Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / Ep. 61 Navigating Mom Guilt and Transforming our Financial Mindset

Transcript

Ep. 61 Navigating Mom Guilt and Transforming our Financial Mindset · Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design

• 0:00
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We were recently.
• 0:00
  Carrie Lingenfelter: You and I were talking about the guilt of spending as a mom, and the other day I think it was yesterday I sent in an order for some clothing that I needed for myself and I tried to just picture the money going toward the vendor that I was purchasing from and I also tried to just feel myself release that guilt, because spending on myself is definitely something that I don't do, and I just feel this heaviness in my stomach from it.
• 0:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So it's been.
• 0:30
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's been kind of interesting.
• 0:32
  Erin Gray: You're listening to generate a life Well live.
• 0:34
  Erin Gray: Podcast.
• 0:34
  Erin Gray: I'm your friend and confidant, aaron gray.
• 0:36
  Erin Gray: I'm a former certified financial planner, turned human design, financial mentor and guide to entrepreneurs.
• 0:42
  Erin Gray: I believe our money and our business can only thrive at the level of our emotional wellbeing.
• 0:47
  Erin Gray: I empower entrepreneurs to feel confident with their money and in their business so that they can have fun now and in the future.
• 0:54
  Erin Gray: On this podcast, we will explore all things money, business and self-development, including human design.
• 1:00
  Erin Gray: I hope you enjoy the journey where I share everything that I know and am continuing to learn along the way, as I honor my heart's desires while inspiring and encouraging you to do the same.
• 1:10
  Erin Gray: Hey there, erin, here.
• 1:13
  Erin Gray: I have a quick favor to ask, as a listener of the show, if you find value in the content.
• 1:18
  Erin Gray: I would really appreciate it if you could leave a review on Apple or Spotify.
• 1:22
  Erin Gray: It doesn't have to be long.
• 1:24
  Erin Gray: Just a few words can make a big difference.
• 1:26
  Erin Gray: I really appreciate your support and for tuning in every week on the podcast.
• 1:32
  Erin Gray: Today I switched it up a bit.
• 1:33
  Erin Gray: There are so many different podcasts that I am a guest on and I share my knowledge with the podcast hosts and their listeners.
• 1:41
  Erin Gray: And then I had the thought wait a second, my listeners aren't getting all of this goodness.
• 1:47
  Erin Gray: So on today's episode, I'm actually the guest on Heart to Heart Parents podcast, where Carrie and I dive into navigating spending money on ourselves, the guilt that a lot of us moms actually feel when we do spend money on ourselves, spending money on things that we value, versus what society has told us we should spend our money on, as well as how to navigate parenting when your kid or kids love to hang on to things and you're ready to let go of them, and so much more.
• 2:17
  Erin Gray: I hope that you're able to take away a few actionable steps that you can start implementing to change your relationship with money.
• 2:24
  Erin Gray: So let's dive into today's episode.
• 2:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm Carrie.
• 2:27
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm here with Heart to Heart Podcast and I have Erin here, and I met Erin recently on Instagram.
• 2:35
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We connected and she's been such a wonderful person to follow.
• 2:39
  Carrie Lingenfelter: My husband is now following her as well and listening to all of her podcasts on money management and the 5D of money.
• 2:47
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And Erin, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
• 2:52
  Erin Gray: Yeah, sure, thanks.
• 2:52
  Erin Gray: First of all, thanks for having me.
• 2:54
  Erin Gray: I love talking and just yeah, just it's like two friends over tea or coffee or seltzer water, however you want to say it.
• 3:01
  Erin Gray: So the short version is finance, my background financial planning is my background.
• 3:08
  Erin Gray: Um helped run my family's construction business for 10 plus years and got I love it.
• 3:15
  Erin Gray: It gave me so much, so much um expertise or just you know, so many valuable skills.
• 3:23
  Erin Gray: And also I got to a point where I was like I want to travel and buying this business and staying in Texas is not going to allow me to travel.
• 3:32
  Erin Gray: So I got up the courage over years to quit and to start coaching.
