Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season Two, Episode Two - Yes, Mommy

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Season Two, Episode Two - Yes, Mommy · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

0:00
Greeting scum, and welcome to Flail of the Face.
0:02
My name is Kevin. I'm going to be the GM and
0:04
actually I am changing that up right now.
0:06
I will now be referred to as the Holmeister and I'm here with,
0:10
well, I'm here with these inmates.
0:12
Greetings, I'm Thomas and I am playing Dalton Walls.
0:17
What is up hole enterers? My name is Tom Bago on the
0:22
discord and I am playing Colette Stellano.
0:26
I'm Mr. Peschke and I'm I'm playing Donnie, who is here to
0:31
save you all, to save you all from what will come after what
0:35
is here and now. Kevin, I noticed you flinched
0:38
when I said hole enterer. Should I change it to Gabers?
0:42
Flail. All right, so last episode we
1:13
were introduced to this trash prison planet and the trash
1:17
prisoners that are in it. Hi.
1:19
Hi. Hello.
1:20
They were out working in the diaper swamps looking for a
1:25
cubic zirconia earring that was left there from one of the
1:29
princesses. Not left there.
1:30
Lost there when after they were approached by their other crew
1:35
member, Paul, to grab a drink after the shift was done.
1:38
Turns out this bar bar was kind of a Speakeasy sort of thing in
1:42
the back of the church and Munch, which is like the
1:44
cafeteria slash religious sect slash fast food.
1:49
It's a complex back story. We'll get into it soon.
1:52
They get down to the Speakeasy called the Wet Knuckle.
1:54
They met up with the bartender Jack Hoff, and they proceed to
1:57
drink gasoline with maraschino cherries in it until they pass
2:02
out and are possibly colorblind. After they pass out they were
2:06
thrown down a chute into what appears to be some sort of of
2:10
saw as escape room sort of thing.
2:13
They got down there, the first room, the roof was coming down
2:16
with a bunch of spikes coming through it.
2:18
They got through, they met up with the short order grill cook
2:21
stuck past them, came up on some loot, end up making a bunch of
2:24
noise and the grill cook was there to greet them at the door.
2:28
They dispatched with them and we are left in the doorway with a
2:32
dying grill cook and three prisoners, one of them looking
2:35
very famished. I'm going to just get out my
2:41
sales bearer boy knife here I. Think this is like you to turn
2:45
around and cover our ears? Oh, I think he's done now.
2:59
There's plenty more if y'all want.
3:00
Some no, no thank you. Good, good.
3:04
My my Salisbury boy not supports gravy.
3:08
There's there's plenty of gravy. Oh, God, Professor, I died.
3:14
I don't know about you, but I think we should get going.
3:17
Yes, yes, yes. That's horrific.
3:21
Yeah. Oh God, it's like watching my
3:24
grandpa drink soup. RIP off part of the shorter
3:28
order. Cooks shirt and wipes off face.
3:31
You know, because you got to keep up appearances.
3:33
I get that. I may have been raised by
3:35
wolves, but. You're not an animal, okay?
3:40
Not an animal. All right, so you're back in the
3:44
room where the short order cook was.
3:46
There is a door to the right that led to the hallway that
3:49
leads to the other room where the roof was coming down.
3:52
So you can't really go that way. You have a door behind you where
3:55
you guys found the ice skate duct tape to the Golf Club.
3:58
And then you have it is an Axe and not the body spray.
4:02
And then you have a hallway ahead of you that jogs to the
4:05
right. So logic stands to reason that's
4:09
the only way out. Very astute.
4:11
Why don't you go check it out? And and run into the patrons
4:17
that this guy's cooking for. I don't think so.
4:20
We could take his outfit and wear it, pretend to be him.
4:25
You know what? That's not a bad idea.
4:27
Is it going to fit you? Because not me.
4:30
Well. Since you are dressed so
4:32
fancily, why don't you be the Maidra D?
4:35
And I'll just start walking down the hallway.
4:38
Good. OK, you walk down the hallway
4:40
roughly about 2025 feet. AT jogs to the right and it
4:43
leads to a smaller hallway where there's a closed door.
4:47
Well, Entrevu. And I'll go to push it open.
4:52
May I see, Monsieur? The door opens towards you.
4:55
So it's a pull God. Damn, and since you've opened
5:00
door, go and roll me a D10. 3. Okay, now roll me a D6. 5.
5:08
Fantastic in this room, you see. I mean as I'm holding the door
5:13
open, lady. 1st I identify as a day, then.
5:20
Close enough. I hug the wall.
5:23
I'm just like hugging the opposite side of the wall so I'm
5:25
not even looking into the room. In the room you see 3 desks and
5:31
there's three people sitting behind the desks.
5:35
Oh fuck. Large computer monitors,
5:37
calculators off to the side with the paper coming off like just
5:41
for a huge pile at the end. The desk are in the middle, kind
5:45
of in a triangular formation, and you notice that not only is
5:49
there a bunch of files and paperwork just scattered about
5:54
on the desk itself, you notice that there are limbs and body
5:58
parts that have these massive chew marks through it.
6:01
As you look further, you see one of the people sitting at the
6:04
desk clicking away at the Calculator 10 keying like a
6:07
madman with a thigh in their other hand, just gnawing on it
6:11
as they're clicking through. Is it raw?
6:14
It is raw. Is it dead?
6:17
It is dead. Lady is disgusting.
6:21
Who eats dead flesh? Honestly, slow turn and look at
6:27
Donnie. Yeah, I just.
6:30
Mirror Daltons. We're, we're going to circle
6:34
back on that and like, I'm going to walk in, I'm going to see, is
6:38
there like a clipboard somewhere?
6:40
Yes, you'll notice that on the wall where the the doors that
6:43
you walked in, there's rows of clipboards kind of hooked to the
6:46
wall. Perfect.
6:47
I grab one of the clipboards and then start walking to the center
6:49
of the room where those things are working.
6:51
OK, they look like as they're clicking away at the calculator,
6:54
the receipt paper just piling up like it never ending.
6:57
Just a huge stream of paper chewing on random bits of flesh.
7:01
You see that with all the files all spread across the desk and
7:04
everything. They don't really seem to pay.
7:06
They're marrying Gross in their work.
