Latest / The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids / How to Recognize Your Inner Child and Set Boundaries with Paula Smith

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How to Recognize Your Inner Child and Set Boundaries with Paula Smith · The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids

0:00
Paula: when you want to start growing, especially when you're healing and growing, it gets even more important that you're surrounded with right like can you be authentic?
0:13
Paula: I mean, if you can't be those things and you're trying to grow, it's just not going to work.
0:18
Paula: You know, yeah, and I was surrounded by a bunch of people that didn't support me growing.
0:25
Paula: They liked the unhealed version of me Wow.
0:31
Carrie: Was it they could control or it was predictable?
0:37
Paula: It was predictable and I mean I took care of everybody.
0:40
Paula: That was kind of my role and I was a people pleaser, so it was easy.
0:43
Paula: And all of a sudden I started having boundaries and stuff and it just you know, that's the thing is like all of a sudden I wanted, I started thinking like, is this reciprocal?
0:53
Paula: You know what I mean.
0:53
Paula: Am I over giving?
0:54
Paula: Because that's the other thing.
0:55
Paula: You know, we tend to over give.
0:58
Paula: We're programmed to think that.
0:59
Paula: You know we were lacking something in childhood so that we had to make up for something, or you know we weren't, we weren't enough.
1:07
Carrie: Wow, and placing boundaries.
1:10
Carrie: What does what did that look like for you?
1:12
Carrie: Welcome to Heart to Heart Parents.
1:15
Carrie: Let's connect with our kids and learn together.
1:17
Carrie: I'm Carrie.
1:18
Carrie: I was a former teacher and speech therapist.
1:21
Carrie: I'm also a parent of two spirited, gifted, highly sensitive kids.
1:25
Carrie: I was quickly brought to my knees as a parent when I thought that I would see a rosy lens version of parenting, just as they present on Instagram, but I quickly learned that's not real life.
1:37
Carrie: I will provide real life experiences and transform them into moments for connections and change for you to use in your house.
1:45
Carrie: Hi there, conscious parents.
1:46
Carrie: Before we start today's episode, it's Carrie here and I wanted to reach out to ask you guys for a quick favor as a follower of our show.
1:54
Carrie: We would love for you to give us a five-star rating and leave us a review.
1:59
Carrie: It can be just a few words, that's it, and it really goes a long way with us with the podcasting community on Apple or Spotify.
2:07
Carrie: So thanks so much for tuning in and I'm so excited for you to hear today's message.
2:12
Carrie: Happy listening, hi there, and welcome back to Heart to Heart Parents.
2:21
Carrie: I'm Carrie.
2:22
Carrie: I'm your friendly, intuitive mama here and I have a wonderful, sweet guest here, you guys get excited.
2:29
Carrie: I have my friend, paula Smith, who I have met with mindful adventure coaching on Instagram and we connected on Instagram and we were quick friends right away.
2:40
Carrie: She's been so supportive of me and I love her support and I love sharing how supportive she is and she's been on this growing journey as I have as well, and so we connected heart to heart in that Paula loves to.
2:56
Carrie: I'm going to tell this little piece about you, paula, because it's so fun.
2:59
Carrie: Paula loves to help people discover where their blocks are and replace negative patterns and beliefs with an empowered mindset.
3:07
Carrie: Thank you so much for being here, paula.
3:12
Paula: I'm really excited.
3:13
Paula: I've been excited all week about as we've been leading up to this, so thank you, I appreciate it.
3:18
Carrie: Yeah, so I was mentioning your growth.
3:22
Carrie: You've been on a little bit of a journey and then we met recently and we got to chat and talked a little bit about a journey that I was going through and you helped me to discover some pieces.
3:35
Carrie: I love talking about these pieces as a mom because I feel like I've been sharing on Instagram.
3:41
Carrie: I don't know if you've been following recently, paula, but I've mentioned that I've been doing some inner growth for myself and realizing that these pieces had been coming out in like an overbearing mama on my kids, and so, as you helped me, and recently Catherine, when I did that episode with her, it's just kind of like the two of you aligned in this magical form for me and it's been really amazing.
4:09
Paula: Yeah, no honestly, you're laughing on Instagram on that, on your self-reflection of how your, you know your childhood and your, your things are coming up and I think it's beautiful that you're sharing with everyone because I mean we all are doing that, we are all on this journey.
4:24
Paula: Well, we don't just finish're sharing with everyone because I mean we all are doing that.
4:24
Paula: We are all on this journey.
4:25
Paula: We don't just finish this healing you know what I mean Just because we have kids with anything.
4:31
Paula: That's when we really, you know, have to start looking at it, right, yeah, and you've been so vulnerable about it.
4:41
Paula: That's powerful.
