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Dating as an Arab American: Send Help! · Obnoxiously Pleasant

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of Obnoxiously Pleasant.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Today we have a very special guest.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody knows her as Susan.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: I fondly refer to her as my Susan.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: Hey Susan! Hello, welcome to the podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Susan's awesome.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: She's excited.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: So today I is a very awesome episode.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: It was actually Susan's idea, which I really loved.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it was about finding love and traversing relationships as an Arab American and uh young millennial millennial millennial older Gen Zer, right?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, all right.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so tell us what is the scene, the dating scene like out there?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because we've been married for a long time.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: We like me and Hein are the last people to know about what's going on.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like I haven't dated in 24 years.
• 0:45
  unknown: Yeah.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Does dating your husband count?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: You had to date to get to, I mean, like after you get married.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't matter.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: How less you're married.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: No, but let's establish it on there and be like, it does count.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's not for you guys, anyways.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_02: Go ahead, Susan.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Tell us.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: What's it like out there?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's rough.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: Girl.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: The way she said that is rough.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: It is.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: It is rough.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_03: Finding a balance, like, or finding somebody with that same balance as I have, right?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_03: With the Arab culture and the American culture.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and just finding people in general, just having access to people that are interested in dating and are actually looking for something serious is very limited.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Can I tell you something funny?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I was talking to a friend specifically about that, like dating as an Arab American, and she goes, The pool is so limited, I can't even wade in it.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I died laughing.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, She's like, You're not talking about swimming anymore.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, I can't even wade in the pool.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: So she's saying there's not enough like Arab American No, not that there's enough Arab Americans, kind of like what Susan was saying, where there is not enough people who are invested and want the same things that she does in a relationship.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so yeah, it's kind of hard.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so do you think like okay, so you said it's right, but do you think like the dating apps do they help or is it just no?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: I have downloaded and deleted the same apps over and over again, and it's the same pool of men.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: That breaks my heart.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: And in this area, too, right?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, wait, but wait, there's more.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: I put my location in various areas.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: I will put my location in Dearborn, Michigan, for example, because there's a lot of like a large Lebanese community.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_03: Susan's Lebanese American guys, in case you're interested.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_03: I'm 29.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: I never never know.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: But yes, I have put my location in different areas to test the waters out, other than in Northern Virginia.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: And it's it's the same everywhere.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's the same.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I feel like, you know what's funny that you say that?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because I feel like not just Susan, a lot of people tell me that.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, it's the same people, they just have different faces and different names.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: But it's the same set of problems, it's the same set of issues, it's the same set like fear of commitment, it's having a multiple personalities where they don't know like what they're supposed to do, what they're not supposed to do, how Arab are they gonna be, how American should they be.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: But see, I want to ask because you're you're talking about how Arab or how American, but like, are you is your search specific to someone being Arab American, or are you open to the idea of someone who's not Arab, for example?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_03: So personally, I would really prefer someone who's Lebanese.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, right?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's yeah, yeah.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: Like I get it.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: I get it.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: I want them to be Lebanese because I also think about the future, right?