7:09
I'm going to, like, circle around them and like, kind of
7:11
look over their shoulder a bit while shielding this clipboard,
7:15
like, yeah, and pretend like I'm checking stuff off.
7:20
OK, I just look at one of the clipboards and just like.
7:23
Read it. It's in a language that you
7:25
don't understand. Unfortunately, it basically just
7:28
looks like scribbles with numbers.
7:30
There's there's really no information to be gleaned off of
7:33
it. Oh well, this is great.
7:35
And then I'm just going to slowly just walk around and try
7:40
to make as little noise as possible, OK?
7:43
And you said there was a door on the opposite side of them.
7:45
No, there's a door to the left and a door to the right that you
7:49
can see from just walking in this room.
7:51
I'm going to just silently point to Dalton to the left door and
7:55
like, shrug my shoulders. I I'm going to sit down
7:58
gentlemen here. I'm.
8:00
Here for your inspection I got to say food in the workplace
8:04
already you are not looking. Great.
8:07
What, what, what, what are you talking about?
8:09
We we got, we got permission from from the uppers that we can
8:13
have our food, we can eat our lunch at our desk as long as we
8:15
don't leave. Sorry to break the news to you,
8:18
but corporate already handed down a new mandate.
8:21
You must not have gotten the memo.
8:23
No, no food in the. Workplace.
8:26
I'm sorry. And then I follow up.
8:29
Yeah, gentlemen, I'm going to have to also ring in here.
8:33
This food does not meet hygiene standards.
8:36
I mean, you have open, there's no refrigerator anywhere near
8:40
here. You're creating an efficiency
8:42
issue. Who sent you guys the corporate?
8:46
No, we would. We would have gotten some sort
8:49
of notification that corporate was coming.
8:50
Here this is a surprise inspection.
8:53
There's no surprises on hold. We were sitting here by higher
8:56
power than you understand, fool. Now take your disgusting piles
9:02
of of leavings to the break room where they belong.
9:07
Break room. This used to be the breaker.
9:09
They shove this in here. Then you find another room to
9:11
shove me into and. You'll see, as they're kind of
9:14
confused on what's going on, that once they stand up, you can
9:17
see that all three of them are chained together around the
9:21
outside of the desks. Oh, so like they're but they're
9:25
only attached to themselves and not to their desks?
9:27
They're not attached to the desk, they're attached to
9:29
themselves. Lift those chains above you like
9:32
I know you can over the desk and then grab the bottom parts and
9:36
go down the hallway. Because if, if, if I could give
9:40
you a hint, there is much fresher meat down that hallway.
9:45
It is delicious, Spotify. Yeah, what do you mean?
9:48
Corporate, corporate delivered it.
9:50
They said it's a, it's a Nancy's pot.
9:53
It's where it's her birthday today.
9:54
So they got something for the office and they just dropped it
9:57
off fresh hot. It's like a pizza party.
10:00
All three of you make a mouth test to see if any of them.
10:05
Even start my mouths out of one. OK, here we go.
10:08
I got A7. That's a 616.
10:14
The three of them look at you, Colette and Dalton, and they
10:18
don't believe you. Oh.
10:19
Shit. Well, then, then I'm going to
10:22
need you to go ahead and sign on this report here.
10:26
And then I'm going to just jam the clipboard into his face,
10:29
flat side, like right into his mouth to just like punch a
10:32
dagger style with this clipboard right into his throat and then
10:36
yell. Run.
10:39
All right, meats test. Oh, all of us.
10:42
Just Tom it since he's attacking the clipboard.
10:44
I'm going to use my last ketos OH.
10:47
No. That's a natural 20.
10:51
Fantastic. I wasn't expecting you guys to
10:55
fight my cannibal accountants, but I guess that's just what
10:59
we're going to do today. Go ahead and I'm going to say a
11:03
clipboard. It's going to be.
11:04
D4D4. D4 damage, We'll go with that.
11:09
Times 2, four damage. Tell me how you kill this guy.
11:12
Yeah, it's right there. And I didn't realize that
11:15
basically chained to this desk, they weren't as healthy of an
11:19
individual as I thought. And so, yeah, pushing it
11:22
forward, I just, like, dislocate his jaw and then, like, crush
11:25
his windpipe by, like, forcing this clipboard into it.
11:29
And as he collapses, this. Yeah, I turn run, run, run, run,
11:32
run, run and just bolt toward the closest door to Colette.
11:37
OK. And then I say bon appetit and I
11:42
follow Dalton. Which store were you going
11:44
towards again? Well.
11:45
I pointed to the left. OK.
11:47
Do you gentlemen follow suit or what?
11:49
I think before all of a sudden then we should roll initiative.
11:53
Oh fuck me. All right, I got this D6.
11:58
Yes, Sir. 2. That is them.
12:01
So seeing their fallen friend drop, they are going to make
12:07
morale test. Seeing their fallen friend drop,
12:12
they look at the three of you and they look at their fallen
12:16
comrade that's gurgling and fighting for life as he's
12:20
choking on his blood. And they leap over their desks
12:24
and they start chewing and biting and gnawing on their
12:28
former Co worker. That is much more respectable.
12:33
Yeah, great. Come on, let's go.
12:35
So you go to the door, it is locked.
12:38
Oh shit, oh fuck, I go to the door on the right.
12:42
The door on the right opens to a small hallway, but you'll notice
12:45
that on the other side of that hallway, the other door is
12:48
crinkled and crushed and damaged, as if it was on the
12:52
other side of the room that the roof fell in.
12:56
Oh. So what sort of things are on my
13:00
Salisbury Boy knife? Do I have a lock pick that I can
13:03
flip out? I'm sure you have a toothpick
13:05
that you could use as a lock pick.
13:08
Oh well, what? What do I need to roll to fumble
13:12
my way through that? I would say a feets test all
13:16
right as it's a dexterous. That's a -2 for me.
13:20
Oh boy. It's not 0.
13:23
Oh, what was it, 2? OK, so it's 0.
13:26
No, no, I rolled 4. It's 2.
13:28
Oh I'm with you. OK, you're in there.
13:31
You're fiddling around with the lock and it you just can't get
13:33
the tumblers in the right positions as these two are
13:37
completely preoccupied by gnawing on their Co worker.
13:41
So they don't give a shit about us.
