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THE TRUTHIE-TRUTH · The Karen Kenney Show

• 0:01
  Karen Kenney: Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. Oh my God. Let me tell you about this episode. I was gonna say it right now. Buckle up for safety. Okay, so
• 0:17
  this is you can tell when I start to move my hands. If you're listening to this and not watching this. I just move my hands up to like, like, the top of my chest, and just
• 0:26
  started, like, kind of dragging my fingers, like rubbing this is something I do. And I'm like, Oh, God, this is, this is one of those episodes. I've been wanting to do this
• 0:35
  episode for a long time. And every week, you know, I have this little random list of like, literally, like scraps, pieces of paper. I'm holding it up for some of you to
• 0:44
  see. I just write down notes sometimes, and things about, like, ideas that I have, the things that pop into my head, you know, s, t o, t, J, spiritual team on the job. And so
• 0:53
  this topic has been something that I've been wanting to talk about for a while. And every week when I would like go to do it. It's just like, nope, pump the brakes, nope,
• 1:04
  nope. But, but this morning, this morning, I realized that it was time because of something that happened last night, which gave me the little nudge, the little nudge
• 1:17
  right, the little like, I get off your ass, kid, let's go. It's time to do this thing. So I'm going to call this episode The truthy truth, the truthy truth. So this is a name
• 1:33
  that I came up with. It's one of the chapters of my book, my memoir. And so it has to do. It has to do with many experiences in my life, but there's one
• 1:46
  scene in particular in the book that this really points to. But before I get into all of that, let me just tell you a little other story that kind of gave me it's the nudge
• 1:57
  story, the thing that made me want to do it. Okay, so if any of you are aware of, like, the Batman stories, right? A lot of us, a lot of us, people, like, in our 50s and
• 2:07
  stuff like that, and obviously beyond, right? There's new generations who have grown up with Batman, but not the Batman that, like, we grew up with, like, way back
• 2:14
  in the day, like Batman and Robin. But if you do, you know about the villain, right? The Penguin and so HBO right now is HBO Max, or just Max, I guess they call it now. Is
• 2:27
  has a whole show right now called the penguin. And I don't even know what to tell you, if Colin Farrell does not win, does not win some sort of Award for his performance
• 2:39
  in this series, I would just be gobstopped. I would be flabbergasted. I don't even know how I would feel about it. It is just brilliant, brilliant, his acting or
• 2:52
  whatever. Okay, without giving away too much, I don't like to do because I love good storytelling, and I love good writing, and I love good shows, and I hate it when people
• 3:04
  give away too much, like spoilers. So I'm going to try to talk about this. I'll just say this without going into too much detail, there is a scene when the penguin is put in
• 3:14
  a position with somebody that he loves, where if he doesn't finally tell the truth, there are going to be some dire consequences. Now, what's interesting about
• 3:27
  this isn't so much about him telling how do I say this? Not only does he not want to say the truth out loud, what he about about a situation and things that happened. The
• 3:44
  biggest thing of this scene is that he doesn't want to admit the truth to himself. Not only is he withholding the truth from other people in this scene who like in their
• 4:01
  hearts, in their guts, already know the truth, but he just cannot, even under threat of harm to somebody else, he cannot bring himself to tell himself, except for himself,
• 4:16
  what I call the truthy truth. Now this is a very dangerous thing when we are not able to be honest with ourselves, number one, about our own path in something, our own
• 4:34
  responsibility, the ways that we blew it, the ways that we screwed up or didn't do the thing, or did the thing when we shouldn't have, etc, etc, etc, you know? And I'm sure,
• 4:45
  double Amen hands, I could stop right now. I could stop this show right now with a bunch of people saying, Oh yeah, I know a bunch of people who will not admit the truth to
• 4:53
  themselves, whatever. And we are all. We have, all in some shape, way or form, have done the. In our life. So none of us get out scot free or clean. You know what I'm
• 5:03
  saying. So this isn't me finger pointing or finger wagging. This is me just bringing up something that I think is wicked important in our personal development, in our
• 5:14
  spiritual practices, in our spiritual development, right? Is that we have to have, you know, truthfulness, Satya, honesty, first and foremost, with ourselves. It's one
• 5:25
  of the things that I always say when I work with people one to one, but also when I start a group call in the nest. So the nest is my spiritual group mentorship program.
