Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep81: Nick opens the wine; Evelyn opens the airways.

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Ep81: Nick opens the wine; Evelyn opens the airways. · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's Reverse Jackass.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: Over my dead body.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: Folks, welcome back to the Reverse Jackass podcast.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, my apologies for my sound quality.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: My mic isn't working today, so I'm doing it with the regular computer microphone.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: But even despite that, such is my commitment to podcasting for you that I'm here with my shitty microphone, here with me in my shitty microphone.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: As always, is Evelyn the Canadian Blade.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Evelyn, say hi to these kind folks.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, everyone.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: How do you enjoy my sound quality?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Is it smooth?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Is it buttery?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Is it just professional?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And is it a stark contrast to what you just heard?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if you're answering Evelyn's questions right now out loud, then I want you to turn off this podcast and uh go listen to something less challenging.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: Because we're here to fix relations between the United States and Canada.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: A couple big things have happened.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: The US is in a uh trade war with Canada.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, our stupid president is threatening terrorists.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Mark Carney appears unflapped, which one would hope he would be.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: And then also our stupid president attempted to rename uh Lake Ontario Lake America, and Google Maps immediately folded, and MapQuest has decided to hold the line.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: So uh now MapQuest is the GPS of choice.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's been a big couple weeks all over this great land.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's been a big couple weeks, big happening.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, a lot happening.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: American distilleries devastated by loss of Canadian sales.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh which means that you know, forgive me, Canada better than the US in so many different things, producing whiskey, not one of them.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: Our whiskey is infinitely superior.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: Canadians decided to hold strong and it's having a real effect.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: And you know what?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's the play.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's the play too.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: We already have one person kicking and screaming over on your over in this whole debacle.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think if the rest of us can just kind of stand to the side and with our hands folded nicely in front of us and withdraw our alcoholic products and lumber, let's say, then I think that's that's the move we're gonna do.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I I can't fault you for it.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I'm not here to talk about that because that we covered that.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's happening.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: What I'm here to talk about is something that changed my life, a skill that I learned that changed my life in my early 20s, even though it was not a skill that has much to do with my personal life.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: And that skill I didn't know you started knitting.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: I haven't knitted.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: I can stitch.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: I took Homek in sixth grade.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: I could stitch.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Homeck, which one?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: One or two?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: They uh they only offered one.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I took it and I got an A in it, and then I moved on.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: Once I learned how to how to smell a yard, as they say in sewing, I don't know if you had that.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Smell a meter, perhaps smell a yard.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna try to, I mean it's a visual thing, so I'm gonna try to describe it, which is that it was approximately three feet.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: If you put the the spool of thread to your nose and then you stretch it out, it should be about three feet.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: And so the idea is you smell a yard.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so you take the hold the spool next to your nose and then outstretch your arm holding the thread, and that's how you get about a yard of thread.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: A meter, as you say.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: A meter, a meter.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I thought Smell the Yard was a follow-up, a sequel, one might say, to the popular hit Stomp the Yard.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: Stomp the yard and then smell the yard.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, yeah, and it's the same cast, it's a lot less movement, a lot less percussion.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, how it actually ended up at the end of the semester was my home at teacher um carried me outside to the football field, and then she dug her knee into my back and held my wrist behind my waist, and then pushed my head into the soil, and then told me to smell the yard over and over again.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: Nose to the turf.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: And then she said, My uh, what was it?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: My biscuit croissants are burning.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I don't know if you had to make biscuit croissants in your home at class.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Aren't those, those are two different things?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: They're not in sixth grade home at class in Virginia in 1991.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: They are uh you get the biscuits, you pop them open, and then you twist them into croissants and you bake them.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: And this is the kind of stuff that they tell you so that you'll never have to go without starch for the rest of your life.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say something that really sounds like a slam on your country.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I do not think your country is ever needing to worry about going without starch for the rest of your life.