Latest / Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice / Why embracing traditions and revisiting childhood games could boost your back up plan

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Why embracing traditions and revisiting childhood games could boost your back up plan · Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice

• 0:00
  Speaker: Honestly, I hate it.
• 0:03
  Speaker: I think it's disgusting.
• 0:06
  Speaker: I mean, I can remember the lyrics to
• 0:09
  Speaker: a song that I used to listen to
• 0:13
  Speaker: all the time back in high school, so
• 0:16
  Speaker: it has been quite some years since I've
• 0:19
  Speaker: heard that song.
• 0:21
  Speaker: I know all the lyrics.
• 0:22
  Speaker: But ask me something like, oh yeah, what's
• 0:26
  Speaker: your niece's birthday or your nephew's birthday?
• 0:36
  Speaker: I think it's in the month of...
• 0:42
  Speaker: it's not just birthdays.
• 0:45
  Speaker: To be fair, I don't remember phone numbers.
• 0:49
  Speaker: I have trouble remembering my phone number.
• 0:52
  Speaker: Now, I have more than one phone number
• 0:54
  Speaker: because I have more than one business.
• 0:57
  Speaker: But if you ask me, if I was
• 1:00
  Speaker: stranded on the side of the road and
• 1:03
  Speaker: my phone was dead and someone kindly stopped
• 1:07
  Speaker: and said, hey, you can use my phone
• 1:09
  Speaker: to call someone for help, I would not
• 1:13
  Speaker: know the phone number of a family member
• 1:17
  Speaker: to call because just haven't bothered to memorize
• 1:22
  Speaker: phone numbers anymore.
• 1:24
  Speaker: And wasn't that something we learned as a
• 1:25
  Speaker: kid?
• 1:26
  Speaker: Like when I was a kid, it was
• 1:28
  Speaker: okay.
• 1:30
  Speaker: Now, what's your phone number?
• 1:32
  Speaker: What's your address?
• 1:33
  Speaker: If you're lost, what do you say?
• 1:35
  Speaker: And now I'm like, stranded and I don't
• 1:42
  Speaker: know the phone number.
• 1:43
  Speaker: I don't know the phone number.
• 1:46
  Speaker: I have had friends where I'm like, ooh,
• 1:48
  Speaker: what's that person's last name again?
• 1:51
  Speaker: Hmm.
• 1:53
  Speaker: Is that horrible?
• 1:55
  Speaker: Is it old age?
• 1:56
  Speaker: Is it technology to blame?
• 1:59
  Speaker: I don't know what it is, but we
• 2:02
  Speaker: about to talk about it.
• 2:03
  Speaker: What's up everybody?
• 2:05
  Speaker: This is Rae from Get Real Rae, a
• 2:07
  Speaker: space and place for life and business tip
• 2:10
  Speaker: to hopefully inspire you on your journey or
• 2:13
  Speaker: at the very least provide you with some
• 2:15
  Speaker: laughs.
• 2:16
  Speaker: And now let's get real.
• 2:19
  Speaker: Craving real advice.
• 2:21
  Speaker: Tired of feeling like every other small business
• 2:23
  Speaker: owner or solopreneur is raking in the dough
• 2:26
  Speaker: while you just seem to be raking.
• 2:28
  Speaker: Secretly looking for a reminder that starting your
• 2:31
  Speaker: own business is not as glamorous as others
• 2:34
  Speaker: make it look.
• 2:35
  Speaker: Whether you're looking to change the game in
• 2:37
  Speaker: your relationships at home or at the workplace,
• 2:40
  Speaker: you've come to the right place.
• 2:42
  Speaker: My name is Rae.
• 2:43
  Speaker: I went from corporate America to running my
• 2:45
  Speaker: own small business to becoming a solopreneur.
• 2:47
  Speaker: I'm a professional actor and dare we say
• 2:50
  Speaker: a professional busybody because this body is about
• 2:54
  Speaker: to be busy all up in your biz.
• 2:56
  Speaker: So let's get real.
• 2:57
  Speaker: Okay.
• 2:58
  Speaker: So I cannot be the only one who
• 3:01
  Speaker: does not know their phone number or the
• 3:04
  Speaker: phone number of a close friend.
• 3:06
  Speaker: Um, at one point I tried memorizing one
• 3:08
  Speaker: of my credit card numbers, but then the
• 3:09
  Speaker: credit card number changed.
• 3:11
  Speaker: And so that was, that kind of went
• 3:12
  Speaker: out the window.
• 3:14
  Speaker: I don't think this is good.
• 3:15
  Speaker: I don't think this is healthy.
• 3:17
  Speaker: I remember talking to someone on Cambly and
• 3:22
  Speaker: we were talking about this idea of what
• 3:26
  Speaker: if we all lost power?
• 3:29
  Speaker: Well, the internet was going to like go
• 3:32
  Speaker: away.
• 3:33
  Speaker: It's just like, what are we going to
• 3:34
  Speaker: do?
• 3:35
  Speaker: We don't have internet.
• 3:36
  Speaker: And so now Cambly, I'm supposed to be
• 3:39
  Speaker: focusing on English conversation and just building English
• 3:44
  Speaker: language skills.
• 3:45
  Speaker: And she wanted to talk about, you know,
• 3:48
  Speaker: what if we lost the internet?
