Latest / High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm / This One Thing is the Common Factor of ALL Disorder & Dysfunction in Marriage

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This One Thing is the Common Factor of ALL Disorder & Dysfunction in Marriage · High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the High Level Wife podcast.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and we do Marriage God's Way here.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to start off by posing the question, or posing the statement, actually, is that this one thing is common in every single conversation I have with a wife whose marriage is not flourishing according to God's design, right?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: A marriage that's either at the on the brink of divorce is completely destroyed and not much hope remains, um, or is good but is not flourishing.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like there is a common denominator in all of these things, and so this is where you know my primary role in guiding women in being godly wives is to bring this to their attention.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And this one key thing is the order of their priorities, and it's not what you say your priorities are, but it's actually what you're doing every single day, right?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's what is consuming your thoughts because that's gonna flow over into your actions, and so the right order is God first, and then you and then your marriage, then your kids, then your work, and then everything else.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure probably 100% of you listening to this podcast would say that, yeah, God is first in my life.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: But if I actually sat back and examined your life, which I'm not going to do, I am not the judge here, okay?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: That is not what I do, that is not my role.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: But if you gave me a spreadsheet of how you spend your time, like if you were actually like it wasn't like subjective, right?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was objective that something recorded your whole day and it automatically calculated how much time and energy and resources and finances went to different things.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think that that for most of us would show a very drastically different picture of what our actual order is that we're living out.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for most wives, it's that kids actually come first.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And for most husbands, it's actually that work comes first.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so, and that's that's not true for everybody.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was one of those weirdos that like work came first for me.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't actually kids.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it can it can be all sorts of orders, but what I want you to understand in this is it's not what you say, it's what you actually do.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: What or who gets the first fruits, the best of you?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: That tells you what order you're actually living according to, right?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so, in order for us to live according to the right order, God has to be first, and that does not mean what Western Christianity thinks that it means that Western Christianity has failed you saying that your faithfulness to God is contingent upon whether your butts in church on Sundays or not.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: No, it that's part of the overflow, it's actually days one through six that display the order of your life more than day seven.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Day seven is to be an overflow, not the point, right?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: So this one thing, this one thing, and it's order.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: What is the actual order of priorities in your life?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is going to tell me, as someone who is coaching you in your marriage, what needs to change, and it's not just shifting your focus, it's actually getting to the deepest parts of your heart of what you're holding on to, right?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that's control or an outcome or kids or a way of living or whatever you name it, you fill in the blank, whatever that is, like it's getting to that root so that we can lay that down in full surrender to God because it's about the heart posture behind the actions, it's not about the actions themselves.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so I want to challenge you today by posing the question of if you were to take an actual audit of your of your week, of your day, what's getting the most time and energy and resources?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is where your biggest priority actually is.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I understand, right?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: You work, maybe, right?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's 40 hours a week.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it could be that you know you'd be like, oh, well, according to this, it's it's my work.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: But what what is actually consuming your thoughts?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Include that in the audit as well.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: We actually do uh something inside high-level wife called the 168-hour audit, um, because we have 168 hours in a week.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it's very eye-opening to see like what what areas, first of all, are getting most of your time, and what areas are not actually getting any time at all.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's very sobering, it's very humbling to be able to see it uh in real time, right in front of you of like, oh, I'm saying that this is important, but how much time I'm actually spending on it.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not about quantity either.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: I understand that, right?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: It really is about quality.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of times, those numbers, they're they're not gonna lie, and they're actually going to be very revealing to what is most important to us, not just what we say or what we think, but what we're actually doing when push comes to shove.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So if this is something that you want to do right now in community, then join high-level life.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like this, this is something like we get into the practicalness of it as well, right?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: We get into the mindset behind it, but most importantly, we get to the deepest part of our heart posture.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't do it.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: God brings a transformation.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I simply facilitate getting you into position so that you can fully surrender to the Lord and He can do his transformative work in and through you.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it happens in an instant, and sometimes it happens over a long period of time, depending on how God wants to display his power and his glory in and through you and your marriage.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: So join us.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's great, uh, truly.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's such an amazing community to get in a place where women are not only intently working on themselves in the sense of letting God do the work, right?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: The inner inner stuff, the heavy stuff, right?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: The healing, the wholeness, like intentionally being uncomfortable because we know that's where God does his greatest works in and through us.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: But they're women who are pouring into each other and encouraging each other and challenging each other and continuing to call each other higher.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's a room that I am blessed to say that I get to be in, that I get to shepherd, that I get to steward, and it's all for God's glory.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, it's not for mine, it's not because I have the perfect 12-step program to your perfect marriage, or because I have a perfect marriage.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's literally the area where God's power and glory has been most on display through my life in the area that He uses me most impactfully to build his kingdom.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: So if that's a place that it sounds like you want to be too, then join us.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have the link in the show notes here somewhere where you can join high-level wife.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh yeah, let's get to it.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you found this encouraging, then share it with a friend.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's really not about the metrics, but the more that people review, the more that people share it, the more that I get in front of other people or in their earbuds, right?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And God's message gets out and more lives are impacted for his kingdom and for his glory.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next episode.