13:43
They don't give two shits or a good God damn I'm.
13:47
Just going to just Mosey up to one of the desks and see if
13:52
there's a key like in the drawers of the desks.
13:55
OK, go ahead. And you know what?
13:57
As you're starting to fumble around watching out for what
14:00
they're doing. Excuse me.
14:01
Excuse me, gentlemen. Excuse me.
14:03
You. Do see a set of keys that is in
14:06
the back of one of the drawers? Oh, I will just just excuse me a
14:11
moment then. Thank you.
14:14
And I just start how many keys are on this thing on this key
14:17
ring. 23. I just start.
14:25
It's like, you got to be fucking kidding me.
14:28
And I just start trying the keys one at a time.
14:34
Fumble with them, No. Son of A.
14:39
Do you even know what you're doing?
14:42
Yes, I do. Can't.
14:44
You can't do what? Do you want to know what I'm
14:47
doing? Getting us the fuck out of here.
14:51
Really. Because it looks like you're
14:52
kind of just fumbling with some keys.
14:55
Shut it and I am just continuing to try.
14:59
I may have had better luck with my toothpick if you want me to
15:01
try again. Yes, please.
15:04
I'm fine. And I take a turn and then like
15:08
I just, I just throw off all the keys that I tried that haven't
15:11
worked. And I, I think in the span of
15:13
that I'm just going to roll AD 10 to see how many I've been
15:16
tried. I will allow it.
15:19
OK, I tried 10 keys so far. All right, after that 10th key,
15:24
go ahead and make me a Gray meta test.
15:26
Great Gray meta is that -2 here we go.
15:29
That's a 2. For some reason half of these
15:33
keys don't even fit in the lock itself.
15:38
Do I notice that? Like they're potentially trying
15:41
to put the key in upside down. Yes, you do.
15:45
So as like she's chucking or as they are chucking them down on
15:48
the ground. No, I I got to start by the
15:51
sheet. That was a joke.
15:53
Before you're going to pick up all the keys that I've used.
15:56
Yep. OK, go ahead.
15:58
Make a Gray Mata test for me, Thomas.
16:00
Oh. That's a six.
16:04
No matter how hard you try, no matter how many keys you pick
16:07
up, you're like, maybe she was right, Maybe these keys don't
16:09
fit right and they're still going at it.
16:12
You can see in the panic of trying to go through the keys
16:15
and keep an eye on these two cannibal accountants that
16:18
they're making their way through this corpse, but quick.
16:21
OK, I I go back to the door and I try, I'm just going to roll AD
16:26
four. I try four more keys.
16:30
OK, give me a Gray Mata test to see if you find.
16:33
Don't. I'm talking to my dice.
16:38
Come on baby, that's a 17. All right, after fumbling
16:45
through 17 of these keys, you finally find one that fits into
16:49
the keyhole and turns it and opens the door.
16:52
I have never in my life been so thankful for something to fit.
16:57
Let's go. As you go and open the door, you
17:00
hear absolute silence in the room.
17:02
In the room we're in or the. In the room you're in.
17:04
Ohh. Ohh God I'm getting away.
17:07
Oh. Fuck.
17:09
And as you hear that, you hear the wet footsteps of them
17:12
walking, trudging through blood and chain as they're dragging
17:16
along the room, coming towards you.
17:17
Oh. OK.
17:19
Well, I think that's our indication that we need to get
17:22
out of here. Vamos vamos.
17:24
Do we think they ate through the part where their friend was
17:26
chained up? They might be dragging a part of
17:28
a body. Right, which means we don't have
17:31
time. We need to just go.
17:32
We can outrun them at the moment I've.
17:34
Run. All right, you guys are already
17:37
at the door, fumbling with the keys.
17:38
You guys get through the door, slam it shut.
17:40
You hear them beating on the door on the other side, like
17:43
they're working their way trying to get through to you.
17:45
You are in a hallway now that's as lit as every other room has
17:49
been. That has got a left hand turn to
17:52
it. As you pass that left hand turn,
17:54
there's another door. You know what, this time I'm
17:58
going to put my ear to the door and see if I hear anything on
18:01
the opposite side. OK, go ahead and OK, Mada.
18:08
I cursed at that one. I don't want to metal it.
18:10
Let me see here. Let's get the big metal boy that
18:14
is a 15. As it sits right now, you don't
18:17
necessarily hear anything through the door.
18:19
You've noticed that these doors are Victoria heavy metal doors,
18:23
solid. You don't necessarily hear
18:25
anything through the door itself at the moment.
18:27
As I put my side of the head to the door do I feel any like
18:30
temperature change in the door? Like is it hot, is it cold, or
18:33
is it just I can't tell shit? It is the door.
18:36
It's cold to the touch, just ambient cold metal door.
18:39
But the door does seem to be unlocked if you were to test the
18:42
handle. I just slowly press it and it
18:44
like feels like it's unlocked. Is it pull or push?
18:48
It is pull. All right.
18:49
I look at the two gentlemen behind me and I'm like, ready,
18:54
boys. I don't see us having much more
18:57
of a choice, so I guess. It's a better option than what
19:01
is back there. You are so right.
19:05
And A1. And A2 and A3.
19:09
OK, go ahead and roll me AD 10 there, Mr. Gambino all.
19:13
Right 5. OK, and go ahead and roll me AD
19:19
4. Here's.
19:19
One of my new D fours that I got.
19:22
Those creepy fucking D fours. Yeah, they are pretty cool.
19:25
That's what I meant. It's a 2.
19:27
OK, in this room as you open the door, you see that there's piles
19:33
and piles like the floor is littered with just rusted jagged
19:37
metal and broken glass. And this room looks like it goes
19:42
on for at least 20 yards. Big, long, massive room.
19:47
And every so often you'll hear like an aperture open in the
19:51
ceiling and it's just dumping more rusted metal and glass into
19:54
this room. Great.
19:56
You guys got your tetanus shots? Yes, we're going to have to
20:00
probably not go underneath the aperture.
20:03
We're going to need to just get off the wall.
20:07
This would be a horrible place for a slip and slide.
20:10
Indeed. Oh God, I don't want to slip
20:13
anywhere near those things. All right, everybody give me a
20:15
nuts test DR12 as they're traversing the Rook.
20:20
Colette. Has no nuts.