• 3:49
  Speaker: And then it became, well, what if we
• 3:51
  Speaker: all lost electricity and how are we going
• 3:53
  Speaker: to survive?
• 3:54
  Speaker: And her, and her world, she's like, we're
• 3:56
  Speaker: not lasting more than like a couple of
• 3:57
  Speaker: days.
• 3:57
  Speaker: And then my world, I was like, no,
• 3:59
  Speaker: we'll be fine.
• 4:00
  Speaker: You know, always have a backup plan.
• 4:01
  Speaker: And then after that conversation, I went onto
• 4:03
  Speaker: Amazon and I Googled solar power generator.
• 4:09
  Speaker: Backup plan.
• 4:10
  Speaker: Okay.
• 4:11
  Speaker: So to be fair, power outages happened.
• 4:15
  Speaker: When I last had a power outage, I
• 4:17
  Speaker: drove to the nearest town with a little
• 4:20
  Speaker: wifi hotspot and I was able to get
• 4:23
  Speaker: online that way and continue to work.
• 4:26
  Speaker: Being that I do work remotely, it was
• 4:29
  Speaker: really important that I was able to still
• 4:31
  Speaker: get to work because my business is my
• 4:34
  Speaker: income.
• 4:34
  Speaker: And if I'm not working, I'm not getting
• 4:36
  Speaker: paid.
• 4:37
  Speaker: Now I do have a backup plan for
• 4:39
  Speaker: that, but it takes some time for these
• 4:41
  Speaker: backup plans to kick into effect.
• 4:43
  Speaker: Right?
• 4:43
  Speaker: So, and emergencies don't always wait for our
• 4:48
  Speaker: backup plans to be fully ready.
• 4:51
  Speaker: Life, it happens like that.
• 4:54
  Speaker: Now, when it comes to not having any
• 4:59
  Speaker: power around for miles, well, I remember there
• 5:03
  Speaker: was this big blackout in New York city
• 5:04
  Speaker: and, uh, the first night restaurants had candles
• 5:10
  Speaker: on the table and people were dining and
• 5:13
  Speaker: it was, it was summertime.
• 5:14
  Speaker: So people were fine sitting outdoors and eating
• 5:16
  Speaker: by candlelight.
• 5:17
  Speaker: It was all very cool and romantic.
• 5:19
  Speaker: The next day, people were getting a little
• 5:20
  Speaker: desperate.
• 5:22
  Speaker: Um, the businesses that did great, the brick
• 5:25
  Speaker: oven pizza parlors, because they could open during
• 5:28
  Speaker: the daytime, they had cheese already in the
• 5:34
  Speaker: fridge.
• 5:34
  Speaker: So as long as you didn't open the
• 5:35
  Speaker: fridge too many times, the cheese is not
• 5:37
  Speaker: going to spoil.
• 5:39
  Speaker: They had to use up all that cheese
• 5:40
  Speaker: as fast as possible.
• 5:41
  Speaker: Anyway, I do wonder like how much of
• 5:44
  Speaker: that cheese really did need to be refrigerated.
• 5:47
  Speaker: Hmm.
• 5:48
  Speaker: Uh, dough is flour water, pretty much salt
• 5:52
  Speaker: in there and they didn't need electricity to
• 5:55
  Speaker: run the ovens.
• 5:56
  Speaker: So yeah, those pizza parlors, they were good
• 5:58
  Speaker: to go and they made bank.
• 6:01
  Speaker: Uh, lots of families were walking out with
• 6:03
  Speaker: tons of pizza pies.
• 6:05
  Speaker: Now in the United States, there has been
• 6:08
  Speaker: this great push towards using, um, cashless payments.
• 6:13
  Speaker: So, uh, swipe your card or tap the
• 6:18
  Speaker: app and all the things, right?
• 6:20
  Speaker: Um, wave your wrist or watch or eyeball.
• 6:24
  Speaker: I don't even know anymore.
• 6:25
  Speaker: There's so many different ways you can pay
• 6:26
  Speaker: now.
• 6:26
  Speaker: It's getting a little crazy, a little creepy,
• 6:29
  Speaker: but with that being said, without electricity, well,
• 6:35
  Speaker: how would these businesses nowadays be able to
• 6:40
  Speaker: still generate income?
• 6:42
  Speaker: Cause if you are completely cashless business and
• 6:46
  Speaker: maybe you've got those pizzas ready to go,
• 6:49
  Speaker: you've got food to sell, but you can't
• 6:50
  Speaker: take payment.
• 6:51
  Speaker: What are you going to do?
• 6:52
  Speaker: Do you just close up shop?
• 6:55
  Speaker: Now I am someone who does like to
• 6:57
  Speaker: keep just a very small account of cash
• 6:59
  Speaker: just in case of those emergencies when everything
• 7:02
  Speaker: goes out and I can't swipe and all
• 7:05
  Speaker: that stuff.
• 7:05
  Speaker: What am I going to do?
• 7:06
  Speaker: If I have no food and the part
• 7:09
  Speaker: of the backup plan is to have food.
• 7:10
  Speaker: But anyway, the point is the backup plan
• 7:13
  Speaker: and not being able to remember things.
• 7:17
  Speaker: So memorizing just a little bit of key,
• 7:21
  Speaker: crucial information is part of a really good
• 7:25
  Speaker: backup plan and apparently a suck at it.
• 7:28
  Speaker: I really need to prioritize this.
