Latest / Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast / Healing From Emotional Exhaustion and Holiday Burnout

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Healing From Emotional Exhaustion and Holiday Burnout · Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

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Speaker 1: Life audio, emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout are very real experiences. Today,
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Speaker 1: we are going to be talking about the post holiday
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Speaker 1: aftermath that many of us feel for myriad of reasons.
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Speaker 1: We're going to cover expectations unmet and unsmoken, the subsequent
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Speaker 1: disappointment which follows, and the straight up exhaustion of making
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Speaker 1: Christmas happen for our loved ones. If we don't pause
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Speaker 1: for a moment following the holidays, we rush headlong into
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Speaker 1: the winter months with unresolved sadness, fatigue, despair, which impacts
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Speaker 1: our mental and emotional wellbeing and it makes those January
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Speaker 1: blues stronger. Our goal today is to equip you with
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Speaker 1: space to process what happened or didn't happen, reminders that
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Speaker 1: you are not alone, and practical hope filled tools to
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Speaker 1: apply to the post holiday aftermath you might be experiencing.
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Speaker 1: Welcome to your hope filled perspective with doctor Michelle Banks
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Speaker 1: and where it's always our goal to restore hope, renew minds,
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Speaker 1: and empower listeners to live in your God given identity.
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Speaker 1: I'm delighted you've chosen to spend a few of your
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Speaker 1: moments in the week with us. Consider this your respite
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Speaker 1: for that emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion. As we dive
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Speaker 1: into how to heal from emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion.
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Speaker 1: Right after this brief word from our sponsor, the living
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Speaker 1: room is scattered with wrapping paper. Ornaments are a skew
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Speaker 1: on the tree, and a fine layer of dust covers everything.
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Speaker 1: Family has wandered off to pursue individual pursuits and you're
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Speaker 1: sitting alone.
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Speaker 2: You did it.
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Speaker 1: You curated gifts based on personal interests and desires. You
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Speaker 1: plan special meals, and you made a once a year
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Speaker 1: Christmas treat. And now the exhaustion sets in. You wonder
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Speaker 1: if your family appreciates your effort, and maybe you question
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Speaker 1: whether or not it's worth it. Crawling in to bed
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Speaker 1: and skipping the big family get together later that day
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Speaker 1: sounds great. Instead, you pull yourself up and put another
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Speaker 1: foot in front of the other. Do the next thing.
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Speaker 1: You whisper, but wonder if you actually can. Today we
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Speaker 1: are going to be talking about how to heal from
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Speaker 1: emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion. Joining me in this conversation
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Speaker 1: today is my co host, Jessica Van Rukel, and we
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Speaker 1: are both here today with our warm winter holiday drinks.
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Speaker 2: To get us through this episode.
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Speaker 1: We want to share with you as a reminder that
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Speaker 1: God is a safe place for us. Psalm forty six,
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Speaker 1: verses eleven through twelve that says he says, be still
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Speaker 1: and know that I am God. I will be exalted
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Speaker 1: among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth.
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Speaker 1: The Lord Almighty is with us. The God of Jacob
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Speaker 1: is our fortress. Jessica, I'm so glad you're joining me today.
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Speaker 1: Emotional burnout and holiday exhaust is a very real experience
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Speaker 1: that many of us deal with, but I don't hear
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Speaker 1: people discussing it, and it can start as early as
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Speaker 1: October November and lingers into January or February.
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Speaker 3: Oh absolutely, But I love the reminders in Psalm forty
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Speaker 3: six to be still, But it can be so hard
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Speaker 3: to do. But when I keep reading, I see that
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Speaker 3: knowing God and bringing him glory helps me frame being
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Speaker 3: still inside the comforting knowledge that God is with me
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Speaker 3: through it all. But it's the all that trips us
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Speaker 3: up during the holidays. How do we determine how much
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Speaker 3: or how little to do? How do we manage our
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Speaker 3: expectations within the framework of stillness? Wrapped in God's presence. Michelle,
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Speaker 3: would you be willing to share some of your struggles
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Speaker 3: with being the holiday memory making Christmas merrymaker.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
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Speaker 1: I love the holidays, Jess, so I don't want to
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Speaker 1: give the wrong impression, but even this past year, I
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Speaker 1: found myself trying to get ahead in my schedule so
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Speaker 1: that I didn't walk into this year's holidays the same
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Speaker 1: way I have in the past when the family descends
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Speaker 1: upon the house, which I love having my family here,
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Speaker 1: but there have been times when I'm already become so
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Speaker 1: exhausted that by the time they get here, it's hard
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Speaker 1: for me to enjoy. I'm married with a husband, i
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Speaker 1: have two boys and a daughter in love. I'm generally
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Speaker 1: the keeper of the calendar, the designer of the meal plan,
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Speaker 1: accommodating food allergies and everybody's different preferences in our home.