• 3:38
  Erin Gray: And I got into coaching and started coaching people and then I what I realized is I really wanted some time off, like I had never taken any time off, like to the point of scheduling my only child's birth around payroll, which is crazy that I say that now, um, but I did, cause I was the only one that I thought that you know, my dad could have done it, but it was almost.
• 3:58
  Erin Gray: you know that whole stories that we tell ourselves, right, like nobody else can do it, all that kind of stuff, and so I took some time off.
• 4:03
  Erin Gray: So I'm coming back on the heels.
• 4:05
  Erin Gray: Coming back off of the heels of taking the last couple of years off and traveling and spending time with family, and now getting back into coaching and helping entrepreneurs change their relationship with money.
• 4:16
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Amazing.
• 4:17
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I love it and I can't even imagine the energy of scheduling your birth around a certain timeline.
• 4:25
  Erin Gray: It was intense.
• 4:26
  Erin Gray: You know, like you think about, like I.
• 4:29
  Erin Gray: I really talk about self-compassion and love for ourselves, and Erin back then was just doing the best that she could.
• 4:35
  Erin Gray: You know she thought that was the only solution you know, and she was just trying to make it easier on herself that she could have six days of leeway to not sit in a chair before you know.
• 4:46
  Erin Gray: So, looking back, um, and yeah, and the stress that I put myself under, you know, yeah, so much love to, to the younger part of me.
• 4:56
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yes, yep, yep, you got to give her some love and some healing.
• 4:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I have been listening in and tuning in and really enjoying your podcast and your Instagram and it's just been kind of a healing for myself as well.
• 5:12
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We were recently, you and I were talking about the guilt of spending as a mom, and the other day I think it was yesterday I sent in an order for some clothing that I needed for myself and I tried to just picture the money going toward the vendor that I was purchasing from and I also tried to just feel myself, release that guilt, because spending on myself is definitely something that I don't do and I just feel this heaviness in my stomach from it.
• 5:41
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So it's been kind of interesting in my stomach from it.
• 5:47
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So it's been, it's been kind of interesting.
• 5:48
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So what, what would you say to moms and dads in this same kind of feeling?
• 5:51
  Erin Gray: First of all, you're not alone.
• 5:52
  Erin Gray: There's a lot of people that feel guilt and I think you know, with your podcast and just talking more vulnerably about, you know, our relationship with money, like a lot of us feel that way Right and also, in order to kind of transcend that, like we do have to feel it Right.
• 6:10
  Erin Gray: Like I think for a lot of us we're like, oh, I shouldn't feel this way, or oh, and we and we suppress it.
• 6:16
  Erin Gray: But, like you're saying, like, okay, before I push this send button or this purchase button, like I'm going to feel this wave of guilt wash over me, Right, it's easier said than done.
• 6:26
  Erin Gray: It is a practice, it is a skill, but it is one of those things that like releasing, because I think, you know, in the self-development world we talk a lot about like oh well, like higher vibrations, and think positively, but we can't think positively when we have a lot of suppressed and repressed emotions within us and so it's like feeling, feeling that what needs to be felt.
• 6:46
  Erin Gray: Like why do you feel the guilt?
• 6:48
  Erin Gray: And I've what I realized is a lot of times it comes back to like I don't feel worthy or I don't feel deserving, Right, Like that's a lot of what I've had to work through, of like, no, I am deserving of having nice clothes that fit my body and that feel good.
• 7:03
  Erin Gray: You know, yeah, and and I think it's also a lot of conditioning, right, Like mom guilt.
• 7:09
  Erin Gray: I don't know how many dads feel this way, but like mom guilt is a social construct.
• 7:13
  Erin Gray: Like, why, why are we feeling guilt for asking for what we want, for spending time by ourselves?
• 7:21
  Erin Gray: For, you know it's, it's this, almost this award that like who who has been the guiltiest and struggled the most award?
• 7:29
  Erin Gray: You know, like versus versus no, I love my kids and I love my time by myself and by honoring, and you know, like, your children get to see that mom buys them, buys herself clothes, and then your daughter and son will replicate that for themselves.
• 7:49
  Erin Gray: Right, Like we are being the example for our children, Right?
• 7:52
  Erin Gray: So, so I think it's, you know, it's first and foremost is like the awareness, like even noticing that you have guilt.
