Latest / Captivate the Mic: Master Public Speaking & Video, Build Confidence and Boost Visibility / Ghostwriting Secrets: How to Write Your Book Without the Burnout | Judy Lane-Boyer | Captivate the Mic

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Ghostwriting Secrets: How to Write Your Book Without the Burnout | Judy Lane-Boyer | Captivate the Mic · Captivate the Mic: Master Public Speaking & Video, Build Confidence and Boost Visibility

• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everybody, welcome to Captivate the Mic with Elaine Williams.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I am so excited.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I know I say that every time, but this woman, I met her at Podfest.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: She is a fabulous ghostwriter, and who is writing is finishing up a book to help other people write their own book.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Judy Lane Boyer, thank you for being here.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, welcome, welcome.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, Elaine.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: I really appreciate you having me on.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: We've been talking about this for forever, it seems like.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really great to finally be here.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we met, we were, so I've been to Podfest twice in Orlando with just to learn.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I went there to support clients and I met so many other fabulous people.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I met you, Judy, in 2025.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: That leads me into, you know, people think ghostwriter.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know as a busy entrepreneur, I have two businesses, I'm caregiving, I'm I am spread pretty thin.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And the the thought of a ghostwriter is like sounds really good, but also like, oh, what if they don't get my own voice?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: What if it becomes this thing?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: You always hear the stories.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love, can you just tell people what is a ghostwriter and what kind are you?
• 2:32
  unknown: Sure.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Ghostwriting actually over I was just seeing today on an article, over 60% of nonfiction published in the United States is ghostwritten.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, probably one of the most famous examples of that that people would know about is uh Spare by Prince Harry.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: That was uh that was done in collaboration with a very famous ghostwriter who even uh his memoir, his own memoir, was actually turned into a movie by with uh starring George Clooney, uh J.R.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Maringer.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: So he's he's fascinating.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: If you could find he's done a great article or two on on what it means to go straight, but a lot of it is not too different than being a translator or interpreter for language.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um you are doing what you do best.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing what I do best, which is write and channel what other people are saying.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So that allows the author to do what they do best, which a lot of times is just to speak on the topic, write notes.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um a lot of people I've had two prospective clients, very successful in their fields, uh, set meetings with me in the last couple of weeks just because they're like you.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: They're busy running their business, they're busy, you know, managing all the day-to-day things.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Many of them are very um high energy, uh, very very creative, lots of ideas.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so they're busy doing all these things.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: And writing is just especially writing a book.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's different.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: One one person who came to me writes her own LinkedIn posts, and they're fabulous.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: But she said, I don't I don't know how to write a book.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it and kudos to her for being that wise.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um writing a book is very different.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I bring that expertise and you know, I do what I call downloads from the client.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: We sit, you know, we have an intense planning phase on the front end to really get dive into what are your goals for this book, what are your goals for your reader, um kind of tone, how do you want this to sound, all of those things.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Who's your ideal reader?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Do deep dive into that, come up with a detailed outline, and then I interview the person based on that outline.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um and then just download that content from their brain, their expertise, their experience, their anecdotes, um, all those things, and come up with a polished, marketable manuscript that they can do with, you know, it they want to go the try the traditional route, they want to self-publish, hybrid publish, it's ready for any of those things.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um so yeah, it takes the burden of spending three to six hours drafting a chapter, you know, I do that, and they, you know, they all they have to do is spend maybe 30 minutes reading it over and marking it up, you know, for revisions and sending it back to me.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: But it's their voice.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: And when I worked as a as a Spanish translator and interpreter, um, both uh in my profession, I also did mission trips with my couple different churches.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: My goal was always I wanted the person I was interpreting to to get not only the the content of whoever was speaking or writing, I wanted them to understand the personality and the mood behind it.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the same approach I take to ghostwriting.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And like the tone, right?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because so much of it is the tone, the attitude, the yes, the outlook.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I just I love that so much.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know I've always, you know, I've I've been in the entrepreneurial space for a long time, and I've heard stories about like my ghostwriter took over, or my ghostwriter ghosted me.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you hear all of these crazy stories, but it makes so much sense.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like you are a writer, you love what you do, so why not get some support and help?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, I I have five books, and three of them are like a chat, you know, I have one chapter in an anthology, and then two of them are my own from when I was speaking on college campuses about alcohol and assault awareness, prevention, and response.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I just thought, oh, well, I have the book.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's gonna be cake.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I did not realize that after you have the book is actually when there's a whole next level of work to be done.