Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Do Narcissists have a "1 That Got Away?"

Transcript

Do Narcissists have a "1 That Got Away?" · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Today we're talking about. Do narcissists have a one that
• 0:05
  got away? If you're new here, my name is
• 0:09
  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
• 0:11
  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
• 0:13
  of The Narcissist Code. Boom.
• 0:32
  What up? What up?
• 0:32
  What up? Welcome back.
• 0:33
  Welcome back. Welcome back, folks.
• 0:34
  Yes, yes, yes. Do narcissists and toxic people
• 0:37
  have a one that got away? Yes, yes, yes.
• 0:44
  Not all. So let's go and let me go ahead
• 0:47
  and start off by saying this. Not everybody gets away from a
• 0:51
  narcissist, right? So not all narcissists can have
• 0:53
  a one that got away. If the one that they value the
• 0:56
  most is still with them, regardless of how they've been
• 0:58
  treated, and you know, maybe they're maybe they don't
• 1:00
  understand what they've been going through, maybe they felt
• 1:03
  trapped or whatever. The reason is Narcissistic
• 1:05
  people don't always end up alone at the end of their life, right?
• 1:09
  But for the ones that do kind of end up by themselves or end up
• 1:13
  with somebody, they end up settling for someone.
• 1:16
  The narcissist that is hyper focused on one of their exes or
• 1:20
  exes, plural, they do. Haven't one that got away.
• 1:24
  They can. And even if the narcissistic
• 1:25
  person tells you that they care about you, they you know, it's
• 1:28
  not always bad or whatever. They can still have their mind
• 1:32
  on someone else from the past, you know?
• 1:35
  But that like, and this is the crazy thing about it, is I say
• 1:39
  this so much in my videos. Y'all that narcissistic people
• 1:43
  can care about you. Not all of them do.
• 1:46
  But some narcissists, a lot of them can care about other
• 1:49
  people, right? And they don't think that you're
• 1:52
  going to ever leave them. That's the mindset of a crate of
• 1:55
  a lot of narcissists. They don't think that you will
• 1:56
  ever leave them, but they treat you like you will.
• 2:00
  You hear what I say? I know, I know it sounds
• 2:01
  confusing, but think about it. They don't think that you will
• 2:04
  ever leave them, right? They don't think like no matter
• 2:06
  what they've put you through because you've forgiven them for
• 2:08
  so much. Y'all have been through so much
• 2:10
  together, y'all have grown together, whatever it is.
• 2:13
  But they treat you like they do. They treat you like you will
• 2:15
  leave them because the narcissistic person has these
• 2:18
  abandonment issues going on inside of their heads where they
• 2:21
  always think that somebody that they always feel like you're
• 2:24
  going to abandon them, right? So they treat you like you're
• 2:27
  going to abandon them, but they don't think you will.
• 2:30
  And I know a lot of y'all, it sounds confusing, but I know to
• 2:33
  a lot of y'all it made sense, right?
• 2:35
  Because it's kind of like they pushed you away but they won't
• 2:38
  let you go. At the same time, you know, they
• 2:41
  you still belong to me regardless of that type of stuff
• 2:43
  right there. So narcissistic people, if you
• 2:46
  do leave them, do they can become hyper obsessive over you
• 2:52
  like the one that got away from the narcissistic person that
• 2:54
  they like, the the one that got away, the one that they care
• 2:57
  about the most, blah blah blah, whatever it is, they hyper focus
• 3:01
  on you. They can become obsessive over
• 3:03
  you. Even I I feel like this episode
• 3:06
  is going to have me saying a lot of stuff, like it's going to
• 3:08
  have me repeating the phrase it's going to sound crazy, but
• 3:11
  it's going to sound crazy. But even if they are with
• 3:13
  someone else, they can still be obsessed with someone in their
• 3:17
  past. They can still have it one that
• 3:19
  got away. Even if they are with someone
• 3:22
  else. There are, there are a, there
• 3:24
  are such things known as, you know, temporary supply, not only
• 3:29
  temporary supply but transitional supply as well.
