Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S3 Ep5: The Parent Trap/ How We All Become Them 🤣

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S3 Ep5: The Parent Trap/ How We All Become Them 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh God, I know.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's always it's always wondering if she's gonna make it on the stage.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: So you don't want to be thank you very much.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Catch me.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you guys are really nice.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for coming out.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm on I'm on a day pass.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the courtesy bus is circling, so I can't stay real long.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: I have new glasses too, if I look kind of funny.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: No, I have, I have, I've I've got so many focals in here.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: I've got one for each personality.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: I just I I just look really I really look uh you know agreeable.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hi.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm that brought at the airport.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want to be behind when you're getting on an escalator.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's decisions to make.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: No, I wanted I wanted that one.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: I want no, I wanted that one.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you here you go, oh yay, good for you, you did it.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: There's too many choices.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so distracted, too.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: This is not a good I did everything wrong.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm wearing a new bra.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Every woman in here knows exactly what the hell I'm talking about.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing's in the right place.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: This is the last fucking bar bra I'm buying, too.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm telling that right now.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just too old for this shit.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Men don't understand because they don't have to, they've never had to measure themselves for underwear.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: And if you have, you're a bunch of sick fucks.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's never been easy.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: I I went to Nordstrom's because I wanted to spend$150 on shit no one's gonna see.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: But the older you get, you know, the lower the the it comes with hydraulics now.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: I passed out in Macy's trying to buy a bra.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: Years ago.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I've I've always been a big girl, bigger than I am now bigger.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And uh they never put the the white they would the big girl bras where you could find them.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: They always put the white bother bras right here, you know, 32A.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Mine, mine were always mine were always on the bottom.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're gonna have to laugh at this shit, or I'm probably gonna fall.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Mine are on the bottom.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: In the back.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was down there so long my boobs moved into my esophagus.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: And my second chin cut off my air.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: I fell over Macy's.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: There's an old gal next to me and buying panties.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: I go, bitch, you gotta stop me.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta go back in.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: None of this is easy.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's hard now.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's so expensive flying down here from Portland, I was afraid I was gonna have to sell my eggs.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: There's a few left.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody likes a good deviled egg.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: You guys are nice.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is a I've been uh I'm avoiding I got out of something this weekend.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: I did I gotta sit down.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: I I got a bad knee, it's a stripping accident.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: I uh bitch wouldn't get off the pole.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: My turn.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I um I'm getting out of a family vac a family thing this weekend here.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't have kids that I know of, and the 80s are a little hazy.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, at least we had a choice.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I uh I'm I'm that auntie.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm that auntie that your parents tried to keep you away from.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I'm I am that I'm that, you know, I'm that dick, I I don't, you know, I don't mind I'm the auntie that my family now um whispers about in the kitchen.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: She is not living with us.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: I am not wiping one thing on that one.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm the auntie that always created the very memorable memories that you just wish people would just fucking forget.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: And this is why this weekend I'm glad I'm not, they're all going over to Bend, Oregon, where we I live in Portland.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: They're all going over to Bend.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: And years ago, when the kids were all little, we all went to Bend.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm the auntie, let's go fishing, let's do, okay, let's do that.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in, you know, whatever you kids want to do, I'm there, you know.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then the last day they wanted to go horseback riding.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh shit.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: I am not a horse person, and I, but you want to be part of the, you know, make them happy.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: So they got everybody on their horse, and they brought my horse out, and it made a Clydesdale look like a pony.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not lying.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: The head had its own atmosphere.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not a tall person, and I was rounder then too, and and I'm standing there and I'm looking at this thing, and this the stirrup is up here.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's up here.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: And this genius next to me goes, you just put your foot up there, and you bounce a couple times, and you throw your leg up.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if I could get my leg up there, I wouldn't be riding a horse.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'd be a trucker's wife.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now I turned to this genius.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, and I whisper, I go, I'm gonna need a boost.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not lying.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Six guys.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Six guys and a rope.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: I had to tie the rope under my arms, three guys on one side pulling, and three in back of me pushing, laughing, and shoving.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: And that hasn't happened since college.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I had to get on the float.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: I was so embarrassed.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, you know, my whole family's just laughing their asses off.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I get on this horse and I had the stringy things, and I had the horny thing.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: But this is, I'm not lying, this horse had been eating and not moving for 20 years.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: It was this, I have a three-inch inseam.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I get on and I go, what do I do with my legs?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And the guy goes, just wrap them around.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: I can't bend my knees.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: I look like Barbie Mountain Ken, 1959.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then one of my nieces thought it'd be fun.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: She slapped the back of the horse.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I started to try.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: I bounced my fat butt off the back of that horse.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: I caught an earring in the tail, and I got drugged for like free 300 feet.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like my titskin rototill.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Please explain to the Gen Zs what the fuck rototill is.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: I always get in trouble too.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a I'm you guys, I I I make fun of you, but honest to God, I always said that I was never gonna be that old lady that condemned a whole group of young people for whatever trend they wanted to do.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because I grew up, I was a teenager in the 60s, for God's sakes.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I it was I was uh question authority was our motto.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't gonna be that old lady that said, oh, those tattoos of this tattoo.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, I wasn't gonna be.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: But I've been called out on this a couple times because in the last five or six, okay, ten years, I'm fascinated with the hockey pucks embedded in the earlobes.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: I just, I'm, I can't, oh.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I get up on, oh, look at this.