Latest / Pod Therapy / #456: Internal Locus of Control, Fawning

Transcript

#456: Internal Locus of Control, Fawning · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I said 120. Oh, look at that. Whitney wins the
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: prize of knowing Jim the best. Well done.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Knowing how much he'd spend on us.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: As the chief groupie of Seafood Sugar Cookies, we would
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: expect nothing less. Excellent job. Number one sign maker.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: I'm so good at this.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: From fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, this is Pod Therapy. Real people,
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: real problems, and real therapists. You can submit your questions
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: anonymously at podtherapy.net or email us at podtherapyguys at gmail.com.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: And now broadcasting from the beaver dog, not a dog
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: that software thinks is a beaver, my actual dog named
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Beaver Studio.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: That's Jim. That's Whitney. I'm Nick. It's time for some
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: pod therapy.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: Wonderful.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to repeat that at the outro. I
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: will fuck it up. I keep forgetting that you can
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: name our studio at patreon.com slash therapy. Apparently, I've designed
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: it so that you can only do this once. And so...
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: That was a mistake because there's that too. It doesn't
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: need to be a studio name. Actually, this was a
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: genius move on my part to make it so you
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: could only do it once because all the diehards who
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: really wanted to do it, did it immediately and burned
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: their one life. And then later we're like, fuck, I
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: should have said this whole other thing. And they're not
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: going to create a whole new patron account to do it.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: So I've stopped. I'll bet they would. I think that
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: they would just sponsor other people. If properly motivated. They
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: could just find some patsy.
• 1:22
  Speaker 5: I'm going to tell you right now, Patreons out there,
• 1:24
  Speaker 5: Jim does not believe that you will take out a
• 1:27
  Speaker 5: second Patreon account just to do this second time.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Call my bluff. Jim doesn't believe you'll do it. I
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: do not think he'll do it. I have faith in you. Jim.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Will not happen. Thinks you're a joke. I think that
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: you're not a serious person. There it is. If you'd
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: like to hear our extended show, get it a day
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: early today, you can hear about my experience with the
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: concert and join a band meeting to hear all about
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: the exploits of the 2027 touring schedule of Seafood Sugar
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Cookie currently in development. So if you'd like to hear,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I think that we should have alter egos. I feel
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: like that's something I want to put a lot of
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: time into. Like, I really want to have... Should we
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: paint our faces?
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Okay. Hey, all ideas on the table, bud. I'm not
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: here to say no. It's yes and. We're just going
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: to add to this.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: Are they going to look like Kiss?
• 2:11
  Speaker 6: Oh, shit.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: We're doing Kiss. I was thinking Insane Clown Posse, but
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: that would be fine, too. Oh, my God. But can
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: we use colors? I think it should be full carnival.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: It should be like a flower on one cheek, tiger stripes,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: a rainbow. Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay. This is great.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: But we have to be able to do it over
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: and over again for all the different appearances. Because it'd
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: be silly if you didn't have a consistent character. That's true.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: But here's the trick.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: It'd be ridiculous.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: You have to do your own makeup.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: You can't hire someone. I know, Kiss could. Yeah, Kiss
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: did their own makeup. It would be like Rorschach from
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: the comic books. Oh, dude, how cool would that be?
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: What's the name of that? The Watchmen. The Watchmen. Yeah, yeah.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: It keeps changing shape. Oh, that'd be so fucking cool. Okay, again,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: all good ideas. I just like it. Let's just not
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: talk music. Let's talk everything around. The music comes later, dude.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: That's an afterthought, man.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: This is why Nick will do it.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: When you've got it, you've got it.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Because it's never going to happen.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: The music will be there, dude. It'll be there when
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: we're ready. You've got to start with the vision, and
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: that's really where I want to start. I think you
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: should go for pictures.
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: Instead of painting designs on your faces, I think you
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: should paint pictures on your faces.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I'll be Starry Night. Yeah, there you go. So we
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: could probably print on one of these stick-on tattoos, but
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: a full page. Just put it on your face. Spray
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: it down with a water bottle. Peel that back.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Boom.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: You should be water lilies. That'll be your alter ego.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I'm going to call you water lilies. Just put that
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: right on. I think it's a great idea. No, my
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: alter ego, though, I think I want him to be
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: this British Banksy guy. I want it to, even though
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I guess that doesn't have a personality to it. The artist? Yeah.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: What I imagined Banksy could be. That's who I want
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: my alter ego to be. Didn't he reveal himself a
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: few years ago? I think he turned out to just
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: be like a guy. He's like a nerdy dude. Yeah,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: just the dude. Just like work somewhere. So that's not
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: the guy I want to be, actually. I want it
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: to be a guy with one of those long, like,
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: kind of a barrister. No, um, trench coats. Is that
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: what they're called? Trench coats. Okay. People be wearing trench
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: coats and I want, um, a necker chief thing. What
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: are those things called that you put around your neck
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: when it's cold? Yeah. I want a scarf. Oh, and
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I want it to be long and flowy. Nailed it.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: But I want it to be like loosely tied. Like,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: you know what they did? Like, you know, when it's
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: just like thrown over your neck, but like maybe one
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: quick toss. Like that. Will you have an accent? Yeah. No,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: my character in seafood sugar cookie is going to be
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: hella British. Yeah. Yeah. Let's hear it. It's going to
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: be like Don Cheadle British in oceans 11. Okay.
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: So repeat after me. Next up, we're going to play
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: with arms wide open.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Get ready. Next up, we're going to play arms
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: wide open, mate.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: I was like waiting.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Get ready, bloke. You know, it was honestly, honestly. Right?
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: It was better than I expected. You close your eyes
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: and you're transported. Oh, no, no. It was simply better
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: than I expected. See, downtown London. Jim is white, but
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: somehow I felt it was going to be racist. Jim
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: is white, and somehow I still feel that it was racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Newsflash,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: white people can also be racist, Nick. You know, you
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: just don't know things. But anyway, so I want you
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: to start working on your alter ego. If you'd like
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: to suggest alter egos for Nick and I, for our band, patreon.com
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: slash therapy. You can join the discord and you can
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: comment on this episode with your best ideas. Also taking designs.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: If you have characters or pictures you'd like us to
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: use as our vision board for inspiration.
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: Oh, and anybody who is at the Patreon level of
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: $ 10 and higher is allowed to draw anything using like
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: makeup or markers on Jim and Nick. okay at any
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: seafood sugar cookie concert event yeah yeah if you happen
• 5:52
  Speaker 5: to be there yeah if you are there and you
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: are a ten dollar and higher patreon can happen uh
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: you are allowed to draw anything you want on any part.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Of them permanent markers only uh yeah.
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: I would say in makeup as well like you can
• 6:03
  Speaker 5: use like a lipstick but you could also use a
• 6:05
  Speaker 5: sharpie whatever see i like this up to the artist
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: okay yeah because we're not here to we're not here
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: to stop people from expression no no I think the
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: soul of Seafood Sugar Cookie is really about limitless potential,
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: which is what the band name was kind of about
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: when we created it.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Clearly. Yeah. If you'd like to see us live, maybe,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: go to ScoopFest. What's ScoopFest's website? ScoopFest.com. ScoopFest.com. That's the
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: official jingle of ScoopFest. You can come hang out with us,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: the four hosts of Pod Therapy, and meet our best
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: friends in the entire world, Ice Cream Social. and other
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: people who will probably be there. It's going to be
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: in June 2027 in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada. That's true.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: At the Orleans Hotel and Casino. That's not true. Widely
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: celebrated as the number one hotel. That's simply not true.
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: Mic drop.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Where are we moving it to? You didn't look at
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: the thing. Not at all. No. I just assumed it
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: was in the same place it's always been. We're downtown, baby.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: We've moved downtown.
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: Downtown.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: We are at a new venue on 3rd Street downtown.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: No fucking way.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: A few blocks up from Fremont Street.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: The hotel will be the Golden Nouget. Oh my God!
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: No way! The big time!
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so the hotel is gonna be the Golden Nugget,
• 7:13
  Speaker 5: but the venue is gonna be off Fremont Street. It's
• 7:16
  Speaker 5: gonna be really fucking awesome. Oh my God, that's awesome.
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: So that, I should pull up the dates in front
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: of me here.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: So for those of you who do not know about Vegas,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: downtown Vegas is the scene. That's amazing. It is fun.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: It is pedestrian. It's where all the cheap drinks are.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: It's where all the characters are. It is the true local,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: like this is the fucking place.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: You'll have a great visit to Vegas.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: You're not on the strip with all the bougie bullshit.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: You're not paying to park. It is good, honest, old-fashioned Vegas. Oh,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: and we also got, with the Golden Nugget, they gave
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: us a no, what's the extra fee that all the
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: hotels do? Oh, the resort fee? The resort fee. No
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: resort fee.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: If they book through you, if they book through us,
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: if they book into our block, it's the resort fee,
• 7:55
  Speaker 5: which that's going to be, by the time you hear this,
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: hopefully it will be up on the webpage at scoopfest.com.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: There will be links to.
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: The rooms and everything over at Golden Nugget. Uh, hopefully
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: by the time you hear this, we're just waiting on
• 8:06
  Speaker 5: them to get all of the websites and everything put together.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: This Nick, our world tour. We just added another one.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: We could open for, uh, the, the bucket show. We
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: can open for the bucket show and then we can
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: open for, uh, SJ and boom, baby. That's two. That's
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: a tour. I love tour. Yeah. I love that. We're
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: doing this without talking to the acts themselves, dude.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: They're going to listen to this.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Of course they're on board. It starts here. Of course
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: they're going to be on board. It's got to start
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: here in the band meeting, okay? Right, right. Then you've
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: got to put together a pitch deck. Tell you what.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I'm going to put together a deck, okay? Let's do this.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not an amateur, Nick. Okay, we're going to put
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: together a whole thing with some sample tracks that won't
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: be us, but it will be the songs we're going
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: to play. And then they'll be like, oh shit, Elvis? Like, yeah,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: that could be us. Let's not tell them. Just show up. Yeah.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Gorilla openers. Yeah. We just show the fuck up, invade,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: and just take it and just go. So here are
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: the dates.
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: So June 9th, 2027, that's going to be the bucket show.
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: That's Wednesday night. It's going to be the bucket show.
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: We have not said where that is going to be yet,
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: but there will be a bucket show. Which we are
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: not headlining.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: No.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Other people will be headlining that. But you should still go.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: You should still go. But we're not going to be headlining.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know why you're still talking, Jim. Shut up.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Go ahead.
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: Thursday, the 10th, is going to be the Jacob's Whiskey Barbecue.
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: And we're doing a whole different thing with the barbecue
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: this year. We're not doing anything after it, for one thing.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 9:26
  Speaker 5: So the barbecue, the time on it is going to
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: stretch a little bit. It's going to be a little
• 9:29
  Speaker 5: bit longer. It's going to be a little more relaxed.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Standalone event. We've also got more entertainment coming in.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Entertainment.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: It's going to be really, really great. And then the 11th, 12th,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: and 13th, that is ScoopFest proper. June 11th, 12th, and 13th.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: So if you go over to ScoopFest.com, you can get
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: the Jacob's Whiskey BBQ tickets. That's on the 10th.