• 8:00
  Erin Gray: Right, Like celebrating that and then also feeling it and then also then at that point, then by you know, passing through there and being like, okay, now, what do I want to feel when I purchase things for myself?
• 8:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, that's wonderful, it's so, it's.
• 8:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It makes so much sense and it it it did bring me some light to the heaviness that I did feel.
• 8:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And I I agree with you, it's, it's a process.
• 8:22
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's not something that happens overnight.
• 8:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And I agree with you, it's a process.
• 8:25
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's not something that happens overnight.
• 8:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We have a lot of conditioning.
• 8:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I, as a younger child, was raised by a single mom, so there was that piece of the puzzle of I remember my mom saying a lot we can't afford it right now.
• 8:35
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And I started to say that to my kids recently.
• 8:38
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Like okay, we kind of want to.
• 8:39
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We have way too many toys in our basement, so I'm going to tell them we can't afford it when really we can and what are some other versions of what I can tell my kids until myself.
• 8:53
  Erin Gray: During those moments, yeah, I think one of the things is tuning in when you say you can't afford it, like really getting clear and feeling.
• 8:58
  Erin Gray: What does that feel like in your body?
• 9:00
  Erin Gray: And for me, can't afford is like this contraction like oh, like, oh, like your mom, right, like I think our generation, right Like our parents told us they can't afford it.
• 9:12
  Erin Gray: We can afford it, but we're choosing not to purchase it at this moment.
• 9:16
  Erin Gray: Right, like it's not maybe in alignment with our values.
• 9:19
  Erin Gray: Or we have, you know, mom and dad feel like we've got plenty of toys.
• 9:22
  Erin Gray: In this moment, we're want to choose to use our money in different ways and what we value.
• 9:26
  Erin Gray: But, like I have found that that word of choice right, like you could buy more toys if you wanted to.
• 9:33
  Erin Gray: You could not pay the.
• 9:34
  Erin Gray: You know you could pay not pay lots of bills, or you could not pay to savings.
• 9:38
  Erin Gray: Or you know there's so many different ways that we could, we could use our money.
• 9:42
  Erin Gray: And so, instead of saying I can't afford it, saying it's not, you know, purchasing that in this moment isn't in alignment with what mom and dad are, are using our funds for, or you know, or how, and and the other thing too, I think I mean depending on what age the kids are, but like empowering our children, like how do you want to?
• 10:01
  Erin Gray: Like that's not an alignment, like what I've started doing with our daughter no-transcript, and we are the parents, are the ones that put all the stories on it.
• 10:16
  Erin Gray: You know, like when I say that to my kids, she just thinks of all of the ideas to just go generate money, you know, and so it's fun for her.
• 10:22
  Erin Gray: She's like, oh, I can do this and I can do this and I can do this.
• 10:24
  Erin Gray: And so I think a lot of times we think, at least I did, for sure, I thought I had to be the only person.
• 10:29
  Erin Gray: What's in alignment with our values?
• 10:31
  Erin Gray: and what's not, and what isn't, then how else can they receive that?
• 10:45
  Erin Gray: So we aren't like the only ones that feels like that felt heavy to me, of feeling like I was the only one that was like I have to, you know, provide all the things that she wants, kind of thing.
• 10:55
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I love that.
• 10:55
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I love empowering them and also giving them the idea of you are in charge of your own money, like you can bring it in yourself, you can find these, these alternatives, and that's really cool.
• 11:10
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm going to think about that for my nine-year-old Cause.
• 11:12
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think he could definitely come up with his own versions of things.
• 11:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I love that.
• 11:16
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's a huge piece of it.
• 11:19
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We also in our family we call it wanty, I'm feeling wanty.
• 11:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And recently my daughter and I were in a store and she started to kind of sometimes we'll take a picture if we don't want to buy something right then.
• 11:32
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I'm like we'll take a picture, we can put it on your birthday list.
• 11:34
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We're not going to get it right now, we don't need this right now and it's nice because they can release that energy and it's really it's been helpful for us.
• 11:42
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then my daughter the other day I've said are you feeling wanty?
• 11:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: You're getting kind of wanty.