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Speaker 1: I'm generally the buyer of the majority of the gifts.
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Speaker 1: I'm definitely the rapper of the presence. And my family
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Speaker 1: isn't local, and because the majority of holiday magic happens
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Speaker 1: before they come in from out of town, they really
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Speaker 1: have little idea how much time, energy and effort is involved.
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Speaker 2: But if I'm not careful.
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Speaker 1: I can become so exhausted and burned out before the
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Speaker 1: holidays truly even hit, and there's a sense of fatigue
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Speaker 1: that just makes it more difficult to experience the joy
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Speaker 1: of the season, and I don't want to do that
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Speaker 1: going forward. I think I was better this past year,
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Speaker 1: but I want to be even better next year.
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Speaker 2: What about you, jess.
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Speaker 3: Well, I think when I started my own family, I
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Speaker 3: had really high expectations of what I wanted Christmas and
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Speaker 3: the whole really the whole month of December to look like.
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Speaker 3: Growing up. Our traditions almost they changed. My mom's been
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Speaker 3: remarried a couple different times, and we just adjusted those
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Speaker 3: family traditions, and I found sometimes that to be really hard.
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Speaker 3: And so when I got married and started having kids,
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Speaker 3: there were things that I really wanted to start and do,
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Speaker 3: But I also found that my husband was satisfied with
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Speaker 3: maybe not having these grand traditions his home. They had
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Speaker 3: their traditions, they loved them, and I love being a
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Speaker 3: part of them, and yet I wanted to create our
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Speaker 3: own with our families. So I've got four kids, three
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Speaker 3: daughters and a son, and there were just some things
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Speaker 3: that I really pushed for that weren't well received, and
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Speaker 3: so I felt like a little bit like, oh, well,
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Speaker 3: all this effort isn't well received, and instead of pivoting,
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Speaker 3: I pouted, and which created this angst within me, which
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Speaker 3: made me cranky and resentful, and I started doing things
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Speaker 3: with expectations tied to them instead of like strings attached,
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Speaker 3: instead of just doing things as a gift to my family.
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Speaker 3: But as I've learned how to pivot, I think that
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Speaker 3: comes with aging, and I am aging, and I'm not
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Speaker 3: afraid to say that, and wisdom, I have learned to
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Speaker 3: just kind of offer my holiday effort as a gift. Yeah,
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Speaker 3: And I can't determine how someone receives that gift. That's
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Speaker 3: that's up to them how they want to receive it.
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Speaker 3: And so I have dealt with those un and expectations.
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Speaker 3: And I'm not saying that I have this holding out
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Speaker 3: what I do as a gift. I don't want to
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Speaker 3: fool anybody and to say that I have done learned
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Speaker 3: how to do that perfectly, because I haven't. But I'm
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Speaker 3: conscious of making sure that everything I do there's no
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Speaker 3: strengths attached for how I expect my family to respond.
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Speaker 3: And I live aware of that, and that has helped
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Speaker 3: me adjust. It's helped me maybe go into the holiday
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Speaker 3: season open hearted as well as open handed.
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Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting that you talk about it being
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Speaker 1: a gift, because that is how my mindset shifted over
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Speaker 1: the past couple of years. What I do I enter
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Speaker 1: in now that this is my gift to my family,
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Speaker 1: whether they recognize it as a gift or not. From
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Speaker 1: my heart, it's my gift to them. But sometimes the
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Speaker 1: tricky part about that, justs is when we give gifts,
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Speaker 1: we're hoping for a certain reaction, like we're hoping whether
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Speaker 1: they're tangible gifts or not. It can be a gift
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Speaker 1: to develop the meal plan for the holidays, to accommodate
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Speaker 1: people's preferences and allergies and tastes and that kind of thing.
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Speaker 1: That's an intangible gift. But when we give a gift,
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Speaker 1: let's face it, in our heart of hearts, we want
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Speaker 1: the receiver of the gift to be appreciative. We want
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Speaker 1: them to love it, we want them to recognize that
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Speaker 1: there was some thought we thought about them. So what
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Speaker 1: I'm hearing from you and me is that we have
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Speaker 1: both experienced unmet expectations and the subsequent disappointments that often follow.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely. But I've learned some tips and tricks along
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Speaker 3: with a shift in my perspective regarding emotional burnout and
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Speaker 3: holiday exhaustion that I'm excited to share with our listeners.
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Speaker 1: I want to talk about those tips and tricks, but
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Speaker 1: let's pause for a brief word from our sponsor so
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Speaker 1: that that is not broken up. Friends, We're going to
9:04
Speaker 1: take this real quick break, but when we come back,
9:06
Speaker 1: we're going to share some tips and tricks so that
9:09
Speaker 1: you can heal from emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion. We'll
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Speaker 1: be right back. Welcome back to your hope filled perspective.