• 3:33
  It's like, so there are people that they feel like narcissists
• 3:36
  don't like to be by themselves. So they, some of them will hop
• 3:38
  into relationship relationships with people that they don't
• 3:41
  really care about, hop into relationships with people that
• 3:43
  they they don't really want to be with.
• 3:45
  Right. So if I don't care about you and
• 3:47
  I don't necessarily want to be with you, I'm still hyper
• 3:49
  focused on my ex. But so at least I don't have to
• 3:51
  be by myself. I can build a family with
• 3:54
  someone I consider a temporary supply, but I can still also
• 3:57
  simultaneously be hyper focused on the one that got away.
• 4:01
  The the the the, the great, the great aist, the the great aist
• 4:05
  of supplies and whatnot. You know what I mean?
• 4:07
  But that's the mindset of a lot of narcissistic people right
• 4:10
  there. Y'all.
• 4:10
  That's the mindset that a lot of us have to face that a lot of
• 4:13
  you have to face, isn't it? So I'm just trying to let y'all
• 4:16
  know that, like if there's when you're dealing with a narcissist
• 4:18
  or types of person, there's a lot of things that you have to
• 4:21
  deal with, a lot of things that you're going to combat with.
• 4:24
  So if you are the one that got away, and I know, I know a lot
• 4:26
  of y'all feel like you, the one that got away because they're
• 4:28
  still hyper focused on you five years later.
• 4:31
  They're married with kids and they're still reaching out to
• 4:33
  you. They're still sending you
• 4:34
  pictures. They still try to stalk you on
• 4:35
  social media and things like that because they you got away,
• 4:39
  You got away. Congrats to you if you got away.
• 4:42
  And like to to those, let me say this, let me say this as well.
• 4:45
  When I say the one that got away, I don't always mean
• 4:47
  physically get away. You can get away from them
• 4:50
  emotionally as well because I know everybody can't leave.
• 4:52
  Everybody doesn't want to leave. You can get away from them
• 4:54
  emotionally as well because you can live in the same house and
• 4:57
  be emotionally disconnected from a person, right?
• 5:01
  I can live with you and still be emotionally disconnected from
• 5:04
  you at the same exact time. I know it sounds weird.
• 5:05
  I know it sounds ignorant, but it's a truth.
• 5:08
  You if you dealt with a narcissist, you've lived with a
• 5:10
  narcissist before. You know what?
• 5:11
  You understand exactly what I'm saying.
• 5:12
  I can be with you and still be emotionally disconnected from
• 5:15
  you. I could be around you and still
• 5:17
  be. I could be around you with you
• 5:20
  and we are just roommates. Like you can get away from me
• 5:23
  emotionally. And we're just like we still
• 5:25
  live together. We're still trying to raise kids
• 5:26
  together, we still paying bills together.
• 5:28
  We're still, we're still running businesses together so you can
• 5:31
  get away from them emotionally because you emotionally
• 5:33
  disconnected from them. And typically, a lot of times,
• 5:35
  y'all the narcissist, the person narcissist will emotionally
• 5:39
  disconnect from you first. So y'all, you get what I'm
• 5:42
  saying. So you have to, but you you can
• 5:44
  get away from them because I'm like, this is not me trying to
• 5:46
  hammer away at people who are still in the relationship.
• 5:48
  You know, this is not me trying to hammer away at y'all because
• 5:51
  I know everybody doesn't leave. I feel like that's a thing that
• 5:54
  a lot of people think my platform is dedicated to.
• 5:57
  You know, a lot of people think my platform is dedicated to me
• 6:02
  telling people to get away. I'm like, my platform is about
• 6:04
  raising awareness and under helping people understand and
• 6:07
  say, hey, look I'm raising this awareness for you so you can
• 6:11
  understand what you're going through and like if you decide
• 6:13
  to try to leave, here's you can you can make a plan to leave.
• 6:16
  You can make a plan to do things like that.
• 6:18
  So I want to empower people. My this is this.
• 6:21
  Yeah, this is a personal empowerment journey right here.
