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How did you find out you were adopted? · Anele and the Club on 947

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Wake up with a bang and the club on nine
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: four seven.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: So last week, I don't know if I can say this,
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: but I'm gonna say it. Ryan told us the story
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: about a family he knows where the sisters like, so
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: your mom and your aunt, correct, right, so quite elderly.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: But the adults in the room, sisters were having a
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: back and forth and they're having a fight, and they
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: having a fight, and then the child who's about sixteen
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: years old, stepped in to be like, guys, come.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: On, you know, like, you know, pipe, calm down now.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: You don't need to you needn't need to be part
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: of this.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Aunt turns around and says, hey, why don't you keep quiet?
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Did she tell you that you're adopted?
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: Like, in the heat of the moment, says something she
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: obviously shouldn't have said.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: A terrible woman. That by the way, terrible woman.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: But I was just like, no, this doesn't happen, and
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Ryan said it happened. I said, no, this, this cannot happen.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: That's not how peop but would find out if they adopted.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: And Ryan was like, that's how it happened. Timidilly, why
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: you look at those smoke?
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, because this does happen. Guys.
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: That's why you must for family gatherings, always leave before
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: the arguments start if you don't want to hear something
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: that pertains to your existence. Because someone is like, oh,
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: you're the little peacemaker. Let me tell you about Frankie,
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: who you're defending.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: So we had about what was biology.
• 1:26
  Speaker 5: Then a teacher at school who was telling us we
• 1:27
  Speaker 5: were learning genetics, and he said he had put his
• 1:30
  Speaker 5: foot on net and I don't know if it's true,
• 1:32
  Speaker 5: like how true the story is, but he said, you
• 1:34
  Speaker 5: can't have blue eyes if your parents have brown eyes.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: We've both of them have by lines.
• 1:39
  Speaker 5: So he had yeah, so he has done this at
• 1:41
  Speaker 5: a previous school. And one of the kids of the
• 1:42
  Speaker 5: class put up their hand and said, but my eyes
• 1:44
  Speaker 5: are blue and both my parents have brown eyes. And
• 1:47
  Speaker 5: as a joke, you and all you're adopted Annie Buento
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: and he was adopted.
• 1:50
  Speaker 6: Oh is that true? From what?
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: I don't know if he was maybe just trying to
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: explain genetics to us, but we were all like.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Oh, give that teacher not attain for creative writing. If
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: it's not true, I'm going to believe the story. I'm
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: gonna go ahead and believe it. Let's put it to
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: the test.
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: If you've got blue eyes and both your parents have
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: brown eyes, please this afternoon, how quick can you get
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: to a Lancet laboratory and ask stop?
• 2:15
  Speaker 7: Oh?
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: One one eight thirty eight ninety four seven. Which brings
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: me to this conversation that I'd like to have.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: How did you find out you were adopted?
• 2:24
  Speaker 6: Yeah? This is obviously a sensitive matter.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I think some people are very open
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: about I have friends who have adopted, and they've been
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: very open with the kids about it.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I think that's how I would do it if I
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: ever had to go to the adoption route, I would
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: tell that kid from word from the time that they're
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: old enough to understand.
• 2:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, that you know what.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Some some kids come biologically, but some of some gifts
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: from God really do not come that way. But you
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: are here now, and you are lowed. Do you know
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. I think i'd go that way because
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I know my families.
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: But I get why some parents may not want to
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: tell the kids, especially if you, let's say, adopt an infant,
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: do you know what I mean? Where they they don't
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: know of any other parent, any other family, and maybe
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: you're thinking you don't want them to live with the
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: questions about the biological parents. Why do they give me
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: up at this longing that some people actually live with
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: into adulthood and eventually try to find their biological parents.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Do you not think more damage is done when you
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: find out and you're thirty two and you guys are
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: in a fight and somebody tells you that you adopted.
• 3:22
  Speaker 6: I wouldn't tell anyone. Well, yes, I think more damage
• 3:26
  Speaker 6: is done.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: But I can see how this happens because I think
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: a lot of parents, if you, especially like timically says,
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: if you're adopting a baby that does it's not an
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: issue until the baby is much older. So you guys
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: just leave it because you're like, ah, we'll deal with
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: it later. And then sixteen, at sixteen, the uncle says something,
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: and now it's as yeah.