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Speaker 1: Today we're talking about how to heal from emotional exhaustion
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Speaker 1: and holiday burnout. One of the contributing factors to emotional
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Speaker 1: exhaustion holiday burnout comes from a motive to serve others
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Speaker 1: and to create a special experience for them. Jess and
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Speaker 1: I were both talking about our personal experiences with that
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Speaker 1: regard before the break. It's a good and noble desire
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Speaker 1: to do this. The gift of hospitality, even to our
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Speaker 1: own families, is a special way to show them God's love,
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Speaker 1: and that's where My desire comes from I want to
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Speaker 1: show my family love by doing for them. But when
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Speaker 1: we neglect the best thing, we find ourselves running through
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Speaker 1: the holidays in our own strength, which creates emotional burnout
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Speaker 1: and holiday exhaustion.
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Speaker 3: Exactly it, which is why all of the sisters Mary
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Speaker 3: and Martha found in Luke chapter ten, verses thirty eight
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Speaker 3: through forty two. These two women show us how to
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Speaker 3: both serve and how to be still. I'm going to
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Speaker 3: read that passage. It says this. As Jesus and his
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Speaker 3: disciples were on their way, he came to a village
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Speaker 3: where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.
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Speaker 3: She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the
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Speaker 3: Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was
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Speaker 3: distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.
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Speaker 3: She came to him and asked, Lord, don't you care
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Speaker 3: that my sister has left me to do the work
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Speaker 3: all by myself. Tell her to help me, Martha Martha.
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Speaker 3: The Lord answered, you are worried and upset about many things,
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Speaker 3: but few things are needed or indeed, only one. Mary
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Speaker 3: has chosen what is better, and it will not be
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Speaker 3: taken from her. You know I've never liked how Martha
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Speaker 3: is shown as wrong and Mary as right. And if
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Speaker 3: we take the time to read what Jesus said, we
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Speaker 3: learned that there is a good way and a better way.
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Speaker 3: Martha had good motives in serving Jesus and the other guests,
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Speaker 3: and in the context of healing from holiday exhaustion and
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Speaker 3: emotional burnout, the desire to create this beautiful holiday experience
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Speaker 3: is a good desire. Martha's mistake was her unspoken expectation
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Speaker 3: that her sister should be helping her create this amazing
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Speaker 3: experience for the Lord. However, Mary spent her time listening
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Speaker 3: at the feet of Jesus while it looked like she
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Speaker 3: was doing nothing. She shows us how being still is
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Speaker 3: an active response. Spending time with Jesus is a better
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Speaker 3: desire because it changes us from the inside out. So
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Speaker 3: let's explore how to hold both the good and the
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Speaker 3: better in the same space and time.
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Speaker 1: I've always had mixed feelings when it comes to the
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Speaker 1: account of Mary and Martha. I desperately want to be
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Speaker 1: a Mary, but I definitely relate to Martha's personality as
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Speaker 1: a get it done kind of person. I can't tell
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Speaker 1: you how often I hear I don't know how you
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Speaker 1: do all that you do and in transparency. For many years,
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Speaker 1: I wore that as a badge of honor until doing
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Speaker 1: became my downfall. One thing, though, Jess, that has always
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Speaker 1: stood out to me in the account of these two
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Speaker 1: sisters is when scripture says, but Martha was distracted by
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Speaker 1: all the preparations that had to be made. It's not
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Speaker 1: that what Martha was doing was bad. Jesus and the
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Speaker 1: disciples needed to be fed, they needed a comfortable place
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Speaker 1: to sit, they needed their feet wash. It's just that
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Speaker 1: it wasn't the best thing. And I think perhaps her
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Speaker 1: motives were based in how they were going to respond,
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Speaker 1: rather than an overflow of just wanting to serve out
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Speaker 1: of love. Yeah, it's so easy to set aside our
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Speaker 1: private personal time with Jesus during the crazy, busy holiday season.
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Speaker 2: You and I have talked about this before.
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Speaker 1: What the holidays do is add more to our schedule
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Speaker 1: when there's not really a place to take things away, right,
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Speaker 1: And I have succumbed to that many times where I
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Speaker 1: have sacrificed the quiet and the stillness with Jesus. But really,
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Speaker 1: what you're saying, Jess, is that healing from emotional burnout
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Speaker 1: and holiday exhaustion really starts with being still with Jesus,
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Speaker 1: like we see with Mary.
