Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Crowd Work Pack_ Denver Comedy Works Part 2

Transcript

Crowd Work Pack_ Denver Comedy Works Part 2 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: All right, so turn on the lights, man. I want
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: to see everybody in here. Oh, there's people up top, too.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: What's up, up top? You came back and still got
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: put up there? I know you mad as a motherfucker, too.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: They came to the first show. We're coming to the
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: next one, too. Get us. And now you up there
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: by the moon. What's your name in orange? It's your birthday, though,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: ain't it? Not today? When is it? The 23rd? Okay.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: That's close enough. I'm black. Black people celebrate all month.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Black shit. It's my birthday already. What is it? October? Like, wait, what?
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Turn up. The whole month. Why you pointing at him
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: so much? You thirsty? It's his birthday? Okay, well. He
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: ain't looking at me, so he want to be left
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: the fuck alone.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: He like, no, we locked in, baby boy. All right, well,
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: happy birthday, fam. Today's your actual birthday? Okay, so you
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: more important than her now, so let's just talk to you.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: What's your name? Nice to meet you, James. Who was
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: that lady that embarrassed you publicly a moment ago?
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: That's who? Sermon? Sarah. And that's your wife?
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Close enough. Shout out to being a piece of shit.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Are you boyfriend, girlfriend then? How long y'all been dating?
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Why you check?
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Two years?
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Two?
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Two?
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: How old is the baby? The baby three?
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Three? Yeah, we been together two years. Goddamn baby three.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: What's y'all origin story? How did you meet your queen?
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: That's not supposed to be how that works.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: He said, shh. Where y'all work at? Huh? Where you
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: from that you talk like that? Yeah, home in the
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: only moon. What the fuck is going on? Who was that?
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Are you from here?
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Why do you talk like Aesop's Fables? James, where are
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: you originally from, James? And what are you drinking?
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: That shit's going.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: Is.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: That semen? You got a cup full of nut? Jesus Christ.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Is that whipped cream? Yeah, get your right, sir. So
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: if I got whipped cream like a mother, he's like...
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Don't laugh too hard. That's you? That's you? That's yours?
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: That's you? Look at you.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Shout out to all the gay men that came out tonight.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: I appreciate y'all coming out. You a grown ass man
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: eating whipped cream in public. That's gay.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Gay.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: You're supposed to eat whipped cream off women.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Sir. Who you with? These your people? You ain't got
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: no bitches? What's that little pink thing hanging where you're
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: supposed to be? What is that? A little boo-boo? Like
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: a small cut? What the fuck is that, fam? It's
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: based off Gremlins. And so you just wear that everywhere?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Can I see it? Does it got anything to do
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: with the devil? No.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Cause I ain't playing with that. So you just put
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: this on every day when you get dressed? Does it
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: do something? Is it recording us? The fuck is this?
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Mom, dad, what the fuck is going on? You the mama?
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: What is this? This is comfort toy. He don't feel
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: comfortable without this. You don't know? You don't question this?
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: He just showed up one day like, mom.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: And you're like, that's my boy. This shit is weird, man.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: We got to talk about this so that he stopped
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: doing it. What's his name?
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Are you naming it right now? He's like, I call
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: it coochie. Because I don't get any, so I just
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: like to keep a little coochie right there. But I'm
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: going to. You ain't got no bitches doing no shit
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: like this. This is crazy.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck how beautiful a girl is
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: or how fine she think you are. You're like, yeah,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: let me get your phone number. She's like, you fine
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: as a.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: The fuck is that? Oh, it's based off of a gremlin.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I call it coochie.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Take this little musty ass thing back. That's supposed to
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: be on the dash of your car or in the back.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: How long you been wearing that?
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: What?
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Three weeks? Straight? You sleep with it? You wash it?
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: The fuck did I just touch, bruh? That shit got
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: three weeks of excrement on it.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: It was warm, too. As soon as I saw it,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I was like, this motherfucker a little hot.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: Fuck.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Don't nobody got no hand shit? Don't nobody got no sanitizer?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Come on, white lady. Give me some hand sanitizer. You
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: ain't got no hand sanitizer? White women always got hand sanitizer.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: You ain't got no hand sanitizer? You're bullshit. Come on, sis,
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: with that big ass purse. I know you got some
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: hand sanitizer. I didn't touch the goddamn doll.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: What's your name? Hi, Josh. And so where's your woman at?
