Latest / Just Be True ~ A Soul-Led Podcast / The Power of Hope: Rewriting Guilt, Shame, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

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The Power of Hope: Rewriting Guilt, Shame, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves · Just Be True ~ A Soul-Led Podcast

0:00
Welcome to Just Be True. I'm so glad you're here
0:02
and today I had the amazing pleasure to sit down
0:05
with Steve for a heartfelt powerful conversation
0:10
on moving from rock bottom to true self -love.
0:14
Steve is amazing and he lives in Oregon with
0:16
his wife and his three -year -old and for 20
0:19
years he was a blackout drinker completely disconnected
0:23
from himself in a way that it took decades to
0:27
fully understand. And over seven years ago, Steve
0:30
discovered the true recovery goes far beyond
0:34
putting down a drink. It's about healing underlying
0:38
trauma, rewriting old stories of guilt and shame,
0:43
and rediscovering that innate peace within. Through
0:48
radical self -compassion and spiritual healing,
0:51
he transformed his life, proving that no matter
0:55
how dark the road has been, hope real and lasting
1:01
and change is possible for anyone willing to
1:05
take that first step and sometimes that first
1:08
step is the hardest. He's a founder of Recovery
1:11
Revolution, a community sharing that message
1:14
and he now helps others find their way back to
1:18
themselves. Whether you're struggling through
1:21
addiction, anxiety, anger or grief, he can help
1:26
you show the way. Hey, welcome back to Just Be
1:33
True A Soul -led podcast. Before we dive in,
1:36
if you're new here, go ahead and hit subscribe
1:38
so you don't miss future episodes, and drop a
1:40
like if you're excited for this one. Also, if
1:43
anything in today's episode resonates, and you
1:46
want to talk it through with Summer directly,
1:48
there's a Let's Talk link in the show notes to
1:50
schedule a free discovery call. Alright, let's
1:53
get into it! Hi, welcome everybody back to Just
2:06
Be True, a soul -led podcast. I'm so excited
2:09
you're here today, and I am so thrilled to be
2:13
able to introduce Steve. Steve, welcome. Hi,
2:17
thanks for having me. Hi, thank you. It's amazing.
2:22
I feel totally blessed. So I love your story.
2:26
And being able to go beyond, you know, I kind
2:29
of want to say like your recovery story and being
2:32
able to go the 12 steps and beyond. And what
2:35
that kind of looked like for you and your your
2:42
journey, I guess, is a good way. Yeah, certainly
2:46
been a journey. Absolutely. And so tell us where
2:50
this all started for you. Like tell it like.
2:53
Like when you realized you needed more and you
2:57
started stepping into that more, tell us more
3:00
about what that looked like for you. Yeah, yeah,
3:02
I'll give you, I'll back up a little, give the
3:05
viewers some context. So basically I spent about
3:11
20 years as an active alcoholic with blackout
3:17
drinking, did a lot of silly, ill -advised things
3:24
created a lot of havoc a lot of self -imposed
3:27
trauma just was just kind of a mess if I were
3:33
to put into one word for about 20 years and I
3:39
finally hit that I guess that they called a rock
3:43
bottom where it was kind of a choice I had to
3:48
make right am I gonna keep going down this passive
3:52
path of self -destruction, or am I going to try
3:55
recovery and really take it seriously? Because
3:58
I tried recovery a few times throughout those
4:01
20 years, and it just didn't stick. I wasn't
4:04
ready. The one thing I've learned is the addict
4:08
really needs to be ready for that change. If
4:12
they're not committed to it, it's not going to
4:14
work. It's just not. Had this moment of clarity
4:22
and I went to you know to AA to 12 step meetings
4:26
and I you know did well there and I and was there
4:29
for about two and a half years and But the one
4:33
thing that I started to notice over time Not
4:37
just about the group itself. And by the way,
4:40
I don't want to disparage You know the group
4:43
or the people that have had success there. Oh,
4:45
absolutely People there was nothing before that
4:49
so the founders of modern recovery in a way.
4:54
But as I'll explain, in my opinion, I think what
4:58
they do, what their methodology is outdated in
5:01
some ways, or at least more accurately didn't
5:05
work for me fully. And I began to realize that
5:09
there were people in there that were sober for
5:13
long periods of times, but they didn't seem happy.