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Speaker 3: Yes, it's within the stillness with Jesus where we can
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Speaker 3: be refreshed and guided for our next thing. We can
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Speaker 3: ask the Holy Spirit to show us where we may
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Speaker 3: have expectations that could lead to disappointment. And honestly, I
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Speaker 3: have to continually remind myself that life is not a
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Speaker 3: movie script where perfectly plotted responses and entrances and exits
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Speaker 3: and there's no call for cut or do it roll
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Speaker 3: it again. You see, I've learned that our family members
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Speaker 3: deal with their own internal angst, expectations and disappointments, which
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Speaker 3: sometimes clash with ours. But if we can start the
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Speaker 3: day with Jesus and invite him into every part of
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Speaker 3: our day, we can hold the good with the better
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Speaker 3: and reveal both a Martha and a Mary's side to
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Speaker 3: our families and ourselves.
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Speaker 2: You raise a really good point.
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Speaker 1: We've been talking about our expectations, but our family members
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Speaker 1: have their own, often unspoken expectations. This year was a
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Speaker 1: little different because one of my sons called home and
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Speaker 1: was talking to us and wanted to voice desires and preferences,
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Speaker 1: and you know what, when he did, I thought, well,
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Speaker 1: we can do that, we can meet that. So he
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Speaker 1: voiced something so that he didn't get to the end
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Speaker 1: of his visit with us with unmet expectations.
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Speaker 2: And I think that's key.
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Speaker 1: But I can remember a time when I let Martha
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Speaker 1: in me not only steal my joy but flat out
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Speaker 1: wear me out, which is part of where this episode
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Speaker 1: on emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout came from. I remember
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Speaker 1: the year that my mother died. It was such a
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Speaker 1: difficult time for me. I was grieving the woman who
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Speaker 1: had become my best friend. We were not always close
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Speaker 1: when I was young, and she struggled with depression and
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Speaker 1: that was incredibly difficult for both of us. But after
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Speaker 1: I married and she got help for her depression, we
15:48
Speaker 1: became very close. In fact, I would call her every
15:51
Speaker 1: day on my commute home from the hospital, so we
15:54
Speaker 1: had forty five minutes to talk every day, and I
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Speaker 1: valued that relationship. Earlier that particular year, my husband was
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Speaker 1: undergoing treatment for cancer with a very bleak prognosis. Later
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Speaker 1: in the year, I miscarried our baby, and then my
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Speaker 1: mother died, and honestly, the accumulated grief was almost more
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Speaker 1: than I could bear, and when the holidays rolled around.
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Speaker 2: I did, and I did and I did.
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Speaker 1: I did not want to assume the role of matriarch
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Speaker 1: in our family, but I did it because I felt
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Speaker 1: like I had to, like I was supposed to pick
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Speaker 1: up that mantle after my mother died and that everyone
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Speaker 1: was depending on me.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Now, in actuality, would my two year old son have
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Speaker 1: cared if the gifts weren't wrapped.
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Speaker 2: No?
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Speaker 1: Would the family have starved if I hadn't made twelve
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Speaker 1: different types of Christmas cookies?
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Speaker 2: No?
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Speaker 1: Would anyone have cared if I used only gift bags
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Speaker 1: instead of wrapping each gift?
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Speaker 3: Absolutely not, But they were all.
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Speaker 1: Left in a worn out, exhausted grieving daughter, wife and mother.
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Speaker 1: And just looking back, this was many years ago, but
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Speaker 1: it could have all been different if Jesus had been
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Speaker 1: my place of solace and my prevailing focus rather than
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Speaker 1: all the things I no longer had and that had
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Speaker 1: to be done.
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Speaker 3: Wow, thank you for sharing that. I can remember a Christmas.
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Speaker 3: I have no idea what led up to this, but
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Speaker 3: I remember picking a fight with my husband and I'm
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Speaker 3: not really a fight picker at all. I'm like you,
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Speaker 3: want to fight, Okay, I'll go to a different room.
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Speaker 3: You can fight with the wall, that type of a person.
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Speaker 3: But I remember picking a fight and ending up spending
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Speaker 3: Christmas afternoon pouting in my bed or being sad in
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Speaker 3: my bed. And I really have no clue what led
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Speaker 3: up to this, but I remember being so mad and disappointed,
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Speaker 3: and obviously it was tied to expectations, right, Yeah, being disappointed.
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Speaker 3: But and it's interesting how I don't really remember what
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Speaker 3: those unmet expectations were, but I do remember my behavior. Yeah,
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Speaker 3: and that was a that was an opening, eye opening experience.
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Speaker 3: Disappointed in myself. But it's like some other like like
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Speaker 3: I was totally controlled by my disappointments and I was
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Speaker 3: going to make sure everybody around me knew about it.
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Speaker 3: And again, what do my kids remember of that Christmas?
