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BONUS: How Do I Parent This? with Kail Lowry · Untraditionally Lala

0:05
Speaker 1: Hello, my love, it is Lala Can Welcome to the
0:08
Speaker 1: bonus episode of They Give Them La La Pod with
0:11
Speaker 1: Cale Lowry. Hello, my love, Hello, welcome back.
0:14
Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
0:15
Speaker 1: I have so many people who are asking wild, wild,
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Speaker 1: fucking questions about parenting things that I haven't had to
0:22
Speaker 1: think about yet because my oldest is four. Okay, you're
0:25
Speaker 1: kind of you've got all the ages right, seasoned, you
0:29
Speaker 1: are seasoned af So the first question from Julianne underscore
0:36
Speaker 1: Losa says, son fifteen years old wanting to go in
0:41
Speaker 1: bedroom with girlfriend?
0:42
Speaker 2: Oh no, hard, past hard, no.
0:46
Speaker 1: Hell those when you're fifteen, fifteen to sixteen? What happens?
0:50
Speaker 1: What you end up on? Sixteen and pregnant?
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Speaker 3: What was that line from Mean Girls? You will get
0:55
Speaker 3: pregnant and die. Not happening, not on my watch. Here's
0:59
Speaker 3: the thing, this is the part that's controversial, is like
1:01
Speaker 3: teenagers are gonna find a way to do what they
1:03
Speaker 3: want to do right totally, and you guys can live
1:06
Speaker 3: in denial about it, or you can just look in
1:09
Speaker 3: the mirror and face the music.
1:11
Speaker 2: Right.
1:12
Speaker 3: No, we're gonna we're gonna shut that down really quick.
1:14
Speaker 3: You guys can do you know, go to the basement
1:17
Speaker 3: and leave the door open. You know, siblings can come
1:19
Speaker 3: in and out. You can go in the living room,
1:22
Speaker 3: you can go outside, but we're not going in a
1:23
Speaker 3: bedroom and we're not closing the door.
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Speaker 2: It's never happening.
1:26
Speaker 1: Okay, So I fifteen is young. I lost my virginity
1:31
Speaker 1: at seventeen when I was with my boyfriend, who I
1:37
Speaker 1: lost my virginity too. I was told later that my
1:40
Speaker 1: dad was like, you're letting Lauren sleep with her boyfriend
1:45
Speaker 1: and have sleepovers. And my mom was like, if they're
1:47
Speaker 1: gonna have sex, they'll figure out a way to do
1:50
Speaker 1: it in the car at school, They'll figure out how
1:52
Speaker 1: to do it in a bathroom at school. Like, they'll
1:55
Speaker 1: figure it out. So my mom was like, I'm going
1:59
Speaker 1: to try and teach my kid this is how we,
2:03
Speaker 1: you know, practice safe sex and whatnot, because we were
2:07
Speaker 1: fucking like rabbits. But I also wasn't fifteen, so you're
2:10
Speaker 1: on the hard end of like, you're not going to
2:13
Speaker 1: bed with each other.
2:14
Speaker 3: You're not going to bed, But I understand that it's
2:17
Speaker 3: still gonna probably happen, But y'all all better get creative
2:19
Speaker 3: because it's not gonna happen.
2:20
Speaker 2: On my watch.
2:21
Speaker 1: Oh I love that. Okay, yeah, go get creative then,
2:24
Speaker 1: because my creative I gotta prevent it, scale it back,
2:29
Speaker 1: you know.
2:30
Speaker 3: But outside of that, I'm not gonna like make it comfortable.
2:34
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna make it easy. You're not gonna go
2:35
Speaker 2: like we do have a camper, I gotta lock the
2:37
Speaker 2: camper door, you know what I mean?
2:38
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you have a Hella fun house? Are
2:44
Speaker 1: we teaching? I mean your oldest is fifteen and a half.
2:48
Speaker 2: Yeah.
2:49
Speaker 1: Have we had sex talks or sex talks?
2:52
Speaker 3: Condoms? STDs? And that's the other thing too. I think
2:55
Speaker 3: there's such a heavy emphasis on pregnancies and not enough
2:58
Speaker 3: emphasis on STDs. There she can't get.
3:02
Speaker 2: Rid of them.