• 7:30
  Speaker: Are you prioritizing memorizing just a few bits
• 7:33
  Speaker: of key, crucial information so that in the
• 7:37
  Speaker: event of an emergency, your backup plan can
• 7:40
  Speaker: kick into effect?
• 7:42
  Speaker: Do you know the phone number of at
• 7:44
  Speaker: least one family member?
• 7:46
  Speaker: How about two?
• 7:47
  Speaker: I used to know the phone number of
• 7:49
  Speaker: at least two or three people just memorize,
• 7:51
  Speaker: but that was also the process when you
• 7:53
  Speaker: actually had to push the buttons and dial
• 7:56
  Speaker: the phone number.
• 7:57
  Speaker: That was a thing.
• 7:58
  Speaker: Now I could push one button that says
• 8:00
  Speaker: mom, cat, granny G, right?
• 8:05
  Speaker: You push the button, the call is made
• 8:08
  Speaker: for you.
• 8:09
  Speaker: So that's definitely an area where I feel
• 8:13
  Speaker: I need to take action and improve things.
• 8:17
  Speaker: In 2024, I need to memorize at least
• 8:20
  Speaker: two phone numbers.
• 8:21
  Speaker: That just has to happen.
• 8:22
  Speaker: Now, whether or not I need to memorize
• 8:24
  Speaker: a credit card is another story, but maybe
• 8:27
  Speaker: that's important too.
• 8:29
  Speaker: Memorizing phone numbers, memorizing credit cards.
• 8:32
  Speaker: And when I also think of memory and
• 8:34
  Speaker: the fact that I can remember some songs
• 8:36
  Speaker: that I haven't listened to in years and
• 8:38
  Speaker: years and years, like the lyrics and saying
• 8:40
  Speaker: them, the way the melody works, just all
• 8:43
  Speaker: these beautiful elements of these intricate bits of
• 8:46
  Speaker: art.
• 8:47
  Speaker: I also find myself taking a moment to
• 8:50
  Speaker: think about in general, what are some things
• 8:53
  Speaker: that I used to practice?
• 8:54
  Speaker: I loved practicing and I no longer practice.
• 8:58
  Speaker: And why is it that I no longer
• 8:59
  Speaker: practice these things?
• 9:01
  Speaker: So I don't know about you, but in
• 9:04
  Speaker: my family, we used to have Sunday dinner
• 9:08
  Speaker: where other family members would come over.
• 9:10
  Speaker: We would all sit at a big table
• 9:12
  Speaker: and we would eat together.
• 9:16
  Speaker: It was a really nice, warm feeling.
• 9:20
  Speaker: Now, we didn't like everybody who came to
• 9:24
  Speaker: Sunday dinner.
• 9:25
  Speaker: I'm not going to lie about that.
• 9:27
  Speaker: And that's probably part of the reason why
• 9:29
  Speaker: Sunday dinner stopped because like that person, they
• 9:33
  Speaker: trouble every time they come over to trouble.
• 9:35
  Speaker: So when I reflect on, well, why did
• 9:38
  Speaker: I stop?
• 9:39
  Speaker: Why did we stop doing that?
• 9:40
  Speaker: I know reasons why.
• 9:42
  Speaker: Also partly moving and changes in relationships.
• 9:48
  Speaker: Even the act of sitting down and eating
• 9:51
  Speaker: together and talking while eating was something I
• 9:54
  Speaker: truly cherished as a young person.
• 9:58
  Speaker: When I was in my teenage years, I
• 10:00
  Speaker: didn't quite get it.
• 10:02
  Speaker: I was like, I'm totally fine eating in
• 10:06
  Speaker: front of the TV, not talking to anybody
• 10:07
  Speaker: or eating in my room, playing games.
• 10:10
  Speaker: And my family didn't have a problem with
• 10:13
  Speaker: that.
• 10:14
  Speaker: But it wasn't until I found myself in
• 10:19
  Speaker: a relationship and I found myself kind of
• 10:23
  Speaker: not loving some parts of our communication.
• 10:26
  Speaker: And one of the things I didn't love
• 10:27
  Speaker: was this idea that we were going to
• 10:29
  Speaker: sit down to eat and not talk.
• 10:32
  Speaker: I thought, here we are.
• 10:34
  Speaker: We're both busy people.
• 10:35
  Speaker: We spend a lot of time away from
• 10:37
  Speaker: each other doing lots of other things.
• 10:40
  Speaker: And so isn't this a really good opportunity
• 10:41
  Speaker: for us to be able to focus on
• 10:44
  Speaker: each other and socialize?
• 10:45
  Speaker: So there was this rule in our household
• 10:47
  Speaker: where during dinner time, no cell phones.
• 10:52
  Speaker: And I expressed to my partner, it was
• 10:54
  Speaker: really important to me that we'd be able
• 10:55
  Speaker: to have conversations.
• 10:57
  Speaker: And at first, my partner was like, why?
• 10:59
  Speaker: Like, why would I do that?
• 11:02
  Speaker: I can talk to you anytime.
• 11:03
  Speaker: I'm like, well, not really.
• 11:04
  Speaker: When you think about the amount of time
• 11:05
  Speaker: that we're busy doing other things, this is
• 11:07
  Speaker: a dedicated time.
• 11:08
  Speaker: And I would like to spend that dedicated
• 11:10
  Speaker: time not worrying about my phone or poking
• 11:14
  Speaker: at my phone or worrying what you're looking
• 11:15
  Speaker: up on your phone.