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Speaker 3: I don't know. I've never asked them. And if they're listening, kids,
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Speaker 3: tell me. And I'm going to say I'm sorry, I'm
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Speaker 3: sorry for having these unmet expectations that led me to
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Speaker 3: a very crabby experience of a mother and apologize to
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Speaker 3: my husband. I have, We've talked about it, we laugh
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Speaker 3: about it now. But that's the power of unmet expectations
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Speaker 3: and the disappointment that comes. It can totally change us
18:53
Speaker 3: to be somebody that, frankly, I don't really want to be.
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Speaker 3: So friends, we are going to take a short break
18:58
Speaker 3: for a word from our sponsor. Sure, then we'll talk
19:01
Speaker 3: about practical steps for how to heal from emotional burnout
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Speaker 3: and holiday exhaustion. Stay tuned.
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Speaker 1: Unmet expectations of ourselves and others can contribute to emotional
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Speaker 1: exhaustion and holiday burnout. The best predictor of future behavior
19:25
Speaker 1: is past behavior, so we have to be intentional when
19:30
Speaker 1: we want to change course. Addressing expectations by making time
19:35
Speaker 1: with Jesus a priority during the holiday season is vital
19:39
Speaker 1: and vital in this post holiday aftermath. But let's turn
19:45
Speaker 1: our attention to some practical steps for how do we
19:49
Speaker 1: cope with it now that we're here. One step we
19:52
Speaker 1: can do post holiday is to ask our families what
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Speaker 1: traditions or activities are important to them. We may be
20:02
Speaker 1: doing all the things, but maybe we don't need to.
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Speaker 1: Maybe they don't care about stockings being filled, or they
20:11
Speaker 1: don't care about that traditional Christmas dessert. Taking time to
20:16
Speaker 1: talk to them about expectations and then adjusting them. Going forward,
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Speaker 1: both helps to heal and it creates self guards going forward. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: for many, many years, I prided myself on having our
20:35
Speaker 1: Christmas cards ready to mail the day before Thanksgivings, so
20:40
Speaker 1: that ours were the first that would arrive in people's inbox.
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Speaker 1: And people said, for years, I always look forward to
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Speaker 1: your Christmas card, and it's always the first one we get. Okay, Well,
20:50
Speaker 1: pride is a sin, and I'm confessing it to you now.
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Speaker 1: But what I realized is I was putting so much
20:58
Speaker 1: pressure on myself to meet both my expectations and others,
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Speaker 1: and in a small way, I miss it. But we
21:08
Speaker 1: don't send Christmas cards anymore. It just became that last
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Speaker 1: straw that I just felt like I couldn't manage and
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Speaker 1: I had to let it go.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, that's so good. I used to be a
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Speaker 3: Christmas card center, Like, starting when I was back in
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Speaker 3: high school, I sent out Christmas cards and I continued that,
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Speaker 3: and several years ago I was like, I don't want
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Speaker 3: to do it anymore. Yeah, And so now we're at
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Speaker 3: the point where, like, if my husband feels like addressing
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Speaker 3: the envelopes, he does it. You know, I'll order the
21:39
Speaker 3: picture and buy the cards. And he does all the work,
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Speaker 3: and I'm totally great with that. This year, I don't
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Speaker 3: know if we're doing cards. I'll have to ask him.
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Speaker 3: But I used to make anywhere from six to eight
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Speaker 3: different kind of Christmas treats, and it was tiring, and
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Speaker 3: I had four little kids, and frankly, it wasn't fun
21:58
Speaker 3: for them or for me. But it just really wasn't.
22:01
Speaker 3: But then I asked as they got older, I asked
22:03
Speaker 3: each family member what they loved and what they really
22:06
Speaker 3: really wanted to snack on during Christmas. And it turns
22:11
Speaker 3: out that there's only three kinds of treats that they
22:14
Speaker 3: really love and look forward to every year. So now
22:16
Speaker 3: I make those three each year, and then I rotate
22:19
Speaker 3: a fourth one based on what sounds good to me.
22:22
Speaker 3: And this practice helped me learn that the holidays are
22:25
Speaker 3: for me too, and doing something I like helped relieve
22:29
Speaker 3: some of the expectations, unspoken expectations I was placing on
22:34
Speaker 3: my family members.
22:35
Speaker 1: My mother used to make no less than a dozen
22:39
Speaker 1: different types of cookies, so when I got married, I thought,
22:43
Speaker 1: that's what you do as the wife and mom. So
22:47
Speaker 1: I too did what you did and asked my boys,
22:50
Speaker 1: what's your favorite, and I made their favorite and it
22:56
Speaker 1: simplified things so much. Talked about being still with Jesus
23:02
Speaker 1: and addressing expectations. And this is a good time of
23:07
Speaker 1: year to have these conversations with our family because it's
23:11
Speaker 1: fresh in our hearts and mind and theirs. We can
23:15
Speaker 1: then better understand their perceptions and unmet expectations as well
23:20
Speaker 1: as ours, so that we can change the course and
23:23
Speaker 1: expectations for future holidays.
