Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #22: Apologies to Boyfriends Past

Transcript

Happy Hour #22: Apologies to Boyfriends Past · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Never told your protection of I Heart Radio. It is Thursday,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: which means it's time for another happy hour. And despite
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: the title on this one, I think this one's gonna
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: be fun. Um, So I'm commiserating perfect despite the title. Yes, yes,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: I happen to like the title. But I also like
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: a lot of sad things, so that's you know, whatever,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: what are you sitting on, Samantha. You know what, I'm
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: gonna keep it simple and get one of my favorite
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: white wines. Pretty much the only white wine that I'll
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: ever drink is Vino Verde and it's the Traitor Joe version.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: So you've been classier. Yeah, and it's kind of got
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: that definitely a lot more tart than your typical white wines,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: as well as a lot more clean to me than
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: because I don't like a lot of like the the
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: smoky wood ish taste that happens that buttery. It's not
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: that at all. But yeah, and it's super cheap, so cheers.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: It's super cold because Atlanta is super hot. Yes, actually,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I was going to get wine because I feel like
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: this is a very wine. I know, it's a cliche,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: but like to reminisce over past relationships over wine. But
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: we've been recording for about four hours now and we're
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: in my closet and it's so hot. So I switched
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: up my drink and I'm going to get some judgment
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: for this one, but I love this. It is a
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: little bit of vodka pickle juice, saratcha, it's sparkling water.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I had to get really creative because I never have
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: any fixers. And when this guy sent me a bunch
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: of pickles, that's a story for a different day, but
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I had a lot of pickles. I was like, what
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: what can I eat? Mix this with? And I was like,
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I have a bunch of pickle juice. So I started
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: putting it my drinks and I find it very refreshing.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: But I know it's odd. Um. It is something I
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: loved as a kid. I love to drink just pickle juice.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: A lot of people do. I love pickles, but I'm
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: very picky about my pickles and I'll only eat one
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: brand because to me, the rest of them are too uh,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: soggy and sad. So I'll only eat one brand, one type.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: And I have to stock up because apparently they run
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: out of this one brand every time if you don't
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: get it immediately. I even followed them on Twitter. Don't
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: start with me. There's no shame. I won't drink that,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: but there's no shame. It's very refreshing. I'm good. I
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: almost lying about it. I was almost not going to.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I have to be open and honest. That's a this
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: episode is about. And as always, drink responsibly if you
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: choose to do so. Yeah, we just want you all
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: to hang out with us. And I think this is
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: something that a lot of us can relate to, because
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: what I wanted to talk about today is something I
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: have been kind of mulling over and I think a
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: lot of people have throughout this quarantine um and in
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: my case specifically, as I've learned more about myself and
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: how I identify and more about mindfulness, some things that
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I would have done differently I wish I had known
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: when I was younger and in relationships. So I do
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: want to say I know a lot of people get
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: a little um angry about when women apologize, and especially
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: in a case like this where it's like apologies to
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: boyfriends past. It's not coming from the sense that I
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: feel that I did anything wrong Necessarily. I think I
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: just wasn't in a good place or you know, like
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I was learning, or we're in different places at different times,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: so maybe I did do things wrong. But it's more
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: of like a almost an apology to myself but also
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: the person that I did care about and in some
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: cases still do care about, that I didn't have the
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: tools or awareness then and that I might have hurt
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: that person. But it's coming much for from a place
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: of like I've healed and moved on and just kind
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: of like, hey, if it wasn't a weird thing to do,
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I would apologize to you for this thing. That's nice. Yeah. See,
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: Samantha and I am very different break up attitudes because
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I have seen most of the people I've broken up with,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: especially if we dated for a while like after and
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: more than once after. This is not how you are, right, Samantha.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, they must go into the abyss
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: of boyfriend's past and never to be seen again. And
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: I am okay with that. Yeah. I definitely have the
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: whole different like take on all of that typically because um, hey,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: I'm not great relationships, so and I say that in
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: every aspect of I don't understand completely how relationships are
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: supposed to go, whether it's my ideas or my frame
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: of reference. Are romance movies really bad romance movies, or
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: my parents who have been together from the beginning, like
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: it's just it's just been that way, or my people
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: around me who have gotten divorces that does not look
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: pretty or stuck in really sad relationships, And of course
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: it's definitely those who are in wonderful, beautiful relationships, but
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: also I'm also one of those that has not a
