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The Episode I’ve Been Waiting a Year to Make 🥳 · Kind of a Big Deal

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everybody, Kristen Belden here.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: And we're doing something a little different today.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Today will not just be a one-on-one interview.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Today I am using this episode to celebrate the one-year birthday of kind of a big deal.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I am super excited to do a little bit of reflecting on what the last year has brought from these conversations, from my own learning, some interesting themes and patterns that I've heard come up over the course of over 50 conversations at this point.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Last spring is when I went on a listening tour of sorts.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: So spring of 2025, when I really sat with myself and realized the kind of woman I want to work with, the kind of organization I want to serve.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, you know, I'm going to go out and ask for a handful of conversations, 10 to 15 women that I would have in my mind as my ideal client.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And because all of these women are amazing, each of them agreed with zero hesitation to get on a call or grab a coffee.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And in these conversations, I realized, oh my God, there are so many amazing stories here.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much incredible wisdom.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And where will they all live now?
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting on all of this incredible content and intellect, and that was how kind of a big deal was born.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I started it as a video series in the summer of last year and then transitioned into using it in the podcast format last October.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it has become just a true anchor of love and an anchor of creativity in my life.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so grateful for each of the women that has come into these conversations ready and willing and so open and just with a true desire to share vulnerably and share transparently and share so generously.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think there is something to be said about hearing ourselves in other women whose stories resonate for whatever reason.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I always love it when I hear from folks who have listened to an episode and they take something totally different away or take a different anecdote away than I even took.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's all so powerful.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I love getting to chat with women about these really interesting inflection points.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think so many of us are navigating what I call this kind of mid to mid to late career awakening where we recognize that we're not in a moment where we need to throw everything out that has gotten us to where we are today, but we want to be more intentional about what's next.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: We want to find ways to identify and release the things that are no longer serving us and double down on what does.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I hear so much of this in all of these conversations, whether it's from a past season from a guest or a season they're currently navigating.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought it would be cool to go through all of these conversations and pull out some of these themes and patterns that I have heard over these last, you know, 50 plus conversations.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: And there's more than what I'm going to share, of course, but these are the ones that resonate the most for me at this season in my life.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just get into it.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into these themes and patterns that I'm hearing.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so curious how you might find yourself in these conversations and these snippets.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: So the first one I want to share is this theme of finding identity beyond your job and this kind of unlearning of the typical corporate hustle that so many of us were indoctrinated into.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: So this one is just huge for me.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: There was a moment three years ago that was a massive mile marker in my own life that really set the course for all of this to even happen and for my life to pretty dramatically change from a career perspective.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I've shared bits and pieces over the course of this year and in certain conversations, but I think it's worth pausing and sharing a little bit more about the summer of 2023 for me and what it meant to go through this massive career implosion.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I was at the time acting as COO of a really fast-growing social impact technology company.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had been there for about three and a half years at that point, and I was all in.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, a hundred and thirty thousand percent in.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: It was a mission-driven organization that I cared really deeply about.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And not just me, it was anyone that was a part of this company.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: You were there for a reason.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was because you cared about the work, you cared about the community, and it was fun.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: It was like riding a high-speed train every day.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's something new, something wild, something fun.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew the two co-founders quite well.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: They were friends of mine, and I had really become enmeshed in the culture of the organization.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was traveling all of the time.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was living, eating, and breathing this company, as so many of us do when we care about the work we're doing.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And Memorial Day weekend of 2023, we all were called into an emergency Zoom meeting, and we were all furloughed overnight, and our last paychecks bounced, and everything literally vanished.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: We no longer had access to our work, to our emails, to anything that we had built over the course of however many years people had been with the organization at that point.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the two co-founders were indicted on millions and millions of dollars of investor fraud and are now in federal prison for nine and eleven years.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's a whole other story and a whole lot that I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: But the point for this conversation is I went from one day having my identity very much wrapped up in my title, my salary, what I was doing, my output, my productivity.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was everything to me.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I remember that first morning feeling like, what do I do with my hands?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: What do I do?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I had never not worked.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: I've worked since I was, you know, working for my dad's company as a young teenager.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and all the way up to getting my first cafe job when I was 15.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of us from that generation, that's what we have known, is a level of hustle and output that is not necessarily a bad thing, but I had never really stopped to consider is this actually the career ladder that I want to be climbing?