23:26
Speaker 3: I loved what you said earlier about how past behavior
23:29
Speaker 3: predicts future behavior. Yes, and that's such a good tip
23:33
Speaker 3: to remember, because it seems like life swirls faster and
23:37
Speaker 3: faster until we get to January one, and then it
23:40
Speaker 3: screeches to a halt. It's like hard stop, right, You're
23:43
Speaker 3: dealing with whiplash. And it's in that space between January
23:47
Speaker 3: first and February where the post holiday blues hit me hard.
23:51
Speaker 3: I'm usually exhausted from pouring out and I must put
23:54
Speaker 3: Christmas away alone by myself. Yep, never mind that I
24:00
Speaker 3: put it up by myself, right, so what's the big deal?
24:03
Speaker 1: But it is it just is, it is a big deal, Jazz.
24:09
Speaker 2: I'm often tempted.
24:10
Speaker 1: To not put up decorations not because I don't enjoy them,
24:14
Speaker 1: I love them, but because I hate putting it all away,
24:20
Speaker 1: and it happens after my family has left.
24:23
Speaker 2: So yes, it falls on me at.
24:26
Speaker 1: A time when I don't have any more energy to give.
24:30
Speaker 1: Curling up in bed for the rest of winter.
24:33
Speaker 3: Sounds about right. I love it.
24:35
Speaker 1: It's not possible to do, but we can take a
24:41
Speaker 1: mental and emotional break. A second aspect that's crucial for
24:46
Speaker 1: our healing for emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout is to
24:50
Speaker 1: create space in your life to rest and recover.
24:55
Speaker 2: What would that look like for you, Jess.
24:57
Speaker 3: Well for me, I have learned and I've embraced, accepted,
25:02
Speaker 3: embrace that there is no universal required day to take
25:05
Speaker 3: down the decorations and return the gift bags to their
25:07
Speaker 3: storage space. See that little tree in the corner still up.
25:11
Speaker 3: I'll stay up for a little while. I like to
25:14
Speaker 3: allow myself to lay on the couch post Christmas. In
25:16
Speaker 3: New Year's I turn off all the lamps and I
25:19
Speaker 3: turn on all the Christmas lights because I think it's
25:23
Speaker 3: important to take time to rejoice and the fact that
25:26
Speaker 3: Jesus came to earth for us. He came to earth.
25:30
Speaker 3: He is God with us, And it's in that moment
25:34
Speaker 3: where I allow myself just that selfa time to really
25:38
Speaker 3: be still and to know that He is God.
25:42
Speaker 1: What about you, Michelle, It's interesting that you bring up
25:45
Speaker 1: there there's no universal day to take down the Christmas
25:49
Speaker 1: decor because every single year I see many posts on
25:56
Speaker 1: social media about when you should be taking decorations down
26:01
Speaker 1: or when other people are taking their decorations down, which
26:05
Speaker 1: creates an implicit expectation that, oh, what they are, then
26:08
Speaker 1: I should too. But I went through a period of
26:13
Speaker 1: life threatening sepsis.
26:15
Speaker 2: Was in the ICU, and really they.
26:19
Speaker 1: Didn't expect me to come through it. And after going
26:22
Speaker 1: through sepsis, which if you've never known anybody who's gone
26:26
Speaker 1: through it, or if you've never gone through it, sepsis
26:28
Speaker 1: affects every single cell in your body, and doctors warned
26:34
Speaker 1: me it would take a year to two years to recover.
26:37
Speaker 1: And I still haven't regained my energy. I used to
26:42
Speaker 1: be a night owl, Jess. I used to work until
26:45
Speaker 1: midnight one or two in the morning, and now my
26:47
Speaker 1: kids kind of look at me funny, like, why are
26:50
Speaker 1: you so tired at seven pm?
26:52
Speaker 2: It's a result of the sepsis. But this past holiday season.
26:57
Speaker 1: The day after my kids left home after Thanksgiving, I
27:01
Speaker 1: didn't get out of bed until almost noon, which is
27:04
Speaker 1: not like me. But after I got up, I didn't
27:08
Speaker 1: make a single physical demand of myself, no jumping in
27:14
Speaker 1: and getting ready for Christmas. I just knew I needed
27:19
Speaker 1: a day of rest.
27:20
Speaker 3: So good.
27:23
Speaker 1: Depending on how depleted, fatigued, or burnout you may feel,
27:29
Speaker 1: friend and we recognize there is a wide variety. Some
27:34
Speaker 1: are energized by the holidays and they get through and
27:37
Speaker 1: they're ready to attack their New Year's resolutions with vigor
27:41
Speaker 1: and joy. And others the holidays were hard, family dynamics
27:46
Speaker 1: are difficult, and others are really feeling exhausted and burnout.