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: The two-day ScoopFest, that's the 12th and 13th. And the three-day,
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: that adds in the 11th. There's an event on the
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: evening of the 11th.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's what you can do.
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: Get the three-day plus the barbecue, and that's kind of
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: the whole kit and caboodle.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: It's going to be a good time. And then the
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Wednesday event is unticketed. Anybody can come. Yep, come to everything.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: It's going to be a great time. It's going to
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: be a bit longer of a walk to McMullin's. That's true. McMullin's,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: I believe, is off of the table this year on
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: the official things. It's all right. It's time for a change.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: You need to find a new place.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Well, this zone is so much better, like downtown Vegas. Yeah,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: there's a lot. Because when we're at the Orleans, you
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: can go to the Orleans, you can go to McMullin's.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: That's it, that's walking. Isn't there an Irish bar on
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: the Fremont? You can go. Oh, sure. There are plenty
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: of Irish bars. Oh. No shortage. All over.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: All over.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: We will find plenty of them. Not all of them
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: are as awesome as McMullins. They are not. McMullins is awesome.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: So we just play the Star Spangled Banner opener, you know,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: because they always start with that.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Of course.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: We just get that gig. I'm sorry. We've already booked
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Lee Greenwood. Oh, jeez. Okay. He's not going to play
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: the Star Spangled Banner, though.
• 10:54
  Speaker 6: You know?
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Because he doesn't know that song. The early bird gets
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: the worm. He only knows his one. Okay. He opens
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: and closes with the Star Spangled Banner. All the hits.
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: I saw him perform live one time. It was at
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: a football game. They brought him in to be the
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: halftime entertainment or whatever at the football game. Just remarkably bad.
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: Just so, so bad. I was like, this is the
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: one thing you do. It's not even that you're a singer.
• 11:21
  Speaker 5: You sing this song.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: This is the song. This is the guy that I'm
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: proud to be an American singer. Yeah. For people who
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: don't know who he is. Lee Harvey Oswald. That's it.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: You don't have to look him up. It's fine. But yeah,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: like you sing this song.
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: If I sang one song and that was my entire career,
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: God damn, it would sound perfect every time.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: It should. Yeah, absolutely. There's no reason for it not.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: And if it didn't, I wouldn't do it. Because you could, yeah.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: If it's not going to sound perfect, I'm not going
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: to do it. Because this is my entire career. In theory,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: you can only get better at it. Right. If that's
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: the only song you do. Now, do you think Lee
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Greenwood is... I was really hoping you were just going
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: to refer to him as Lee Greenwood. It'd just be
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: really comfortable with them. Well, we're all entertainers here. Knowing
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: Lee like we do, do you think he's like, hey, guys,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: I also have this other song, and the people hiring
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: him are like, no, no, no, we're not interested. Or
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: do you think he's tired of the song, or do
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: you think he just understands this is his gig, and
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: he doesn't even do anything else? Oh, I think the
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: answer to both of those questions is yes. Yeah. I
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: think that's a thing. I think he has to be
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: tired of it, and he also fully knows that it's
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: His meal ticket.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I bet that there were times that he suggested
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: other songs.
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: I bet those times have pretty much passed. Guys, I
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: play a mean Wheels on the Bus. Let me take
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: a crack at it. I was just assuming he was
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: proud to be an American, but in different languages.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: I did see one thing, and I believe it was fake,
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: but somebody basically did that.
• 12:54
  Speaker 6: Oh, really?
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Where he had like, I'm proud to be a Canadian. Oh, yeah.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: And they just got it for like half a dozen countries.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: That would be great if that was his side gig,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: because he just shows up in other countries and just
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: changes one word. I wonder if he's on Cameo, because
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: that would be funny.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. He could open for us.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: He's missing out if he's not on Cameo.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Russian nesting doll. Man, he released that song in 1984. God. Oh, wow.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: He's been singing that song for a minute. Wow. I
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: didn't realize it was that old. Yeah. Neither did I.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, I remember it when I was a kid,
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: but I thought it was brand new at that point.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: I thought it was brand new, too, man. Two fucking years. Wow. Well,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: around 9-11, boy, was it resurging. That's where he made
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: his money. That guy prays for terrorism. Like, I mean,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: he just gets paid so much. It's so funny you
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: say this. As soon as the terror alert hits orange,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: he's like, mama's.
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: Going to eat.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: That's got to be a quote out of context.
• 13:47
  Speaker 5: My favorite bit is just talking about how I don't
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: think Lee Greenwood planned 9-11.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: But he certainly benefited from it. It's hard to find it.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: He is the Celine Dion of 9-11. Or the Mariah Carey.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: He is to 9-11 what Mariah Carey is to Christmas.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I am virtually certain that Lee Greenwood had nothing to
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: do with the terrorist attacks that happened on September 11, 2001.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I'm also positive that he made millions of dollars off
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: of it. He's doing very well. Not a ton of millions,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: but a couple. He's done well for himself. And yeah,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I think that he was just.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: All right. We're going to get out of the fucking show.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: We should probably do that. I think we should talk
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: more about Lee Greenwood. I think honestly we could. Patreon.com
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: slash therapy. Join the fun. It's good to have everybody there.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: We love reading all the comments on the episodes. Unless
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: you're Lee Greenwood, then you are not welcome and you
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: know why. Don't show up, Lee. You know what you
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: did at the after party. This is why you're not
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: invited back. All right. We got some great questions for
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: today's show and we're kicking off the order with a
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: question about internal locus of control. Hey, pod therapy. I
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: find myself. I thought you were saying internal locust. Yeah.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: A locust burrowed into you. That's right. You have written
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: into the wrong show. Yeah. There's two wolves.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: We're going to redirect that email to the correct podcast.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: I am a doctor, but I'm not that kind of doctor.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: We cannot get this locust out of you. I'm not
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: the locust removal kind of doctor. Hey, pod therapy. I
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: find myself playing armchair psychologist for my friends often. And
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: something I've struggled with when listening is that people have
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: this woe is me mentality. Example, a friend unable to
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: get a job fresh out of university. And I do
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: acknowledge to them that it's a hard job market right now.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: And I validate their difficulties. I want to lean towards
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: what's your resume like interview skills? What can you do?
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Another example would be a friend who just says that
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: their life is just unlucky as soon as troubles come.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: My partner would also say her university course is badly planned,
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: designed poorly, instead of how can they set up their
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: study environment and time management better so they're successful. So
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: everyone feels like they're being tossed by the wind instead
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: of captaining their own ship. I'm apologetic to everyone's situations
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: and try to be empathetic, but something I want to
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: have in my tool belt is to encourage people to
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: improve their internal locus of control. So how do you
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: go about that in practice and in real life? Is
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: it awareness? Is it just believing they can do better?
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Any advice would be appreciated anonymous. Actually signed internal locust.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: The locust within. Working you like a puppet. It's basically
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: like that guy from Men in Black. Yeah, that's right.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: It's a giant bug inside of a guy. It has
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: little controls inside of it. Yeah. Guys, do you just
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: want to go hang out in a wheat field for
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: a while and just do nothing and make loud noises?
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: I'm still on the seafood sugar cookie thing. So I
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: think working you like a puppet is a good... Okay,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: another album. No, let's turn it into a song. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought song.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: But I think that song should still be Arms Wide
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Open by Creed. Oh, you don't want to still call
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: it larger than life? Working you like a puppy. Let's
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: just take every song on the album. His arms wide open.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: The strings.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: And we just changed the lyrics. This is so great.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: With strings on my hands.
• 17:22
  Speaker 6: Yes. They're controlling me. They raise my arm and they
• 17:29
  Speaker 6: lower it to me.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: It's that damn locust.
• 17:34
  Speaker 6: With legs wide open. I'm sitting in the chair. I'm
• 17:42
  Speaker 6: sitting down.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: All right, let's not give away all our good stuff.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: You got to come to ScoopFest for some of this.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: I think Jacob's going to need a writing credit.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: It's fine. It's fine. This is a really good question.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: And I like that the writer uses this phrase that
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: we often use in psychology that humans can have an
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: internal locus of control or an external locus of control.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: And the people that the writer's describing sound like they
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: have an external locus, which is they say, things happen
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: to me in life, and my experiences are outside of
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: my ability to change them. And the writer's saying, well,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: that's annoying as hell. I think we should empower people
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: to have an internal locus control. As therapists, how do
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: you manage that divide? That locust's outside of me. It
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: is external. Well, we could actually just start a whole
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: religion here. But it's still controlling me. Adopt the Creed catalog,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: but to a new god, which is the locust that
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: controls me from within. A lot going on here. Okay,
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: this is really coming together. Might be our best idea yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: In the Discord, we also need AI images of a
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: locust god that inhabits our soul. It can be hand-drawn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, sorry.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: You know, all forms of art. Let's keep our artists working. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: you're right, you're right. Yeah, sorry about that.
• 18:58
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I'm specifically requesting AI art. I mean, this is another
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: merch idea, though, honestly. It's the internal locust. I like
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: the internal locust of control a lot. It's a really
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: good idea. Oh, man. Okay. This is also the episode
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: title is now fucking internal locust of control. Oh, um.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Gosh, well, and what I hear the writer saying is
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: that they are playing armchair psychologists. So they are not
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: specifically a therapist, which, so if I was answering, or
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: if I was talking to a colleague about this, I'd
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: probably approach it differently than if a friend came to
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: me and was like, hey, I'm just the buddy of
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: the group that everybody comes to and is asking for
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: advice or, you know, just venting to. And it sounds
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: like the writer does a really good job of validating,
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: which was my first go to, you know, you don't.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: really have to change that person. And I still would
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: lean towards that being primarily my response to this. What
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: makes you feel like you need to get them to
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: switch to that external locus of control? Are they wanting that?
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Are they actually wanting to see change or are they
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: just wanting someone to... vent to and then let them
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: do their own thing. And I mean, when it's your
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: partner coming to you, cause they said their partner would
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: also like vent about their coursework. Um, I'd be careful
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: cause I think in a lot of relationships, you know,
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: we do vent to our partners a lot and I
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: don't need you to come up with an answer for me.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: I just want to bitch about something or, ah, this
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: is so unfair. This is so whatever. Like, This person
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: I work with or, you know, the director of the
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: agency I work at is a real piece of shit.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Or these three guys I podcast with.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: Oh, absolutely.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: I say that every time I leave here.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: Any podcast.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: She just roams the streets. Just podcasting with any assholes.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: God.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: They keep telling me to stop showing up. My assumption
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: about what she was doing on those streets was completely
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: off base. Well, Jacob's seen a different version. Yeah, turn
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: on the red light is a recording light for Whitney.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: That's what that's about. So with your point about like
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: talking to your spouse and venting. Do you do that?