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: big tie, so meaning we may I don't date within
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: typically my friend group this one time absolutely not necessarily
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: a friend group, but they are in close quarters or
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: we would be in trouble. I typically don't date within
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: working scenarios, so I can't like you are not part
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: of me, like, nope, were good. We are separate here,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: So for me, a lot of that has happened. Didn't
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: start having relationships till my twenties either, so that's a
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: whole different conversation as well. So I feel like the
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: way I've set myself up has always been kind of
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: that way, and it's not again, not that I'm angry
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: necessarily it's there's this level of embarrassment of like, oh,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: these are the things that we did in our relationships.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I can't see you in any other way than oh,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: my god, we did that. Let's move on. Even though
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: there's nothing shameful, it just feels that way. So a
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: lot of that again, my my whole aspect is like
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I just I want I want to forget. I mean,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: how do I forget you? So you don't like ruminate
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: on if I had done this or if I had
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: done that. Of course I do, Like I am a
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: very very deep I analyze everything to the core. But
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: after that is done, and I will obsess for a
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: little while, Like I will definitely do that and get
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: into my feelings and be really hurt and it'll be painful,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Like it feels like a death to me, which is
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: probat of the problem I think. And we're gonna talk
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: a little bit about my attachment issues that if I
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: let you in, it's really hard and it's super painful
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: to cut you out. And it feels like that because
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: it feels like something has been pulled away from me,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: and there's this moment of like take about breath away
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: because it just feels empty. So especially again if I've
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: let you in to my life or into the level
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: of being intimate in any way, so I may really
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: be hurt and in pain for a good like maybe
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: even like two months, like you know, and it doesn't matter.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Sex in the City has an episode where it gives
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: you a calculation of how long you have, like the
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: half the time that you've been together to really be hurt.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: So if you've been together with someone for six months,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: you have three months to get over it. I don't
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: think those calculations are correct somewhere like that, but I
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: it may take me a while, but once it's over,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: it's over, and I want you to be gone, okay,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: okay for ever? Yeah, I And then that's been very interesting.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: I think when we've had conversations about this, because we
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: do have such a different approaches, we're I'll be telling
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: you about like, oh, I'm gonna go see my ex
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: boyfriend for this, and you're like, why, yeah, yeah, it is,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I'm very shocked. Well, and to be fair, how's the
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: time between you and everybody else who do see their
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: exes is typically because they're still using you for something
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: that's yeah, yeah, yeah, Well, and to be fair, I also,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I think this is natural, but when that happens, there
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: is an element of what is this really about? Like
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: you're trying to get to the underlying reason. And I
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: do want to say, like we're talking about boyfriends here,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: and I'm talking about boyfriends here. I have dated women,
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: but I've never had quite as long term of a
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: relationship with a woman. And if I if I was
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: apologies to girlfriends passed, it would be I had no
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: idea what I was doing. I had no idea what
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I was doing, and I was waiting on the other
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: person to show me right yes, and and also very unsure,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: which I really appreciated. A lot of listeners have written
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: in about this of being in college when this was
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: happening and doubting like, oh am I just college experimenting
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: and then feeling really terrible that I might be doing
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: that to somebody. It didn't turn out to be the case,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: but I got I got it in my head about
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: that of like, am I just doing this because it's
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: cool or something? Which is really unfortunate. And I did
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: have some really sweet relationships that meant a lot to me,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: And that's that's something when I look back on most
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: of my relationships, not all of them. I don't think
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: that they were a waste of time because I did
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: learn something about myself and what I want, and a
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: lot of them, and a lot of them I had
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: like some beautiful times and memories that we made. But yeah,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: there are things that I catch myself wishing I could
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: apologize for. And it is not that the other person
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: who's blameless, but yeah, just sort of an acknowledgement of
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: like I didn't know how to deal with this at
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: this time, and I might have hurt you because of it,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: and I'm sorry. So one of the big ones is communication.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: And it's so funny because we say that all the time,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: and I feel like we all know it, but we
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: all make this mistake. And I didn't know what I
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: wanted and I didn't know how to speak up for it.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: So I just would kind of like almost like a
