Latest / Aging Parent TrapX / Elder Care Cost: Who Pays? The Hidden Financial Burden on Gen X
Transcript
- Allison Newlon: who's paying for all this? You know, you've got groceries, prescriptions, repairs, taking time off work, flying in to help, paying caregivers. Who is paying for all of this stuff? Welcome to the Aging Parent Trap X podcast and YouTube channel. My name is Allison Newen. I'm the broker owner of Platinum Properties of Florida in the greater Tampa Bay area. I am here with my friends and colleagues, Julie Cook with Generational Transitions and Nikki Flynn with Elite Preparation Services. And we talk to you, Gen Xers, about helping your aging parents navigate their senior years. These are conversations we were having with Our families, our friends, it is dominating what we think about. It consumes us these days. And so we have this entire podcast channel talking about it in an effort to find out what's going on out there and to help others navigate these situations with their parents. And today we're talking about who is paying for all of the hidden costs caring for our aging parents. And so there are things, and I just said it in the intro, you know, groceries, prescriptions, home. repairs taking time off work I just said all that stuff flying in if you live out of state who is paying for all this stuff because these are hidden costs that you have not budgeted for and you know something happens to mom or dad and whoa you've got to stop everything you're doing you have to take time off work because you're probably likely still working and you've got to fly in fly out I mean that stuff gets expensive and guess who's paying for it Gen Xers mostly unless mom and dad have a big bank account and are ready to to handle that and that seems silly because you're probably in your 50s and you don't want to ask mom and dad to pay for all this stuff. Anyways, so I'm gonna leave it there and let you guys jump in and and talk about some of these costs because I think Nikki you probably had some of them. You have some now. NikkiElitePrepServices: Yeah. i we are now deciding if I'm even allowed to if I can even work anymore. 'Cause caretaking has now become a a full time role. to the point where I don't know if she's basically gonna be bedridden. So Allison Newlon: my. NikkiElitePrepServices: so it's Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Mmm. NikkiElitePrepServices: it's either gonna be me i changing catheters or changing diapers and all the things, dealing with bed sores, having to bathe in bed. so it's it's a lot and it's either I do it or I have to pay somebody to come in and do it and it's like okay well let's look at this I'm gonna move somebody in like I don't have the space for that so it's just Allison Newlon: 'Cause it's round the clock. NikkiElitePrepServices: yeah Allison Newlon: And you and let's you have some medical training in your background. That's not NikkiElitePrepServices: Yeah. Allison Newlon: something that everybody could even take on. I mean Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Mm. NikkiElitePrepServices: Right. Yeah. I went to school and I I got my CNA license, so I'm a certified nursing assistant, so I know the basics. That's pretty much a CNA role. So yeah, I know it. But it just Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: . NikkiElitePrepServices: it's a little different when it's your parent. that's why Allison Newlon: Yes. NikkiElitePrepServices: being a caretaker is is rough and it's it's a lot. So it's a financial burden for sure because a lot of people think that their health insurance is gonna pay for it and it's not. This is an out of pocket expense. So you're looking at about thirty dollars an hour. So it was delta. Allison Newlon: For a and and with a minimum amount of time. You can't just have somebody come NikkiElitePrepServices: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: for an hour. they're they they have certain minimums. and and so and in your case, you guys it was kind of like the accidental move in that NikkiElitePrepServices: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: you know, it became necessary for them to stay. But even so, if they had found a place, they probably would have ended up back with you anyways, you know. NikkiElitePrepServices: Yep. Allison Newlon: you know, so I I made, you know, a light intro to this conversation and then that's a very heavy topic. you know, 'cause that that's the you know, you're either paying for the assistant living facility that handles that or skill care nursing facility, right, Julie, that handles those kinds of situations, which is in the thousands of dollars per month. And Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: that's not covered by by insurance. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Nikki brings up a good point, because when we started this, in my mind, I was thinking that because of my background, I was thinking the financial side of things. And oftentimes, like we talked about, you've got adult children in their 40s and 50s. They may be well established in their career, but they also have mortgages and kids and a lot of responsibilities. then senior living is not inexpensive. There are things that you can do, but it's not inexpensive. And so who steps in and pays for this? And a lot of times I'll approach adult children and say, okay, here's the gap. Can you help? And they just look at me like, what? So there's lots of things to consider. There's the financial side NikkiElitePrepServices: Yeah. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: of it. But then I think what Nikki brought up that is so important is then there's also the physical and the emotional side of it of, okay, if we're not gonna do a senior living community and an adult child has to step in. finances at times seems like it's easy to throw money at something, but if it's your time and it's your energy and all of that, that's a whole nother, that's a whole nother situation. Allison Newlon: Yeah, if you have a job that you have to to leave to step in to to care for a loved one. you know, are you gonna be able to get it back at this point in time? Right? Like you leave, what's gonna Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: I mean there are protections excuse me. There are protections. there's family medical leave stuff, but that's temporary. And I don't even think that that is necessarily paid. I think that's probably employer to employer. I'm self employed, so you know, I I don't know and that for sure, but those are