you straighten this out for us for the final time?
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: Well, I to address the second part of that. I
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: don't think she was weird about it. I don't know
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: what kind of label to put on it, but I
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: think by the time I had told her about it,
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: there was enough distance between us that she didn't care much.
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: So I told her about the diagnosis. And then really
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: what bothered me tremendously over you know, quite a bit
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: of a time was I never heard back from her
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: to check in, you know, by comparison Leslie, who you know,
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: she and I left on terms that were much less happy.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: Leslie would check in, Hey, Gary, how you feeling, how's
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: it going? And so it was. It was I felt
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: very bad that I never heard from Teresa checking in
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: on my health. So that probably is, you know, the
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: biggest part of it.
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: You know, there's Saint Johnathan cross As this comment that
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: always popped up in my life when I think about
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: these moments, the dark knights of the soul, Gary, I mean, goodness,
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: I know there's two sides to every story, and then
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: there's the truth that sits in between, but it does
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: feel like there are probably moments I'm assuming that you
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: were your heart felt pretty ripped apart, especially with a
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: cancer diagnosis. You know, I would say my worst enemy.
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: I can't think of who that would be right now,
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: but if I had one called me and said, hey,
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: I have cancer, I would imagine or hope that that
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: would be a trigger inside of me to follow up,
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: check in, to show care. So just to confirm, to
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: make sense of this, you and Teresa had filed for
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: divorce already when you let her know about your cancer.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: Correct, I believe so oh, I would have to check dates.
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: So it was close, like it was reasonably close.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, the conversation of at least being split up
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: was happening. Yes okay, but that wasn't the reason for
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: you guys splitting up. The reason was not also not
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: a living situation, was it. It was just a full
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: blown incompatibility.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, so yeah, let's put some clarity to that.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: A cancer diagnosis I do not believe was a contributing
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: factor to to our splitting up. I also do not
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: believe that the place where we were going to live
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: was a contributing factor. Perhaps the attitude towards that search was,
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: but not that actual element itself. I mean, plain and simple.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: You know, I'll speak only for myself. We found that
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: we were not compatible, and I think the biggest area
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: of incompatibility was when on the show The Final Dinner
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: with Teresa, when she told me that she would leave
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: her job when she found the right guy, only to
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: have her tell me a short time later that she
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: wanted to work another year. And as I've shown, I
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: really want to travel, I want to see the world,
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: I want to experience things, and those two things became
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: mutually exclusive and that was really the nexuside think of
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: the problems.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: Well, we have even more to talk with Gary about,
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: so we're gonna break this into a second episode. You
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: can stay tuned see that on your feed pop up
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: and until then, we'll see you next time.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.