Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / The one question you should ask yourself when dealing with a narcissist

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The one question you should ask yourself when dealing with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammock,
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time seeing my
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  face or hearing my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise
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  awareness for a PD, get more people into therapy and also
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  validate the victims, survivors and thrivers of said disorders.
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  Said toxic people said toxic traits.
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  Today's episode is going to be about the one question you
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  should ask yourself when dealing with a narcissistic person.
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  And that question is how does this serve them?
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  How does this benefit the narcissistic person?
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  Because that question right there, y'all can save you a lot
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  of time, effort and energy and help you when dealing with a
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  narcissistic, toxic person. Before we happen to today's
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  episode, you know I got to shout out the Self Love Journal which
• 0:51
  is available on Amazon. That is helping a lot, a lot, a
• 0:55
  lot of people I'm so thankful for.
• 0:57
  You can find it on Amazon that Lee Hammock self love or you'll
• 0:59
  search yourself if y'all see back to the guy.
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  Finally did my hair. So I'm fresh.
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  So fresh hair, fresh energy, fresh episode.
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  Let's get it. But yeah, yeah, this is
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  typically how it goes when you're dealing with narcissistic
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  people. Ask yourself this question.
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  This question right here can help you communicate with
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  narcissistic people to your benefit, is not Lee.
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  It sounds like you're trying to teach us how to manipulate
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  people. Welcome to narcissistic
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  manipulation 101, guys. This is exactly what this is
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  exactly what we're teaching you today, how to manipulate
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  narcissist. No, but seriously, y'all this
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  can teach you or this can help you on on your pathway of how to
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  communicate with a narcissistic person that you're in a
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  relationship with, that you have left and have to coparent with,
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  that you have to do business with, that you have to see at
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  work or what not. If you can't go, no contact,
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  can't go, great, can't great rock or whatever, whatever the
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  situation may be. You know, so ask yourself this
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  question. Y'all, I feel like this question
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  it a lot of people don't think about this question right here,
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  but it can truly, truly help so many people.
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  How does this benefit them? If you have a scenario or
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  situation that you're when you're dealing with a
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  narcissist, ask yourself that question.
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  Because as a narcissist, I'm asking myself that question.
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  I'm asking myself that question or some some iteration of that
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  question. I'm asking myself exactly that.
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  How does this doing this, saying, this, being here, going
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  there, giving you this, taking this away from you, How does
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  this benefit me? So if I'm asking myself that
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  question, you can ask yourself that question and then help.
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  Of course you want to ask yourself how does it benefit
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  you? I know everybody asks themselves
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  that question, but narcissisted people, a lot of them, tend to
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  be selfishly. Me first.
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  People like me first, me first. Me first.
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  To the detriment of other people.
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  Yeah, a lot of people do say, how does this benefit me?
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  Yeah, you want to do that anyway.
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  But narcissist, the people come from a place of selfish intent
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  and don't like the lack of empathy kicks in where they
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  don't necessarily care how the benefit of them, how how it
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  benefiting them affects others. You see what I'm saying?
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  How this doing this or whatever the situation is, how does this
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  benefit me? I don't care how it affects
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  others. You on the other hand, who might
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  have a higher level of empathy higher level of cognitive and
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  emotional empathy. You might think that okay I got
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  I have this right here. You know I I How does this
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  benefit me. But.
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  Without hurting the other person, Without destroying the
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  other person. I don't think most people would
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  think that they like that. I could be wrong.
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  You could think they're like, I want to destroy people too, Lee.
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  So if you want to destroy people, we might need to have
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  another conversation. You see what I'm saying?
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  But that's how it goes. Like, y'all ask yourself that
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  question right there, because a lot of, like I said, just in my
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  mind. When I'm dealing with you or I'm
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  dealing with somebody else, when I'm sharing somebody else's
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  videos or whatever, I'm asking myself those questions.
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  Y'all, How does this benefit me now?
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  I don't. I'm not very interested in
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  destroying people anymore unless I feel like they've done me
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  wrong with some way, shape or form.