5:16
And they were kind of jerks and a -holes and
5:19
just not sometimes not the kindest people and
5:22
I thought to myself I don't want to be that person
5:25
and um you know as you as you can imagine there
5:30
were a lot of people there in and out I mean
5:31
their success rates were low and I was trying
5:34
to and I and I just didn't want to be another
5:37
number I didn't want to be um you know this kind
5:42
of miserable kind of dry drunk and so I started
5:46
to explore other Healing modalities, you know,
5:49
I would go see intuitive healers people that
5:55
did all sorts of different modalities like Reiki
5:58
and sound healing and all sorts of things like
6:01
that. And that's really where I kind of led me
6:02
is definitely down a more spiritual path and
6:06
spiritual healing and It started to occur to
6:10
me that the the real Problem was not alcohol
6:16
and some people in recovery will talk about this
6:19
that that's really the solution Right, right
6:23
feeling something inside that is is Makes you
6:27
feel uneasy and you need to find a solution,
6:30
right? So in fact something someone explained
6:34
something recently to me that was really interesting
6:36
and it was about like your brain in addiction
6:43
is is trying to is trying to do the compassionate
6:46
thing. It's trying to stop the pain. So from
6:50
a physiological standpoint, it's actually like,
6:54
it thinks that numbing the pain is the right
6:57
solution. So that's why it's not like an evil
7:01
thing. It's like your body's kind of doing what
7:04
it naturally would kind of do. Now that's one
7:07
tool of many tools and it wasn't the right tool,
7:10
clearly. But when you think about it, from that
7:13
perspective, it's easier to have compassion for
7:15
people with addictions, because your body's just
7:17
doing what it naturally would do, is avoiding
7:19
pain, right? So anyway, but I began to realize
7:29
that the real problem wasn't alcohol. Alcohol
7:32
was my solution to the problem. The real root
7:34
of the problem was how I felt about myself. And
7:37
what I've noticed throughout the years is that
7:40
people that are in addiction usually have one
7:43
of two, if not both, of these two things. One
7:46
is some sort of trauma in their life. And trauma
7:50
has many faces. So it could be something very
7:53
significant, like a PTSD or a death in the family.
7:57
It could be something like, you know, abuse or
8:02
something really awful like that. But also, in
8:05
my case, it was mostly like me Kind of traumatizing
8:09
myself and a lot of negative self -talk. And
8:12
then the other thing that happens is when you
8:14
are In addiction you do stupid things and there
8:21
Is how horrible the person you think you are
8:25
and it gets worse and worse and worse and worse
8:27
So that's why it's longer in addiction the harder
8:30
it is to get out in my opinion because it's you
8:32
You build up this narrative this story that you're
8:35
this awful person and you're really not story
8:38
that you're telling yourself. So I think the
8:40
self -love kind of component is the other part
8:43
that is usually very present in addiction. So
8:47
my thought was, okay, how do I heal that or how
8:50
do I resolve that within myself? I kind of did
8:53
a very radical and focused journey of self -healing
9:00
and self -love and trying to resolve the trauma
9:05
that I cause, the trauma I cause other people.
9:08
And try to amends for that and try to resolve
9:11
that and that was the key once I started focusing
9:14
on that the the change within me was was pretty
9:19
radical and I it's been over seven years now
9:24
and I've never had a thought a serious thought
9:26
in any way of Life that I used to have my life
9:29
is so different now and so much more more blessed
9:33
right that it would be like I can't Imagine a
9:37
scenario where I go back there unless like everything
9:41
that I love was taken away from me simultaneously
9:43
or something like that. Like I don't even think
9:45
you would go back there then because you have
9:48
now a nice foundation to deal with that. Yeah.
9:52
There's no real scenario. I could see where I
9:56
would ever want to go back there. I want to go
9:59
back. Good. And I have too many. I have too many
10:04
tools in my arsenal to be able to handle pretty
10:06
much anything Yeah, and those tools are important.
