Latest / Eye Opener Society / Valentine’s Week Special | Modern Relationships, Spiritual Growth & The Truth About Love

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Valentine’s Week Special | Modern Relationships, Spiritual Growth & The Truth About Love · Eye Opener Society

• 0:02
  Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Eye Opener Society and welcome back again to
• 0:06
  the show because we love all of you and we love you because it's Valentine's
• 0:11
  Day or at least Valentine's Day just passed.
• 0:14
  I didn't do the show on Saturday, but this is our regular show and it fell along
• 0:19
  this entire Valentine's Day kind of weekend.
• 0:23
  Before we get into it, I wanted to give a couple of thank yous.
• 0:26
  I wanted to thank Carly and Carla from Appalachian Rootworks,
• 0:30
  rooted in ruins in Cynthiana, Kentucky. I'm actually...
• 0:35
  After this recording, I'm going to be going down for this weekend to assist
• 0:42
  them because they are podcast monsters, man.
• 0:45
  They've got so many guests coming in in the course of a couple of days.
• 0:50
  And they called me and my wife to come down, give them a hand because they need some production help.
• 0:55
  So big shout out, though, to them because they're doing such a wonderful job.
• 0:59
  And their podcast without a candle is getting so much better.
• 1:03
  And they're adding more of the Raven Records Which is another podcast too that
• 1:10
  they are doing So that's going to be released on Tuesdays While their regular
• 1:14
  shows are released on Friday Big shout out to them Thank you to everyone who helps out on this show.
• 1:21
  Sunset Child for joining me on that other episode As a co-host We're still waiting
• 1:25
  for a podcast from Out There Podcast But it's great to have heard from Sunset
• 1:31
  Child and having her on, big thank you.
• 1:34
  Big thank you to Ann Lund from Haunted and Waiting.
• 1:37
  Don't forget to check out hauntedandwaiting.blog and follow her on Facebook.
• 1:41
  Just look for Haunted and Waiting.
• 1:44
  Our dear friend Hannah Rose from The Sound Within.
• 1:48
  Big shout out to her too as well for helping me out on the episode with the
• 1:52
  guided meditation series as well.
• 1:54
  Don't forget to follow her on Facebook, The Sound Within. Follow her on TikTok too as well.
• 1:59
  These are some great people. Elaine from Arcane Oracle 2 Thank you for everything
• 2:04
  that you've done Since this show started And you've been there in the background
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  Big happy Valentine's Day to everybody out there I appreciate it Speaking of
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  Valentine's Day Let's talk about relationships,
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  There's a lot that I've been discussing with Lizzie Back and forth on this There's
• 2:23
  so many levels involved as well with this From my perspective Thank you.
• 2:30
  I've gone through three marriages. I'm on my third, actually.
• 2:34
  And it's been a wonderful, calming, peaceful ride.
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  I got nothing bad to say about it. And I'm not the one who's going to talk bad
• 2:43
  about past relationships either.
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  They've had their pros. They've had their cons.
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  They basically ran their course.
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  Each one was completely different, polar opposites from the other.
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  Live through bad times Live through good times And that's what it was about
• 3:03
  But lately, because I know We are in this cosmic shift Or something,
• 3:08
  this ascension Whatever it is you're thinking Or feeling that it is,
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  Most people that I know Are having Very difficult times With relationships,
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  We all know Hannah, my stepdaughter Who was doing this show As my co-host for
• 3:27
  a long time Where did she go?
• 3:29
  Well she's here She's still on my roof But we can't get her on To do an episode
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  like this Because of her breakup Because of that divorce,
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  And throwing kids in the middle of everything And I don't want to get too personal
• 3:44
  with it I don't want to speak on her end But there is a lot of ugliness,
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  And we can attribute it to maybe,
• 3:53
  What we're told relationships are How we're told marriages should be And I get
• 4:00
  this feeling a lot of times Marriages just turn into either A, ownership.
• 4:06
  Or they're turning into this convenience, which I think a lot about.
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  Finances, security, roof over your head, not having to leave.
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  But you're going to be stuck with the one thing that is destroying you.
• 4:23
  Male or female side. Or female, female, male, male. Whatever your situation may be.
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  There might be a real struggle going on.