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  But a lot of narcissists are still interested in trying to
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  and how they don't care. A narcissistic person.
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  Y'all hear me say this before then.
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  A lot of narcissists tend to be like hurricanes.
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  Like we come in spinning off the coast of North Carolina.
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  We spinning, We are just spinning.
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  We are destroying stuff in our path.
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  We are leaving debris in our path.
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  We are leaving a wreckage in carnage in our path while we're
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  spinning and destroying things. But like, we're just a
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  hurricane. We just, that's what we that's
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  what just just what we do. So ask yourself that question.
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  Y'all because. If you can, learn how to if you
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  can, like I I always tell people to try to to take a look at the
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  book How to Win Friends and influence People.
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  Because narcissistic you can do winwin situations.
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  You can make. If you know how to learn how to
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  make a narcissistic person feel like they're winning, you can
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  win. Even if they're losing.
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  If you can butter it up to make it seem like they're winning you
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  said you. You can communicate with them
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  better. You can get what you want from
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  them by making them feel like they won.
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  You mean let's say you want. Let's say you have a
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  narcissistic person that just does not show up on time ever
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  for pickups and drop offs. You see what I'm saying?
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  You so instead, like, so you know 10:00 o'clock works better
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  for you, right? But so you.
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  But you. 10:00 o'clock works better for you.
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  So you say 9 or 930. You Hey, which one?
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  Which one works better for you, 9 or 930?
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  Either one that works better for me.
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  So you've already set the the scenario up right there in this
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  situation, like, how does this benefit me?
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  But it also benefits them at the same time you've given them
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  options. You see what I'm saying, David?
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  You give you making them feel like they're in control of the
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  situation, right? Because they get the pick
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  between two times, but you already know that they're going
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  to be late out of the way. You already know that you're not
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  going to be there. Like you already know that
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  they're not going to show up to 945 ten o'clock anyway, or maybe
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  a little after 10. You know they're going to be
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  like you have an average about a window between 30 minutes or an
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  hour late. So you cannot, like you already
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  know what time works better for you.
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  But you have to sometimes you have to make them feel like
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  they're in control again, y'all this is not manipulation.
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  This is just how to communicate. This is how you have to
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  communicate with some narcissistic people.
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  You have to make them feel like they're winning in some way,
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  shape or form or otherwise they're just going to feel like
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  they're losing all the time and. Narcissist, the people like we
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  want to win. We want to win.
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  We want to at least feel like we're winning.
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  Even if we get screwed over. We want to feel like we're
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  winning something. We want to feel like we told you
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  what to do. Narcissists hate being told what
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  to do. We hate authority figures.
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  We hate people above us, or people that feel like they're in
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  control of us, or people feel like they have a, you know, as
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  far as far as the hierarchy in my life or whatever, as far as
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  the hierarchy in my life. Then yeah, it should work that
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  way right there. You mean as long as far as I
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  have it, as long as I have this hierarchy in my life, I want to
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  be on top of this hierarchy. I want to be the king or the
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  queen. I want to be the top of it.
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  While other people, you know, in this situation do that right
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  there. Yeah, Yeah.
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  Like I say, they want to feel like they're on top.
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  So if you can get started learning how to make them feel
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  like they're on top while you're actually winning, you can win
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  y'all. And then you can just ask
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  yourself, how does this benefit them?
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  Or how can I make it feel like, How can it make it seem like it
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  benefits them to be on time? How can it make it feel like it
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  benefits them to to give me some money or to talk or to
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  communicate with me better? How did I make it?
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  How does it make them feet? How does it?
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  How did this benefit them? Y'all.
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  I feel like the question right there can help so many people
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  because so many people ask me how do you communicate with a
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  narcissist? Like, yeah, it's damn near
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  impossible to communicate with a Narciss.
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  But sometimes if you learn the language because it's like
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  you're speaking English while that narcissistic person is
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  speaking Latin or something like that.