• 11:17
  Speaker: That was a thing.
• 11:21
  Speaker: Because I can just go eat in my
• 11:22
  Speaker: room.
• 11:24
  Speaker: I cannot eat in your presence.
• 11:27
  Speaker: We aren't here to honor each other with
• 11:30
  Speaker: each other's presence.
• 11:31
  Speaker: We're eating food.
• 11:33
  Speaker: We're refueling.
• 11:35
  Speaker: And this is an opportunity to refuel emotionally
• 11:40
  Speaker: and socially.
• 11:41
  Speaker: So that was a big deal for me.
• 11:43
  Speaker: And you may not agree.
• 11:44
  Speaker: You may be like, no, when me and
• 11:46
  Speaker: my partner go out to eat at a
• 11:48
  Speaker: restaurant, we're both on our phones.
• 11:49
  Speaker: We're taking pictures of our food.
• 11:51
  Speaker: We're putting that on social media.
• 11:54
  Speaker: The more, the merrier, all the better.
• 11:56
  Speaker: But I also want you to think about,
• 11:59
  Speaker: if you're someone who doesn't have kids, think
• 12:02
  Speaker: about the families that you see at restaurants
• 12:05
  Speaker: where the parents are paying attention to the
• 12:08
  Speaker: kids and where the parents are on a
• 12:09
  Speaker: phone, right?
• 12:11
  Speaker: Usually younger children, they require more attention.
• 12:16
  Speaker: And so it's not uncommon to see parents
• 12:19
  Speaker: focus on helping that child with whatever they
• 12:21
  Speaker: need.
• 12:22
  Speaker: Like, Timmy, don't do that.
• 12:23
  Speaker: And oh gosh, you have food on your
• 12:25
  Speaker: face.
• 12:26
  Speaker: Like, kids need help, right?
• 12:28
  Speaker: And so there is that requirement to be
• 12:30
  Speaker: a little bit more focused on helping the
• 12:32
  Speaker: other person.
• 12:33
  Speaker: That's not a bad thing.
• 12:36
  Speaker: Focus on helping others.
• 12:39
  Speaker: Just saying, we all exist.
• 12:41
  Speaker: We could spend a little bit more time
• 12:43
  Speaker: focusing on helping one another.
• 12:45
  Speaker: It's not a bad thing.
• 12:47
  Speaker: And I remember how good it feels to
• 12:50
  Speaker: have someone focus on me the first day,
• 12:54
  Speaker: right?
• 12:55
  Speaker: Okay, so you go on that first date
• 12:57
  Speaker: and just this idea of, oh, this person
• 13:01
  Speaker: actually cares about something I'm saying.
• 13:02
  Speaker: This is super exciting for me.
• 13:04
  Speaker: And let me really focus in on what
• 13:06
  Speaker: they're saying.
• 13:07
  Speaker: Let me see if I can, I do
• 13:08
  Speaker: this.
• 13:09
  Speaker: I want to see if I can really
• 13:11
  Speaker: connect with something they're saying, use that to
• 13:13
  Speaker: expand the conversation, use that to learn more
• 13:16
  Speaker: about them.
• 13:17
  Speaker: Because if I can't connect to anything you're
• 13:20
  Speaker: saying now, what's it going to look like
• 13:22
  Speaker: 10 years from now, 20 years from now?
• 13:24
  Speaker: Like, just us honoring each other with our
• 13:26
  Speaker: presence?
• 13:28
  Speaker: I mean, if I'm only, you know, with
• 13:30
  Speaker: you because you look good, what about in
• 13:33
  Speaker: 10 years from now, 20 years from now,
• 13:34
  Speaker: when you don't look the same?
• 13:35
  Speaker: What about when I don't look the same?
• 13:37
  Speaker: So for me, I do value having these
• 13:41
  Speaker: social interactions where we can get to understand
• 13:45
  Speaker: one another and respect one another.
• 13:48
  Speaker: So when I look at behaviors that I
• 13:54
  Speaker: really cherish, the idea of eating and not
• 13:59
  Speaker: using a phone or a electronic device, I
• 14:03
  Speaker: was a bit disappointed when a family member
• 14:07
  Speaker: stayed with me.
• 14:09
  Speaker: And initially, they were able to eat with
• 14:12
  Speaker: me and not feel like they had to
• 14:14
  Speaker: watch something.
• 14:16
  Speaker: But after a couple, and we didn't eat
• 14:18
  Speaker: together often, to be fair.
• 14:22
  Speaker: They then went to wanting to eat in
• 14:25
  Speaker: their room most of the time, because then
• 14:27
  Speaker: they can be in front of their computer
• 14:28
  Speaker: and watch shows while eating, and the food
• 14:35
  Speaker: gets cold.
• 14:37
  Speaker: And it's there for hours.
• 14:40
  Speaker: And then after a while, when I was
• 14:44
  Speaker: able to convince them, you know, hey, let's,
• 14:47
  Speaker: would you like to eat together?
• 14:48
  Speaker: Is that okay?
• 14:49
  Speaker: Can we try eating together today?
• 14:51
  Speaker: And they were kind of like, sure, yeah.
• 14:55
  Speaker: But it would be, well, we have to
• 14:57
  Speaker: watch something while we eat.