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  And if it's abusive I'm telling you right now Get the hell out of there Immediately
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  I don't care who's doing the abusing or what That's really my My,
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  Totally. I can't stand that. I've dealt with that.
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  It's something you need to leave immediately. For those of you sticking around
• 4:57
  for that convenience, what's it really doing to you?
• 5:01
  I have many thoughts, but I also have somebody else here.
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  I have Lizzie with me as well. And we know Lizzie has many different levels of thoughts too.
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  They differ from mine. And that's the thing It's a difference of perspectives
• 5:18
  on all of this And we have been talking about this,
• 5:21
  For a while And we've also determined Her and I have a relationship And we gotta
• 5:29
  take that into consideration too.
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  Relationships need not to be marriage They need not to be sexual And we could
• 5:37
  have a completely platonic relationship.
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  Completely no holds barred And in the past few days Thanks to Lizzie turning
• 5:48
  me on to this Marco Polo app So we could talk more,
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  We've spent hours on end just talking And forming such a beautiful friendship
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  That's becoming tighter and tighter every single day But it's a relationship,
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  And I respect it I think I need it,
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  It's been something that's changed me over the last few days to have someone
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  to talk to constantly that understands me.
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  And I think Lizzie's feeling the same way, but I don't know.
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  We'll have to talk and ask her.
• 6:24
  Lizzie, welcome back, buddy. How are you?
• 6:27
  Good, good. I'm so excited to jump in right, right here. So, okay.
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  I have this belief that everything that's happening within is happening without.
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  If it's happening without the world, it's happening within.
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  And right now there is this big theme of the rapture,
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  the new world, like however you want to look at it, the point is on whatever
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  level we're aware of it, we're all trying to like bring this quote new world into being.
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  We have, we're in the age of like becoming aware of everything.
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  And when you see discomfort comfort and pain, it like magnifies.
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  But it does that so that we can fix it, quote, you know, because fixing isn't like a super great word.
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  But so everything that I'm seeing and whatever you're going through,
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  it's a process of trying to figure out the energetic lifestyle, whatever perspective,
• 7:30
  new way of living.
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  Because the thing is, is we can get mad at the world for the way that people
• 7:36
  don't meet our needs or whatever it is, but it all comes down to what we've set up for ourselves.
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  And you mentioned about, you know, abuse and just like leaving it.
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  It's hard when so many things are pulling at you, but it feels so hard because
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  you think that's the only way to do it.
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  When you get in positions, whether it's like physically abusive or just where
• 8:04
  you're abusing yourself by not being honest about your needs,
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  either way, it's a thing that you set up long before you even met that person.
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  And so when you get in a position where you've got, you know,
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  because the world puts this like codependency on on relationships.
• 8:22
  Right. And so when you do that and you're now trying to sort out all of your
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  multidimensional ties limited down to one person, it makes everything really messy.
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  And it's really a lot easier to pull yourself into a spot where the moment you
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  become aware of just how uncomfortable you are, it's so messy.
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  How do you get out of it? Because yeah, your finances are tied,
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  your futures are tied, your hopes and your dreams and your fears and everything
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  with the stories that you tell, it's all tied around into this like one plot line.
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  And the thing is, is we're multidimensional beings.
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  Our relationships cannot be honed down into it.
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  So many people, when they get into a monogamous relationship,
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  not to speak ill on it, you know, but they tend to put their best friend, their future,
• 9:19
  their everything into like one category, and they don't tend to branch out.
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  That's something that's very important to me when
• 9:28
  I'm in a monogamous relationship is that I still get to branch
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  out I still get to you know you and I have been
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  talking since you know I joined the show and we
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  learn so much from each other if your only relationship is honed in on this
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  monogamous sexual relationship you're limiting the way you can learn what you
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  can learn how fast you can learn and you're limiting it to the ability of another
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  person to learn. When you can branch out.
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  And I'm not saying you have to be like polyamorous to branch out.
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  It's one way to do it. But you can really have different connections on different
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  levels in different areas and learn and evolve as a multidimensional being with
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  your multidimensional relationships.