3:03
Speaker 3: I No, sure you can get the clap and go
3:05
Speaker 3: get some meds, but there are certain ones you can't
3:07
Speaker 3: get rid of ever. And now you have to explain
3:09
Speaker 3: that to every partner. And I'm not trying to stigmatize
3:12
Speaker 3: it by any means, but I'm just like, this is
3:14
Speaker 3: a conversation that I feel like we're dropping the ball
3:16
Speaker 3: on in terms of the you know, the sex talks.
3:19
Speaker 1: I so agree with you. Yeah, And I grew up
3:23
Speaker 1: in Utah where it was like there was no separation
3:27
Speaker 1: between church and state, so church was like very heavy.
3:30
Speaker 1: I didn't grow up Mormon, but it was like, why
3:33
Speaker 1: are we having these conversations that are so just like like,
3:38
Speaker 1: don't do this because you could get pregnant and not
3:40
Speaker 1: go to heaven. It's like, what the fuck?
3:43
Speaker 3: Just like weird conversations that you're just like, let's be
3:46
Speaker 3: logical about this.
3:47
Speaker 2: Please please write.
3:49
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm dreading the sex talks Jillian ray Mason.
3:55
Speaker 1: How do you deal with mom guilt with giving your
3:57
Speaker 1: firstborn enough love as the newborn? So you've had multiple newborns?
4:06
Speaker 2: Yeah?
4:06
Speaker 1: Did it get easier as Isaac got older.
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Speaker 3: I had a really hard time while I was pregnant
4:12
Speaker 3: with my second because I was like, I don't think
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Speaker 3: there's any way that I'll love this baby the way
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Speaker 3: that I love my first child, Like I just didn't
4:20
Speaker 3: know what that was going to be like. And I
4:23
Speaker 3: quickly learned that love multiplies, it doesn't divide. So the
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Speaker 3: more kids I had, the more love I had.
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Speaker 2: It was weird.
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Speaker 3: I don't know how to explain it. So it's like
4:31
Speaker 3: if you put a circle around a circle around a circle.
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Speaker 2: It was like the love got bigger Yeah.
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Speaker 3: And I also think that the age gap between my
4:39
Speaker 3: first and second was really helpful too, because I had
4:41
Speaker 3: one on one time with Isaac, and then when he
4:44
Speaker 3: went to preschool in kindergarten, I had a newborn and
4:46
Speaker 3: so I gave that one on one time to just Lincoln,
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Speaker 3: and so that's sort of what the pattern was.
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Speaker 2: I don't know that.
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Speaker 3: There's ever a way to get around mom gil ever,
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Speaker 3: Like I truly think that it's something that unfortunately we
4:57
Speaker 3: have inherently.
5:00
Speaker 1: I think so too, And I think once you kind
5:02
Speaker 1: of conquer the one with this question, I do understand
5:06
Speaker 1: if we're talking about a newborn, you've got the hormones
5:10
Speaker 1: that are just raging. And I actually felt the same
5:14
Speaker 1: way that you felt cale when I was pregnant with Ocean.
5:19
Speaker 1: I had a very different feeling than I had when
5:21
Speaker 1: I was pregnant with Sosa, my second daughter, And I
5:24
Speaker 1: was like, I don't think I'm gonna love this baby
5:27
Speaker 1: as much as I love Ocean, Like I'm not feeling
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Speaker 1: the same way that I felt when I was pregnant
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Speaker 1: with Ocean. And when Sosa was born, I was like
5:37
Speaker 1: so terrified when she came out. I was like when
5:40
Speaker 1: they lay this baby on my chest, Like what if
5:43
Speaker 1: I don't what if I'm not feeling this chick? Yeah,
5:46
Speaker 1: and you're right. I love what you said that it multiplies,
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Speaker 1: it doesn't divide.
5:52
Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 3: I have chills because I remember Macy from Teen Moms
5:55
Speaker 3: specifically like reaching out to me and being like, Caile,
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Speaker 3: I am having my second. I don't know if I
6:00
Speaker 3: she felt the same, and I sort of explained it
6:02
Speaker 3: to her, and that was years ago. But I think
6:04
Speaker 3: it's a feeling that no mom really wants to talk about.