10:10
There's a couple of things that you hit on that
10:12
I kind of want to go a little bit deeper in Yeah,
10:14
and so and you know, especially One is the addiction
10:19
part of it. So the addiction is not I just want
10:21
to clarify for you know, our listeners I was
10:24
like addiction can be many things. It could be
10:27
overeating. It could be not eating it could be
10:31
you know, alcohol or drugs, it could also be
10:34
like, um, doing dangerous things to get that,
10:39
to get that feeling of a high, that dopamine
10:43
effect. Yeah. And so there's a lot of doom scrolling
10:47
gets you little mini spikes of dopamine, which
10:50
is why you have to keep doing it for a long time.
10:53
The big one in the huge girl, the fastest growing
10:56
addiction that I've seen, unfortunately is, is
10:58
is porn slash masturbation, especially in young
11:01
men, because they have access to it. That, you
11:05
know, when I was a kid, the Internet wasn't around
11:12
really. And especially, you know, pornography.
11:15
So you had to go get a magazine or something.
11:18
So it's become really, really bad where I'm part
11:23
of some. groups and and subreddits and things
11:27
like that and it's it's like I feel like every
11:30
day it's like more and more people are like asking
11:32
for help to to stop and It's it's this from a
11:37
physiological standpoint. It's kind of this It's
11:39
basically the same thing as any other addiction
11:41
whether it's drugs as to your point eating I
11:44
mean people are addicted to love people are codependent.
11:47
I mean, there's so many things And it all is
11:50
the same goal of like there there's a there's
11:52
a dis -ease Inside them that we're trying to
11:55
resolve and they that doing the action or the
11:58
addiction is what? Brings them a little bit of
12:01
relief, you know the one thing I love this this
12:06
idea that I don't know if you remember how much
12:09
you remember about your early childhood, but
12:12
Especially in a healthy home You know, you didn't
12:16
have any worries. You weren't thinking about
12:18
work or where your next meal was gonna come from
12:21
or a house or you're so self you're so present
12:28
and you're just doing your whatever kind of naturally
12:32
feels good and you're just in this kind of like
12:35
serenity and blissful state all the time for
12:38
the most part right right yeah I think that everyone
12:41
is chasing that I think as we get older we chase
12:45
we want to go back and find that feeling again
12:48
And honestly, the only way to get there is to,
12:53
you got to, you know, what is a child? Child
12:57
is full of love. They're full of self love. They
12:59
don't have, you know, they don't have a, they
13:02
don't paint this stories or negative narratives
13:05
about themselves, you know? So we have to undo
13:08
everything we've learned in that capacity to
13:09
get back there. And I think that's what you're
13:12
saying openly. That's the high that people are
13:13
is that, that. because that's what you like when
13:17
you take that first sip or that first shot of
13:19
whatever drugs or You know video you watch you
13:23
get a little bit of a I Can understand that I
13:33
used to be a cigarette smoker so I understand
13:35
that yeah the beer the first sip is like Like
13:42
yeah, and you're chasing that and it never it
13:44
never gets better than that that little right?
13:46
You know what I mean? That little moment. Yeah.
13:49
No, I totally understand. It just doesn't exist.
13:52
I mean, it exists, but it's it's it's you're
13:55
going about the wrong way. Right. And so, yes.
14:00
And so like, you know, it's like the pain. So
14:02
like a lot of times we're trying to forget the
14:05
pain like our brain. And I also think our nervous
14:08
system is trying to like forget the pain. But
14:13
what I've discovered along my own journey is
14:16
It's not about forgetting the pain. It's about
14:20
healing that pain. So instead of drowning it
14:24
out with, you know, activities and substance
14:28
is about acknowledging it, accepting it, loving
14:31
it and letting it go. Yeah. Allowing it like
14:35
feeling it. Yeah. I heard somebody mentioned
14:39
once. I can't remember where it came from the
14:41
quote, but it was like, you know, you know, Feelings
14:46
don't always tickle. I think it was from the
14:48
movie ordinary people, but it was something along
14:52
those lines of like, you know, if you're going
14:55
to feel things, it's not always doesn't always
14:57
tickle. It's like you're going to have some bad
15:00
stuff, but that's OK. That's part of the human
15:03
experience. That's how you get through it. Yeah,
15:06
I go through not around. Right. Yes. You got
15:10
to go through it. Like yes, you got a head first
15:13
go through it and and deal with it and also and
15:16
I love the fact that you also mentioned that
15:18
you learned to love yourself during this process
15:20
as well. Yeah and bring it in that self -love
15:25
and so if we were talking to others who were
15:29
you know, I hear all the time People say, you
15:34
know, I'll be like, well, you know, give yourself
15:36
some love, you know love and appreciate yourself
15:39
and I hear people that are struggling there be
15:41
like Well, I I love myself and they say it with
15:45
a big question mark around it. Yeah Well, they
15:48
don't know how Right. Yeah, and the best way
15:53
is How do you you ask them? How do you love others?
