Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Gold Star, Not Platinum with Andrew Rannells

Transcript

Gold Star, Not Platinum with Andrew Rannells · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea, Hi, what's going on? I
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: just got back from Mexico, and is it? It's still lovely,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: It's still wonderful. I go every year for this girls
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: trip with two of my best girlfriends. I leave my
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: husband at home. This time there were three dogs to
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: take care of, so he's slightly resentful, but has forgiven
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: me for just tell him to shut the fuck up.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Honestly, slightly resentful. Who sperm made those dogs his?
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Absolutely exactly no, But he did great with the pups.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I was gone and I just hung out and playing
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: with Harris with my girlfriends and a lot of tacos,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: and it was great. I like Cabo. Yeah, yes, actually
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: I'm going to Cobbo a little later this year.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Well, oh my god, look at you. You're like just
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: a regular globetrotter.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Where are you going next?
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: I have a lot of vacations lined up this summer.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be all over, but I'm gonna be
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: globe trotting. I'm going to London, I'm going to Spain.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: I'm going to Africa. My sister and I are going
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: to become lesbians. My dream for us to become a
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: unit is fine. Happening. She can't resist my advances anymore.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: The other day she sent me a property and said,
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: what do you think about buying this together? I was like, Oh,
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: here we go. I was like, it's starting. She's starting
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: to capitulate to the fact that we are going to
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: be long lost lovers.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Oh fantastic. Which one is it that you're taking as
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: your lover, Simone?
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Is I am taking her as lover?
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Sehan is married, of course, but yeah.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: She It was funny because when we were in Maine
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: a few years ago, my brother Roy I think I
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: mentioned this before, wanted to. I was like, Oh, look,
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: we could all get a compound because like eventually, I
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: just not eventually for climate change. I want to buy
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: like one hundred acres, either in Maine or Northern Canada,
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: somewhere along those lines. And I was like, we can
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: all have our different houses and you know, on the property,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: and then have a main house. Like this is exactly
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: what I wanted to. Yeah, to just live with in a.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Commune, yes, exactly that you built yourself and it's beautiful and.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: It stays above water. Yes, you know, I'm climate paranoid.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: After reading all the things that I've read so I
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: have had to pivot my reading material. You guys, I
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: performed at Red Rocks last Wednesday, and it was the
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: most epic night, one of the most epic nights of
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: my life.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Well, you posted that you were the first woman to
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: ever headline.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Female comedian, the first female comedian to ever headline there. Yeah,
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: I know that's crazy. Hello, Welcome to the future. Anyway,
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: that was so fun because I woke up Wednesday and
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Red Rocks is a huge show. There's like eight thousand
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: people there. So I get a text from my manager
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: or agent and they're like, Okay, it's pouring in Colorado,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: bring more clothes. And I'm like, well, what do you
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: mean it's pouring. This is an amphitheater, Like, how do
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: I perform in the rain? And they're like, oh, rain
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: or shine, it goes on. I'm like, but it's calling
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: for Lender. I mean Lounder, you guys was calling for Londer,
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: not under And I was like, people could get electrocuted
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: with Lounder and they were like, no, no, they have
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: a whole system in place. They have a meteorologist that
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: works at Red Rocks that checks the storm.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: So if it's actually too unsafe, yeah.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: If it's like three miles within three miles of the venue,
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: I learned that they will call off the show. Anyway,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I went, my sister Smoke came, my bestie Sophie came,
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: A bunch of people were there, My agents and managers
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: all came out because it was just going to be
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: one of those nights. And I never look at the
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: stage before I go on stage. Huh, I just don't.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: But this is something else that's not my thing. But
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: because it was raining, I went out and I was like,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: I just want to see where the roof stops over
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: the performer.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Are you getting rained?
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: Now? What do I need to be wearing out here?
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Because I had my hair done, I had like the
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: extension pieces in like you know, and and then I
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: saw the stage and the person who was performing was
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: just getting so now I was like, wait what. So
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: then I went in the bathroom, ripped out all my
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: hair pieces, put my hair in a ponytail, rolled up
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: my sleeves and I was like, bitch, you need to
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: get your head on string because you are basically going
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: to be walking around in the rain. And so you
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: also got rained on well yeah, but it wasn't as dramatic.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: I mean it was dramatic for the audience members because
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: they are the ones that sat there. And they said,
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: you don't understand Colorado's because I said, I'm not a
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: performing to a half empty you know, we sTLD tons
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: of tickets for this. I don't want to perform to
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: a half empty house. And they were like, no, Colorados
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: are used to it. They don't care. And I can't
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: tell you how electrifying the whole night was and almost
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: getting I mean it was electrifying with no one getting electrocuted,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: so that a life. But I was on such a
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: high and it was so funny. I got home. You know,
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: we're all drinking, having a little after party, had friends
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: that came from that live in Colorado. We're all out backstage.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: After we go we go to the hotel. You know,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: it's so much fun, and we're just such a celebratory mood.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: And I'm lying in bed, going to sleep, going I'm
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: so happy no one's in my bed right now. That
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: was the last thing I said. As I was falling asleep.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: I was like, so happy, And then I was just thinking,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy I get to celebrate this a lot.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: You get all to yourself. But it was a real
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: pivot because we flew from Denver to the next night,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: I was in New York City. The next night I
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: played the Catskills, so that was quite a transition. Cat
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Skills was awesome. Then I went to Bangor, Maine, and
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: then I went to Wallingford, Connecticut. So they were all
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: very great shows. So I just had a great week.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: And then this weekend I'm performing at Graceland.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Oh oh my god.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm doing three dates in Tennessee, like Chattanooga and
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Memphis and some other Knoxville. Yep.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: I heard Chattanooga is beautiful. I've never been, but I've