6:07
Speaker 3: And but I don't know, it's it's it's a weird
6:11
Speaker 3: I don't know how to I don't know how to
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Speaker 3: describe it.
6:12
Speaker 1: I have a question for you. So you had your second,
6:16
Speaker 1: Lincoln with your husband at the time. Yeah, Macy had
6:20
Speaker 1: her second with a husband, right, Yes, Okay, so all
6:27
Speaker 1: three of us have had babies where there's almost a
6:32
Speaker 1: bit of I won't speak for you, but for me,
6:35
Speaker 1: I feel a tremendous trauma bond with my first born. Yes,
6:40
Speaker 1: and I think we have a special place in our
6:44
Speaker 1: hearts for the first because it was not an ideal situation.
6:49
Speaker 1: We were in fight mode for these kids, yep, yep,
6:53
Speaker 1: and the second it was kind of like we got
6:55
Speaker 1: to experience motherhood the way you're supposed to. It's supposed
6:58
Speaker 1: to be fun, it's supposed to be you know, normal,
7:01
Speaker 1: you deal with the normal hormones and what goes into it.
7:05
Speaker 1: But the first was like the moment they were born,
7:08
Speaker 1: it was Duke's up, like, I will fuck you up
7:11
Speaker 1: for this. Baby.
7:13
Speaker 3: You come out guns blazing, like you grow up together,
7:17
Speaker 3: and so you're sort of experiencing different aspects of life
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Speaker 3: together as the first time mom versus the second one
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Speaker 3: is a little bit more chill.
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Speaker 1: I feel, yeah, like we we I kind of know
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Speaker 1: what we're doing, you know, like that baby's like I'm
7:30
Speaker 1: new to the world and you're like, I got you though,
7:32
Speaker 1: because I did this, I've done this before. Yeah, yeah, okay,
7:35
Speaker 1: so I love that. Christy five Lynn says, how do
7:40
Speaker 1: you deal with kids feeling left out?
7:42
Speaker 3: Carving out one in one time? I'm a big proponent
7:45
Speaker 3: of that. I will scream that from the rooftops until
7:47
Speaker 3: the day I die. Is like making sure if that's
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Speaker 3: what they're talking about, maybe like siblings left out in
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Speaker 3: terms of friends.
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Speaker 2: We don't have time for that shit. We'll just move
7:56
Speaker 2: on to the next thing, you know what I mean?
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Speaker 1: Do they feel left out amongst each other? They all
8:01
Speaker 1: play pretty well.
8:02
Speaker 3: My middle two will be like, oh, you love him
8:04
Speaker 3: more than me, or you know, you said he looked
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Speaker 3: nice today and you didn't say I looked nice today,
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Speaker 3: So like in that.
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Speaker 2: Way, But I think that's just like a siblings thing.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes, like these kids are smart. They there are
8:17
Speaker 1: times where Ocean will say something to me and I
8:19
Speaker 1: know the difference between this is a genuine uh, this
8:23
Speaker 1: is a genuine comment, or you're trying to hustle me
8:26
Speaker 1: for the ice cream in the fridge.
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Speaker 2: They know, they know.
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Speaker 1: I don't know when. I don't know if it's always
8:34
Speaker 1: been this way, but kids are so freaking smart now.
8:37
Speaker 2: So smart, and I'm like, where did you learn this?
8:40
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah, my daughter is uh doing kissy faces and
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Speaker 1: hearthands and I'm like, oh, what the fuck is this?
8:48
Speaker 1: And there are people that are like, it's her mom,
8:50
Speaker 1: and I go, I haven't done a kissy face since
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Speaker 1: I was twenty two.
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Speaker 2: I do it every day. So my daughter always is
8:55
Speaker 2: like and I'm like, nope, that's me, definitely me.
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Speaker 1: So you think maybe the kissy face was just inherited yeah,
9:02
Speaker 1: because you know we all love to kissy face. Back
9:05
Speaker 1: in the day in.
9:06
Speaker 2: High school, you couldn't tell me anything. Now I'm doing
9:08
Speaker 2: it again. I'm doing peace signs are.
9:10
Speaker 1: Back, the peace sign and kissy face and heart hands.