15:57
They said oh, hey everyone quick break to share
16:01
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16:09
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16:12
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16:14
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16:17
the link in the show notes to join today. Now
16:20
back to the episode. Well, I say nice things
16:24
to them. I do these things for them. I give them
16:28
a hug. Well, why don't you just do that? Turn
16:30
around and do it for yourself. You can give yourself
16:32
a hug. That's a powerful thing to do is like
16:35
a real genuine like self -hug say nice things
16:38
yourself. I can't Words are so powerful. I can't
16:42
I do a lot of I really have a big believer of
16:45
affirmation because I think that what they do
16:48
is they really wire your subconscious beliefs
16:51
because when the person you mentioned that or
16:55
You know that generalization you said about someone
16:57
says well, I love myself. It's because there's
17:00
this conflict about what they like the conscious
17:02
mind and the subconscious mind. If the subconscious
17:05
mind thinks I'm not lovable or I'm not enough
17:08
or whatever, like that's where the problem is.
17:12
And that's why I think a lot of people, I think
17:14
quite a few people struggle with that. So I think
17:16
doing things like mirror work, affirmations,
17:20
things like that can really be powerful if done
17:23
consistently over a few weeks. Like you're going
17:25
to get radical, radical change. When I started
17:28
doing affirmations twice a day, Within two or
17:31
three weeks. It was like it was a significant
17:33
difference in how I felt about myself like he
17:36
was measurable difference Right and it can be
17:40
if you're doing it, right, you know I think I
17:42
think affirmations you need to make sure that
17:45
you find an affirmation that connects with you
17:47
that you connect with and it's not just saying
17:50
it it's Continuing to say it until not only you
17:55
believe it but till you feel it. Yeah Yeah, it's
17:59
that feeling of that affirmation is when it really
18:02
starts I heard a good tip for that, which is
18:06
let's say the affirmation is I am enough So the
18:10
thing to do beforehand is to think about a time
18:12
where you did feel enough Maybe it was when you
18:15
were a child Maybe it was a very certain like
18:18
memory you have but tune into that feeling that
18:21
memory And then say it because that like you
18:24
said it's connecting the tip the thought or the
18:26
words to the feeling, which is how it really
18:29
like sinks in and is powerful. Yeah, I love that.
18:34
So so Steve, tell me a little bit about like
18:37
your journey along your self -love, like some
18:39
of the hardest things that you had to accept
18:42
or overcome in your own self -love journey in
18:47
your healing process. I think the hardest thing
18:50
was the resolving guilt shame and regret Those
18:58
are you know people say that like all feelings
19:00
are okay. I don't think those feelings are okay
19:03
I think those are ones we can do without like
19:05
things like anger and sadness and things Those
19:07
are fine like that everyone has those but I think
19:09
when you feel guilt and shame and regret Like
19:12
I don't think we have a place for those but I
19:14
had a lot of things a lot of damage that I had
19:16
done and a lot of people I'd hurt and I think
19:19
that was the hardest part was to realize that
19:24
a That was an old version of myself that did
19:28
those things. Two, that's not who I am now. And
19:33
three, ultimately, it's not who I am, period,
19:37
because I'm not a... I mean, this experience
19:40
on this plane as a human is just a very brief
19:45
moment of this role we're playing. But ultimately,
19:48
I'm a powerful divine being. And... a soul that's
19:55
infinite and is connected to everyone in the
19:57
world and everyone in the universe. And if you
19:59
think about things from that perspective, like
20:02
your, it's a lot, I found that it's a lot easier
20:05
to kind of resolve those old feelings about it
20:10
that way. But yeah, definitely the, it took me
20:13
a while to get over some of the, you know, the
20:15
damage I had caused, but you know, you do your
20:18
best to make amends when you can. try to mend
20:23
what you tore. What a mend is, it's not an apology.
20:29
It's a mending. You're mending what you broke.
