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The Best Dash Collective - Navigating Dementia and Spicy Spouses · The Best Dash Collective

0:00
What was the female's name? Jill. What kind of
0:03
work did she do? Stockbroker. What state did
0:06
she live in? Illinois. And when did she go back
0:10
to work? When the kids were teenagers. Okay,
0:14
good job. That's it. That's the test. That's
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the whole test? Oh, okay. Yeah. So you scored
0:20
a 30. Is a 30 the max? 30 out of 30. You know,
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that was not as easy as I would think it would
0:25
be. Welcome to the Best Dash Collective. a podcast
0:29
where we talk with people about the experiences
0:31
that shape them and how they're making their
0:33
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This is the Best Dash Collective. We're glad
1:10
that you're with us listening to this episode.
1:13
It is going to be episode four of season three,
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and so we're recording our mid -season. You and
1:21
me session. I'm Houston Blackwood. This is my
1:23
lovely bride, Kyla. How you doing? Good. That's
1:27
good. You're always good. Always so good. Most
1:29
of the time I'm good. I think you're great all
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the time. Thank you. Uh -huh. So last night you
1:36
were being kind of feisty about something. That's
1:39
always. Yeah. Spicy for sure. Yeah. So it is
1:44
late October. Trying to figure out what I was
1:47
being. Spicy about? I don't remember. You were
1:50
being mean to me about something. I was not being
1:56
mean. Anyway, whatever. We're good. We are good.
2:02
We're recording in our outdoor studio. Yeah,
2:05
we have like, we have two. So, so we had, sorry.
2:10
Not bad. Had a small group tonight with some
2:13
ladies from church and Ginger Catalan leads it,
2:15
but. It's super cool. We have a topic every week.
2:19
And so tonight's topic was courage. And we talked
2:22
about like the courage to speak up and also like
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it takes courage to not say anything, you know,
2:26
when you really want to say something, but you
2:28
don't say it. And then we started talking about
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like, like arguments and like confrontation and
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like, is it more courageous to speak up or is
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it more courageous to not speak up? And we started
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talking about like conflict in marriage and like,
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do you say it? Do you not? And then I was like.
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You know, when we first got married, like I didn't
2:47
really want to speak up. I think we've talked
2:49
about this before and maybe early on in our podcast.
2:52
But like I thought like if you had any conflict
2:54
or any confrontation, like it was bad. But anyway,
3:00
Ginger used the example like early in relationships,
3:03
like it's this big circle. And so you get frustrated
3:06
and it takes a long time to get through it and
3:09
to work through it. You know what I mean? And
3:11
then later, as you grow closer to each other
3:12
and closer to God, you. your circle becomes little.
3:15
And so like the whole reason I say all this is
3:18
because last night we, apparently I was feisty
3:21
and I, and I was mean to you, but I don't, I
3:23
don't think I was, but you said I was. And so
3:24
like the circle, so little, we don't even remember
3:26
what it was anymore. That's a great story. Yeah.
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I mean, seriously. No, you're right. You're right.
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So little, like it went and we're good again.
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Yeah. We weren't good. No, we were good the whole
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time. Yeah, no, no, no, no. I know. Yeah, you
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were just being mean just for a little bit. Do
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you think that, like, why would you say that
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to a young couple? I would say speaking your
3:53
mind and talking through something or even like
3:56
a little argument is not unhealthy. If you hold
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it in and if you wait until you blow up or if
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you never say it all, then you're hurt and it
4:05
does more damage internally and to the relationship
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than it does to speak up. Now, when you speak
4:11
up, are you mean? No. but do you say it in a
4:15
respectful way? Absolutely. And then the more
4:18
you do that, the smaller your circle gets and
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you get back to good super quick because you
4:24
get closer to each other. It's just like a best
4:26
friend. You learn how to, if you disagree with
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your best friend, like y 'all are still best
4:32
friends. Same thing with your spouse, but stronger
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should be. Yeah. You think it's just, there's
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a level of trust there that you have to build
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as a young couple or. Absolutely. Any new relationship.
4:43
We have to figure out how each person handles
4:45
conflict or disagreement, too. You know, like,
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do your feelings get hurt? Does it take time
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for you to process the argument? Or do you just
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like, okay, well, it's over. We're back to normal.
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You know what I mean? Like, everybody's totally
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different. Okay. This is not what I had planned
5:07
to talk about tonight, but this is really good
5:08
because I've been listening to a lot of things
5:11
about this lately, just conversation and whatnot.
5:14
How to work through conflict. Do you think it's
5:17
easier for adults who are young newlyweds? Let
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me phrase this. How do I want to say this? If
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a child grows up in a divorced home or a home
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that has some type of discontent, do you think
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it's harder for them as an adult to express their
5:37
frustrations because they're afraid to ignite
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what happened? Is there? That was me. Yeah. That
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was me. My parents fought and argued all the
5:46
time. My dad was abusive and not a loving dad
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to my mom. And so that's what I saw in a marriage.