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: It was a different time, it was idyllic.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: I want you to remember in 1991, it was idyllic.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um fair, fair.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: We were just getting to the end of the George H.W.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: Bush years.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um we were heading into Clinton, you know, we were still, we were still uh grunge had yet to happen.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: We were still shaking off hair metal.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um it was a different time, Evelyn.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, starch deficiency was a real problem.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: Now starch starch overwhelm is a is a real problem here.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you are you guys are super saturated with I've I mean I've watched a lot of food restaurant review videos from the States, and I see no shortage of uh the starch food group.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: I love how hard you're coming for us today.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: I Ellen is angry and she and she's coming at us today.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So all prickly.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to know because I interrupted you, what's the actual skill?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: The actual skill is wine service.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: And this is an interesting thing because I am not a wine drinker.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't particularly enjoy it.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have a palate for it.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: I don't understand, I mean, I understand cerebrally, but I don't understand personally what makes wine great.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: I can't justify paying more for one kind of wine.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: There's occasional little expensive wines that I like, but for the most part, I can't ever justify spending real money on wine.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it helped advance my career because when I was 23, my brother got me a job hosting at the restaurant at the Getty Center where he was a waiter.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I aspired very deeply to also become a waiter at this restaurant because the hours were better and the and the money was way better and the job was more interesting.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I had been making 11 or 12 dollars an hour as a host, and you know, you could make a lot more than that as a server.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so when the opportunity finally came up, I took the job and my brother said, So you have to learn how to serve wine.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then he took me into, and you know, he's a good brother and a kind brother, and he took me into the bar area and he showed me how to open a bottle of wine professionally at the table.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to tell you how to do it.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna try to make this funny, but it's kind of not funny.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I just want to say, folks, you're either gonna go, oh, I learned something, or you're gonna go, what the fuck is this stupid shit?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't do this to learn wine service things.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: But if you've ever, if you ever order a bottle of wine in the nice place, the server goes and gets it from the wine cellar of the wine area, and then you bring it out on a towel in the crook of your arm to display it.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, you bring it to the table to the person who ordered it, and you show the label to them, and then you get the nod or the approval of it, right?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: And that, again, this is all part of the ceremony, and this is all part of the stuff that you don't skip.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: And this is partly how you signal that you are a deliberate institution that provides good service.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: So once they give you the nod, you take the bottle of wine in your left hand, if you're right-handed, and you take the small knife in your right hand that is your wine opener, and you run it around the rim of the wine thing to cut the foil cap off.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_02: And you'll have a small coin-sized uh piece of foil from the top, and you set that down on the table.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: Then you insert the corkscrew into the cork and you twist it around.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: And this is the hard part.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: This is the part you can fuck up, and then it's a whole thing if you end up getting cork into the bottle, especially if it's an expensive bottle of wine.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: So you get really nervous at the beginning and you have to try a whole bunch, but you eventually you get good at it.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: You can do it effortlessly, and you get the thing in, you pull the cork out, and then you delicately set the cork down on the coin of foil that you have placed on the table as a little and you use it as a little stand.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: Now you may have seen in movies where people will smell the cork, yeah, right?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and what they're smelling for is mold.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: If it smells bad, then the bottle of wine is turned or corked as they say, um, and it's bad, right?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: But what it actually turns out is you don't need to smell it.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: If there's mold, you will be able to see it on the cork.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: So smelling it is not des classe, but it's unnecessary, right?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: When the server places the cork on the table, you can see it and you know um based on whether you uh visually see mold or not, whether it's good, right?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then the person sniffs or they look and they nod, and then you have a single glass that you put down on the table and you pour a tiny splash into that thing.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: And then the person, if they sort of know what they're doing, they use their hand to slosh it around a little bit so that they can look at the color and the clarity.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if they really want to be pretentious, they hold it up into the light and look at it, and then they take a sip of it and they deem it either good or not good.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: And then if they deem it good, then you go around the table, women first, um, and you start with the oldest woman, work your way down to the youngest woman, pouring from the left side into the glasses, and then you start with the youngest man and pour all the way up to the oldest man, ending with the person who ordered the bottle of wine, whoever that was.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: And then the other thing is that you have to be careful because if it's like one bottle of wine for three people, it's easy to pour everybody a glass and have some left over.