Latest / You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women / 111. Why Thinking More Isn’t Helping

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111. Why Thinking More Isn’t Helping · You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women

• 0:08
  Hi, I'm Danny Tan, and if you are here, you are in the right
• 0:11
  place. Welcome to the Pivot and
• 0:12
  Promotion podcast where we say forget the rules because they
• 0:15
  weren't written for us. I'm Danny Tan, I'm your host as
• 0:18
  well as career and leadership coach and a proud advocate for
• 0:21
  redefining what success and leadership looks like.
• 0:24
  And here's what I know. You can lead at any level, you
• 0:26
  can pivot at any age, and you can make moves that feel right
• 0:30
  for you, whether you're climbing the perfect ladder, starting
• 0:32
  something completely new, or just figuring out your next
• 0:35
  step. I've got you covered with
• 0:36
  strategies, stories, and straight up inspiration.
• 0:39
  So let's make some moves. Hello, how are you And welcome
• 0:46
  in to the new year. I know that it is the January
• 0:51
  time, so there's so many different fields that go into
• 0:53
  the month of January. Feel like it is OK, this newness
• 0:58
  of what is it that I want to achieve in the next year.
• 1:00
  Also like some things you're parting with from the year
• 1:03
  prior, but then also there's sometimes a little bit of this
• 1:05
  pressure of like what I have to decide or what I need to do too.
• 1:08
  So I would just say like there is a happy medium between taking
• 1:11
  the action of what it is that you want to do and taking some
• 1:13
  restfulness as well. But as you're going this year,
• 1:17
  you're probably going to think a lot of thinking a lot about what
• 1:21
  it is that you've been wanting to do goals wise, what it is you
• 1:24
  want to do action wise, whether it is from starting a business,
• 1:28
  making a career move where you are currently within, internally
• 1:32
  in your organization or externally starting that new
• 1:34
  thing. And so if you feel as though you
• 1:37
  have been thinking and thinking and thinking about it over and
• 1:40
  over again, but maybe not taking that step forward towards it,
• 1:44
  we're going to talk a lot about today in today's session about
• 1:47
  why thinking more isn't helping. And so this is for you.
• 1:52
  If you keep thinking, you know, well, thinking is the
• 1:55
  responsible thing to do. Let me think of all the
• 1:58
  scenarios and that is what is going to help me.
• 2:01
  I want you to listen to this today.
• 2:04
  And it's it's really, it's not about thinking your way into the
• 2:07
  right decision, but more so, you know, being able to see when you
• 2:13
  have kind of used the tool of thinking for too long and it's
• 2:16
  time to bring something else in. So let's go ahead and talk about
• 2:19
  this. So if you were somebody who's
• 2:20
  been thinking about that business they've been wanting to
• 2:23
  start or you've been thinking about making that move or asking
• 2:25
  for that promotion or negotiating something like, I
• 2:28
  just want you to understand, like how long have you been
• 2:31
  thinking about it and when is it actually time to take action?
• 2:35
  A lot of the women that I work with, they either have been
• 2:39
  working in their 9:00 to 5:00 and they have been thinking
• 2:42
  about getting that promotion, that next step up, or they're
• 2:45
  ready to build something for themselves.
• 2:47
  And so a lot of them are like, I don't want to burn it all down.
• 2:49
  How can I build something while I'm currently in the org that I
• 2:51
  am? So like they want their full
• 2:53
  time job and they also want to build something for themselves
• 2:55
  to eventually go into full time. But they just keep thinking
• 2:58
  about like the perfect time, the perfect moment, the perfect
• 3:02
  business idea, the perfect way. And the thinking has just
• 3:05
  endlessly never stopped. And so, you know, really
• 3:09
  speaking to that or even making that change, that big move when
• 3:11
  it comes to your career, like the endless thinking of when
• 3:14
  will I have the right credentials?
• 3:15
  Will I have the right experience?
• 3:17
  If you could think your way endlessly through something, but
• 3:21
  let's talk about, you know, the different ways to kind of break
• 3:24
  this down South in true form. You will get some moments of
• 3:28
  reflection. You will get some tools that you
• 3:30
  can utilize and use that use the plans and we will break it down.
• 3:33
  So here's the first thing, why thinking stops helping at a
• 3:36
  certain point, OK? So early on when you are
• 3:40
  thinking about either starting a business, getting a promotion,
• 3:43
  changing careers, right, stepping into leadership in a
• 3:47
  bigger way, thinking is super useful, right?
• 3:49
  It helps you understand your options.
• 3:51
  It helps you assess your risk. It helps you understand the
• 3:53
  trade-offs on what's you potentially want to go into.