9:14
Speaker 1: I'm like maybe Taylor Swift. I don't know what kind
9:17
Speaker 1: of music do your kids like? Like what artists post alone?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, we're big Posty, Jelly Rowl, Morgan Wallin.
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Speaker 3: My second son's big into rap. But I couldn't name
9:28
Speaker 3: a rap song to save my life.
9:30
Speaker 2: Really no, I can't. I mean I used to listen
9:33
Speaker 2: to it, but times had changed.
9:35
Speaker 1: I mean, I isn't good anymore. Yeah, what is like?
9:39
Speaker 2: Is Drake still around?
9:41
Speaker 1: Drake kind of got buried by Kendrick Lamore, Okay, Yeah,
9:44
Speaker 1: I think he's trying to just like re establish who
9:49
Speaker 1: he is. I mean I still fuck with Drake pretty hard.
9:52
Speaker 1: But you know, my four year old is very into
9:56
Speaker 1: like TLC and Love. She loves no Scrubs. She's very
10:01
Speaker 1: into Dream. I don't know if you remember dream. Of course,
10:04
Speaker 1: he loves you, not you, though, I'm not sure it's
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Speaker 1: the healthiest of music that I'm subjecting.
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Speaker 3: What they're singing. Why do you let them listen to this.
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Speaker 3: My four year old also sings no scrubs. He'll literally
10:18
Speaker 3: ask for it. And I just am thinking, I did
10:21
Speaker 3: not know what I was singing back then, so they
10:23
Speaker 3: don't know what they're singing.
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Speaker 1: They have no idea.
10:26
Speaker 2: Let that be the trauma.
10:27
Speaker 1: Let that the trauma is my mom. Let me listen
10:30
Speaker 1: to TLC too young.
10:33
Speaker 2: It's fine.
10:33
Speaker 1: I can think of worse things. Yo, yeah, says what
10:37
Speaker 1: do you have planned in case? Okay, this is dark,
10:40
Speaker 1: but I'm asking you, Okay, what do you have planned
10:45
Speaker 1: in case you pass away unexpectedly? Oh?
10:49
Speaker 3: I talk about this all the time. I do not
10:52
Speaker 3: want to live past sixty five. Okay, my kids know this.
10:55
Speaker 3: This is a common conversation in the household. I have
10:58
Speaker 3: a living will. All of my kids get a million
11:00
Speaker 3: dollars each. I have a whole estate plan that I've
11:04
Speaker 3: been working on. Well, it's been done for a long time,
11:06
Speaker 3: but I've had it. I've had it for a really
11:08
Speaker 3: long time. So no worries.
11:10
Speaker 1: And they go to their dads. Oh if they're like
11:14
Speaker 1: not eighteen, yeah they're not eighteen.
11:16
Speaker 2: Yeah. All of them go to their dads, except for
11:18
Speaker 2: to go to go to my cousin.
11:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, the ninety ten, right, I'm sorry, is that rude?
11:30
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna call him the ninety ten, the ninety ten.
11:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm changing his contact to my phone ninety ten.
11:37
Speaker 1: I mean, it's such I feel like, and I don't
11:42
Speaker 1: know if this is just like a generational thing, Like
11:45
Speaker 1: my mother doesn't even have like a will or an
11:50
Speaker 1: estate plan, not that we need it because we're grown
11:53
Speaker 1: adults now her kids, but like even just things going
11:56
Speaker 1: into probate, Whereas like I've got all my shit lined up,
11:59
Speaker 1: like I got ducks in a row.
12:01
Speaker 3: One thousand, and I update mine pretty regularly because I
12:04
Speaker 3: just get like, as circumstances.
12:05
Speaker 1: You just have more kids, so you have to.
12:09
Speaker 3: I have to, like, well that was one of them,
12:11
Speaker 3: like the life insurance and stuff like that. It's like, oh,
12:14
Speaker 3: I got to make sure that everyone gets an equal amount,
12:16
Speaker 3: and then I got to figure that out because who's
12:18
Speaker 3: going to get the house, and then like you know,
12:20
Speaker 3: I got to figure.
12:20
Speaker 2: It all out.
12:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, we don't.