• 15:00
  Speaker: And as much as I really appreciate spending
• 15:03
  Speaker: time with that person, I'm the type of
• 15:07
  Speaker: person when I watch something, I have to
• 15:08
  Speaker: really get involved in it.
• 15:09
  Speaker: I want to dedicate the time.
• 15:11
  Speaker: You know, when you go to the movie
• 15:12
  Speaker: theater, you don't like get up 10 times
• 15:14
  Speaker: during the movie, that's, that's me when I'm
• 15:16
  Speaker: at home watching something, I don't want to
• 15:17
  Speaker: get up 10 times, whatever I need, I
• 15:18
  Speaker: need to have it there.
• 15:19
  Speaker: So I didn't like this idea of like
• 15:22
  Speaker: getting up to go get extra servings of
• 15:24
  Speaker: food or get more water or something while
• 15:26
  Speaker: we're watching something.
• 15:28
  Speaker: And I also, I appreciated seeing their reaction
• 15:32
  Speaker: to the show.
• 15:33
  Speaker: That was really nice for me.
• 15:35
  Speaker: But I didn't appreciate the fact that I
• 15:39
  Speaker: felt like I kind of had to watch
• 15:41
  Speaker: something in order to be connected with this
• 15:45
  Speaker: person.
• 15:45
  Speaker: That wasn't fun for me.
• 15:48
  Speaker: Again, maybe that's something fun for you.
• 15:50
  Speaker: But for me, it just didn't work.
• 15:52
  Speaker: And it was another reminder that I really
• 15:56
  Speaker: value relationships where we don't have to have
• 16:02
  Speaker: another device in order to prompt connection.
• 16:08
  Speaker: And that got me thinking about holidays, and
• 16:13
  Speaker: how around holidays, I really like decorating a
• 16:18
  Speaker: tree.
• 16:19
  Speaker: I'm not a religious person, but I really
• 16:20
  Speaker: like decorating a tree.
• 16:22
  Speaker: And I like the idea of baking tons
• 16:25
  Speaker: of cookies.
• 16:26
  Speaker: Now, yes, another holiday is going by when
• 16:28
  Speaker: I did not bake a ton of cookies.
• 16:29
  Speaker: And I'm very frustrated with myself for that
• 16:31
  Speaker: partly was not really having the ingredients, because
• 16:35
  Speaker: you know, the money had to go to
• 16:36
  Speaker: pay for bills.
• 16:38
  Speaker: But I really do like that tradition.
• 16:41
  Speaker: And I remember when earlier in my life,
• 16:46
  Speaker: I would bake cookies for co workers and
• 16:50
  Speaker: say here, Happy Holidays.
• 16:51
  Speaker: Well, when you work for yourself from home,
• 16:53
  Speaker: you can't exactly bake cookies and like give
• 16:55
  Speaker: them to who am I giving them to
• 16:57
  Speaker: like no one in my house to give
• 17:00
  Speaker: these cookies to.
• 17:02
  Speaker: And to be fair, I don't want to
• 17:04
  Speaker: bake a lot of cookies, because I'm also
• 17:06
  Speaker: trying to be fix my eating habits and
• 17:10
  Speaker: whatnot.
• 17:11
  Speaker: And so I'm going to bake the cookies.
• 17:15
  Speaker: And I will probably bake some cookies after
• 17:17
  Speaker: this video.
• 17:17
  Speaker: I've been talking about them so much.
• 17:20
  Speaker: I got some really good healthy cookie recipes.
• 17:22
  Speaker: Maybe I will share one in the comments
• 17:25
  Speaker: on the YouTube.
• 17:25
  Speaker: Who knows.
• 17:27
  Speaker: But with that being said, when I was
• 17:30
  Speaker: younger, I remember as a teenager, baking cookies
• 17:33
  Speaker: for friends at school, because I didn't have
• 17:35
  Speaker: money to give gifts to all my friends.
• 17:36
  Speaker: But I was like, I want to give
• 17:37
  Speaker: a gift to everybody.
• 17:38
  Speaker: I'm gonna give you cookies.
• 17:42
  Speaker: And my mom, I remember my mom baking
• 17:44
  Speaker: cookies for people at for her friends.
• 17:48
  Speaker: I don't remember if it was like people
• 17:49
  Speaker: at her job.
• 17:49
  Speaker: I remember she definitely baked cookies for friends,
• 17:52
  Speaker: maybe for neighbors or something.
• 17:53
  Speaker: My mom like anytime she brought in cookies
• 17:57
  Speaker: or quiche muffins or whatever the holiday party,
• 18:00
  Speaker: right?
• 18:00
  Speaker: Oh, here's some cookies.
• 18:01
  Speaker: Here's some quiche muffins.
• 18:02
  Speaker: People were like, Oh, my mom was good
• 18:05
  Speaker: at that.
• 18:06
  Speaker: I'm just saying.
• 18:08
  Speaker: And I have such fond memories of these
• 18:11
  Speaker: things.
• 18:12
  Speaker: And so as wonderful as it is to
• 18:15
  Speaker: be able to click and order some cookies
• 18:18
  Speaker: to come straight to you, or click in,
• 18:22
  Speaker: order up a conversation online, there is something
• 18:25
  Speaker: really beautiful for me about the emotions that
• 18:31
  Speaker: develop around the simple acts of making cookies,
• 18:38
  Speaker: spending time having a conversation, just these things
• 18:44
  Speaker: that develop as traditions and rituals.