• 11:47
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But the other day she just had this self-awareness of like mom, I need to leave the store now I'm feeling wanty.
• 11:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And my mom was like, oh my gosh, that was really cool I love how she did that herself, so it was really fun.
• 12:01
  Erin Gray: I think I think that's great.
• 12:02
  Erin Gray: Like I always say, like we, we can learn to build an anticipation muscle right, like anticipation is an amazing feeling to have.
• 12:10
  Erin Gray: Like do you think about something that we want or our children want?
• 12:15
  Erin Gray: Right, coming from that place of like Ooh, what is it going to?
• 12:18
  Erin Gray: Like, how am I going to get to enjoy it?
• 12:20
  Erin Gray: And like, so she gets to go to the store and she gets to imagine it.
• 12:22
  Erin Gray: And she gets to like, oh, for her birthday.
• 12:24
  Erin Gray: And she gets to envision and visualize like I think even adults, like we don't have we're such an a instant gratification world we live in like I want it, I want it now.
• 12:34
  Erin Gray: Like Amazon, I mean, my husband was saying the other day he was like what, when did we live before Amazon?
• 12:40
  Erin Gray: You know it's just literally a click right and it shows up at your door.
• 12:44
  Erin Gray: And so, really developing that muscle of do I want it and you and I didn't talk before about this but like, with human design and what I've learned with human design of like half of us are what's called like how we make decisions, are we need to ride our emotional wave.
• 13:00
  Erin Gray: Like we are not fast decision makers, so half of the population actually needs to kind of sit with that decision for a bit you know Interesting.
• 13:10
  Erin Gray: And so really like in that moment we think we want it, but what actually are we want?
• 13:17
  Erin Gray: Like there's a feeling that we want from that thing that, versus sometimes it could just be the thing that we want, but sometimes, a lot of times, it's like a feeling that we're wanting and so like putting the pause on, like okay, do I still want it in a week from now?
• 13:30
  Erin Gray: And the answer might be yes, right.
• 13:32
  Erin Gray: And then we go back to the store and we get it, and sometimes it's like it was just kind of in the heat of the moment.
• 13:36
  Erin Gray: You know, I saw it, I thought I wanted it, but not really that stoked about it anymore.
• 13:42
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yes, I love that.
• 13:43
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's been.
• 13:44
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's been a healthy, healthy wave of trying to learn that for our kids and my five-year-old I was very excited when she used it.
• 13:51
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So, yeah, it's been good.
• 13:53
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So there is a piece of my puzzle that I love to do with the crunchy mama and I kind of make jokes about just being perfect and this, this perfect person, this perfect version that we try to live up to as crunchy mamas or mindful mamas, and part of it is the healthy eating and those pieces of the puzzle that come into play.
• 14:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But we're a gluten-free and dairy-free family.
• 14:19
  Carrie Lingenfelter: My, my husband has celiac, so eating mindfully and eating healthy has been a huge piece for us.
• 14:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's definitely taken a little hit on our pocket books, but is there any mindsets or any tips that you would share with us or have any ideas in this piece?
• 14:42
  Erin Gray: I think kind of like what we talked about offline, right, like how we want to use our money, like that was one of the things I really had to find my own way of like, because you know the financial industry and I love them I came from them right, like our financial advisors and CPAs and things of that sort like we've kind of grown up thinking like there's this one way to use our money and I really want to encourage everybody to go back to like what do you value, right, like you and I talked about before, like we both value eating healthfully, right, and that might look like more than maybe the average, right.
• 15:18
  Erin Gray: Like and here we go back to like comparing ourselves, right, but like that might look more than what the average American spends on food.
• 15:26
  Erin Gray: But that is something that is really important to me and so not judging yourself, you know, like what is it that you value?
• 15:34
  Erin Gray: And if it is food, I like to focus I don't necessarily like to focus on minimizing our expenses, you know.
• 15:43
  Erin Gray: And also like there are ways that you can kind of be savvy with.
• 15:48
  Erin Gray: You know, like there's certain stores that I buy the like Trader Joe's is way less expensive than a different store that I go to and so just knowing where do I want to buy my food, and farmer's markets and things of that sort, and I think it's just kind of like what is important, what do you value, and then using your money in ways that honor that and allow for that.