5:57
That's what I saw in a relationship. Let me preface
6:01
with that. I knew that wasn't healthy, and I
6:02
knew that was not the way marriage was supposed
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to be. My mom took amazing care of us, and we
6:08
didn't go home to an unhappy. I just want to
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say that. I'm not struggling with my childhood.
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But I do think that when you say that your whole
6:24
life, that's definitely not what you want when
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you're an adult. And so you hesitate. I mean,
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that's what the counselor told me. She was telling
6:31
me about your childhood. And I told her, and
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she was like, that's why you don't want to speak
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up. Same. That's why you don't want to, because
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you think it's going to lead to. Well, I don't,
6:43
I don't like you. Like, you know, like it's going
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to lead to that. It's called turmoil in that
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relationship. And it doesn't have to just like
6:50
a friendship. Do you think that that, that type
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of situation you grew up in as a child parlays
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into your friendships too, and your ability to
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navigate conflict and friendships, or is it only
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with loved ones? I feel like in like me personally,
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I've never really had a bunch of. We've never
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had conflict with friendships, really. But I
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feel like personally with me, it was always like
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in a relationship, like a. Yeah. Like a romantic
7:21
relationship. Yes. And I guess it's because that's
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what I saw, like my mom and dad, you know, me
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and my brothers got along. So it wasn't like
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a friend thing, you know, like we got along.
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So I didn't. I don't know. No, that makes sense.
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I've never had that really with friendships either.
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like yeah i mean like friendship's always been
7:44
really smooth but um i remember early on you
7:47
know there was that uh was it chicken alfredo
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alfredo noodles that i i didn't really care for
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the flavor for a long time and um you kept making
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it and i kept not saying it because you didn't
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want to hurt my feelings i didn't want to hurt
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your feelings and when he told me like it hurt
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my feelings more that you didn't tell me it was
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like 10 years seven literally seven years seven
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years in tibet um seven years in alfredo still
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make it by the way guys yeah and now we're making
8:13
it and three years later yeah but now i boldly
8:16
put season yes right in front of me just like
8:19
the whole yeah um anyway anyway okay so i don't
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know why we start i don't know what happened
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because you were mean to me last night oh that's
8:28
what it was yeah um anyway what were we gonna
8:32
talk about getting old and well we were um before
8:37
we go there like you know we've opened up The
8:39
intro to this show is always different every
8:41
time. And I always get nervous. And I listen
8:44
to these shows, like these professional shows,
8:46
and some of them are like, this is the blah,
8:49
blah, blah podcast, episode 428. It's like Law
8:52
and Order. You like the intro to Law and Order.
8:54
It's so boring. But it's extremely popular. And
8:56
you have some guys that come in, they don't even
8:57
have an intro. They just start talking. And so
9:00
I'm always curious. I'm curious what the audience
9:02
would think. What intro really hooks people?
9:05
I don't really care. Except for, I do remember
9:09
Full House intro was really, that's not a podcast,
9:14
but it's a TV show. And Fresh Prince of Bel -Air,
9:16
that intro is super cool. So if we come up with
9:18
something like that. Like a dance and a song?
9:22
It doesn't have to be a dance. They opened up
9:25
straight into a scene. Didn't they? They did.
9:30
And then the intro, didn't they have the whole
9:32
thing? The music. The music. Whatever. We do
9:35
that too, though. I always pull a little segment
9:38
ahead. Yeah, that's true. Okay. Good job. Good
9:41
job. Damn, it's good. So anyway, gosh, we are
9:45
so not professional at this. Hey, did you know
9:49
that I am still, I'm in the top 10 for that top
9:55
host podcast. I know, I need to vote for you.
9:56
I don't think anybody's voting because the order
9:59
has not changed and I've not voted in a couple
10:02
of days. I'm not sure it's real. I still think
10:06
it's a scam, but I'm in there. And the voting
10:09
closes when this airs tonight or tomorrow night.
10:15
I got a haircut yesterday. I like it. Thank you.
10:18
But the top post is part of the Ryan Seacrest
10:21
Foundation. And anyway, it closes tomorrow night
10:23
for the top 10. I made the top 15. I've been
10:26
number six for three weeks. So we'll see. It'd
10:31
be so funny to win that if it's actually real.
10:33
I don't think it's real. They can't falsify him.
10:36
I don't know. Anyway, maybe we'll be on Wheel
10:39
of Fortune with him. Anyway, that is not the
10:43
point of this episode tonight. So last weekend,
10:46
we had a rare Saturday off in the morning. Yeah,
10:50
in the morning. You know, because the cross -country
10:52
season is winding down, and George didn't have
10:55
to be on the bus at 530, Coach Schmidt. He had
10:59
to go 530 bus to go to Decatur. Anyway. Kidding.
11:03
Love that lady. She's doing a good job. He is
11:05
amazing. But we got to sleep in a little bit.
11:07
And it was a gorgeous day. It was like 50 degrees
11:11
at sunrise and turned out to be about 75. But
11:14
I had, in my workout plan, I had to take a long
11:18
walk, a long hike. Right? And so I was like,
11:22
hey, do you want to go with me? It's going to
11:24
be a nice day. And at first you were like, no.