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of folks are navigating moments like this these days where the workplace is changing rapidly.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: We have new technologies that are shifting the way we think about positions and the workplace in general.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I've listened to enough or read enough of some of the big thinkers in this space who are not necessarily worried about what it means from an economic perspective.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: There is a concern about a crisis of identity.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I now look at that summer as painful as it was, let's be very clear.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: The last half of 2023 was one of the hardest seasons I've ever walked through.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was deeply uncomfortable.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: There was a lot of grief in releasing this kind of identity that I had created for myself, the work that I cared about.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I now look at it as this giant gift of if the hamster wheel hadn't been stopped for me, I don't think I ever would have stopped for myself.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I now can say I've done that work and I've asked those questions and I've landed in these different spaces than I ever would have if I had just kept going, going, going.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I hear this a lot from women.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Some where the rug was pulled out from under them and they were forced into some of these questions and conversations, others where they're just learning to be more intentional about it.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd like to share a few of my favorite clips from these conversations with you all so that you can hear from women directly about what their own version of this has looked like.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: First, we're gonna hear from Laura Harmon, someone I've adored for many years and is just a true leader.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: She has been an executive in the HR space for decades, but is really thinking about what that means for her as she moves into the second season of her career.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: So here's Laura.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_05: I think for me, taking a pause creates space for me to be more intentional.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_05: And because it takes me so long to just stop, and even stop is a really funny thing because I don't think I ever stop.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_05: I just stop that one thing and I replace it with something else.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_05: And so really taking time to reflect and to think about like, is what I'm doing a value?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_05: Am I really making the impact that I thought I was gonna make?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I mean, in our work life, we set goals every year.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna accomplish these four or five things, or we're gonna accomplish these four or five things as a team, and here's how we'll know that we've been successful.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_05: I think it's important to do that in your personal life and not goals around I'm gonna get this job, I'm gonna make this money.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_05: It's what are the things that bring me the most joy?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_05: What are the things that fill my cup?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_05: What are the things that align with my values?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that great?
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I love Laura's framing around thinking about the things that align with our values and considering what our personal goals are.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're a full-time W-2 employee or you're building your own business or you're a full-time stay-at-home caregiver, whatever your world looks like, really stopping to ask ourselves that question, it's not something that we're necessarily taught as we're younger.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish it were.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that I think about as I'm raising my own two kids now.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what are the things that you care about that are not necessarily related to output or quote-unquote productivity?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's something I would love to see more women getting to ask themselves, you know, before they hit the brick wall or have the rug pulled out from under them.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: What are these ways of integrating these questions for ourselves?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I think Laura's framing was so beautiful.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Another woman that I chatted with, Sheree Hager, she is the founder of SALT, S-A-A-L-T.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's a wildly successful period care company, and she's built this beautiful life.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: She has six kids, this thriving business, and she had something also really cool to say about this.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: So let's hear from Sherry.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: So many people will tell you, you know, clear out the noise, clear out the noise, pick out your top three things that you need to get done for the day.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's always kind of pissed me off, frankly, because I'm like, well, if that's not possible, because I there's not only three things that I can really focus on if I have a life and a family and a community and volunteer work and my business.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: So the idea of integrating that and saying, you know, whatever the number is that's right for you, you know, two most important things for your business and two most important things in your personal life, I'm totally gonna do that now.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for that.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, Kristen, I'm gonna yes and this because I remembered my thought.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_07: I'm actually writing a book about this, and this is the reason is because I want more women to feel just absolutely like they're creating the best lives that they can.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_07: And so the yes and is I I love that you identified, okay, those three things are just saying what's on my to-do list.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_07: And often those three things aren't taking into account priorities, which is like my personal life is also priority.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_07: But one step further is you actually do the work and the vision work of saying, who do I want to become?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_07: What does my best Kristen look like?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_07: What does my best me look like?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_07: And when I did that work, I was like, I want to be an incredible mother who's known as being compassionate.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_07: I want to give an impact to the world.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_07: I want to be a great spouse, a great friend, a great aunt.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_07: I want to change people's lives to make them better when they interact with me.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_07: I want to be fit and healthy and strong, you know, and you write all these things out of like, who do I want to be and who do I want to be known for?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_07: And you can have some fun things too.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_07: Like I'm like, I actually want to keep my round off back tuck till I'm 50 because I was a gymnast and I still do backflips on the trampoline.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_07: I want to visit this many countries.