27:51
Speaker 1: So depending on where you are on that spectrum, I
27:54
Speaker 1: would add a third tip, and that is to create
27:58
Speaker 1: a recovery zone. And what I mean by this is
28:01
Speaker 1: pick a short window every day, even if only ten
28:04
Speaker 1: to twenty minutes, where you intentionally do nothing that requires output. Instead,
28:12
Speaker 1: sit with a cozy drink, your coffee or your tea
28:15
Speaker 1: or lemon water, whatever your preference is. Maybe listen to
28:18
Speaker 1: calm music, maybe step outside for a breath of fresh air.
28:24
Speaker 1: But what this brief recovery zone does is it sends
28:28
Speaker 1: a message to your nervous system that I am safe
28:32
Speaker 1: and I can rest.
28:34
Speaker 4: Oh.
28:35
Speaker 3: I love that so practical. I'm going to add the
28:38
Speaker 3: fourth suggestion we have for how to heal from emotional
28:41
Speaker 3: exhaustion and a holiday burnout is where we can really
28:45
Speaker 3: learn from Mary and I'd suggest a brief post holiday evaluation,
28:50
Speaker 3: which can be very helpful. And we answered these two questions, first,
28:54
Speaker 3: what were you out? And second what gave you life?
28:58
Speaker 2: What were you out?
29:00
Speaker 1: I think that's probably very easy for people to identify,
29:04
Speaker 1: but the second question is equally as important, what gave
29:08
Speaker 1: you life? These are the things you want to make
29:10
Speaker 1: sure that you include in your holiday routine next year.
29:15
Speaker 1: Taking that time for the post holiday evaluation helps heal
29:19
Speaker 1: from emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion because self reflection helps
29:25
Speaker 1: our brain release what is internally keeping our mind in
29:30
Speaker 1: a state of stress, and it's a way to prepare
29:33
Speaker 1: and protect your mental and emotional strength going forward.
29:37
Speaker 3: This is where we realize where we may have lost
29:40
Speaker 3: sight of God with us. Our scripture that we mentioned
29:43
Speaker 3: earlier was be still and know that He is God.
29:45
Speaker 3: He is with us, and it's easy to keep saying
29:48
Speaker 3: yes and yes, and to add more and more. In
29:52
Speaker 3: some years we have the capacity for a lot, but
29:55
Speaker 3: other years we need to scale back. Three of my
29:57
Speaker 3: kids have birthdays. One is middle of November, one is
30:02
Speaker 3: middle of January, and middle of February. Reserving energy for
30:06
Speaker 3: their berths and the recovery after them changed how I
30:10
Speaker 3: did Christmas, from the decor, to the gifts, even to
30:13
Speaker 3: the food. And I discovered a really important truth. It's
30:16
Speaker 3: not so much about what we do that makes Christmas special,
30:21
Speaker 3: but the who who we are with and who we
30:24
Speaker 3: focus on.
30:25
Speaker 2: Oh, that's such an important distinction.
30:28
Speaker 1: It's not so much what we do makes Christmas special,
30:31
Speaker 1: but the who so important to remember.
30:34
Speaker 2: A fifth tip, which I.
30:35
Speaker 1: Think is equally important, is to replenish what was depleted.
30:40
Speaker 1: One of your questions, Suggess in that self evaluation is
30:44
Speaker 1: what were you out? Another way to say it is
30:47
Speaker 1: what depleted you? Yes, So to replenish what was deleted?
30:51
Speaker 1: I would add a third question to the self evaluation
30:55
Speaker 1: that's just nuanced from your question, and that is to
30:58
Speaker 1: ask yourself, what did the holiday seasons drain the most?
31:03
Speaker 1: If it was sleep, commit to earlier nights for the
31:06
Speaker 1: next week or two or three. If it drained you
31:09
Speaker 1: the most of social energy, block out quiet evenings and
31:14
Speaker 1: say no to requests for a while. If it drained
31:18
Speaker 1: you the most of finances, enact a low spend month
31:22
Speaker 1: or two. And if it drained you the most of
31:25
Speaker 1: your emotional reserve, journal what you carried and then release
31:30
Speaker 1: it to God.
31:31
Speaker 3: Oh so good. Now we know that the level of
31:35
Speaker 3: emotional exhaustion our holiday burnout is different for everyone, and
31:39
Speaker 3: I can attest to the fact that some years are
31:41
Speaker 3: worse than others for me. But with a shift in
31:43
Speaker 3: our perspective, a little bit of self reflection, communicating with
31:48
Speaker 3: our family, creating space to rest and recover, and intentionally
31:53
Speaker 3: replenishing what was depleted, we can experience healing from emotional
31:58
Speaker 3: burnout and holiday exhaustion.
32:00
Speaker 2: I hope that these tips were helpful. Friends.