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Never mind. This your mama, this your daddy too? No,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: but this is your, he's your father figure? Yeah? He
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: crossed his arms like, yeah, what am I, motherfucker? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I should take your little punk-ass dog.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: What? I'm finna get all into this. Y'all sat right
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: in the front. You might as well get comfortable. What's
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: your name, fool? Nice to meet you, Ray. So how
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: long you been fixing old cars? You fix motorcycles?
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: I know you fix something.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: That goddamn hat that says, I know what that sound is.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Let me get a goddamn wrench. I'm a goddamn grease
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: monkey when I see one. So how'd you meet his mama, man?
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Online. What website? Yeah, what was it? Couple years? You
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: been in the picture a couple years? Okay. You like
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: him yet? You love him? Tell him that. He ain't
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: heard it from me. You don't say shit like that
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: to him. I can tell.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: He loves you back, he just been waiting on you
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: to just man up and say it to him. In
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: between when I talk, he looks at you and waits
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: for you to look at him and say it. Look.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Look, look at each other. Ray, lock in.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Look at him, try to say I love you, man.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm talking about, we bringing families together.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The mama so happy. Give me that doll. I
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: like that, man. I believe in love, man. That's beautiful. Outstanding.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Y'all all live in the same house?
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: You got your own place? Okay, you be like, mom, fuck,
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: she's gone again. You be riding on the back of
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: them bikes he fixes? You live in your best life,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: ain't you?
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: He's like, come on, Ray, let's go. He's like, come on,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: let's go, fuck. How old are you? Your mama fucking.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: You know that, right? You know your mama fucking, right?
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: What?
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: This is science. This is regular shit.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: You think he just got here magically? Somebody busted in
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: your mama and then the egg was in the fallopian.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: It came down into the uterus.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: And then another man seen me and went in there,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: and it made you.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: And that's how we all got here. I don't know
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: why people get weird about their parents fucking. My parents old,
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: and I hope they fuck. I want them to die
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: together inside each other.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I want them....
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: If you really believe in love, that's the best way
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: to go out. Riding a dick, getting pounded out. I
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: want my mom like, good Lord, not.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: That's what I want. I want to root my dad on.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Fuck the shit out of her, daddy.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah!
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah! I'm serious. People get weird about that. Oh my God,
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: my parents fuck? Yes. I hope they fuck hard too, man.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Life is hard.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: The older you get, it don't get easier. You just
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: be like, man, I need some, I'm mama. You might
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: as well wrap your mind around it, man.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: They healthy. They older. They gotta pack it out. You
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? You still fuck, right? Hell yeah!
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Goddamn right, I put this throbbing three inches in a
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: bitch so fast.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it, she sucks it. That's it, she sucks it.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: We gotta stop dancing around that topic. Let the parents fuck, man, shit.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: They already raised your goofy ass. It's a sacrifice for you.
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: Let them get some, let it happen. Ain't that right,
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: old school? Did you just look around for an older person?
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: You're 106 years old, sir.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: I am clearly talking to your Bill Nye, the science
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: guy looking ass.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: This motherfucker looked around, who the fuck he talking to?
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: This motherfucker got a healthy ass 401k. I'm talking to you, sir,
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: the old white man right there. He turned around and
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: looked at Akon and Star Jones.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: What the fuck? How old are you?
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: 64.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: And you look good for 64.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I thought you were going to be about 72, 73.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Who you with? Your whole family? That's wonderful. And the
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: black guy? He was like, So you everybody daddy? That's
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: your daughter? You have a beautiful daughter. You did good.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: The mother must be beautiful because you look funny.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Her too, she got the same. That's your uncle? Outstanding.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: That's your cousin? That's how that works, baby girl. I
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: don't know if you know.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: She said, that's my uncle and that's my cousin. That
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: was an important piece of information. And so who's that
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: behind you? It looks like he maxed all his guns
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: on Call of Duty.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: You're the fiance? Outstanding. So are you still in or
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: you got out?
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: You're not a soldier? You got a soldier haircut and
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: sniper glasses. Thank you for your service.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: What do you do? Are you in the military? Hilarious. Yeah,
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: call the duty. Pops, you like him or he ain't shit?