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: I want us to be on the same wavelength on things.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: Some people, it works.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Wavelength?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: The the Lebanese population as a whole isn't on the same wavelength.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: I love my Lebanese people.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of Lebanese people in America.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think about it?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was like within each other.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: I see what you mean.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, don't come for me, guys.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: Don't come for me.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, is anybody really in our generation?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: They're all a hot mess.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: So it is, it is a very small pool then.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: Is it though?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: I heard there's more Lebanese people outside of Lebanon than there is in Lebanon.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is a small pool, though.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: I agree with Lena.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: Really?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, because if you're very specific to that, I mean, the way we traditionally do it, I mean, that's the other thing.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: Are you okay with doing it the traditional way?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: Or have you just stuck with the apps?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: Define the traditional way.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, your mom says, Hey, I have found you an Adis.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: See, that'd be great if my mom left the house.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: But my my mom is great, but she's not your traditional Lebanese mother who goes around and saying, Andi bind badija wizha.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: Like she, that's not my mom at all.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_03: So you're not against that idea because a lot of- No, I actually beg her.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_03: I I'm now outsourcing mothers to do that for me.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, honestly, guys, when you meet Susan's mom, by the way, whose name is also Hanan, she's one of my favorite people.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: I love her.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: She's awesome.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Susan's mom, when Susan says she's not your traditional Lebanese mother or Arab American mother, it's because Susan's mom is, she has some tendencies about her that are very like Arab and then things that are very American.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I, a lot of things like similarities we share.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: But your mom, I think the big difference between you and her is your mom is introverted.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: She is very, she's very sweet, but it I love that she doesn't let a lot of people in.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: It takes time.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: She has a very limited number of friends.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: She's kind of like Lena.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, really, she's a lot like you.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why not in a bad way, but like she really, like she loves to, she has her very like select group of people, and she doesn't really stray outside of those people a lot.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: And she's happy with them and she doesn't need to get to know more people.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: So that's probably Okay, but okay, but you have you have aunts, they can hook you up, they can't be like, hey, listen, my fonts tell me.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: It is not the same.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: But I like the fact that she's not against the traditional way.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like, hey, I know this one person because a lot of people, you know, not a lot, but some people they don't like that.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: They want to be able to find their own person, and I get that.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: But so you are okay with the traditional in the traditional way.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like if Hanan finds, like if she knows like a Oh, I've tried to set up Susan before, but none of them were Lebanese.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: I have a hard time because like I so I'm a little bit different in that sense where I am very open to, hey, as long as it's a good person and they've got a good head on their shoulders and they have a good career.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like all of those things like matter, you know, just as much as somebody being Lebanese or or not Lebanese.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: I I look, I fully understand.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's a preference.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's like it's like basically saying, like, you know, I like this type of fruit versus that type of fruit, right?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: I look it's a preference.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: So is it because of like the cultural uh like aspect of things?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like you want someone who just gets it, right?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, like where I can just fit in, right?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: With their family and vice versa.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and just has an understanding of what is expected and what isn't expected.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: But honestly, you don't have to be Lebanese for that, Susan.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: No, but I also You don't even have to be Arab for that because it comes after my life always and then tells me I'm picky.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, but when all I asked was for a Lebanese man.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: No, but honestly, think about it like this.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, look at look at like like my brother-in-law, my sister's husband.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, but he's special.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: He is he's wonderful.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: He's special in a nice way the other way.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, he's amazing.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: He's great.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: He is amazing, like, and he fits in so much.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think my parents, not I think my parents definitely like him more than they like us.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's cool.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so yeah, I but Gilang got real lucky with him.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: So you told us basically that it's hard out there, right?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: Do you think it is still possible to find someone who you're compatible with and you're culturally aligned with?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: Is that a possibility?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: I hope so.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, like that's our plan, right?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: You asked her that question, like, hey, do you think you have hope?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, do you agree with that?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: I do.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: I do have hope.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_03: We have to make sure that's a good idea.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: But I also want to like clarify, too, that I have tried dating outside of the culture, and that's also just not worked.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, if it's not gonna work outside or inside, let me just stick with inside and be disappointed there only.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: I kind of agree with you, by the way.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: I see where you're coming from.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: Tell us what what's what are some examples, like some horrible dates or like just you know, some some guys that have come across like what's the you share a story, and then I'll share a story.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, go ahead about Susan.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, about me?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, great.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so one time I went on a date with an Afghan guy, okay, outside of my culture.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, why not?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: Let's do it.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, makes reservations for dinner, and we're like, okay, we're gonna meet at six.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: And so I show up early, like 5 55, not too early, and I go to the bathroom and I like ask, you know, for the reservation that's under his name.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_03: And I sit down and I text him, I'm like, okay, I'm here.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, Okay, I'm on my way.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's not cool.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, he doesn't show up till 6 15.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_03: And then sits down and says, Oh, I made the reservation for 6 15 like to give you time to be late.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, Who told you I was gonna be late?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like, did you just assume because I'm Arab that I was just gonna be on Arab time?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm not understanding.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: I would have done a bit late, I'm just saying.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but like if I don't know, I think if another Arab did that's you, okay.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: You can I don't know.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: No, I don't I don't even know.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't want to be there first.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: They don't even have that rapport for him to be 15 minutes.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's not cool.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: Right, like you don't know that I'm gonna be late.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_03: Like jokes on you, I'm actually on white people time.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: So that was kind of like a like turn off right away.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was like, no, absolutely.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like this is you already have made assumptions about me, and we haven't even gotten to know each other.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay, okay.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: Hana, what's your story?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: I set up Susan one time and she was like, Yeah, he was really nice, but he was moakadnafsian.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, please translate.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Makad Nefsian means she's like, he just like has a lot of baggage, like he has a lot of emotional issues.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: If you say baggage to describe maqadnafsian, you're being very kind.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: That is not the right translation.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, he's got issues, he's got issues, but like she but you said he wasn't bad.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: You just said he has a lot of things he needs to do with it.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: There was a lot, right?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I already have a lot to deal with at exam.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_03: It was a lot of family stuff, yeah.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um, relationships with families that were causing some, you know, some yeah, okay, some difficulties.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, okay, I I will say no things.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: I do, I I do love the fact that he was like honest and open because I think that that's important, but I also think like not the first time you're meeting somebody.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's too much too soon.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: Is there any do you have any other wild story?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I got hit in the face with a chopstick one time.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: But not on purpose.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_03: No, it was on accident, but he was sitting on the other side of the table and it literally flew out of his hand and hit me almost in my eye.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_03: And then um he ate my food and then took the rest to go.