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then I also had this, I mean, I think a lot of people we, you know, we inherit these stories or we read an article and somehow we take that as like the truth.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I thought, oh, well, I have if I have a book and then it's launched and it didn't become a whatever, whatever, whatever, then I'm a failure or the book's a failure.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't realize, and and I have had Amazon best selling books.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think four out of the five, I honestly I have to check.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a you know, it's been over a long time, but I think, you know, I didn't I didn't realize, you know, there's that saying, when do you stop marketing your book?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh never.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's and that can be a feel like a burden, but it's also really a gift, if you think about it, because you have this ongoing work and it it builds your authority and your credibility and all the things, right?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: And that's exactly.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: I actually that's one of the la we we uh our last chapter was about launching and beyond the launch, which again we're splitting that into two chapters, just the launch, which is a lot, and then beyond the launch, and we we address that.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: When do you stop marketing your book?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Never unless you just don't care about it selling.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: But um I use the analogy of a parents with children.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there are times when you are more intensely and directly involved in in their lives, you know, when they're born, raising them, you know, the maybe sending them off to college or or or helping them with their their wedding, you know, when they get married.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: But there comes a point where yes, they're on their own, but you never stop caring for them, right?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: You've kind of you've launched them, but you never stop caring for them.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: You're not going to just, you know, if they call and they need you, you're not gonna just say, well, you know, too bad I'm busy.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um you're gonna want to stay connected, you're gonna want to keep up with what's going on with them.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's not an exact one-to-one analogy with the book, but it's it's similar, right?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: You spend a lot of effort, intense effort, kind of getting the manuscript together, and then you've got this whole other stage of getting it through the publishing process, which is a lot of work, uh, if you do it, if you do it well, well, whether you do it, you know, whether you're hiring other people to do it, which you should, but even if you're doing it yourself, if you if you try to do the best job you're you can on your own, which I do not recommend, um, it's still a lot of work.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then you get it out into the to the world and you still have a lot more work to do.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of people, especially people who want to get a traditional publishing deal with a a you know, a traditional publisher, and maybe even are fortunate enough to do that, don't realize how much even the traditional publishing houses are depending on you, the author.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: On you, yeah, because they're not gonna spend a lot of money unless you're a huge name.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it is up to you.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, you know, I used to think, oh, when I get an agent, then as an actress, you know, then, and it's like, no, no, no, that's when the work really begins, you know, on so many levels.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, so if somebody's listening, you know, I I talk a lot about how to be a great storyteller, and I try to give people tidbits every episode, or even if I forget during the episode, I'll be like, listen to this, you know, kind of thing.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so Judy, if somebody was listening, particularly a badass female boss, and you know, what would you tell them if they feel like they have a story in them or a book?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: I would encourage them to really first get clear on what it is they want to write.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, a lot of people have some great ideas.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: I just talked to somebody about a month ago who would actually talk to another ghostwriter and just felt overwhelmed by by all the decisions and everything needing to be made.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: And and when he talked through his idea, I told him, You have two books in you.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: This you've got two different goals here, and they're gonna interfere with each other if you try to put them both in one book.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: You need to separate those out.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think a lot of people don't who at least who talk to me don't understand that.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: They want to put everything in one book, and so what I would do first is spend some time brainstorming and uh brain dumping, really, brain dumping as much as brainstorming.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Get it all out on paper, your ideas, your thoughts, don't try to be organized or neat, just get it out and see what you have and see which path you want to pursue first.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you need to write two or three books.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but you need to get clear on what your goal is, who your ideal reader is, and why you're writing the book.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that will help you clarify a lot.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: That way, if you come to a ghostwriter like me, or writer coach, which I also do, um you've got a good starting point.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I would I would say the first thing that people need to do is get clarity, is whether that's journal, whether that's free writing, whether that's brainstorming, whatever it looks like for you.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Spend some time getting clarity on what you want to write.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love that because I know for years people would say, Elaine, you're so funny.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Elaine, you have so many great stories.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: You should write a book.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so then I'd be like, okay.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and then when you sit down, your ego or your identity is like, who the heck are you?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: What do you, you know?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I am a big action taker, but I don't in the past, I didn't always think things through, you know, think it through, which is what I used to teach the college kids, right?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And and uh yes, I think I one of the challenges is you know, sort of bumping up against your identity if it's your first book of like, who are you to write a book?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or you know, because that's that is an emotional limitation that everybody has.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And and that's why it's great to have structure to help you combat that.