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: He's all right. He's all right with us? Okay, cool.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: What about over here? A little niecey-poo, she all right? Okay,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: what about this little asshole next to her? Yeah, we're
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: on the fence about him. He's got sunglasses on at night.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Fucking Justin Bieber hair. We don't know about you, bro.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: What do you do for work?
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: You fucking run a veterinary clinic or something? Engineer?
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: You do not look like that. What kind of engineer? Chemical, okay,
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: and that's why you look like that. This motherfucker working
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: with nuclear waves.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: He's like, I'm gonna do my hair like that. So
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: you working in chemical engineering, man. That's good. How long
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: you been doing that? One year.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, so you already starting to see some checks in
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: that motherfucker. You done changed your life. Hell yeah.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: Who owns the place you work at? An oil company?
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: So you just graduated recently, you look young, and you
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: walk right into a chemical engineering job at an oil company.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: And you earn that position. He started laughing right away.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: We're white. We are white. We use nepotism, young man.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: You don't know that? Somebody owns that shit. You know him.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Your uncle, your dad, somebody. You don't have to be
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: honest with me, but your daddy know whoever that person is.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: That's what white people do.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Understand? You know what I'm saying? Shit. We're going to
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: get you somebody. I'm going to hook you up with
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: somebody tonight. You deserve someone, you know? What you like?
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Women?
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: You have a sensitive soul.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: I can feel you. You're a sensitive person a little bit.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: Like, you feel like when birds die, you be like.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: What I mean?
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Like, you don't look like a crazy motherfucker. You know
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, you probably went under to get
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: those arm tattoos. Like, you... Yeah? They put you under?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: You're like... You just woke up tatted? Okay.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, we're gonna get you somebody. We're gonna get you
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: a woman that got a good soft spirit, too. You
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying? Because if we put you with
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: the wrong woman, man, it'd be all fucked up. you
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying one of these hardcore women like
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: her right there with them glasses you see her the
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: sexy library chick leave her the fuck alone you know
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: what I mean she'll ruin your goddamn life right her
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: she look innocent.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: That bitch will fuck your whole shit up.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Ray be like I can't find none of my bikes
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: she like I see I know a tough ass bad
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: bitch when I see one she right there what's your
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: name Angelina what's the link.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: To your OnlyFans. You don't do that? Okay. You should
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: get on there, girl. What do you say? You a
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: good girl? How good? See? She said, but I'll fuck
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: your world up, though. Who's that with you? That's your sister?
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: How you doing, neighbor? Hey, diddly-ho there. You built your
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: house together? What you mean? Like y'all actually was like
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: hammering and screwing shit?
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: What? Like the girls on TikTok that be building houses?
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: You bullshit. Okay. I like this for you.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: She gonna talk a little shit, but she gonna build
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: a house. She'll build a house for all your little
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: thingies too.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: All that little shit. So where'd you build your houses? Junction. Oh,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Grand Junction. Okay, okay.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: And so they just let you just build your own
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: shit out there? You don't need a general contractor? Did
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: you build a big house, a little house?
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: What'd you do? 1,400 square foot with your bare hands.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: You didn't have no help? Mexicans? Mexicans? There was a
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: group of you, you said?
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: So there's like a group of women that just build
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: houses out here?
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Families of women? This is interesting as fuck. Are you
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: guys Amish? How did you meet? You just run a
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: Facebook group? What the fuck? Whose idea was it? Like,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: you know what? Fuck this. I'm building my house.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: I'm going to find a community of other bad bitches
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: and we're going to build a bad bitch cul-de-sac.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: That's fucking kind of lit though. How big is your house?
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: It's the same exact 1400? You got the same map?
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: So there's like floor plans for single women building houses?
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Dot com? This is crazy. How did you hear about this?
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Like were you just scrolling? You did the drywall and
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: the siding? Electrical? Plumbing? What?
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Fuck.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: My job.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Twice. She's like, I built my own house.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: That's amazing. You don't usually see no shit like that.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Where's your husband at? Is
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: your boyfriend here with you? You're both single?
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Somebody else volunteer. I'll do it. I will do it.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: I will add an addition to the 1,400.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Stand up. Let me see you. Okay. Stand up. Sit
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: your little ass down, boy. That boy was like, yeah.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I could build him a dog house. Wow. You're so spaceship.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: I think I like this boy. What you think, mama?