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  And so it's not the monogamy or relationships with
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  love even in polyamory because those ones can be just as as
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  toxic and limiting it's not that they limit but
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  we have a tendency to limit ourselves to
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  whatever dynamic whatever story we
• 10:34
  placed on it and so if you're going through like a hard
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  time you really got to look at like what story are you
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  telling what story are you insisting and
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  that will start to unravel what's actually difficult because
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  the universe is supposed to be easy if it's
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  not easy you're lying to yourself about something but
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  it's a double-edged sword because oftentimes the things we're lying about are
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  true it's not that they're a lie but we're holding it in a certain layer of
• 11:04
  truth and that complicates the whole thing when you only look at it from one perspective.
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  Oh, I love it. I love it. That's why I asked the questions. You've diagnosed that so well.
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  So touching on a few things, going back to my first marriage.
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  It was a first marriage, 21 years old, and you have this idea of what marriage is.
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  And I think I held on for almost 13 years. But we just lie to each other the whole time that,
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  Regardless of what's going on. And I think too, religion played a lot into that
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  because my first wife with the whole Catholic religion that basically says,
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  you don't divorce no matter what's going on.
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  It wasn't physically abusive in any way.
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  It was just we both knew maybe after seven years, we just weren't right.
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  We were not compatible with each other.
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  We had completely different ideas. We clashed all the time on them And we should
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  have realized that And we did But it always came down to No,
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  we're not getting that divorce This is the way it is,
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  That's toxic Because you're throwing that toxicity To the point where you are
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  now forced To be involved in something That is not in the alignment That it
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  should be when it comes to marriage,
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  Moving on to Second relationship.
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  Again Held on for a very long time Very open And I would say going well beyond
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  Polyamory It was just Open, open relationship,
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  Had a lot of fun obviously But In
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  that same token Towards the
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  end There was a lot of lying Because when
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  you like you mentioned polyamory too has its own limits its own problems too
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  it definitely you know puts you into these situations where you really need
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  to be 100% honest if you don't like somebody else that the other person is with
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  you should be able to say i don't like that person,
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  but once you start lying and.
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  You are saying, oh yeah, I'm fine with that person.
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  I'm fine with that person. But then that's a lie and it pulls you away from that too as well.
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  So now I'm on a third marriage, monogamous and completely at peace because I
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  found somebody with the same type of spiritual energy that I have where it's
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  extremely calming, grounding.
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  And we just had this streak where we just, I mean, we never honestly argued or anything else.
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  And there was a lot of issues at the beginning, mental health and suicide and all.
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  I mean, this is a complete honesty, but I stuck, you know, through it the whole
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  time to help her because this is my partner. This is who I am with.
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  This is the person that means something to me. I am not going to back away from somebody.
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  Just because they're having all these problems and I don't want to deal with it.
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  And then to go even further, to expand on what we were talking about with friendships
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  and all, not limiting yourself. I'm the same way with my friends.
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  If Lizzie came to me, I really need your help, please.
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  I'm going to be there for her no matter what. I know that. I feel that.
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  And that doesn't mean I'm abandoning a marriage that I'm in and I'm extremely comfortable with.
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  It's just a human nature. To help and to give and express yourself to other
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  people, you don't have to always just be focused on one.
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  So I'm hoping, Lizzie, that kind of compressed everything that you were saying, too, just in my form.
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  Yes yes and i had so many thoughts let me see if i can if i can pull them all out here,
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  i think to start is is my idea where we have we feel this need to like trap
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  love into forever you mentioned your first wife was catholic and so you know
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  very like spiritually like it's forever.
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  But some beautiful things aren't meant to
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  hold forever you know if you pick a flower it dies right
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  like that analogy and some things
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  that I've um deconstructed throughout
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  the years of switching back and forth between polyamory and
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  monogamy is that regardless of which relationship style even if you commit for
• 15:48
  life like even if you are to marry somebody it really has to be from a perspective
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  that you're not picking them like a flower you have to like leave them planted where they are.
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  You get to now witness them as a flower.
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  Maybe you can touch their soft petals if you're going to be gentle.
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  But it's a...
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  We have a tendency when you decide that it has to be forever,
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  forever, it can limit you and it can bring out lies because now you're trapped
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  in a spot where it actually limits you because two things are always true.
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  And if you love them forever, you have to grow in a way that they and everybody
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  else in their life can honor because otherwise it causes friction.
