Latest / Mental Health and the Mission of the Church / 8-Minute MindShift Wk 26

Transcript

8-Minute MindShift Wk 26 · Mental Health and the Mission of the Church

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everybody.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Just want you to know today's gonna be a little bit different.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I pre-recorded this, and I know some of you love just uh the thought of it being live.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm doing is um I wanted to use the screen, like you see there, and I wanted to be able to talk to you and show you some things that I think will really be helpful.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: It'll probably be a little clunky, like right then when I played with the size of my picture there.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: So uh forgive me for that, but I really want to talk to you about this whole idea of uh that we have more uh power, management ability, whatever you want to call it, in the area of how our day goes, how we feel, how we respond to things.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if you just look at the screen there, um you know, who's troubling you?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um a really simple but but powerful thing that I've learned is this simple thought of what I call the ABCs of behavior.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, if A is an external or activating event, and other, or in other words, A is something somebody says, something somebody does, something happens in a way you wanted it to happen, something happens in a way you didn't want it to happen, a relationship goes well, it goes poorly, whatever.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Most people think that outside event causes C, which is your score corresponding emotional and behavioral response.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, something happens, I react.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Something happens, I react.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Something happens, I respond.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Most people think that A causes C.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: The truth of the matter is the outside event isn't what causes your feelings.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, BTFA, what you believe drives what you think, what you think drives what you feel, what you feel drives how you act, and then then it creates the result that you get, right?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: So if you believe that the events around you directly cause your feelings, then you're gonna be a victim to your feelings.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be a victim to other people and their act actions toward you.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: But what if you were to believe, because kind of if you think BTFA, what happens with that perspective is you're leaving T out, which is thinking.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: What if you believe that it is an outside events, but my thinking about outside events?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: So look at this.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: A same external event, your belief system, which is the meaning that you assign to the events that happen, or you could say it this way, how you're thinking, or you could say it this way: thinking is really talking to yourself.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So what you could say is this it is an outside events keyword here that directly affect how I feel.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Directly means this happens, that happens.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Indirect means this happens, there's something in between, and this is the external event, this is your response.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: The the in-between is your thought process that affects your uh response, your how you feel, how you act.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's walk through this together.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this is kind of a cool, a cool little thing I've used a lot.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Just a situation.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the situation: you've been invited to a party taking place this evening.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: This morning, you overhear someone saying some bad things about you to some of your friends.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's walk, let's walk through what happens.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oops, went too far.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: So you're thinking, they must all think the same.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: No one likes me.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: That would be considered absolutizing, catastrophizing, meaning that you you take your thoughts to the worst possible end.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, how are you gonna feel if that's the way you're thinking?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna feel low, rejected, angry, hurt, whatever.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do you do?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Think, feel, do.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, remember BTFA?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I'm gonna avoid the party.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now you're at home that night watching television.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what you're thinking.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'll bet they're all having a good laugh behind my back.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this would be a form of what you call mind reading, meaning you're projecting your thoughts about what others are thinking.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know that to be true?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Could it be true?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it could be true, but do you know it to be true?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, do you want to base your reality, your feelings, your responses on your guesses?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Very negatively leaning, by the way, about what might be happening.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, how does that leave you feeling?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're at home and you feel low, rejected, and sad.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: All right, now here's what I want to do now.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to realize that what's about to change is just the way you're thinking.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Same situation.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Look at the top.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: You've been invited to a party, blah, blah, blah.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: You overhear someone saying bad things about you to some of your friends.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the difference.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And please do this.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Point to your head, slap your head, do whatever.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: All that changed is up here between years.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can't win everyone over.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Why would they invite me if they didn't like me?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, all that's happened here is I'm thinking differently, meaning I'm talking to myself intentionally differently.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, how am I feeling now?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I feel slightly hurt, but I'm self-assured.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you know, there's people that don't like me, but you know what?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's some people that do like me.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So what happens?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I go to the party.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: All right, now let's go that same evening.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that how the other evening went.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm at the party and I'm having a great time.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm enjoying my friends.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Look at the thought.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Man, I'm having a blast with my friends.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: They obviously do like me, so I can forget about what that person said.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: How am I feeling?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Great, confident, slightly relieved.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, very different end to that day.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Please, please, please, please.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: What changed?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing out here changed.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: The only thing that changed is in the gap, we call it minding M-I-N-D-I-N-G, minding the gap.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: What changed is the event, my response.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I took listen to this now.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I took responsibility for the gap between the external event and my response to that external event.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why is that a big deal?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth of the matter is, I get to decide how your behavior or anybody else's behavior affects me.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can't make me miserable unless I help you.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, am I saying that no event in life should ever bother you?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what I'm saying.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: But what I am saying is we let events that are this big affect us this big.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I stuff's gonna hurt.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: People are gonna do things that hurt us.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I, to some degree, and much more than most people want to own, it seems, although if you realize it how freeing it is, you'd you'd want to own this.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I, to some degree, and I would say quite honestly, to a large degree, over 80% of life's events, life's experiences, I have much more power in the area of my response, how I feel, how you and the circumstances around me affect me.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: So what I'm trying to do today is just take the BTFA that we've talked about in the past.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're joining us as we've gotten going here, uh go back to you can do it on Facebook, you can do it on YouTube, you can do it on our podcast.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Go back and listen to some of the older episodes.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And um I just want you to learn that that some of us are allowing life and the people and the circumstances to roll over us, and um we can we can do better than that.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And we can um we can just share, if you will, uh a better experience if we'll take more responsibility for what we're feeling.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Love you guys, and I will see you next week.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.