20:22
It's a figure. 12. On the nuts.
20:27
Hey. Oh, that's a 5 on the nuts. 7.
20:31
OK, as you 3 are trying to circumvent where the aperture is
20:36
and dumping the rusted metal in the glass, Dalton, you seem to
20:40
find a path where you can kind of get through with, you know
20:42
with dodging everything. Collette and Donnie not as lucky
20:46
as the glass and the metal just start scraping and slicing at.
20:51
Your legs peel in the room. Which is crazy.
20:54
Why would there be a banana peel in a room full of rusted metal
20:57
broken glass? Insurance isn't going to cover
20:59
this. Donkey Kong was here.
21:01
Both of you guys roll AD 6 for damage.
21:04
Oh, now I roll high. That's fine.
21:06
That's a one I rolled OK. OK, five points of damage and
21:11
one points of damage and they'll both you roll me AD 6 as well.
21:15
Another one, yes. That's 6.
21:18
OK. That's a three.
21:22
OK, perfect. That was to see if you guys get
21:24
an infection, but no, for some reason if you got scraped up,
21:27
but you guys are fine. You guys get to the other side
21:29
of the room and there's a small hallway that leads to a closed
21:34
door. Well, I got the last one.
21:36
Dalton, how about you? You're up with Donnie.
21:39
I can go, I guess. I haven't gone yet.
21:42
Yes, it only makes sense. OK, Yeah.
21:45
Doors unlocked. I guess I should just open the
21:48
door and yell surprise. Maybe Nick's the last pot, Don.
21:53
All right, then I guess I'll just turn the knob and looks at
21:57
the hinges to determine which direction to open the door like
21:59
a normal human does. Dalton's going to turn Colette.
22:04
Do you think he's even capable of being quiet?
22:08
I mean, if he tries really hard. OK, I'm going to say why don't
22:13
we count to 5 before we follow him in?
22:17
You can do that, right? Yeah.
22:18
Yeah, up to 5. Yeah, Colette's like, yeah, I
22:23
can. Not to you.
22:25
You are a son of a bitch. All right, so so I I say that
22:31
and then I slowly open the door and kind of peek my way in.
22:34
OK, As you open the door and you peer in, you see a very small
22:39
desk with a very, very large, very muscular man sitting behind
22:46
the desk with with a pen in his hand that looks like somebody
22:49
holding a toothpick. This guy is just monstrous and
22:52
he's just writing on some papers and he looks up and he motions
22:57
you to come in. I nudge Dalton forward, but I
23:01
feel like I like. I pretend to cough and I nudge
23:04
him in the back. Before you you do that though.
23:06
Like I only open it like this far so he sees me peering in.
23:10
He sees your eyeball. So you guys are still back there
23:12
and I'm just like from behind the door, one finger up, just
23:15
like I go in. OK?
23:18
You guys are welcome to stay obscured.
23:22
Yeah, I'm totally staying outside of the line of sight.
23:25
Oh no. Oh fuck.
23:28
You'll notice as you walk in Donnie that he's motioning you
23:31
in and he points over to a a small chair off to the side.
23:35
Point point of the chair nod my head I I go and I have a seat
23:39
and I just kind of hands in my lap just around the.
23:42
Corner of the door, I just knock a stone ready in my slingshot.
23:46
I'm I'm just like, I like, I'm like having my back against the
23:49
wall and like I'm sort of leaning towards the entrance and
23:53
I just, I'm just readying a shot.
23:55
I don't want anybody to talk with my boy Donnie.
23:57
OK, Donnie, you notice that all he's done is point to the chair
24:00
where you're sitting in and he goes back to writing.
24:03
Like I said, very small desk, very large man, just a single
24:06
clipboard and a single pen in his hand.
24:08
OK, so after an awkward solid moment, 90 seconds.
24:14
So are you ahead of Accountant? He lifts his head and you notice
24:19
that his mouth is stitched shut and he looks at you.
24:23
He just. Oh well, that's who I need to
24:25
see, so I guess I should go then and.
24:28
He points to the chair to sit back down.
24:31
Oh. Well.
24:33
I, Dalton, will walk around the corner of the doorway and into
24:38
the room. OK, he sees you, he motions you
24:41
in, points to a chair right next to Donnie, and goes back to
24:45
writing I. I instead I walk up to the desk
24:49
to try and see what he's writing down.
24:50
As you get close to the desk, you feel this weird electrical
24:55
vibration coming from just beyond where his desk is, like
24:59
there's some sort of field between you and him.
25:03
Okay, is there a point where like the resistance comes to a
25:06
point where I can't progress farther?
25:09
Just beyond where the desk is, maybe the six inches from the
25:13
edge of the desk. I suppose if we have to wait
25:16
here, do you have any sort of literature or anything?
25:21
But thank you for nothing. It gives you a thumbs up.
25:24
I'll go sit next to Dobby. OK, Colette waits another 90
25:28
seconds and realizes nothing's going to happen and she just
25:31
sort of puts the stone back in her pocket, puts her slingshot
25:34
away and she she rounds the corner and goes hi, Jeff.
25:39
Good. I got some words for you because
25:41
I am here to report sexual harassment that happened to me.
25:47
No, no, I was told to come here and talk to you directly.
25:53
Then he points to the chair to sit down.
25:55
Well, isn't that typical of a man?
25:57
I raise my eyebrow. Man.
26:00
All right, so you're going to make a woman wait like this?
26:04
I look at my. I look at my guys to like to see
26:07
what. I just shrugged back.
26:10
I'm thinking of a word that rhymes with grass and we want to
26:13
guess what it is. And.
26:14
I look back at the stitched mouth man and I just put my
26:18
hands up a surrender and I just sit in the chair.
26:21
By the way, what do these chairs look like?
26:22
They're just normal chairs. They're, you know, those plastic
26:25
chairs that you would see in like elementary schools, like
26:28
the orange and blue and and red ones.
26:30
Yeah, very uncomfortable. It is three of those chairs just
26:33
sitting there. And I had a room that is barren
26:36
of anything else aside from the small desk where this large man
26:39
is sitting, those three chairs and the door you walked in.
26:42
And nothing else in this room other than the weird electrical
26:44
field that Thomas. Correct between you guys and
26:48
him. So I just park myself in a chair
26:51
and just go to the tough crowd crowd.