20:37
So I would say that would probably have been
20:39
the hardest part. And then I think the other
20:42
thing was to really accept that I'm OK. Just
20:50
the way I am like there's nothing wrong with
20:52
me. There's nothing broken about me There's you
20:55
know what I mean? Like a lot of people have this
20:57
narrative the story that they were either taught
21:00
or told themselves from the past either parent
21:03
or loved one or someone they trusted this Put
21:06
the story in their head that they're you know,
21:08
they're they're not safe. They're not enough.
21:10
They're not loved They're not this they're not
21:12
that and It you've been living it with this story
21:17
for so long. It's hard to just like Let that
21:20
story go. But the story isn't real. It's not
21:22
an absolute truth. You know, the absolute truth
21:25
is you're a powerful, divine being that is here
21:29
for a reason and you have a purpose. You know,
21:32
yes. Once you're able to kind of. Understand
21:37
that it helps getting through those things. I
21:40
think a lot easier. It's not and it's not something
21:42
that just happens overnight. I mean, this this
21:44
is like a ongoing journey for me. I still struggle
21:47
with things. I'm not perfect. i mean yeah i mean
21:50
yeah but it's it's uh it's a process but it's
21:56
it's one that um you know i i think if if you
22:01
would ask me like what's the one thing i want
22:03
to tell people especially struggling with addiction
22:05
is there's hope i was I hated myself. I thought
22:09
I was never going to ever feel better. I felt
22:12
connected from everyone and felt different and
22:14
weird and no one loved me and all these sort
22:17
of things. And I've come so far. And there's
22:19
and you can to anyone can really. And I understand
22:24
how you feel, you know. And then so, you know,
22:28
why you're doing, you know, for a lot of people,
22:31
what I'm hearing is that they wish they had others
22:33
to connect with and others to. You know talk
22:38
about these things with you know, what advice
22:42
would you give somebody who's looking for? That
22:47
community or someone to share with Well, I definitely
22:51
think I think there's three pillars to happiness
22:55
one is self -love one is purpose Third is community
23:00
and finding people that really care about you
23:02
and love you just the way you are And I would
23:05
say like the communities exist. It's just you
23:07
have to sometimes look for them. Some people
23:10
find them in 12 step programs because they're
23:12
surrounded by people that understand what they're
23:14
dealing with. Other people find it online that
23:18
there's local communities, there's meetups you
23:21
can join. I would say that you have to get over
23:24
the fear of putting yourself out there and being
23:26
vulnerable and just go and find them. It's hard
23:32
to be yourself. because you feel like you're
23:34
going to be judged or rejected and that, but
23:38
you're not going to find the community unless
23:40
you do that. You have to put out your own self
23:43
and you'll find them. If you set that intention
23:45
and like your higher self in here, your spiritual
23:51
team will help you find the group. Trust me.
23:54
Yeah, absolutely. So I learned, um, I mean, I've
23:59
always had a problem with vulnerability and showing
24:01
my weaknesses. But then I got into a leadership
24:05
position in a job, in a career that I had, I'll
24:08
say a career, but I was in a leadership position.
24:12
And when I was in that leadership position, I
24:14
discovered that it was more important than ever
24:18
to show my vulnerability to my employees, because
24:22
that way they knew that I was a real person,
24:25
right? And I had it. That's courage. Courage.
24:28
not being brave, courage is being scared and
24:31
doing it anyway. Yeah. And so I think, yeah,
24:34
I think, you know, being able to show your vulnerabilities
24:37
does show a lot of courage and it lets people
24:39
be able to relate to you because none of us are
24:42
perfect. And if somebody is showing a perfect
24:45
side of them, they're not showing either true.
24:48
All of them. Right. Yeah. Because we're all,
24:52
you know, got got a mess. We've all been through
24:58
stuff And we all have things that we're dealing
25:02
with in some form way or another, you know And
25:05
it's not gonna look exactly like somebody else's
25:07
but there may be enough commonalities there to
25:09
where You know, they can understand and appreciate
25:13
Yeah. Yeah appreciate that Masks, right And so
25:21
I say you've gone through this amazing journey.
25:23
You've learned to, you know, accept yourself
25:25
more of who you are. You have these nice tool
25:29
kits. Give us a description or give us like an
25:38
idea of how your life looks today and why you
25:44
could never go back other than, um, no. Yeah.