• 5:36
  And you know, it's a beautiful community. We have calls twice a month. And one of the things I often say as we begin the call is, may you have the courage, may you be brave
• 5:47
  enough to be honest, first and foremost, with yourself and then with others. It's something that I often say to encourage people to know that this is where big change
• 6:02
  can happen. But a lot of times we don't want to have to admit the truth, accept the truth, see the truth. And in my own life, this has shown up, right? And in particular,
• 6:16
  I don't want to tell too much of the story, because I always say it'll like, it'll be in the book, you know, but there was, let's just say, an adult in my life who behaved in
• 6:26
  very particular ways that for a wicked long time I just refuse to accept that. What those I refuse to take a really clear like get just push away the emotions, push away
• 6:43
  the neediness, the code, like all all the stuff that existed there. And it dawned on me, and this is why I called this chapter this word I made up the truthy truth. One of
• 6:52
  the things that I say is I didn't want the truthy truth. I didn't want to have to accept the truth about this person and their choices and their actions and their
• 7:02
  behaviors, because to do that, to do that, was going to what I call rearrange all the furniture pieces of my life, like me and my nervous system needed the Truth to not be
• 7:20
  true in order for me to maintain what, at the time, felt like my sanity, but it was so subconscious, right? I wasn't even aware at the time in this particular story, I wasn't
• 7:33
  even aware of how much I protected that other person in my mind because to accept who they really were, what they really did, how they were behaving, the things that the
• 7:48
  fucked up, things that they were doing, to really see it clearly and accept it. I really feel like my nervous system was just not ready for it. There had already been too
• 8:01
  much trauma, too much drama, too much uncertainty, too much fear, too much,
• 8:07
  you know, lack of stability to like, pull out. Imagine, like, jet, you know that game, Jenga, okay, you know how, like, sometimes you can move out some pieces, and you can
• 8:19
  keep messing with that thing, and you can get away with it, man, you can pull out some things. You can remove some things, but there's gonna come a tipping point that
• 8:28
  where you pull out that one remaining piece, and that whole thing is gonna tumble down. That whole thing is gonna crumble down. And sometimes, like one of the things that I say
• 8:40
  as a result of the truthy truth is I realized, like I say, in my mind, I can no longer protect people from themselves, meaning I can't protect their reputation, I
• 8:51
  can't protect their identity, I can't protect their stories anymore, because to do so, to continue Not accepting the truthy truth would be more harmful to me and like
• 9:06
  again, I go back to like that Jenga analogy, or rearranging the furniture pieces in my life. It's kind of like if I allow this to sink into my consciousness, my awareness, if
• 9:19
  I accept the truth of this situation, right? The reality, the RE if the real gets really, really real, then it's going to be emotionally really painful and difficult to
• 9:34
  accept this. Now we see this sometimes in I mean, across the board, across the board. I could give you 1000 examples, but we see it sometimes in when little kids, as they start
• 9:48
  to grow up, right as they get a little bit older, they don't want to they don't want to accept the truth about their parents and the fact that maybe their parents weren't
• 9:58
  perfect. So they make a. Excuses for some of their behavior. They make them the hero. They make them the king or the queen. They make them these almost like mythological
• 10:09
  figures, right? And put them up on these pedestals and refuse to see how they are in the world, the choices they're making again, who they're being how they're speaking to
• 10:21
  people, how they're treating people, their actions, what they're doing, and we don't know yet, because it's a survival mechanism to not accept the truthy truth. And when I
• 10:33
  watched the show last night, the Penguin i watched like we lost watched the last two episodes of the series, and it was like getting punched in the gut. And I just kept
• 10:42
  saying to my sweetie, you know, like I was just like, he just can't. I was like, come on, like, not even now, even with this, you're not gonna and I just said out loud,
• 10:51
  he can't admit it to himself. Like he just can't. He can't accept the truth of himself to himself, you know. But not only can we sometimes not accept the truth of ourselves
• 11:01
  to ourselves, we sometimes because we're protecting not only that other person, we're protecting this identity or this idea that we created of them in our minds, because to
• 11:12