definitely things worth considering. So I guess Yeah, so you've worked as a Gen X or you've worked, probably since the time you're 14 years old, let's face it, because that's what we did, all the Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Okay. Allison Newlon: way up to wherever you are in your, you know, late 40s and 50s, and you're not quite ready to retire and you're still banking money for retirement and to cover at future expenses like this, you've got likely kids going into college. if you had children, if you chose that path and you you you're paying you're helping your kids in college. they may be getting student loans too, but you've got your mortgage, your car payment, your retirement contribution, and just you were thinking you were gonna go travel the world now, right? And that's not happening. NikkiElitePrepServices: Yeah, it and it adds up. It does definitely add up and depending on what stage your parent is at, that's another factor. So I mean that's if they're just elderly and they can't be at home alone, then it's a facility where they need around the clock care and they me they might need help with the ADLs, but they're still somewhat healthy for their age and they have longevity, then you've got some situations where they're might be bedridden and they're full round the clock care in their nursing home where they need that full time support. That changing of the diapers or the bedpans and the catheters and and all the things. So it it just depends on what stage they're at and Allison Newlon: And that's not covered and that's not covered by any type of insurance for that skilled nursing care for very long, if you NikkiElitePrepServices: No, it's it's a short term thing. So if you have a hip replacement or something Allison Newlon: Mm-hmm. NikkiElitePrepServices: and and it's temporary, then yes, your insurance is definitely gonna step in and help. You still are gonna have co pays, you're still gonna have out of pocket expenses. So a lot of the seniors now like I was gonna mention before, my mom was a receptionist and she did medical coding and billing. It's not like she she banked for retirement a lot, so Allison Newlon: Right. NikkiElitePrepServices: it it's not like she was able to put a lot aside to Go towards that. So it's all right, well, there is no money option that it just defaults straight to me. So Allison Newlon: Yeah. NikkiElitePrepServices: at that point, you know, then it's like, okay, what are your options? And depending on the care level, that's where the cost really comes in. So having to figure out who can foot that bill and who's going to be able to step in and help, it's a lot. And a lot Allison Newlon: That is salt pot. NikkiElitePrepServices: of times this part wasn't planned for. I don't know what happened. I feel like we just woke up one day and this all of a sudden was just in our lap. Because I Allison Newlon: Exactly. Exactly. NikkiElitePrepServices: grandma and grandpa, they weren't like this. So I I I Allison Newlon: No. I I mean, I I don't NikkiElitePrepServices: don't know what happened. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: I think it is I mean, it is new territory for Gen Xers. I mean, I certainly they're I'm sure Gen Xers have ex some of them have experienced or watched it with their grandparents, but our grandparents didn't live nearly as long and I I don't know. I I'm I'm not I'm not mad about it, just we don't know how to navigate it and our parents didn't plan for it in many cases. So now that is like who is paying for this and this is like this is why we're having siblings that can communicate with each other and are civil with each other and have a respect for their parents to a certain extent where they're able to contribute and maybe not, you know. Equally contribute, but contribute you know proportionately to what people can and can't afford. Because you might have the guy that's the CEO, and then you've got the person who's the school teacher. Certainly, the school teacher Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: lady can't contribute $3,000 a month and CEO just go, Well, I'm only gonna give $3,000 a month. I mean, you know, think about those things and and be fair to each other and kind to each other because it it's not, I'm not saying one person has to take care of it all, but it's if you have siblings and you're able to work some of this out you know from the from the very extreme situation and it's not even extreme it's like a normal situation unfortunately that's happening to Nikki you know it's extreme in the sense that Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: it's a lot of time and emotionally draining, you know, physically, emotionally draining and and financially draining as well. Because if you have to put things on pods for a little while, you know, that could really affect you. I don't know what to say about it, but you know, hopefully you just have to deal with who's paying for the prescriptions and, you know, home repairs and running mom and dad to the grocery store and paying for their groceries or whatever. Hopefully those are the the things or just flying in to help that those are really minimal expenses. So let's put it in perspective really. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: That's a good point is we talked about, Allison Newlon: Yeah. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: groceries and persp... Like you just said, and I can see I've run into situations where family members are like, well, I don't want to pay for their groceries. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do that. But I think this conversation has brought into perspective, you know what, you could be helping... For prescriptions, you could be paying for an airline ticket to go for a weekend and help, or you could be potentially sacrificing your employment because your parents need more. So put it in perspective. Even if your relationship may not have been fabulous with your parent, which we run into a lot, put it in perspective. You have them, do what you can to help. You may not be able to write the $3,000 month check, that's fine, but what can you do to help? What can you do to contribute to make it a better situation? Allison Newlon: Yeah. Well, I'm so these are tough conversations. these are things that we're going through. Would love to know what you're going through out there with your siblings, your parents. What things are you having to pay for? What are the hidden costs that you're experiencing, and what how are you doing about it?