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: If it's one bottle of wine for six people, then you have to pour enough that you're not out of it by the time you get to that sixth person.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a whole thing that gets better with practice, right?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, okay.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so is this actually interesting or is this just I find this really interesting?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I do have a question though.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Get me with a question.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is this a good time for questions?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a good time.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: What happens if you can't tell who's the oldest woman at the table?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: You well, I mean, and that's a little antiquated, and it's not it's you guess.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, um, okay, and it's not firm and it's not a thing where anybody's gonna call you on it.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, on some level in 2026, that's probably just an outdated thing, but that's how it was done.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it's I think as long, and again, probably in 2026, having anything gendered is probably a little silly.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and again, I haven't I haven't waited tables in over 10 years at this point.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I, you know, I'm not really like in a great position to tell you.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: But in fact, today might be like the 10th anniversary of me not waiting tables anymore from when I walked out.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Congratulations.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so it might be an outdated thing, but this is sort of how the standard was that you that you did it.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: I keep finding myself trying to turn towards the microphone, like seeing the microphone.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking to your computer, son.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so so you do this and it's a lovely thing.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: And if somebody wants to show off, sometimes they'll go, Oh, I know it's fine.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like they don't they don't taste it, they just um they can just let you pour it, and that's kind of badass.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: And um, and it's a lovely way to do something with a little ceremony, a little flair to make something expensive, kind of special, and it's a cool thing.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: And there are some people that use it as an opportunity to be pretentious, uh, and there's some people that use it as an opportunity to be cool and generous and magnanimous, and it's always a very interesting thing.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: And even though I've never enjoyed wine, I always enjoyed, always, always, always enjoyed opening a bottle of wine at a table and helping people serve it.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I enjoy doing it when I'm not, you know, when I'm with friends and there's wine, I enjoy like doing that piece of it.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: There's also a separate thing to opening a bottle of champagne, and many people don't know this.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: If you open a bottle of champagne correctly, it should be an audible, which is another thing that my brother taught me.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, interesting.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: Because technically, if you're having a big pop, not only is it disruptive and percussive and frustrating, yeah, um, but you're probably also releasing a lot of the um yeah, the carbon, right?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so ideally, you do it really quietly with the assistance of a napkin so that you can pour it really carefully.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I I think about this when uh my wife's friend got married.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: I went there and as he was getting changed into a suit, nobody in the family knew how to open a bottle of champagne, and I was able to do it expertly and pour.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's one of these little skills that comes in your life where it it's an opportunity to add a little bit of perceived class the situation you're in.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I've always enjoyed it.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: And the other side of it is that this helped me get a job that paid me better, exposed me to better food, exposed me to different people, gave me all of this, all of this experience.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: And that was the job, not that restaurant, but that job carried me through all of my time during grad school.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so here was a thing where fortunately I was born sufficiently younger than my brother, who got all this experience and was kind enough to impart it to me, and then was able to give me these opportunities.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: And this is how life happens, right?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: Is that hopefully, hopefully you know the right person, and hopefully, hopefully your family has enough privilege to enter you into these things where you can get these skills and get these these steps up.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's one of my one of my more cherished memories is my brother did me this wonderful thing, and I think about it, and I think about him every time I open a bottle of it.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so lovely.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: So, my question for you, Evelyn, is what is the most cherished skill that someone you love taught you?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, don't do that.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: That means this isn't funny.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, I I was smiling.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's two.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I'm gonna talk about a skill my mom and my dad both taught me.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my mom taught me uh how to cook, really, and I love cooking.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: My mom was a really good cook, not pretentious.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're not talking flashy or elegant or anything, but my mom made really good food.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: She made everything from scratch, and I have a lot of favorite dishes that she made.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, she had a recipe for a honey oat whole wheat loaf of bread that I made in copious amounts until I was diagnosed as celiac.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um she was poisoning you slowly for your whole life.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: She was poisoning.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: It tasted like honey.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it tasted like honey and it was wholesome and it was destroying my toot death.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I thought of and I thought of how much I loved my mother every time I hungered down over the toilet and crapped my guts out.