25:47
I'm going to leave it at that. I just think I've,
25:51
I mean, first of all, I have too much to lose.
25:53
Right. Right. I married. I have a three. I have
25:58
two older daughters, but I have a I also am an
26:01
older dad with a three year old. Right. Wow.
26:06
That's that's big. It's been it's been an adventure,
26:10
but it's it's I've been able to show up for him
26:13
in ways that I did not show up for my older daughters
26:17
at all. So I feel like I'm almost like it's a
26:20
it's a it's healing for me to to deal with. this
26:24
in a way because it's like I'm getting a second
26:26
chance in a way. But I've so I have a lot to
26:30
lose and not only that but just like I the way
26:36
I feel now is so much I haven't quite hit that
26:41
serenity that I mentioned earlier about when
26:43
you're a child but I periods of that and I periods
26:48
of where I've let go a lot of the anxiety and
26:52
the worry And the stress and things that I used
26:55
to carry around with me I used to have I used
26:57
to tear a lot of anxiety and stress and worrying
26:59
about things but I what I found was worrying
27:02
about something that may or may not happen is
27:05
is kind of silly because A you don't know what's
27:10
gonna happen. It's the future, right? You're
27:11
not being present so but also like it means you're
27:14
not trusting in your your divine journey Right
27:20
the one pivot that I've made recently that I'll
27:23
mention is looking at everything that happens
27:27
to you as there's a reason and it's for your
27:29
ultimate good. So even if it's something that
27:32
you maybe at first go, that sucks. Like I'll
27:35
give you an example. Two months ago, I had a
27:38
client that I was working with and out of the
27:39
blue, I just got fired. Caught me off guard,
27:43
didn't expect it. But at first I was like, oh,
27:47
well, this sucks. But in hindsight, it's been
27:50
a good thing because I have It was turned out
27:54
it was kind of a once you kind of got I got away
27:56
from it I realized it was a little more toxic
27:58
than I realized and able to find you know expand
28:02
my Business with current clients that I do like
28:07
working with Mm -hmm. Oh It ended up being a
28:10
good thing So I think that's one of the things
28:14
is like if you're really trusting of your of
28:16
your divine path then No matter what hat whatever
28:20
life throws at you is there to help you grow
28:23
Sometimes it sucks. I'm so thorny. No. Yes My
28:30
wife always says like, you know, don't ask the
28:32
universe for patience like a lesson in patience
28:35
because it'll give it to you, you know Yeah,
28:37
be careful what you ask for because if you need
28:39
patience boy, it's gonna throw it at you It's
28:43
all there to help you grow. I really think the
28:45
goal of life is to get back to that joy and serenity
28:49
that I mentioned at the beginning. And so life's
28:52
gonna put things in place to help you get there.
28:57
And again, it may not look amazing at first,
29:00
but it's really there to help you grow. It's
29:03
been an interesting perspective to really, to
29:06
look at things that way. And I think that's made
29:08
a profound... And I don't see it. I don't see
29:11
how I could ever not look at life that way anymore
29:13
It's like sometimes when the light bulb turns
29:15
on like you just can't unring the bell Yeah,
29:18
I love that there's like I just know I just I
29:23
think it's experience too much and and I like
29:27
where I'm at so much like I Can't unring it.
29:31
I just don't see it how that would be possible.
29:34
There's no going back in other words, right?
29:37
But anyone can get there i'm not special that's
29:39
what I want like it's for your listeners and
29:41
people listening to this watching I I Anyone
29:46
can do this You know what? I mean? I i'm just
29:49
someone that has had success with it like anyone
29:52
who's struggling with whether it's addiction
29:54
or or anxiety or depression or stress or Anger
29:59
like you can get to a healthier happier place,
30:03
you know, there's work involved. You can do it
30:05
like I'm just a guy. Yeah. Yeah, I used to struggle
30:10
with anxiety quite a bit and You know when I
30:16
you know, I would go and see, you know therapists
30:18
and things for and then I learned like the five
30:21
three the five four three two one method like
30:25
five things you can see four things you can touch
30:28
three things you can hear and so forth and sometimes
30:30
like I would get to Before I start over, you
30:33
know because things I like I couldn't get a calm
30:36
down Yeah, but then I learned a nice little trick
30:39
of you know Where are you in the moment like
30:43
being in the moment because whatever's triggering
30:45
that anxiety is from the past. Yeah, and So then
30:50
I learned to just be in the moment. What is my
30:54
Current surroundings and does it match what my
30:58
anxiety is over in 90? I'm going to say 98 %
31:02
of the time, it didn't. There were a couple of
31:07
times where it did, but I would still have to
31:09
just breathe through it and calm myself down.