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Will you actually tell Peter like, hey, I don't want
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: you to fix it. Just hear me. Like, is there
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: any way that you'll signal that or does he know
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: better at this point? Peter doesn't try to fix things.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: How trained is he? I guess is what we're asking.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: It's been a while and I've done a really good
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: job of training him. You think I've done a bad
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: job at this, Nick? I have not. No, there were
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: times early on for sure, especially being in social work.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: It can be frustrating, Nick. You go and evaluate these agencies.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: You see all the craziness that goes on in some
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: of them. And being a worker bee, especially early on
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: when you're at the bottom of the totem pole, I mean...
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: there's a lot to vent and frustrate about like, Oh,
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: the pay, the whatever. Yeah. All of that, the frustrating,
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: you know, maybe people you work with at times, but, um, Yeah,
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: I remember going home and being really frustrated or annoyed
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: at like something going on in my environment at work.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: The reality is I have a good gig set up
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: to get my hours and get paid for those hours.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: And I want to do that. That's more important. But
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: also these other things are just pissing me off along
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: the way. So when I go home and vent about that,
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: and then Peter just gets just as worked up as
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: I am, or maybe more so than I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Like I... why are you more upset than I am
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: at this point? Because he cares about me, which is sweet.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: But it's like, I don't need you to be like, well,
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: you should tell them this or you should do that.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: And it's like, nope, that's not what we're doing here.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: We're just, I just need you to listen to me
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: and be like, man, that really fucking sucks.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Just let me get it out.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sorry that you're there. Is there anything I
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: can do? And so, right, or maybe I think that's
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: a really good angle as well. Ask your friends like,
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: and your partner, is there something you want me to
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: help with here? I mean, as a therapist, that's what
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: I lean into as well. If I have a client
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: who's struggling, I would ask them, you know, what, what
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: do you think would change this? You know, there's a
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: lot of solution focused questions I would probably gear toward, but, um,
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: and you'll get a pretty good response. And I have
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: had like a client in particular, I'm thinking of years
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: ago where, um, I struggled as a therapist because I
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: would try and they're a little bit woe is me.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: And I would try and lean into, you know, well,
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: how can we change that? You know, how can we
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: shift this mindset and all this? And finally, after kind
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: of staffing them with a colleague, this colleague was like,
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: maybe that's what actually is helping them. Just somebody to
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: kind of feel sorry for them almost. And it was
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: a weird concept as a therapist. I was like, really?
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: But Honestly, in that person's case, nothing was going to
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: change their scenario. They just had some shitty lifestyle.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I was just kind of validating.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Yes. And no one else was able to do that
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: because they had been going through this struggle for so long.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: They had some chronic health conditions that their people and
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: their lives were burned out. And you could see that
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: as a person. But you as a therapist, that's your job.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: You're paid to take on other people's stuff. And so
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: in some ways, that was a real shift for me
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: because we're used to fixing as therapists. And I was like, man,
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: this person just needs somebody to come in and be like,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: that sucks. I see you. I see what you're going through.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I'm sorry. And some version of I'm
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: sorry that you're going through that.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is tough. Right. I agree that what you're
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: going through is tough. You are right.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: And that was actually kind of helpful for that one person.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: Sure.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I bet it was.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: But not every person.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Well, and I think like the hallmark of a rookie
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: therapist is trying to fix everything too quickly. Yeah. Yeah.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: And this is something that.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: We're in there.
• 24:36
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: We've all done it. We've all done it. You know,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: in like you immediately like, OK, all I have to
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: do is show them the error of their ways or
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: all I have to do is help them see what
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: they're complaining about is actually within their control and it
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: can all get better. And Nick, I'm curious what your
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: thoughts are on this, because I think in substance use land.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: There is no shortage of it being the world that
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: did this to me.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: Oh, I bet.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Like, why are you in rehab? That cop was an asshole,
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: you know, charged me with DUI. Okay, my wife's a bitch.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: She's leaving me. My kids are ungrateful. You know, my
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: job doesn't, you know, know how to have a good
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: time at the Christmas party. You know, I drink just
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: as much as Bob. Nobody's giving Bob a hard time.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: You know, it's like, it's always somebody else.
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: Side note, there are so many corporate groups that come
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: to my show in Las Vegas that, And watching one
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: or two of them get completely shit faced and out
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: of hand in front of their coworkers at their, at
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: their like company events. Is hilarious to me every single time.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I'm like, that person might be ruining their entire career
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: right now. And I am laughing hysterically. Oh my gosh.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: This is a side tangent.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Also, not a goddamn thing I can do about it. No.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Can't save them.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: This weekend I went to.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Don't laugh at them.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: My friend's an employee at Southwest. And so I went
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: to their company picnic. And they were talking about how
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: there was a picnic before last year or something where
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: somebody literally got so drunk because they'll serve like beers
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: instead of these places. And it's just at a park
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: and they're like, they were so drunk. There's a DJ there. Like,
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: and the later the day went on, you could see
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: people like dance and getting very loose. And I was watching,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: I was like, Oh, are some people about to ruin
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: their lives?
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: The twerkers in the park.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: That's the best.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I was like, you're at the company party. They've given
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: you the beers, but now they're like, but don't get crazy.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: It's a test. It's always a test.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: I thought about that this weekend.
• 26:22
  Speaker 5: I have watched HR people so many times be like,
• 26:25
  Speaker 5: just remember, it's still a work event.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I'm like, don't give people fucking booze then. Yes, thank you.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: That's my thing.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: If you want your employees to not act like drunk assholes,
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: don't get them drunk.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: That's their external locus. Yeah. Yeah.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: It's called entrapment in the biz. I mean, we see
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: this all the time. You're right.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: ScoopFest.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: ScoopFest.com. We don't shame anybody for being drunk. No. You're drunk.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to get fired.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: Good for you. Also, don't show up with your HR director. Yeah.
• 26:56
  Speaker 6: Or do.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: And if you are an HR director, fucking loosen up.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: It's ScoopFest. What are you doing? No, but in substance use,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: we see this all the time. Obviously, it's the pre-contemplation stage, right?
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: There it is. Don't have the ability necessarily to see
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: the link between this behavior and the outcomes.
• 27:15
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: It's like the behavior is fine. Just these outcomes are
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: coming out of left field and I have no idea
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: why this is happening. They just don't have the connection.
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: And yes, early on in my career writer, I would
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: spend a lot of time teaching people about external and
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: internal locus of control.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: Or loci of control. Ooh. Yeah, that's a good fantasy.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: It's called a swarm of locus. Swarm of control.
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: It's a little known Norse god that is controlling you.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Loki.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Loki of control.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: It's the Loki of control.
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: There it is.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Could not be a shame. A mischief maker, if you will.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: I ended up just giving up on that because it
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: was more harmful than productive.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Like to go back and forth with them. Yeah, well,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: because what you're trying to do is you're trying to
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: teach them, hey, this is a direct result of your behavior. Right.
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: Which isn't something you can say to somebody and maintain
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: a healthy relationship with or maintain rapport.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah. This is a discovery that they have to have
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: on their own. They have to come up with this.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: And so what I have found way more effective is
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: to just focus on, oh, my God, what.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Are you going to do?
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Or just ask questions like, oh, now what? Because at
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: the end of the day, that's what they have to
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: deal with. Those are empowering questions. It's like, oh, wow,
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: you're in this situation. Oh, wow, now what?
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: So they might say, I don't know what to do.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: What do you think? Or they'll say, I'm going to
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: try this. What do you think? They might bring you
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: into that collaboration then, and then you have something.
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then we can kind of get to exploring it.
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: But like, You have to get into the mindset of understanding, like,
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: it doesn't matter how I got here right now.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: I need to make a decision and I have to
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: figure this out. So, uh, you know, it's September 27th
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: on somehow on nine 11, I got sucked into like
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: nine 11 stuff somehow, somehow. And, uh, like, and so I,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: I came across, did you forget? No, I remember. You forgot.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: I never forget. I'm glad that happened because it'd be
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: weird if it was like on December 25th. Yeah. I
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: went down a 9-11 rabbit hole.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: I do that every Christmas.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: This year on Jim's birthday, I.
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: Went down a deep 9-11 rabbit hole.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: No, but like I, so I was watching these videos
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: of like SEAL Team six when they caught obama or oh.
• 29:36
  Speaker 8: Oh man osama bin can we please cut that no
• 29:48
  Speaker 8: sir and uh discord out of context quote channel i
• 29:53
  Speaker 8: am looking at you i am looking at you god
• 29:56
  Speaker 8: damn it's been a while since we've had a good
• 29:57
  Speaker 8: nick one in there When they caught Osama Bin Laden.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: If he had fucked it up again, it would have
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: been the end of the show. But it would have
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: been so great. Barack Bin Laden shit. Okay, so Nick,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: when they caught who?
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: The bad guy.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: The bad guy. Was he born in this country? I
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: don't remember. I was just curious. I don't know. Is
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: there a birth certificate? Did we ever get a hold
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: of that? What's going on? Anyway, I was listening to
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: this interview of one of the seals that was on
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: the team and he was talking about how, how like
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: a bunch of shit went wrong. Like they had to
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: crash one of the, they had to crash land one
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: of the helicopters.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: He was on the other one, but because, but because.
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: So he never actually saw the other one go down,
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: but the pilot saw it. And then the pilot's like, oh, well,
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: we can't land on the roof. Like we were intending. Ah,
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: we can't hover over the roof. So he, he dropped
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: it on the ground. It's like everybody get out and
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: they got out.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: So he has no idea what's going on. So they're like,
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: all right, well, we have to find a new way.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: I don't know why we're not getting, we're not. dropped
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: on the roof, but we got to find a new way.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: They find this gate and they're like, okay, we're going
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: to blast through this gate. So they warn the other team, Hey,
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: we're coming in through this gate. And then the other
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: team radios in and like, no, we'll just open it
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: for you. And then he's like, he's thinking, well, how,
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: how you're not supposed to be there.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: How? Cause he has no idea that that other chopper. Right.
• 31:22
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: And so basically he's kind of telling this and he's
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: kind of explaining like you, when you're in that moment, it,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: nothing matters how something happened. Right. It's just like, okay,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: this is where we're at.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: We start from here, you know, and you're just constantly
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: going through, okay, well, it doesn't matter. We gotta, we
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: gotta go through here. You know, this is what we
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: have to do. And so I, I think.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: About that and I try to like figure out like in,
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: in my life on regular situations, like when shit happens,
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: instead of being like, God damn it, this shouldn't have
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: fucking happened. How am I in this situation?
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: Blah, blah, blah.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: It's like, it doesn't matter. Right. It's like, you're here.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: what's the plan? Where do you go from here? And
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: so in substance use treatment, we kind of take a
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: lot of that same philosophy. It's like, oh, your PO
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: is an asshole. Okay. What do you do from here?
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: How do we deal with that? Where are we going?