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: Like, well, some kids, we don't tell you that your
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: dad is a dead beet, just so he died, Remember
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: that's what you want? Oh yeah, true, you did when
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: you're with two. Meanwhile, he's a deadbeat.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Oh one one, eight thirty eight, nine four seven.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: How did you find out were adopted? Or somebody you
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: know close to you was.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: It a conversation that was had with them from word goal.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: So by the time they were three four years old
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: old enough to understand, they knew that mommy and daddy
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: are not the mummy and daddy. You know that is
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: the same for many other children?
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Or was it a secret? And then now you're there.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: You know, first in rugby, and you find out you
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: don't you break a tone, you need a blood trumspart
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: and they're like, no.
• 4:24
  Speaker 6: Not gonna happen.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Mommy and daddy are not the ones zero eighty four
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: double zero double zero nine four seven. And another conversation
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: to have around this is if you were in that situation,
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: when do you think you would tell the child from
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: word go or would it just be something you give
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: them on their twenty first birthday?
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: I don't know, like, yeah, obviously we were talking about
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: an extreme example. Yeah, but maybe you would just want
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: to tell us how your parents told you that you
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: were adopted?
• 4:49
  Speaker 6: Right? What does that and what happened? What was the process?
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Call text? What'spp all of it? We are very interested
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: promise you.
• 4:55
  Speaker 8: I had a Collie hit a couple of years ago
• 4:58
  Speaker 8: who's parents had both sadly coasted and he was trying
• 5:02
  Speaker 8: to immigrate to go overseas and through the immigration process
• 5:09
  Speaker 8: found out that actually he was adopted.
• 5:12
  Speaker 9: I was adopted when I was a baby. My mother
• 5:15
  Speaker 9: told us when I was about maybe twelve thirteen. I
• 5:18
  Speaker 9: can't exactly remember what HL was, and she told me,
• 5:22
  Speaker 9: if I want to look for my biological mother, I
• 5:27
  Speaker 9: can do that. I think after when I was eighteen,
• 5:30
  Speaker 9: I was looking for it, and I met it when
• 5:33
  Speaker 9: I was twenty seven.
• 5:35
  Speaker 6: It's a long time to look for someone well.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: And that's another thing now.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I just think it just becomes your focus and it
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: consumes you, right. And I think that's why a lot
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: of parents don't tell their kids that they are adopted,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: because sooner or later, the age will be there where
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: you just want to I want to talk to them.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: I want to find out what these circumstances was for
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: them to, you know, you know, give me up for
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: me to be adopted.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: A friend of mine's adopted and he doesn't care to
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: do that at oor. Yeah, his parents are his parents
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: stands up there.
• 6:03
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's been forty years.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: You'll be good out there, exactly. You'll be good out there, Vanessa.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: You and Rutapen, you say you were adopted at three
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: days old.
• 6:13
  Speaker 7: Good morning, then Millia in the class.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Good morning, Vanessa, have been Monday.
• 6:18
  Speaker 7: I'm good in you relaxed.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: There's nothing happy about this Monday lex. Come on, girl,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: come back, come all the.
• 6:26
  Speaker 7: Way Monday A minute.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, Vanessa, you were three days old. You gotta you
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: were giving up your parents adopted you when you're three
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: days old.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Oh well, you must have been so cute, that's correct.
• 6:40
  Speaker 7: So I was actually born in Dubin and brought up
• 6:43
  Speaker 7: three days old to Joe book.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, and when when? When were you told you
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: were adopted?
• 6:50
  Speaker 7: So funny enough. When I was in grade six or seven,
• 6:54
  Speaker 7: we had counselors at school that were talking about adoption.