31:13
But I have less and less of those than I used
31:17
to have. And mine came from being held up at
31:22
gunpoint. And the weird thing is that it would
31:27
come about like, Like I would like I dog sit
31:34
for my daughter and a friend of mine and When
31:37
they're out of town, so I go to their homes and
31:40
stay and it's when I'm in their homes and like
31:42
an odd noise happens Yeah, and the dogs aren't
31:46
carrying on so it can't be something too serious
31:49
Yeah, you know it was just me, you know and and
31:54
and Realizing that's you know of where I am and
31:57
what's happening around me. Yeah versus Just
32:01
just being in that space. And so I think also
32:03
being able to slow down, be in the moment. Right.
32:08
And connect with the moment that we're in that
32:11
does that will help so much. And if we're in
32:15
a situation where we're uncomfortable, let's
32:17
step outside of it. No, don't step outside of
32:19
the moment. Let's move ourselves to another place.
32:23
Right. Or if we need to or if we're unable to
32:26
do that, get our mindset. in a positive or neutral
32:31
aspect of it. Because a lot of times it's our
32:34
mindset. I found that a lot of times the things
32:39
we experience, whether it's like a PTSD sort
32:43
of reaction or anxiety, there's usually an event
32:47
or something that happened usually in our childhood,
32:50
but not always, that triggers it. And it's a
32:53
story that we were told That we're carrying.
32:57
Yes. So in your case it might be I am unsafe
33:00
Right. Yeah, that's what And the question you
33:04
ask yourself is like is that an absolute truth?
33:08
Am I am I really unsafe? Yeah, probably not in
33:11
most cases not yeah Things can happen, but you
33:15
know, it's not an absolute truth that you are
33:17
unsafe in that present moment, right? Connecting
33:23
with that feeling of, you know, is this a truth
33:25
or no? Or is this a story I'm telling myself?
33:27
Yeah, I love that. Is this a story and have for
33:32
what happened to you? And then, you know, you
33:34
have to look at it through the eyes of compassion,
33:36
right? Yeah, learn to be an observer, then say,
33:39
is this really true, though, anymore? You know,
33:42
and I found it's a lot easier to kind of let
33:44
that go when you realize it's just Old record
33:47
that's been playing in your head for. Yeah, you
33:50
don't need anymore. I love that little record
33:53
thing, but yeah, I think it's also like stepping
33:55
out of the emotional of it and being the observer
33:58
of that emotion. And sometimes you can identify
34:01
more with it as the observer versus being in
34:04
it. And that takes practice, being able to be
34:08
able to step back as an observer of your own
34:10
emotions or your own actions that you're doing.
34:14
Because if you're doing an action, To get that,
34:19
you know that dopamine effect then You know,
34:23
are you doing it because it's the right thing
34:25
to do or are you doing it because you need something?
34:30
Mm -hmm Right. Like do you need that fixed? Do
34:33
you need to free or is there an emotion? That's
34:36
Starting to rise in the back and you need to
34:38
quiet down. Yeah Yeah, I love that I love that.
34:46
So if people are going to work with you, Steve,
34:48
what can they expect if they come to see you?
34:54
Well, I don't really work with people other than,
34:57
I mean, I just do it because I want to, I don't
35:00
charge anything or, you know, I just, I, I, if
35:03
people want to talk to me about what they're
35:04
going through, I'm happy to talk to them. Um,
35:07
you know, uh, I, I'm not. I want to be clear.
35:11
I'm not a professional. I can only speak from
35:13
the experience I've had. But I'm happy to pay
35:18
it forward. I really believe in that. There's
35:21
so many people that helped me get to where I'm
35:23
at today. And I feel like it's my job to help
35:28
pass this message along to others. But I think,
35:33
I mean, first of all, I think you need to be
35:36
ready for the journey because it's not, in some
35:39
cases, it's not It's not easy. You're going to
35:42
be asked to, like, you know, relive things or
35:47
feel things you may not want to feel, you know?