• 3:57
  But there's a point where you have you have gathered enough
• 4:01
  information, you have replayed the scenarios, the same
• 4:04
  scenarios in your mind over and over again and nothing new has
• 4:08
  emerged. And that is when thinking
• 4:10
  quietly turns into a loop. I talked about this a lot with
• 4:14
  my clients about, OK, we're sitting on a loop here.
• 4:17
  We're repeating, we're repeating, repeating, repeating
• 4:19
  the same thought or the same belief.
• 4:22
  And so is this something that's going to be helpful?
• 4:24
  And so I had one client who kept repeating this loop over and
• 4:27
  over again about this, this fear, this fear about going into
• 4:34
  her business. She know she wanted to build a
• 4:36
  business. So she basically she got
• 4:38
  promoted within her career. She got, she got promoted within
• 4:42
  her 9:00 to 5:00. So she got a leadership position
• 4:44
  and then she's like, OK, I know at the end of the day, long
• 4:47
  term, I want to build something for myself.
• 4:49
  And so she wanted to build that business and she had been
• 4:51
  thinking about it for like years and years.
• 4:53
  And I'm also, I, I share this a lot about myself.
• 4:55
  I thought about building a business 2018.
• 4:57
  I didn't start till 2022-2023. And so if you are still thinking
• 5:04
  about the same loop and you're trying to think your way to get
• 5:07
  all the little details and bits and bobs to feel good about it,
• 5:12
  then you are probably getting yourself a little bit stuck.
• 5:15
  So for her, she was getting stuck because now before it was
• 5:19
  a very clear path of like working together, how to get a
• 5:22
  promotion, how to get into a leadership position.
• 5:23
  We worked through that. But she kept sitting on this
• 5:26
  idea of building a business for herself and building something
• 5:28
  for herself. And so with that, I said to her,
• 5:32
  you know, now we have to look at this at a different angle
• 5:34
  because you are not missing any insight of when is the right
• 5:37
  time to do this or how is the right way to do this.
• 5:40
  Who's the right person to help or was the the mission that you
• 5:43
  should be doing like there is no additional insight missing.
• 5:45
  What you have to do now is actually take an action towards
• 5:48
  it and action for it. A lot of us sometimes will say I
• 5:51
  need to have the perfect name for my LLC or have to have the
• 5:54
  perfect name for my services, have to have the perfect package
• 5:57
  of my services and the perfect pricing and the perfect things
• 6:00
  that I'm offering in the perfect ideal, the client, the perfect
• 6:03
  idea for marketing. But the reality is you have to
• 6:05
  just start to make movement. And so I just want this to kind
• 6:09
  of land in the sense of thinking is a tool.
• 6:13
  It is not meant to carry the weight of the entire decision,
• 6:17
  right? It's you can't just think you're
• 6:19
  always to a decision also to take action towards that.
• 6:22
  So my reflection prompt for you and the thing that I want you to
• 6:25
  think about is what question are you still thinking about?
• 6:29
  Even though no new answers are coming up, you keep thinking
• 6:32
  about this one thing. You're like, oh, OK, OK.
• 6:34
  I keep thinking about when am I going to start my business?
• 6:37
  When I'm going to ask for that promotion?
• 6:38
  When am I going to, you know, negotiate my salary?
• 6:42
  When am I going to go ahead and and do that speaking engagement?
• 6:46
  When am I going to do these things?
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  But no new answers are coming up as to why you should or
• 6:50
  shouldn't. It's like the same stuff over
• 6:52
  and over again. Then it's time to, you know,
• 6:55
  have some movement. And so this is the next piece I
• 6:58
  want to talk about is how the cost, the cost of staying in
• 7:01
  your head, what is the cost of doing that?
• 7:03
  And so when thinking becomes the main and sole strategy, a few
• 7:08
  things start to happen. Slowly.
• 7:10
  You start to doubt decisions you used to trust yourself to make
• 7:14
  because that's the only tool you're allowing yourself to
• 7:17
  have. You start to mentally get
• 7:19
  really, really busy because you're just constantly looking
• 7:22
  at these little loops like little Saturn rings in your
• 7:25
  head. But you are still emotionally
• 7:28
  stuck because you feel like I want to do something, but you
• 7:30
  haven't done it because you're sitting on a loop, right?
• 7:33
  And so now you're starting to delay action, which then starts
• 7:35
  to come up as maybe frustration or you start to feel like you're
• 7:40
  indecisive or you're starting to feel like, oh, I flip flop.
• 7:43
  But the reality is that you actually have not gone in with
• 7:46
  intention after what you want to get to do.