4:42
Carrie: Yeah, yeah, it was such wonderful things to look at those pieces as a parent and I hadn't really realized that things that I had been holding back in my life were starting to kind of come up in different cycles and mine was having to deal with friendships for myself and just being insecure as a child and needing to kind of heal that for myself.
5:06
Carrie: But I didn't realize that I was starting to kind of push it on to my kids like, oh, we really need to get out there and make friends and and let me help you make friends, let me teach you these tools.
5:19
Carrie: And my kids are like I have friends, mom, I don't know why you're pushing this on me.
5:24
Carrie: That was really wonderful and I loved how connecting with you really helped me with that and finding those patterns.
5:33
Carrie: No, it's great.
5:35
Paula: I, you know we talk and then we haven't talked since it's still you, until you started posting those pieces on Instagram.
5:42
Paula: So it was really cool to see the reflections that you were having, because we didn't touch base after.
5:45
Paula: So it was really cool to see the reflections that you were having because we didn't touch base after.
5:47
Paula: So, you know, I didn't know how everything sat with you, so it's awesome, I love it.
5:52
Carrie: Yeah, yeah.
5:54
Carrie: So when you work with others, do you have any tips and how we can find, like the patterns that come up for us or anything any ideas on on that for anybody?
6:08
Paula: I think when, for one thing that's you know, being mindful and noticing patterns so that's the first part is seeing, you know, these things spring over and over again and then, just maybe you know, start looking back into your childhood.
6:24
Paula: That's the other thing, because it all, it's all about going back to that root and bringing that up.
6:30
Paula: You want to need figuring out where it's coming from.
6:34
Carrie: Once you have that awareness of where it's coming from, I'd find that really starts to shift people yeah, yeah, that makes sense, trying to figure out that root cause and it definitely, I feel like it definitely continues to come back if we don't, if we push it down and we don't work on it and bring it to light and live in those emotions, right.
6:57
Paula: Like that brought the emotions up.
6:59
Paula: That's the next piece I think Embodying, instead of turning away when we have those emotions, it's being brave and sit with them and seeing what they feel like, because what has happened is our whole life.
7:16
Paula: We have pushed down those things and that pattern's been going on.
7:19
Paula: So when we learn to stop and sit and feel, then now we're having both and now we're able to you know what I mean move on without being run by them, because they're sitting in our subconscious.
7:33
Carrie: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
7:49
Paula: So when you're working, with someone and you're in that path.
7:50
Paula: Have you ever had anybody that continues to not see it or doesn't want to work on it?
7:54
Paula: No, I haven't had that.
7:55
Paula: Anyone that has reached out has been ready.
8:08
Carrie: And that's my thing.
8:09
Carrie: I want to work with people that are ready.
8:09
Carrie: We can't force anybody.
8:10
Carrie: We can plant seeds.
8:10
Carrie: That's what we can.
8:11
Carrie: You know we can plant seeds.
8:11
Carrie: That's what we can do.
8:12
Carrie: Yeah, I love that you mentioned you had been going through some growth yourself too.
8:14
Carrie: Is that?
8:14
Carrie: I feel like a lot of people turn to you, know, tune in to listen to heart to heart parents or ask me questions too about what works with my kids and for me it.
8:25
Carrie: It's ever changing and it's always about growth and connecting.
8:29
Carrie: And I'm getting my feet wet.
8:31
Carrie: You told me to jump into the water.
8:32
Carrie: I loved that, but yeah, I feel like it's also personal growth and that's inspiring too.
8:40
Paula: I think we're always growing and that was my thing.
8:42
Paula: So what happened in my case was I got out of a toxic relationship and I thought that was one thing, but when I got out of it, I didn't see until I got out of it how many unhealthy people I had around me, because I had developed boundaries, I was a people pleaser, I had all these other things going on.
9:11
Carrie: And.
9:12
Paula: I have to think.
9:13
Paula: So that was where my my next real work came is I had to start distinguishing who I could keep in my life and who I couldn't, and that was that was huge for me, because I had to make some big decisions there, um, but I think one of the things is, when you want to start growing, especially when you're feeling and growing, it gets even more important that you're surrounded with right like can you think through which person right?
9:42
Paula: Can you be authentic?
9:44
Paula: I mean, if you can't be those things and you're trying to grow, it's just not gonna work.
9:49
Paula: You know, yeah, and I was surrounded by a bunch of people that then, you know, didn't support me growing.
9:56
Carrie: They liked the unhealed version of me wow, was it they could, they could control, or they it was predictable if they?
10:08
Paula: control.
10:08
Paula: It's predictable and I mean I took care of everybody.
