Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #890 How You Know You're Loved

Transcript

#890 How You Know You're Loved · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. We are so grateful that
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: you have chosen to listen to the Happy Families Podcast today.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us. Every Friday on the podcast,
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  Speaker 1: we do a segment that we call Old Do Better Tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: For those of you who are new, and we have
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  Speaker 1: had so many new subscribers to the podcast, thank you
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  Speaker 1: for being here. The Old Do Better Tomorrow segment is
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  Speaker 1: essentially Kylie and I are reflecting on the week that
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  Speaker 1: was and trying to identify what went well or what didn't,
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  Speaker 1: or what we can learn from the week so that
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  Speaker 1: we can be more intentional as parents moving forward. Now
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  Speaker 1: you're probably aware by now that it's been a pretty
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  Speaker 1: heavy couple of weeks in our home and in our family.
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  Speaker 1: Just before Kylie begins with her story her Old Do
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  Speaker 1: Better Tomorrow, I wanted to reflect on something and just
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  Speaker 1: highlight so I shared a post on Facebook and Instagram
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  Speaker 1: last week that shared the news of the tragic passing
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  Speaker 1: of our nephew. I checked with my family before I
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  Speaker 1: wrote it. I didn't want to write something that was
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  Speaker 1: not going to be approved of by them to post,
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  Speaker 1: and in fact, when I wrote it, I said, I
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  Speaker 1: don't just want you to say it's fine post it.
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  Speaker 1: I want you to tell me that you need me
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  Speaker 1: to post it. I want you to encourage me to
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  Speaker 1: post it. It has to be that good and that important.
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  Speaker 1: And so when I shared the news, what I really
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  Speaker 1: wanted to do was focus not just on the tragedy.
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  Speaker 1: Anybody could do that, but I really wanted to focus
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  Speaker 1: on how it can help, what we can do in
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  Speaker 1: our families, what we can do with our loved ones
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  Speaker 1: to help them to know that they are loved, and
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  Speaker 1: to help them to choose to talk to us rather
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  Speaker 1: than taking tragic and drastic actions. As a result of
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  Speaker 1: that post, more than two point six million people engaged
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  Speaker 1: with what I shared, more than one hundred and seventy
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  Speaker 1: thousand people reacted, more than twenty thousand people commented, and
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  Speaker 1: more than eighteen thousand people shared the news. My family
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  Speaker 1: wanted me to make sure that you knew how much
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  Speaker 1: we appreciate the fact that not just were you touched
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  Speaker 1: by what I shared, but that you felt to act
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  Speaker 1: on it and to share it and to do something
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  Speaker 1: about making your relationships stronger. Thank you for honoring the
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  Speaker 1: message that we shared, and we so very much hope
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  Speaker 1: that it helped The funeral for Logan will be today.
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  Speaker 1: Once this podcast drops, will be jumping in the car
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  Speaker 1: and heading off to be with the family so that
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  Speaker 1: we can reflect on and memorialize his life, and normal
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  Speaker 1: podcast programming will resume on Monday. We need to talk
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  Speaker 1: about more than this, as important as this is, but Kylie,
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  Speaker 1: for today's I'll Do Better Tomorrow, I'd love for you
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  Speaker 1: to kick us off and share the story or the
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  Speaker 1: experience that you've had this week that has helped you
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  Speaker 1: to be a better parent.
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  Speaker 2: After you posted on Tuesday, I got a phone call
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  Speaker 2: from one of my closest friends who was just devastated
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  Speaker 2: by the news, and she just wanted me to know
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  Speaker 2: that she really appreciated the courage it took for you
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  Speaker 2: to share what you shared, but that it had already
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  Speaker 2: made a difference in her life. Over the last few months,
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  Speaker 2: she's been really, really struggling with one of her children,
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  Speaker 2: and she said she read that post and she just knew,
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  Speaker 2: no matter what was going on with them, she needed
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  Speaker 2: her child to know that he was loved. And she
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  Speaker 2: went into his room and she just grabbed him into
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  Speaker 2: a great, big bear hug and just held him and
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  Speaker 2: she said he was so shocked because it's not something
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  Speaker 2: that they would normally do, and she was able to
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  Speaker 2: talk to him and share with him what she'd read
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  Speaker 2: and just how important it was for him to know that,
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  Speaker 2: in spite of how much challenged their experience, at the moment,
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  Speaker 2: that he was loved. And it was a beautiful segue
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  Speaker 2: into a conversation we had at the dinner table with
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  Speaker 2: our children. Normally, when we sit around the dinner table,
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  Speaker 2: we usually share grateful things together, and as we were
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  Speaker 2: talking about the experience and letting the children kind of
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  Speaker 2: share some feelings about what we've been experiencing, it was
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  Speaker 2: our little nine year old Emily who piped up and said,
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  Speaker 2: I don't really want to do grateful things tonight. I
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  Speaker 2: actually want to find out how you feel loved. And
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  Speaker 2: it never sees us to amaze me. Our little children
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  Speaker 2: are just so in tune. And so we had this
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  Speaker 2: opportunity as a family to just sit around and share
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  Speaker 2: the things that help us individually feel love. And as
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  Speaker 2: we did that, there was just this greater feeling of
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  Speaker 2: love in our home and it was really.