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  When you are in a polyamorous relationship even
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  if you're only sleeping with one person
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  and a group of four people you're
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  in a relationship with all of those other people even if you never speak to
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  that other person but because their energy is all wrapped up in this person
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  all their soul ties contracts recursive lives past like this is all a tangled
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  mess when you enter a relationship with someone, you enter their mess.
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  And so the game is to be, you have to be radically honest, even when that means you fuck up.
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  Because if you're fucking up authentically, you're evolving and those who are
• 17:22
  meant to be in that next phase are going to come with you.
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  And if they're not, that's okay. It doesn't take away from the love that you
• 17:30
  guys built together. It doesn't mean things are wrong.
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  And it gets complicated when you feel that really beautiful, that's my person thing.
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  Because a lot of the times, there's, I've watched it, okay?
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  So I only learned about recursive lives as a thing this year.
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  But I can see now, as I go through my past relationships, which ones...
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  I've met a thousand times, which ones I've met a couple, which ones were brand
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  new, you know, me just like attempting to do something different.
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  I, you know, my, I didn't, I didn't enter my first marriage until 30, right?
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  Before that, it was a lot of, and I, and I attributed it to a low attention
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  span at first with a person.
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  And then as I tapped into things I realized I was unknowingly understanding
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  where it was leading and cutting it really early.
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  Now where I'm at in understanding my like long-term path, what I was attempting
• 18:43
  to do was closing a lot of loops.
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  I had a lot of potentials, a lot of different directions that I've attempted
• 18:49
  to accomplish this goal.
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  And I've cycled through a bunch of things throughout these lives that like I
• 18:56
  closed a bunch of things out in this life, opened up into this marriage,
• 19:00
  and I entered it into it with this perspective that, well, I did it.
• 19:05
  Like I did all the things like here, here we go.
• 19:09
  My person. And I was so accurate about that.
• 19:12
  He is my person, but currently we are separated and probably not getting back together.
• 19:19
  And that's so sad to me with all the beautiful things that were built,
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  but in all reality, it doesn't take away the fact that he was my person.
• 19:29
  We've done this a thousand times we're back to like my idea
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  on the template that we're like all trying to like switch
• 19:35
  over this aspect of this
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  world's template that I want to experience I do so well romantically through
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  this person so I do it over and over and over again just because we haven't
• 19:49
  accomplished it in this life doesn't mean that it's not a beautiful journey
• 19:54
  to go on and when you feel that,
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  thing about them being your person, whether it works out or not, you weren't wrong.
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  It's how well did you guys enter into it in the way you wanted to build it?
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  How well did you continue to
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  build it? How well did you meet each other throughout the whole journey?
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  It's so easy to be like, well, you did this wrong and you did this wrong.
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  But anything that you're seeing
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  in that relationship that's bad is what you're mirroring from inside.
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  What you're seeing is good is what you're mirroring from inside.
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  And so the question is not, is this a person or not? Like your person or not.
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  The question is, do you guys meet each other in a place that mirrors beauty
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  or mirrors evolution or mirrors pain?
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  Because none of those are necessarily wrong.
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  It's all something you're trying to sort out for this grander scheme of things.
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  But do you want to play in this right now with this person?
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  Because it's a game and there's no right answer.
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  Just because you've done it a thousand times doesn't mean you have to do it again.
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  Just because you've never done it before doesn't mean that it's not going to
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  work. You know what I'm saying?
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  Everybody just needs to chill, really. They
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  just need to chill and take a step back and just
• 21:18
  really look at what's happening and see what it's
• 21:22
  showing you about inside because we think
• 21:26
  that it's all about the relationship but in the
• 21:29
  grand scheme of things energetically you
• 21:33
  can solve anything you're going to solve without actually being romantically
• 21:36
  involved with a person and it actually complicates so many things because of
• 21:40
  all the ties about romance truthfully if we all just like we're our own person
• 21:45
  for a few years I feel like the whole collective would be better.
• 21:50
  And I think that's why there's so much discourse. And it's not that relationships
• 21:53
  are the problem, but we're trying to build this new world with all the baggage of the old one.
• 22:01
  And so it's this process of letting go of all the shit we've collected,
• 22:07
  but carrying all the strengths that we earned, but not proving it.
