Latest / Impact Ready / 154. "Bad is Stronger than Good"

Transcript

154. "Bad is Stronger than Good" · Impact Ready

• 0:02
  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
• 0:06
  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
• 0:09
  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
• 0:12
  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
• 0:15
  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
• 0:22
  Hi team, hope you're having a good week and a good Thursday
• 0:26
  and you've survived daylight savings time shift.
• 0:31
  Such a weird thing that we do and it throws people off so
• 0:34
  much. So I, I hope that I hope that it
• 0:36
  has been kind to you in this episode.
• 0:40
  Today, we are going to talk about something that we do so
• 0:45
  often that dramatically influences the way that we feel
• 0:50
  every single day and the way that other people feel all the
• 0:53
  time. And that is the way that we
• 0:57
  think about feedback complements criticism and the way that we
• 1:04
  share it and spread it in the world.
• 1:07
  And this is specific to how we receive negative information and
• 1:12
  the impact that it has on us. We know this because we've all
• 1:17
  experienced it. But research will show again and
• 1:20
  again and again that we tend to obsess about problems and
• 1:25
  negative information. I mean, I think if you ask
• 1:27
  anybody or you even just reflect on your own life, there's
• 1:31
  probably something that's happened in the last day or week
• 1:36
  for you that you've been ruminating on that you've
• 1:39
  perceived as negative. I know that for me, I can think
• 1:43
  of something that happened yesterday that I perceived as
• 1:47
  being a problem or negative that I've been thinking about.
• 1:51
  And last week, easy, no problem. I could probably think of three
• 1:54
  things that I've perceived as negative that I've been thinking
• 1:58
  about. Other examples might be sports
• 2:01
  fans who always think about the games that their teams lost
• 2:05
  rather than the ones that their teams have won.
• 2:08
  It's the negative feedback that always sticks in our minds way
• 2:12
  more than positive feedback. We tend to obsess about that one
• 2:16
  negative comment on a Fit Grid review from a client.
• 2:20
  If you've ever worked in a fitness studio, you know what
• 2:23
  fit Grid reviews are. A client can leave you a review
• 2:27
  on a scale of 1 to 10, and you might get 7 supportive 10 out of
• 2:33
  10 fit grid reviews and you obsess about the one who was
• 2:37
  like a four out of 10 because they didn't like your music or
• 2:40
  something silly like that. There's a research paper written
• 2:44
  by the University of Pennsylvania about this, aptly
• 2:48
  titled Bad is Stronger Than Good, and I think that's the
• 2:52
  perfect title for what we as humans contend with when it
• 2:55
  comes to the ways that our brains prioritize information.
• 3:00
  Bad is stronger than good. Now, I'm not telling you
• 3:04
  anything that you don't already know.
• 3:06
  We've all had those moments where we felt the lingering
• 3:08
  power of an insult or criticism. We all have the moment from
• 3:12
  middle school where somebody said something about our clothes
• 3:15
  or our style or the way that our physical appearance looked or
• 3:19
  our hair, any of that stuff, and the memory is burned into our
• 3:23
  brains. So this isn't a shock or a
• 3:25
  surprise to any of you listeners or me saying this out loud.
• 3:29
  The bad can feel stronger than the good sometimes.
• 3:32
  They've actually studied this in business settings for motivation
• 3:36
  and productivity and just overall morale.
• 3:39
  And for companies and teams, the research shows that the ideal
• 3:44
  praise to criticism ratio for teams to be able to maintain a
• 3:48
  relatively good morale and high performance is 5 to 1.
• 3:54
  This means that for every negative comment or criticism,
• 3:57
  there should be 5 positive comments or praise 5 to 1 just
• 4:04
  to maintain a baseline relatively good morale.
• 4:08
  That's a lot of positive input and feedback to offset the one
• 4:12
  criticism or piece of negative information that somebody gets,
• 4:16
  information that can often be sort of flippant or offhand and
• 4:21
  maybe not that intentional. So if we look at this through
• 4:26
  the lens of impact, how does this affect us and what can we
• 4:30
  do to improve the impact that we have on other people, but also
• 4:35
  mitigate the impact that other people have on us when it comes
• 4:40
  to this sort of thing? The first thing that comes to my
• 4:43
  mind is to give out more positive feedback to people.
• 4:48
  I mean, it's so simple. Why don't we just give it away?
• 4:51
  Why aren't we intentionally, on purpose, giving people
• 4:55
  compliments and praise and positive feedback in our life?
• 4:59
  I mean, there's tons of people in our lives who are doing
• 5:03
  awesome things. They're doing a great job.
• 5:05
  I'm sure that if you were to think about three people in your
• 5:09
  day today who deserve praise or a compliment, you could think of
• 5:12
  it easily. But we don't.
• 5:14
  And maybe it's because it feels awkward to people.
• 5:17
  Maybe they just don't know what to say.
• 5:20
  Maybe they're not in the habit of extending that type of
• 5:23
  communication. But if you think about your last
• 5:27
  couple of days, how many compliments have you actually
• 5:30
  given to people? How much positive feedback and
• 5:34
  praise have you given to your friends or your spouse or your
• 5:39
  teammates or your kids? I bet it's not nearly as much as
• 5:45
  you know that you could be giving or that that you've even
• 5:48
  thought about. Because sometimes we think it in
• 5:51
  our minds and we don't say it out loud.
• 5:53
  So we're thinking very highly of somebody and thinking how nice
• 5:56
  they look that day or what a asset they are to you and your
• 6:00
  team or your life. And we don't say it.