26:54
As you sit down, the door that you walked in through closes
26:58
shut and you hear a series of locks lock behind it.
27:01
Fuck. Me.
27:03
He looks up at you guys and you see him writing furiously and he
27:09
holds up his clipboard. I'm sure this guy has a really
27:12
complicated back story. And I'm sure he's drawing us a
27:16
pretty picture of a pony. Now when you said he was large,
27:19
did you mean that he was muscular or just fat?
27:21
He is. Said Muscular.
27:22
Muscular. Muscular Like just a huge poking
27:26
mass. He's the opposite of Mr.
27:28
Creosote. So as you see him furiously
27:31
writing down, he holds up the piece of paper that he's
27:33
writing. Time for a break.
27:35
Ah, you fuck it. Come one, come all, join us as
27:55
we dive into the dying world of More Ford and the Bored
27:59
Universe. Whispers of the Dying Lands is a
28:02
podcast with 1 mission to spread the word of Mecca Bell as third
28:07
party content creators share the prophecies of Verhoo.
28:12
Hi, your host Alaska's teams up with everyone's favorite scum,
28:16
Iron Tusk Tevin. From Flail to the Face, we sit
28:20
down with content creators to help promote and try to give
28:23
maximum exposure and efforts to support their crowdfunding
28:27
campaigns. Hell is real is real.
28:41
Hell is not fire and flame. Flame forms, forms and
28:45
architecture of obligation. Hellspawn is a stand alone
28:50
tabletop role-playing game of multiversal hunts, dance songs
28:55
and the tools forged to bring them back.
28:58
You are that tool. You walk the dying worlds with
29:03
the chain in one hand and torments in the other.
29:07
Based on the MERT Borg Engine, compatible with Cyborg, Pirate
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Board, Frontier Scum and more, but it stands on its own.
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Over 100 pages, full colour hardcover hardcover built to
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burn to burn Hell is coming. It's coming.
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The Kickstarter pre launch is live now.
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Live now. Follow the link below link below
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the wheel turns turns you are sent sent.
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Bad news, scum. You died.
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You died. Sorry, sorry.
29:46
Even worse news, you've been resurrected by a mad
29:48
necromancer. Necromancer.
29:50
Why? Why does it matter?
29:51
Does it matter what's dead should stay dead stay dead,
29:55
especially considering the fact that your grade was warm, calm
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and bleak more than anybody could ever wish for these days,
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these. Days and kill your necromancer.
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Play as one of four undead to regain your peace.
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Take it back and the only way to do it is to find her and kill
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content, 6 dark locations to roam, you can fight other undead
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the dungeon for glory and gold. Follow the link below to get
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your copy. Fight, die, repeat.
30:44
Welcome back to Flail the Face. We have our three inmates seated
30:48
like they're waiting to talk to the principal as this large,
30:51
hulking man with his mouth stitched shut behind some sort
30:55
of force field basically just kind of sits there and lets them
30:58
Stew. What's what's going through your
31:00
guys's head right now as you're sitting here waiting to see
31:02
what's happening next? Right now I am going through
31:08
some popular items that some of the inmates in my cellblock use
31:13
and I'm trying to see what I could barter with.
31:16
How I can mark up prices or trading values.
31:19
How I can influence some buying potential around the commissary
31:24
and the and the rooms for things like intergalactic pop tarts,
31:29
triple ply toilet paper, maybe some refried beans?
31:35
Dalton's just gone. I can't believe I'm going to
31:39
perish with these buffoons. Donnie is trying to think of a
31:43
word that rhymes with desk, but it's not too easy, so that way
31:46
they don't guess it right away. So as you guys are sitting there
31:49
contemplating all this stuff, you can't tell if it's been
31:51
minutes or hours have gone by, but it seems like you guys have
31:54
been sitting there forever. Then out of nowhere, you hear an
31:59
air horn echo through this otherwise silent room and you
32:03
see the hulking man with the mouth stitched shut look at his
32:07
wrist and opens one of the drawers, pulls out a little box
32:13
with a button on it, presses the button, and then it feels like
32:16
the floor has been taken out from underneath you.
32:19
As this room plummets, the whole room drops.
32:23
All three of you and the hulking man himself.
32:25
All four of you free fall. Like like for the Tower of
32:29
terror at some park that's mouth themed.
32:32
Yes, something to that effect. Just like the button could have
32:36
been on the desk. Oh shit, it's more fun this.
32:40
Way I hold up my arms like Donnie showed me and I go, no
32:46
it's not. It's not fun at all.
32:49
And before you know it, the room stops abruptly.
32:53
And I take it we all land without damage?
32:57
Of course you do not. You guys were sitting in the
32:59
chair. You free fall.
33:00
You're basically just up planted to the roof, and then you fall
33:04
as soon as the room abruptly stops.
33:06
Nobody gets hurt and you see the the hulking man stand up, walk
33:11
from around side where the force field is, picks the three of you
33:14
up, opens up one of the tiles in the floor, grabs and drops all
33:18
of your weaponry down there. Come on.
33:22
Over everybody from the dungeon? Or does that include anything we
33:24
brought in? All of us on our persons.
33:26
Yeah, the stuff that you found in the dungeon, if there's
33:30
anything that you were hiding, he's not patting you down.
33:33
He's just taking the stuff that he can see, dumps it in the
33:35
hole, closes the tile, opens the door that you guys came through
33:38
and ushers you guys through. Point of order, before we came
33:42
down here I remembered I stashed 2 bottles of homemade wine
33:46
because Paul said we were going to go party.
33:49
So I still have those on my purse since he didn't frisk.
33:51
Me. I still have them.
33:53
OK, I feel good about it. I do too.
33:55
You guys are. Going down this very narrow
33:57
hall, you guys are just walking and walking and walking until
34:01
eventually you get to yet another door.
34:03
He opens it, he ushers you guys in and there's another three
34:07
chairs with another desk and an older woman back behind the desk
34:12
sitting there writing stuff down.
34:14
It's supposed to be your mother or.
34:16
Something. No.
34:17
This is the head of accounting. Any ushers you guys?
34:20
Over to the chairs. The woman behind the desk
34:23
doesn't even look up. She's furiously writing.
34:25
Furiously writing, Yes. OK.