• 7:48
  And so you're delaying it. And so I want to use this
• 7:52
  exercise that I like to use with my clients just called like the
• 7:54
  thinking loop. So this thinking loop helps you
• 7:57
  kind of do like a little gut check.
• 7:59
  And the idea of it is when you're on a loop, how can you
• 8:02
  check yourself essentially? And so here are the three
• 8:06
  questions I want you to ask yourself and to sit with is #1
• 8:10
  have I already thought about this exact question before?
• 8:13
  So what I'm questioning on this loop, have I thought about the
• 8:16
  same question before #2 has any new information actually changed
• 8:21
  anything? OK, Has any new information
• 8:24
  actually changed anything? And #3 am I thinking to get
• 8:27
  clarity or am I, or am I avoiding discomfort, Right.
• 8:31
  And so here is a client example. I had a client who she was stuck
• 8:37
  on this loop. She was like my I just, I don't
• 8:39
  think my business is going to be a real business.
• 8:42
  I don't feel like I've had enough sales in my business.
• 8:44
  I don't think it's real. And I said, OK, so you thought
• 8:48
  about this question and how many times you thought about before?
• 8:50
  Oh, you've that's all you've been thinking about.
• 8:51
  Great. Has any new information actually
• 8:53
  changed anything? Have you brought any new
• 8:55
  information in? Has it actually changed that
• 8:57
  belief? OK, OK, no, right.
• 8:59
  So are you thinking you're way to get clarity in the sense of
• 9:04
  your business actually doesn't work?
• 9:05
  Are you avoiding discomfort of actually facing and doing the
• 9:08
  work of understanding if your business is working or not?
• 9:11
  And So what you did you realize like, OK, well, actually by
• 9:13
  thinking this repeatedly, my business doesn't work, my
• 9:15
  business doesn't create revenue and realizing that I haven't
• 9:18
  changed anything actually it's not helping me get more clarity.
• 9:21
  Just sitting on the Sloop. I'm actually just avoiding
• 9:25
  facing the fact that I haven't sat down and done diagnostic of
• 9:28
  what is working versus not working and backing up with
• 9:30
  data, which we know I love data and receipts.
• 9:33
  And so you know, what is that at the expense of?
• 9:35
  That's the expense of yourself, right?
• 9:38
  The cost of staying in your head is actually creating more
• 9:42
  inaction towards helping yourself, which is honestly just
• 9:45
  self fulfilling prophecy of saying that it's not working.
• 9:48
  And so just thinking about that for yourself and what you can
• 9:51
  do. It's the same thing when you're
• 9:52
  thinking about asking for a promotion or stepping into
• 9:55
  leadership. If you think, well, I'm not
• 9:58
  ready yet or well there, I don't think I had all the requirements
• 10:01
  yet. OK, so you keep thinking about
• 10:03
  that, but have you got any new information that actually would
• 10:06
  change that? So for example, have you asked a
• 10:09
  manager? Have you asked a higher up of
• 10:11
  what is required for that to happen?
• 10:13
  And if the answer is like, no, I haven't got any new information
• 10:15
  to change anything. OK.
• 10:16
  So then if you keep thinking about this, is it helping you
• 10:18
  get clearer or are you avoiding the discomfort of getting
• 10:21
  information by asking the people who can help you understand what
• 10:24
  is required for you to get promoted, Right?
• 10:26
  And so this is the thing that they want you to think about.
• 10:28
  It's like we're not shaming the loop.
• 10:30
  The loop is there for a reason. The loop is there to kind of
• 10:32
  help you understand what it is that maybe you're having
• 10:36
  discomfort towards. But I just want you to know when
• 10:38
  you're kind of starting to live in it.
• 10:40
  Like there's one thing to like hang out on a loop, maybe visit
• 10:43
  a loop. But if you start to build like a
• 10:45
  home or like a multi multi level apartment complex, I want you to
• 10:49
  start to deconstruct because we don't have to live there.
• 10:52
  And I think that's the biggest thing.
• 10:54
  And so the question that I have for you to kind of reflection is
• 10:57
  where has thinking become a substitute for action?
• 11:01
  So when you think for yourself, OK, where am I kind of sitting
• 11:03
  on a loop, we've been overthinking, how has that maybe
• 11:06
  potentially become a substitute for action for you?
• 11:10
  And then the next piece that I wanted to talk about is how to
• 11:12
  move when thinking stalls. And so this is not about forcing
• 11:16
  action. It is about changing the space
• 11:19
  that you're in, the container that you're in.
• 11:21
  And so let's go ahead and break that.
• 11:23
  So going into it, the next piece that I would say is Part 3 is
• 11:28
  how to move when thinking stalls.