• 6:03
  Here's the bottom line though. We can afford to give it away.
• 6:07
  It costs us nothing and it makes a huge difference for the person
• 6:11
  who is in front of you receiving it.
• 6:13
  It might be the thing that helps restore the right ratio, 5 to 1
• 6:20
  ratio for them is to hear your comment and have it balanced
• 6:24
  out. A negative comment that they got
• 6:25
  earlier in the week or even just that day.
• 6:28
  We don't know what people are going through.
• 6:30
  We don't know their story or their experiences, but we hold
• 6:35
  this feedback close. We hold it back and I think we
• 6:39
  could be better about it. I know we could be better at it.
• 6:44
  The second thing that comes to my mind is that we could be a
• 6:46
  little bit better at being true auditors of our days and the
• 6:52
  input and feedback that's coming in for us, the information that
• 6:56
  is coming in. And what I mean by that is a lot
• 6:59
  of times people will go around making blanket statements about
• 7:03
  their day or their week and say, oh, it was a terrible day.
• 7:07
  It was a terrible week, and I hear that sometimes.
• 7:12
  And every time I hear it, I think to myself, really, the
• 7:15
  whole day was terrible. Like the whole day, the whole
• 7:20
  week was terrible. Now, I'm not saying that's not
• 7:23
  possible, it is, but I think it's much less probable that the
• 7:28
  entire day or the entire week was absolutely terrible.
• 7:32
  I really find it hard to believe because most days are a series
• 7:36
  of positive and neutral and negative events that are strung
• 7:41
  together. But because bad can be stronger
• 7:44
  than good, our brains tend to filter out the negative
• 7:47
  experiences or feedback and we hyper focus on those negative
• 7:52
  experiences. It becomes the main story and
• 7:55
  the main character of our experience and we could be
• 7:59
  better observers of what our true reality is.
• 8:03
  We could be better at saying, actually, I had a lot of really
• 8:08
  good experiences and good feedback today.
• 8:12
  I had a lot of clients tell me how many wins they're having as
• 8:16
  a result of the work that we're doing together.
• 8:18
  I've had a lot of awesome interactions with people this
• 8:20
  week out in the world. That barista at that coffee shop
• 8:24
  was so awesome and nice. That customer I worked with was
• 8:27
  so kind. I loved our conversation.
• 8:30
  That was so unexpected, things like that.
• 8:34
  And we can take the negative feedback with a grain of salt
• 8:38
  and look at it for what it really is, data, information
• 8:43
  that we can use. It's a piece of feedback.
• 8:46
  We don't have to make it our personal problem.
• 8:49
  We don't have to wrap it around us like a blanket and snuggle up
• 8:52
  in the pain in the problem. We don't have to make it about
• 8:55
  our shortcoming or our failures or personality defects.
• 9:00
  We could just look at it for what it is, feedback,
• 9:04
  information, data, and then use that to adjust and pivot.
• 9:10
  And when we do these two things, we become a little bit more
• 9:13
  empowered in the impact that we have on the people around us,
• 9:17
  but also the impact that people have on us.
• 9:22
  And this is really important because when we can be a little
• 9:27
  bit more objective about our experiences and our
• 9:29
  circumstances, we become more resilient, more buoyant.
• 9:35
  We recognize that there's always good that comes with the bad.
• 9:39
  We recognize that the bad isn't actually stronger than the good,
• 9:44
  but it's perceived that way in our head.
• 9:48
  And it's because we're wired to more heavily weight the negative
• 9:52
  feedback. It's how our brain works.
• 9:54
  Because negative prepares us for survival and alerts us to
• 9:58
  danger, we're on the lookout for it.
• 10:00
  We're constantly scanning the terrain for threat, and our
• 10:05
  ancestral brain is always going to be hyper focused on anything
• 10:09
  that is perceived as threat or danger to us.
• 10:11
  That's what it's supposed to do. Hence the brain's ability to
• 10:15
  make things feel like the bad is stronger than the good.
• 10:19
  So in the spirit of taking more ownership and more control over
• 10:24
  our experience and become more of the designer of our own life,
• 10:29
  let's take charge here. Let's give those compliments and
• 10:33
  praise away. It costs you nothing to do that,
• 10:36
  and it gives people so much like just give it away.
• 10:38
  Get out there and try to be more objective.
• 10:42
  As an observer of the type of feedback and information that's
• 10:46
  coming at you, I guarantee you're getting a lot of positive
• 10:50
  feedback and praise that you're not integrating or celebrating
• 10:56
  because you're so focused on the few and far between criticisms
• 11:00
  that people might give. So I hope this helps and has you
• 11:05
  able to feel like you're more in the driver's seat this week
• 11:08
  because bad might feel stronger than good, but I don't think
• 11:13
  that it actually is. I think life is a series of
• 11:17
  negative, neutral, and positive experiences strung together.
• 11:21
  And when we start to look for the neutral and positive
• 11:24
  experiences, we start to notice that there's actually not as
• 11:27
  much bad as we thought. That's all for today.
• 11:31
  I appreciate you being here. I hope you have an incredible
• 11:34
  weekend until next Monday. Thank you for being here and
• 11:38
  thank you for being ready to impact.
• 11:41
  Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
• 11:43
  I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and.
• 11:46
  Recognize. That you.
• 11:47
  Are powerful. By elevating our energy and
• 11:49
  awareness, we can create exponential change in this life.
• 11:53
  If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
• 11:55
  subscribe to the show for more. I.
• 11:57
  Truly appreciate you. Thanks again for being here.