• 16:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, and I love that.
• 16:16
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's definitely I feel like I'm a recovering overthinker about it is trying to change that mindset of limiting ourselves and focusing that.
• 16:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Is that touching on the 3d 5d piece of money that you also?
• 16:32
  Erin Gray: Probably the 5d, right Like the emotional side of money, Like when I say the 3d.
• 16:36
  Carrie Lingenfelter: and this is just a word that I decided to make up because I was like I'm going kind of use 3d of like okay, your taxes when you sit down or you look at your investment accounts or you know your saving account.
• 17:03
  Erin Gray: But the five D is like emotionally, like how do we feel when we transact and circulate money?
• 17:09
  Erin Gray: Right, and so that's something else that changes.
• 17:12
  Erin Gray: Like circulating right, like it's coming back to me, I'm just, I'm just circulating it.
• 17:17
  Erin Gray: Versus like money comes in, money goes out, like that's kind of what we're taught, right, like we have income and expenses, versus like money's just constantly circulating all throughout and um, so it's really like the emotions right.
• 17:29
  Erin Gray: Like why are we limiting ourselves for really good food?
• 17:32
  Erin Gray: Like we feel better when we eat, well, at least I do, right, Like we, we, our bodies love it.
• 17:39
  Erin Gray: And I mean, one could even I don't want to say argue, but use the an example like there are people that spend the amount of money we spend on pharmaceuticals, right, and so like are you taking care of your body?
• 17:55
  Erin Gray: We have one body, it's our only home we will ever have.
• 17:59
  Erin Gray: Like why aren't we valuing that?
• 18:01
  Erin Gray: Like at the very top of the list, you know.
• 18:04
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, I agree that it's also a piece.
• 18:07
  Carrie Lingenfelter: There's like a cycle with it, with the healthy eating and the healthy mindfulness, as as we spend in certain pieces in the food area, we have to spend less in some of the medicine, or the medicine side of it is kind of what my family has found.
• 18:22
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's been this trade off in a powerful, positive way, so that's been really good.
• 18:27
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I wore to green today for you.
• 18:30
  Carrie Lingenfelter: As I was picking out my clothing, my eye was drawn toward green and I was thinking heart, chakra, love.
• 18:38
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then I thought, well, I guess it's the color of money too.
• 18:41
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I love it.
• 18:43
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I wanted to share that with you.
• 18:45
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But yeah, so I'm trying to focus on the heart piece of the green more than the physical money piece of the green.
• 18:55
  Erin Gray: But that's really what it is right, like when we really like kind of strip it down, like for a lot of us, why do we hoard our money?
• 19:02
  Erin Gray: Why do we, you know, overspend there's?
• 19:05
  Erin Gray: There's this place of the coming from, like it comes from that love.
• 19:08
  Erin Gray: Right, it comes from from, you know, either wanting to be connected to someone or, you know, just it.
• 19:19
  Erin Gray: It it is really.
• 19:20
  Erin Gray: I think it is an extension of our, of our hearts, you know.
• 19:21
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, definitely.
• 19:22
  Carrie Lingenfelter: My grandmother, um, was a very spiritual person.
• 19:25
  Carrie Lingenfelter: She was from Argentina and she used to always quote, I think it was from Fiddler on the Roof, but she used to always say it's like Barbara Streisand, it comes in.
• 19:34
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Or money is like manure, it's meant to be spread around and it comes back to you.
• 19:39
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So that was something really fun that I always think of, and we my husband and I have been trying more recently to donate and spread it around and feel that coming back toward us.
• 19:51
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I love that mindset and that piece of it.
• 19:54
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then also, what did?
• 19:56
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What does it look like for you guys, as you guys have become more mindful in wanting to travel and having less materials in your house, what has that look like in your life?
• 20:10
  Erin Gray: Well, when you said crunchy mom, I'm like just because we're crunchy moms doesn't mean that our children, as they get older, love the fact that we're crunchy moms, like my kid totally riffs on me a lot about.
• 20:22
  Erin Gray: She tells me I don't know all the terms, you might have to school me on this like a crunchy mom, a granola mom, a salad mom, like I don't know.
• 20:30
  Erin Gray: This is all.