35:51
But I think a lot of it is just kind of uncovering
35:53
the roots of things. Again, if you're telling
35:57
yourself, like, how do we how do we get you out
36:00
of that narrative? Or like an example could be
36:02
like, let's say someone was assaulted when they
36:05
were young, you know? and they built up this
36:08
defense mechanism to protect themselves. It's
36:11
sort of like an example of, let's say you're
36:16
trying to cross a river and you don't have a
36:19
boat or anything. So you build yourself a raft
36:21
and get across the river. But then after you
36:24
get across the river, after you get across this
36:26
raging river and you succeed, you keep carrying
36:30
the raft with you as you're going, even though
36:33
it's heavy and bulky and you don't need it anymore,
36:35
but you still carry it around. Like, you know,
36:38
i'm gonna ask you like is it time to put down
36:40
the raft right? Yeah so um, but I can tell you
36:46
that the people that work with me I mean anyone
36:48
that I talk to like I really try to treat them
36:51
with compassion and Love and patience because
36:55
I think you need that. You know, I don't I don't
36:58
think there's I I don't believe in like um You
37:02
know, i'm not one of the people that that kind
37:04
of is getting your face sort of Tactic I don't
37:07
think that's effective at all. I think not less
37:10
is the way to go. Yeah Yeah, but anyone any of
37:15
your your audience wants to reach out to me on
37:18
I think you're gonna drop some links in there
37:20
and things like that Happy to chat with them.
37:24
Okay. Yeah, everything will be in our show notes
37:26
So please be sure to check those out and so Steve
37:29
you were gonna give we've probably already said
37:31
it but if you're gonna give one message to The
37:36
audience one thing that they really need to take
37:38
away from this. What would that be? Hope Hope
37:43
is the most powerful thing in the world like
37:46
have hope there things can and will get better
37:50
You have to do the work, of course But it can
37:53
get better and it will get better and you will
37:56
be so glad you took that step towards it Trust
37:59
me. I was very I was in such a dark place I did
38:05
not think I was ever gonna get out. I thought
38:07
I was gonna, I was just, I kind of felt like
38:11
I was being punished or something. I was just
38:14
destined to live this awful, horrible life where
38:17
I just was kind of, I wasn't living it. I was
38:20
just going through the motions every day. But
38:26
there's always that little tiny little glimmer
38:29
of hope in the back of my mind. Something told
38:32
me to keep going forward. And I wish I'd had
38:36
someone like me through it. I didn't have someone
38:40
quite like me. I had, again, a bunch of people
38:43
throughout the journey. Look, have hope. It can
38:50
get better. It will get better. You're not alone.
38:53
I know what you're feeling. I know what you've
38:56
been through. I know how it feels to feel like
39:00
life's never gonna get better and life sucks.
39:04
I know exactly where you've been, but I'm evidence
39:07
that anyone could do it. Again, there's nothing
39:09
special about me other than I decided to take
39:13
action. That's really the only thing. And I decided
39:16
to, you know, challenge myself and to find like
39:20
keep pushing myself to get better. Right. You
39:24
know, and if you if that's something you're willing
39:25
to do, then, you know, it will get better. And,
39:30
you know, absolutely. for people like you that
39:33
can help spread this message to the masses and
39:38
help people heal. I think what you're doing is
39:41
fantastic, and I'm so grateful to be here. Well,
39:44
thank you. And we're I mean, I am totally blessed
39:46
to have you on the show, and I truly appreciate
39:48
your time. And so again, be sure to check out
39:52
the show now so you can learn more about Steve
39:54
and we will see you next time. Bye. Hi there.
40:02
I'm summer. I'm here to help you navigate the
40:05
journey of self -trust and finding your authentic
40:08
self. Every episode is a step toward knowing
40:12
yourself a little better. Thanks for spending
40:14
this time with me. If something in today's episode
40:20
landed, sit with it. You don't have to figure
40:23
it all out right now. Just notice what's stirred.
40:27
Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, and
40:29
share this episode with someone who needs to
40:32
hear it today. Until next time, remember... you
40:38
already know. This is how you learn to trust
40:42
it.