Latest / Beyond the Arc: Reflections on Resilience, Identity, & Life Podcast / When an Olympian Stops Keeping Score

Transcript

When an Olympian Stops Keeping Score · Beyond the Arc: Reflections on Resilience, Identity, & Life Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Beyond the Arc.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Amy Gamble.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I've spent a good portion of my life competing, from college basketball to the Olympic Games.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Striving to be better was practically second nature to me.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: But here's something I hadn't really considered until recently.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: What happens when that competitive spirit follows you into something you do simply
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: because you love it?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: For me, that something is writing.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Somewhere along the way,
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I realized I was measuring my success by standards that had very little to do with
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: the joy I found in putting words on a page.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Today's essay is called, When an Olympian Stops Keeping Score.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's about competition,
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: creativity,
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: and learning that sometimes the greatest victory is giving yourself permission
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: to enjoy what you're doing.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And believe me, for an old Olympian, that's quite a lesson to learn.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my essay.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I spent most of my life competing.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: You don't become an Olympian without developing a rather intimate relationship
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: with winning, losing, and striving to be better.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: What I didn't realize was that decades after my athletic career ended, I was still competing.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Only this time, the competition was interfering with something I loved, writing.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's something ingrained in the mind, body, and spirit when you're a competitor.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter what level you competed at or what you competed in.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Once you have that competitive spirit, you always have it.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I ever fully realized the depth of my own competitive nature.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's just say it was a minor detail about myself
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: that I never spent much time thinking about.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Being a competitor doesn't necessarily mean we spend all our time figuring out how
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: to beat someone else.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: In fact,
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: the best competitors realize that winning has more to do with ourselves than it does
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: with anyone else.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: But somewhere along the way,
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: the desire to improve can become tangled up with the need to prove something.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard it said the comparison is the death of joy.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's really so true.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Take a stroll through social media and see how other people are living their lives,
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: whether it's the truth or some carefully edited version of it.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it's easy to begin questioning the validity of our own lives.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why didn't I think of that?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Why haven't I traveled there?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why did I have to experience so many challenges when other people seem to have it so easy?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Or you can simply scroll through, dish out a few likes or comments, and move on with your day.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: No comparison, no pity party, just to focus on the present moment and where you are today.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: After spending so much time in self-reflection,
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: I've come to realize that the whole idea of striving
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: for something can get completely out of whack.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Striving inherently isn't a bad thing.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to improve your craft,
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: develop your skills, or strengthen your financial position, you need goals.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: You need to apply some level of discipline.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: But things get twisted when we allow the pursuit of a goal to determine whether
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: or not we give ourselves permission to be happy.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: When I get to a certain number of subscribers, then I'll be a legitimate writer.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: If I get a traditional publishing deal, then I'll consider myself a real author.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: If enough people read what I write, then maybe I'll finally believe I'm good at it.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's always another milestone waiting somewhere down the road.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: What I've learned over the past few years is
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: that my competitive drive was pushing me so hard that I sometimes forgot
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: to enjoy what I was doing.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot to appreciate the simple act of sitting down at my computer
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And putting words on a page.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that wasn't always easy.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I spent much of my life learning how to win.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm learning how to enjoy what I'm doing, whether I win or not.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: What makes me a writer isn't whether I have an agent,
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: a publishing contract, or industry-wide praise for my work.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a writer because I write.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I recognize that everything I put on the page isn't going to be beautiful prose.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Not every essay will go viral,
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: find its way into a literary magazine, Or resonate with hundreds of readers.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: But none of those things answers the question I was asking myself in the first place.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Am I really a writer?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I am.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Things get a bit twisted when we try to do something we love at the pace
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: or according to the standards of someone else.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think examples are helpful.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: We can learn from people who have mastered their craft.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: We can study techniques, experiment with different approaches, And become better at what we do.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, we can be no one other than ourselves.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Take this essay, for example.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Some would say I'm doing way more telling than showing.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: In writing language,