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: It's always about focusing on what's the next step. Practical questions. Yeah, exactly.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: All about switching into action as opposed to sitting in
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: here and complaining about the problem. I love that. And
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: I think that, you know, so going back to something,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: a phrase that Whitney had just said, which you are,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I think, embodying there, solution-focused grief therapy, which is not
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: interested in the genesis of all the problems, though there's
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: a time and a place for that. It's good for
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: people to reflect and ask, how do I keep destroying
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: my life and like studying their own problems? That's fine.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: But a lot of times just equipping them to handle
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: the next step, which is empowering. The writer's question is,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: how do I motivate people? How do I get people
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: to pick up an internal locus of control? And I
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: think what we're giving you so far with Whitney and
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: Nick's answers are some of the strategies that advanced clinicians
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: use to help grow that internal locus of control in
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: the person that we're working with. And Whitney's answer, I think,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: is the fundamental premise of it. It starts with empathy.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: It starts with demonstrating accurate empathy and accurate understanding of
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: what that person's going through, creating a space to be
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: fully understood before they are corrected, because nobody cares what
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: you know until they know that you care. And so
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: once we establish that first premise, then people invite us
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: into the room. Now we've earned the right to stand
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: side by side with them and look at the problem.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: And that's where you see Nick stepping in there and saying,
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: now we take a solution-focused perspective. We're not asking, how
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: did we get in this situation? What did you do wrong?
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: And we're not even asking who else is to blame.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: We're saying, now that we're here, what can you do
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: about that? And those kinds of questions are fundamentally empowering
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: to And that's what starts the internal locus of control.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: And the piece that I would add as the third
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: piece to that puzzle is something that we often use
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: in both substance use counseling and in general mental health,
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: which is motivational interviewing. And motivational interviewing is a style
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: of therapy. It's a dialect of speaking that is there
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: to fan those embers into a flame and get that
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: person to take personal ownership of their life and find
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: their personal motivation to take those steps forward. And a
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: lot of it has to do with just the way
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: you describe problems and the way that you talk about change.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: And the way that we do that is by keeping
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: change conscious in that person's mind at all times. It's
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: what we can get their brain to see the most of.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: So when they talk a lot about the outside world
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: and bad things that have happened to them, we will
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: ignore that part of the conversation. But somewhere in the
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: conversation when they mention what they did about it or
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: what actions they're taking, we'll be immensely curious about that part.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: And we're bringing their attention more and more to the
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: parts of their life and the parts of their story
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: that they have personal control over. And the more we
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: can fixate on that, the more screen time that gets,
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: the more that just starts to kind of copy and
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: paste in their mentality. And that starts to become this
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: motivating force where they're like, okay, well, what can I
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: do about it? It starts to become something that becomes
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: internalized in them. And that's this process of the stages
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: of change that Nick was talking about, that they go
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: from pre-contemplation to just not even being aware that they
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: are part of the problem. to contemplation where they see
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: that they're playing a role in this, to preparation where
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: they start to imagine how they could change that, even
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: though they're not doing anything about it yet, to action.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: And the way we usually nudge them between each of
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: those phases is first by recognizing where they're at. And
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: this is something that I'm constantly talking to my students
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: about as we're starting to roll out MI, is the
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: rookie therapist comes in with somebody in pre-contemplation and says,
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: here's how you fix all your problems. And they're stunned
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: that the person can't do it. And this is something
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: that we see new therapists do is they come to
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: their supervisors. They go, why doesn't anybody actually want help?
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: Nobody really wants help. And we're like, no, you don't
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: know how to do it. Like you're trying to change
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: the shape of a tree by grabbing it and ripping
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: it in that new position as hard as you can.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: And it breaks. And then you're like, what the fuck?
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: You know? And it's like, no, it's you. You're a
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: bad gardener. Like you need to learn how to slowly
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: bend these branches into this new direction. And that's what
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: motivational interviewing, solution-focused brief therapy, cultivating the therapeutic relationship does
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: is And that's why it's the change formula to get
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: somebody to ultimately take control over their own lives. So
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: what you're asking about, Ryder, is such a delicate art
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: that people go to school for three years to learn
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: how to do it and then spend another two to
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: three years postgraduate training and being mentored and cultivating those skills.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: It is a very hard thing to do. So going
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: back to Whitney's point, if you find yourself as the
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: friend in the group.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: I was going to say they are the armchair therapist.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: You know, you might just be the armchair people need
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: to rest in, right? And get like that sense of comfort.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: But the more you're there for them, the more you'll
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: earn the right to offer little moments of feedback. And
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: sometimes I think that's the only thing you can do
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: is just ask questions about what they can do next
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: or ask questions about what that was like for them
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: and help them kind of focus on like what they
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: were doing in that process without saying it. Like you
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: can kind of like breadcrumb the hints to get them
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: to back into a conclusion sometimes.
• 36:52
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: Instead of saying like, oh, do you think she broke
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: up with you because you yell all the time? Instead
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: being like, oh, so like you guys got another fight, huh?
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I've got another fight. Like, oh, I
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: know this can get really loud. And like, that's all
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: you say. And they're like, yeah, yeah, I was kind of,
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: I lost my cool. I'm like, oh, okay, yeah, that again, huh?
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: I'll bet she brought something. She always says something about that, right? Yeah,
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: she was talking about how I was yelling instead of
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: listening to what I was saying. oh, that sucks, man.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: I'm really sorry. It must be really frustrating for you.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: That probably even makes you louder. Yeah, no, it does.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: And it's like, okay, you're slowly nudging them to connect
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: those dots. You're almost there. But that's motivational interviewing. That
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: is a dialect of talking that helps somebody notice the
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: change pieces instead of the pieces that are outside of
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: their control. So good luck with this one. And I
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: hope that's something you'll continue to work on. But yeah,
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: I encourage you to Google those things. Solution-focused brief therapy,
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: motivational interviewing, The common factors is another thing that you
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: could look into that has to do with the therapeutic alliance.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: If you're going to be their armchair therapist, first off,
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: start billing them. And second off, master those skills, and
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: I think you'll start getting some better results. Don't make
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: the mistake that I made.
• 37:56
  Speaker 5: I thought that brief therapy meant that you had to
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: wear briefs. I thought that it meant that I had
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: to change my underwear.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: Which doesn't explain why you never do, you know? You
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: just walk around floating in the wind. Don't tell me
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: what to do. Okay, yeah, no, you're right, you know?
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: That's my solution that I'm focused on. It is the
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: essence of seafood sugar. You are a guest here. You
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: don't get to tell the.
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: Host to put on pants.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: And if I just sleep on this couch enough times,
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: whether he knows I'm here or not, it's going to
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: activate the artistry. The band's just going to happen. We're
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: going to take a quick break, and when we come back,
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: we're talking about fawning. You're listening to Pod Therapy.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: That was a deer.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: Today today's episode is brought to you by robert brownie
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: jr men's kayla lansbury kevin chamberlain ben stanley adam hathaway
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: dan martin lib hey yo andrew langmead chad meg inkla
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: prince and dale the king would you like to sponsor
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: the show become a therapy producer patreon.com slash there.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: So before you start trivia i want to tell a
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: funny story uh i went to this political fundraiser thing
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: for a buddy of mine who's running yeah i saw
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: that i didn't go yeah i noticed uh I was
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: going to, but I didn't. Okay. And you realized it
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: was an open bar? Okay.
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: Oh, no.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: I actually had to work. So I was there. I
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: had a bunch of my students there, my postgraduate interns.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: I let her out of the closet for a while
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: to come to the bar, which was nice. Very sweet.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: So I ended up filling this thing up with a
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: lot of therapists. I was really excited that it went well.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: And some of my students came from the class that
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: I'm currently teaching, and they were mixing and mingling with
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: some of my postgraduates that are in internship and And
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: as they were sitting there talking, they're like, oh, how's
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: it to have Jobin as a teacher? And like, oh,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: it's going really good, you know, blah, blah, blah. And
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: they're like, oh, has he done the Whitney and Nick
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: bullshit yet? And they're like, what's that? Like, oh, what
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: he tells you some chicks coming in as a volunteer
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: from the community that he's going to interview and her
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: boyfriend's there. And then it turns out they're both fucking
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: leader therapists in the community. Did they do that shit
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: to you? And the students like, we're supposed to have
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: a guest speaker next week. He said, it's going to
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: be a volunteer from the community. I was like, you bitches.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: You ruined it. You idiot. So Whitney, you're fired.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: They're on.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: They're on to the gig now. Yeah. Yeah, I've actually
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: recruited my little sister to come in. It's going to
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: happen tomorrow, actually. So when this airs, it'll have already happened.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I had to change the lineup. I had
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: to call an audible at the line here because my
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: students have figured out the Whitney Knicks scam. Yeah, all
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: students talk to each other. Yeah, it turns out.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they leave reviews.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they leave reviews for the professors and everything. So
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: I still don't understand. So. You're bringing in your sister
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: to do the same thing that Whitney did. I'm confused
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: how this is different. Your students don't know either of them.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: I still need a volunteer. Like, it's not going to
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: be the same thing.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: You can't just change the syllabus.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so now they're not expecting it to be these
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: two clinicians, a social worker, and a substance use counselor.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: They'll know it's like that. They know the bit. Now
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: you're saying it's a real person, and it is a
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: real person. Yeah, it functionally is. They're not going to
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: know it's my sister until afterward. I'll say, by the way,
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: this is my little sister. She's doing this as a favor.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: And like... That's almost the end of the whole thing.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: It's not going to be the Q & A that
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: we usually do. She did graduate with a mental health counselor.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: Are you still going to use our pictures, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: We need the advertising.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a whole presentation about you guys. It's
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: all fucked up now. And I'm like, damn it. And
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: I'm excited for my little sister, but it's not the same.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: But I can't just keep doing this every year and
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: expect that they don't figure it out. That's fair. Finally
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: had to change the play. Is what he's realized very recently. Yes, yes, yes.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: The hard way. Okay. Record breakers. Submitted by Emma. Oh, Emma.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: Pony Soprano, whose ass I am destroying in fantasy football
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: this week. The horse's ass. Oh, a lot of asses
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: being destroyed. The ass is getting reamed, my man. But
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: it's because she keeps starting people that are injured. So. No,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: that'll do it. I'll take my victory however I can
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: get it. Okay, Jacob.
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: Robert Wadlow.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: Uh-huh.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: Is the tallest person in recorded human history.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: True.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: How tall was he at the time of his death
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: in 1940? In metric system. Oh, three stone. Three stone.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: Tall.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, your options are 8 foot 11.1 inches, 7 feet
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: 10 inches, 9 feet 1 inch, or 8 feet 5 inches.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: Daylight come and me one go home. You want me
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: to put those in order for you? I would. 7
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: feet 10. I don't think it's that one. I think
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: it's one of the eights. 8 feet 5. 8 feet 11.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: 9 feet 1. I'll go 8 feet 11. Yes. All right. Wow.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: I would have guessed 8 feet 5. I knew it
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: was 8 something. 8 feet 11. And he was still
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: growing when he died. Yeah, yeah. Don't we all? Yeah.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: He needed leg braces to walk due to his size.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: How old was he when he died?
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: Uh, 22 years old.
• 42:44
  Speaker 8: Wow.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: There was a display about him in a Ripley's believe
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: it or not museum that I went into one time. And, uh,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: they had an animatronic version of him. That could stand up.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: Like it was in a seated position while I was
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: just there. And then like you could hit a button
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: and it would stand up. Wow. And it was disconcerting. Okay. Yeah.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: And it not being a real person and everything in
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: the display.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: Also.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: Didn't help. Didn't help. But it was like picturing a
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: real person that tall. Yeah. Next to you.