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  Speaker 1: Beautiful, extraordinary the way tragic galvanizeres love, and that that
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  Speaker 1: was a night that I think we'll always remember because
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  Speaker 1: of the way that she responded, the way that she
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  Speaker 1: recognized that we just need to affirm and reassure one
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  Speaker 1: another of our love and the irreversible and unconditional way
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  Speaker 1: that we need to love one another. I love that story.
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  Speaker 1: I hope that to not as families set around tables,
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  Speaker 1: rather than talking about grateful things, maybe they might share
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  Speaker 1: how they know that they're loved as well. Kylie My
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  Speaker 1: I'll do better Tomorrow is something that builds on the
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  Speaker 1: legacy of Logan. As I spent time with my family
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  Speaker 1: in the immediate aftermath of his death. I spent some
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  Speaker 1: time on the New South Wales Central Coast, which is
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  Speaker 1: where they all are, where he died, where Mum and
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  Speaker 1: Dad live, and myself and my siblings all pretty much
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  Speaker 1: stayed at mum and Dad's for a few nights and
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  Speaker 1: really spent some time involved in conversation and being together
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  Speaker 1: as a family. It was something that I was really
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  Speaker 1: grateful to be able to do, really really special time.
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  Speaker 1: A story was shared during that that I didn't know
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  Speaker 1: about Logan, and it was funny because as soon as
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  Speaker 1: I heard it, I realized that i'd heard it before.
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  Speaker 1: I'd recognized it, but I'd never joined the dots and
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  Speaker 1: put it all together.
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  Speaker 2: When I think in the moment, it's it's just who
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  Speaker 2: he was.
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  Speaker 1: It's just who he was, It's just how he was. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: and here's how he was. My brother pointed it out.
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  Speaker 1: When somebody said I love you as the night wrapped up,
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  Speaker 1: he looked at them and said, nah, I love you, Tim,
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  Speaker 1: and he got a funny look, and my sister said, okay,
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  Speaker 1: I love you Tim, And then Tim said, have you
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  Speaker 1: ever noticed did you ever realize that whenever anybody said
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  Speaker 1: I love you Logan, Order would always correct it and
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  Speaker 1: ask for the name, ask for his name to be said.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, he was the one who always ran out
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  Speaker 1: the door and said love you Nan, I love you Pop,
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  Speaker 1: or love you Uncle jud or whatever, love you whoever
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  Speaker 1: it was. But he always said their name. And if
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  Speaker 1: they called out love you as he left, he would
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  Speaker 1: stop and say, nah, love you Logan, and he would
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  Speaker 1: make them say his name. And when I came home,
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  Speaker 1: I sat down with you and the kids and I said,
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  Speaker 1: I think that this is a beautiful legacy. I think
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  Speaker 1: that it is something that we can do in not
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  Speaker 1: just in order to honor the legacy of logan, but
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  Speaker 1: maybe even to make our family feel closer and stronger.
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  Speaker 1: And for the last week or so, every time we've
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  Speaker 1: said I love you, we've added the person's name to
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  Speaker 1: the end of the sentence. And I haven't realized until
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  Speaker 1: now just how much more beautiful that is, and how
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  Speaker 1: much I love hearing my name at the end of
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  Speaker 1: that sentence. You've started saying it all the time. Instead
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  Speaker 1: of just I love you, you've been saying I love
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  Speaker 1: you justin And there's something so beautiful and so powerful
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  Speaker 1: and so profound about that extra couple of syllables on
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  Speaker 1: the end of that sentence.
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  Speaker 2: It's interesting. The kids will always say I love you mommy,
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  Speaker 2: or I love you mum, But since you've shared that,
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  Speaker 2: the weight of hearing my name or my title at
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  Speaker 2: the end of that sentence has really hit me a
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  Speaker 2: lot more.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just beautiful. So that is our I'll do
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  Speaker 1: better tomorrow. I hope that it's celebratory. I hope that
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  Speaker 1: it recognizes that in the very depths of tragedy and
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  Speaker 1: sorrow and grief, we can find beauty, we can find love.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe in wrapping up, I can share one of my
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  Speaker 1: favorite ideas It came from a therapist that I was
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  Speaker 1: listening to a podcast on some months ago, and she
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  Speaker 1: just said joy. Her definition of joy. Joy is found
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  Speaker 1: anywhere where there is something to be grateful for. And
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  Speaker 1: so as we farewell a beloved family member today, I
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  Speaker 1: feel beautiful gratitude, so much appreciation for these little lessons
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  Speaker 1: that we've had in our home this week as a
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  Speaker 1: result of him. And as a result of that, I
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  Speaker 1: believe that today, while we will sorrow, that we may
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  Speaker 1: feel solace because there is joy as we express and
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  Speaker 1: appreciate him for what he taught us. The Happy Family's
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  Speaker 1: podcast is produced by Justin ruland Craig Bruce is our
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  Speaker 1: executive producer. For more about making a family happier, you
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  Speaker 1: can visit our website, Happy families dot com dot you
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  Speaker 1: are our Facebook page Dr Justin Colson's Happy Families. But really,
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  Speaker 1: all you need to do is say I love you,
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  Speaker 1: and at the person's name the end sentence, embrace them
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  Speaker 1: in a great, big bear hug and talk to them
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  Speaker 1: about how you know you're loved and ask them how
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  Speaker 1: they know they're loved. Have a wonderful weekend, and we'll
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  Speaker 1: be with you again.
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  Speaker 2: A monthly
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  Speaker 1: H