11:25
I was like, no. Like, you're going to take a
11:28
walk in the woods? No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm
11:30
going to lay in this bed right here. So I got
11:33
up. I did a workout. I had to catch up. I had
11:36
two things to do that day. The second part was
11:39
a ruck, which is new to me. Rucking is like hiking
11:45
with a really heavy bag. So I carried this monster
11:48
bag that we have. It's a big backpack. It's for
11:51
the apocalypse. You're not supposed to talk about
11:54
the apocalypse bag. You can't say it that way.
11:56
Because then people know if the apocalypse happens,
11:58
they know we've got a bag. Anyway. You are terrible
12:04
at keeping secrets. Anyway, so we went out to
12:07
Wheeler Refuge. They've got this new trail, new
12:10
-ish, that goes about five miles from 67 out
12:14
to the river, or just to Flint Creek. And so
12:17
we were out there, and you were on call. Let
12:22
me back up real quick. Okay. So, like, I didn't
12:25
want to go. I wanted to lay in the bed because,
12:27
like, I actually really like just chilling in
12:29
the bed. And like I'll wake up for about five
12:31
minutes, fiddle part of my phone and then go
12:33
back to bed and sleep like an hour and then get
12:35
back up. And I had pulled a muscle in my ribs
12:37
or something. Anyway, it was not good. And so
12:40
then I was laying there and then I got up and
12:42
I posted a few items on Vinted. And then I was
12:45
like, I need to hang out with Houston. Like I
12:47
need to say yes and go with him. And so also
12:50
wives, girlfriends, even if you don't want to
12:53
do it. If you know it'll make them happy and
12:58
if you know that they enjoy something, sometimes
13:00
you just got to get up and do it. Okay? That's
13:03
my plug on that. Yeah. It was really fun, actually.
13:06
Yeah. I appreciate you saying that because...
13:08
You're welcome. And it will eventually get to
13:11
the point of this show, but to that point, though,
13:15
one day last week... I think my laugh is really
13:19
loud in here. It gets loud. It's okay. Okay.
13:23
The weekend before that, you were at the beach
13:25
with your mom. And so typically when Kyla is
13:28
gone for the weekend or on a trip, we probably
13:32
don't keep the house as clean as we would if
13:34
you were here, but we make sure it is before
13:37
you get home. Yes, I love it. I appreciate that.
13:39
And I know that you keep a super, super clean
13:42
home. You do a good job of keeping us in order.
13:44
So it was the Monday, and of course Rowan had
13:47
to go to school, and we were just talking before
13:49
we went to school, which is a beautiful part
13:51
of... our new our new normal yeah is i've had
13:54
more conversations with that kid before eight
13:56
o 'clock than his whole life but he was asking
13:59
what i was doing that day and i said well i gotta
14:01
do this this and this and i had some work to
14:02
do but also there was some laundry and some cleaning
14:05
and some other things and he said do you enjoy
14:07
all those things um housework you know and i'm
14:11
like well enjoy no But it honors your mother
14:15
because it's important to her. And I said, do
14:18
I enjoy it? No, I'd rather do a lot of things
14:20
and sweep and mop. Yeah, I really don't enjoy
14:23
it. I said, but that's part of a marriage. It's
14:27
like you do things to honor your spouse. That
14:29
is their love language. You know, you know, I
14:32
said, just, it makes her happy when she goes
14:33
home and the house is in order. Yeah. The sink
14:36
is empty, you know, whatever. So I hope that
14:40
he heard that. He did. He listens. In a way of
14:43
like, you know, in some years when he's married,
14:46
he understands. It is part of that. So, you know,
14:50
when you text me, you're like, yeah, I'll go.
14:53
I'll go with you. I was super excited. Do you
14:55
do like a little jig? Do you dance a little jig?
14:58
Jump over there and click your heels? Yeah. Do
15:00
you remember on Saturday Night Live, I think
15:02
his name was Stewie, the weirdo guy, and he was
15:05
like, look what I can do. He was always doing
15:07
some stupid stuff, and he jumped up and clicked
15:09
his heels? Yeah. You did that? No, I didn't do
15:12
that. But I was excited. I was excited because
15:15
the other option was riding a bike for a long
15:17
way. I didn't really want to do that. I wanted
15:18
to go walk with you in the woods. And so that's
15:20
what we did. Took a walk in the woods. Took a
15:22
walk in the woods. Went walking. So we're out
15:27
there. It was a gorgeous day. But you were on
15:29
call at the hospital, which is not a big deal.
15:33
No. And a couple different times you got a call.
15:35
Actually, you had to step away to handle it,
15:37
you know, because the HIPAA rules and stuff.
15:39
I can't hear what's going on. So you would just
15:43
walk, you know, kind of far behind or something.
15:45
And so I'd keep going to catch up. But after
15:47
one of those, you came back and you didn't, of
15:51
course, you didn't say anything about the patient,
15:52
but you talked about having to assess them and
15:54
figure out what folks need. That's your job.
15:57
You know, it's just to get folks what they need,
15:59
when they need it and whatnot. So that made me
16:03
think about mom. You know, she passed a year
16:07
ago in July. And so, of course, she battled with
16:11
Alzheimer's. Of course, it ran in her family,
16:14
and it actually runs in my dad's side of the
16:15
family, too. So we joke about that all the time.