• 22:15
  And that circles out to a big mess. Yeah, it does. It does circle out to a big mess.
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  And on the same topic, I don't want to come across as totally negative because
• 22:26
  I know there are many people, myself included, that are in wonderful and perfect relationships.
• 22:32
  So if you actually have that, embrace it, enjoy it, and keep working on whatever
• 22:40
  it is that's making that relationship perfect.
• 22:43
  And the way I see it just through my eyes, my experience, like the here and
• 22:47
  now, I fell in love with a person.
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  Everything about them. I never wanted to change that person.
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  Once you start wanting to change that person, you no longer are in love with
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  that person that you met.
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  And that's how I go through this relationship. It's out of complete admiration
• 23:08
  and respect for someone who is so solidly themselves that it's such a beautiful
• 23:15
  thing that I'm always engrossed in.
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  And at the same time, I could be completely the person that I am without any
• 23:22
  changes and I'm respected.
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  And that's a big thing. So if you have that in your relationship,
• 23:29
  yes, embrace it because it's not all negative.
• 23:33
  I've just been seeing a lot of struggling.
• 23:37
  We could probably go off and listen, Lizzie
• 23:40
  and I did talk about this where we're saying this could be like maybe 10
• 23:43
  different episode series because there's so many
• 23:46
  different you know aspects to this but what
• 23:51
  i don't like is when two people because now
• 23:54
  instead of just having one person it's miserable when you're in a relationship
• 23:57
  you've got two people now miserable and if you're trying to make things work
• 24:02
  and it's not working you have to really be honest about that move on it's a
• 24:09
  huge huge world if you're human.
• 24:14
  I got a question in the front row. What's up, Lizzie?
• 24:22
  Lizzie, hold on a second. Your mic's out. I got no sound on you.
• 24:28
  Sorry. There you go. Okay.
• 24:31
  Yes, move on. If you're feeling called to move on, move on.
• 24:35
  But there's so much of a tangled mess. And part of what we're doing is learning
• 24:40
  how not to pick the flower.
• 24:42
  And if you move on because you picked the flower versus saw the flower's beauty
• 24:47
  and let it grow authentically.
• 24:49
  Just because you guys put each other in the same vase doesn't mean it has to end,
• 24:57
  you can grow together and replant your guys'
• 25:02
  selves it has to be a co-creation though you have to leave them behind if they're
• 25:07
  not willing to play the game with you and you don't want to be in the vase anymore
• 25:12
  but it doesn't have to necessarily be an ending everybody's waking up everybody's seeing these things,
• 25:18
  even if they can't see all the timelines weaving and all of the emotions being pulled,
• 25:23
  everybody's getting so in tune with their bodies and their intuition and their
• 25:28
  understanding on some sort of level of what they're trying to do.
• 25:33
  I really believe that you can deconstruct this with a person.
• 25:38
  You just have to be willing to let them go if they're not going to follow you along.
• 25:43
  Okay. That does make a lot of sense because like I say, it's sometimes troubling
• 25:49
  to me to see that when I'm witnessing and I am working with people too that
• 25:54
  are in that space right now.
• 25:56
  And they're coming to me for that advice, for that guidance.
• 25:59
  And it's difficult because I try to be as real as possible saying, I can see it's over.
• 26:07
  It's not going anywhere. on that
• 26:10
  same note too something can happen
• 26:13
  a spark can happen sometimes you're going to realize in that whole difficult
• 26:17
  situation with all the different energies going on you go you might ignite a
• 26:23
  spark with that you might see something new in that person that you haven't
• 26:27
  seen before that places you right back into that position where you say wow
• 26:30
  this person is fantastic,
• 26:33
  but we have to be careful with that because again we have to still respect that
• 26:38
  person And if there's still things you don't like about them I mean,
• 26:40
  listen, we're not going to love everything about a person You know,
• 26:43
  some people have little idiosyncrasies That, you know, drivers create That's
• 26:46
  in any relationship We can't be 100% perfect for human beings,
• 26:51
  We just embrace it But we admire it Because it's part of that person that we
• 26:56
  love And I wanted to touch back on Where you're saying your person too We,
• 27:02
  if we're in situations where we've had.
• 27:07
  Uh, different, uh, you know, marriages or different relationships.