10:11
Paula: That was kind of my role and I was a people pleaser, so I was easy and all of a sudden I started having boundaries and stuff and it just you know, that's the thing is like, all of a sudden, sudden I wanted, I started thinking like is this reciprocal?
10:24
Paula: You know what I mean.
10:24
Paula: Am I overgiving?
10:25
Paula: Because that's the other thing.
10:26
Paula: You know, we tend to overgive.
10:29
Paula: We're programmed to think that you know we were lacking something in childhood so that we had to make up for something, or you know we weren't, we weren't enough.
10:39
Carrie: And placing boundaries.
10:41
Carrie: What did that look like for you?
10:43
Carrie: I'm curious.
10:44
Carrie: I feel like boundaries is another hot word right now, right Like trauma is a big word.
10:50
Carrie: Inner child is a huge word.
10:54
Paula: Boundaries.
10:56
Paula: Yeah, that was hard for me, I'd never done it.
10:59
Paula: So it's just little by little.
11:01
Paula: I think you just have to start with the little ones and I think your higher self, your soul kind of guides you.
11:08
Paula: It guided me through that, like say someone would do something and maybe in real time I couldn't speak up and say hey, that doesn't fit me, that doesn't fit with me.
11:21
Paula: But after I would feel it in my body, knowing that I missed my opportunity to say something.
11:27
Paula: And as I kept growing it just got to where I got so uncomfortable I couldn't not say anything anymore, wow and so.
11:35
Paula: So then I had to start speaking my truth.
11:38
Paula: But all kind of all those little pieces speaking the truth being not that thick boundaries, all just kind of came together and I had to start doing it because I would.
11:47
Paula: I just started getting so uncomfortable with myself if I didn't.
11:50
Paula: So think of it.
11:51
Paula: Yeah, that was kind of how it evolved for me.
11:54
Paula: It wasn't even really like a decision.
11:56
Paula: It, I mean it was, was.
11:58
Paula: But once you kind of decide that you're open to those things, you know the universe brings you all kinds of challenges and said are you really ready to grow?
12:05
Paula: Are you really ready to be healthy.
12:07
Carrie: here I'm going to put this person in your life and we'll see how you do that yeah, I feel like once you ask for it and you're ready for it, the floodgates just kind of open.
12:18
Carrie: I've had that experience in a different form, but yeah, definitely hear you yeah, so yeah, I don't want that happening.
12:28
Paula: Yeah, um, so with my, my best friend was one of the hardest ones that I had to let go um beforehand.
12:40
Paula: I would have these little things kind of come in and I would know that it wasn't feeling very healthy or whatever, but I hadn't done enough inner work.
12:49
Paula: Yet I felt whole enough to put those boundaries up and risk losing her, because I had a feeling that if I spoke my truth and I put my boundaries, up and I started saying I wasn't comfortable with this, or having some conversations that she would not be happy with, and I knew that.
13:09
Paula: It's because when you're best friends with someone, you see how they react with other people.
13:13
Paula: When they're putting boundaries up right, you hear they come to you and they tell you about these kind of things.
13:17
Paula: And I got in a position as I grew where I just couldn't anymore.
13:22
Paula: I couldn couldn't handle it.
13:23
Paula: So I started trying to speak my truth and she didn't like it.
13:28
Paula: And just getting out of a relationship being gaveled by someone after I can't you know what I mean.
13:39
Paula: I have to have healthy people around me, and that's when I was like this isn't worth it.
13:47
Carrie: Yeah, help people around me.
13:47
Carrie: And that's when this I was like this isn't, this is not worth it.
13:49
Carrie: Yeah, I, I think that, um it.
13:49
Carrie: I was really lucky because I did go through some stuff similar or not similar but, um, a situation where I had people that I had said this is not gonna be a good situation for my life, I'm gonna move on to other friendships.
14:04
Carrie: And it just kept coming back to me.
14:06
Carrie: I kept seeing these people around.
14:07
Carrie: But you had helped me through in that you need to be okay with the people seeing you in the version that they see in their own minds.
14:18
Carrie: You can't fix it, you need to move on and it'll be okay.
14:23
Carrie: And I did have like a hard moment that was like shoved right in my face, like I turned around and there it was in my face and I couldn't escape.
14:31
Carrie: I was like what if I go over here, nope, back in my face again.
14:34
Carrie: And I kept in the same moment as I'm trying to usher my child around.
14:37
Carrie: But so I had a hard morning.
14:40
Carrie: But it was interesting because in that same exact day I was like you know, I'm going to sit in it, I'm not going to try to fix it, I'm going to try to just be calm and it is what it is right, it is what it is.
14:54
Carrie: I had made a decision early on and I stuck with it.