16:20
And it runs in my family, guys. We're running.
16:22
We're running. We should have had more kids.
16:25
They would run in their family, too. I know,
16:29
but they could just share the load of taking
16:31
care of us. Oh, okay. And I was like, well. The
16:34
more you have, the more it affects. Yeah. Robin's
16:40
going to marry an amazing girl. With no brain
16:43
issues. Yeah. And she's going to take care of
16:47
us. Yeah. Hopefully. So anyway, it made me start
16:51
thinking about when Mom was in Decatur General
16:53
for the last time, before she went back to Summerford,
16:55
where she passed. I was just thinking about all
16:58
the care and all the stuff that the social workers
17:00
did there to take care of and get her out. And
17:02
all the things. But then I remember, for some
17:05
reason, we got on the conversation with Mom.
17:07
And what it was like trying to figure out what
17:11
was going on with her at some point. Like, you
17:14
know, she was always kind of sick and, you know,
17:17
different things. But we kind of thought there
17:20
was a mental issue going on. And we had a leg
17:23
up. Like a cognitive issue. Yeah, yeah. Not she
17:26
was crazy. Just a cognitive and, like, Alzheimer's
17:28
and dementia. Long before she ever had any testing
17:31
done, we kind of thought, eh, there's something
17:33
cooking there. And I remember that. And I remember
17:38
over the years you talked about assessing patients
17:40
and different things you do. And so as we were
17:43
walking back, I was just curious. I was like,
17:47
what does it look like to assess a patient for
17:49
care? And you're like, okay. or like to determine
17:54
if they have like memory deficits and things
17:56
like that yep and then then it made me think
17:58
about you know we're in our mid -40s and our
18:00
all of our friends either their parents have
18:02
passed on or they're getting getting older they're
18:05
in their 70s and maybe some 80s and so you know
18:08
likely they are going to experience some of those
18:11
same things you know sure and so i thought well
18:14
okay so you know the best dash collective is
18:16
sure like you can talk about people winning and
18:18
overcoming things but sometimes like it's just
18:20
how do i really survive this moment Yeah. And
18:24
how do I navigate that? Because when you, when
18:27
you become the caretaker for your adult parents,
18:29
when you're an adult child taking care of your
18:32
parent, like that's a whole dynamic that, you
18:35
know, we're certainly not the first. No. And
18:38
also like we, you've, you've now done it twice.
18:42
Like your, your dad was married, but so it was
18:44
a little bit different then. And we were much
18:45
younger, but like you've done it twice and you're
18:48
only 46. So like, that's kind of crazy too. You
18:50
normally don't do it that soon. in your life
18:54
you know so um we've had experience twice and
18:57
then of course my dad so and my grandparents
19:00
yeah yeah we literally have no we have we have
19:03
one of four parents and yeah no grandparents
19:06
left um yeah mama kim you better stay around
19:10
girl she's a coyote she'll live for it yeah but
19:14
but it's the thing and so you know as we go and
19:16
i'm sure lots of folks out there would have you
19:18
know people listen to this have experiences they've
19:20
dealt with somebody but if you're new to the
19:23
situation and you're getting there and you can't
19:25
look at your mom or your dad, your love, and
19:26
you're like, you know, what are they doing? Like,
19:29
that's not right. You know, it's like maybe,
19:31
maybe the goofy, maybe, maybe they've been sipping
19:33
a little bit or maybe they haven't eaten today
19:35
or, or, or is something new going on. So I thought,
19:42
well, Hey, I said, while we were walking in the
19:44
woods with that really heavy backpack, I thought,
19:47
let's, let's have a session on a podcast. Cause
19:50
we would do. a me and you show let's talk about
19:53
what it looks like to the warning signs or the
19:56
early indicators and something that people could
19:59
do at home that's informal and certainly not
20:01
a medical evaluation you know this is not medical
20:04
advice but this is just hey is is mama just enjoying
20:07
the day and having a good time or is is she a
20:10
little bit you know it's her it's her forgetfulness
20:13
just forgetfulness or is it like some kind of
20:17
cognitive impairment and so yeah so I clearly
20:20
don't diagnose people. I'm a bachelor's level
20:22
social worker. Only physicians do that. But so
20:25
I was like, there's a test that we do with patients.
20:29
And I was like, I should do it to you and just
20:30
see how you do. And so we're going to do it.
20:34
He does not know these questions. And let me
20:36
just say to like, we, I have people in the hospital
20:40
that. were like engineers and i also have people
20:43
who went to ninth grade so it's the same test
20:46
for everybody and so there is a level on like
20:48
there's a thing on the bottom that says like
20:50
if you have less than a high school education
20:52
the score is a little bit different like it determines
20:55
um it's a little different and then if you a
20:59
high school education or above then Your score
21:03
determine it determines something different too.