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll I'll never get my first book was all about like how to identify the addiction warning signs in your friends and what to do about it.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know, no college kid wants to admit they might have a problem or whatever.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: But from 25 years in AA, many of us knew we had a problem when we were 14 or 16, you know.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, so I'll never forget like I did everything wrong in the book, right?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was a tip book.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the tips were really good and profound, and some of them were kind of dumb.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the quotes, I love quotes, and some of them, and then I put the best stories in the back of the book, you know, just like sometimes you're like, What?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: And and then I remember calling my coach, going, I don't know how to finish it.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: I I did the 50 tips, and and and he was like, Elaine, it's a tip book, it just ends.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I I think for me that was my experience of birthing my first book.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And every time I did it since, it's been a little bit easier.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I really encourage people.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna have all your stuff in the show notes, but you know, if if you're somebody who's been thinking about it or people have told you you should write one, it's really great to have a coach, not to criticize you, but to help you think strategically because it takes a lot of time and energy and and a little bit of money if you're self-publishing or hybrid publishing or whatever.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: So you just want to be strategic.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: And why am I emphasizing this?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have been the I'm the kind of person I take a million actions and I move by passion, and I always I have not always been strategic with many of the things.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a giver and I over, you know, all the things.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, when if you if you can think about strategy, why you want to impart this wisdom and put it out into the world and and how it can help others and also help you with your goals, whether it's business or more speaking or more visibility, so that you can have more awareness about your cause.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that there's and and I know for women sometimes I used to feel like, oh, strategy is that is that manipulative?
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is that bad?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, no, strategy is a good thing.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Learn from my mistakes, please.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like having strategy is really great.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And what I have found is a lot of female business owners, in my experience, have not always been great at that.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that's been your experience, Judy, or if you can speak to that a little bit.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, I know it can be overwhelming, and uh I'll give you an experience or my own experience.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I love fiction.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: I write, but I for my clients I mostly write nonfiction, which I enjoy.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, um I have not yet published my own book.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so a year ago, I had kind of like I was juggling three or four different things.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, well, I have a novel series that I've been working on for a while, kind of in the background.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: I really wanted to write a uh my memoir when I actually started on it.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then uh kind of a self-help for single Christian women that I kind of toyed with because I was single for many years.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I thought, well, what about a book that aligns with my business?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so I talked it over with a couple people, and it's like you need to focus on that book for your business first because that's the one that's going to, you know, help you in your business.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna solidify your authority, it's going to position you better, it's gonna be a resource you can hand out.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's the one you need to work on first.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I did, and then I'm not saying I haven't worked on the others too, but I've been focused on this one and putting my energy into getting this one done.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's what you have to think about.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: You have to kind of set decide what are my priorities.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, my priority right now is to continue to build my business.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: So the most important book I can write is the one that's going to help me with that goal.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, down the road I can work on some of the other things.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: But uh that's what I would encourage people.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Think about what are your goals, short-term, long-term, midterm.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: What book aligns best with what is most important to you right now?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: I love that that you have in here.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I love that so much, you know.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I as a I'm a multi-passionate person, I love memoirs, I love theater, opera, ballet, I love museums, I I love the arts, right?
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I can appreciate sports, but don't make me sit through a whole whatever, please.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Dear God.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: But so I went to see a client and a friend do her showcase for her comedy class.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now she started working with me, and we did a private event together, and she opened for me, and it was this amazing experience.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then she was like, Okay, I want to work more.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: So she went and took this comedy class.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so inspired by the class and how, well, everybody did, and how the audience was really loving and supportive, which was a little different than it is in the East Coast sometimes, you know.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I was so inspired, and I am in the process of rebuilding my coaching and speaking.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: I have toured as a national comedian and international, and I've loved it.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: And touring is like break-even until you've been on TV a lot, and you know, so it doesn't make sense financially for me to focus on comedy.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I kept thinking, okay, Elaine, how could you still have your main focus on your business, your clients, all the things?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so I've been playing with like, you know, is it 15 minutes a day where I just noodle with one joke?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or do I take this comedy writing book with me?