• 27:11
  And, you know, they came to an end.
• 27:13
  We have to really understand we hold on to that energy. We had a whole nother
• 27:19
  person that we spent, like I said, 12 years of that energy exchange constantly.
• 27:27
  And I will be honest, like when that was over, I'll be walking around in a mall
• 27:32
  and I'll just stop bawling my eyes out like a little bitch.
• 27:36
  And it was so weird for me because it never happened to me before.
• 27:40
  So I went for therapy and it didn't take long because this guy was seeing there,
• 27:47
  he said, during one of the sessions, he's like, he says, you're not crying because you're sad.
• 27:52
  You're crying because for the last 12 years, you had somebody to fall back on.
• 27:57
  That person was there, when you woke up, came home all the time,
• 28:01
  that person's not there anymore.
• 28:03
  So it's just your body adjusting to this situation that you no longer have.
• 28:10
  And I sat there, I was like, yeah, why am I crying like a little bitch?
• 28:14
  Because this made perfect sense. And I walked out of there, I never had to see him again.
• 28:18
  All the crying stopped, all the emotions stopped. But it is,
• 28:22
  it's 12 years of person, that's energy exchange.
• 28:25
  And it does, we hold onto that.
• 28:27
  You know, we are vessels. And we've spoken about that before.
• 28:30
  Yes. And the other thing, the other thing is, so biologically,
• 28:35
  when we're born, we learn how to regulate our nervous system,
• 28:40
  our body temperature, all of those things that our body does automatically.
• 28:45
  We learn first through bonding with skin to skin with our mother,
• 28:49
  and then through other people as we develop on.
• 28:54
  But there's this funny thing I think that happens.
• 28:57
  And okay, so I'm going to say this, but like, it's not okay.
• 29:04
  We, we do this and then we put our children in a room and we tell them to sleep by themselves, right?
• 29:11
  But then we go and we sleep in our, in our beds with our partners and we cuddle.
• 29:16
  We are still, even though our bodies more or less, because some people actually
• 29:20
  apparently never fully learned this, but our bodies are co-regulating on a biological level.
• 29:26
  We're energetically connecting on
• 29:30
  so many different levels along the scene we're co-regulating while
• 29:34
  we sleep but then we have our kids go to bed and then we get mad that they can't
• 29:40
  regulate themselves when they haven't learned it yet and i think this is actually
• 29:45
  something that causes people to hold on much longer than they need to because
• 29:50
  you've now patterned like all that energy you're saying between the two people,
• 29:54
  you've patterned to regulate emotions together.
• 29:57
  Regulate your nervous systems, regulate everything together,
• 30:01
  even if it's only done in your sleep and not done like verbally in that same context.
• 30:07
  And so it's not that there's anything wrong with having your kids sleep in another
• 30:11
  room, but that is biologically a pretty new thing for our species.
• 30:17
  And so whether you're sleeping in bed with someone else or sleeping in bed alone,
• 30:23
  we really got to think from a perspective of like, are we just like waiting
• 30:27
  until we're so exhausted to fall asleep?
• 30:29
  Or are we actually like regulating ourselves individually?
• 30:34
  Because that's going to pull you in so many ways if you can't do that for yourself.
• 30:41
  I'm always amazed at the information that you bring out.
• 30:46
  That makes a lot of sense. I'm sitting here digesting it saying,
• 30:52
  yeah, that absolutely makes sense.
• 30:55
  I can't even add anything to it. You said it perfectly.
• 30:59
  Yeah, we are taking on those energies.
• 31:03
  And we are taking on those emotions like that. And yeah, energetically when
• 31:07
  we're sleeping and having another person there...
• 31:12
  And now my mind's going off onto this other thing. There are people,
• 31:17
  and I don't know because I'm not going to sit here and play statistics because
• 31:21
  I'm just guessing if I was to look up the statistics.
• 31:27
  Men are probably more comfortable saying, I'm happy to be alone.
• 31:32
  And I don't want nobody with me. But on that same level, men,
• 31:38
  I think, suffer from that loneliness more than anybody else.
• 31:42
  Yes. And I, I've been deconstructing this a lot lately.