12:22
Speaker 3: Actually, like the fucked up part is that we live
12:27
Speaker 3: under unique circumstances, and so I don't if something happens
12:31
Speaker 3: to me, I don't want to throw them to the
12:33
Speaker 3: wolves and say, like, you got to figure this out.
12:35
Speaker 3: So I got us here, so I kind of have
12:37
Speaker 3: to figure out what happens if I'm gone, Like I
12:39
Speaker 3: don't want them to have to like go bankrupt or
12:42
Speaker 3: like have to pay bills that they don't have money.
12:44
Speaker 2: Like, I don't know. It's just a weird. It's such
12:46
Speaker 2: a weird place to be to.
12:47
Speaker 1: Think about you dead, yes, and yeah, fucking crazy and
12:50
Speaker 1: so dark when you're going through that entire situation of
12:54
Speaker 1: like if you die, what do you want to have
12:56
Speaker 1: happened to this? I cried most of those conversations.
13:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's hard because you really have to put yourself
13:04
Speaker 3: in that space.
13:05
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh my god, Kelsey underscore skinner, how do you
13:09
Speaker 1: stay calm uh with a toddler? She's struggling and feels
13:13
Speaker 1: very guilty.
13:14
Speaker 3: Okay, So one of the things one of my kids has,
13:18
Speaker 3: it's called p C. It it's like parent let therapy
13:21
Speaker 3: where parents go with the child and we are trying
13:24
Speaker 3: to tackle like those big emotions. And she was telling
13:27
Speaker 3: me that when a child is having like a meltdown
13:30
Speaker 3: or something, you sort of have to not ignore it,
13:34
Speaker 3: but you do have to wait until they calm down
13:36
Speaker 3: to have those conversations with the child, because just like
13:39
Speaker 3: an adult, you cannot talk to someone who's in this
13:41
Speaker 3: like emotionally charged space.
13:43
Speaker 2: You have to wait until they calm down.
13:45
Speaker 3: There's a name for it, and it's called, Oh, it's
13:47
Speaker 3: called effective ignoring. So you redirect one time and then
13:51
Speaker 3: you have to ignore everything else after that. You don't
13:54
Speaker 3: want to feed into the tantrum or the meltdown. With
13:57
Speaker 3: the negotiations, you tell them one or two times and
13:59
Speaker 3: wait to they calm down, and then have the conversation
14:01
Speaker 3: redirect or something after they're already calm.
14:04
Speaker 1: Okay, oh I love that, and that is extremely helpful.
14:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean just think about it.
14:09
Speaker 3: You're gonna you're telling your child who's probably having a meltdown, like, oh,
14:13
Speaker 3: if you keep doing this, I'm gonna call dad.
14:14
Speaker 2: If you keep doing this, I'm gonna do this. If
14:16
Speaker 2: you keep doing this, it's not help.
14:17
Speaker 3: They're not processing their own feelings that they're currently having,
14:21
Speaker 3: let alone the consequence of whatever is happening.
14:23
Speaker 1: Okay, Oh I love this.
14:26
Speaker 2: Yeah. She it's called I think it's called pc pc it,
14:29
Speaker 2: which is like parent led therapy.
14:30
Speaker 1: That's why very helpful. Look at you. I'm gonna look
14:34
Speaker 1: this up. Uh Vic underscore on ninety four. How does
14:38
Speaker 1: slash did she deal with toxic co parenting?
14:42
Speaker 2: This is a gray Rock method.
14:44
Speaker 3: Gray Rock method, you literally cannot engage with any behaviors,
14:48
Speaker 3: any comments, conversations except for when it has to do
14:52
Speaker 3: with the kids. Also, there's apps that you can talk
14:54
Speaker 3: to your co parents through.
14:56
Speaker 1: We have I'm in ofw bitch I use.
15:02
Speaker 2: Talking parents, Talking parents.
15:04
Speaker 1: That's what he uses for his other baby mama.
15:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's familiar, it sucks, but like, and it's hard,
15:10
Speaker 3: it's so frickin' hard.
15:13
Speaker 2: But you literally can't respond to anything outside of kids.
15:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, gray rocking is really hard for me. I show
15:19
Speaker 1: all my cards very quickly, Like I show I'm like
15:23
Speaker 1: the threatener. I'm like, listen, motherfucker, you do this, this
15:26
Speaker 1: is gonna happen. And then I'm not prepared to actually
15:30
Speaker 1: make that happen.