14:57
Carrie: And then in the same afternoon, I had some really, really great friendships that I had started and had helped me when I was sick a year or two ago, had really helped me and be there for me.
15:11
Carrie: My husband had said, when you were sick and those people came, like that's who your friends are, like that's real, that's heart to heart.
15:19
Carrie: And so I had those friends come to me that same afternoon.
15:23
Carrie: I was like, okay, thank you, universe for rewarding me, because my heart, even though I didn't, you know, fix it, my heart was still hurting.
15:32
Carrie: Even though I'm healing, my heart was hurting.
15:34
Carrie: And then I was rewarded and it was like wow, like this is what true friendship feels like and it was amazing.
15:41
Paula: so that's when I made those videos to thank you and Catherine, I feel like that is how it works with the universe too.
15:49
Paula: We know what I mean.
15:51
Paula: We have to let stuff go to make room for the know, the new.
15:54
Paula: We have to show that we have learned that lesson.
15:57
Paula: Yeah, and we don't always learn the lessons right away, you, you know what I mean, right?
16:04
Paula: Well, like, hearing isn't a straight line, it's not linear, right?
16:08
Paula: So I find for myself, I admit it, I've had to come back to certain things two or three times.
16:13
Paula: I mean, these were deep wounds that I, like, I know they're soul lessons that I had to learn.
16:18
Paula: But I had to come back to them a couple of times, and I don't see that as being a negative thing because I had to learn it in that depth.
16:30
Paula: I was learning layers of it, but I wasn't late, like you know, grasping the whole, the whole.
16:34
Paula: So I I look at it as maybe I'm a slow learner, but when I learn it, I learn it deeply.
16:45
Carrie: It's taken me so many times yeah, I think I think that makes sense.
16:50
Carrie: I it takes.
16:51
Carrie: It takes a few, almost it takes a few hits.
16:53
Carrie: Right, that saying it takes a few hits or knockdowns before you.
16:58
Carrie: You can sometimes bubble up because it takes a lot of courage to say enough or to end the situation right.
17:06
Paula: Yeah, you're very courageous now I'm just like universe I got it.
17:10
Paula: I don't need anymore, I've, I've got it this time yes, yes, I get it, and that's.
17:16
Carrie: I'm feeling the same way like I am learning.
17:18
Carrie: You don't need to send it anymore.
17:20
Carrie: I've broken the cycle, so let's not bring the cycle back so yeah, no, I.
17:30
Paula: I think it's powerful what you're doing, because I mean, like you're seeing what you're learning, you know what I mean.
17:36
Paula: You're breaking generational trauma.
17:38
Paula: You know what I mean.
17:39
Paula: You're, you're changing things yeah, it's true.
17:44
Carrie: I, I guess my mom used to always say when I would end up in situations, she would just say like, oh, we don't need them, walk away from it, and in a way that was right, right, like, walk away from it, just be done, whereas I was always like, oh, I need to fix it.
18:01
Carrie: I mean, my name is is Carrie, I guess it goes with care for everyone.
18:04
Carrie: I need to fix it, everybody needs to like me so yeah, I guess.
18:11
Paula: But it's interesting that a little bit different.
18:13
Paula: You know you can care.
18:15
Paula: That's the other thing.
18:16
Carrie: It doesn't mean you don't care yeah, it's true you can still care, but I love that, yeah, and it's it's, it's so powerful to to be able to see these pieces.
18:29
Carrie: I, yeah, recognizing these patterns and, yeah, hearing it and seeing it.
18:35
Carrie: And I love the way you you've told me several times, like, um, and I know it too.
18:41
Carrie: It's always such a reminder, right when you hear from somebody else it's like, oh yeah, you know it in your mind, but you can't acknowledge it in your mind.
18:50
Carrie: So then of course, paula says I'm like, oh yeah, that's great, um, just not going against the flow and not, you know, swimming upstream, going against the resistance.
19:00
Carrie: How does this feel in my heart?
19:03
Paula: I love that yeah, for me, I think a lot of it.
19:07
Paula: I was really disconnected from my body in the past, so it was just like tuning into my body.
19:12
Paula: Like I think in the past I'm sure for my whole life, up until now my body was probably screaming.
19:17
Paula: I don't know that's wrong, but I was dissociating so much from it that it took me a long time to be you know you say your heart, and I'm like my body, like you know what I mean.
19:28
Paula: I was kind of like OK, how do you feel?
19:31
Paula: Though Not in the mind, like how do you feel?
19:35
Carrie: Yeah, I designate.
19:36
Carrie: I always say heart to heart or hear your heart.
19:38
Carrie: That's how I started, like with the children.
19:40
Carrie: It was the easiest way started.
19:46
Carrie: Like with the children, it was the easiest way.