34:31
And is there anything on her desk that could signify like her
34:34
name or if she's with a department also, do we hear the
34:38
same electrical hum that Thomas encountered?
34:41
That's good question. Everybody go and.
34:43
Make me a Gray matter check. 16. OK.
34:49
That's a natural. One I'm just.
34:51
Gonna start whistling. That's a 17 all.
34:53
Right as Dalton. Is staring off into, well,
34:57
nothing. Since it's another sterile white
34:59
room. You do notice that the room is a
35:01
lot larger than the one you were in before.
35:03
The desk is dead center with the chairs just in front of the
35:06
desk, and you don't hear any sort of buzzing.
35:09
It seems to be just an open room.
35:11
OK, as far as? Anything on the desk to.
35:13
Identify who she is. You don't see anything.
35:16
Is I cleared desk with a single sheet of paper that she is
35:19
writing on? Does she look like annoyed?
35:22
Or like indifferent? She looks indifferent.
35:25
OK. Then to start whistling louder.
35:28
And that while you whistle. I'm just going to go up to her
35:32
and I'm just going to use my skill.
35:34
Damn dude. Who Dat and Colette will go.
35:37
I finally another woman. Thank God.
35:40
Am I right? So hey there.
35:43
Hey there. Hey there, lady.
35:44
I hate it. Hey, listen, how long you've
35:47
been here and how long has Frankenstein been under your
35:51
employee? Go ahead and roll the nuts test.
35:54
Oh. Yeah, Oh.
35:59
That is a I'm going to spend a kudo to re roll.
36:04
OK yes, that is a 16 perfect. You see that she.
36:09
Stops writing and she looks up you and she says Harold has been
36:15
employed. With us for a very long time.
36:18
OK, now please, the three of you have a seat.
36:21
I would like to speak with you, but but before we do that, can I
36:25
please request your name? All in due time.
36:28
Please have a seat. Oh, OK.
36:31
And as I turn around, I bend down and I pull out a bottle of
36:36
wine from my jumpsuits and oh, look what conveniently fell out
36:42
of this crazy thing. And I give her a wink and I go
36:47
to the chair to sit down. And she takes your bottle.
36:50
Of wine and sets it at the very edge of the desk.
36:53
Looks at it for far too long. Like where exactly was that
36:56
hiding and why is it cold? Why is it cold and motions?
37:02
For the rest of you. Guys to sit down?
37:04
Sure, why not? I was already seated.
37:07
He just looks. Over as you sit down.
37:09
Good boy, Donnie. I know.
37:11
Who the three of you are. But you do not know who I am.
37:13
My name is Doctor Bristol Throckmorton.
37:18
Well, we have a proposition here for you.
37:20
How would you like to get off of this rock?
37:22
Go back to your home planets, live your life?
37:25
My eyes widen. Is this this a?
37:28
Rhetorical question, No, I want an answer.
37:31
What would you do to get out of here?
37:34
There's not a lot of things I probably.
37:36
Wouldn't do I try to hide? My enthusiasm not to give up
37:42
anything. I'm trying like to hold this
37:44
like kind of poker faced. OK, I'd be like.
37:46
Well. Donnie starts to unbutton his
37:49
shirt. No, no, no.
37:52
No, no, no. No, no.
37:53
The Donnie, Donnie, Donnie. No.
37:55
We love the enthusiasm there, pal.
37:57
But as you can see, Doc, all of us are not to give up the ghost
38:02
chomping at the bit to taste that sweet air Freedom.
38:05
Well, I have a proposition for you.
38:07
Proceeds to remove another. No, no, no.
38:09
Donnie. Donnie, please.
38:10
Please actually go ahead. That's enough.
38:18
And as she. Motions to Donnie to either stop
38:21
or keep going. She's very confused as well.
38:23
She backs away from the desk and stands up but not on normal
38:28
legs. You see that from her mid waist
38:32
down it is all cybernetic spider legs.
38:34
So she's standing up on like 8 mechanical legs, Yes.
38:40
She got the Darth Maul procedure.
38:41
So and she. Skitters around the desk in
38:45
front of the three of you. We have Mecca Lama.
38:48
Be praised Mecca Lama, be praised another.
38:51
Another button comes off. Donnie, you are one horny kinky
38:58
fellow. I did not need to.
39:00
Know that about my. Companions.
39:03
Well, buckle up buttercup, because I.
39:05
Think what she's propositioning involves something even better.
39:09
Exactly. We have been watching the three
39:13
of you and we feel that you can help us as we help you.
39:17
I'm part of an organization called the Multiversal
39:20
Investigation and Law Enforcement Force.
39:23
What we do is make sure that prisoners in this facility,
39:27
wherever they may come from, stay in this facility.
39:31
So get let me get this straight. Yes, your organization is called
39:35
MILF. That is correct.
39:37
Final buzz off. I think you're on the right
39:44
track, Donnie. Because I think we're about to
39:46
get fucked. No, no, no, no, no, no.
39:48
We. I'm.
39:49
Here to to make an agreement with you guys to to to help you
39:52
guys help us help you. Long story short, there were a
39:57
team of law enforcement that would go to all these different
40:02
multiversal planes that would take the worst of the worst from
40:06
those planes and bring them here.
40:08
Something happened to these agents.
40:11
Agents of. If, if you don't mind, I do not
40:15
at all. Something happened with them.
40:17
They were warped as they were traveling back and forth
40:22
collecting all these prisoners to inhabit our beautiful
40:25
landfill prison planet. They would come back after and
40:28
they were changed. They were different.
40:31
They were not who they were. They formed a Group, A cult,
40:38
some sort of following, calling themselves Hell Spawn.
40:42
Eventually they gave up every responsibility they had as an
40:46
agent of MILF and dispersed through the multiverse to all
40:50
these different planes. And we don't know what their
40:54
plan is. What I'm proposing to the three
40:57
of you is for you to travel to these planes, bring back these
41:02
agents so that we can question them and see exactly what is
41:06
going on. In return, every mission that
41:09
you go on and bring back an agent, we will reduce your
41:12
prison sentence just as quick and easy as that.
41:15
I got to admit I am. A little at odds here because
41:20
you want us to help cops. I understand that it.
41:24
May go against your beliefs, but I can tell you right now this is
41:29
going to be the only way you'll be getting off this rock, okay?