• 20:31
  Erin Gray: This is all I'm learning.
• 20:32
  Erin Gray: Um, I would consider myself more of a minimalist.
• 20:37
  Erin Gray: My child is definitely not, and so you talk a lot about this.
• 20:41
  Erin Gray: You know, um, through you know your Instagram of like, allowing your children to be who they are and sometimes, when our children aren't necessarily kind of model who we are, right Like.
• 20:53
  Erin Gray: She probably has way more clothes than I do, um, but I don't value.
• 20:57
  Erin Gray: I don't value having a huge wardrobe.
• 21:00
  Erin Gray: That's just my belief, though, and allowing her to have her own Um, so, yeah, we've, we've pared down, we, we, basically, I don't even know if we sold much.
• 21:10
  Erin Gray: We really just gave away everything that we had in Texas when we moved to Maui, and, um, you know, we're slowly kind of bringing things back, Um, but one thing I do think that it makes you very aware of is how quickly it is to get something, and how it's a little bit I don't want to say harder or difficult, but it takes a little bit more effort to get rid of something Like I mean, we had really nice furniture and you would think that they would be coming out in droves to have it, you know, and no one.
• 21:40
  Erin Gray: I mean Tempur-Pedic mattresses and like lovely, you know beautiful couches, and it was.
• 21:46
  Erin Gray: It sat in the storage unit for like almost a year until we just said, you know what we're, just from an energetic standpoint, we're just going to let it go Like, you know, nobody's, really nobody's asked for it, so we'll just give it away.
• 21:59
  Erin Gray: And so I do that process for us, really, at least for my husband.
• 22:06
  Erin Gray: He's like, wow, it's really easy to get something.
• 22:08
  Erin Gray: That has changed his spending of like what do I value, what do I want, and we've always kind of been big on travel and experiences over things, um, but I think it's easy to just accumulate, right, Like you've got Amazon, you have grandparents that want to give all the time, like any time, right, there's.
• 22:26
  Erin Gray: There's never a shortage of reasons to get something for your child.
• 22:30
  Erin Gray: And so I just had to start saying like if, if one thing is going to come in, like one or two are going out, because it was almost in her playroom, was just this explosion is what I would call it, you know.
• 22:45
  Erin Gray: And and for me, you know like, and for all of us right, like it takes so much to process, like our brains to process.
• 22:52
  Erin Gray: Every time I walked in her playroom I just was overwhelmed because there was just so much stuff.
• 22:57
  Erin Gray: And so we just started having conversations like are you real, are you ready or willing to let this go, to let another little girl play with this and maybe at some point let something else come in, you know?
• 23:08
  Erin Gray: And so it kind of shifted more to like one thing coming in and five things going out, kind of thing, because we just had so much, you know but and and also not forcing her, like when she wasn't ready to let go of certain things.
• 23:21
  Erin Gray: I didn't force it Because I do think that that can create some, you know, like just how we grew up with, like I can't afford it, you know.
• 23:28
  Erin Gray: Then there are things that our children grow up.
• 23:30
  Erin Gray: It's like my mom made me give away all the things.
• 23:32
  Erin Gray: You know so, and you can't like prevent everything, but like just being aware of, like okay, what would you like to let go of?
• 23:39
  Erin Gray: Like we haven't played with this in six months, are you ready to let go?
• 23:43
  Erin Gray: And so I think it's really helped to see, like what do we want to spend our money on and what do we value and what um, what do we enjoy?
• 23:53
  Erin Gray: And and sometimes it's like you said when your daughter you were talking about your daughter with going to the store.
• 23:58
  Erin Gray: It's like sometimes we just purchase something because it was in the moment, it wasn't really something we really wanted and now we have it Right.
• 24:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah.
• 24:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I like that you touched on not making them give things away just when, looking for when they're ready, when their body feels ready to give it away.
• 24:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That sometimes I have to do, like the choice of three.
• 24:18
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Like, okay, we really need to make room.
• 24:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Christmas is coming up, your birthday is coming up.
• 24:23
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Can you try to choose one of these three?
• 24:25
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Which one's the least meaningful to you?
• 24:27
  Carrie Lingenfelter: My kids are definitely on the hoarder side.