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: And if I have, you know how we have downtime, you're waiting for the at the bank or whatever.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, do I have this book with me now all the time for inspiration?
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know how the answer.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: And for some other people, it might be like take three hours on a Sunday, and that's gonna be your creative time, right?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: So uh I I don't know why, I just feel really compelled to share this with women because I so many of us are multi-passionate and so many of us are overcommitted.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know I mean I can speak for myself and some of my clients, and some of us, you know, we and I enjoy being generous and and doing benefits or whatever.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: So um, and that can be a trap, but yeah, definitely.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that you are still playing with your other other things, right?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I think it's important.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: One thing I realized, I I actually realized it a couple years ago, but it took me about a year to kind of put it in motion, is for the first three and a half, four years of my business, I was really, I mean, I was obviously I was writing because I had clients, so I was writing for my clients, but so much of my thinking time was focused on the business.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: I was, you know, I have been an employee or a contractor most of my life.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: So actually having a business where you need to market and you need to network, which I enjoy those things, but I'm I'm learning, you know, I know how to write, but I'm learning how to business.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um it was taking up so much of my time that I realized I was losing touch with my passion for writing.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so I did a couple things.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to say three years ago, the three years ago and two years ago, I I attended a retreat, a writing retreat.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: And that that's kind of what spurred me to realize like, oh, I'm need to be doing this kind of thing because this reminds me oh yeah I love to write I love to be around writers I love to you know be in the creative space part of it so anyway I now host a writing group um here locally we meet once a week I just this last year hosted my first writing retreat and I'm working on hosting um another one this year um I'm already talking about who knows it may be a year or two but I'm trying to put together a self publishing conference um there's a lot of book conferences and stuff but what I've heard is that those are usually focused on traditional book deals and there's a lot of interest in self-publishing and there's not really many places that people can go.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway I love that idea I love that idea it may it may take a couple of years to get it going but I'm already talking to people and and looking at things and looking at venues and stuff.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: So um anyway but I think the big thing is I cannot tell you how life giving it is for me to go and have that writing group that I host every Tuesday night.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: It is one of the most it's like one of my favorite parts of the week um I just come away sit there and talk with other writers with no business pressures no you're just talking about what you love practicing what you like the craft of it.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes the craft of it exactly and that is um that is so life giving to me and uh anyway so that's been I love that it it feeds your heart and your soul like that's what I want to like exclamation point exclamation point I was you know I was on a mindfulness call on the whatever second Monday of the month and and we were all talking about how yoga even though it's a mindful thing it's not a yoga thing but several of us were sharing about how yoga saved our lives during certain really challenging times and how and this one was saying how she's been teaching and she keeps thinking should I keep teaching this one class and and then she realized like it feeds her so much.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes it takes time and attention but if it's really feeding you then once a week give that gift to yourself.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly exactly and I mean it's not just I I feel like it's good for my business too.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely I've got you know I've got other writers there I've got some beginning writers I've got some who publish several books so it's not just them learning from me I'm learning from them too in different experiences.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: And it again it just helps it helps my motivation and my perspective in my business um that hey I get to do what I love.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know instead of just thinking about oh gosh I got to get this thing to this client and I gotta pay this bill and I gotta you know all the things that you have to think about.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: I love that soak in and enjoy that I I'm actually doing getting to do what I love doing.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your purpose and you're guiding other people you know I was just watching ah I'm gonna cry I was just watching a clip uh from Jesse Jackson doing this thing he was at a music festival in the 70s and he was leading all of these people in the audience like I am somebody I may be on welfare but I am somebody I may be poor but I deserve respect like and I just think you know that man made such a difference and he never stopped doing stuff and and it just reminds me of like my passion to help women find their voice and to be self-expressed and speak well under pressure whether it's on camera or public or interviewing right and so you just never know how like your one sentence or paragraph or story or book could save somebody's life like you never you just never know and you know there's a podcast that says your your story may be somebody else's lifeline and I I truly believe that you know I've had dark nights of the soul having three addictions and overcoming a lot of things that should never happen to a little girl who's 12 or 13 or 19 you know and and I've had lots of different teachers and mentors and that's been one of the biggest joys from my book you know my strategy was to help me get more speaking on college campuses which it did which is great and I've had many people say this helped me not drink or you know this kid said meeting you and hearing your story was better than five years of therapy and it's like okay I will keep going you know like right no well with that in mind I'd um if you have time I'd love to share one story about myself.