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_07: You write all that down and then you work backwards and say, what do I have to do each day to become that person?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_07: And something beautiful happens when you do that.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_07: That, you know, to-do list becomes your to-be list.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_07: And what's fulfilling about it is it's not just like what can I get done, but what's going to lead me to continue to be my best self.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_07: So your progress isn't progress towards a dollar number.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_07: It's not towards a time frame.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_07: It's progress towards your best life and you becoming.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's so funny when I listen back to that clip because it's really true.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: I get so frustrated at times when I hear this concept of, you know, focus on the signal, not the noise, and prioritize, be just absolutely ruthless about your time.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And for so many of us at this season of our lives, we many of us are in that sandwich of caring for young children and making sure that our aging parents are okay, or you are caretaking for somebody full-time.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: There is this idea that you should be able to clear out anything that's not the main focus or priority.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I just call bullshit.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's just kind of a I would love to be able to do that.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not possible at this stage of my life.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so Cherie's idea of creating this to be list instead of a to-do list and letting that drive how you prioritize your time, I thought was so great.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: And asking yourself, what do I want to become?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Not just what do I want to do, I think is such a powerful way to reframe that conversation with ourselves and to really think about, okay, if these and and your business or your career can of course be a part of that, should be part of that, but it's not the only thing.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not the only thing driving how we think about our time and where we're putting our energy.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I just loved that, and I thought her reflection on that was fantastic.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Last one here we're gonna hear from is Glenda, who I have known for the last handful of years.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: She's a giant part of a community that I really hold deeply at this stage of my life.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And she was actually my very first interview for kind of a big deal.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really worth hearing her story because she has now built an entire body of work around this idea of the power of the pause and what it means to give ourselves the real space we need to ask ourselves these critical questions.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_04: To the point, like when I first started my corporate career, I was in a management development program and with the intent to run like a little business within the larger corporate umbrella.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_04: Um and what's interesting is the theme from that program was, you know, you're the first to arrive, the last to leave.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_04: And whether it was healthy or not, it didn't matter.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_04: It was that was the mantra.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_04: So you you suddenly the decisions you made were around.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_04: That's how you had to show up, which didn't serve you long term.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_04: It's not sustainable to to not have that balance.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_04: Although when I think of how I built my career early on, it was pushing through, it was doing things that others said weren't it wasn't possible or it was hard, I was not afraid of hard, that didn't scare me at all.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_04: What I think one of the big moments though was realizing that when you push that hard and you start to get those signals from the universe that you might need to take a break, you might need to like pause just a moment.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um when you don't listen, the universe has a way of kind of thumping you on the head um and forcing you to take a pause.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_04: Um and so one of those pivotal moments, I was traveling, we were rolling out an entire new program.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_04: I was traveling across the nation.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_04: Literally, I would fly out Sunday afternoon so I could be there and set up by 8 a.m.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_04: Monday morning.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and then I had to make sure that all of the stuff that I had created and we were rolling out made it to the next location, so you'd have to pack it up Friday afternoon, which meant I never caught the Friday night flight.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_04: I flew home Saturday morning.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_04: So I literally would have 24 hours at home um before I was heading to the next group.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_04: I did that for about a year.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_04: And what was crazy was I ended up having a medical event that required a mandatory seventh-week leave.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_04: Seven week wow, seven weeks.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_04: And that was my first major pause where I made major decisions.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, nope, I'm gonna take care of my health.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't want to be alone anymore.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_04: I might I might want to have a family, but I had no space or time that I allowed to take care of my health in the way that I needed to, or to even consider meeting someone um and having the opportunity to have a family.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_04: And as a result of that, I started making those shifts.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_04: I made the time I like I had the conversation where I'm like, I can't keep this travel up and here's what I propose of how I can still meet the business needs and my own needs.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_04: And what was crazy was the reality of how much I had developed and put so much pressure on myself.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, what?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_04: And so one of those pivotal moments was realizing that it doesn't have to be out of balance to be good, and that I needed to be the one to say what was my compass, what was my anger for how I would guide myself to have a balanced life to meet the needs of the business and my own personal needs.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's I mean, I feel like you were sharing this in a recent conversation, the power of the cause, and I think that that is, you know, exactly sometimes it's enforced upon class, right?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or it's a a giant life event that forces you to kind of reenvision or rethink or shift.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um one of our favorite authors that you and I share right now always talks about, but what if you didn't have to wait for that?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: What if you didn't have to have life life wonk you on the head or you know have the rug pulled out from under you?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: What if you could intentionally find space?