• 6:58
  Speaker 7: And I came home and I said to my mom,
• 7:00
  Speaker 7: you know, how do kids do this? And then my
• 7:03
  Speaker 7: mom asked me questions about adoption, whether it affects me,
• 7:06
  Speaker 7: and then she realized that she needs to call in
• 7:08
  Speaker 7: the family and tell me. So I found out in
• 7:10
  Speaker 7: grade seven.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: And okay, when you say calls in the family, who
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: was they at that moment?
• 7:16
  Speaker 7: So my uncle, my aunt's just the immediate family that
• 7:20
  Speaker 7: knew about it.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, And did you have siblings who weren't adopted, so
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: we were eight biological siblings.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: I was the sixth No, no, no, so your your
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: adoptive parents.
• 7:34
  Speaker 7: No no, I'm the only child.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: Okay, all right, And how did you feel about it?
• 7:40
  Speaker 7: I was quite excited. I was happy. I think because
• 7:44
  Speaker 7: of the counseling session I had. It never really affected
• 7:46
  Speaker 7: me and I never really had the drive to go
• 7:49
  Speaker 7: look for my biological parents.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, but you but you know you have enough information
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: about them to know that your biological parents had eight children.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 7:58
  Speaker 7: They also stay in Durban. Funny enough. My parents used
• 8:02
  Speaker 7: to take me to Chapel Center and my biological dad
• 8:06
  Speaker 7: was a car god and apparently I used to give
• 8:08
  Speaker 7: him money and I never knew that.
• 8:10
  Speaker 6: Whow So you actually have made them, but you don't
• 8:12
  Speaker 6: know you didn't know?
• 8:14
  Speaker 7: Yes?
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: And now do you have kids?
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: I know?
• 8:18
  Speaker 7: Not yet and I'm still rolling the single lives.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: God, don't fly that flag, fly that flag, Vanessa.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: Have you met your your biological siblings or not not yet?
• 8:32
  Speaker 7: Frankie, not yet?
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: But aren't you scared you're gonna end up dating them?
• 8:37
  Speaker 7: Not at all, Not at.
• 8:38
  Speaker 10: All, not at all.
• 8:40
  Speaker 7: I think I think there should be some resemblance somewhere.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Hey Michael, we've watched movies.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: Vanessa, We've watched movies.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: My husband and I look like siblings. I'm just gonna put.
• 8:52
  Speaker 7: It out there right now, if I ever crossed that bridge,
• 8:56
  Speaker 7: you will be the first to know.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Just just be careful with your goods. That's all I'm saying.
• 9:03
  Speaker 7: No, definitely, Nissa, Thank you.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: So much for the call. This was very special.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Thank you for your own having We love you by
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: Pluss bronwen Here.
• 9:12
  Speaker 11: I was adopted from birth. My parents were very open
• 9:17
  Speaker 11: with myself and my sister. We knew from as soon
• 9:20
  Speaker 11: as we could understand that we were adopted. At the
• 9:24
  Speaker 11: age of thirty two, I decided to seek out my
• 9:30
  Speaker 11: birth mom and I found her and if I had
• 9:35
  Speaker 11: to adopt, I would be very honest with my child.
• 9:39
  Speaker 7: I'm adopted, and I found out by my grandmother actually
• 9:43
  Speaker 7: when I was old enough, about five years old, and
• 9:47
  Speaker 7: I kept telling my parents Mom and.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Dad, and she pointed out, they're not your parents.
• 9:51
  Speaker 12: Why do you call them that?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Well, you're gonna die.
• 9:55
  Speaker 7: They disowned her for a bit and told her to
• 9:57
  Speaker 7: get her act together before coming back. And it was
• 10:01
  Speaker 7: actually part of experience.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: What a witch.
• 10:05
  Speaker 6: That's terrible.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Good morning, Josh and Alberton. Welcome to an Alien the Club.
• 10:11
  Speaker 12: Morning morning.
• 10:12
  Speaker 6: How are you guys?
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Good Josh, how are you like? A?
• 10:16
  Speaker 12: Thanks?
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: So tell us when did you find out you were adopted?
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: So?
• 10:21
  Speaker 12: My mom was also very open from the word go
• 10:25
  Speaker 12: told me straight away from what I can understand, and yeah,
• 10:32
  Speaker 12: probably about five six?