• 12:56
  unknown: Yeah.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Every time I had a headache that wouldn't go away for three days, I thought about how much my mother loved me.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: I knew my mom loved me if I looked 10 months pregnant after eating after eating one piece of bread.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my mom taught me how to roast a chicken.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: Hey chicken, hey chicken, you think you're all that?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: You're fucking stupid.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, enjoy eating seed off the ground, moron.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the other thing my mom taught me about food though was about generosity with food.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: There were times when if I was having just a rough time or going through something, mom would show up, my parents live an hour away, mom would show up at my house with a fully roasted cooked chicken, salad, you know, muffins, all sorts of stuff.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: So my mom taught me not only how to cook, um, but how to just be a gift to others with that skill.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I find myself doing a lot of the same thing.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: If someone is really going through something, or you know, the first thing I kind of think of, like if someone's in crisis, I'm like, you know, I can't fix this for you, but I can I can make sure that you're eating something.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's it doesn't sound very exciting, but it was something I saw her do and she did for me, and it was such a gift, and I love doing that for others.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: The skill my dad taught me is completely different.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And my dad taught me how to snort.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh and I don't mean drugs, I mean snorting, blowing your nose.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh and you might not think that's a skill that needs to be learned, but it actually is.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I have a very vivid memory of my dad sitting on the back deck with my sister and I and a handkerchief, and him teaching us how to blow our noses with force as a young can you explain this?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: What's the key to oh, just a real blast of air through the sinuses?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: He had to teach you that?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: He was like gather round.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Gather round is not noses.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: Have y'all ever heard of air?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, but think about it.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: As a little kid, like, you know, someone puts a Kleenex to your face and they're like, blow, and those little kids are always like like it's just this sad little nothing that doesn't move any people.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's a child, Evelyn.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right, that's what I'm saying.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta look they don't know.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: Sad little nothing.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sad little nothing, little moron producing a sad little nothing out of their nose.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so dad took Heather and I, and we were sitting on that porch, and he was just teaching us how to blow air through our nostrils with great enthusiasm.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's a famous story.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, you can't do a keg stand if your nose is overflowing, kids.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: No, Heather, grab that hose.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Heather, you grab that hose, and Evelyn's gonna swing it around her head.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Soundgarden plays quietly in the distance.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: There it is.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: And although I would say, you know what, as someone who grew up grew up with a pretty severe grain dust allergy living on a farm, I don't know which skill came in handier.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: I would say maybe initially snorting out the nose probably was really handy.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: But the one that's really sustained me is I think the the food.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: The food's okay.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe to be honest, I think maybe the nose, the blowing of the nose is a little more automatic by now.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, you know, you practice something, you do something for you know 40 years.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna achieve excellence.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's inevitable.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm I'm a I'm a pro.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: Do you ever do you and your do you ever thank him for that?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: Do you and your dad ever talk about like that moment?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't recently.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: We have talked about this as a family many times.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: I love that I love the conversation that you didn't witness that led to that, which was that you and your sister were sitting at the kitchen table looking like fucking garbage pail kids, like just covered, just covered in snot, and your mom was like, Harv, you have to work with them on this.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, All right, get get me my bandana.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: And then he and then and then he took you out of the back porch and was like, ladies, today you're gonna take one step towards adulthood.