19:48
Carrie: Some people call it gut, some people say body, skin, right, how does your skin feel?
19:49
Carrie: And I ask my kids a lot how does your skin, how does how does your, does your skin feel itchy, does it feel fuzzy?
19:55
Carrie: Like you know, all of those adjectives are great ways to tune in for us doesn't always have to be heart.
20:02
Paula: I love that reminder and is it natural to that?
20:05
Paula: Like are they pretty asking those questions?
20:09
Carrie: they've really grown a lot in it.
20:11
Carrie: Um, ots have taught them.
20:13
Carrie: They have like a chart and they say and I love this because how many of us would be in a different lane of hearing our hearts if we could think about where our body is in our day.
20:26
Carrie: So we'll get to an OT and they'll they have a chart and you know, it shows all these different versions of how you could be feeling and it's not just like happy, sad, angry, it's like connected, empowered, calm and steady.
20:43
Carrie: It's all of these things.
20:45
Carrie: And I'm like wow, can you imagine where these kids are gonna be one day when they're adults?
20:49
Carrie: And they're like well, this relationship does not make me feel calm and steady today.
20:55
Paula: Well, that's the thing I wanted to ask you since you, you know, started looking at your friendships and your relationships different, since we, like, started talking and stuff, are you feeling more empowered, like?
21:07
Paula: Are you feeling more solid and?
21:11
Carrie: yeah, it's definitely.
21:12
Carrie: I agree that it's not.
21:14
Carrie: I think it's like you mentioned.
21:15
Carrie: It's it's not like an immediate right, like I'm ready.
21:20
Carrie: Um, it definitely has been like a little bit of a.
21:23
Carrie: It's like a roller coaster, because you still have those feelings and I am a deeply feeling human, I am a very sensitive person, so, um, but yeah, it does feel empowering and I I really appreciate when the universe rewards it and gives me like a little bit of a job.
21:40
Carrie: Well done, carrie, keep on your journey sprinkling some little.
21:44
Paula: I think almost like sometimes we're getting little breadcrumbs sprinkled.
21:47
Paula: You know what I mean.
21:48
Paula: Like here you go.
21:48
Paula: Yeah, you're in the right place.
21:53
Carrie: Yeah, I love that You've been having that like in your life.
21:59
Carrie: You have there's so many sprinkles coming your way and it's so amazing to watch yeah, it's, it's fun, I mean.
22:08
Paula: I think I mean that's part of the magic of things when we let go of the idea of and I think I've talked to you about this before thinking that something has to be one specific way, because I think if we get that idea in our head, we can miss out on what is actually for us.
22:24
Paula: You know what I mean.
22:25
Paula: So if we loosen the grips on things and get a flow, we can actually see, you know, I mean, what's in front of us yeah, yeah, for sure it's.
22:35
Carrie: It's definitely.
22:36
Carrie: It doesn't have to be black and white, it can be gray, for sure, and being able to notice all these different colors and hues in the rainbow yeah, yeah, I know that's a little bit what's been happening for me.
22:50
Paula: There's different approaches to things, so that would have to be exactly what I was thinking and the way that it's lighting up as I go towards it.
22:59
Paula: I'm definitely getting confirmation that I'm on the right path, for sure.
23:04
Carrie: Yeah, okay.
23:05
Carrie: So tell us, paula, if, when you tell somebody, yes, you've been doing a good job of hearing your heart, you've been getting your toes wet.
23:13
Carrie: You need to jump in the water, what do you think that means?
23:17
Carrie: Tell our listeners how do we jump in, we're ready how do we jump in?
23:29
Paula: we're ready.
23:29
Paula: How do we do it?
23:30
Paula: We just start stepping towards.
23:30
Paula: Sometimes it's stepping towards the comfort, if I know, if I understand the question that you're asking me yeah, and being brave and sometimes.
23:37
Paula: So that's why I think it's so important to have healthy people around.
23:40
Paula: You know what I mean.
23:41
Paula: Like we've got each other.
23:42
Paula: You know what I mean.
23:43
Paula: You could always say, hey, paula, you know we've talked about this, so that's why I think it is so important the relationships and the people we have around us.
23:51
Paula: That's something that I preach all the time you know, they, yeah, it's powerful.
23:57
Paula: So when you have that, it makes taking those steps into the deeper end and getting a little bit, you know, stepping further into it a little bit more comfortable.
24:07
Paula: Because, yeah, but yeah it, yeah, it's not being afraid to look, it's sitting and not turning away from the uncomfortable and letting whatever needs to come up come up and we don't always have to stay in it we can just, you know, do it and then come back and get comfortable as the other people you know, yeah, I love that.
24:37
Carrie: And um, yeah, taking a minute to reset.
24:40
Carrie: I love you've taught me.