• 9:50
  unknown: What?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, no, no, okay, wait a second.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, I have to ask.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: I have to ask.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: Was he Arab?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_02: No, he was white.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna comment.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna leave it at that.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: So here's the thing though.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the thing.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I don't know.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like the the one time that I like tried to touch her up, it wasn't terrible.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like you said, it was just too much too soon.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: I would look at it as okay, and I think we have like obviously like different perspectives on you know what is what is nice and what what somebody should bring to the table.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I look at it 100% as like someone's mom.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm looking at someone's mom.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, look, he's got a great job and good credit and great savings.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: Susan's like, yeah, so like going down there.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, what's g give us like one of the weirdest reasons that you have rejected an Arab guy?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: And then following up something, like, have you ever been rejected?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_02: And what was the craziest reason?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like you thought, okay, let's do one question at a time.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: And we thought that things were going well with someone, and then this person decided, nope, I'm like maybe like like someone ghosted you or something like that.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but literally, we were yeah, so there's one example where we met on an app and talked for a week, and he was like, and I'm like, all right, this is kind of getting weird, right?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: Love bombing, love bombing.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: And it was like his graduation, and I was like, Oh, show like Sr Chef Halakrid, and he literally disappeared.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, which means what you're a doctor, and now you like you think you're all that and you stopped answering, but like in a joking way.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: And he just but then he actually stopped answering.
• 11:23
  unknown: Oh my god.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: But there was nothing, right?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_03: Like nothing happened where you were like, Oh yeah, it was like just all of a sudden you just stopped answering.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not gonna, you know, blow up his phone.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, okay, Allah would Nabi Maq, like so, you know.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, exactly.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: No, I get it.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: Allah would Nabi Mah means may God and his prophet be with you.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, thanks for the changing.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, thank you.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, okay, so what about the a time where you're you were you thought things were going great?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and then something happened, and you're like, there's definitely no way in hell I can do this.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: I know it's kind of similar to the previous, but something where it's like you reject.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: But it's for me.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: But that's like, yeah, but and it doesn't have to be like, you know, sometimes sometimes you like you get to know somebody.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: So think about it.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Think about this question.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: You get to know somebody, and like a couple maybe dates in, you're like, oh, this is going real out.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Something happens, you're like, holy crap.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: So that's the thing though.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't know that it's ever gotten to that point.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's usually either from the, I know it's from the get-go, or I'm just like, absolutely not.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_03: Um yeah, or he just ghosts you out of nowhere.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_03: Damn.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: Damn.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's another, right?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't get that far, which is another annoying thing.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: It is hilarious because here's the thing, right?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think at like this whole episode made me think about something, right?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna pause here because I'm having a moment of reflection.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Not really, it's not reflection, but um, it's hilarious because throughout all our lives, growing up, growing up Arab American, and my experience is a little different because I'm an immigrant.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: I was like 10 when I moved here.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Susan was born here, but you raised your whole life being like, no boyfriend, no boyfriend, no boyfriend.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden, you hear you hit 24, 25.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Finn and boyfriend.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: No fin.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, where's where's the groom?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: How are you gonna get married?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then there's all these expectations of, oh my god.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then so whenever I talk to Susan, I'm just like, it's so confusing because your whole life, you're expected to just like be excellent and do good in school and have a career and do all of these things, and then magically at some point you're just supposed to just find a man and get married and have children.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, how am I gonna find a man and get married and have children if if I'm not allowed to stay up past 10?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, with that, when did you first start getting that pressure?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I don't.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, no.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: My family is very like lax about the whole situation.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: They're not like this kind of joke with it, right?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: Like, normal.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: When are you?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: I know they're they're atypical Arabs, okay, but they're very I mean, my dad will make jokes like I should give you a sign that says, like, we'll give you a thousand dollars if you take her, kind of situation.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, he's definitely joking, and they want me home as long as possible and could pair like halas.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: Whenever your naseb comes, your nasib comes is the same.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: Nase means your destiny.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, whenever your destiny comes.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean, yeah.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: So no, they they're very just, you know, whatever happens, happens.