21:04
So I'm just saying like I didn't know that yeah,
21:07
so yeah Because if you if you went to the eighth
21:10
grade and you can't read or write well Then you're
21:11
not gonna be able to do some of this so like
21:13
that's the whole it's not fair Because you don't
21:15
you don't want them to be labeled as having a
21:18
cognitive issue. Yeah when they just can't do
21:20
it Yeah, so we're gonna do it and guys again
21:23
This isn't like it's something you can diagnose
21:25
with but a lot of times like if in the hospital
21:27
if somebody is You know, if the doctor's like,
21:29
eh, they're kind of, I don't really know if it's
21:31
like a UTI causing their confusion or if this
21:34
is something like that might be permanent or
21:36
whatever. And a lot of times confusion clears
21:38
up. So let me throw that out there too. And I
21:39
would say too, before you get started on this,
21:41
and just in good scientific terms, like do this
21:45
a couple of times. Like, don't do it one time
21:47
for your loved one. Like, oh, they've got Alzheimer's.
21:50
You know, or start worrying about it. Like, hey,
21:52
maybe they're just having a bad day. Maybe they
21:54
haven't had their creatine that day. We'll talk
21:55
about that in a minute. And don't train them
21:57
either, though. Because if you train them and
21:58
they memorize it, then it's not legit. Yeah.
22:01
But just, you want to be careful. Because I think
22:05
we probably went too far with mom in just trying
22:08
to wait and see what happened. You know, like,
22:11
I can get a little bit. And then we let it go
22:13
on a little too long before we really started
22:15
investigating it. like with medical professionals.
22:18
Well, it's hard. It's hard to, to, to be like,
22:20
um, you've got this going on. Your, your independence
22:24
is about to be, you know, that's hard to do as
22:27
a child to your 70 year old parent, you know?
22:30
So I think that's another thing too. Yeah. That
22:33
was, that was something I was really worried
22:34
about. And hers was like a boom. It was a cliff.
22:38
Yeah. So a lot of people's is like slower. And
22:43
then you have some that's like, Yeah, she jumped
22:46
off in there. Yeah. Everybody's different, by
22:48
the way. And this is, again, it's not a diagnosis,
22:50
but it's just fun. It's also fun. I love to do
22:53
these at work. I think I might be the only social
22:55
worker that likes to go do a slums test with
22:58
somebody. What's it called? Slums. Like SLU?
23:01
Yes. So we're slum. Yes. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah.
23:09
We used to do them. years ago, like 20 years
23:12
ago, we did the mini mental, but it was copyrighted.
23:14
And so you can't just do that. So this one's
23:17
a little more difficult. And so it's, um, I guess
23:20
they feel it's more accurate. So you ready? Um,
23:23
yeah. And I just, I just want to point out y
23:25
'all that I am a sound minded body and I, there's
23:29
nothing wrong with me. So if I end up, if she
23:31
sticks me in a home, that's what people with
23:32
dementia say, they don't know. No, they don't
23:35
know. No, uh, no, I'm pretty sure I'm going to
23:38
pass this test, but I'm just saying like, if
23:39
she tries cheating, If y 'all see her post on
23:42
the socials that she stuck me in a home, it's
23:45
not real. Come get me. I'm just putting it out
23:49
there. Okay. So, ready? Yeah, ready as I ought
23:53
to be. Can you tell me what day of the week it
23:56
is? It's Wednesday. It's Wednesday. What year
24:02
is it? 2026. What state do you live in? Alabama.
24:06
Okay. I'm going to give you five words. Okay.
24:10
I want you to remember them because I'm going
24:12
to ask you again for them later. How much later?
24:15
That's not getting on your business. Okay. Apple,
24:18
pen, tie, house, car. Okay. Okay. All right.
24:26
Next question. You have $100. You go to the store.
24:30
This is hard. And you spend $3 on apples. Yeah.
24:33
And $20 on a tricycle. How much did you spend?
24:38
$23. How much do you have left? $77. Okay. Name
24:44
as many animals as you can for me in one minute.
24:46
In one minute. Go. Ready? Kangaroo, aardvark,
24:50
elephant, zebra, dolphin, orca, squirrel, chipmunk,
24:56
coyote. Did I say kangaroo already? First one.
24:59
I like kangaroos. Tiger, lion, bear, monkey,
25:06
seal, fish, rainbow fish. Okay. That's max. Oh,
25:12
what was the max? 15 plus. Good job. Okay. Okay.
25:15
What were the five words I asked you to remember
25:17
earlier? Apple, pen, tie, house. I want to say
25:23
car. Good job. Was that it? Was that the five?
25:26
I mean, it was tricky. I was worried about that
25:28
last one. Okay. I'm going to give you a series
25:29
of numbers and I want you to give them to me
25:32
backwards. For example, if I say 24, you give
25:35
me 42. Okay. 87. 78. 649. nine four six eight
25:44
85 37 73 58 okay oh this part you have to draw
25:53
a clock so we're not going to draw a clock but
25:55
clearly i know how i know that you know how to
25:56
draw a clock and you have to make it 10 minutes
25:59
till 11. okay can i just do it on the wall right
26:01
here yeah there's a wall so 10 minutes to 11.