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: that means I'm not using the five senses to help you experience what I'm feeling,
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: seeing, hearing, or remembering.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're probably right.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes I simply want to share my thoughts.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: My thoughts aren't always dominated by the beautiful glowing yellow sunshine rising
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: over the horizon.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm just sitting at my computer trying to figure out how I feel
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: about something,
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: or what I think about a particular circumstance,
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: or maybe I'm discovering something about myself that I hadn't quite understood
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: before.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the writing itself is how I figure things out.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love writing scenes that transport readers into a particular moment.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I enjoy discovering the right words to describe an experience.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe learning the craft of writing has tremendous value.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't believe every thought worth sharing has to be wrapped in beautiful literary prose.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes a conversation is enough.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I've also come to realize that I may never be a widely known or critically acclaimed writer.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm okay with that.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not dismissing my skills or talents,
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: nor am I suggesting that I shouldn't continue improving.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I've simply decided that I don't want someone else's definition of success
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: to determine how I feel about my own work.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: If I sit down on my computer to put my thoughts on a page,
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not thinking about how I can manipulate an algorithm to attract
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: the greatest number of readers.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not searching for some controversial subject that will manufacture outrage
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: and send people racing to the comments section.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Quite honestly, that doesn't interest me.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm far more satisfied when I feel as though I've written something
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: That might make one person think.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: If more than one person is touched by something I've been willing to share, that's wonderful.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if something I write reaches thousands of people,
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: well, I'm certainly not going to complain about that.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: I still enjoy seeing something I've created find its way into the world.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I still get excited when people respond to my stories.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And yes,
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: there's probably always going to be a little part of me that wants
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: to see how far something can go.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't spend a lifetime competing and suddenly wake up without a competitive bone
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: in your body.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a difference between celebrating an accomplishment and needing
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: that accomplishment to validate your existence.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's the distinction I'm finally beginning to understand.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: If I want to enjoy the act of writing, I have to throw away the arbitrary measuring stick.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I have to put my competitive instincts in check and allow my mind the freedom
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: to explore whatever happens to be on it.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: At this stage in my life,
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: I prefer freedom over worrying about whether someone else thinks I'm good
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: at something.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And freedom is perhaps worth more to me than any external validation I could receive.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make me a rebel?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Probably.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because choosing not to conform,
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: fall in line,
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: or follow what other people have deemed the proper pathway to success,
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: in its own way, is going against the grain.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I can't guarantee you're always going
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: to get beautiful scenes Perfectly crafted prose or something particularly literary
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: when you read Beyond the Arc.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I can guarantee you're going to get a real, authentic voice that's my own.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not writing for algorithms, agents, or publishers.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm writing for you, my readers.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if you take one small thing from something I've written and it helps you, I'm thrilled.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Writing is one gift I'd like to keep pure.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the way I do that is by staying As close to myself as what I believe
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: as possible,
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: without allowing metrics, views, likes, comments, or shares to determine its worth.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean I've stopped caring about excellence.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: It means I'm learning that excellence and external recognition aren't the same thing.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the greatest victory isn't always about writing.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe sometimes it's about finding enough joy in what you're doing
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: that you no longer need to keep score.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's a new mindset for an old Olympian.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I kind of like it that way.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'll ever completely lose my competitive spirit,
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: and frankly, I don't want to.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's helped me accomplish some pretty remarkable things in my life.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm discovering there's a difference between striving to be better
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: and constantly feeling like you have something to prove.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's one of the gifts of getting older.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: We begin to understand that our worth isn't measured
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: by how many people applaud Amy Gamble,
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: How many goals we accomplish or how we stack up against someone else.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the real victory is simply enjoying the life we're living and
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: the things we love doing.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Amy Gamble, Thank you for spending a little time with me today on Beyond the Arc.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Amy Gamble, and I'm grateful you're here.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And as an added bonus, Mr. Kitty says hello.