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: And of course, they like will pray for me and be like, you know, inshallah soon it'll happen and stuff, but like no one's ever been annoying about it, or you know, and we don't also, my mom is very open-minded.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: And so if I am talking to someone, she knows, like, you know, she's for it.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_03: So it's yeah, super rare.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just preface all of this by saying this does not actually exist in a lot of homes.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Most of the time the response is right?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: No, my my teta says um tvarkashtipada walabad.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: It'sti.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_03: Did you trip over somebody or not yet?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh wow, which I think is so cute, by the way.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was gonna talk to you about expectations, but you're like about family expectations, but now you're telling me your family's pretty chill.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like it's not really an issue, you know.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe extended family, like your grandma.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, uncle, it's just more so questions or like prayers, you know, like inshallah you're next, and you know, at bail.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: I hear that often, but but it's never it's nothing like intense.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's cool.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: I like, I like it.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean, I think it should always be like this.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: It should always be just, hey, I hope you find somebody.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I was I I met up with a friend who like her and I have been friends for probably 20 years.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: We met on a trip in 2004.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Do I know?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: On a trip to Egypt.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know actually, but um she is 41 and has never been married and is very, very, masha'allah, mashaAllah Nakanwood, very successful, right?
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: She's a doctor, which is no easy feat, right?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so her and I were talking uh just this week about this, and she's like, you know, she's like, I think there is so much to be said for meeting somebody when you're in your 20s, when you're still making like dumb decisions, or when you're going into something without using so much critical thinking and overthinking.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because she's like, now in your 40s, she's like, you meet people, and she's like, she's like, truth, truth.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, if you meet a guy and he's never been married and he's in his 40s, she's like, he's got some serious issues.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, or your other option is that he's divorced, and she's like, nothing against divorced people, but she's like, there's also still baggage there.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, it's very different than meeting somebody like in your 20s and being like, let's just jump in with both feet and see how we're gonna make this work.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: Now, on the flip side of that, I always tell her, I'm like, when you meet somebody, Lena was really young when she got married.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: I was young, but not as young as her.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: I always like to remind her of that.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, when you meet somebody and you get married at that age, you really only have two options.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: You either grow together or you grow apart.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like every single friend I have that has gotten married, and I was I was 24 when I got married, Lena was about 11.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's not true.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: Don't listen to her.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's illegal.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: 19, 19.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: She might as well been 11.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: So just almost.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: You're like if someone, you know, you're you're perpetuating the stereotypes here in the miscarriage.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's a jokes, okay.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: But it's uh, but 19 is this abuse.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: No, but 19, 19 is young.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's really, really young, you know.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: But I always say you either have two options, you're either grow together or you grow apart.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: And it's I don't know if like rewinding my 20-year marriage, right?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the decisions I've made, I I think like what helps, and what my friend was telling me is like, she's like, You probably made these decisions because you didn't didn't have all these other things to worry about or to think about.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, you just did it because you had to do it.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought about that.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, you know what?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: She's absolutely right.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if I was at this age trying to make some of the decisions I made in my 20s, I'd think so long and so hard.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: I probably have decision paralysis.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so you're saying decisions in general, not just like marriage.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, marriage and things that have to do with your marriage and things that have to do with your relationship.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: When you're in your 20s, you're just like, you're like, let's do it, let's jump in with both feet.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't think about like, does this person have this issue or whatever?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: When you get to like your 30s and 40s, you're like, so like what what's your credit score?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: I need to know your FICO score.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Are you able to buy a house?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas, like, honestly, in our 20s, we were just like, like, we were winging it.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we just went in and you're like, I'll just figure it out.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna cost me how much money?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: Fine.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Charge it.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: We'll just we'll pay it off later.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: But very, very different world than now.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Very different world.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_02: No, but I think you you know what you want.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think you want it.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: You know what you want, what you don't want.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_03: Right, but I'm also like practical about it, right?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_03: Like I'm not like, oh my gosh, I want a guy with a million dollars and a mansion.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: Like, let's be real, you know?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: Tall, dark, and handsome.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_03: Right, exactly.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_03: What is it?