• 6:23
  I'm trying to empower people. You know.
• 6:27
  I know people Don't ask me, Lee. Well Lee, you're married.
• 6:29
  Do you have the one that got away.
• 6:31
  So when I first met my wife so this is, this is me being
• 6:34
  realistic. When I first met my wife and she
• 6:35
  knows this too. She she, she understands this
• 6:37
  like we've had we've had deep conversations about these these
• 6:40
  type of things. When I first met her, I was
• 6:43
  transitioning out of a toxic relationship with my possible my
• 6:46
  narcissistic ex myself. So I'm still kind of me and her
• 6:51
  had a horrible breaker. Me and my toxic ex, my toxic
• 6:53
  narcissistic ex, had a horrible breaker, right?
• 6:56
  Lying, cheating, all both sides of it.
• 6:58
  It was just horrible, right? But we were still, like, kind of
• 7:00
  obsessed with each other. So in the process of me trying
• 7:03
  to get over her, I met my wife and I fell for my wife.
• 7:06
  But I was still kind of obsessing over this other
• 7:08
  person. I was.
• 7:08
  I wasn't, like trying to reach out to anything like that, but I
• 7:10
  was still peeking at the social media and stuff like that.
• 7:12
  Things would still be affecting me.
• 7:14
  It was it was horrible. Yeah.
• 7:15
  I was pretty bad, you know? So I was still obsessed with
• 7:19
  that person and my I told I would tell my therapist about
• 7:21
  it. Me and my therapist would have a
• 7:22
  long conversation about me being obsessed with my ex and
• 7:24
  whatever. And you have to let that go.
• 7:27
  You can't fully give, you can't give your wife your all if you
• 7:30
  are still hyper focused on someone that somewhere from your
• 7:33
  past. So I focused on letting that go
• 7:36
  in, in therapy and my relationship, my past has gotten
• 7:39
  better because I don't have a one that got away.
• 7:41
  My wife is still with me. She's not like I had a one that
• 7:44
  got away, but then I released them.
• 7:46
  You know something. I released the thought of them.
• 7:48
  They got away. We didn't belong together.
• 7:50
  They didn't get away. We escaped each other.
• 7:52
  You see what I'm saying? We escaped each other.
• 7:54
  And I I found what I what I deserve.
• 7:57
  And I think she's married. She's newly married and got
• 7:59
  another another baby on her. So she found what she deserved.
• 8:02
  You see what I'm saying? But like I say, if you're
• 8:04
  dealing with a narcissistic person, this is not me telling
• 8:07
  you to leave. This is me just providing you
• 8:08
  the information. Because if you are not, if you
• 8:11
  are no longer dealing with them, right.
• 8:12
  If you have moved on and you have a family and they're still
• 8:15
  stalking you, they're still harassing you.
• 8:17
  Yeah, I know the police don't always help but foul.
• 8:20
  Yeah, you have to set boundaries, file reports, do
• 8:23
  things like that or they won't leave you alone even.
• 8:26
  And I know a lot of y'all understand this because even if
• 8:28
  they are in a relationship with someone else, they won't leave
• 8:31
  you alone. It's not.
• 8:32
  It doesn't mean that they will just let you go, let you free
• 8:35
  you, you know. It doesn't mean that they will
• 8:36
  free you and let you go, let you be, let you go, let you go
• 8:40
  anywhere. And This is why I'm trying to
• 8:42
  tell people like narcissistic people, they can, they can
• 8:45
  treasure you and value you. You can be their grade A supply,
• 8:49
  which is the term everybody else uses.
• 8:51
  And they will still be with somebody else and still try to
• 8:54
  hold on to you, still try to interfere with your life, still
• 8:57
  try to pop up on you at your job, at your, you know, still
• 9:00
  send you emails and cash apps and text messages from other
• 9:03
  numbers, you know, which this could be you.
• 9:06
  Like if you get married, that could have been us.
• 9:08
  I saw you got married today and it just makes me think about the
• 9:11
  family we could have had together, blah blah blah.