• 17:00
  unknown: One.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if you think about it, like, do you know what like the farmer nose blow is?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do you know what that is?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, is that is that one nostril close of the finger and then a rocket?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's essentially what it is.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I have never been, I uh I have never been so bold as to try that.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or if even if I would have, I would know I wouldn't execute it properly and just end up with a massive slug on my shirt.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, right.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's so gross.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's risky, it's risky.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not an 80-year-old farmer.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it it's not my strongest suit.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it wouldn't look that good on me.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Me out there hawking in the barnyard.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't think it's my it's my look.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think maybe cooking more was.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: What's the what's the Canadian housewives noseblow?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: If that's the farmer's nose blow, how do how do Canadian housewives around the stove blow their noses?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: Is it delicate?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, you don't know.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it another like it's a yeah, it's a rocket into the sink?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh no, it's just a delicate dab.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's all.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're a lady.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_02: My mom has this thing, and I've never seen it, but she swears that it was a thing.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I've heard about other people talking about it that when she was a kid, her mom had this appliance that hooked up to the sink that would suck the snot out of her and her sister's noses and relieve it into the drain.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, you know what I'm talking about?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: Because I've never I don't know what this is, and I've never seen it, and it sounds sinister, but my mom says it was very, very effective.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Would it be like an oldie time neti pot?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever tried a neti pot?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I've tried the little squeeze bottle where you fill it with warm saline water, and then it shoots out the other, which is very satisfying.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_02: Have you ever accidentally forgotten to add the saline to that?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's the worst.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Torture.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever forgot to tilt your head forward when you do it?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you because you kind of tilt, you're supposed to tilt your head forward, right?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: So everything kind of drains out.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And what really helps, pro tip, if you're doing that, you keep your mouth open.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: You want to also keep like your throat open as well.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: So if you say like ca while you're doing it, ca, ca, ca, it helps keep everything forward.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is if you're too upright when you do that, it starts going all the way back down your throat.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's like you're drowning in the pool.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, don't do that.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Keep it forward, heads forward, people.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: Doesn't it strike you that most of what the nose does is inefficient and unhelpful?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, I would even be willing to do without my sense of smell because because the number of times that I say, wow, that smells great, is actually much less than the number of times I go, wow, that smells horrible.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe it's just that's just urban living, but like I like I the the number of times I walk past a bakery and go, ah, croissant, versus the number of times I walk past something and go, feasible in a normal toilet.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like right.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or you walk into like a gas station bathroom.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and you just And I'm like, I can't eat in here.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: I can't I can't enjoy I can't enjoy this roast chicken in here.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, why do they even buy these burritos?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you just wanted to shorten the pipeline from birth to death for those things.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's it, folks.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: If you listened carefully today, you could have learned two new skills, one of which is how to open a bottle of wine, one of which is how to effectively clear your sinuses.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh this is an informative podcast.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's a peace podcast, it's a humor podcast, it's an information podcast.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so I hope that you all learned something today.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you may also, depending on how Evelyn edits this podcast, may have learned the new name of a great lake.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I don't know.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Did we catch that?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Did we catch that?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: We're recording.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that was the other thing.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we talked about that at the beginning.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about that.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: Our stupid president tried to change the name of Lake Ontario.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'll keep that in there.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's perfect.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just keep it in.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: Keep it in for posterity.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Posterity.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: This this podcast, we are recording these episodes.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: We've never said this out loud.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is important behind-the-scenes information that you're gonna hear for the first time.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: Nick and I are creating this podcast in the hopes that it is the prime artifact in a future um time capsule.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: So all 81 episodes we've got so far.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: We're just gonna put those on a jump drive in a ziploc baggie and toss it into the earth.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: And and they call that a metaphor.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: Folks, we love you.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for joining us here.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_02: We love you so much.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Nick.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: With me as always is Evelyn the Canadian Blade.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: Evelyn, say goodbye to these wonderful people.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Goodbye, everyone.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to us.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: We really appreciate you.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I want to say.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: Some neighbors are besties.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: Others quarrel bitterly.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: Stuck together through geography.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: One of us has nukes.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the other has tokes.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's American Canadian diplomacy.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's reversive.