• 18:49
  Speaker: Now, for some people, when we just left
• 18:53
  Speaker: one New Year, now another New Year's coming
• 18:55
  Speaker: up, the New Year's coming up.
• 18:57
  Speaker: And I was talking to someone and one
• 18:59
  Speaker: tradition for her family is her mom, her
• 19:03
  Speaker: grandmother, and she they all go into the
• 19:06
  Speaker: kitchen, they make dumplings.
• 19:08
  Speaker: And then her brother and her father go
• 19:11
  Speaker: and set off firecrackers.
• 19:13
  Speaker: And one might look at that and say,
• 19:15
  Speaker: well, that's very sexist.
• 19:17
  Speaker: What on earth?
• 19:18
  Speaker: We're in 2024.
• 19:20
  Speaker: Why can't the girls go set off firecrackers?
• 19:22
  Speaker: And for that family, I'm sure they're not
• 19:24
  Speaker: thinking of it as well.
• 19:25
  Speaker: The women have to do this.
• 19:26
  Speaker: The men have to do that.
• 19:28
  Speaker: No, just by tradition.
• 19:30
  Speaker: One family member is good at making dumplings.
• 19:34
  Speaker: They show another family member.
• 19:35
  Speaker: They show another family member, you know, and
• 19:38
  Speaker: it's a bonding activity.
• 19:39
  Speaker: It has nothing to do with we're going
• 19:42
  Speaker: to have to do that and have to
• 19:43
  Speaker: do that has nothing to do with that.
• 19:45
  Speaker: It's just, this is something that we enjoy
• 19:47
  Speaker: doing.
• 19:47
  Speaker: And the woman who was sharing this with
• 19:49
  Speaker: me really enjoyed the experience of making dumplings
• 19:52
  Speaker: with her family members.
• 19:53
  Speaker: She didn't see it as something that was
• 19:55
  Speaker: obligatory or pressure or anything like that.
• 19:58
  Speaker: And when I think about the decorating the
• 20:03
  Speaker: tree, the making the cookies, the dinner conversations
• 20:08
  Speaker: without a device, these are all things that
• 20:12
  Speaker: I define as tradition within my family, my
• 20:17
  Speaker: home.
• 20:17
  Speaker: Now, who am I sharing these traditions with?
• 20:20
  Speaker: Well, I don't have a pet right now,
• 20:22
  Speaker: so I'm not exactly sharing them with other
• 20:25
  Speaker: people at this point in time, but that
• 20:29
  Speaker: doesn't mean I have to let them go
• 20:31
  Speaker: because they bring up really good memories for
• 20:35
  Speaker: me.
• 20:35
  Speaker: And I can still honor these traditions, just
• 20:39
  Speaker: maybe in a slightly different way.
• 20:41
  Speaker: One thing that I have been doing is
• 20:43
  Speaker: trying to get myself to not watch anything
• 20:46
  Speaker: while I'm eating.
• 20:48
  Speaker: And that means no taking notes, no poking
• 20:52
  Speaker: at my cell phone for a while.
• 20:54
  Speaker: I was doing my language app while I
• 20:56
  Speaker: was eating, but now not even doing that.
• 20:59
  Speaker: Instead, taking the time to enjoy my meal.
• 21:04
  Speaker: I've been doing this by practicing sitting in
• 21:06
  Speaker: silence and really focusing on the meal, what
• 21:08
  Speaker: they call mindfulness.
• 21:10
  Speaker: That bite was so delicious.
• 21:13
  Speaker: I like the texture, but I've also been
• 21:16
  Speaker: re-experimenting with introducing, listening to music while
• 21:21
  Speaker: I'm enjoying my meal.
• 21:23
  Speaker: One thing that I really enjoyed when I
• 21:26
  Speaker: was in a relationship was being able to
• 21:28
  Speaker: listen to music while we were eating.
• 21:30
  Speaker: So that was definitely a way for us
• 21:35
  Speaker: to not feel awkward in these moments of
• 21:39
  Speaker: silence and not feel pressured to always have
• 21:43
  Speaker: to say something.
• 21:44
  Speaker: And it also kind of reminded me of
• 21:45
  Speaker: like being at a restaurant because at a
• 21:48
  Speaker: restaurant, you're not supposed to have music playing.
• 21:50
  Speaker: There were limitations regarding the kind of music.
• 21:53
  Speaker: We had to have like this neutral zone,
• 21:56
  Speaker: but it allowed me to take a decade,
• 21:58
  Speaker: a part of my day to listen to
• 22:00
  Speaker: a type of music that I love, but
• 22:02
  Speaker: I wouldn't normally sit and just listen to.
• 22:05
  Speaker: That was a way for me to incorporate
• 22:08
  Speaker: something that I enjoyed.
• 22:10
  Speaker: And maybe there's a way you can incorporate
• 22:12
  Speaker: something that you enjoy that you wouldn't normally
• 22:15
  Speaker: do, but you remember, I really enjoy that.
• 22:18
  Speaker: I need to do that more.
• 22:19
  Speaker: I need to find a way to incorporate
• 22:20
  Speaker: that more into my world.
• 22:22
  Speaker: The same way, maybe you used to enjoy
• 22:26
  Speaker: knowing something by heart.
• 22:30
  Speaker: I used to take pride in knowing like
• 22:33
  Speaker: all 50 states, right?