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um in finance, six five.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_03: What is it?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: Finance, yeah.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: Six five.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: Six five, yeah.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but I mean, whatever it is, like But what are what are the things you're not gonna compromise about?
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um I know I'm making you think I just said by the way for no fucking reason.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: Things are wrong with me.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: Or I said by the way, and then I had a brain fart.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like my brain just went to the case.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's probably what happened.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's probably what happened.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: What the hell?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: What the hell, you guys?
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: This happens so much.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: Do you think it's like because I'm unemployed?
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: Girl, don't even, don't even.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I have a whole I can see her talking about Hanan being unemployed.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: Bullshit.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_02: Hanan is busy whether she's employed or unemployed.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's true.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, don't even keep herself busy.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: I do like to keep myself busy.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's funny, like, keeps me on my feet.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then I obviously I lose track of my thoughts.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, what are some things you're just not gonna compromise on?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: He has to use a shutoff.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_02: I was I said height.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: No, I'm only 5'3.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_03: Like, okay, he has to be what, like 5'7 and up?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, okay, that's fair.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, that's everyone.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: Guys, 5'7 is so good.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: No, I'm not being generous, okay.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: So chill out though.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but like, but like the shutoff is number one.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I definitely.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because what if we have another toilet paper shortage?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: Then what?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: He's gonna be like, I don't know what to do.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: Really?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: Toilet paper shortage, that's what you're worried about?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: You're not worried about his own.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like that's one, you know.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but yeah, health, obviously.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: But seriously, I know like it some people may think like we're being ridiculous about this, but this is a mental.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: Guys, if you don't wash your butt, we just can't we can't even be friends.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Let alone like live in this area.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you could you could be a 10, and if you don't wash your ass, it's so over.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's so over.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's so over.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care how handsome you are.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: The fact that somewhere in the back of my mind, my brain knows that you just pooped and only used cotton byproducts to clean your no, like one plate toilet paper.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, besides the shutoff, what else?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um I mean, I would really like that he speaks Arabic.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: Because that's a big deal.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: What if he's perfect but doesn't speak Arabic?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: What if he's a 10 in everything, but he just speaks around the Arabic.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like he's Lebanese.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: He's Lebanese.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like literally a 10, Susan.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: He's Lebanese, he uses a shutoff, but his Arabic is just No no, hold on, hold on.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: He's Lebanese.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay, he's a doctor.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: He uses a shutof.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: Or an engineer, right?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: He uses a shutof.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: He's handsome, he's 5'11, right?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: He's he he is he is healthy, he's fit, he's a gentleman, but doesn't speak Arabic.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_03: Well, yeah, honestly, like it's not a deal breaker.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: But like we're gonna be I'm gonna be teaching him some Arabic then.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's fine, but also I'm 29.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: We're not children, right?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm not like I think about it.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: But I just don't think that that should be like um Arabic is important, I get it, but I don't if you have if he has everything else, girl, go for it.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not even like I'm not even asking you to read and write, I just need you to speak it.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: But what if he doesn't though?
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_03: What if he doesn't, honestly?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I like it.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: She basically said you bring him and don't worry about anything.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, did you have any other questions?