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: His hometown of Alton, Illinois has a life-size bronze statue
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: of him. People stand next to it for photos and
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: feel unsettled for the rest of the afternoon. There you go.
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: Literally.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: He's too tall.
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: That's not right.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: He was too tall. See, ladies, this is why you
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: got to stop prioritizing.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: Men on height. I'm trying to remember the numbers for this,
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: but Peter and I were talking about this the other
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: day where he said he had seen where... Women want
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: tall men unless I think it's like six.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: Four, six, five and above.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: Then it's weird and they don't like it. I was like, okay.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: This poor son of a bitch. You know, make up
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: your mind, ladies. You know, this guy tries. And I
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: know he had like terrible physical problems and everything. He
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: had canes and everything that he had to walk with.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: He had braces he had to walk with. There's this
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: guy at my gym. He comes in every once in
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: a while. And like the pull-up bars, like I have
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: to jump up there to grab those to do pull-ups.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: You can do pull-ups. And he will just, yeah. He
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: will just like use them to stretch and he'll stand
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: and he'll just grab it and just kind of like
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: squat down a little bit.
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: And it's just, it's astounding. Yeah. To get a full
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: lat stretch. He has to like lower himself down and
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: hang from it. And like, I'm like amazed. And I
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: have this thought, like every once in a while, like, Oh,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: I wish I were that tall. But then I was like, No,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: I don't. Because flying in an airplane would be a
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: fucking nightmare. I think it's six. What's the height of
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: door frames?
• 44:44
  Speaker 5: As soon as you're as tall as a door frame,
• 44:47
  Speaker 5: then your life is terrible.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: You know who I'm kind of jealous of is Laura.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: Laura's very tall. It's something that doesn't get discussed on
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: the show. She's like a giraffe. But when we fly someplace,
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: every seat's a first class seat. She's just living her
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: best life. She could probably sit cross-legged. She does.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: There's no, she's like got her legs all up.
• 45:10
  Speaker 5: Dude.
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: That's how I felt at the concert. Like my daughter
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: is just sitting there living her best life. Like just
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: crisscross applesauce, just chilling. And like, I am like wedged
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: between all these humans. Like I can't do anything, but
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: Being short at concerts sucks.
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It wasn't nice to stand up and see things.
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: All right, Whitney, uh, Janine click, uh, Calment of Arliss,
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: France is the oldest verified human being in recorded history.
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: How old was she when she died in 1997?
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: Spoiler alert.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, this, there was like a whole thing about her.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: Cause they were like, did she use her daughter? I
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: don't know the math on this, but like a family
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: member's birth certificate, um, like maybe her daughters or something
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: to say that she was living longer, maybe as her
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: mom's anyway.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, probably be her mom's.
• 45:53
  Speaker 6: There we go.
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: That's so true. Yeah, like the daughter used her mom's
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: birth certificate, so it added 20 extra years or something.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: So I was going to say, well, what are options?
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: One coward. 119, 120, 122. 122 is going to be
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: my guess. 122 is my guess, so I'll stick with it. Yes.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: I could have.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: Gotten two points. 122 years, 164 days. She outlived her
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: daughter and her grandson. Oh, that sucks. Which just goes
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: to show that you don't want to do that. Yeah.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: She took up fencing at 85 and was still riding
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: a bicycle at 100. That's how she died. Bicycle accident.
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: She met Vincent Van Gogh as a teenager in her
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: father's painting shop.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 46:37
  Speaker 8: Wow.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: That's wild.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: You know what I think about my... My dad, when
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: his mom died, he was in his 70s. I mean,
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: he's still in his 70s, obviously. But he was in his,
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I think he was 72. And I
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: just thought, one, how weird is it as a parent
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: to see your child be elderly in their 70s? That's
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: got to be so crazy.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: I listen to Howard Stern a lot. He's just starting
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: a new season. I saw that.
• 47:05
  Speaker 5: Up-and-comer Howard Stern. That's right. Finally getting his break. Howard Stern,
• 47:09
  Speaker 5: the big question every year is, will he or won't
• 47:11
  Speaker 5: he retire? Because he's in his 70s, I want to say.
• 47:17
  Speaker 5: And his mother is still alive.
• 47:19
  Speaker 8: Wow.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: His father died like a year ago. Maybe a couple
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: of years ago.
• 47:23
  Speaker 5: But he's in his 70s, and his mother is right
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: around 100.
• 47:29
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: And yeah, it really is very odd. I remember I
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: had a patient come in once and she was like,
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: I'm here because I'm fighting with my daughter and she's
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: very entitled.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: And blah, blah, blah.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay. And I'm like, this was
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: on the phone. We're talking to this patient on the phone.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: She told me like, oh, my daughter's so entitled, just
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: takes my money and doesn't appreciate things I do for her.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: And her father and I have given her the world.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay. And I'm thinking, wow, that's like a
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: teenager or something like that. And I'm like, how old's
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: your daughter? And she's like, she's like 67. Isn't that weird?
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: And I was like, the fuck?
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: You pictured children as children?
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, ma'am. How old are you? She's like, oh,
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: I'm in my late 80s. I'm like, wow. There's that story.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: It was, I think, I can't remember what show it
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: was on. A late night TV show where Chris Martin
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: from Coldplay was on the show with Dick Van Dyke.
• 48:13
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: And he was doing something with Dick Van Dyke. And
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: because he was telling the story, he was over at
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: Dick Van Dyke's house. And his son... you know, Dick
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: Van Dyke, his father.
• 48:26
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: If he could turn on the water on the pool slide,
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: but his son is like 77 and Dick Van Dyke
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: is like 101.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: And he's like.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: Chris Martin's explaining this. He's like, it was such a
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: heartwarming moment. Yeah. 70 something years old. And he's like,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: can you turn on the pool slide? Never stops. I
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: think that never stops. That's so funny. All right, Jim.
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: Roy Sullivan, a Virginia Park ranger, holds the record for
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: the most times a human being has been struck by
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: lightning and survived.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: Poor bastard. How many times? Jesus, more than one? I'm
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: thinking maybe two or probably one and a half. Give
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: me options. Four, five, six, or seven.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: My brother-in-law has been struck by lightning twice. No! Wow.
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: And my mom has been struck by lightning.
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: Y'all are magnetic.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: I guess so. You're electric. What does it feel like?
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: I don't believe mom enjoyed it. Oh, really? Okay.
• 49:30
  Speaker 5: It didn't strike her. She was sitting at her desk
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: in the house.
• 49:34
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: Which is right next to an exterior wall.
• 49:38
  Speaker 5: And it's a sunroom. It's huge windows, the whole thing.
• 49:43
  Speaker 5: And there's a tree right outside of the window. So
• 49:45
  Speaker 5: as she was sitting there, the tree was probably four
• 49:48
  Speaker 5: feet away from her, and the tree got struck by lightning.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: It jumped through the wall. It hit her. It fried
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: all of the electricity, like all of the electrical lines
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: in the wall. There were just burn marks on the
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: wall where all of the electrical wires were.
• 50:02
  Speaker 4: Veins.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you could see the veins of the wall, basically.
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: It blew out windows. It vaporized her printer, which was
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: not plugged in. Oh, wow.
• 50:16
  Speaker 6: Jeez.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: Just the energy in the room. Yeah, it exploded it. Oh,
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: my God.
• 50:22
  Speaker 5: This probably isn't exactly true, but the pictures I remember
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: is there wasn't a part of a printer that still
• 50:27
  Speaker 5: looked like a printer.
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: Jeez.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: Because I've touched an electric fence before. I imagine getting
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: struck by lightning has got to feel like a hundred
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: times that. Have you ever bitten into... Oh, and she
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: went deaf for a couple of days. Oh, my God. Yeah.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: It's like biting into a popsicle. If you've ever done that,
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: I think that's fundamentally what it is to be struck
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: by lightning. You feel that shrill pain. Yeah, that sounds right.
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: I think this guy probably went through that on the
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: low end. I think four. Seven. God damn, buddy. Between
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: 1942 and 1977. Take the hint. God hates you.
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: He lost his eyebrows, had his hair catch fire multiple occasions.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: That does not smell good.
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, right?
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: Burning hair is the worst.
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: Burning hair is the worst.
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: I saw this thing that was talking about phrases that
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: are still repeated, but are just Very not true. She
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: is a hot, supple 19-year-old. Because it, in fact, mostly does.
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: There are places.
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: Turns out, it finds a spot, it likes it. Yeah.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: All right, so tie game. Do yourself a favor. Look
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: up Prince's halftime Super Bowl show. Ooh.
• 51:34
  Speaker 5: Where he, I forget what Super Bowl it was at,
• 51:36
  Speaker 5: but he performs in the middle of a rainstorm.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: There is a full-on thunder and lightning storm going on.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: He did play Purple Rain in the rain. He plays
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: Purple Rain in the rain. Best halftime show ever. It's
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: the best Super Bowl halftime show of all time. It's
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: one of the best concert moments of all time. It's fantastic.
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: Do yourself that favor. Another performer who would have known
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: this is my moment. Like, this is happening. Oh!
• 51:55
  Speaker 5: He definitely was very aware of it. The lights come
• 52:00
  Speaker 5: up and it's very obvious that he understands what is
• 52:04
  Speaker 5: happening and that he understands that he's about to fucking
• 52:06
  Speaker 5: destroy it.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: Of course he's aware of it. You think he's going to,
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: in the middle of the song, it's like, oh my God, guys,
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: I'm playing Purple Rain and it's raining. Minnesota. Pretty purple.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: That's a purple. All right. Fawning. Hello, hello. Can you
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: guys explain the fawn response? Is this a real concept
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: or is it just another social media buzzword? I'm a
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: big people pleaser, so I very much relate to this
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: concept and would like to hear more about it from
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: your perspective. Is this a problem that needs solving? If
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: people-pleasing causes me distress and it's something I'd like to change,
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: what are some good tips to break the habit? Thanks
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: so much. So maybe to kick it off, I can
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: just go over the word fawning. What is that? That'd
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: be great. What's a fawn response? And then we can
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: kind of pass around on people-pleasing and how humans fall
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: into this. And this happens all the time in therapy.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: It's something we're constantly doing battle with. So fawning is
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: the third part of the... Lots of deer involved. Don't
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: bring your pet deer to therapy!
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: Leave Bambi at home.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: We're not going to write a letter. You're not getting
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: this emotional support animal. So when humans get put into
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: stress or conflict, you've all probably heard fight or flight, right?
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: So fawn is sort of the third response. And basically,
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: people that develop this fawning behavior, what they'll notice about
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: themselves is that when they were growing up, They were
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: in the presence of people that would become really intense
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: and really irritable, and they were more powerful than them.