24:42
Carrie: You've mentioned to me too, pivoting is a great one, like we talked about the resistant.
24:48
Carrie: If it was getting resistant, you can, can pivot, and that was really powerful too.
24:53
Carrie: I love that.
24:53
Carrie: And yeah, I think we both learned, like social media, sometimes we need to pivot a little bit social media.
25:10
Paula: That's something that a lot of people that I talk to in client social media comes up.
25:12
Paula: You know what I mean and it's I think that's why we really have to stay in our power and not get too affected by things, right, and I think I've chatted with you before you know.
25:20
Paula: You know, if we quit something out there, maybe it doesn't reach the amount of people that you know we want or whatever.
25:29
Paula: We really believe in putting that the jump there, how many people does it actually need to to make a difference?
25:35
Paula: I mean, if this is all about our purpose, right, and for me that's what it is, I'm sure that is with you too, right, it's the people that hear it and we don't know how it's going to ripple from that.
25:49
Carrie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think when we use it, use social media as a positive mindset and it's a platform, right, and it's a platform, it's a way to connect with others.
26:03
Carrie: It's how I met you, it's how I met several really amazing open-minded spiritual people out there and using it in a positive way, as a resource and, yeah, we can reach those.
26:17
Paula: The community is the favorite part for me.
26:19
Paula: Like that blew me away, because in my real life still growing and stuff I cut so many people out that I'm still kind of building my community again and I'm not in a hurry to like let everyone in, do you know what I mean?
26:34
Paula: I'm just kind of taking my time.
26:35
Paula: And so this, the Instagram community, is.
26:38
Paula: It's beautiful and it blows me away all the time with the connections and the people.
26:43
Paula: Yeah, yeah, I've had more support there than in my everyday life.
26:48
Paula: I can honestly say that easily.
26:51
Carrie: Yeah, 100%.
26:53
Carrie: I had a little bit of a rough week Just having the kids home adjusting to that, packing for a trip next week and then getting we think we were hit with a pretty bad bug this week a head bug and yeah, just being a busy mama with the podcasting the floodgates have opened, paula, it's amazing.
27:15
Carrie: So, yeah, just being hit and then just having our Instagram community to be like this was a hard week.
27:23
Carrie: But, yeah, they understand and they're still supportive.
27:27
Carrie: But yeah, they understand and they're still supportive.
27:29
Carrie: And yeah, it's really once we can find our vibe tribe like our collab group, it's amazing.
27:38
Carrie: And finding those real friends is a huge piece of helping us to reconnect with ourselves, people that support us so we can hear ourselves.
27:49
Carrie: And yeah, they're not afraid to say to pivot when you need to.
27:54
Paula: I know, and isn't that what we do, right?
27:56
Paula: There may be things that we know, but to have people that you and me can kind of be there to remind us and I think that's what it is they're able to remind us.
28:07
Carrie: Yeah, and also I love like there's so many modalities of connecting with our hearts and or our bodies, or our guts or intuitions.
28:18
Carrie: There's so many modalities and sometimes we forget them, like I forget about a movement version of meditation, because I've just it's so easy for me to just sit, do a little reiki, do a little um, like a chakra alignment, and meditate in the morning.
28:35
Carrie: That's what I usually do.
28:36
Carrie: Then you do different versions, everybody does different versions of meditation.
28:42
Carrie: What's your favorite modality?
28:45
Paula: it's tricky for me.
28:46
Paula: Movement is definitely part of it, and nature, when I'm moving and I'm out in nature, uh, it's so natural for me and I look back at it now and it was it's from my mouth what I naturally did, without knowing it right.
29:01
Paula: Or definitely meditation, whether it was being it was what shifted everything, like it gave me the self-awareness, it gave me the capability to stop reacting so that I could kind of like start responding or talking when I needed to.
29:22
Paula: And then, yeah, so meditation, like just you know, sitting, yeah, maybe a music playing.
29:33
Paula: When I started out out guided meditations was what I did.
29:35
Paula: Um, I still like them sometimes, like you know what I mean.
29:38
Paula: I'll still go to them for certain things.
29:40
Carrie: But I think it's great the guided meditations are.
29:45
Carrie: You know, I feel like a lot of people are really into the active meditation, but I think like, if you're not able to learn how to calm your mind, to like once, you can kind of get that piece with the guided meditation.
30:00
Carrie: This is what my how my husband was, where he needed the guiding once he could figure that out, then I feel the act of meditation is so powerful.
30:10
Carrie: Um, but yeah, when I was younger, my grandmother always preached meditation and I never.
30:16
Carrie: I always thought it was like sitting with all your thoughts and listening to your thoughts.
30:21
Carrie: Probably the opposite.