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: kind of a flight or fright, like freeze sensation, but
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I would make it appear as though, you know, I'll
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: just do whatever they want and make it look like
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I want that thing to write because I didn't. I
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: didn't know. But that in turn lead to a building
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: up of issues and of almost resentment. I don't think
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I ever really reached that where we didn't want the
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: same things, but we weren't communicating about it and we
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: were misunderstanding each other's like needs around it. And also
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I'm just a very I'm not good in relationships either,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I guess are I. I am someone who's very um open,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: and I will say things that perhaps you shouldn't. You
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: wouldn't say so I would. I remember one memory that
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: make it feels it makes me feel really bad, but
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I was talking about somebody had a crush on to
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: my boyfriend. But it was just like I get crushes
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: and they they're like this and then they move on.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't a thing to make him jealous. It
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: wasn't any but I get that that's what normally in
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: relationships it would be, and I feel I feel terribly
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: about it. I didn't mean it that way, but I'm
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: sure that it hurt and I did. It's right. I
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: think a part of that is being a sexual where
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: it's I know nothing's going to come of this thing,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: and it's just sort of like, oh he loves dn
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: D and I love dn D and right now it's great,
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: and then I'll never see him again. And it'll suck.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: But that's just how it is, right, I think, And
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: one of the big things that we don't talk about
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: enough in general when we talk about communications. Yes, so
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: we definitely need to do that. But part of the
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: thing with communication is being able to trust that you
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: can say it. And that's a big proponent that we
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: don't put a lot of stock in just because we
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: say it doesn't mean it's gonna be received well. And
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: if we're watching to see how it's received, that's part
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: of trust. And I think even though yes, we can
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: simply say communicate this will make things better, that's not
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: necessarily true. And a lot of that is guarding, which
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: is why you say you communicated you thought so and
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: so was fun and that it was a small crush
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: that was a huge mistake, and that that that kind
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: of that kind of leads to the conversation is Okay,
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: do I trust you enough and do you know me
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: well enough that when I say this you know what
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: is being said? And of course the communication part is
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: able to come back and be like, Okay, let's let's
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: talk about this. I was bothered. Can we sort through it?
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: And that's that's a big difference, is that. Yes, it's
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: a simple term is be honest, be open, but but
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: not to honest too open. Engage, engage what what is
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: being said and what is being heard. And that's part
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: of the problem. I'm in my head all of the
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: time thinking if I say this, this is going to
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: be a problem, right, and to the point that I
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: won't say it because I don't want to be a
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: part of problem. Right. And that has everything to do
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: with trust, and that's a whole different level, and it's
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: kind of is just a cyclical thing of if one
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: is without the other, you're not going to receive either.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of that balance of understanding that and
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: with that communication being on the same page. And that's hard.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: That's hard. Yeah, that's an excellent point because I think
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: one of the biggest things when I look back of
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: this relationship in particular, I was, is like, even if
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I wanted to trust, and I think that there it
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: was a pretty safe space because of all this other
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: stuff I've gone through, I didn't completely trust and I
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: was too scared to even admit to myself that And
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: so I definitely didn't admit it because it's it was
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: kind of like a charade that I was. I was fine,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: it's okay, but it wasn't fine. It wasn't okay. So
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I think in this like when I told him about
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: the crush, even though I didn't mean it to be,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I do think there was a part of me being like,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: let's just end this like or planning some kind of
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: like because at that point it had been many years
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: and it was kind of clear that something was amiss, right.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: And and that's another thing when I look back, and Samantha,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: you and I have talked about this before of I
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: am happy being single, and I am a very active person.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: So a lot of times I would I would do
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: what I wanted to do over like I was kind
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: of selfish. I would support you. I was happy to
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: support people. Um, but if it like push came to
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: shove and I really didn't want to do the thing
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: that you wanted to do, I would do the thing
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: that I wanted to do. And it wasn't meant to
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: be a power play, but I can absolutely see how
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: how it could be. And and that again is just
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: I don't think I communicated well around. I was happy
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: with the relationship where it was in terms of I
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: have like a really great friend and we do stuff