• 24:30
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I don't know if it's all children.
• 24:32
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I don't understand that feeling of needing to hold on to everything, even their tiny little artwork pieces that come home from school.
• 24:42
  Erin Gray: It's like I need all of these mom and I think it also helps, like depending on what age they are, but like getting curious, like what does this?
• 24:54
  Erin Gray: What do you love about this?
• 24:55
  Erin Gray: Like understanding, you know.
• 24:57
  Erin Gray: I think sometimes as parents, we're like we just want the thing done versus you know, what is it that?
• 25:04
  Erin Gray: What they're getting a feeling from it, right, like maybe it's safety, maybe it reminds them of grandma because she gave it to them.
• 25:10
  Erin Gray: You know, there's, there's, there's.
• 25:12
  Erin Gray: And so being curious about that and understanding, like where is that coming from, so that we can understand and support them a little bit better.
• 25:21
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, that's really helpful to think about because it is.
• 25:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It has been a hard time to get away things and maybe it gets older as they get or easier as they get older.
• 25:30
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm kind of hoping for that piece as well, as we kind of understand, but, yeah, definitely having the compassion for them as well.
• 25:37
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Um, one piece I wanted to ask you about.
• 25:39
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I I've just started to get into understanding my human design pieces as well.
• 25:44
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Have you noticed that it helps you with your kids?
• 25:47
  Erin Gray: Oh, incredible, like if I could like share it with everybody, like that had helped me understand her so much better and have so much more compassion and parent her in a way that was supportive to her, versus you know, I kind of I'm 43.
• 26:04
  Erin Gray: Like I kind of brought, was brought up with, like mom said, do it and you do it Right.
• 26:08
  Erin Gray: And so really like you're talking about right Like teaching parents, helping parents, supporting parents, really understand their children, and like the way that her energy moves and the way that she makes decisions and you know, just all of all of that really helped me parent her so much better and have so much more compassion for her and myself and just like all three of us together.
• 26:35
  Erin Gray: Just all of that.
• 26:36
  Erin Gray: And and also understanding mine, right Like sometimes we are at an energetic mismatch, right Like she is what they call in human design like a manifesting generator and the energy that she has is it doesn't stop Right, and I like a little bit more of some quiet time and some rest.
• 26:55
  Erin Gray: And I think here we go back to mom guilt.
• 26:57
  Erin Gray: I had some guilt around.
• 26:59
  Erin Gray: Oh well, I don't want to play with her right now because I want to rest, versus like no, that's what nourishes me and that because I rest, then I am able to play with her.
• 27:10
  Erin Gray: And so honoring, honoring kind of where we are in our cycles, you know, and, and, and our energy and, yeah, supporting hers has been huge.
• 27:21
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Okay, that's really interesting.
• 27:22
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I really want to go look at what my children are right now.
• 27:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm very excited to try this out.
• 27:27
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I looked at myself and I am a generator.
• 27:30
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I don't know my numbers I can't remember them, but I think you had said you were a generator as well.
• 27:35
  Erin Gray: So interesting, okay, and and understanding, like I mean as the generator, moms, like you know, we respond through our sacral and so I always tell the story about like I was always a no for playing Barbies with her, but I would make myself because that's what air quotes for you guys is a good mom does but I would literally fall asleep.
• 27:54
  Erin Gray: And it makes so much sense now because I didn't have the energy for it.
• 27:57
  Erin Gray: I didn't.
• 27:57
  Erin Gray: It wasn't a full sacral, yes, right, but if we wanted to surf together or ride bikes or, you know, paint, all I had the energy for days, right.
• 28:06
  Erin Gray: All I had the energy for days, right.
• 28:11
  Erin Gray: And so really just understanding mom and dad's energy and how we are meant to move through the world and then also our children, so that we can support ourselves and we can support our children.
• 28:16
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think it's huge.
• 28:17
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, I love that.
• 28:19
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Okay, I am definitely going to go look those up.
• 28:21
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I know I feel like human design.
• 28:23
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Design is like booming right now.
• 28:25
  Carrie Lingenfelter: For anybody that doesn't understand what it is, it's it.