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: When you're a child and you've got older siblings that
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: beat you up or dominant parents or you're just in
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: circumstances in which bad things come towards you, one of
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: your survival skills could be to fight back and become
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: this Tasmanian devil who out-crazies the crazy. One of your
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: survival responses could be to flee, right? That you You abandon,
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: you hide, you shut down, you go silent, you disappear.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: You become the bass player for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Solid, solid. Again,
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: they met sleeping on couches, my man. That is the
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: whole premise. That's gonna be how we do this. The
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: third one is fawning. And so fawning is where you
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: learn how to make friends really quickly, how to be
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: really likable, how to be inoffensive to everyone. When somebody's
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: blowing up on you, And throwing all this anger at you,
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: you very quickly learn how to play to their considerations, right?
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: So you're complimenting them. You win likability with them. You
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: make them laugh. A lot of fauners use a lot
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: of humor as a deflection tool to win... to take
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: themselves out of danger at the end of the day.
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: They're trying to get people distracted away from what was
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: bothering them, or they learn how to make them like you.
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: And so a fawner- Appeasing is the word that this
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: uses a lot. Yes, yeah. And so they're constantly trying
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: to just somehow win over the danger. And people that
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: ultimately develop this adaptive strategy, they don't just do this
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: in the presence of conflict, though they will. And so
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: this can really haunt them throughout life. Whereas if they're
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: a fawner, Let's say they're in their relationship and instead
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: of standing up for themselves or running away or shutting down,
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: they're so afraid of conflict and so afraid of the
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: other person being unhappy that they're constantly trying to win
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: over their partner. That's their strategy of how to deal
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: with their marriages, to win them over, to be good
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: to them. If I'm just good enough and greater to them,
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: I'll earn this love. They'll finally be kind to me
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: or whatever it is. They'll do the same thing in
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: their social lives. They'll go out proactively and just constantly
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: try to just like win people over, make friends with them.
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: And just if they can get that sense of safety
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: through acceptance, through winning everybody over, everybody likes and everybody
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: approves of them, then they'll feel safe. So people that
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: develop this as a strategy flow into what the writer
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: talked about, which is like a pattern of people pleasing,
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: a pattern of not standing up for yourself, a pattern of,
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: you know, kind of giving away your rights and, you know,
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: things that you should be insisting on because your response
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: to conflict, you hate it so much, is that you
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: become ultra agreeable, ultra malleable, And ultimately, you fawn over
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: others in order to make them not attack you.
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: So what's the difference between that and just growing up
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: in the Midwest?
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe fawning is an ancient Greek word,
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: which means Midwest Ohio.
• 56:25
  Speaker 5: This is, because I'm reading up on it over here.
• 56:29
  Speaker 5: This is a nice little paragraph. It's not a formal
• 56:31
  Speaker 5: psychiatric diagnosis by itself. It's more of a descriptive term
• 56:36
  Speaker 5: used in trauma and stress decisions. Ordinary kindness or conflict
• 56:40
  Speaker 5: avoidance doesn't automatically mean someone is fawning.
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: No, no. Take that to the exaggerated point. So this
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: is not... Is this just conflict avoidance? So grade it
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: on a spectrum, grade it on a scale, right? So
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: you have people that just their disposition is that they're
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: likable and agreeable, your typical Midwest person, right? And then
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: there's cultural expectations of like, here we just try to
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: win people over, you'll get more flies with honey than vinegar,
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: that kind of thing. What fawning is, is taken all
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: the way over to this point that when frightened, this
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: person responds... By just being the dog that rolls over
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: and shows you its belly. It cannot show its teeth
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: and it cannot run away.
• 57:26
  Speaker 5: But this isn't necessarily pure conflict avoidance. And you can
• 57:30
  Speaker 5: be conflict avoidant without this.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's one of those Venn diagrams where
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: all fauners are conflict avoidant. Not all conflict avoidant are fauners. Great.
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: I've actually heard Bill Burr kind of talk about this
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: and realize that he does this in a way. Cause
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: he was doing this interview and he's talking about how
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: funny people do this all the time, but like how
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: he will lose his shit over tiny, tiny little things.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: But the big stuff, the big emergency.
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: Stuff that happens, he's just kind of like, all right,
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: I guess this is just how it's, how it is.
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: And he said, he kind of learned it as a
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: child that like, If the big thing happens, you don't
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: draw attention to yourself, otherwise the big thing comes after you.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: Right. So you play it cool, and then with all
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: of that pent-up energy, then you take it out on
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: the little shit. Interesting. Yeah.
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: I just watched an interview on a YouTube short of
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: him talking about his daughter coming to him for something
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: when she was like four. I almost cried watching it,
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: but I was like, man, he's been through some shit
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: in his life, so that checks out whatever he was
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: saying there.
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, all stand-ups have terrible lives.
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: It's just a mostly true fact. It's like a requirement.
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: But we need comedy in America. So I'm against human
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: suffering and abuse to an extent. But we still need
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: a comedy industrial complex.
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: You're willing to make the sacrifice.
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: And music. It's a shame that Amy Winehouse died. Yeah. But. But.
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: Made a lot of good music. Yeah, again, I'm anti-drugs
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: to an extent. There's a part where I'm like, but
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: we still need.
• 59:00
  Speaker 5: I'm against adults having other people's children come over and
• 59:04
  Speaker 5: spend the night at their house.
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: Okay. But Michael Jackson was a really good dancer. Michael
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: Jackson could dance. Separate the art from the music.
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: The.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: That's right. Really good dancer. Preach the controversy. The official stance.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: So people-pleasing. We see this a lot, don't we? A
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: lot of good people on both sides. That's right.
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: Good people on both sides.
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: At Neverland Ranch, there's good people on both sides. You're ignorant.
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: The giraffe. Again, the giraffe.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: Love your bubbles.
• 59:32
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: So fawning, you would say, is just a version of people-pleasing,
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: or do you think.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: I'd say it's the extreme version of that. The extreme
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: version of that. It's a trauma response.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think people who maybe grew up neat, using
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: the fawning response to survive probably are in general people pleasers.
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: Like you said, Jim, even if they are not in
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: danger per se, it's almost like a skill you have
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: honed so well and it benefited you. You got a
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: positive response from it. So why not just go ahead
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: and do that when you meet new people or you're
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: chatting with a friend or whatever. It's like if you
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: get any type of worrisome feedback or off-kelter feedback, it's like, oh,
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: maybe I should turn on like, no, it's You're the best.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, you're so great.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: In order to be safe in your environment. So fauners
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: will often have this weird feedback loop where if anything
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: feels off in their relationships, their environment, they are way
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: overreactive to that. They'll seem like a trauma response. What's
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: that word? It'll come to me later. But the behaviors
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: that come with trauma, it's dysfunctional behavior.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: No, I think I can... unfortunately relate to what the
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: writers is sharing.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: Um, I don't know.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: I think there was a time, especially being when I
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: was younger, you know, young adult age, I'm an old
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: adult now. Um, but then younger adulthood where it felt
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: like that, that really was your survival skill. Even if
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: you're talking about going to school, like with professors or anything,
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: it's just like, oh, let me get on their good side.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: Let me like kiss ass, whatever it is, because that
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: can't hurt, right? Like, and in some ways, yeah, the
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: flies and honey, whatever thing you mentioned earlier.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, to a degree, that's smart.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: But I think it leans, you can tell when it's like,
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: this is more than just, I think for ourselves, you
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: can tell when it's more than just, oh, I'm Just
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: being a likable person or, you know, trying to get
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: on their good side versus this matters so much to
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: me if this person likes me or not. Or that
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: says something about my value if a person doesn't like me.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: And that's a miserable place to live.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: It's not. It's kind of Stockholm syndrome, too. Like, it's
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: sort of like you try to flatter and win your abusers.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: And it's like, why? Like a healthy response is, oh,
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: fuck this person.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: Right. And usually that's because children can't leave situations. So
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: they're finding what works for them. And so I think we,
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: it's hard to transition into adulthood and realize, oh, I
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: can do things differently. It will be okay. So maybe
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: a little bit from personal experience, I think challenging those
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: thoughts because you can feel internally, typically when things are off,
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: you want to say or do something, but you'll maybe
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: think to yourself, well, I feel that turn on. Let
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: me lean into the spawning response, but you know it's
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: not aligned with maybe what you really want to do
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: or what you really want to say to this person.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: So I guess my advice, again, a little bit from
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: personal experience is just that Once you realize that and
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: are aware that there's like a misalignment there, then practicing
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: leaning into how to maybe kindly at first share what
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: you're thinking if you disagree with someone or if you
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: don't like something someone did. Because that space really does
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: feel better in the end because you are being your
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: authentic self. But it starts with being aware that that
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: is what's happening internally and then making a choice to
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: pursue the harder path. And maybe that comes with like realizing, yes,
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: I am safer. This person is my friend or I don't. Look,
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: people still like you even if you disagree or, you know,
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: you have likable qualities even if you're an asshole sometimes.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: Jacob. I don't know.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: That's my go-to thoughts on that. Nick, Midwest guy. Yeah,
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: whatever you guys think.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 7: I just agree with everybody.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: I think you guys are smart and good. Very good.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: Good stuff. Good stuff, everybody. Yeah. I don't have much
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: to add on this one. I'm sorry. I really don't.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: Just feeling attacked? Yeah. I feel like everyone's looking at me.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: We're going to practice the art of silence.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: No, but I do. I was actually having a talk
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: with my coworker about this, too. It's like you get
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: this moment, like, as an adult where you realize like, Oh,
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: I don't have to go along with this. Yeah.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 3: Like, and that's a very empowering thing. Like when you
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 3: finally realize that and you're like, especially like within family too, it's.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: Like, Oh, well, my dad says I got to do this.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: And it's like, Well, but I am 45. I can
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: not do that. And I'm going to be okay. That's
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: not how Dick Van Dyke talked to his dad.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: You know what, weirdly, I'm just realizing this now that
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: you say that, that was helpful for me was having
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: this moment where a friend of mine, like, And basically
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: stopped liking me or, you know, we had conflict. I
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: don't even think we directly worked it out. It was
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 2: just like, this person doesn't like you. You did this
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: thing that to them was shitty. Maybe it was, maybe
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: it wasn't, but they just don't like you. And at
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: first that feels bad. You're like, someone doesn't like me.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: Like what?
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: But then it was like, yeah, there's nothing I can
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: do to change that. In this one scenario, there's nothing
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: I could do. And it kind of forced me into
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: like realizing, oh my gosh, some people will just not
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: like you. And although that feels uncomfortable a little bit
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 2: right now, you realize it is okay. It will be okay.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: You can sit in discomfort. You know, I've said that
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: on here before.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: Also, when somebody doesn't like you and their response is
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: to leave you alone. oh my God, I love that person.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: That is the best response. That really is.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: I love that person so, so much. Like, oh, you
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: don't like me?
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 5: I hate that you don't like me. Your response though
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 5: is to not talk to me and not be around me.
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Brilliant.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: You don't like me doesn't mean I'm unlikable. I think
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: those are two different phrases using the same word. Like
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 2: just because someone doesn't like you doesn't mean you are unlikable.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: And so I think that's important.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: When I hear somebody say that they don't like me,
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: my immediate response is like the junior high part of
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: my brain is like, oh shit, who am I going
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: to sit with at lunch? Right. You know?