26:04
so the long hand is on the on the 50 right and
26:09
then the the shorthand is on the 11. almost on
26:13
the 11. yeah Right? Okay. Okay. Which one of
26:18
these is the triangle? The middle one. Which
26:21
is the biggest one, the largest? The one on the
26:24
left, the square. Okay, good job. All right,
26:27
so I'm going to tell you a story. Okay. Okay,
26:29
listen closely because I'm going to ask you some
26:30
questions after about it, okay? Okay. Okay. Jill
26:35
was a very successful stockbroker. She made a
26:38
lot of money on the stock market. She then met
26:40
Jack, a devastatingly handsome man. She married...
26:44
and they had three children. They lived in Chicago.
26:48
She then stopped work to raise her children.
26:51
When they were teenagers, she went back to work.
26:55
She and Jack lived happily ever after. Okay.
26:59
Okay. What was the female's name? Jill. What
27:02
kind of work did she do? Stockbroker. What state
27:05
did she live in? Illinois. And when did she go
27:09
back to work? When the kids were teenagers. Okay.
27:13
Good job. That's it. That's the test. That's
27:16
the whole test? Oh, okay. Yeah. So you scored
27:19
a 30. Is 30 the max? 30 out of 30. You know,
27:23
that was not as easy as I would think it would
27:24
be. No, and that's the thing, guys. Like, you
27:26
go in, you're 46, and you have zero memory problems.
27:30
But, like, you go in, and these people are already
27:33
sick. They're older most of the time. You know,
27:38
and then they're like, oh, my gosh, you're giving
27:40
me a test. And then they get anxious, which makes
27:43
it worse. for them, you know? And so anyway,
27:47
so that's the little test. So you can find that
27:50
on the internet. It's called the slums exam.
27:53
But yeah, so that's it. But it's, it's hard.
27:57
That is hard. It's hard. The five words, especially
28:00
like, I don't know that I, I would do it. I would
28:02
know them because I say them all the time, but
28:04
like, anyway, it's a difficult thing for, for
28:07
older people. It really is. Yeah. That, that
28:12
was actually really hard. To be honest with you.
28:15
Yeah, I know. We say it all the time. We're like,
28:17
it's not fair. Yeah, I can imagine if you're
28:19
sick and out of it and hadn't eaten right and
28:22
whatever. Yeah. Okay, so what would you say to
28:26
people who, like, this is not medical advice,
28:31
okay? This is not medical advice at all. But
28:33
what would you say to folks who are in this situation
28:36
who think, oh, maybe there's an issue, but the
28:40
loved one is. often stubborn they think they
28:43
think they're fine you know they don't they're
28:45
not ready for that kind of um journey like how
28:50
do how do the caretakers navigate that in the
28:55
most sensitive most appropriate most and i say
28:58
respectful way to their likely their parents
29:01
well so the biggest thing is like when you notice
29:03
deficits like if they become like argumentative
29:05
or um a lot of times our personalities change
29:09
in the beginning probably probably not you just
29:11
notice like little bitty forgiveness things and
29:13
you try to like you try to just help with those
29:15
things or maybe um like do little reminders or
29:20
like make a calendar or like just things to help
29:22
um but then later on of course you i mean they
29:28
may not want help, but I mean, you have to, like,
29:31
that's our job. That's our job is to take care
29:32
of people. And when it gets to a point where
29:34
they're not safe at home, that's when you really
29:36
have to step in. But there are so many things
29:38
available. You know, there's sitter services,
29:41
assisted livings, skilled nursing facilities,
29:43
like you name it, there's all the things. So
29:46
there are things, there are services out there.
29:48
But the biggest thing when it gets to a point,
29:51
like I remember, and it's so hard, it's so hard
29:53
not to argue because you like. some of it makes
29:56
no sense what they're saying but like just go
29:58
along with it go along with them you know like
30:01
i remember he used to call me one day when his
30:04
mom was in the hospital he's like i had to get
30:05
out i had to get out like you know sometimes
30:07
they'll say like crazy off the wall things inappropriate
30:09
things like you just never know what's going
30:11
to come out of their mouths but you just never
30:13
argue with them um because even though they're
30:17
confused they still have feelings like they still
30:19
have the same feelings that we do you know yeah
30:22
that was tough i remember when My mom's mom,
30:25
Grandma Frost, she had a very slow decline. Sweet,
30:30
sweet lady. And thankfully, my mom had three
30:33
siblings to kind of carry the load. And I'm going
30:38
to say, well, I'm not going to say that. But
30:43
she had a long, slow decline. But mom would argue
30:45
with her about everything. Well, so many people
30:48
do because, I mean, we're human, you know. But
30:51
it's also just like. uneducated like we don't
30:55
we don't know that you don't know that you know
30:57
like if they're like oh well that's the shirt
31:00
is the prettiest pink shirt i've ever seen you're
31:04
like oh my gosh it is that is so pretty like
31:07
it doesn't even matter even if it's not pink
31:09
yes yeah yeah it doesn't matter if the shirt's
31:12
pink like you know you just have to pick and
31:14
choose they might eat five lunches they don't
31:19
know they ate yeah and they're hungry let them
31:21
eat you know like Just little things like that.