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think that's how we are taught to operate.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: How funny slash unsurprising is it that even a year ago we landed on this is not something that we're always taught to do.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's something we have to find for ourselves, whether it's out of necessity or a forcing.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: But both for Glenda and I, we would agree we would much prefer that women are asking these questions before they hit that wall, or before they have a medical event, or before, you know, the rug gets pulled out from under them.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think building these into our practices is what we both care deeply about for not just ourselves, but for the women that we're working with and chatting with and walking alongside.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: So just I think an encouragement for anyone listening that might not have these practices as part of your own way of thinking about your day or thinking about this next season of your life.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: This does not have to be some major upheaval.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's another really important perspective to include here.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: For some, it is.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: It needs to be a huge shift in the way you know they're thinking about their career or thinking about their daily life.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not always the case.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's something much more subtle.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is I'm missing this aspect in my career.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean I need a whole new career.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: It means I need to find ways to infuse that in my life, or it's finding a way to infuse it into my actual job or the way I'm building my business.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Really considering how these things are built within the system that we already have, it does not have to mean that everything gets blown up.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there can sometimes be this fear that if I start to allow myself the permission of asking these questions, that all of a sudden I'm gonna look at things and say, oh my God, nothing's working.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: I have not actually noticed that to be the case through so many of my conversations or the women that I work with.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it can happen and sometimes it's necessary, but it's not the truth for everyone.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: So something to be thinking about and considering if you're, you know, entering a new season in your own life or in the middle of some kind of inflection point.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which brings us to the second big theme and pattern that I continue to hear.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this idea of really building our self-trust and the inner work that comes from really allowing ourselves to trust that instinct and trust our gut and to not walk through the world with an arrogance of I know, you know, the answer to everything, but really listening to ourselves and hearing things with authenticity the first time, not second-guessing ourselves, not wondering if we're making the right choice and needing to get, you know, our jury of listeners to give us their perspective, but to be quiet enough and to be able to hear ourselves.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Someone that I interviewed, Brett, she is a psychic, a medium, someone who I met through an event where I saw her speak, and I just was blown away by her energy and her presence and the way she thinks about the world.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: And something she said that really struck me was that we're all psychic, and it's about honing into that inner knowing and that inner trust for ourselves.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: And this is continued to be one of the biggest ones for me.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: It is allowing myself to acknowledge when I can feel a pull.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: I felt this deeply when those three years ago, when I went straight into having interviews, because I was so freaked out about having lost my job and my financial stability.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was, oh god, I've got to get the next big thing.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: I can't have a gap in my resume.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, oh my god, I was, you know, freaking out.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I would tell you, after every single interview that I had, I had this full-body no, like you can't do it.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not you can't do it, like I wasn't capable, but I knew it wasn't the right choice for me, even as I was facing major financial concerns.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was just this can't happen right now.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's one of those clear moments that I can now identify as I listened to that and I didn't know what the answer was going to be for what was next.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: But listening to myself and allowing that to be true was one of the more critical moments of my life.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think Brett would tell you she would like to see more of that for women, and I think it would be really fun to hear from her.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: So let's meet Brett.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: You and I have talked about this a lot.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of women at that moment that are feeling like this and going, wait a second, what if I had listened to it all along?
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so no regret, but what does that mean for going forward?