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Because I don't want to judge her by her tattoos.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: You got the same tattoos on your arm. So there's
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: a little Freudian here. That junction's too far? It's three
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: hours away? Damn. You drive a car, don't you? You
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: don't drive? What about a bike? Ray, you fix bikes.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: All right. You could have a car, right? You mind
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: coming to drive about three hours? It's too far. He
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: got to put in that word? Okay. Well, he likes
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: fuzzy little things by his.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: I believe in him. You should give him a chance.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: You what? You got kids? I didn't say get pregnant.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: God damn. God damn.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: I just said practice. Or did you call him a kid? No,
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: he's grown, he's just with his mama.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: How old are you? He's 42 years old. He was
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: young as fuck, I tried to fix it. He's like,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I'm 21, why? How young are you? 35, okay. So
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: if I was to find a man in here for you,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: how old would you like him to be? Hello?
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: 40?
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, you want to date? Okay, you've been through some shit.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: God is mine right is crazy to say. Who'd you
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: date last? I don't have my rhyme right. Okay.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: Is there any single men in here 40 years old
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: want to live on a homestead?
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Taller than 5'5? She already has kids. You're too little,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: her kids gonna be like, sit your bitch ass down.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: You gonna have to do it, dude. They gonna have
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: you in the head like, what's up, mister? What's up,
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: mister little man? Our mom built this house, fuck you.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: How tall you want your man to be?
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Taller than you, you're five six? How tall are you? Fine, look.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: What's up, fool? Okay, fuck it then. Stand up, let
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: him look at you. She bad. Hey, go right over there.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Go right there, go over there. Let me see how
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: y'all look together. Give her a hug, be a gentleman. Wait, what? Okay, come, sir. Oh,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: she got on heels? Okay. Give her a hug. Let
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: me see y'all energy, if y'all got.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: I.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Don't like it. Sit back down. She hugged like she
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: built a house. She was like....
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Them heels fucked me up. He got over there and
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: was shorter than her. I was like, ah, this looks
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: like a project. All right, we'll find you somebody else.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: How old are you? Well, that's why.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: It ain't got nothing to do with how tall he is.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: He's not 40. Any 40-year-old man, single, clap twice.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Right there? Sir, you're not 40.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Ain't no goddamn way with that old ass motherfucking beard.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: You look like Santa Claus. Ain't no goddamn way. If
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: you're 40, you've been doing cocaine powder, sir. You look
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: old as a mother. He's like, well, you know. What
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: the fuck? Calm down, Paul Wall. How old are you?
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: You said right here. I see you, motherfucker. How old
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: are you? Oh, okay. Who was that? Sound black. I'm 40.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: What are you? Mexican, you need some more help? You
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: got anything you want? You got a garage already? What
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: do you say, baby? She said, we're done. We built everything.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: But he's Mexican. He might have an idea or two.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: You want an in-ground pool? He got you. Two hours. Done.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Whole goddamn pool outside. What's your name, fool?
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Mo? That's Mexican? What's that short for? There it is.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: It wasn't Mohammed, I know that. Guillermo. Okay.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: He been rolling his tongue his whole life just to
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: say his name. Now imagine you put that tongue roll
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: in the right spot.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Guillermo. How's that? Shit. He said, and I got papers.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Show me. I'm just kidding. That white guy was like, whoa,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: wait a minute. It's okay, just calm down.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: So Guillermo, you're 40, but you ain't got no kids,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: no woman, no nothing? Okay, ex-wife, three kids. You still
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: in the kids' life? Are they still in your life?
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Where the ex-wife at? The kids are old enough that
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: they don't live with her?
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: How old is your youngest? Did they build their own house?
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Three Mexican kids, two weeks flat. Rambler, far as I
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: can see. That's racist.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Guillermo. He ain't lit very well
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: where he's sitting, but he sounds handsome. Maybe you like that.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: What kind of man you like? What nationality do you
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: have an affinity towards?
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: The brothers.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: You didn't have to lick your lips after you said it.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: She's like, the brothers. The brothers. Quit trying to fuck.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: We got any black men 40 years old, single? Clap twice. Nope.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: Somebody clap once. His wife grabbed the other hand.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: I wish you would clap two times, you goofy motherfucker.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: What about you? You look single and black. How old
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: are you? You, right there. You, right there. Okay, well,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: you got to say something. You look single.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you got her all behind you like a
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: little goddamn little Japanese woman. Who is he that he's
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: sitting where your woman should be? Well, quit fucking him
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: and pay attention to her.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: That's his mama. Hey, mama. I love the mamas. When
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: the mamas come out, it warms my heart. How you doing, mama?