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  So if they're speaking to their whole entire different language,
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  you see what I'm saying? It just gets into that point,
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  into that dynamic where you just have to.
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  That's how you have to do it. Sometimes you have to learn how
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  to communicate with them on a better level, you know, and
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  whatnot. Be that.
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  Just like, say, just communicate, learning to
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  communicate with them on a better level.
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  Can help you out. You had to make them feel like
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  they're winning something like, oh, I just want them.
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  I just. I just.
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  I just showed her the whole time.
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  If you make them feel like they just taught you a lesson or they
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  just showed you but you make because you made it feel like
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  they benefited them. You can win.
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  You know what I mean? You have to power yourself over,
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  though. Y'all.
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  I'm just telling you that this this is like it.
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  I know it sounds sneaky and deceptive, but sometimes this is
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  what you have to do. You're not stooping to their
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  level. I promise you.
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  You're not. You know what I mean?
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  I promise you you're not. Because I if I'm asking myself
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  that question already, y'all keep asking me to get inside the
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  mind of a narcissist. Here you here you are.
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  Here's a look inside my mind. How does this serve me?
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  How does this benefit me? How does this make me win?
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  How am I winning here? You know, because narcissists,
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  the people like I told you before, don't really like to
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  take losses. We don't like to take ails.
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  That's what the the young folks say nowadays don't want to take
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  ails. You know what I mean?
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  But that's the that's the space in the dynamic that so many
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  people deal with. That's what I'm telling y'all.
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  You have to empower yourself. Because if you don't empower
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  yourself, then life might take a weird, awkward turn for you.
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  And then narcissist, the person is just going to run you over.
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  Because if you like that, you'd already know.
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  Narcissist, this is. I'm going to finish up with this
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  right here. Y'all.
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  You already know that narcissists hate when you tell
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  them no and hate when you set boundaries, because those are
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  controlling tactics. That narcissist, the people feel
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  like you're trying to control me.
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  You're trying to tell me what to do.
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  Oh, you're rejecting me? I'm not good enough.
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  So if you stop, if you don't, like I said, you can still use
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  the word Noah and stuff like that.
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  I'm not telling you, I'm not telling you not to set
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  boundaries. I'm just telling you to set the
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  boundaries in a way that benefits you.
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  But it's somehow, someway shape or form, it makes it feel like
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  it benefits them. And if you don't want to go this
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  far and learn how to communicate this way, I'm just you don't
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  have to. This is not me telling you have
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  to do this, but just put this question in your mind.
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  You don't have to go. You don't have to jump through
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  hoops and come up with a damn 15 level 15 layer plan of the rumor
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  Doll of Plans. You know the little dolls that
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  you keep opening it up and it has another little doll inside
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  of it. You don't have to do that in the
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  last doll has the plan. You know I'm not telling you to
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  do to do all this crazy planning.
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  I'm just telling you, ask yourself, especially if you have
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  time to plan out the conversation, if you have time
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  to think about what you're going to say.
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  To ask yourself this question first, just put it at the top of
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  your list. How does this serve them?
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  Of course. Put it How does this serve me at
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  the top? How does this serve me?
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  How does this benefit them? They have to feel like they're
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  winning in some way, shape or form.
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  They don't want me to tell them what to do.
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  So I have to watch. I have to watch the language I
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  use. It's like you have to dumb down
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  your language to deal with artists as Y'all.
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  A lot of times it's like you. Literally, literally, literally.
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  Literally have to dumb down your language in order to communicate
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  with them in a better way. And there's Noah.
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  Sounds stupid, yeah, but sometimes you have these
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  relationships tend to end up being stupid sometimes.
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  Yeah. Anyways, y'all.
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  Thank you. We'll tune into another episode.
• 11:03
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• 11:06
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• 11:13
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• 11:15
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• 11:18
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• 11:20
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• 11:26
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• 11:27
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• 11:30
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• 11:32
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• 11:37
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• 11:40
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• 11:43
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• 11:54
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• 11:57
  better.