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh please yeah it was you know I think one thing you mentioned about women helping women to be more themselves and be learn to find their voice and so I think part of that for me has been learning to take responsibility for myself and I'll give you an example of what I mean um it's been a bit over a year or more that um I was working with a client on his book and it was there was some scope creep happening that I didn't realize at the time but along with that up till then he had been very positive.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: Everything I wrote he loved it was just great and then I sent him a chapter and he didn't like it at all which is completely fair right he doesn't have to like every single thing and it's totally normal you know I mean you don't always get everything exactly right but I was so triggered by his feedback like I like I was I wasn't quite hyperventilating but I was just so triggered like I could barely even talk to him anytime I saw his name pop up on the email or on the phone after that I was just like and I realized I have a problem I am a business owner I cannot be reacting this way to clients and to you know negative feedback.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: I can't so long story short I ended up getting into EMDR to deal with some things that were actually behind the trigger and that has helped me tremendously to be a lot more secure and not thinking you know taking things personally or not and and not being afraid to speak up and set boundaries where I need to too but um it was just a really good lesson to me to realize that you know it wasn't the client's fault right it was me being triggered by things that had nothing to do with him that meant I need to go needed to go figure that out what was what was causing that and take care of it.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's so powerful Judy wow and for if you're listening you're like what is EMDR I've done it I I uh you know I I'm really into all things healing I think it stands for like eye movement something desensitization yes eye movement I eye movement desensitization and reprocessing maybe repattering something and it's if you it's a very powerful modality if you go to a therapist they have to be certified and trained in it and it I saw it literally transform one of my sober sisters who had been asked to go do something and it it was at a place that was very triggering where she had been in her childhood and and I I so she went and did EMDR on this issue and she was able to go do this thing and I was so blown away and then when I went my first session the lady was like well you've had a lot of trauma where do you want to start you know so it's it's powerful work and I'm happy to uh answer any questions and I I have therapy friends who have done the training for it but yes it is so powerful and that's such a great lesson and you know part of having a business it is a transformational experience having your own business you know and whatever whatever issue you know they're gonna come up and you know one of my biggest you know learn from my mistakes kids you know when I I finally quit my trainer job in New York City and I committed full time to coaching and speaking and I didn't know how to work I I was like a dog chasing my tail and I doubled down on my marketing and learning and I didn't double down on my spiritual practices and you know I was doing the best I could at the time and I realized like when you go all into something at least for me I really needed to double down on some other practices and rituals too that would help me stay grounded and not in fight flight freak out fawn mode and I think that's one of the things that's another thing I've really had to learn through doing business.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think I told you a little bit of my backstory I was raised in a I was raised in a church where you know women are supposed to be homemakers and take care of kids and there was a lot of homeschooling and if that's the life someone chooses that's fine not trying to say that's a bad thing but it was the only option that I I thought I had growing up that be that was presented as is what women must do right um so when I didn't do that and ended up going to college and you know having a career and then transitioning into owning my own business it was a steep steep learning curve um just the mindset of of being a business owner and and making decisions and um one of the things that I really struggled with the first few years that's taken me a few years to get to really come to grips with is I would be busy.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: I would like you say I would be doing all these things over here like almost frantically and I still have to tell myself like busy doesn't mean productive frantic pace doesn't mean that you're actually moving forward.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so like you say attending to some of those other stuff the slow deep things that you've got to do that because otherwise your brain is not going to function on the things that need quick decisions.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna be the best you to come to that decision making process and do it if you're not taking the time to just sit back attend to you as you say your spiritual needs um and even just slow processing with your business.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes and to to get grounded and that can mean different things for different people you know I'm such I've I've had caffeine today because I woke up tired because it was a very busy weekend but you know even if I don't have a lot of caffeine I'm just a triple A personality.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so one of the things I learned that if I'm in some kind of intensive launch some it's okay for me to go have two workouts if I need to because it would ground me and and help me release anxiety or stress.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I've done that at times I get like not everybody has the space to do that every day and I don't every day but you know that was like an aha thing.