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just they fast, and if they don't have that thingy in them, I just want to put my finger in there.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: What do they call that?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: What do they call that?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: They call gauges, gauges, well, gauges.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, I'm gauging they don't have grandparents because your nose and your ears don't stop growing.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: So by the time those holes are 65 years old, they're so big it's just another way for the grandkids to get in the truck.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Put your foot right in there, baby.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: I got you.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think I always get in trouble at the grocery store.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's my biggest.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: I like to mess with people at the grocery store.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, ladies, don't be afraid to go gray.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: No, I know you don't want to, and I get that, because I didn't want to either.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna be gorgeous.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: That dark hair, beautiful.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: No, yeah, you too, beautiful.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Just, you know, but don't be afraid because you get away with shit all the time.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: You can steal half the story, nobody says shit.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: They just think she's off her meds.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, I people, I guys will run across the parking lot to open a door for me.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: And if they're not running, I'm going, okay, hey, let's go.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: I got a guy to hold my hand to cross the street one day.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, and you know, I'm old, but I am not dead.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: This was the best looking man I had seen in a very, very long time.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: He was gorgeous.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Wearing a beautiful suit, open collar.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: He was just, it was sunny, it was he was smiling, and I'm standing there, oh god.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: And the light changed, and I heard myself go, no.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And he turned around and goes, ma'am, would you hold my hand?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And he did.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's so funny.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Weird things are I mean, the weirdest thing happens now is that over the years, um, I mean, I'm not I I've never been married.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: I I've been getting hit on for the last eight years.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I've counted him because I can't believe it.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know I'm getting hit on because that Gene Poole left a long time ago.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: But my girlfriends were all, they all said, That guy is looking at you.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: That guy over there.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: Don't look at okay.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: That guy though with the blue, yeah, that he's got cataracts.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: He's just trying to focus.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I work, I work a lot of casinos, and those boys love me.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Come here.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: And ladies, I'm gonna tell you this because you don't know this about your guys yet, because they're not old, but when they get old, they can be completely infirm.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing's worked for years.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: But they still think they got a shot.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: They have got the confidence, they are confident.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was working in a casino.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: This guy comes over to me, he's got the walker, he's got both hearing aids in, he's got he's wearing most of his lunch down the front of him.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: He's wearing some kind of bag, I don't want to know.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the county, he puts his arm around me and goes, Um, I'm gonna take you to dinner.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Where where should we go?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, can you drive at night?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: I know I you know, oh gosh, that feels good.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I don't, you know, I when we again, there we go.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: Here we are.
• 14:44
  unknown: No.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Shut up, bitch.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: It'll happen to you.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, one of the worst things now is that you have siblings and you have the pleasure of growing old with your siblings, there's gonna come up a time when you're all together and you'll play the hey, you remember game?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, my brother's 80.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: And he and I, it's horrible.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because he'll go, hey, remember when we were kids that guy lived down the street?
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Remember that guy?
• 15:19
  unknown: No.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you know that guy.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know the guy that had the thing, he had the thing with the thing.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: This can go on for an hour.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: The other day I just said, what happened to the guy?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, he died.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: Him or me.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: I have I have uh I have uh old friends that uh what was I gonna tell you about that?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot well I no, because I I I I'm going to the beach with my I have a girlfriend.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have girlfriends from grade school and stuff like that?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: And do you see them every once in a while and go do stuff?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: Once in a while?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, play with me, bitch.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: I swear to God.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: I uh she's afraid of me.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: I understand that.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: We've been going since we could drive, you know.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I uh we go to the beach like a couple times a year, and and it's just gotten it's gotten so that I've really had to monitor these old broughts because back in the day we used to talk about fun stuff.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: When we were your age, we talk about men and concerts and you know stuff we were gonna do and our goals and you know, all this colleges and stuff like that, and then it was marriage and kids, and you know, then it was emptiness and travel, and now it's procedures.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's all about the and you know, you just come on.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: So this year I uh last time we went, I had uh my friend go down to the pot store and buy some gummies.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I thought I'm gonna shut these bitches up.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: So we're playing cards and we're having a good time, and then Sammy starts, oh I hurt my back.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then no, no, no, everybody take a gummy.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody take a gummy.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: And they got real, oh, is this one?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is one of those gummies.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we the gummies were playing cards, and then we forgot if we took one.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: So we took another one.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: Big mistake.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: Then we went clam digging.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's embarrassing.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, kids talk about drugs, you know, your drugs are seriously different than ours.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: You see, I didn't do drugs uh in I I didn't do drugs in the in this in the in the the th or late sixties or seventies.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: I because I had done them in the 50s.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: When you were a fat little kid, they didn't have programs for you.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: They just gave you speed.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in third grade taking three cross tops a day.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a busy little brownie.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get the fractions.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: I need to know how much an ounce is.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that deserves so much more than this section gave me on that.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: You're working my ass up.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I uh I was reminded my mom had a has a had well would have had a birthday.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I birthed my my mom and dad obviously are both gone.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was uh has anybody been a caretaker?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: There, folks, grandparents, anybody?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: Someone of the couple of you?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, your time's coming, and don't pass it up.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's you know, it's it's the hardest job you'll ever do.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: I I took care of my mom and dad for many years.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't good at it, they died, but um.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: I tried.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: They were very old.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: They were very old.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: They were my dad was just shy of 99.