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder if you are noticing any themes or patterns that you'd be willing to share specifically with women that are coming to you at this moment.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Are you hearing anything that would be interesting to share that you think is thematic?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like specifically at this middle age, if we want to call us that.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, girl, it's true.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_02: I think people are, and obviously I'm making a generalization here, but they are kind of realizing and looking back and reflecting at choices, like you're saying, okay, when I did this, this did work out.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: But then also reflecting back on all of those times when they were like, I knew I shouldn't have stayed with that guy for as long, or I knew I shouldn't have stayed in that job for long.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: I knew I knew I knew, but I didn't take action on it.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: Or I did take action on it and it worked out.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: So it's kind of seeing both ways.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel what I've been hearing lately is that because they've had these years of experience to show it's like they have more points of reflection to be like, okay, now maybe I can trust myself.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_02: I think more people are actually wanting and willing to take the action right now because I think people are getting into this, finally getting the ability within themselves, or at least the permission to prioritize themselves.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: People are really shifting identities right now and being like, oh, I don't have to be that other version of myself anymore.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm coming into a new version of myself, and I'm gonna give myself real permission to do that.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Brett is just one of those people I could listen to for hours.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: She has so much incredible wisdom and the way she looks at things and the way she helps guide folks.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: The next theme that I found to be so true across so many of these conversations is community as necessary infrastructure in our lives.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: And this was a massive one for me again those three years ago, when I learned that this is not a nice to have, this is a need to have.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: When I was working for that company and had so much of my community built in through the organization, when that was all stripped away, I truly had no idea how important it was to, not just from a, you know, friends and local community perspective, but people who are walking through a similar moment or have similar ambitions or have, you know, with work, you're all working towards a common goal, typically.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's the hope, anyways.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so when you don't have that and that goes missing, it was something, for me at least, I had no clue how critical that was.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: I ended up joining an executive coaching program that was based in communities.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you went into this program alongside others who were also trying to figure out their next move, whether it was in building their own business or finding the next career or next job title.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I had no idea how much I needed that.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: The coaching itself was, of course, important and helped move the needle so much quicker than had I tried to do it on my own.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: But it was that community aspect that just really added a layer that was so important at that stage and continues to be.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: I still now, two years later, after having come out of the program, there's a group of women.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Glenda, who you heard from earlier, is part of that.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's four of us who still meet every other week for an hour, every other Friday.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we've seen and supported each other through some major evolutions in the way we think about what we're doing and what we care about.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: And there is a level of trust that is built into that that I cannot, it is just absolutely invaluable and something that I will never take for granted again.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: And something that I continue to now see evolve even with this community of people.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: So with the show, I think I may have shared this in the past, but I now host a biannual dinner for women that have come on as guests of the show.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it is just the most incredible energy that comes from being around these women, from seeing them reflect each other.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I assign every woman that comes another woman's episode to listen to or watch and ask them to come ready to share something that they took away from that person's conversation.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: And completely unsurprisingly, but still blows my mind every time, these women come with notes.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like they are ready to go.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: They are ready to share some really incredibly beautiful things about a woman she's never met.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: And to be a mirror to each other, I think, in these seasons is such a critical component of our growth.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: And Tuesday, who I interviewed, she's an entrepreneur and marketing strategist.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: She shared something in our conversation around people sometimes being able to see you better than yourself.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's really true.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: So let's hear from Tuesday.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say to the person that's like, no, like that topic is already being covered by you know too many people?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: I have, I don't have anything unique to share.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_06: I mean, it is something that I personally struggle with.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_06: We all do.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I'm asking.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_06: It's so funny because you go through life and you're like, how remarkable is this life?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_06: It feels like every other life.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_06: Like it just it doesn't seem from the inside.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_06: I think sometimes we discount like the unique decisions that we might be making.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_06: And that's where having a community is so helpful because other people see you so differently.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_06: And sometimes they see you better than you see yourself.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_06: And so, you know, I think some of the best advice that that I've that I've heard that I've you know, I'm sure you've heard as well is you know, when they're teaching you how to advocate for yourself from a workplace standpoint, they're like, okay, imagine that you're a friend recommending yourself, right?