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Okay? And how old are you now?
• 10:38
  Speaker 12: I'm now city one.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: And let's say you had to adopt, when would you
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: tell the kids? Would you follow your mom's route of
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: five six?
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: Or yeah?
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Okay? Why do you think that?
• 10:47
  Speaker 12: Is it just it just helps because it is a
• 10:51
  Speaker 12: it's not an immediate traumatic response, but it is traumatic
• 10:55
  Speaker 12: for the child to learn, you know, you're not my
• 11:00
  Speaker 12: real parents paraphrase.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Because also, I think when you find out later in life,
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: it's it's it's never it's people weaponizing it. It's somebody
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: like setting scores, it's somebody trying to hurt you.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: I can imagine it, because you can feel betrayed if
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: you find out later. And ye, because now we've been
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: living this, we've.
• 11:19
  Speaker 6: Been living a lie. We haven't been living a lie.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: We're still a family, normal family, as with every family.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: But I can imagine that you're like, oh, this is
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: the thing you could have told me, Mom.
• 11:28
  Speaker 12: Yeah, because then it also makes you question a lot
• 11:30
  Speaker 12: of other things. Yes, parents telling us to be open
• 11:34
  Speaker 12: and honors to seek this, but by not telling us,
• 11:37
  Speaker 12: it's a long less.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: And also I believe there's a lot of things you
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: will keep to yourself right as a child, but.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: It irks you.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: But sometimes your parents are tall and you are short. Right, Oh,
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: they've got certain noses and you don't have it.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: And you you go your whole life like, I wonder
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: why I'm not like this?
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I wonder and it's like a niggli think that's at
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: the back of your mind. And then you find out
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: later in your forties that you were adopted.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: So then you then you backtrack and.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: You're just like, oh, but on that time and in
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: this time, and so much makes sense and they could
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: have just told you from word go.
• 12:08
  Speaker 12: But at your mo mom had a different state of
• 12:10
  Speaker 12: fears when it came to the whole adoption thing. She
• 12:16
  Speaker 12: was scared that I date my sister.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: See now that's a that's another thing.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: And have you, Josh, have you that your sister. Okay, sorry, Josh,
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: you're back. We lost you there for a second. Have
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: you dated your sister?
• 12:34
  Speaker 12: No, I have definitely not dated my sister.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: You keep that up, Josh, Yeah, yeah.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Josh.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Clodia and Orbington, good morning, good morning.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: How are you were good? Clordia, how are you fine?
• 12:50
  Speaker 10: Thank you? You say.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: Very go for it.
• 12:55
  Speaker 10: I'm saying that I think is a myth. Really, myself
• 13:00
  Speaker 10: both my son is green eyes.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Say that again, you're breaking yourself and your ex husband.
• 13:08
  Speaker 10: We both have brown eyes, and my daughter has blue
• 13:12
  Speaker 10: eyes and my son has green eyes.
• 13:14
  Speaker 6: Uh huh oh.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: But Frankie actually did the research and it's apparently the
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: other way around.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: Hey, frank well, I don't know about research. I just
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: did a perfunctly google search. Chat you no, I google this,
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: let me just quickly find I want to find it again.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: So apparently, like you say, the brown eyes thing is
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: not true. You can with two brown eyes, you can
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: have all the color eyes absolutely. Then with a blue
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: and a brown eye you you won't have green eyes,
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: is apparently the thing.
• 13:43
  Speaker 6: And then with.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: Two blue eyes, having a brown eyed baby is very rare,
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: and a green eyed baby is very but now once
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: again I would I would check this research.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: I'm just googling it, but luckily telling us that she
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: is literally the proof that that thing is.
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: A exactly two brown eyes, blue eyed baby. And your son.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: You said your son is green eyes.
• 14:04
  Speaker 10: My son's got green eyes.
• 14:06
  Speaker 6: It's possible, ray, but possible.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Hi guys, black person over here, Yes, brown eyes all
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: around the side.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Thank you, say you by.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Now it's back to making your morning in La and
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: the Club on nine four seven