30:24
Paula: There it is opposite so when did you actually start?
30:29
Paula: Like how long ago.
30:32
Carrie: Well, so I tried to do it when I was like in my early 20s, but you just get so absorbed into academics.
30:39
Carrie: And so when I was pregnant with my son, my husband and I I don't remember what the reason was, but we decided okay, we have this seven steps of meditation tips, and so, as soon as I became pregnant, each night we would do a different step.
30:56
Carrie: And so we would go through that step every night.
30:59
Carrie: Look at us, we're so.
31:00
Carrie: I know, the two of us.
31:01
Carrie: We were really lucky.
31:02
Paula: we found each other, that is so cool and you're so lucky, because do you know what I mean?
31:08
Paula: That's like that's mind-blowing, that's that's crazy.
31:12
Carrie: I know we really um, we really are lucky that we have each other to kind of challenge each other, to support each other.
31:21
Carrie: I mean we do challenge in our, in our sense of like, well, you're really in your mind right now and sometimes I'll just be really supporting my husband.
31:30
Carrie: He's like, okay, that's enough support.
31:32
Carrie: Like you're really hitting me with it right now.
31:34
Carrie: I'm like, oh sorry, I thought you really wanted it.
31:37
Carrie: But yeah, so we started doing these meditative pieces when I was pregnant with my son and it was really cool because I didn't realize later on, looking back, I would get into my mind a lot.
31:53
Carrie: I always thought, oh, I'm such a calm person, but in my head I was going through these cycles, especially with all the emotions and everything being pregnant.
32:02
Carrie: So look what I did without even realizing it.
32:05
Carrie: We were drawn to it.
32:06
Carrie: And then, during my labor, I had this amazing experience.
32:12
Carrie: My mom and dad were there and I had the epidural.
32:17
Carrie: It was kind of a hard situation.
32:19
Carrie: I had wanted to go naturally, but I didn't know at that time.
32:22
Carrie: I didn't know how to deal with the pain and we weren't given enough tools.
32:27
Carrie: We did this labor and delivery class with the hospital, which did not teach us anything, it just like gave us so many fears of what could happen, like this could happen, oh my gosh.
32:39
Carrie: So, yeah, my husband and I were so nervous and so I got, I had to give into the epidural.
32:45
Carrie: At that point I didn't have any way.
32:47
Carrie: I felt like I was fighting the pain.
32:49
Carrie: That's how I dealt with it when I was 30 years old Fight the pain.
32:54
Carrie: And so my husband, my body was shaking after the epidural.
33:00
Carrie: It was just this shaky feeling and my husband was like, let's meditate.
33:06
Carrie: And my mom was there and she's very spiritual too.
33:08
Carrie: She's helped raise me spiritually.
33:08
Carrie: And so she said let's meditate.
33:09
Carrie: And my mom was there and she's very spiritual too, she's helped raise me spiritually.
33:11
Carrie: And so she said let's meditate.
33:13
Carrie: And so the three of us were meditating and you could just watch the shaking just stop and it was just calm.
33:20
Carrie: My whole entire body would just get calm and then something a nurse would come in.
33:24
Carrie: You know we have to talk, whatever.
33:25
Carrie: I start shaking again We'd meditate and it would just stop again.
33:38
Carrie: My dad said he's from Montana, so he was not raised with the spiritual version that my mom raised me with, being with Argentine background, and he said it really made him a believer.
33:44
Carrie: I could see what it did to your system.
33:47
Carrie: And it was just this calm situation.
33:50
Carrie: And yeah, my buddy, he wanted to come right out right away.
33:55
Carrie: Then the doctor wasn't even there and they were like hold him in.
33:58
Carrie: So I had to hold him in.
33:59
Carrie: But yeah, that calmness, right, it's just when you can see what it does for your system.
34:05
Carrie: It's pretty powerful.
34:09
Paula: I've used my faith in the perfect meaning to like breathing into certain things and I've actually been able to like, within a couple minutes, been able to feel like like very obvious pain in the go away by, actually like almost like going into it like almost like going into it.
34:29
Carrie: Yeah, that's, I love it and it's, I definitely have done that.
34:34
Carrie: The, the modality that kind of brought me back when I was very into my head as a mom and freaking out and trying to like very sensitive child, like what do I do?
34:47
Carrie: I studied Reiki.
34:48
Carrie: My husband and I both did level one Reiki and it was amazing it.
34:53
Carrie: It really brought us into a um, like a higher state with our meditation, and both of my kids actually ask for Reiki now when they get hurt or if they're sick, yeah.
35:06
Carrie: So, yeah, I totally believe the, the um, the mindset and just calming our minds because, yeah, it's really easy when you're in that pain spot to go straight up into your brain and, you know, live in that pain and fighting that pain.