41:35
I mean, absolutely discuss it amongst yourselves.
41:39
And she skitters back behind. Her desk so we can we can bring.
41:43
Them back. Battered and bruised, right?
41:46
I need them barely. Conscious you can bring them to
41:49
the brink of death some of them you may have to sweeten the pot
41:53
yeah, that sweeten the pot just a little bit now now I
41:55
understand that your bodies are well not what they used to be so
42:01
you won't actually be traveling in the body you're in you will
42:04
be transported into a body in that plane and you'll be
42:07
inhabiting their body so we're just going to what like plug
42:13
into something and then bang boom become another person in a
42:17
manner speaking yes I mean I'm not sure if you guys remember
42:20
the old show quantum leap never heard of it OK well it's a
42:24
classic Scott bacula. It's a historical text.
42:26
I'm quite. Familiar.
42:27
I don't know. That Scott Bacula I know.
42:29
Another Scott Bacula, but that's for a whole other complex back
42:32
story. But so if you're giving us
42:35
bodies to go fetch your employees for, what is stopping
42:41
us from taking said the body and just going around doing whatever
42:45
we want? Ziggy says.
42:46
We can't. I did say you couldn't, but no.
42:49
You will be monitored, and if you do decide that you're going
42:53
to go rogue, sounds like they'll just pull the.
42:56
Plug on us there, Colette. That is absolutely correct.
43:00
And you don't know what happened to your, your guys, these, no,
43:05
these hell spawn. They've gone off and they've
43:09
taken resist chips out. They have gone completely rogue.
43:13
So how are you locating them in the first place?
43:15
We know of their last known locations through teleport
43:20
signals. It's beyond that that we don't
43:22
know. We can get you to roughly where
43:25
our last known location is and it'll be on you to bring them
43:31
in. You will be monitored and you
43:33
will be safe. If for any reason that while
43:36
you're in these bodies on these planes and you die in that body,
43:41
you do not die here. You're simply brought back here.
43:44
Unfortunately, as part of the give and take, I do have to give
43:48
you added time on to your sentence.
43:51
So more incentive to do good. All right.
43:54
And so So what are we just supposed to go back to what jail
43:59
cells after this or how does this whole thing work?
44:03
Well, if and when you come back with these hell spawn, you're
44:07
going to go back to your cell and back to your normal life
44:10
because this needs to be hush hush on the down low and as she
44:15
says that. A door opens on the side and a
44:18
small, frail man that Colette knows all too well walks in with
44:24
a tray of drinks in one hand and a small cat in the other.
44:29
Do I know you? What?
44:30
Collette, it's me. It's Saul.
44:32
What are you doing here, sweetheart?
44:35
Oh my God, I haven't seen you forever.
44:37
Fuck. Darling.
44:40
Son. Of.
44:43
A Sal What the what? How where I got pinched down
44:52
there too so. I I got up here and I I don't
44:55
know, I talked to the wrong person at the right time and I'm
44:57
here helping Dr. Bristol. Yeah.
45:00
What? What did?
45:01
You do? What did you fuck up?
45:03
You know what we don't have time to?
45:05
Get into it. We'll talk later.
45:06
We'll we'll catch up. We'll catch up.
45:09
It's been too long. You look gorgeous.
45:11
It's been. Got it.
45:13
Yes. You're shut your mole infested
45:17
mouth and as you tell him that. He's like, yeah, OK.
45:20
And he sets the drinks down, and he sets the cat down on the desk
45:23
and sits down, a tube of lipstick right next to the cat.
45:26
And he looks at the doctor. Dr. Bristol, is there anything
45:30
else you need from me? No, Sal, you you've done.
45:33
More than enough. OK, well, I'm gonna.
45:35
I'm gonna go. Take care of the bathrooms now,
45:37
Letty, my sweet. It's so nice to see you.
45:40
I can't wait to see you again. We got to catch up.
45:45
Yeah, yeah, we'll, we'll do that.
45:48
We will do that. And I go over to the bottle that
45:51
I gave the doctor and I just crack a top open and just take a
45:55
big swing of it. And she looks approvingly.
46:00
Okay. Sweetheart, I'll talk to you
46:01
later. Doctor Bristol, if you maybe
46:03
I'll be in the bathroom cleaning.
46:04
This shit is okay. Bye.
46:06
So is that your ex-husband? Or something.
46:08
Yeah, it sounds like a pretty. Complicated back story.
46:12
Do you want to elaborate on that dynamic a little bit?
46:17
He called you, sweetheart. In in the Church of the the the
46:20
Mecca Lama. That is a very affectionate
46:22
term. Unfortunately, we got.
46:25
Married in a place that is far from holy.
46:29
You ever heard of Vegas? Yes, I've heard of the place.
46:33
Yeah, it was. It was a combination of well
46:37
shots and more well shots. Plus the wedding venue gave out
46:42
free tattoos and I show the tattoo I got and it's of a 2
46:47
headed butterfly. Classy on my.
46:50
Left shoulder. And I go to the doctor and I go
46:54
Doc. Yes.
46:55
What are you doing? Pinching my ex-husband and
46:59
inside, man, that helps get me stuff to barter people in here.
47:06
Trust me, Collette, we're not here to interfere with any of
47:10
your extracurricular activities. What are we thinking about this?
47:14
Are you guys interested? Do you need a minute?
47:17
I can tell you right now. If it's our best chance of
47:21
getting off of this dump, I'm in Collette takes a.
47:26
Big swig of the wine and goes fuck it, let's do it.
47:31
Anything get out of the shit hole and I give it.
47:34
I give my bottle to Donnie and go.
47:36
You win, reverend. Yes, Mommy, Donnie.
47:46
Please make me a mouth. Test with advantage with.
47:51
Advantage, OK. All right, all right, all right.
47:54
Now. So with advantage that's an 18
47:58
as you say that. You look over at Dr. Bristol
48:01
Throckmorton and you can't be 100% sure, but you think you see
48:06
her blush ever so slightly. Fantastic.
48:09
Well. Everybody have a seat and we
48:12
will get started. Oh wait, we're doing this now.
48:15
Well, there's no time like the present and as she says that.
48:19
The large hulking man walks up and starts pulling leather
48:23
strapping from the back of the seats.