• 22:34
  Speaker: When you're a kid, you take pride in
• 22:36
  Speaker: knowing all 50 states and capitals or when
• 22:39
  Speaker: you're a little kid, knowing your phone number.
• 22:43
  Speaker: So these things where we have these positive
• 22:48
  Speaker: feelings or had positive feelings about that accomplishment,
• 22:52
  Speaker: let's go back to making it a tradition,
• 22:56
  Speaker: a habit, a ritual to honor those moments
• 22:59
  Speaker: to keep them alive and don't just let
• 23:01
  Speaker: them be distant in the past.
• 23:04
  Speaker: Well, why does it really have to do
• 23:06
  Speaker: with having a tradition just so you have
• 23:08
  Speaker: a backup plan?
• 23:09
  Speaker: Well, no, not at all.
• 23:10
  Speaker: I mean, making dumplings with family members is
• 23:14
  Speaker: a wonderful tradition, but it's not necessarily a
• 23:17
  Speaker: backup plan for anything.
• 23:19
  Speaker: Is it a backup plan in case like
• 23:20
  Speaker: the fast food place can't deliver dumplings?
• 23:22
  Speaker: No, not at all.
• 23:23
  Speaker: But what I want to encourage you to
• 23:26
  Speaker: think about is the emotional connection you had
• 23:29
  Speaker: with these things, the emotional connection you had
• 23:31
  Speaker: with whatever it is that you were proud
• 23:35
  Speaker: of, whether or not it's related to that
• 23:37
  Speaker: backup plan, whatever it is that made you
• 23:41
  Speaker: feel happiness or brings up fond memories, regardless
• 23:47
  Speaker: of whether or not it makes sense to
• 23:50
  Speaker: implement it in the same form that you
• 23:53
  Speaker: previously had.
• 23:54
  Speaker: So it would not make sense for me
• 23:56
  Speaker: to have Sunday dinners with family.
• 23:58
  Speaker: I don't live anywhere near my family.
• 24:00
  Speaker: And to be honest, I don't really socialize
• 24:04
  Speaker: with a lot of family members.
• 24:05
  Speaker: Just we have different ways of living and
• 24:08
  Speaker: thriving and surviving.
• 24:10
  Speaker: And we have different food that we like.
• 24:13
  Speaker: So attempts at gathering together and enjoying a
• 24:16
  Speaker: meal together just have not been successful.
• 24:18
  Speaker: So we'll just be really awkward and weird
• 24:21
  Speaker: and not conducive to who we are as
• 24:25
  Speaker: individuals to proceed and try to make these
• 24:28
  Speaker: special meals happen.
• 24:30
  Speaker: Also, the distance of living here.
• 24:36
  Speaker: I remember talking with my mom, and she
• 24:40
  Speaker: was a little disappointed in the fact that
• 24:43
  Speaker: she chosen to live somewhere to be close
• 24:46
  Speaker: to family, and she feels that her family
• 24:48
  Speaker: isn't necessarily making any efforts to be close
• 24:50
  Speaker: to her.
• 24:51
  Speaker: And I get it.
• 24:52
  Speaker: I definitely get it.
• 24:54
  Speaker: And I thought, oh, how frustrating to be
• 24:57
  Speaker: in this situation where you do something for
• 25:00
  Speaker: someone and yet you don't really get the
• 25:02
  Speaker: response that you thought you would get.
• 25:04
  Speaker: And that has been a huge thing throughout
• 25:06
  Speaker: a lot of my relationships.
• 25:07
  Speaker: I'm doing something for someone with this idea
• 25:10
  Speaker: that I'm going to get something in return.
• 25:13
  Speaker: It might not look like the way I
• 25:15
  Speaker: want, but there'll be something.
• 25:18
  Speaker: But then it just seems to be so
• 25:21
  Speaker: disjointed in what I thought was happening and
• 25:24
  Speaker: what is happening.
• 25:26
  Speaker: And it brings back the reminder of when
• 25:28
  Speaker: we never should go into any kind of
• 25:30
  Speaker: relationship with the expectation of receiving something in
• 25:35
  Speaker: return.
• 25:37
  Speaker: And it also brings up this idea of,
• 25:39
  Speaker: well, is it okay to expect something in
• 25:41
  Speaker: return?
• 25:41
  Speaker: If I am nice to someone, it's okay
• 25:43
  Speaker: to expect for them to be nice to
• 25:46
  Speaker: me on some level back.
• 25:48
  Speaker: They don't have to show niceness in the
• 25:49
  Speaker: same way, but on some level, is it
• 25:51
  Speaker: okay for them to expect to them to
• 25:53
  Speaker: be...
• 25:54
  Speaker: But on some level, is it okay for
• 25:55
  Speaker: me to expect...
• 25:56
  Speaker: But on some level, is it okay for
• 26:00
  Speaker: me to expect some degree of polite response
• 26:04
  Speaker: from them?
• 26:05
  Speaker: And I think that's okay.
• 26:07
  Speaker: I think we should have expectations.
• 26:08
  Speaker: If we go around simply giving and expecting
• 26:12
  Speaker: the worst from everybody, then I think that
• 26:16
  Speaker: could be very problematic.
• 26:17
  Speaker: Or assuming that, oh, they may be nice,
• 26:21
  Speaker: they may be not nice, who cares?