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_06: It's so much easier to recommend a friend and what you would say if you were typing them up.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_06: And then when it comes to yourself, you're like, I don't know.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_06: Sometimes I respond to emails on time.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_06: It's like it's like all of a sudden, this like great perspective that you have for this other person, it is hard to get hard to apply to yourself.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_06: And so I do think that having a community and hearing how other people see you can help you understand what your true unique contribution is.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: In listening to that clip, I am reminded that the way I got connected to Tuesday was through an incredible article that she had written and posted on LinkedIn.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: The title of it was The Most Powerful Generation of Women Just Stopped Caring What You Think.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so good.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it was such a thought piece on she's like a trend spotter and she thinks about marketing from a very specific lens.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: And we got to this conversation about the idea of permission.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I forgot to say this earlier, too, after Brett's clip, because she also used that word permission.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that this word continues to be interwoven throughout so many of these themes and patterns that I hear.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's women of a certain generation or at a certain moment in their career are no longer seeking permission externally.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: They are giving themselves permission to ask the thing, do the thing.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I say this a lot to the women that I work with.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's you know the answer already, it's in you, but you just have to give it permission to let it guide you and give yourself permission to really trust that.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: So this idea of permission just continues to come up, and I love it.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: I love that we're talking about it from a inner strength, not from an external asking.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that also really moves beautifully into the next theme, which is the idea of courage before confidence.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: So many of the best things that have happened over the last three years for me have been because I just went for something without having the confidence to back it up or necessarily the know-how.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: When I launched my business that summer of 2023, I incorporated my LLC with really no big strategy in mind, no big vision.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: It was just I knew I needed to do something positive for myself after that big implosion.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to put one foot in front of the other.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have a website I incorporated as build-in strategies, which if you're marketing savvy enough, you know that the logo then is BS.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I would have never done that had I thought too hard about it.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's evolved and things continue to get better.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the same thing with this show, right?
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: I I did not have a clear strategy or path, but it's become such an invaluable piece of what I do and what I care so much about.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it continues to evolve and change and shift.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so many of us that have a level of ambition also, it comes with a level of perfectionism or a level of it needs to look a certain way or feel a certain way before we're ready to give ourselves again permission to just do it.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my guests, Polly, she has a great reflection about that.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: I did not do great with the wide open pastures in the very beginning.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like I really was a great rule follower in my day-to-day, you know, nine to five, and I knew exactly how to position my day to be the most efficient, to do the things, and nothing wrong with that at all, but it does not apply to when you're out on your own.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: It just doesn't.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: You have to create those systems for yourself or you have to build new pillars, and it takes time.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it is not easy.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, it's it's uh it is one of those things when people, you know, ask about how do you most questions I get is just like, well, how did you do it?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's like a lot of people have like mental ideas of like they think they know what to do, but it's like somehow they could just can't sit down day after day and make themselves do it.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_03: And yes, um, I think the most motivating thing for me was the clarity that came.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, it was from um Alana's program from that lead program where we met at the conference, right?
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_03: Which was that action or clarity comes through action.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_03: And then I think I've just absorbed this from other places as well, that idea of like feel the fear, but do it anyway.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like the number of times, especially early days, I could feel myself and recognize, okay, I'm coming up with a reason I can't do X and recognizing that it's an excuse.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_03: And so you're like, oh man, like I'm really sorry, you're gonna have to do it scared.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: How great is that, right?
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: Feel the fear, but do it anyway.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think it is something that once you start building that muscle, it just it never gets easy per se, but it does feel easier.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: There is a level of acknowledging that once you walk through that fear and see that on the other side of it, you're fine, everything's okay, nothing you know fell apart in some major dramatic way.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: It is uh a critical muscle.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: A leader that I had years ago during COVID, actually, she said to everyone during a all staff meeting, when everyone was really troubled, these were early days of COVID, and she said something that I'll never forget, and it was, you are building a muscle that you don't even know you need yet.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think about that all the time.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: There were muscles that were built during that season for so many of us that we now use today that we didn't even know we would need, right?
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the same thing about this courage before confidence.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's you're building a muscle that every time you flex it, you know how to use it the next time you're facing something that feels a little scary.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, something else I want to say here too about these seasons when you're either navigating a shift or a change or an evolution or an inflection point is we also get to have some fun.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: We also need to allow ourselves to acknowledge that even though it can feel scary or there can be some really uncomfortable questions, one of the gifts that I wish desperately I would have given myself three years ago was the acknowledgement that it can also be exciting and it can also be fun.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what do we even do for fun?
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: I wrote a newsletter about this recently that we ask each other a lot, you know, what do you do?