• 31:46
  And, um, I was talking to you about, um, how circumcision, I really think that
• 31:51
  like on a so many multidimensional level fucks with men right from the get go.
• 31:57
  I think we pattern men to shut
• 32:01
  down into loneliness versus relying on
• 32:04
  another person and so they learn
• 32:08
  to not regulate but close in to
• 32:11
  themselves right which is kind of like regulation but
• 32:15
  more like a stalling of it whereas women
• 32:18
  we're given baby dolls before we're even out of diapers you know what i mean
• 32:23
  like just that's like a whole other episode that we'll have to get into to really
• 32:26
  deconstruct that one but the point is is we learn to emotionally regulate ourselves
• 32:32
  through the emotional regulation of the emotions of the people around us.
• 32:37
  We care for ourselves. This is very stereotypical, okay? So take what resonates for all the listeners.
• 32:44
  But we do this through how peaceful the emotions are around.
• 32:50
  Whereas men will automatically be like, this shit's chaos and close in on themselves
• 32:56
  to protect themselves. But women have to cater everything and fix everything.
• 33:01
  And that separation causes so many problems.
• 33:07
  I have more to say, but I don't know where to. I got you. That's fine.
• 33:12
  It's dead a lot. It makes a lot of sense. And this is where I think when we're
• 33:17
  talking, whether it be relationships, marriages, or just being single and just having fun.
• 33:22
  We as human beings are just such complex creatures because we're toying with
• 33:30
  so many different emotions and challenges and then we are bringing or allowing
• 33:36
  another person into that.
• 33:40
  Under the guise of forever. Throws a big, big emotional mess.
• 33:47
  And that's why I think many times it fails. And it fails miserably.
• 33:53
  Now, I don't know how much time I want to go on with this. But I think we spoke on this too.
• 33:58
  Where it's like, is marriage, current marriage, legal marriage, the piece of paper.
• 34:06
  Or is that just old school garbage that should just be thrown out and we could
• 34:11
  just be married just by saying married?
• 34:17
  Okay, okay, I'm going to end this on a truth bomb, okay?
• 34:24
  I don't believe in legal marriage. I deconstructed this a long time.
• 34:29
  I'm talking about how I entered and am now exiting my first marriage chair,
• 34:34
  but we were actually never legally married because do you think in this society,
• 34:41
  in this attempted hands-made tale world, I'm going to legally on paper be owned by another human being?
• 34:49
  Because realistically, realistically, that's what legal marriage is.
• 34:55
  Spiritually, spiritually, it's a commitment of walking in a door where you say,
• 35:03
  I will unconditionally love you.
• 35:07
  I will do my best to see you in everywhere you want to be seen,
• 35:13
  and I will give you space to grow.
• 35:16
  That's a spiritual marriage. And truthfully, as I'm, quote, exiting this marriage,
• 35:22
  I have this hard time not calling him my husband because regardless of what
• 35:28
  happens in the future, even if he never talks to me again.
• 35:32
  The truth is, I will always do my best to see him. I will always unconditionally love him.
• 35:41
  This is a commitment that I can have without limiting myself.
• 35:47
  So on a spiritual level, maybe he is my husband, maybe he isn't.
• 35:52
  That's why it's like a messy thing.
• 35:54
  I didn't know if I wanted to really like stay on here, but it so perfectly came
• 35:58
  to yours, I felt like truth bombing you a little bit.
• 36:00
  I know you didn't know that about me. I don't tell anybody that didn't know
• 36:05
  me prehand because for all intensive purposes, it was the same commitment to me.
• 36:11
  I just wasn't committed to being legally owned because that's how I view legal marriage.
• 36:18
  I want to give you kudos and I want to give you a stand and ovation for that
• 36:22
  because there's two ways I view the legal marriage.
• 36:28
  One, in the first marriage, with the whole Catholic marriage,
• 36:33
  it's a witness before God.
• 36:36
  And you can't break up or it's a sin.
• 36:39
  So no matter what you do to that other person, they can't get away from you.
• 36:43
  And I just can't come to terms with that.
• 36:47
  Second part is, it just now says you're in a different tax bracket and you're
• 36:52
  going to pay either more or less depending.
• 36:54
  That's the other portion. And I know you agree with me on that.