• 9:13
  They can still have. They can have a one that got
• 9:15
  away. They can.
• 9:18
  And if you feel like you're the one that got away, this is not
• 9:19
  me telling you to go back into a toxic relationship.
• 9:21
  Hell no. Well, Lee, are you saying that I
• 9:23
  should go back? Because I I I'm the one that got
• 9:25
  away and they value me the most. Just because they value you the
• 9:28
  most doesn't mean that they will treat you any better.
• 9:33
  I'll say that right there. I'll say it again.
• 9:34
  Just because they value you the most, just because you are grade
• 9:37
  A supply, just because you are the best that they will probably
• 9:40
  ever get or the best they ever had, doesn't mean that they will
• 9:45
  treat you any better if you go back to them consistent change
• 9:49
  behavior, what kind of guarantee can they, What guarantees do you
• 9:52
  have in place that this person is going to change their
• 9:54
  behaviors? What promises of what guarantees
• 9:57
  what fail says are in place? What protections do you have of
• 10:01
  of of faith in a whim, a dream, Hope in the dream?
• 10:05
  Hell no. When is that enough?
• 10:06
  When is hope in the dream enough?
• 10:08
  That hope in a dream. Trust in a toxic person to value
• 10:12
  you and treat you better is like, you know, it's like, yeah,
• 10:14
  it's terrible. It's it's a slow internal depth.
• 10:17
  You die inside, you know you die.
• 10:19
  You die slowly from the inside and it trickles to the outside.
• 10:23
  That's what happens in these spaces.
• 10:25
  That's what happens within these dynamics.
• 10:26
  That's what always This is one that is what's going to keep
• 10:31
  happening. If you are, if you feel like
• 10:34
  you're the one that got away, stay away.
• 10:36
  Why would you go back into a toxic relationship with no, with
• 10:38
  with nothing in in in order to protect you, to to keep you safe
• 10:43
  emotionally and physically. Because sometimes if you're the
• 10:46
  one that got away and you go back into it, you might not make
• 10:49
  it back out. Let me keep it real when I say
• 10:51
  that if you got away and you go back, you might not get away
• 10:54
  again. Yeah, I know everybody.
• 10:57
  I know everybody want to go to heaven.
• 10:58
  I know everybody want to go to heaven.
• 11:00
  But you want to live. You want to live here as long as
• 11:01
  you can. You see what I'm saying was Kane
• 11:03
  Brown got a song called Heaven. What?
• 11:05
  He said. Kane Brown got a song called
• 11:07
  Heaven. You know, you you go to go to
• 11:10
  heaven. It's heaven.
• 11:11
  Hey, heaven is great. But like, let me live, let me
• 11:14
  live a little bit first, you know, live, live.
• 11:17
  I just want y'all to live. I want y'all to value yourself.
• 11:19
  I want you to to feel as strong as you possibly can, you know,
• 11:23
  Because that's what life is all about.
• 11:24
  The longer you live that your kids deserve a better version of
• 11:27
  you. Your parents deserve, deserve a
• 11:29
  better version of you. You know you can't let you
• 11:31
  can't. You won't reach your full
• 11:33
  potential in a toxic relationship.
• 11:35
  I'll say it like that. Yeah, you will not reach your
• 11:37
  full potential while you're currently stuck in a toxic
• 11:39
  relationship. In a toxic situation.
• 11:42
  You know what I mean? But anyways, y'all thank you all
• 11:44
  for tuning into another episode. I truly appreciate every single
• 11:46
  one of y'all. Because as much as y'all say
• 11:48
  y'all learn from me, y'all say y'all learn, y'all do say y'all
• 11:50
  learn from me. I'll learn even more from you.
• 11:52
  Super thankful for you. Make sure you subscribe to the
• 11:54
  channel. Mental illness is out peace.
• 11:57
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:59
  You are a Mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 12:01
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 12:03
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 12:06
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 12:08
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 12:11
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 12:13
  fault on Amazon, so check that out.
• 12:15
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 12:17
  video. Peace.