48:25
Ohh. I didn't know he was into.
48:28
This OHH Harold he's into. It I I pull out the other bottle
48:33
of wine from my pants and I go, well, now it's a party, so
48:39
Harold starts. Strapping you guys in and pulls
48:42
out. It looks like a a drying cap
48:44
that you'd see on a old school hairdresser.
48:47
Hairdresser. Yeah, exactly.
48:48
Puts that over and as he puts those caps over the top of the
48:52
three of you, you see him go to a panel, open it up and click on
48:56
the power to it. As he clicks on the power it
48:58
starts to were up and Dr. Bristol Throckmorton looks at
49:02
the three of you and says thank you, this will not be forgotten.
49:06
Looks at both Donnie. And Colette at your legs, it's
49:09
like, oh gosh, you guys got cut up that.
49:11
Looks like it could get infected.
49:52
This episode of Flail Face features.
49:54
The games you made occupied landfill by Todd shaughnessy,
49:57
Daniel thrawn and Chris Elliott, and hell spawned by Richard
50:00
marker and Lee iovis, with Thomas yunos dummy playing
50:03
Dalton walls, Tom gambino playing Colette stellano,
50:06
Charles patchke playing Donnie and Kevin Welch as game master.
50:09
Season 2 theme music is Boy Construct by Alex Grill, editing
50:13
by Kevin Welch, episode art by Tom Gambino, and video editing
50:16
by Dan Finney. And on behalf of the cast and
50:19
crew of Flip Fill the Face, we want to thank all the listeners
50:21
for sticking with us. Without you, season 2 wouldn't
50:24
be a thing. So if you could do us a favor,
50:25
like subscribe and follow on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
50:29
Blue Sky and YouTube. We're on there too and share
50:33
with all your friends so we can get out there to more people.
50:35
With that being said, thanks for listening and we'll catch you
50:37
guys next time. Eat your socks and you have
50:46
mismatched socks. You see you, you got.
50:49
The one sock that is pink and you have that other sock that
50:53
was once white but has turned pink because of the laundry.
50:57
But you know deep down when you put them on your feet that that
51:00
is not the true partner to that sock.
51:03
That is in fact a a a lie, just like the lies of of those who of
51:10
the alpacas I'm trying to like. I didn't think of any.
51:13
Llama versus alpaca facts other than one is smaller and like
51:17
alpacas. Alpacas go into petting zoos to
51:20
lie to you. Llamas are too big to fit inside
51:25
of them. That is why they are like good
51:27
beautiful green farms except for the mechanical ones that will
51:30
change your oil. Preach.
51:32
He speaks truth, OK? I.
51:35
Think I found him. There you go, beautiful.
51:38
There you go, there's there's. A.
51:40
There's a religious lunatic that we all know and love, folks.
51:43
Now I must eat the flesh of this.
51:44
Raccoon I found. And he's lost the plot.
51:50
There he goes. There he goes.
51:54
They're all making sounds. Why are you turning your back?
52:07
I would. Too catch.
52:09
Just like Noah. Look at my.
52:10
Butt hole. I'm a cat I think I feel all
52:15
right about. That.
52:16
Yeah, until I think of something else that explains my urge.
52:20
Ouch. Ouch, Ouch.
52:25
Cut out at the 12 minute. 48 that's.
52:29
Where you. Beep it, that's where like
52:31
that's that explains my urge to beep audience you.
52:36
Too bad you missed that censored joke.
52:41
Those poor children. Hey, we killed Gambino.
52:52
God, you ever put cat on or? Lipstick on your cat's asshole
52:59
just to see where it places it around the house.
53:04
No, can't. Say that I have I have two cats.
53:08
My wife's got a. Lot of lipstick.
53:10
There you go. This is.
53:13
I'm gonna get yelled at. That's a surefire way.
53:17
For Kevin to get divorced, but I mean, it's only no, no that the
53:21
divorce. Will only happen after the
53:22
questions like what are all these lipstick stains around the
53:25
house and why are they? I can explain and I'll hold the
53:28
cat's ass. Sorry, Windows crashed in my.
53:32
Brain for a second are you just imagine what I.
53:35
Feel like I think Dolphinium learned how to put on lipstick
53:38
and it just started kicking the house.
53:42
No, our daughter did not figure that out.
53:44
She's 2. No, it's me.
53:47
I'm an asshole and I put cat lipstick.
53:49
I'm a cat's asshole. I'm an asshole and that's the
53:51
cat's. Ass.
54:34
The three of you wake up in. A round room with four doors.
54:38
But you don't feel the same. You feel different.
54:42
You've you know who you are, but it doesn't feel like you're in
54:46
your own body. Looking around.
54:48
The room is dimly lit and barren, with just four doors
54:54
looking around at each other. You don't look the same I look.
55:00
At my colleague Dalton and I look at him up and down, his
55:07
ghoulish appearance, his frightening face and visage, and
55:12
I go you look exactly the same, exactly the same.
55:17
Well, that's fine, because. You look like shit, look like
55:20
shit, look like shit. What?
55:23
And I look at my hands. And I notice that they are
55:27
decayed. My skin is like a shade of
55:31
bluish Gray. And I could feel like my
55:34
something I haven't. I touch my face and I feel
55:36
something I haven't felt in years.
55:37
My cheekbones. And I turn to Donnie.
55:41
And I go Donnie, Donnie on a scale.
55:44
I want the 10:10 one being bad, 10 being good.
55:49
How favorable is it? The ten, the 10 well, like the.
55:54
Great, Mcalama Wong said 10001001.
56:02
That does not sound good. By the way, is anybody else
56:05
hungry for brains? Brains.
56:07
Strangely, no. No.
56:09
Just me then normally. I would say.
56:12
Brains are always a yes, but I just want to lift a Candelabra
56:19
and I want to float around and round.
56:22
I turn invisible. Can I turn?
56:23
I can just do that at will, right?
56:25
I can just do that, right? Well, how'd you do that?
56:28
How'd you Daddy? And I I sort of like reach out.
56:30
I walk through objects. I'm feeling it.
56:34
Out I'm getting in my. Ectoplasm all over the place.
56:36
Yes, I want. To kill somebody right now.
56:41
I hold my fingers. To my wrist feeling a pulse and
56:45
I go. Good luck with me, Bow.