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so you know if anybody's listening and you're new in business hang in there.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: Learning how you work best is a process.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know you don't wiggle your nose and like da-da.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so that has been um you know a slow and at times painful um lessons and I'm still learning.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: I am still learning what's my best thing and what do I need and I I love working out it helps me focus and some days I still don't always get to do that.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know I I wanted to say one other thing before we wrap up so for so long I had this vision of like I'm gonna rent a cabin by a lake and then I'll write my great big book you know Stephen King whatever.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then I realized like it's not gonna happen.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I learned to write in different periods of you know I had a I was speaking in Washington State and my flight got canceled because there was a blizzard in Newark.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I spent that night working on my on my book you know so you'd have these hidden pockets of gift of time and then the minute somebody would say oh a writing retreat first I would be like oh and then I'd be like my other biggest fear was what if I have nothing to say when I finally slow down and and luckily because I guess I've done five of these now is I I've learned to trust my creative processes sometimes a million things are coming to me and I'm getting all these downloads and then when I'm speaking too much or working too much I got nothing and then I fill myself back up and then I get you know so I've learned to sort of trust my creative cycle and I do believe that if you're with the right teacher perhaps Judy you know and you're at the right retreat it's really a gift you can give yourself just to see what bubbles up you know and that could be sacred time I mean who knows so I just you know I just wanted to address that if if you're like me and you're like oh writer that sounds amazing that sounds terrifying no way like you know they have those 10 day vinyasa silent retreats 10 days I'm like I could do three 10 I feel like I would lose my mind someday I'll do that but anyway I just wanted to speak to that and is there anything you want to say as a person who's done retreats writing retreats yeah so I you know this last year was the first time I held my own and then I attended a couple before that that somebody else held um I have found it very liberating and you know I think most of the people I asked you know I sent out a feedback form afterwards and that is probably one of the most consistent things that I got in the feedback was that just having the unstructured time we didn't have to worry about meals we didn't have to worry about household stuff you know no spouse or kids or work stuff to deal with it was just we could write and um there was no pressure to get it out you know get it out in a certain amount of time you could just sit there and look at the stream or the trees or wherever you were and just think.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: I I think a lot of times when people think about writing time they think you must sit there and be actually writing or typing.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know writing time includes thinking and pondering um as well but I will also say that one of my favorite exercises that I have found to be most helpful when I'm stuck and I don't know what where to go next or what to say next is a is an exercise called free writing.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: Are you familiar with that?
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: No okay so it's um you set a timer 10 minutes 20 minutes and you say I want to write about whatever you know pick a topic or a theme or whatever's been on your mind and you set the timer and for that 20 minutes whether you're writing by hand or whether you're typing you cannot stop writing you can't stop.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_01: Even if your brain you have a brain fart and it goes blank if that happens you sit there and write I can't think I can't think I can't think or blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and something every single time I have never heard of anybody who fills the whole 20 minutes with blah blah blah blah blah or I can't think I can't think something comes up and then no judgment if if your brain takes you on a rabbit hole you go down the rabbit hole um and you just write for 20 minutes.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_01: When the timer's up finish your sentence you know and go back and look over and I suggest doing two of those back to back or or more take a space in between go go to the bathroom get a drink whatever read over what you've written take something from that and then start a new 10 minutes or 20 minutes and just write and this is not writing by the way that is probably going to end up in any sort of finished product but it what it does what I have found and what I've I've uh led my writing group through this too and other people have found this helpful is it shakes things loose.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_01: It shakes loose thoughts that were buried that it encourages them.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes it does it it it it clear and then you read over it and you go oh my gosh I didn't really you know you start seeing patterns you start realizing you've been having thoughts on a topic that you didn't even realize um and it's it's just one of the best ways like you say to clear the path but also to kind of see where your brain has been and and help you understand where you need to to go with it.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: I love it what a beautiful tip so thank you so much Judy Lane I feel like I could talk to you forever.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna have all of your info in the show notes and please keep us informed when you release your book and all about the writer retreats and the self-publishing because I think that that is a beautiful concept that people want to know more about.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much Judy for sharing your and your time and attention and thanks everybody please share this with somebody subscribe rate review it helps the podcast to get it out to more people so please share this with somebody you love who maybe somebody's had a dream of writing a book and we will see you on stage or screen soon okay bye