• 26:23
  Speaker: I think that's very, very hard to do.
• 26:25
  Speaker: And I'm not so sure if that's the
• 26:29
  Speaker: best thing to do.
• 26:31
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 26:32
  Speaker: I would love to know what you think.
• 26:33
  Speaker: Let me know in the comments below.
• 26:35
  Speaker: Do you think it's more ideal for people
• 26:37
  Speaker: to move towards a position of having zero
• 26:40
  Speaker: investment in an outcome?
• 26:45
  Speaker: They may be nice, they may not be
• 26:46
  Speaker: nice.
• 26:48
  Speaker: On one hand, I say, well, yeah, you
• 26:50
  Speaker: shouldn't have any investment.
• 26:51
  Speaker: They may do a good job, they might
• 26:52
  Speaker: not do a good job, who cares?
• 26:54
  Speaker: On the other hand, as someone who runs
• 26:56
  Speaker: a business, I want my teammates, my contractors
• 26:59
  Speaker: to do a good job.
• 27:00
  Speaker: And I want them to enjoy working with
• 27:04
  Speaker: me.
• 27:05
  Speaker: Otherwise, I feel like it's not a healthy
• 27:09
  Speaker: relationship for either party.
• 27:11
  Speaker: And they're more likely to leave because they
• 27:14
  Speaker: don't enjoy what they're doing, or they don't
• 27:16
  Speaker: feel like they're getting enough of a reward.
• 27:19
  Speaker: Or they're just like, well, okay, I found
• 27:22
  Speaker: something that pays more money.
• 27:23
  Speaker: So I'm going to go because I would
• 27:26
  Speaker: much rather invest my time and energy helping
• 27:28
  Speaker: someone succeed in delivering what our business needs
• 27:33
  Speaker: and helping them make more money.
• 27:36
  Speaker: As our business makes more money, we all
• 27:37
  Speaker: grow together.
• 27:38
  Speaker: I would much rather nurture that relationship than
• 27:41
  Speaker: just invest my time in someone who's just
• 27:43
  Speaker: like, yeah, don't really care.
• 27:45
  Speaker: Just pay me.
• 27:46
  Speaker: That doesn't work for my business model, to
• 27:48
  Speaker: be fair.
• 27:49
  Speaker: Maybe if I was a much bigger company,
• 27:52
  Speaker: if I was like an Amazon, sure, that
• 27:53
  Speaker: would probably work just fine.
• 27:55
  Speaker: But it's a small business and that ain't
• 27:57
  Speaker: happening for me.
• 28:01
  Speaker: So I'm going to go with my initial
• 28:05
  Speaker: statement, which is it's not a bad thing
• 28:09
  Speaker: to have some kind of expectation.
• 28:12
  Speaker: And when we are looking to reintroduce or
• 28:17
  Speaker: maintain these rituals, traditions, um, moments of pride,
• 28:23
  Speaker: I think it's okay to modify our expectations
• 28:28
  Speaker: according to what we can give at that
• 28:32
  Speaker: moment.
• 28:32
  Speaker: So yeah, I can't have Sunday dinners with
• 28:34
  Speaker: my family, but I can make my Sunday
• 28:36
  Speaker: dinner special and meaningful.
• 28:38
  Speaker: I can take an opportunity to maybe call
• 28:42
  Speaker: a friend, um, before I have dinner, or
• 28:45
  Speaker: I can even set up like a FaceTime
• 28:49
  Speaker: Zoom tea time with a friend.
• 28:53
  Speaker: I think that sounds fabulous.
• 28:54
  Speaker: Oh my goodness.
• 28:55
  Speaker: I could set up like some kind of
• 28:57
  Speaker: little dedicated time where it's like, Hey, this
• 28:59
  Speaker: is our time.
• 29:00
  Speaker: We're going to, I have a friend who
• 29:02
  Speaker: really likes chocolate and I really like chocolate.
• 29:05
  Speaker: Um, and she and her husband have this
• 29:06
  Speaker: tradition of having chocolate, like a special chocolate
• 29:09
  Speaker: of their anniversary.
• 29:10
  Speaker: I could totally set aside once a month
• 29:13
  Speaker: where me and this friend have like 15,
• 29:15
  Speaker: 20 minutes where we're going to chat.
• 29:17
  Speaker: We can, um, see each other.
• 29:20
  Speaker: I kind of don't want to just do
• 29:21
  Speaker: phone because, um, if I'm eating, I don't
• 29:25
  Speaker: like the idea of chewing in someone else's
• 29:26
  Speaker: ear, but if we can see each other
• 29:28
  Speaker: and we both know we're having chocolate and
• 29:30
  Speaker: tea right now, or we're having cookies and
• 29:32
  Speaker: tea, then that might be a nice way
• 29:34
  Speaker: to have that kind of tradition of let's
• 29:37
  Speaker: interact.
• 29:38
  Speaker: Let's conversate.
• 29:40
  Speaker: Let's enjoy a meal while we're eating and
• 29:42
  Speaker: let's do each other a favor and remember
• 29:45
  Speaker: each other's phone number so that if there
• 29:46
  Speaker: is an apocalypse or you're stranded on this
• 29:50
  Speaker: side of the highway and you need to
• 29:51
  Speaker: call somebody, you can call that friend.
• 29:54
  Speaker: I'm thinking, yes, this might work.
• 29:56
  Speaker: This might work indeed.