• 11:30
  And so thinking, I mean like how to move when thinking stalls.
• 11:34
  Now this isn't about let me force action.
• 11:36
  Let me not, you know, think about things, but it's about 1
• 11:40
  understanding you have identified that you are sitting
• 11:42
  in a loop and you are overthinking me potentially
• 11:44
  something. And so versus feeling like
• 11:47
  you're forcing action, I want you think about how you're
• 11:50
  changing the environment or you're changing the space,
• 11:53
  you're changing the container on how you're approaching it.
• 11:55
  So versus having it sit in your mind repeatedly on a loop, the
• 12:00
  first step, this is step one I want you to do is I want you to
• 12:03
  name the decision outside of your head.
• 12:04
  So what is this decision or thought and write it down.
• 12:08
  So say it out loud, write it down and let it exist somewhere
• 12:11
  other than your thoughts. That is the first piece.
• 12:14
  The next piece is I want you to like narrow down the decision.
• 12:17
  So I want you to understand and shrink the, the weight that you
• 12:21
  are giving this decision, the weights that you're giving this
• 12:23
  thought and to know that this thought or this decision, you're
• 12:27
  not choosing forever. It's not meant to be forever.
• 12:31
  You're choosing an outcome or excuse me, a decision as a test
• 12:36
  direction and a next step. So let's say you're sitting in a
• 12:39
  loop of should I start my business?
• 12:41
  Should I start my business versus it sitting in your head,
• 12:44
  write it down, Should I start my business?
• 12:47
  And then I want you to say it out loud and then I want you to
• 12:50
  think about versus it being like should I start my business?
• 12:52
  That sounds like a very decision that is forever.
• 12:55
  I want you to say, OK, how could I test this?
• 12:57
  How could I take a step towards this?
• 13:00
  Maybe that is for you, You know, looking for folks who could be
• 13:04
  potential ideal clients you can just have informational
• 13:06
  interviews with. How can you test it out?
• 13:09
  And then the third part is acting before clarity arrives.
• 13:13
  And so clarity is not a prerequisite, it is the results.
• 13:17
  And so this is the biggest thing is like by taking this one step
• 13:21
  forward, it's actually going to give you some more clarity.
• 13:23
  So for example, I had a client who was like, OK, I just am not
• 13:27
  sure, you know, who my ideal client is.
• 13:30
  I'm not 100% sure. And she was like, I just don't
• 13:33
  know. I'm not, I'm not clear.
• 13:34
  OK, So write it down. And then I want you to think
• 13:36
  about how picking your ideal client, it sounds to be one
• 13:39
  person that you have forever. It is the starting point of who
• 13:43
  you believe your ideal client is and how it will change and
• 13:46
  evolve as you continue to serve people.
• 13:48
  You'll see who you want to help first, who you don't want to
• 13:50
  help, and then it'll evolve. And that's totally OK.
• 13:53
  And so when we did that, it really had this huge, big, big
• 13:56
  part of relief for her because then she realized, oh, wait a
• 13:59
  minute, I don't have to pick like the perfect person out the
• 14:01
  gate and then build everything around them.
• 14:04
  I can pick like my starting point of who I believe it is,
• 14:06
  and then it can evolve as it goes.
• 14:08
  And that is a way that you can go and take that.
• 14:10
  And the point is, is that you want to act before clarity
• 14:13
  arrives. By acting, it's allowing for
• 14:16
  clarity arrive because you're taking action, which are to give
• 14:19
  you good data and information to read of what it is you like
• 14:23
  versus what you don't like. And that's what's most
• 14:24
  important. So I want you to think about is
• 14:27
  what is what action that you can take this week that will
• 14:31
  interrupt this loop that maybe you're potentially repeating for
• 14:34
  yourself. And so those are the three
• 14:35
  steps. Name, I just want to say how to
• 14:37
  move when thinking is kind of holding you back, installing you
• 14:40
  and you have to like kind of change it up for yourself is
• 14:42
  name the decision outside of your head.
• 14:43
  Say it out loud, write it down that exists somewhere outside of
• 14:46
  your thoughts. Don't give the decision so much
• 14:48
  weight, right? Know that it's not the future
• 14:50
  forever. So you are choosing a way to
• 14:53
  test or take a direction towards or next step and then act take
• 14:57
  some kind of action towards it And what would it look to
• 14:59
  interrupt that thought loop over and over again?
• 15:02
  Awesome. So just to break this down, this
• 15:05
  was why I'm thinking more isn't always helpful in so many ways,
• 15:10
  right? We have to take action towards
• 15:11
  it and why there's a point where the using the tool of thinking
• 15:15
  actually stops being helpful at a certain point once you start
• 15:17
  to live in a loop and keep repeating it.