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: You having fun? Outstanding. So that's your mama right there?
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I like that. I like that. Mama, you still living
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: your life to the fullest, having fun, getting your back
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: broke out? She said, right on. See? Mom's fuck, bro.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Just wrap your mind around it. Mom's fuck.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: What?
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Are you a mom, sir? Shut your ugly ass up.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: He's been kind of getting my attention all goddamn show.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I want to talk to y'all. Is that all right?
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: You cool with that? Outstanding. How you doing? You hold
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: your mouth like you might not have all your teeth.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: You good? You have a beautiful mouth, man. Smile more, man.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: You should have more facial expressions. You know, every time
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: I look at you, you're like, you know. I'm standing.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: This your lady right here? You did good, man. Y'all
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: look good together, man. Y'all been together a while, huh?
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Couple years. Hell yeah. Young love. Fuck yeah. You love her, bro?
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah. Skeleton Wonder, uh, He.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Said, oh yeah, good time for shopping.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: You get blacker and blacker the more you talk. Okay,
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: what are you though? You look ethically ambiguous. Puerto Rican, 100%. Oh,
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: I see it now. Your eyebrows are done. I see it.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: Who you play baseball for? You retired? Shortstop, second base?
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Fuck yeah. Turnin' two, goddammit, let's go. Fuck yeah. You
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: play for somebody, we'll be like, oh shit, that's him.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: No?
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Just Colorado State. So where'd you meet your queen at?
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: Online.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Online? What website was that? Hinge.
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: Hinge?
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: What's that? Is that the one where the girls peek?
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: And you fell in love what was your first date
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: like off the internet like how'd you get her to
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: like look you in your eyes in person.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Uh-oh birdman hands.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: He's like well you know so i told the bitch
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: tighten up tighten up so where was how'd you get
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: her off the internet and into your life.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Just got some food, talked over some food. Do you
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: remember where you ate at?
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: I pulled up where she was parked at.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: You pulled up where she was parked at? You was homeless?
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: I pulled up where she was parked at. It's crazy. Oh,
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: so you were in your car like, I'm here. I'm
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: in the blue car in the back. And he was like, well,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: come on. I got you. I don't want you to walk.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: So he's a gentleman and a scholar. I like that.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: What do you do for money? What do you do
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: for money?
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: I own a barbershop.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: You own the whole barbershop and need a haircut. That's crazy.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: There's literally hair sticking out all over the place. You
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: need a line. That's wild. That's like a fat PE coach.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: I don't believe you. Where'd the shop at though, man?
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about your business. It's where?
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: There's an Englewood out here? Is it like the other Inglewood? Okay,
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: my bad. All the Blacks and Mexicans, absolutely not. It
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: ain't a motherfucking way. There's only one blood in this Inglewood. Okay,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: and then what do you do for a living?
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Aesthetician.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Aesthetician.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: That's skin care and shit? Okay. Coochies? Coochies? Yeah, eyelashes
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: and coochies? That's what's up.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: You ever meet somebody that can't grow eyelashes so you
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: use their coochie hair? She's like, my eyes stink like
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: a motherfucker. I don't know where, I really don't know
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: where that came from.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, sir. You deserve better from me than that.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: Hair eyelashes is crazy. But what if, what if that's
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: what those eyelash packs are?
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: The little white thing where they all lined up like
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: they're already on an island. What if that was hair?
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: What would y'all do? You would still buy it. Like,
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck. Bitch look good.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Shit. Hair blinks.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: That's crazy. I like y'all for each other though, man.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: I was worried when I came out. I was like,
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: I don't think she's scared. But now I see the love.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: Your eyes have lit up. You're showing more teeth. I
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: appreciate this.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: I'm standing. I hope y'all make it forever. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: Because some couples, you ain't going to make it. You
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: know who you are. You're in here right now like, man,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: tell a joke, please. This shit ain't going so hot.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: You're sitting in here behind your fiance like, man, what
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: the fuck?
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Hey, by the way, dilly dilly. Hey, man, I'm Nate Jackson.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I love y'all, man. Peace.