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: And then once you realize like, no, I can just
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 3: do whatever I want. Then it's like, I guess, I
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 3: guess I am going to be okay.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. No, I think this is a really good question.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: When I hear somebody doesn't like me, I'm like, that
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: fucking idiot.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: Well, I know. Jacob's like, can't relate.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: I'm a delight. You are the self-actualized man.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: That's why earlier you're like, I can't relate to this.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: I'm like, what part? Because this does not feel like
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 2: Jacob I am spawning.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, no. Smoothing things over, though.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 5: Like reacting to things and being likable and being funny
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 5: and everything.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I live my life on that.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: Which I think it's a very good adaptive skill, right?
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: I'd rather somebody be.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: You don't want to be abrasive all the time. That's
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: not going to go well for you.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: I'd like somebody to be diffusing rather than combative. I
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: think that society weeds that away. People that are overly
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: combative and confrontational are disliked and they're not invited, right?
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: And then eventually people just kind of get away from
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: them because they're not admired. Your self-certainty and douchebagginess does
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: not make you cool. Whereas people that are... They roll
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: with it. They use humor to defuse situations. They can
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: be self-effacing. And they do flatter other people. Those are
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: generally likable qualities. There's a reason why the fauners use them.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: They are socially enjoyed. And so I think that it's
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: easy for people to only get reinforced in fawning. And
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes it's what makes this a really hard
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: trauma response to break. Because, oh, abreactive was the word
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: I was looking for. Trauma responses are usually, we have
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: these abreactive, like, behaviors that we do that stand out
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: and make us seem off. And people will come up
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: to us and be like, hey, man, you jump when
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: somebody touches your shoulder. You get really anxious and panicky
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: and overreact in all these bad ways. But fauners sometimes
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: fly under the radar forever because their abreactive response is
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: to just make everybody happy. Be pleasant. Be extremely pleasant.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: Solve problems. Go the extra mile. All these self-sacrificing things
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: that are really anxiety responses. But, like, they seem great.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: And they're just like, wow, that person's really wonderful. And
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: it's like they're emotionally exhausted because they're going into survival
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: mode when that behavior comes out of them.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: But it's like their cup is emptying. So this is
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: something that if you read– I was going to recommend
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: a trauma book that I couldn't remember the title of.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, you left off Freeze earlier and the little– you
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 2: said fight, flight, fawn.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: Freeze.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Sorry. That's just bothering me. The other one that
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: some people like to do. A lot of F-words. If
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: you can't fight it, you can't run from it. By God,
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: you can fuck it. If you're going to go, go
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: like that. Go like a man.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 5: I'm going to tell you right now, you don't have
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 5: to out-fuck the bear. You just have to out-fuck your friend.
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: That's... We're going to take a quick break, and when
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: we come back, we're talking about constant anxiety, about losing
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: my job to AI. You're listening to Pod Therapy.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought... It's not AI. It's superior intelligence.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's super intelligence. Oh, yeah, yes, sir. Oh, sorry.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: I stand corrected. I, for one, welcome the robot overlords.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: Today's is brought to you... I'd like to go on
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: record as saying that right now, robot overlords.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: They're listening.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 3: Brought to you by Robert Browning, Junior Men's, Kayla Lansbury,
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 3: Kevin Chamberlain, Ben Stanley, Adam Hathaway, Dan Martin, Lib, Heyo,
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 3: Andrew Langmead, Chad Meg, Inka LaPrentz, and Dale McKay. And
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 3: if you'd like to sponsor the show, become a therapist
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 3: at patreon.com slash therapy.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 6: Jacob.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: In 1964, 17-year-old Randy Gardner... stayed awake for 264 hours,
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: 11 days. Yikes.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 3: With Stanford researchers monitoring his every deteriorating brain function.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: Okay. What was his original motivation? Do you want options
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: or do you want to just go on the fly?
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 6: No.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: What year did you say it was? 1964. Yeah, that
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: was Carson. He was up watching Carson. He was up. Yeah.
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: Final answer. Your options are a local San Diego science
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: fair project. Okay. A bet with his high school football
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: team about human physical limits, a high school psychology class
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: extra credit assignment, or a military research contract offering a $ 10, 000 prize.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 5: I liked all of the others, and I didn't like
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 5: the military research one until there was money.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. In fact, there was a prize, but the military.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 2: 11 days is a lot.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: That's a fucking long time.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: Like, what would motivate you to... Money.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 2: In the 60s, $ 10, 000.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: You could buy half the planet for that in the 60s.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 5: There were horrifying sleep deprivation experiments done by the Nazis
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 5: in World War II.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: And, like, it's just... You keep people from sleeping, and
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: it's just... I think it might be the worst thing
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: you could do to a person. Like, it really might
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: just be the worst thing you can do to a person.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: Um.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'll go, I'll go a science fair.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: All right. Excellent. Uh, he didn't win. Uh, so during
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: the 11 day experiment, he, uh, he experienced hallucinations, paranoia,
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: and a period where he became convinced he was a
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: famous football player, uh, He then spent 14 hours. It
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: was Joe Theismann.
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 3: He then slept 14 hours and said he felt fine.
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 3: Sleep researchers have since documented that he has suffered severe
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 3: chronic insomnia for decades afterwards.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 6: What?
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 3: The boy who stayed awake the longest cannot sleep. So
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 3: this is not a metaphor. This is his actual life.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: Jesus. Oh, my God. My sleep is fucked. And once
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: your sleep gets fucked, I'm beginning to think it's actually
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: impossible to unfuck it.
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 2: That's interesting. I never thought about that, how half sleep
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: history is what severely affects the future. So I just
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: thought you just get.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: Back on track. No, I don't think you do.
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 3: 11 days without sleeping. That has got to completely.
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: Destroy your brain.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: Well, and he was young. It was high school?
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: Like i feel like your brain's developing it's like all right.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: We don't want to sleep i had a very similar
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 1: situation that in high school where i did not sleep
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: i want to say for two or three days what
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: and i remember and i don't remember why i just
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: didn't for whatever reason so no but i was a
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: teenager but like no sleep and then when i got
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: to like the third day i realized like oh my
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 1: god i really haven't slept this whole time like there's
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: always something going on i've been up and i and
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: i started thinking like i really i think it's dangerous
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: like i was having like Oh, it's weird. Your brain
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: starts doing weird shit. Yeah. I remember feeling like my
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: inner dialogue was off, like the voice inside of my
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: own head started to feel really powerful. Or for me,
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: I get super clumsy. Yeah.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: I get very clumsy. Super bad. I can't really walk straight.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 2: See, it's like aligned with when you're drunk or whatever.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: It's like the same levels.
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: I can't walk a straight line. Yeah.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 5: If you put down a tape line and tell me
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 5: to walk heel-toe on it, I can't do it. I
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 5: remember that at the end of this thing, I was-
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 5: I'm also drunk. Yeah, that also- Very drunk.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: It really helps, though.
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 2: I just also haven't slept.
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: I remember at the end of this series of not
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: being able to sleep, I remember trying to go to
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: sleep and I remember laying in bed like desperately wanting
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: to sleep. And I remember bawling my eyes out because
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: I thought I have forgotten how to go to sleep.
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: I can't remember how you do that. So I just
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: sit here and the computer is always on and I
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: couldn't turn it off. And I remember I was losing
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: my mind. I was 15. I remember just like really
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: not being okay. Honestly, I think the longest I've gone
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: without sleep is like 25 hours. Wow.
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 6: I know.
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I've gone two full nights.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: I don't think.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 3: I have a hell of a time staying awake for
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 3: New Year's Eve. If I can make it to midnight.
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 5: Oh, I don't believe that I have this skill now,
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 5: but at one point in my life, I could regularly do,
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 5: like I could just.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: Skip a night. Oh, God. Pretty regularly. I could do
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: two full days and really just be okay. I can
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: do it if I need to. That's the thing is
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: I can still do it. I can do that if
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: I need to.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: Two nights is pushing it.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 2: I was going to say, yeah, two nights. I don't
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: know if I can.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: Like I used to be able to do, like if
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: I was working, if I was building a new show,
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 1: I could do like 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. and
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: then go straight to my night show from there. And
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: so like I'd just work from like 7 a.m. to midnight.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 5: And then get up and do it again the next day.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 5: And I'd do that for like three months while we
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 5: were putting a new show together. And I could do it.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 5: I could do it and I could fight my way
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 5: to the end of it.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: I don't think I can do that now. I think
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 1: that muscle is just gone. Yeah. It's drained. Yeah. I
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: feel like I need a nap right now.
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 2: I'm getting tired.
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: I am getting tired. Hurry up. Get through this trivia.
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: Sleep on this couch, buddy. Build a band. All right. Whitney.
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: Whitney.
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 3: Kevin Shelley set the world record in 2007 for the
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 3: most toilet seats broken with one's head in one minute.
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 3: What was the number?
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 2: One.
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: It's one. They put him right in the book because
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: they were like, we're fine. You did it.
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 2: No one else should do this ever.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: You're the winner. The answer really might be like six.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: 31, 23, 46, 52.
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 4: Oh, man.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: 52, almost won a second. 46.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, goddamn.
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: You guys are fucking killing it today. If there's one
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 1: thing Whitney knows. It's toilet seats.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: I break a lot of those.
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, there's not a doubt in my mind. If we
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: pull the room, Whitney has broken the most toilet seats
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: in the room. Well, I use them the most. Not
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: a single doubt in my mind.
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 2: I use them the most, okay?
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: I didn't say why I was getting that math. Just
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: the math I'm doing.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: Gendered.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: Statistically true.
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 3: He trained for this. So the Guinness Senate Committee, they
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 3: verified it, has been published in the same books as
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 3: the Nobel Peace Prize recipients every year since 2007.
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 2: Rightfully so.
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: All right. Jim.
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 5: I think I'm still in the Guinness Book for largest
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 5: cotton candy sculpture.
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 6: Oh.
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 1: We did that with Ali Spagdola several years ago down
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: in Austin. That's right. Jim, your hero, Joey Chestnut, said
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: his personal best at Nathan's famous international hot dog eating
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 1: contest in 2021. How many hot dogs and buns did
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: he consume in 10 minutes? I'm just going to shoot
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 1: from the hip. Okay. Somebody's got to. Damn it. Somebody's
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: got to stop playing it safe around here. How long?
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: 10 minutes? Yes. This is his world record for the
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: most hot dogs. I'm going to say in 10 minutes,
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 1: I'll bet you he can do... 60 a minute seems impossible.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: So let's cut that down to about, boy, 30 in
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: a minute seems impossible. Let's go to 20 in a minute.
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: And in 10 minutes, that's 20 times 10, 200 hot dogs.
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: Give me 200 hot dogs, Alex. Sorry, you were off
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: by like 130. 130. 76 hot dogs. 76 hot dogs
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: went down his throat. Some of them even had buns
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: wrapped around them.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 3: That's 7.6 per minute. One hot dog every 7.9 seconds.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 3: That sounds delicious.
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: It does sound really good, actually. I love hot dogs.