• 15:19
  And So what is the cost of staying in your head?
• 15:21
  It's delaying you, it's stopping you.
• 15:23
  Everything about that same thing for the next few years.
• 15:26
  Yeah, I have clients who come to me who are like, oh, I've been
• 15:28
  thinking about this for months. I don't think about this for
• 15:29
  multiple years. You don't want to be a multiple
• 15:31
  year person because you want to go ahead and take action and do
• 15:34
  something different and make a change.
• 15:35
  That's why you've been thinking about it so much.
• 15:37
  I always say if it's something that has, it's been sitting on
• 15:39
  your mind for so long, it's not going to go away.
• 15:43
  It's going to keep resurfacing in different ways.
• 15:45
  But you're like, I'm tired of my business, I'm tired of my job,
• 15:49
  I'm tired of this. And so help yourself by going
• 15:53
  ahead and tackling and taking it on head first, which is what we
• 15:56
  do in coaching. That's what I do with my clients
• 15:58
  in private coaching when it comes to that.
• 16:03
  My clients are extremely smart, are very, very capable.
• 16:07
  They have the To Do List, they have the spreadsheets, they have
• 16:09
  the accolades. That's not what it's about.
• 16:11
  It's about the fact that they are starting to face something
• 16:13
  new that they have not done quite before.
• 16:16
  Whether that is stepping into a higher level of leadership they
• 16:18
  haven't been in before, whether that is building a brand new
• 16:21
  business, whether that is being able to speak on stages for
• 16:24
  themselves, whatever that might be for them.
• 16:27
  They're taking this new step and highly ambitious, motivated
• 16:32
  women know that if you want to make those things happen for you
• 16:36
  faster, you don't sit by yourself alone and try to figure
• 16:39
  it out. When you're trying to take an
• 16:39
  action that is new, you get help and you get support and you have
• 16:43
  a coach that's here to help you. Does not mean that you're not
• 16:45
  capable of willing. That's what we do.
• 16:47
  And so working together and coaching work together for three
• 16:49
  months, three months and we meet bi weekly.
• 16:52
  We get in touch. I always say you have me on
• 16:54
  retainer for life essentially in a way, because for three months
• 16:57
  we're together. We meet together bi weekly on
• 16:59
  calls. You come in, you take an intake
• 17:01
  form, the onboarding form, ask you all these amazing questions,
• 17:04
  we set your goals, I give you a customized coaching plan, and
• 17:06
  then we have you tackle those action items at the end of each
• 17:10
  call before we meet for the next one.
• 17:11
  And I'm constantly assessing where you need support and help.
• 17:14
  It's so much fun. I absolutely love it.
• 17:16
  And then in between sessions, you also have Slack where you
• 17:19
  can ask me questions, drop me voice notes, drop me documents
• 17:22
  to review. I'm constantly reviewing, you
• 17:24
  know, clients documents when it comes to a business proposal,
• 17:28
  when it comes to networking strategies, when it comes to
• 17:30
  revising copy on their website, when it comes to building their
• 17:33
  website, when it comes to their resumes, their cover letters.
• 17:35
  And so we have a blast. Yeah.
• 17:39
  So if that sounds like something you're looking to do and you
• 17:42
  want to work together this year, I say let's get started because
• 17:45
  we are bringing in so much good energy going into 2026, and
• 17:48
  there's no reason for you to stop.
• 17:49
  And so the best way to work together is to book a call with
• 17:53
  me. You go to my website,
• 17:54
  dannytan.com, DANDANIA, n.com and you go to contact.
• 18:00
  You can book a call with me. We will get on a call.
• 18:02
  You're going to submit your intake form.
• 18:03
  You're going to go ahead and talk about what your challenges
• 18:06
  are, what you're looking to work on together.
• 18:08
  And then on the call, I'm going to give you a customized
• 18:10
  coaching plan, a recommendation of what it's like to work
• 18:12
  together. And I'll let you know if it's a
• 18:14
  fit or not. And same with you.
• 18:15
  You should always go ahead and vet your coach.
• 18:17
  Listen to their podcast. If they have, we'll look at the
• 18:20
  resources, their tools before you work them.
• 18:22
  So you feel good about it as well.
• 18:23
  Well, I'm not something that's really important with my
• 18:25
  clients. I don't see as everyone that I
• 18:27
  work with and that's OK too, just because I want to make sure
• 18:30
  it's a good fit for both of us and I think that's really
• 18:32
  important. So alrighty.
• 18:33
  Well, hopefully you found this helpful and I will talk to you
• 18:37
  next week. Have a good one.