35:25
Carrie: Whereas my husband, he, he was the one with the second pregnancy.
35:29
Carrie: He said I noticed that you, you fight your pain with the first one and you had to get the epidural.
35:35
Carrie: We were very, very lucky in the second one.
35:38
Carrie: We had this doula that taught us all of these pain management techniques and like, uh, you know herbs and or um aromather and you know the yoga balls and walking and all these different things that helped me so I could have a natural birth the second time, oh nice, yeah.
36:01
Carrie: So it was amazing to see like when we can calm our systems and really get into that, it really helps us.
36:09
Carrie: Yeah, so I love, I love um all these growth pieces.
36:15
Carrie: You've, you've um helped yourself, you're helping others, and I love sharing with the community all these ways that we can grow, because when we're teaching ourselves, we're helping our kids too.
36:29
Paula: And all of it.
36:30
Paula: I mean, there's things um, I had my kids really young.
36:34
Paula: I still had a lot of work to do.
36:36
Paula: Um so when I started learning about you know our, how much our child product affects us.
36:42
Paula: Of course, one of the first things I do is look at oh, you know, I wanted to be such a good mom and I put so much focus into raising them right, but I realized how much, without being aware of it, had been passed.
36:57
Paula: You know what I mean, um, so that's a big part of what I do now too.
37:02
Paula: Right it's knowing that they are still watching me.
37:05
Paula: They may be you know what I mean, but they're they're still seeing what I mean.
37:10
Carrie: I still get to have conversations with them and try to make a difference in that yeah, you're still being that example, yeah, and you're living and doing it, because if we're just preaching it, it's yeah, no, they get to see my growth all the time and I know they're proud of me for sure.
37:31
Paula: They've seen me come along wearing in a, I would say, a fairly short amount of time.
37:36
Carrie: Yeah that's amazing.
37:38
Carrie: I love that.
37:39
Carrie: Yeah, it's.
37:40
Carrie: It's so powerful when, when they can see us in our growth, because life is not about like you get through through your schooling and then you're done, you shut the door, no more learning.
37:53
Paula: Yeah yeah, you know, my son said something to me a few months ago about um, he never would have thought he.
38:01
Paula: He's not saying I was a mess, but he just said that now he's like you're like the most person, normal person around me now and I was like really cool and normal meaning he meant like you know what I mean by having it together and it's just cool because he also watched me struggle for so long.
38:20
Carrie: Yeah, that's really cool it is a good thing to hear.
38:26
Carrie: That's really sweet.
38:27
Carrie: Sweet Paula, you have to tell us what is your superhuman power.
38:33
Paula: I'd definitely say my intuition, but I was thinking about that recently and I think that's in competition with my ability to kind of reclaim things when I'm having an experience that's uncomfortable and I don't mean like pushing things down, I mean, say, I'm feeling in a rush or I'm feeling myself forcing and just the ability to be able to sit down and get into it and enjoy the experience instead of like going away from it.
39:07
Paula: Joy be experienced instead of like going away from it.
39:13
Paula: Or, you know, stay on stock outside in your rain, working in your new stop for a minute and look around outside in nature and like focus on yeah, but then like it's reframing things that's become.
39:24
Paula: It's something I worked on for so long and it's finally natural and I love it.
39:28
Paula: It's, yeah, it's become a muscle that's very well exercised, you know that's great.
39:37
Carrie: I love that because I've been working on, you know, guiding my kids and reframing their thoughts for so long.
39:42
Carrie: It's like, okay, they will get there one day.
39:46
Paula: The little ducklings will fly well, especially because it's so young you know, what I mean you're working on that, but I love that you're working on with them with all the mindfulness stuff.
39:56
Carrie: I mean they're, they've got an awesome for sure yeah, yeah, I think when we start young they don't develop as many of these layers, the protective layers.
40:10
Carrie: They can tune in a little easier and hear those feelings that they're feeling.
40:16
Carrie: And yeah, with these charts and I'll have to share the chart with you that the OT uses with the kids, because you might really enjoy it no, I'd like to see that.
40:26
Carrie: Yeah, I love that.
40:29
Carrie: So how do our listeners find you, paula, over on?
40:33
Paula: Instagram.
40:34
Paula: I'm very active over there and I've done a lot of posts and reels about relationships, friendships, mindset and stuff, so you can scroll through there and in the next probably by the time this ends, ends up we'll have a inner child healing meditation where I've just created and that you'll be able to find over there too okay, that's great.
40:59
Carrie: Thank you so much for being here with us thank you.
41:03
Paula: This was a good time.
41:04
Paula: I love you great.
41:06
Paula: Yeah, have a great day.