15:31
Speaker 3: No, never, we never are, and so they're just like
15:34
Speaker 3: empty threats. That's the only thing that like, that's the
15:37
Speaker 3: only thing I can think of gray Rock.
15:38
Speaker 1: You know what, though, that's so helpful, Like you said,
15:43
Speaker 1: if you can just look at a text and ignore
15:47
Speaker 1: every single thing except for the details that have to
15:50
Speaker 1: do with the kid, and it has to be productive,
15:52
Speaker 1: right what like because they can they'll learn they know
15:57
Speaker 1: what triggers you, and they'll pocket that and bring those
16:00
Speaker 1: things up just to get you to engage.
16:04
Speaker 2: One thousand percent.
16:05
Speaker 3: And the other thing is email too, Like if texting
16:08
Speaker 3: doesn't work, do email, because you're if you don't have
16:11
Speaker 3: your notifications on. If you're communicating via email only you
16:16
Speaker 3: it sort of creates a pause in between each reaction
16:20
Speaker 3: and so you kind of have a minute to like
16:22
Speaker 3: decompress for a second, or maybe you forget about it,
16:25
Speaker 3: where like a text message is in your face. So
16:28
Speaker 3: I feel like it's a little bit power in the
16:30
Speaker 3: pause sort of deal.
16:31
Speaker 1: There is power in the pause. And I always love
16:33
Speaker 1: to go to the note section and purge all of
16:36
Speaker 1: your feelings, go back, ad rewrite, and by the time
16:39
Speaker 1: you're finished and you've got the perfect response, you're over it.
16:42
Speaker 2: You're like, you don't even want to send it.
16:44
Speaker 1: Half the time you're like, I never want to see
16:46
Speaker 1: this again.
16:47
Speaker 3: But it takes a long I don't want to discredit
16:48
Speaker 3: the period that it takes to get to that point
16:51
Speaker 3: is sort of hard, because yeah, you just got to
16:55
Speaker 3: you got to be in the right mindset to even
16:57
Speaker 3: be at that place.
16:58
Speaker 1: Well, and we're not talking about like little drama. We're
17:01
Speaker 1: talking about you discussing your child. Like that's the rawest
17:08
Speaker 1: emotion anyone can have, is when you're discussing your baby children.
17:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, agreed, Jess.
17:15
Speaker 1: Dot Barrett Bio. Dad isn't very involved and lives six
17:17
Speaker 1: hours away. My son misses him, Slash asks for him.
17:21
Speaker 1: Do you ever deal with that?
17:22
Speaker 2: No, my kids have never asked for their dads.
17:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, same, I've asked.
17:26
Speaker 2: I asked for my dad growing up.
17:28
Speaker 3: But I think when there was a period of no contact,
17:33
Speaker 3: you know, around the time Lux was born, my therapist
17:35
Speaker 3: told me to write everything down and so you know,
17:38
Speaker 3: if the relationship was the same by the time you know,
17:40
Speaker 3: Lux turned eighteen or whatever, I had detailed explanations and
17:44
Speaker 3: writing for those with those time stamps on it, and
17:46
Speaker 3: so my child could understand where my head was at
17:49
Speaker 3: during that time or what was going on. And so
17:51
Speaker 3: that's sort of a way too, because I think so
17:53
Speaker 3: often you hear like, oh, you know, my my baby
17:56
Speaker 3: mama kept me away from the child, or you know,
17:59
Speaker 3: they never never text. But it's like, here's like a
18:02
Speaker 3: stack of letters that I wrote to you your whole
18:04
Speaker 3: life about where my head was, where you know, what
18:06
Speaker 3: was going on during that time. And obviously we know
18:08
Speaker 3: that you know, anyone can fabricate. But I think that
18:11
Speaker 3: if you're going to put the effort into doing something
18:13
Speaker 3: like that for your child because of the dad, you're
18:16
Speaker 3: probably not going to fabricate, you know what I mean,
18:18
Speaker 3: Like they're going to put the effort where it needs
18:20
Speaker 3: to be, right.