  otherwise, to see them otherwise, means we might have to accept some really uncomfortable truths, one of the biggest ones being they didn't really love me. Now,
• 11:32
  in fairness, it might not be that they, quote, unquote, didn't love you. It's more so that they maybe didn't know how to love you. Maybe they didn't have good experiences
• 11:47
  in their own childhood with being a parent or being us, whatever, right. They weren't taught how to be any better than the ancestral and generational trauma and
• 12:00
  bullshit that rolled downhill to them, okay, having said that, right? Having said that, having to sometimes accept that our parents or other people really just aren't perfect,
• 12:14
  right? Everybody has their stories, their history, their patterns, their habits, their traumas, all that stuff, right and but here's the thing, here's the thing that I
• 12:25
  often say, even that phrase, they were doing the best that they can. I always add in at the end, in parentheses, sometimes, sometimes people truly are doing the best
• 12:44
  that they can with what they have available to them, and whether that's education, whether that's like having a mentor or somebody else who showed you having better
• 12:57
  examples, having resources or tools. I think that is true. Sometimes people are doing the very best they can with what they had, and sometimes, because let's just, here we go,
• 13:09
  the truthy truth. Sometimes those motherfuckers just don't care about you. They just don't care about you. What happened to you, what their choice or their
• 13:20
  words or their whatever, how it was going to affect you, because they were not thinking about you at all. So I think we sometimes in the spiritual realm and in the personal
• 13:31
  development real with all these little memes and all these little short quippy posts, you know, like yes and yes, and there are exceptions, right? And sometimes people were
• 13:43
  not trying very hard at all. They were not interested in doing their best, because all they cared about was themselves and what they wanted and what they were feeling.
• 13:55
  However, I do think that most of us, when we know better, we do better. And I think that each individual, as we get older, as more free resources become available, and I've
• 14:13
  talked about this before, I understand that not everybody has a phone, not everybody has a computer, not everybody has an iPad or an i watch or access to the internet or
• 14:22
  whatever, the one thing I can say that remains free are libraries. Libraries were, I always say they were. I love libraries. They were a saving grace for poor kids like
• 14:33
  me. Libraries, in many ways, have so many resources that level the playing field, not obviously across the board, but in a lot of ways, libraries can help fill in the gaps
• 14:46
  and empower us and give us access to things like the internet, to books, to now, now again, we could go down the line. I know not everybody can read, not everybody can get
• 14:57
  not everybody is able bodied and can get to the i. Understand this is nuance. I understand it's deeply nuanced. But one of the things that the point I'm trying to make
• 15:05
  is we have so many resources available to most of us these days where I no longer I talk about the point I'm trying to make is a lot of times we will say, Well, they did
• 15:18
  this, right? We go into excuse land. Well, they did this because I know their dad was an alcoholic, or they were sexually abused as a child, or they just didn't know any
• 15:29
  better, or they blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, fill in the blank. Now look, they were drunk. They were they didn't mean to hit me like we make up reasons and excuses and
• 15:42
  excuses and excuses. And while that is often true, people often do right. They replicate. They replicate their earliest experiences right, abuse, abuse, children sometimes
• 15:59
  become abusive, right? People who were molested as children sometimes become molesters, etc, etc. There are these patterns that do happen. However, here's
• 16:11
  what I'm trying to say. One of the things that I often say, I've said it on the show before. I say it to my clients. I say it all over the place, while trauma can certainly
• 16:24
  and I have deep compassion. Hello, I know what it's like to have some trauma. I have deep compassion for people who have been traumatized in their life. And while trauma
• 16:32
  explains a lot of things, right, we can say, oh, trauma like, Yeah, this is probably why that and x, y and z, and this points to that. And a, you know, the ankle bones
• 16:42
  connected to the shin bone, right? We can, we can point back, and we can try to make sense of it. We can try to explain it. So while trauma explains a lot of things, there
• 16:51
  hits an age, a time, a point in our development where it no longer excuses things we have got to be the kind of people that want to be better, do better, show up,
• 17:04
  better, behave better.