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, besides the fact that we have to talk about Shatof at some point in the episode almost every episode.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: I know, right?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: No, but come on, tell me more.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: Give me more.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: He needs to smell good.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, more stories.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's what we want.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: That's what the people know.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, like when I listen to this stuff, I'll definitely never do this again.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like if I'm ever single.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, that's the thing that Lena and I talk about all the time.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know what's funny?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: And it's hilarious because it's like it's nothing against like we're good.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: We're good.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like, like, don't get the wrong idea.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we're We're we're not complaining.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, look, here's the thing.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think people like, and it's hilarious because that's like that's that's people, that's human psychology, right?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: You always want what is not readily available to you.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so I pause a lot and I think and almost all my married friends feel the same way.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like, would I do this all over again from the start?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, man, marriage is really hard work.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: It is hard to work and scare her.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're trying to get her married.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: No, she can get married, but and she will find out.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: And no matter, regardless of what I say, she's still gonna do what she wants to do.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: But marriage literally is hard work.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the it's very important to find a partner that has even if they're not, they have zero similarities to you, but they have to have the same level of investment in a relationship that you have because that's the only way it's gonna work.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: If there's any level of selfishness, if there's any level of like lack of motivation to commit to what you want for the both, when I say you, I mean the both of you want, that's like never gonna work.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's never gonna work.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think people realize that you literally work at your marriage every single day.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: Now, some days are better than others.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: We can all attest to it.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I don't want to work.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but that's not an option, that's not an option, girl.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: That is not an option.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, the point is if we're ever single, we're not doing it again.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: We have our own reasons and it's fine.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think Lena, we're gonna be like the Norwegian woman who like cohabitate.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I had read an article about that like ages ago, and I was like, that's what we're gonna do.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna live together.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and we're like, we'll work and we'll make money, and like we don't have to cook.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'll stay home and cook.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's fine.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'll work.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'll work.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a hustler.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a hustler, yeah.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I enjoy cooking, so I don't know.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but and Lena's a Greek cook.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: So like so I'm good with you.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's fine.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: We're figuring it out.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: No, but it's not but see, I think I think it's also like different perspectives.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like my husband, like, whenever like he finds out, like I have a friend who like recently got divorced or is single, he's like, she finds someone.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, no, she doesn't want to.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, but why?
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: Marriage is so good.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I'm glad you're enjoying it.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_03: As we like to say, I don't please translate that.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_02: Basically, yeah.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: He just he's so like, I'm like, I'm glad you're happy.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, everyone is.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, basically, it's like only a dumbass would make the same mistake twice.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so we're gonna move on to unless you want to add anything, unless you have any other crazy stories.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_03: I have one more.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_03: Please go for it.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I have one more to to end that this segment for you.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I met a guy, I had my location in Dearborn, Michigan.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: I know, and I met a guy, and so I always say, like, when are you gonna come visit me?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: Because you know damn well I'm not taking my ass to Dearborn, Michigan to meet anyone.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_03: That's the way it should be today.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I shit you not.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_03: He comes, right?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_03: And we go out and we have a great time, and then he drove to from Michigan to Virginia.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_03: That's amazing.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_03: And he spent the night in the hotel, and I, like a respectable Arab girl, spent the night in my own home.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_03: And then Yeah, because you know that's how we roll.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we don't, yeah.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: My mom is open-minded, but she's not that open-minded, okay?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_03: And the next day I went to go see him and I was like, I had a great time, whatever.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_03: Text me when you get to Michigan, gets to Michigan, lets me know he's in Michigan.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, you know, I had such a good time.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'd love to explore things further and see where things go.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: And that was it.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_03: He drove all the way out here and then just Are you serious?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_03: I swear.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: He didn't even respond.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: Nope.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: Why did you text me you got to Michigan in the first place?
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: If you were just gonna ghost me.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's I can't.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_03: That's a seven and a half hour drive, by the way, minimum.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_03: To Virginia and then I don't understand.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_03: I like I don't understand.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's seven and a half.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't understand ghosting in general.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think I don't understand.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's so rude and I think it's so like stupid.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do why did all of a sudden you decided I'm I can't do this anymore?
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm just gonna pretend like I don't exist.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's so that would be that would you know, but that that that would like it's very, it's very upsetting.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how did you like how do you how do you come like how do you deal with something like that?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_03: You just you what do you do?