18:21
Speaker 1: I don't even know how I would deal with with
18:24
Speaker 1: a child being like I want to see my dad
18:26
Speaker 1: and they live far away. That sounds like a complex
18:29
Speaker 1: one that I wish I could help with. But I
18:31
Speaker 1: don't think I'm going to give you any good advice.
18:34
Speaker 1: You gave great advice. Kil Rooftop Underscore News TV. I
18:39
Speaker 1: caught my kids smoking weed.
18:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know what to say about that one.
18:45
Speaker 2: I'm not there yet. But I smoked a lot of
18:47
Speaker 2: weed as a teenager.
18:48
Speaker 1: So you were a little pothead.
18:50
Speaker 2: Oh big pothead, big pothead?
18:52
Speaker 1: Oh god? And you know I no one could tell
18:56
Speaker 1: you shit, no, no, we're up in these stret's smoke
19:00
Speaker 1: in your jas. I smoked like a fucking it was
19:06
Speaker 1: when I moved to LA I was into the edibles.
19:09
Speaker 2: Oh okay, so fun.
19:12
Speaker 1: I wish I could. I'm not I'm not at that
19:14
Speaker 1: point either. Obviously. My four year old's not like, hey, mom,
19:16
Speaker 1: I'd love to smoke a joint with you, but like
19:20
Speaker 1: it does freak me the fuck out.
19:22
Speaker 3: I don't even know what I would say, Like, I
19:24
Speaker 3: don't know what I if. My he's so anti like vapes,
19:28
Speaker 3: anti smoking, anti god.
19:30
Speaker 1: He's like a dream child.
19:32
Speaker 3: Truly, I mean, knock on wood, he truly is like
19:35
Speaker 3: I have had no issues.
19:37
Speaker 1: When someone says the word vape, I start to feeding,
19:39
Speaker 1: I'm like, where what huh? All come over six hours
19:44
Speaker 1: to get to a vape? Sure? I don't give one fuck,
19:46
Speaker 1: no no problem, all right. The last one I have
19:50
Speaker 1: for you is my This is from Shannon Evans. My
19:58
Speaker 1: daughter started cussing lately and she won't stop. She's ten,
20:02
Speaker 1: she will she will lip it too.
20:04
Speaker 2: What the F I mean, I'm gonna get canceled for this.
20:09
Speaker 3: But kids cussing is my favorite thing.
20:14
Speaker 1: I mean, I remember my lawyer said to me, he
20:17
Speaker 1: was like, here's the thing about kids cussing. I tell
20:20
Speaker 1: my kids, you can't cuss out in the regular world.
20:24
Speaker 1: Right when you're at home, as long as you're using
20:27
Speaker 1: the cuss word correctly, have a fucking heyday. I don't
20:30
Speaker 1: give a shit.
20:31
Speaker 3: I said that on my podcast. The problem is because
20:34
Speaker 3: I did that with my kids. It backfired like all
20:37
Speaker 3: it was was cussing, Like it was just straight cussing
20:39
Speaker 3: all the time.
20:40
Speaker 2: So I was like, we got to steel back.
20:41
Speaker 1: And so when you have seven kids and you allow
20:44
Speaker 1: them all to cuss, it's one giant bleep.
20:47
Speaker 2: Right. My two year old this morning said, oh shit,
20:50
Speaker 2: So I.
20:51
Speaker 1: Was like that, No, but at that age, it's so
20:54
Speaker 1: they don't know.
20:57
Speaker 3: They don't and I can't like same notes from pcit
21:03
Speaker 3: do not acknowledge what I don't approve, repeat back what
21:06
Speaker 3: I do.
21:07
Speaker 2: So she said, ignore when they cuss.
21:09
Speaker 1: Okay, good to know.
21:11
Speaker 2: I laugh and I have to look the other way.
21:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's funny, especially at that age. I remember the
21:16
Speaker 1: first time my daughter called me a stupid bitch, which
21:19
Speaker 1: obviously she had heard somewhere.
21:21
Speaker 2: But also it was in the right context.
21:24
Speaker 1: Some and I was being a stupid bitch, so I just.
21:27
Speaker 2: Meant like she used it properly.
21:32
Speaker 1: She wanted the hot tip heated now, and I refused,
21:36
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, stupid bitch, and I was like, I've never
21:42
Speaker 1: been so hurt. Cal I hurt me.