• 17:07
  I mean, this is the whole point. I mean, what's the whole point of life if we're not, in some ways, trying to evolve, trying to grow or expand our perception, learning new
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  ways of being, learning new ways of thinking, getting out of these small boxes of our childhoods and our traumatic experiences right to widen out. I'm doing
• 17:32
  this thing with my hands, like, why shifting out, shifting out that perspective, to have a new perspective. This is what reading does. This is what, oh, my God, this is what
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  you know good education can do when we're introduced to really great teachers who help us to think differently. And this is so much of what I do in my work. I'm not out as a
• 17:54
  spiritual mentor, as a coach, as a yoga teacher, as all the hypnotists, all these things that I do. I'm not trying to quote, unquote, fix people that's not interesting
• 18:05
  to me. I'm trying to help people to broaden and shift out, to shift their perspective from fear to love, to see that there are other ways of thinking and feeling in being,
• 18:19
  so that you can lead a happier, more peaceful, quote, unquote, better life, whatever the word better means to you that you have the capacity to be different than
• 18:31
  your, you know, than your earlier experiences, if that's something you want to do. Now, look, some people have amazing childhoods. Have really supportive and
• 18:40
  loving families and siblings and origin family experiences like double A men hands like, god bless like, I'm wicked happy for you. But most people I know, most of the
• 18:53
  people that I encounter, even if they're not aware of it, we can all use a little work. You know what I'm saying? It's like who we are, who we are, that capital S self, that
• 19:06
  most true divine self, is already perfect. That's not the pattern talking about right, how you came through as an innocent child of the Divine Right, as an innocent being, you
• 19:17
  were already lovable, you were already worthy, you are already good. You are already good enough. You know what I mean? I'm not talking about that. I'm talking
• 19:26
  about the things that happen that start to shape us in the way that we perceive ourselves, the world, the stories we tell about ourselves, our identity, all that
• 19:37
  stuff, the personality, the ego, personality, that's the stuff that could often use a little, a little compassion, of course, a little understanding, and then
• 19:49
  maybe a little bit of, I don't even want to say resolution, but maybe just a new way of perceiving and looking at things and realizing that there's a ton of. Tools out
• 20:00
  there, and there are people who can support us on this journey. So we're no longer making excuses for our own behavior, our own patterns, our own habits of why we do what
• 20:12
  we do, think, what we think, say, what we say, the ways that we be in the world, right? Because while those things that happened to us might explain a lot of
• 20:23
  things, like how those survival mechanisms were in place, why we made excuses for other people, why we don't want the truthy truth all that stuff. We don't want to be the
• 20:34
  people who walk around making excuses for shit when we're in our 30s and 40s and 50s and 60s and 70s and beyond. Now, look, there are some people that are just not interested
• 20:43
  at all in change. They just want to keep everything swept under the rug. They don't want to look at the things that happen to you. They don't want to admit that they
• 20:51
  played a patent. They don't want to have to face the fact that they were not they did not bear witness for you at that time, I know a lot of people who say, you know, when
• 21:03
  you find out about whether they were raped or there was awful, like, you know, sexual assault, molestation, things like that in the family, and they'll say things like, Oh,
• 21:14
  my mother knew, but never said anything. Or so and so knew, but they never said anything. And so these people end up carrying that burden, because nobody was
• 21:22
  willing to accept the truthy truth in that family, and nobody was willing to be a compassionate witness and to tell that that younger self, like I am so sorry that
• 21:33
  younger person, I am so sorry that this happened to you, you know. And if we don't have that compassionate witness, so much shame gets created. That's it. That's a
• 21:43
  whole of the show for another time. In fact, in fact, fingers crossed, I have a really fantastic guest that might be coming on. We're trying to nail down the date to talk
• 21:51
  all about shame. But one of the things is this, you know, I often jokingly, who here has ever heard this? I've said this to people before, right? Like, don't ask
• 22:01
  questions you don't want the answer to. And I was sometimes, in my life, the kid that would ask the questions hoping for a different answer, because I didn't want the
• 22:13
  truthy truth. So I would ask questions and then, like, like, inside internally I like a double Fingers crossed. Like double fingers crossed inside that they were actually going
• 22:22
  to say something different, rather than showing me who they were. And it was almost like I wanted to, you know, the Three little monkeys, the one who puts his hands over his