31:24
And it's so hard, I know, as a caregiver. But
31:26
if it's not going to hurt them, go along with
31:30
it. That's my biggest thing. My biggest thing.
31:33
I think that's what we did really well with mom.
31:35
Yeah, once we figured it out, for sure. Yeah,
31:37
there were times when she, bless her heart, not
31:40
eating was the first thing I noticed. Yeah. Like
31:43
she just, she lost like 30 pounds. Yeah. I was
31:45
like, what are you doing? Like you've taken this
31:46
before GOPs and all those are like, what are
31:49
you doing? Uh, but she would just, she's like,
31:51
Oh, I just, I just got busy and forgot to eat.
31:53
And I'm like, what'd you do all day? I don't
31:54
know. Like, well, you can't be busy and forget
31:57
to eat and don't remember what you did. And so,
31:59
and then she would, um, go places and like. just
32:04
forget where she went yeah you know so we put
32:06
her on life 360 which is something like that
32:09
too like those are things too like life 360 is
32:12
available and they don't know they don't have
32:14
to know how to work it for you to put it on their
32:15
phone and you follow them right no we were very
32:18
sneaky um so the funny thing is before that i
32:22
had given my mom a life 360 circle with just
32:25
me and her yeah because she was always calling
32:28
me like where are you what are you doing today
32:29
i'm like I'm not telling, you know, I'm not,
32:32
I'm not playing 20 questions. You know, he was
32:35
like, you should have asked me. Yeah. I traveled
32:37
a lot at the time for work. And so I gave it
32:39
to her and then she would text me. She was like,
32:41
Oh, what's going on? And wherever I'm at. And
32:43
it was so funny because like with his previous
32:46
job, like he traveled a lot. And so I'll be really
32:48
honest. This is bad. But like, sometimes I didn't
32:50
even know, like I knew he was traveling, but
32:51
I didn't really pay attention because it was
32:53
his job. So there you go. And she'd be like,
32:56
have you heard from Houston? He made it to Montgomery
32:58
or wherever. And I was like, Thank you for letting
33:02
me know. She'd be the one telling me where he
33:04
was. Yeah. Kept up with you. That was so funny.
33:07
But then the tables turned and she was kind of
33:10
having some issues, like had her own life 360.
33:13
Cause there's a couple of times she was somewhere
33:16
and she called and she couldn't remember how
33:19
to get home. Yeah. You know, and we walked her
33:22
through that. And one time she got, here's an
33:27
interesting point. Like, so if you think that
33:29
your loved one is having these kinds of issues,
33:32
and you're watching them, is it common to see
33:35
when they get into a stressful situation that
33:37
it like almost accelerates it or it comes out
33:40
more or maybe they can't hide it as well? Remember
33:43
that time we were coming back from basketball
33:44
and mom like fogged up her whole window and she
33:48
just like pulled into the median? Yeah. You remember
33:51
that? You were behind her or something. Yeah,
33:53
I had to pull. It was so foggy and it was raining
33:56
and she couldn't figure out how to turn her defrost.
34:00
She couldn't find the defrost button in her car.
34:02
And her windshield was, y 'all, like it was,
34:04
you could not see out of it. She pulled into
34:06
the middle median at a merge turn lane. Like
34:10
in the grass. Like it was dangerous. So I pulled
34:13
in right behind her so she didn't get hit. Jumped
34:16
out of my car. And I was like, what? This was
34:19
before I even knew. We didn't really know at
34:20
that point. I was like, Maya, what are you doing?
34:23
You know, like I was probably mean because I
34:25
was like flipping out because I thought we were
34:26
going to get, we were ended. We were all going
34:28
to die. But then that's when we were like, you
34:32
can't, we, we told her, we're like, you can't
34:34
drive at night anymore. But she, she took all
34:37
that so easily. Like she was really good about
34:38
all of that. She was. Is that, is that common?
34:42
Is it, is it more common with females to just
34:45
accept? Oh, I can't, I can't do this by the.
34:48
Men are more difficult. That makes sense. And
34:51
I think everybody would understand why. They're
34:54
more, they're prideful, prideful, but like more.
34:57
Yeah, they're prideful. Men want to be the responsible
35:00
ones, take care of everything. So, yeah, it's
35:02
harder for men to give up their independence,
35:03
for sure. Yeah, so I think it was right after
35:05
that situation that I started watching live.
35:08
Yeah, we were like, something's going on. Something's
35:10
going on. It was a weird moment. I remember one
35:13
time, right before she stopped driving, before
35:16
we took her keys, she called me. She said she
35:18
was going somewhere, and I was on the phone with
35:22
her, and she was driving somewhere around downtown
35:25
Moulton. And she said she was going to Walmart,
35:28
and Walmart was the opposite direction. Yeah.
35:30
And then, so I'm talking to her, and then, like,
35:32
she got home, and she was like, yeah, Walmart
35:34
was good. I got some so -and -so's or whatever.
35:36
And I'm thinking, woman, you didn't go to Walmart.
35:40
Yeah. She never, she just drove her little apartment
35:42
down by Bobby Ray's and up a couple streets over.