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like I it's not in my control at this point, right?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I it's not and you're just like okay, yellow, on to the next one.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's just yeah, it's like But you f you you had interest, definitely.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like it was right, yeah.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_03: Like it was really, it was really great, and um, we had a really great time.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_03: We had fun, we went to dinner, whatever, it was like laughing all night, and he told me to come back the next morning, right?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_03: So, like that's another thing, right?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_03: Where they lead you on and make you seem like, okay, like things are going really well.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_03: And then it was like just getting I can't.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's just so like you know, I I don't I don't know why people are like this.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I find it to be so strange in the dating.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like when I hear stories, like whether it's from like other friends or co-workers or whatever about dating, and it's like this weird game.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: And what's like, why don't you just tell this person, like, hey, I like you, like, let's hang.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: Or yeah, you know, I mean, he could have just refused.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, you know, and yeah, and told me it didn't work, it wasn't for me.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's so strange.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if I'm a I'm a grown adult, if I find something interesting, I'm gonna seek it.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you a perfect example.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: I I I was talking to a random stranger, you guys, and we had a 40-minute conversation last Sunday, right?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, random stranger had a 40-minute conversation, and she's so sweet.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, I just moved here three months ago from Seattle.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a single mom.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's very hard for me to make friends.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Can we be friends?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's right.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Can we have coffee sometime?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I was like, that's so lovely.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's so nice.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I think like dating should be like.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but see, she picked the right person because if she had come to me and said, That's me, I'd be like, girl, no.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, I think no, no, but I think if you had a nice conversation with somebody, Lena, and they were like, I would be nice, I would be nice, but like for me, I just I we've had this discussion before.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just not in the market for anything.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: Lena doesn't have people ever.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: Ever.
• 27:40
  unknown: Just ever.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'm peopleling right now.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: But I like Susan, I've known Susan every time.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_03: Right now, we've known each other for a while.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think that's not people.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: But see, I'm saying she did, she did, she picked the right person.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a seeming too.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: I know about it, but honestly, like you are the one.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: But I just wish, I wish for everybody out there that's like single, I wish dating was like that.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you just meet somebody and you like them, just like tell them to like that.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: I like you and like let's see what happens next.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why would somebody ghost somebody?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: Why would you not answer your phone?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: Why I I don't get that, and I never will.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it shouldn't be this difficult to meet somebody that you're interested in, be like, I'm interested in you, let's hook it up and let's do something.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: People are so so so strange.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna kind of end just with one question and then we'll do the rapid fire.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: So, what's give me, give me something like your ick.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: That it doesn't matter.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: Long nails.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_03: That shit grosses me the out.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_03: Like I as soon as I see that ear hair, that too.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean, let's start, let's start from what's the first thing that I can see, right?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like if your nails are long, yeah, and I can see the white, and it's like a good like half like a centimeter of I'm not no, thank you.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: So for all the for all now that we know Ix, yes, for all our our wonderful viewers out there who have brothers, cousins, you know, whatever that might be interesting in Susan, Susan, what are you looking for?
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: What's the first thing that attracts you to a man?
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: A smile.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, the teeth, yeah, for sure.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_03: That's cute.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_03: So it's gotta have good teeth.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Good teeth, everybody.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody good hygiene is always recommended.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, good teeth, everybody with Lebanese American men, Lebanese men, Lebanese women with American Lebanese men in your lives, drop us a comment, please.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: If the man in your life that's single has good teeth, is between the ages of 30 and 35 and the looking to meet somebody amazing.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'm like, why are we asking?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, what's the purpose of me?
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: I was listening to you, and then like their boy, I thought you said their husbands or no, I said their single men in people, the single men in their lives.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's the one I'm like, what is she doing?
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: Now you're gonna chickini flefy.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like did I not say anything about I said brothers.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you did your husband.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_03: No, but if your husband has a brother that's single, that's fine.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_03: If your husband is looking for a wife, no.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_02: Please wait, we that's a no we don't do that.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: But if your husband has a brother, that's single.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, then we can talk.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: All right, we ready?
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_02: Sure, let's do it.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: What's harder to find?
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_02: A good shawarma or a good match?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: A good match.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_03: Really?
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I can find you good shawarma anywhere.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I are always on the hut for good shawarma.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_03: No, I got you.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_03: Don't worry, we'll talk later.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, what's more disappointing?
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_02: A bad day or bad hummus?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: A bad hummus, I think.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: Food never lets you down.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: Men do.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, one cultural tradition you definitely keep in your love life.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_02: Something that Adam do that you definitely want.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: You want this with your future person.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um like it'd be great if he could do depke.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's okay.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_03: Nice.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_03: See, that is important.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it is.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_03: I need somebody like that.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like if I'm in the depke line and he's just like kicking the air, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna need you to sit down.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, um, red flags you shouldn't ignore.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: How he treats his mom.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: See that?