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: together and we were really close, but the other person
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: wasn't happy, like wanted more, and so yeah, I think
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: even if I didn't realize it, it was kind of like, well,
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do my thing and it will be fine,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: which isn't great, right, And I think that's one of
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: the other parts in any relationship is having things in common.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Commonalities are important, So if you can't do it together,
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: then you have the understanding of, oh, we're gonna do
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: our own thing, and that's cool too. So either it's
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: either or like it. It definitely is that level you
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: need to have an understanding or do the same things.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: And I think I don't necessarily yes say this selfish,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: especially if you don't do it in a level of
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: being open and on as a communicative about what's happening,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: for sure, I think. And again, not great, not great relationships.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: Still learning a lot, learning a lot about myself, but
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: understanding myself and knowing that, yeah, I'm the same way,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: like like I'm gonna either do it or not, and
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: you can join or not, but I'm gonna give you
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: that same space and freedom and as long as we're
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: not having hurt feelings right. And I remember talking to
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: as a nanny. When I was a nanny, I I
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: was a nanny for a singer. He was a popular singer,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: and the wife stayed at home and with the kids
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: and just did her own thing, um, and they were
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: able to afford nanny's and all of that, so he
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: would be gone for weeks at a time and it
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: was beautiful. She talked about how amazing the relationship was
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: because she had her time, hang out with her friends,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: do her thing. He came home and she dedicated those
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: two weeks that she saw him per month to him
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: only and whatever he wanted to do. But then when
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: he left, she did her thing. And I was like, actually,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: a really great setup. I want that right, right, It
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: could work as long as you understand yeah, exactly, yeah.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: And I think that was part of my problem, as
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I was also too in my head about this is
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: what a relationship looks like, this is what I've seen,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: and this is what I've been told, and I was
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: trying to fit into that. But also at the same time,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: I was really fighting it, even if I didn't recognize it.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I was like resisting it as hard as I could.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: And we were in different spaces at different times in
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: all these relationships, and I didn't understand myself very well,
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: and I think that is pretty key if you want
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: healthy health the relationship. And I still catch myself getting
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: fomo of you know, what if I had what if
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: I had been in a different place, or what if
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: I had not been in such I was great at avoidance.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I still am great at avoidance, great a denial. But
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: if I hadn't done that and had like gone into
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: therapy earlier, are are all these different things? Could this
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: have been? Could I have been happy in this life?
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: And I don't think I made an incorrect decision, Like
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I said, I don't think I wasted time. I learned
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: a lot. I hope they don't feel like they wasted time.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: But whatever done matter. But at the same time, it's
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: hard not to think about those things, right, I mean,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: I dedically I think I have one of those. I
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: only have really one of those, and the what ifs
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: turns out it's all in well, great, everything's fine, but
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: there's like I could have done this better. I wonder
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: what have happened if I would have opened myself up
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: a little more out of my own fears. But again,
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: what I am today, is that I should be. I
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: do feel that, yeah, and I it is. It is
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: funny to me how you can I feel such pressure
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: from society and be so close to somebody and I
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: don't know. I guess I wonder sometimes about the other
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: side of like the story that they are telling their friends.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I think about that too, Yes, how do they portray
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: me exactly? Exactly? And then on the other on the
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: other hand, I have been talking about this with some
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: friends that I hadn't previously talked about it before, and
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: they've been telling me some things where I'm like, wow,
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: I did not realize you felt this way about that person, Okay,
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: which is equally interesting. So yeah, yeah, I just wanted
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: to have take this space. You know. Apologies, it's a
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: boyfriend's past. I don't apologize. Samantha Firmley does not apologize. Um,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: but yeah, recognizing giving my own self space to grow
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: and make mistakes. Relationships aren't easy and learning about yourself
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: as an easy. So here we are. We're just doing
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: the best we can. Yes, we are. Cheers to that
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: the best we can do, the best we can. Cheers Samantha,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: And she's see you listeners. We would love to hear
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: any of your thoughts about this, You can email us
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: at Steffidia mom Stuff at I Hurt Me dot com.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: or on Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: as always to our super producer Christina, thank you, and
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: thanks to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: his predction of iHeart Radio for more podcast and I
• 20:41
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• 20:43
  Speaker 1: and wherever you listen to your favorite shows