• 22:31
  eyes, his ears in his mouth, I was like the one. I often was not the one with the hands over the mouth. Big surprise. But sometimes I could be the one with my hands over my
• 22:43
  ears and over my eyes, because I just didn't want to accept the truthy truth, because the truthy truth was too painful. And back then, I didn't have the tools. I didn't have all
• 22:53
  the tools that I have now my spiritual toolkit, the tools that I share right with my clients and people in the nest and folks I work with, and yoga, my yoga students and
• 23:01
  all that, right? I didn't have these tools, and now I have gathered so many of them, first of all, because there are some things, like, not every one thing works for
• 23:12
  everybody. So I like to have a lot of resources, first and foremost, for myself. And now I'm at a point, you know, I'm 56 I've been around a while. I've seen a few
• 23:23
  things, I've learned a few things. I've forgotten a few things, right? I need to probably still unlearn a bunch of things, but I'm doing my best in my work, you know,
• 23:34
  in my calling to support others. And speaking of which, I'll just tell you now, if this kind of stuff like interest you, if it intrigues you, right? And it's not again,
• 23:44
  it's not about fixing you. It's about giving you and your nervous system, your body, your mind, your spirit, right? Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, giving
• 23:57
  yourself tools to be able to navigate this human experience. Yes, with more grace, yes, with more compassion, yes, with more resources, but also with more grit, with
• 24:09
  more tools, right with with more support. So it's just Karen kenney.com/nest, N, E, S T, find out more about it if you're interested in working one to one with me. That's Karen
• 24:25
  kenney.com/quest, with a Q, Q, U, E, S, T, because these are the kinds of things that we can work on together. And I know some of you like double A man hands right now, if
• 24:36
  somebody out there has just been if you're listening to this and you're like, shit, that's me there. I I have been afraid of the truthy truth about this particular thing,
• 24:47
  and whether it's about your kid having a drug problem, you might think a partner or a spouse or a sweetie or somebody is cheating on you, or you haven't been willing to take
• 24:56
  responsibility for your own health, your own well being. Or how something went down at work, etc. Fill in the blank. It could be you personally. It could be you witnessing
• 25:07
  this in somebody you love, or a friend, or a former friend, or whatever it is, and you were just like, yeah, they just weren't ready for the truthy truth. And in fairness,
• 25:17
  who here is taught like, I talk about this all the time. You know, I have obviously been out of the school system for a wicked long time. I am a lifelong student. I'm, in
• 25:25
  fact, I'm taking a thing right now, always refreshing and learning and love. I love learning about the same thing from different perspectives. So that's what I often do. But
• 25:36
  I know what was I going to say? Shoot, I totally lost that train of thought, Oh, wow. Anyways, what I was going to say is, a lot of us, oh, I know, ah, and we're back. Thank
• 25:51
  you, S, T, o, t, j, and I'm back. Okay. I often I've been out of the school system for a long time, but a lot of times I think about how it would be amazing if in school,
• 26:02
  they taught kids basics, right? Like, literally. Now, I know a lot of people feel it, but I have friends who have kids who are like, they don't know how to, like, stamp an
• 26:12
  envelope and write an envelope to mail shit like, I my brain just like, like, blows up around that, but like, things like, balance in your checkbook, how to, how to, how to
• 26:21
  handle money, emotional intelligence, how to navigate your feelings, right, how to do things in the world that are actually really, really, really going to support you
• 26:31
  and help you. But one of those things would be nervous system regulation, like, How amazing would it be? And not teaching these things as a way to get kids to be under
• 26:44
  control and to behave, not that it's for their own well
• 26:48
  being that they know. It's not about suppressing feelings, not feeling your feelings, but it's when things start to feel too big, too much, that we can bring
• 27:00
  ourselves back to center. It's not about becoming a zombie or a robot, never feeling nothing. It's about being able to self soothe and self regulate and tap into our
• 27:12
  power and come back to the one thing that we all come through life with. I would say, most of us, right. I know some people can't breathe without oxygen machines and tubes
• 27:21
  and things like that. But most of us, we come through with the breath, and the breath is such a powerful, powerful, powerful tool. So all this to say, I think as we're rolling
• 27:32
  into now, look, somebody might be listening to this in the middle of July, for all I know, next year, but right now, right as I'm recording this in real time, we are heading
• 27:41
  into a new year, and I just think it's really, really important that we anytime of the year, but right now, like, let's just stop bullshitting ourselves. Should we?