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: See that everybody?
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, green flags you always look for.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_02: How he treats you.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, what's your we said what's your personal ick?
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: The long nails.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_02: The long nails, right?
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's just I yeah.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_03: Even if they're clean, I just they why are they long?
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_03: What do you need them for?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_03: Mine are painted.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_03: What are you doing with yours?
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but if they're clean, I mean, like them being clean is a little bit better than having no idea.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it nails are both.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_03: Magnets, nails, toes, and fingers need to be cut short.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_03: Halas.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_03: I agree.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_03: It's not a big thing.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so here I have a follow-up about toes.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of that.
• 31:32
  unknown: Yeah.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: Are you okay with uh with your future husband, inshallah here, getting a pedicure?
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's fine.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'd love to go get a pedicure with him.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right?
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, as long as he's not too ticklish and then kicks the lady in the face.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like, some people say no.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like some guys be like, oh, that's that's for girls, that's for women.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's good hygiene.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's a pump massage.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_02: No, like, no, because some people will do I I've some guys like at work, we were having this conversation, they're like, oh god, no.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's like, you know, that's questionable.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, then you can walk around with stinky.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but like no one is telling you, no one is telling you to paint your toe.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can just do a pedicure.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_01: No, I will have to say though, like, there's one thing that I really, really, really appreciate about my husband is that since the day I've met him, his hands and his feet, his nails and his toenails, and you know my we're getting really like.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: No, they are he is so particular about that, and they're always well clean, and they're never, they're never like scraggly.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think you and I would be married to themselves.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I had an issue with that.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but what I love about him is he teaches the kids that that's like very important.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like their their ears have to be clean, they're not.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's so sad that we have to talk about hygiene when you're dating.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like people come on, get it together.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: But can I tell you something?
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: It does make it does make a difference.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_01: One time I took my kids to the pediatrician, and their pediatrician is a man, right?
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's just that their age is they're just more comfortable with a guy.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyways, he made a the pediatrician made a comment to me.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out, Frank.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: He was like, Your kids' feet are so clean.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: And at first I was very confused by why he's saying that, but he's like, I was and then I asked, I was like, you know what?
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: I I have to ask.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_01: He was like, I was like, Frank, why are you what do you mean they're clean?
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, no, your kids, he's like, their their feet, their toenails are very clean.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that left me so confused.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, you would be surprised the way that people's feet look, kids, people's people and their children when they come in here.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I was, I didn't even know what to think anymore.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what do you mean?
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_01: I know Raftina Hayati.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, the next one.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if your love life were a song title, what would it be?
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so are you blaming yourself?
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, I'm not blaming myself.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: Come on.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, what gives you hope?
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: Let's end on this.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_02: What gives you hope about finding love?
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_03: Because there's no way there's not one person for everyone, right?
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_03: There's too many people.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, and it might not be now, and it wasn't earlier in my life, which I thought was gonna be like I thought I would be married with kids at this point in my life.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay, growing up because I knew like Askan and I'm obsessed with children.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I I don't know that I've met anyone that's as obsessed with children as I am, and like that's all I want in life is to have kids and to find my you know, my person.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_03: So there's no way that all of these people live on this planet, and there's not one for me.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_03: So okay, so that's it.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_03: You just you have to have hope, right?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like I can't I can't like that.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_03: Gives me hope.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_03: Is that halas?
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_03: It's inevitable that I will find my person eventually, whenever that is.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: He might just not be Lebanese.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know, and it is what it is.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: Let me let me tell you, let me give you let me tell you something.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_02: Don't don't like back down with that.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: If you if that's for you, if that's for you, then you'll get it.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: Find it.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I agree with you completely because I can't see myself, and nothing, no offense to anybody else.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like you do you, everyone can do whatever they want.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: But me personally, I get what you're saying.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like that culture, especially being Palestinian, it's such an important thing for me.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_02: So I get it.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: So don't compromise on it.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_02: No, okay, but no, you're you're you're hopeful.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yes, absolutely.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, don't give up, guys.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_02: No, inshallah.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_02: What's your message to the other girls out there?
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_03: Hang in there.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_03: Wallah, we're not too old.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, you got this.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_03: You got this, yeah.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_03: When it's our time, our I know our time will happen and it'll be the right time.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_02: Inshallah.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you so much for doing that.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for having me.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: You were awesome.