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: I could go for a hot dog. Have you ever
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: tried eating a saltine cracker doing four in one minute? Oh, yeah.
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: I've heard of this challenge. It seems so easy. It is. Yeah,
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 1: you can't, because by the second one, your mouth has
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: no moisture left.
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 5: Can you put all four of them into your mouth
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 5: at the same time? Am I allowed to do all
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 5: four at once? Nope, you gotta fully digest one, and
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 5: then you.
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's the trick. I've done a tablespoon of cinnamon,
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: and that was instant death. Nope, never done that. Four
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 1: saltines in the butthole, though, very achievable goal. Mm-hmm.
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: Also, the original lyrics to that song, Three Coins in
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: the Fountain. Is this the new episode title? Didn't Lee Greenwood?
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 1: Lee Greenwood wrote that. Four Crackers in the Butthole by
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: Lee Greenwood. Four crackers in the butthole.
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 4: That is where I keep my food. Some people use
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 4: a lunch pail, but. I prefer to keep them when
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 4: I'm nude.
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. All right. I'm winning. We're going to
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 1: skip the last question for today. We're going to punt
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: it to the next episode. I just came up with
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 1: a perfect Lee Greenwood song off the top of my head.
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: That's pure.
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 2: Talent.
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 1: The world is winning. Welcome, America. All right, so we
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: are at the end of the show, I think. And
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: as we wrap up, I want to remind you to
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: go to patreon.com slash therapy. You can sign up for
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: our extended show ad-free a day earlier, as well as
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: enjoy our spontaneous deep dives, interviews, skill shares, research roundups,
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 1: and rants, and enjoy our live chat Discord community every Wednesday.
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 1: Whenever the episodes come out, you can enjoy the conversation.
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: with others. And as we record this episode, we've got
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: some people to thank. Who's new to the TheraParty there, Nick?
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: We got two new ones. We got a new theropod,
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: Joseph Wager. I think it's pronounced Wagner, but go on. Okay.
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: And we got a new therodactyl, Lee Greenwood. Oh, man.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 4: I'm proud to be a therodactyl, or at least I
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 4: can say bye.
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: And draw on our faces at ScoopFest. That's right. As
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: is your right. Anywhere that you see.
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 5: Seafood Sugar Cookie performing, you are allowed to draw on
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 5: them with whatever implement you have.
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 2: I can't wait.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: As the groupies.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 2: $ 10 and higher.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: $ 10 and higher. Go ahead. And you can't just jump
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: to that tier that day. You have to already be
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: on that tier. Yeah, that's right.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 2: What's the waiting period? 48 hours?
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 1: It's a cool down period. Same as buying a gun.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: I think it's one sleep before. At least one sleep.
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: One sleep till Christmas. That's it. One sleep till drawing
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: on seafood sugar cookie. That's right. It's the first week
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 1: of the month, and so we like to thank, at
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 1: least for now, I'm going to put an end to
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: this the next season, all the theropods and up. So
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: we want to thank Brian Lehman, University Jeff, Robert Paulson,
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: Richard Bruins, Linda Brandmeier, Scoopstronaut, Joseph Pangrazio, Corey Owens, Christine Phillips,
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: Take It EV Podcast, Gavin Bristow, Carrie Terhart, Kiwi Fruit Scoop,
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: Craig Little, Jim Hunter, Scoopatron, Todd Canfield, David Sorensen, Felicia Butler,
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: Shayla Bullock, Lauren Izzo, Patum Atom, Patum Atomnuzo, nailed it.
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 1: Katie Chwakalski, Matt Slenegrin, Scoopitor, Sending That Josh Guy, What Weekend,
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: Mama Ninja Scoop, James Dawson, Grumpy Lake, Mead Park Ranger,
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: Sam Buck, Karen McCulloch, Kimist, Lila, Kelly Gagner, Nippy, Brian Emra,
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 1: Matthew Johnson, Alec Lancaster. I'm sorry, Dr. Alec Lancaster. Ooh.
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: He has defended his thesis, and a bunch of our
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: listeners joined his Zoom to cheer him on as he
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: defended his thesis at CERN. That is adorable. It fucking ruled. Oh, doctor?
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the club. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he said,
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: what advice do you have? And I said, do not
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 1: gamble your doctorate on trivia, no matter how confident you are. Do.
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 1: He may have defended it at CERN, but he hasn't
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 1: defended it here. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Bring it
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 1: on to pod therapy, you coward. Then you can really
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: carry it. You have to earn it.
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 2: J.D.
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 1: Congan, Julius Kappel, Matthias van de Brandt, Drew Helegy, Ken Tinsley, Findley,
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 1: or Flindy, if you're naughty, Freya Lawson, Timu Ricky Gervais,
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: Duffy the AMFT Therapist Bear, Matthew Kubik, Chad Chad the
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: Safety Lad, Scoop, Knack, Patty Whack, Almost Dr. Nurse Joey,
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 1: Philip Guyton, Tim Mystery, Kirka Grimm, Trisha Ortiz, D.J. Seward,
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 1: Melissa L. Geisler, Mississippi Hippie, Scott A., Trontastic, Patty Glad,
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: Heather W., Anthony Camerata, Kyle, David Williams, Kate Police, Adam Goff,
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: Buddy Dobbins, Kernipillar, Jamebe, Persephone Hazard, Eric Dyer, Glitch Scoop,
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 1: Nathan Mookie, Bug Nuts, Stephen Landon, Alita Balais, Adam Balaz,
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: John Finlayson, Carmen Perry, Kay Pizzle Dizzle, Kenneth Wong, Robert Cole, Mr. Poth,
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: Jeff Darnell, Temporary Reality, Jacob Hurt, KJ, Ray J. Shark,
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 1: Silke Daniels, Recreated, Alex Jardine, Ben Sherman, Jacob B., Kay Trauma,
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 1: Sherry Hare, Dylan Colopy, Ashling Carton, Wolfie05, Kevin Tribe, Chris Courtney,
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 1: Linus Hakasan, Cedar Hayden, Terrible Tay, Itty Bitty Chicken Farmer, Sam, Grace,
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: Kate K., Matthews, Chill Food, okay, John Calvarus, Biathlon Anna,
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 1: Zachary W., Salmon Scoop, Almonda Nora, Charm City Therapist, Emily Cope, Jereva,
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: Nate Walk, Scoop Bucky, Squabby, The Listician, Winter Scoop, Cloudy Pies,
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 1: Hunter McRae, L.C., Chris Andreas, S.M., Matthew Connor, Neck Pubes, B.B. Hermit, S.C. Platypus,
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: Sam Mervs, Kyle Sharton, Reneo K., Sherry Phillips, Matt Codd, Bob,
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: Peas and Clams, Sunrise, Chelsea Saracen, Garrett Godfrey, Gavin Williams,
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 1: Tanya McCree, Finn Rainelbeads, Tom Power, A.I., or Al, I
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 1: can't tell, Shartfire, Christy, Valentino Gomez, Faye, Joseph Wagner, Claudia Duhan,
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 1: and Scoop Shooter.
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 2: We also have our pterodactyls, Scoop Brady, Ice Blue Scoop,
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 2: Frozen Cusser, Andrea Anderson, Lori Elsroth, Polygon, Scoopy Scoopy, Jess Jess,
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 2: Sai Shanagon, Okie Scoop, Dank Buddha, Adam Ribchick, Lovely Spark, Badumts,
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 2: Jim and Manu, Equestie Quithant, Casey Mentermavich, Mike Lush, Rebecca Boonstra,
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 2: and Rian Azra. Rian Azra.
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 1: That's fun. And of course, we'd like to thank our benevolent,
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: revered generous... So Pickett got on the Discord and let
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: us know, even though they are owed Whitney's feet pics,
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: they are going to polite pass on that.
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm offended.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 1: Pickett, you can donate them. Oh, that's right. You can
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: donate the Whitney feet pic membership. We don't want them
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: to go to waste. No, no. Nothing is more wasteful
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 1: than the bucket of Polaroids we have of Whitney's feet.
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: All taken without her knowledge. That's the only way we
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 1: like to get them. And those are going somewhere, Pickett.
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 1: Donate them to a charity of your choice. Can I
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: recommend an orphanage? I think that would be lovely. We'd
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 1: like to thank the benevolent, revered, generous, and flagrantly pro-therapy
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 1: diehard who loves you all so much. They give till
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 1: it hurts. Our Thera partner, Pickett. And we want to
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 1: thank our bosses, the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati members of
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 1: our fan club, the Thera producers. Thank you, Jake Schneider, Myra,
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: Robert Brownie Jr., Mint, Smitty Scoop, Richard fucking Macy, Judy Schneider, Malia,
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 1: Leon Kassab, Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlain, Tess Miller, Dammy.
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 7: Scoop, Dan Martin, Sammy Scoop, Slurpy Kai, motherfucker, Ben Stanley,
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 7: slapping your face, Sarah Smith, Adam Hathaway, Byler T, Mike Helm,
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 7: Oscar Swanrose, Paris, A Sunny Boy, Darren Cunningham, Lib, Sandra McWaffle,
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 7: Team Monaco, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Heyo, Hannah Marie, Andrew Langmead, Emma, Tonka,
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 7: and Pony Soprano, who needs to change her fucking lineup
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 7: in fantasy football.
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 1: Don't do it. Alina, Brady Malachick, do you even manage
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 1: your team or is Peter doing it?
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 2: Peter reminds me, he goes, we need to change your
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 2: lineup just in case.
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh. Peter's a saint. Okay. Chick Felicio, Gabrielle Adame,
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: Sean Sutherland, Max Ginger Scoop, Chad Mag, Adam Warren, Inca LePrinz,
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 1: Sam Cohn, B Gay Do Crimes, Ellie O'Dare, Not Cure Nightly,
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 1: Amy Ardvark, Edgar Allen Ho, and Dale the King. And
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 1: if you'd like to hear this episode uncut and unedited.
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: And why wouldn't you?
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 3: And enjoy our spontaneous side projects, go to patreon.com slash therapy.com.
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 3: And thank you for supporting us all.
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 1: Well, that's all the time we got for this week's session.
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 1: We'd like to thank our landlords, Beaver Dog, definitely a
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 1: dog that is named Beaver and is not looking like
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 1: a beaver. And thanks to those of you who contributed
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 1: to our show today. We really appreciate it. Remember, pod
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: therapy is something to keep all to yourself. Share the
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 1: episode with the world. Tag us on the socials when
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 1: you do. It's at pottherapyguys on Instagram, threads, and Twitter,
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 1: slash pottherapy on Facebook. And don't forget, find all the
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 1: extra goodies at patreon.com slash therapy. Do you want to
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 1: submit a question to the show?
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 3: You can ask anonymously at pottherapy.net, email us at pottherapyguys
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 3: at gmail.com, or click the link in the episode description
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 3: to be taken to our anonymous Google form.
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 1: I'm Nick.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 2: I'm Whitney.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: I'm Jim. Thanks, and we'll see you for your appointment
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 1: next week. Ah, good show, everybody. Yeah.
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 2: Good times.
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: That was a show.
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 2: Indeed.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 6: See ya.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 2: Bye.