• 36:58
  So this whole paper marriage, and that's what I like to refer to is, is the paper marriage.
• 37:03
  It could be tossed out. There's no reason why two people can't get together,
• 37:08
  live under the same roof, take care of their own separate finances,
• 37:12
  be in love, share everything that's part of a marriage.
• 37:15
  But once that piece of paper gets in the way, we are now screwing ourselves
• 37:21
  because just like you're saying, I own you. Here's the piece of paper.
• 37:25
  Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. Now, this is not to talk crap on anybody in legal marriages.
• 37:30
  Like, like do it if it's going to financially or, you know, logistically,
• 37:36
  like if it works for you, if it's going to help you do the things that you're
• 37:40
  doing, like if you've got investments you guys are doing together and all that
• 37:44
  stuff and you're playing in legal things together, maybe that legal marriage will benefit you.
• 37:50
  That's fine. There's nothing wrong with it. You know what I mean?
• 37:53
  You can still look at it differently just because it's on paper doesn't mean
• 37:56
  it's like now like binding you into something.
• 38:00
  But again, with the cultural norms, you love somebody. They're now forever.
• 38:05
  You just legally own each other. Like that's just what you do, right?
• 38:09
  Half of what you have is mine and vice versa.
• 38:13
  But like you can do all that from a spiritual perspective of just choosing to always see a person.
• 38:20
  Like truly see a person because that actually is really fucking hard to do in this world sometimes.
• 38:26
  Oh, it so is. And just to end on this, like with my current wife,
• 38:31
  yes, we do have the paper marriage, but we spent, oh, God, I think it was eight
• 38:35
  years together before we did it.
• 38:39
  And just like you said, there was a reason why it had to be done because of
• 38:42
  the mental health struggles and all in order to get her underneath the insurance
• 38:49
  benefits, you know, for a hospital and all.
• 38:51
  It had to be done. So now you're into a zone where it benefits you guys in order
• 38:58
  to legally do this because that's the system that we've set up.
• 39:01
  And maybe in the new world, you know, when we all anchor that in,
• 39:05
  we'll look at these things differently.
• 39:07
  I know there's a common law marriages I
• 39:09
  don't know exactly all of that but that that's
• 39:13
  like another idea but even then it's still a paper thing
• 39:16
  so it's realistically the same idea you
• 39:20
  know what I mean and so it's just it's all a game like if you don't like something
• 39:24
  play with it if you like something make art out of it and everything's gonna
• 39:27
  just work out however it's supposed to all the things about like all the feelings
• 39:32
  being pulled in different directions like you don't have to do anything you don't want to.
• 39:38
  Figure out what you want because nobody knows that nobody knows what they want right now,
• 39:43
  you are so right i thank you so much um happy valentine's to you lizzie you
• 39:49
  are my valentine this weekend i told you that so check your mail because i sent you something.
• 39:56
  Um either way i also wanted to tell the entire audience no matter what relationship
• 40:00
  you are in what kind of relationship you are in whether it's a paper whether
• 40:04
  it's just open spiritually or whatever the case may be, we wish you the best.
• 40:09
  And I hope everybody is in love. It's an amazing thing when it's done correctly.
• 40:16
  And we only had this episode because like I said, I know some people are stuck
• 40:19
  and I get it. We feel you. I feel you. It could be very painful.
• 40:24
  Make every step possible to
• 40:26
  make yourself comfortable and happy because that's what it boils down to.
• 40:31
  And that's really what relationships should make you feel is happy.
• 40:35
  So with that, I wish everybody a happy Valentine's Day. I thank you all for
• 40:39
  tuning in. Thank Lizzie.
• 40:41
  And I also wanted to give a shout out to Emma Swales, who also came on this wonderful show.
• 40:47
  I had such a great time with Emma. I know it was such a long time that we were
• 40:52
  talking about having her on the show.
• 40:54
  Emma Swales, follow her, The Bell Witch Podcast. Follow her on all podcast platforms.
• 41:00
  Find her on Facebook, find her on Instagram, follow her, like her.
• 41:05
  She has an award winning podcast and I had her on my show and I'm so happy for that.
• 41:10
  So everybody, thank you all so much again. Thank you again, Lizzie. You're wonderful.
• 41:15
  And we'll see everybody on the next episode.