35:48
Yeah. And then just, it was like eight minutes.
35:51
And went right back home. She's like, well, I'm
35:53
home. Went to Walmart. And I'm like, oh, my God,
35:56
no, you didn't. And so, you know, and we kind
35:58
of knew at that point, like, something was coming
35:59
up. And we'd had a couple of late nights at the
36:01
hospital. So it was just, it was weird. It was
36:04
just getting there. But anyway, what advice would
36:08
you give to folks just on how to handle all of
36:11
that? When you know, because you don't really
36:15
come back from it. Like, you don't get over it.
36:17
Yeah. You know, you don't beat it. Yeah. There's
36:20
no cure. Yeah. Sadly. What advice would you say
36:24
to folks? trying to work through that. Yeah.
36:28
I would just say, well, number one, lean on other
36:30
people to help you too. You know, like that's
36:32
the thing you can't do it all by yourself. And
36:34
then there are so many resources out there. There
36:36
are again, facilities, all the things start with
36:39
home health, have a nurse coming out, social
36:41
worker coming out. they can keep their eyes on
36:45
your person too. But then when it comes to the
36:46
point where they're just unsafe again, you just
36:48
have to, I mean, you have to make a step either.
36:50
Someone has to be with them 24 seven, you know?
36:53
I mean, and, and sadly it's, it's a part of life
36:56
for so many people. Yeah. So many people, you
36:58
know, um, yeah. Safety is the biggest thing.
37:03
Like I always think of, is it safe for that person
37:05
to be at home alone? Can they have the stove
37:07
working? Unplug their stove. Unplug the stove.
37:09
If it's a dank, unplug that thing. You know what
37:11
I mean? Put cameras in the house. Cameras in
37:14
the house to watch them. Make sure they're not
37:16
falling. Live 360. Like, there are lots of little
37:18
things that you can do in the beginning stages.
37:21
Middle end, you got to make some tougher decisions.
37:24
Yeah. You know? Yeah, absolutely. And we did.
37:27
And, you know, I'm so thankful. I don't know
37:29
if any of my aunts or my uncle listened to this.
37:33
I know. I know Debra Frost does. But, like, what
37:36
was so cool, you know. Mike and Debbie, so my
37:40
mom's brother and sister -in -law, lived like,
37:42
as a crow flies, maybe a football field away
37:44
from her. It took you longer to drive there.
37:48
I said so close. Oh, yeah, so close. And then
37:50
her sister Jan and her sister Debbie lived a
37:52
little farther out. But, man, they did such a
37:55
good job of taking care of her. So I'm really
37:57
thankful for that. It's good. So a couple of
38:01
studies I've read or heard recently about if
38:05
your loved one is going to retire soon, make
38:08
sure they stay engaged. Like give them something
38:10
to do, like a little job. And even if they're
38:13
physically unable to do something, like mind
38:16
games, like brain puzzles, you know, like the
38:20
search of words, crossword puzzles, heck, play
38:23
tic -tac -toe, like something to keep them thinking.
38:26
Family feud, like on TV. I think, like, when
38:31
I worked at the nurse's home, like, I'd walk
38:32
in and all that. You know, a lot of them have,
38:34
like, the game show network on and all that.
38:36
That's great. Like, anything that keeps their
38:38
little minds going. But, of course, physical
38:40
health keeps your mental health going, too. So
38:42
that's important if they can physically get out
38:44
and walk. We told your mom for probably five
38:46
years to walk. We were like, just walk. You just
38:48
got to walk. I think she would have lived a better
38:52
life. But her heart was also unhealthy. So, anyway,
38:54
you have all the things going against you. But,
38:56
anyway, yeah. Just, yeah, I agree with you. When
39:00
you retire, stay active. I think that's why a
39:03
lot of folks, teachers, they retire, then they
39:05
go back to work. Yeah. Doing something else.
39:07
They can't stop that. Okay. Well, that got a
39:10
little deep for a minute. You know, we started
39:13
talking about loved ones and those things. But
39:16
I'm glad. I'm so glad that you were part of my
39:20
life. For a lot of reasons, I'm so glad you're
39:22
part of my life. But especially in that moment.
39:24
Man, it was tricky. So make sure, you know. I
39:29
just hope you know I appreciate that. You know,
39:30
it was a long year and a half ago. But anyway,
39:32
it was good. It was good. All right. Well, this
39:37
has been – I hope you guys remember all of these
39:39
things we've said about taking care of – I wrote
39:42
the test down. I hope you wrote the slums. Go
39:44
slumming with your loved ones and make sure that
39:47
they're okay. But, yeah, this has been a good
39:51
episode. Kind of impromptu, but we're getting
39:55
into the holiday season and, you know, some of
39:57
that stuff. It's hard to navigate those things
39:59
in the holiday season, especially as folks get
40:02
older and move on. But anyway, we appreciate
40:05
you guys listening. Remember, we've got a really
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good sponsor, JB Quick Mobile Service. Come take
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40:48
Yep. Check us out. Y 'all be good. Remember,
40:50
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40:54
to make yours count. See you next time. Bye.