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: But we don't necessarily ask, what do you do for fun?
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_00: And we certainly don't ask ourselves that question much anymore.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: So just a little side note that there should be that question, I think, in all of our practices as well, something I have not been great about recently is what am I doing to intentionally seek out fun in my life, even when things are hard or even when things feel heavy or overwhelming.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, the last theme that I want to leave you with here, and it's something that I hear, it's literally as I was going through the data and the transcripts of all these conversations, it's in I'd say 80 to 90 percent of the answers, some version of this is in the answer to my last question that I ask every woman on my show, which is what does building a legacy mean to you?
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: And the answer in so many ways is legacy is how you leave people.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: And everyone has their own version of this answer, but so many of them align to that principle and that foundation, and it's in the day-to-day of how we live.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's not this big thing that we're leaving behind, or you know, this thing that we're thinking about for when we die.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it can be all of that, but really it's in that day-to-day and how we live and how we're showing up for the people that we care about or the people that we come across.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: And my dear friend Patty, who I interviewed more recently, they are the CEO of an incredible organization that I was on the board of for six years.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: And Patty said something that I now will never forget, and it's something that I think about constantly, and it's something that I want to leave you with today because it's so beautiful and so simple.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to hear it from Patty first, and then I'll share a little bit of my reflection.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: So we just got to hear from you that you've spent, you know, um your entire career in a thread of centering people usually left out of power structures and out of these conversations.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: Can you name a moment that that thread became conscious for you rather than just instinct, right?
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because you you're talking about this from a perspective of this has kind of been your life, but I wonder if that's something that you always were aware of, or was there a moment that kind of calcified that for you?
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's such a good question.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think one of the things that um I think is sort of part of my DNA a little bit, I think is like every person that I've met in my life, like I find something that I love about them, and then I just love them.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that that sounds probably like really seriously?
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, it sounds really profound actually, because no, it's actually not that easy.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's not that easy, right?
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's complicated and we're flawed, and we have ways that we show up that are not that are sometimes harmful to other people, right?
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like that is a reality as um in who we are, but I think for me, I think I've always found something that I love about every person I've met, and really trying to ground myself in that, like that love um helps me show up.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if that was like a certain moment or time, but it's definitely developed over the years, and so any person I meet, I'm like, oh, I love their laugh, or oh, I love that the way they listen, or oh my god, I love the way they ask a follow-up question.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think I live in love most days, to be honest with you, and and that keeps my heart safe from the world that is around us, that's really been hard to live through.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: Not only for me, but for so many.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know, I think steeping in love, like a little um daily commitment that I make, I'm just trying to make sure folks feel that too.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_00: If that isn't the most beautiful way to say the thing, I find something I love about them and I love them.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it sounds so simple, but we all know that it's much more complicated than that.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: And to be very clear, Patty does some really challenging work and some really challenging spaces.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_00: So to hear them reflect it in such a simple and pristine and lovely way, it really did alter something in me, and it's something I think about every day, if not multiple times throughout my day.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that has just been one of the incredible gifts that I've received over the course of this year.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think about so many of these conversations now throughout my days, throughout my weeks, when I'm navigating something challenging, when I'm reaching a decision point, when I'm having a great day.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many gems of wisdom that now live in my soul and in my mind and in my heart.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I am just so, so, so, so grateful once again for all of these conversations.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I continue to be so excited about these conversations, and I really hope that you have been taking away some gifts that you carry with you.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'd love to hear from you as I think about what the next year of this series is gonna sound like and look like.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know what you like.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know what you're taking away, let me know what's resonating because I think it really helps me then think about, you know, what are the questions I want to be asking these women and how do I want to reflect that back and share it with you all.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_00: So please don't hesitate to reach out.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: It really, really, really means the world to me when I get to hear from folks and hear um what's working and what you want to hear more of.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day wherever you are, and happy birthday, kind of a big deal.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: Here's to the next year.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening and spending some of your time with me here.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: I hope our conversation sparked some new ideas for you.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed the episode, please make sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's next.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're ready for even more tools and stories, head on over to beldenstrategies.com slash newsletter.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: I share fresh insights, stories, and tools for women leaders every week.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep building, keep evolving, and remember that you are kind of a big deal.