• 27:54
  Should we just stop bullshitting ourselves and each other? And let's start to get really honest. You know, this is when I talk about, I've done podcasts. You can listen to
• 28:03
  that episode. It's like owning your both. I always say you have to own both your brilliance and your bullshit. And we all got a tiny little bullshit for sale. You know
• 28:12
  what I'm saying? We all got a little bit of thing. Now, look, I mean, as a writer, you know, as a writer, as a creative as I've been writing this book for many years, I've
• 28:22
  had to face some things, not just about other people, but also about myself. Like, I've had to recognize some things. And it's not always comfortable. You know, we don't
• 28:33
  always want the truthy, truth about ourselves. It's like, oh man, really. It's like, oh, like, squishy. Like, right? Not super soothing, but this is how we grow, and
• 28:46
  if we can grow in, how do I say this in an environment, especially surrounded by others who see the best in us, even when we're at our worst, right? Having whether it's just
• 28:59
  one friend or a sweetie or a partner or, you know, a sibling, a parent, whatever, having just one person who holds that space for us to be clumsy, but knows that we can do
• 29:12
  better, and they're cheering us on, even when we stumble, even when we blow it. You know, it's so important that when we're trying to be better, that we put ourselves
• 29:23
  in environments where that kind of work is not only normalized and happening all the time, but is encouraged, because a lot of times when you try to start going into the
• 29:38
  direction of the truthy truth, there are A lot of people around us that get fucking uncomfortable, and they'll say things like, why do you need to bring that up? Why do you
• 29:46
  want to talk about that? Why can't you just let it go? That was 10 years ago. Why do you get to keep talking about that shit? Because they don't want to have to accept the truthy
• 29:56
  truth either. Because sometimes when we accept the truthy truth. About some people, your furniture is gonna get rearranged. That pretty picture that you had laid out,
• 30:06
  fluffed the pillows, vacuumed the carpets, made everything on the couch look nice, all the little knick knacks. It's like a cat. You know, when a cat sees something on the
• 30:14
  edge of the table, they can't help themselves. They're gonna come over and like, bap, bap, bap, bap, tap, tap, tap, tap, until something falls and breaks, they
• 30:21
  just can't help it. And this is the nature of when we start to get wicked honest about things, about what went down, about who did, what, about what was said or not said, about
• 30:32
  who did or didn't do the thing they should have done. Because that's so much about of what trauma is too, not just what happened, but as my friend Linda Tai, you know, shared
• 30:43
  with us on my episode, I've had her on twice. If you haven't listened to the episodes with Linda Tai, they're fantastic. Go give them a listen. But she said, trauma
• 30:51
  sometimes is not just what happened, it's what didn't happen that should have happened. Trauma isn't just what happened, it's sometimes what didn't happen that
• 31:03
  should have happened. And that sometimes means that there was nobody there to stop it. There was nobody there to protect you. There was nobody there to stick up for you.
• 31:11
  There was nobody there afterwards either, right? There was nobody there to witness it, and there was nobody there afterwards to bear witness to your testimony about what
• 31:20
  happened. And a lot of times, people who have behaved poorly do not want to hear the truthy truth. They don't want to face it, because they don't want to have to accept
• 31:32
  the truthy truth about themselves at that point in time. I'm not saying people can't change and they can't get better, because if I believe that, I would not be in the line
• 31:40
  of business that I'm in, I would not be doing this work. I believe we all have the capacity to change right to a degree again, there's please just know there's always a
• 31:48
  caveat and exception, right, maybe in certain situations. But I think pretty much all of us, if we are willing to, because sometimes we say we want to, but then we're
• 32:01
  not actually willing to do what needs to be done. And a lot of people don't like to have to take responsibility for who they've been. They just want to keep things in the past.