• 28:28
  Carrie Lingenfelter: You got to check it out.
• 28:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It sounds really cool and I'm starting to learn more, so I'm excited about that.
• 28:32
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And then, aaron, I forgot to ask you um, how can we find you?
• 28:37
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What do we?
• 28:38
  Erin Gray: You can go to my website at generate a life well lived.
• 28:43
  Erin Gray: I'm like where can you find me?
• 28:43
  Erin Gray: Generate a life well lived?
• 28:45
  Erin Gray: Um, my podcast is Generate a Life Alive and I also have it on YouTube and then on Instagram.
• 28:52
  Erin Gray: I'm at the Erin Gray.
• 28:54
  Erin Gray: I'm kind of there sparingly sometimes, but yeah.
• 28:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Well, we enjoy you when you're there.
• 29:00
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's very fun to connect with you there and I love listening to your podcast.
• 29:04
  Carrie Lingenfelter: My husband I'm like go spread that around at work, Cause it is.
• 29:09
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's been so amazing for our family and it's definitely changing the mindset of how we approach money and, yeah, we're definitely recovering hoarders over in our house, so it's been really wonderful.
• 29:23
  Carrie Lingenfelter: You are almost like at the level of a marriage therapist, Erin.
• 29:28
  Erin Gray: It's really funny.
• 29:29
  Erin Gray: You say that, because when people are like what do you do?
• 29:31
  Erin Gray: And then I tell them they're like, so, you're like a therapist, I'm like well, I guess, but I mean really it is money is such an emotional thing for people Right.
• 29:40
  Erin Gray: And so and letting it like, thinking of it, like in a relationship, being in a relationship, like a loving, nurturing, nourishing relationship.
• 29:48
  Erin Gray: Like how do you want that relationship to be, both on you know you and as well as money, like a giving and receiving.
• 29:55
  Erin Gray: What do you want that to feel like and what do you want that to look like?
• 29:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yes, for sure it's been super helpful.
• 30:01
  Carrie Lingenfelter: And I know in our, in our house, I have learned that I have to have certain times designated to when we talk about it.
• 30:09
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I can't just like I'm washing dishes and we're talking about why did you spend on this, or something comes up or that's not the time it's energetically.
• 30:18
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I have to sit down, talk about it, close the door and then go binge watch something afterwards to regenerate my energy.
• 30:27
  Erin Gray: Yeah, and here we go back to human design.
• 30:29
  Erin Gray: What I've really is like oh my goodness, the.
• 30:32
  Erin Gray: Some of us have that emotional right, we're defined, and what I've noticed is the, the people that are emotionally defined, and those that aren't.
• 30:42
  Erin Gray: We sometimes, because we have lots of thoughts and feelings around our the money it's like it's almost too intense for our spouse, right.
• 30:50
  Erin Gray: And so being really like like on the on the receiving end cause my husband is the one that I do the money and he and he's I think what you're saying is your husband does the money and you guys have a conversation, right and so having so much compassion for our spouses that don't do the money, because for the person that already has that money story around not enough and all of that, it can be really intense for our spouse.
• 31:15
  Erin Gray: That's like hey, whoa, wait a second, you know, like just went and bought groceries, you know.
• 31:20
  Erin Gray: And so having lots of compassion for our spouses that don't do the money and are doing the best that they can, and showing up and you know?
• 31:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, well, bless you on that note, erin.
• 31:35
  Erin Gray: I'm going to have him listen to this episode as well.
• 31:41
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So, carrie's husband, be really kind and thoughtful and considerate to Carrie, please, because she's doing the best that she can.
• 31:44
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yes, yes, he definitely is.
• 31:45
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, he's been very respectful and mindful and that's been helpful.
• 31:48
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So, yeah, for sure.
• 31:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Well, it's been so much fun chatting with you, erin.
• 31:52
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think I could chat with you about so many different subject areas parenting, being a mom, it's just and you have so many areas that you cover in your podcast.
• 32:01
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's really kind of fun because you have a lot of different areas.
• 32:06
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's been great.
• 32:07
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Thank you so much for being on here.
• 32:09
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Thanks for having me.
• 32:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, have a blessed day.
• 32:14
  Erin Gray: You too.