32:03
Speaker 1: We have even more tips for you. They'll be in
32:06
Speaker 1: the follow up blog posts that you can find it
32:08
Speaker 1: Doctor michelleb dot Com the Monday after this episode airs.
32:12
Speaker 1: But Jess, if a listener is resonating with our conversation,
32:15
Speaker 1: and I suspect many will, because we're all at some
32:20
Speaker 1: point on that continuum of energized from the holidays.
32:25
Speaker 2: Or fatigued, worn out, burnout.
32:27
Speaker 1: So if they're resonating with this conversation, what hope filled
32:31
Speaker 1: perspective would you like to leave the listener and viewer with.
32:34
Speaker 3: I would like for you to remember that Jesus also
32:38
Speaker 3: needed to rest. He took time alone with his father
32:44
Speaker 3: so that he could complete his mission on earth, not
32:48
Speaker 3: just his mission of going to the cross, but his
32:50
Speaker 3: mission of meeting the needs of people, of teaching those
32:53
Speaker 3: around him. And so, even though it feels counterintuitive, take
32:58
Speaker 3: time to sit with God and to be still with him.
33:03
Speaker 3: And even though it feels like, oh my goodness, I'm
33:06
Speaker 3: going to get behind, you'll find that you'll have the
33:10
Speaker 3: right amount of energy, the right amount of focus to
33:13
Speaker 3: get through the days ahead when you are so exhausted
33:17
Speaker 3: and you feel like I can't rest. Jess it's the
33:20
Speaker 3: new year. I have all of this stuff that I
33:22
Speaker 3: need to do. I promise to you. Remember Jesus, he
33:26
Speaker 3: sat with his father, and he wants you to do
33:29
Speaker 3: the same.
33:30
Speaker 2: I love it. That's the hope filled perspective that you
33:34
Speaker 2: brought to it.
33:35
Speaker 1: Because we started this episode talking about how we often
33:40
Speaker 1: sacrifice that time with Jesus, and it makes me think
33:44
Speaker 1: for our listener who is feeling emotionally burned out and
33:48
Speaker 1: fatigued and exhausted. It makes me think of the Christmas
33:51
Speaker 1: Carol that says, the weary world rejoices. We can get
33:56
Speaker 1: back to a place of rejoicing by getting back to
33:59
Speaker 1: that place where we sit with Jesus.
34:02
Speaker 2: We're still and we know that he is God.
34:05
Speaker 1: Yes, Jess, would you close out this episode praying for
34:08
Speaker 1: our listener who finds themself at that place.
34:10
Speaker 3: Yes, I would love to. Heavenly Father, thank you so
34:14
Speaker 3: much that your word has everything we need for life.
34:18
Speaker 3: And Lord, right now we're exhausted, we feel completely and
34:22
Speaker 3: totally drained. God, we ask that you would just meet
34:26
Speaker 3: us here. Lord, that we would invite you into our exhaustion,
34:31
Speaker 3: our burnout. Lord, that we would run toward you instead
34:34
Speaker 3: of running away from you. And Lord, that we would
34:37
Speaker 3: realize that resting in you is an active response. So Lord,
34:42
Speaker 3: fill our hearts with energy, fill our hearts with joy,
34:45
Speaker 3: fill our hearts with a focus. That we're going to
34:48
Speaker 3: trust you for healing. We're going to walk in your ways.
34:51
Speaker 3: And Lord, I pray that as we sit in your presence, Lord,
34:54
Speaker 3: you would renew us in Jesus' name, we pray Amen.
34:58
Speaker 2: Amen.
35:00
Speaker 1: If there was something in today's episode that resonated with you,
35:03
Speaker 1: and I'm really hopeful that there was, or maybe you
35:06
Speaker 1: know someone who's struggling with emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion,
35:11
Speaker 1: please consider sharing this episode with them so they have
35:14
Speaker 1: a biblically based, hope filled perspective for handling it. Jess
35:19
Speaker 1: and I look forward to sharing other co hosted episodes
35:22
Speaker 1: with you this year, and we would love to hear
35:26
Speaker 1: what topics, what themes you would be interested in us covering.
35:30
Speaker 1: You can go to my website and hit the contact button,
35:34
Speaker 1: send me a message or comment on one of my
35:36
Speaker 1: blog posts about topics that you'd like us to cover.
35:39
Speaker 1: It's been a joy to be with you again, Jess,
35:42
Speaker 1: and to be with you, my friend. I'm looking forward
35:44
Speaker 1: to having another Hope Field conversation with you next week,
35:48
Speaker 1: but until then, it's my prayer for you that you
35:52
Speaker 1: have a hope filled week.
35:55
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35:58
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36:01
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Speaker 4: joining doctor Bankson for your hope build perspective. We hope
37:51
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38:25
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38:36
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