• 32:14
  They don't want anybody digging up the shit. They don't want to have to take a look at it. But I'll tell you, this is part of the ways that we start to find a little more
• 32:24
  freedom. And yeah, sometimes it leads to healing, sometimes it leads to just acceptance. And sometimes, though this is the thing, is just giving ourselves the
• 32:34
  ability to think differently, see differently, feel differently, to be different by facing these things and no longer, no longer hiding them in the dirty
• 32:46
  like in the like the the basement or the creepy, dusty attic, right? We gotta pull this shit out. We always say, in a force in miracles, you have to bring the darkness
• 32:56
  into the light so that we can shine the light of love on things, so we can stand our sacred ground and be honest and clear some shit up, you know? And this is the perfect
• 33:07
  time of year to do this. So this is an opportunity right to learn some tools. And one of them, like I said, when you start to get scared, there have been times when I've
• 33:16
  been writing and I just have to stop, and I have to use my breath. And one of the fastest things you can do, one of the fastest, quickest little tools that you can
• 33:24
  use, is to breathe in deeply through your nose, right? I could say to the count of four, and then exhale out through your mouth with sound to the count of eight. But the
• 33:36
  numbers don't really matter. The numbers aren't what matter. It's just the length of time. So we inhale through the nose deeply, and then you exhale out twice as long. And I
• 33:49
  would say with sound, maybe I'll do a whole episode on some of the the breath, those those sounds you can make with breaths that help a lot of times. For me, it's just like
• 34:01
  so if you're listening and not watching, I'm kind of making my mouth smaller, like I'm breathing out through a straw. I'm just making this space smaller. So like that,
• 34:11
  like, C, H, O, O, O, shoe, Shoe, shoe. That sound sometimes that can be really, really powerful. So just when you find your nervous system starting to get like, if you start to
• 34:20
  get anxious, you start to get overwhelmed, you start to overwhelmed, you start to get like, oh my god, oh my god. Like, I gotta have this conversation with myself or
• 34:27
  somebody else, or whatever. And I'm starting my heart starting to race. My throat is starting to close. That's all connected to the vagus nerve, and this is a great way to
• 34:36
  just calm things down. And look, sometimes we're not ready. We're not ready for the truthy truth. The nervous system just is not ready for it. The subconscious will try to
• 34:45
  protect us, and that's why we tend to stay in the familiar pattern of telling the old bullshit story. Because the brain's greatest job is trying to keep you alive and keep you
• 34:56
  safe, and it does it by staying in the familiar. And this is why. We don't want the new news. We don't want the new news. We don't want the truthy truth. But, and this
• 35:09
  is why places like the nest and having a spiritual mentor or having a spiritual coach or somebody to support you when doing this work can be so powerful and life changing,
• 35:18
  because you don't have to do it alone, like I can't do the work for you, the people in the nest can't do the work for you, but we can certainly walk along beside you as you
• 35:28
  do it. And we're doing it too. We're doing our own stuff too. So we are familiar, familiar with the resistance, we are familiar with the setbacks, we are familiar
• 35:39
  with the fear. You know what I mean? Like, I'm a person who teaches so much from choosing love instead of fear, right? Very Course in Miracles. I'm a highly, you know,
• 35:49
  Course in Miracles influenced person for 30 years, right? Plus, I've been, I've been a student of the Course, but you don't study love over fear, or shifting your perception
• 36:01
  from fear to love for this long of a time, if you haven't spent a lot of your life in fear, and I have, and there's not a lot of freedom in that space. So so much of the
• 36:13
  work that I do is just trying to find a little more room for me to be me and to help myself. And it doesn't mean like I'm not trying to quote, unquote, fix myself. I'm
• 36:25
  just trying to give myself the support and the love that I need so I can be the best me that I can be while I am here on the planet, so that I can be the most loving and truest,
• 36:36
  right, like the most free pot of person, like version of me, right? The most me, me that I can be.