21:44
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm laughing at your pain.
21:45
Speaker 1: No, it's fine, but it's kind of like similar to
21:47
Speaker 1: the first time she told me she hated me, And
21:50
Speaker 1: now if she says it, I'm like, you'll get over it.
21:52
Speaker 2: Like yeah, you'll move on, it'll be right now.
21:55
Speaker 1: She's four. If she hears a cussword, she disciplines all
21:59
Speaker 1: of us.
22:00
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, like a like a jar.
22:03
Speaker 1: Yes, And it's like, you will not say that, Gigi.
22:06
Speaker 1: My mom will wash your mouth out with soap. That
22:08
Speaker 1: is terrible what you just said. So she's now, but
22:12
Speaker 1: I know that it's going to roll back around again,
22:14
Speaker 1: like this woman has a ten year old who's cussing unfortunately,
22:18
Speaker 1: like they're exposed to school TikTok all the things I
22:22
Speaker 1: think you just say, like you know what, when you're
22:25
Speaker 1: like at a restaurant or at school, try not to
22:27
Speaker 1: cuss when you're here with your friends, Like I don't
22:30
Speaker 1: really care. It's not hurting anybody. I feel when you
22:33
Speaker 1: when you bring down a heavy hammer. Kids want to rebel,
22:36
Speaker 1: rebeil oh, rebel, rebel.
22:38
Speaker 3: No one thousand percent. I feel like like desensitizing them
22:41
Speaker 3: to it a little bit. That was my whole theory.
22:43
Speaker 3: Like I said it back, I think it's different with
22:45
Speaker 3: boys too, because they'll just keep pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing it. Right,
22:48
Speaker 3: girls test in a different way. So I definitely backfired
22:52
Speaker 3: on me, But yeah, I agree, like, just don't acknowledge
22:56
Speaker 3: it and then they're like, oh, I didn't get the reaction.
22:57
Speaker 1: I wanted exactly. And I think you, like, your kids
23:01
Speaker 1: are gonna grow up knowing that, like you're a cool bitch, right,
23:05
Speaker 1: Like I hope so they will. They're gonna they're not
23:08
Speaker 1: gonna feel judgment from you because you had your mistakes
23:14
Speaker 1: mistakes on a public forum, you know, kind of like
23:18
Speaker 1: when people ask me, are you nervous for your kids
23:21
Speaker 1: to watch you on vander Pump Rules, Not at all.
23:24
Speaker 1: I want my kids to see that like mom got
23:27
Speaker 1: a little too drunk and took her top off in
23:28
Speaker 1: front of like a bunch of people, Like I've seen
23:31
Speaker 1: some shit. I'm gonna give you a roadmap on how
23:33
Speaker 1: to not embarrass the hell out of yourself, and if
23:36
Speaker 1: you choose to still do it, just know I'll love
23:39
Speaker 1: you there's no judgment here. And if you choose to
23:42
Speaker 1: look at me and say I want to be nothing
23:44
Speaker 1: like my mother, like great, I've done my job.
23:47
Speaker 3: I think that that is sort of the fact that
23:49
Speaker 3: I had on my oldest like he wants to. He
23:53
Speaker 3: knows that I've already fucked up enough for everybody, so
23:55
Speaker 3: he sort of is like, Mom's gonna think Mom will
23:58
Speaker 3: get through this.
23:58
Speaker 2: I'm gonna call my mom. It'll be fine. She's got
24:01
Speaker 2: to judge me, And so that's kind of the nice
24:04
Speaker 2: flip side of it.
24:05
Speaker 1: All right, there's always a silver lining, and I'm here
24:07
Speaker 1: to find it with you, guys. Cal I really had
24:10
Speaker 1: the best time with you. You are so freaking easy
24:12
Speaker 1: to talk to.
24:13
Speaker 2: Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you
24:15
Speaker 2: for having me.
24:16
Speaker 1: I it was a pleasure you guys. Thank you for
24:19
Speaker 1: listening to another bonus episode of the Give Them a
24:21
Speaker 1: La Podcast. We will catch you next Monday and on
24:25
Speaker 1: Wednesday for a regular old episode. Bye.