• 19:38
  unknown: Wow.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my mom was 97, they died two months uh apart, and they held hands for 45 years everywhere they went.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly, and people would say that, and I would laugh because I knew the truth.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: If one's going down, they're taking the other one with them.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody's getting out alive.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: Now let me just explain something.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: My mother and father never once developed dementia or Alzheimer's.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: And they lived to be that, they were there every day, every fucking day.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: They were there.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: They just woke up happy, they woke up, you know.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: I was the cruise director.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: What are we doing today?
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: We're we're going to Costco, they're having a twofer on coffins.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: Let's measure.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: And don't judge me.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: You get your we all get our sense of humor from our family.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm playing cards one night with my friends.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: My mom comes out of her bedroom.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: She has her little robe on her and her little walkers.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: She comes out and she she hated commercials.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, don't let a reptile dysfunction get in your way.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: Come on, we have company.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: Why you limp dicks just clear a path?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's just, you know, it's okay.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: They one is easier than the other.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think I don't know, my dad would do anything I asked him to do.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: He Okay, honey, whatever you want.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: My mom, different story.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because your mother's your mother, no matter what.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: And oh God, change in pills.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, well, and we used to share.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: But uh one for you, one for me.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, that was the pittle pill.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yay.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta take this new pill.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: Mom, you got no.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: You're trying to kill me.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: If I was gonna kill ya, I wouldn't use stool softener, okay?
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: How does that benefit me?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: She's a pistol.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: She uh uh we become our parents.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want to, you don't plan on it.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: You fight like a like like a dog in your early year.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna be, I'm not, you know, and then you probably every woman will walk into the bathroom around 40 and look in the mirror and go, oh shit, when did she come in here?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it's okay, it's okay.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: Every day I grow older, I reminded I am just like her.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: She was loud and proud, and she she I would, you know, she never left the house until she had her lipstick was perfect, her shoes and her bag matched.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: She was of the she was the greatest generation, you know.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: She she dressed.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: We went to the doctor one day, walked into the cardiologist, and she just said, now I'm here.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: People were looking around.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: She doesn't even go up and tell them her name.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: She just walks her little bony butt down the hall and gets on a table.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going, oh God, I gotta go yet her.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I go down the hall, I'm thinking, oh my god, my daughter, my character.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: I get to the room, I'm a daughter, go, Ma, listen, we have you can't just come in, hon, you have to we have to go out and wait.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: 95, does it look like I have time to wait?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: No, ma'am.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: How'd you get on the table?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: She starts to unbutting her little pantsuit.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: I go, no, no, no, no, just a consultation.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm showing these to somebody.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just like her.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: Is your dad still around, sir?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: And you buy him Father's Day prison?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, bet you tend to want shit you're gonna borrow or inherit.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's what men do.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: Especially as you get older.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: You just, yeah.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: My my brother bought my 95-year-old father a fish and float tube.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: Do y'all know what that is?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: Grow the fuck up, San Diego.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus Christ, it's a fish and float tube.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's an inner tube with waders.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: You can't put a 95-year-old man in the middle of the lake in a fish and float tube.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta make it look like a Viking burial.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: He'd only had one hip done, so he's only going one way.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Last gift I gave my mom was a colonoscopy.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Call it a spa day.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: We did it together.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it's scary.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's a scary thing, and this is something that men handle much different than women.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, my brother, when he had to have one, he just meant, okay, I gotta do it, you know.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: Women are a whole different thing, you know.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: And granted, that lead up day to that quote, that's an alone day.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's a day to check into Motel 6 and give them a reason to leave the fan on, you know?
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: Don't lose.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not losing you on this.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: You've got to understand.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: Women, we take a front because this is not our doctor.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: We don't know this person, you know, and we're gonna have to have a conversation.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: But let me just tell you something.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's the best drug you will ever take in your life.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's a propopathol.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's what killed Michael Jackson's.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's great shit.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's you first you start looking forward to it after you have one.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I was so nervous that first time, I was afraid I wasn't gonna get to talk to the doctor.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: She's putting the IV on, I'm gonna be able to talk to the doctor.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: You'll be able, okay, I'm gonna talk to you'll be able to okay, okay, okay, okay.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, doc, listen, listen, listen, listen.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: When you're up there, would you look for the barbie shoe?
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta go.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: You guys have been lovely.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you very, very much for having me.