• 36:45
  And I love to help other people do that too. Because, you know, sometimes, you know, I think about the movie Jaws when they're on the boat and as an animal lover, of course,
• 36:53
  this horrifies me. But when they call it chum, right, when they're throwing chum in the water, like stirring things up, that's what feels like. It can it can feel like
• 37:00
  sometimes, when you start to do a little spiritual work, a little personal development, look work, a little change work, it can feel like, oh shit, it's about
• 37:07
  to get a little bloody and messy. Over here, we're throwing chum in the water, right? And all our fears are going to come up from these great depths. Well, yes and yes, and
• 37:16
  we have a lot of fun doing it right? So a lot of the way that I approach this work is with laughter and humor and deep compassion and humility, you know. And I think that if
• 37:27
  we can just all support each other, as Ram Dass says, I say this all the time. Ram Dass beautifully says, We're all just walking each other home. And that's part of the work
• 37:35
  that I do, is helping people to walk home, back home to themselves, source and spirit to their truest self, their best self, their most happy and peaceful self, to the best of
• 37:44
  my ability, in the time that we have together. So speaking of time together, thank you so much for spending this time with me. I super duper appreciate you. If
• 37:53
  you're a loyal listener, thank you for being here. You know that I, I am just so grateful for Oh, I hope you know that I'm so grateful for you. I shouldn't say you know. I hope
• 38:03
  you know how grateful I am for you and new listeners. However you got here. I'm so grateful for you for taking the time if you made it this far, if you can still hear my
• 38:12
  voice. Thank you for staying tuned in. Thank you to the person who referred you or however you got here. It really means a lot to me that we spend some time together. So
• 38:20
  again, you heard them right, if you are interested in joining the nest in 2025, right? Or anytime it's open, any anytime that it occurs to you, whenever it occurs to
• 38:31
  you, like, huh, if you've been listening to this podcast, and every time I mention the nest, some part of you, like, some part of you kind of like, leans in, or tingles, or
• 38:40
  you kind of get little lit up or excited, and then immediately the inner critic squashes it and shuts it down. I want to tell you, breathe life into that part of
• 38:49
  you. Just raise your hand. Reach out, go to Karen kenney.com Ness if you want to do the deeper one to one more personalized, just you and I right. That is Karen kenney.com
• 39:00
  quest. Also, you guys. You can see behind me on the floor, those of you who are watching that there is a yoga mat on the floor. So I practice yoga up here in my room, and I
• 39:11
  practice with myself, right? Me, with me, and, of course, Bob Ross and all the all the other I got Ganesh over here, and Lakshmi and my mom, pictures of my mom, Mr. Rogers,
• 39:21
  right? My whole spiritual team is always up here with me too, and sometimes Toby pajamas. But I'm going to be starting some, I'm almost like, I'm like, 99% sure, some
• 39:34
  online, live yoga classes in January of 2025, which I'm wicked excited about. So if you want more about that. Send up a flare. Reach out to me. Send me a DM. Go to my
• 39:44
  website. Hit the contact page if you have questions or want to learn more about that. But if you get on my email list. Karen kenney.com/sign, up one word, then you will
• 39:55
  be the first to find out when the link goes live and when everything is happening. So thank you so much, you guys. Thanks for tuning in. I appreciate you wherever you go.
• 40:06
  Look. I just let me say this, I understand how scary it can be, the whole truthy truth thing, I I get it, I get it. And you don't have to you don't have to do this alone.
• 40:18
  Okay, just know that you are loved and you are supported, and if it's not by me or a mentor or a coach or a group of people like the Divine is always there, and I know
• 40:27
  that's a longer conversation for another day, but inside you, inside you, isn't in a teacher that can support you, that you can tap into. My hope is that everybody has at
• 40:37
  least one person in their life who truly sees them and understands them and can support them. And if you maybe don't have that in your life, this is why something
• 40:45
  like the nest can be so powerful. And I'm not just Hawking my wares. I really mean this sincerely, like this is I think we all need to have that place where somebody
• 40:56
  witnesses us and it's a big deal. Okay, wherever you go, may you leave yourself, the animals, the people, the place, the environment, better than how you first found
• 41:08
  it. Wherever you go, may you be a blessing. Bye, bye.