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: heard it's wonderful and like the Mountainey and all that stuff.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: Well good, I hope I see that, because you know,
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Tennessee is not my hit list right now. I'm not
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: happy with their politics, so it's very hard for me
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: to go to these places, even though I know my
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: presence is necessary.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Right it's needed, it's needed. And we get emails all
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: the time too about like wait, no, but please come
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: to these places that are trying to keep you out
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: or like trying to change the laws and all this stuff.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll be getting a lot of d on Instagram
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: and a lot of comments about my Florida, comments about
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: not visiting Florida. But I have to say, guys, the
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: only way to make a point in any place in
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: this country is economically. And even though I'm only one person,
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: I hope other artists will follow because it's just unacceptable
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: what he's doing down there. He's disgusting, absolutely disgusting politics.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Now he's trying to ban books from the Holocaust. He's
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: took away any sort of affirmative action program they have
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: for universities. I'm not sure what the wording is for Florida,
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: because it's not called affirmative action down there. I'm sure
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: they got rid of that language a while ago. So
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: it's just it makes me so sick to my stomach,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: as it should to every American.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: The Daily did a really interesting episode about how Tucker
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Carlson is like literally in Florida, they're taking keys from
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: his playbook and there when he flew all those migrants
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: to Martha's Vanier. That was something that Tucker Carlson set
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: on the air and then he went ahead and did it.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Well, I read an interesting article also about Rupert Murdoch
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Vanity Fair. I guess it was last month. I don't know.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: It was in my hotel room, but it was amazing
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: about the dynamic with his family and you know, basically
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: how succession is mimicking the whole. He plays the kids
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: all against each other. And he had lunch with Ronda
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Santis and his wife about a year ago and said,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: if you are the Republican nominee or if you want
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: to run for president, like you have our backing, because
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: now Trump and Fox are you know, at our cross roads.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: They're not really, But I don't believe any of these
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: people because of what happened last time the Minute gets
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: the nomination, they're all going to turn around and be
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: like okay, because they'd be willing to take that over,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: you know, another Biden administration of course, and Biden administration.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: I don't have a lot to say about that either.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Like I I'm for a lot of the things that
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: he's done, but I understand that he's also one hundred
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: and seventeen years old. Yeah, that's not going to get
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: any young people excited, right.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I will say it has been very nice to just
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: not have to think about the president for a couple
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: of years.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: I know, it's so nice to not have to think
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: about that stuff.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Brad has been rewatching parks and rec and is
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: this very hopeful time before twenty sixteen? And man, it
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: was a real it was a much simpler time. You're
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: reminded of like how how maybe foolish we were and
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: hopeful we were that like things were just going to
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: keep getting better for everybody.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to participate in the way that I
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: did last time by watching the news on ad nauseum.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to let I'm not going to listen
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: to Donald Trump speak. I can't take it. It's too upsetting.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: And I'm smarter and wiser now and we have to
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: focus on I don't know what we have to focus on,
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: quite frankly, I mean it feels slightly, you know, hopeless,
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: and I don't ever want to I don't ever want
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: people to listen to me and feel hopeless after So
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: we're just going to remain positive and know that the
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: world is a cyclical place and yep, there are good
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: times and bad times, and let's just enjoy the time
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: that we're in now.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and voting still matters, you know, we do what
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: we can to move toward a better tomorrow, as they say.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: And on it's a very special note. We have a
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: very special guest. We do you know him? He's in everything.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I first saw him in the Book of Mormon on Broadway.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: He's had a book called Too Much Is Not Enough,
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: and now he has a new book out called Uncle
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: of the Year. Please welcome Andrew Raddles. Andrew, did we
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: fucking wake you up?
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: No? I was just like late. It's almost two thirty
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: here in New York, so.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: You were sleeping from last night. Still.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: No, I'm so sorry. Chelsea Handler, that's me. Hi, I'm
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: so excited to meet you.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Hi, and I'm Catherine Last Catherine my co host.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Hei.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: Hello, how are you.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I'm just great.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: Well, congratulations Andrew on your book.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Well, thank you. You know how hard it is to
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: write a book and then distribute a book. It's a
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: tricky situation.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: It's a lot of work to put out a book.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm very proud of this book. I wrote
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: one a couple of years ago, and that one seemed
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: to sort of come out a little bit easier in
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: some ways. This one was a little harder to talk
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: about and a little harder to share. But I'm very
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: excited to get to share it. You know. The weirdest,
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: the weirdest part of it was doing the audio book. Yeah,
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you had this.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: I find that to be incredibly annoying.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: Well, I like, I wrote it, and I did all
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: of the stuff, and I feel like I really processed
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: all of my thoughts. And then I had to like
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: read it out loud in front of a weird stranger,
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: an engineer who had not read it, by the.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Way, but gives you notes on your performance and hasn't
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: read the book and has never met you.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: Yep, And he was like, it doesn't sound like you.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: And I was like, I'm sorry, what now doesn't sound
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: like me? Okay?
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: I had a guy go talk more slowly. I don't know,
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: That's not how I talk.
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was very strange, but I'm happy with the
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: way it all came out.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: But man, a man, So why do you think that
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: this experience or the second the second book for you
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: was more difficult than the first.
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: I feel like the first book was a little more linear.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: It was a little more about like how I started
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: into showbiz, and like it felt like a little more
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: natural progression. This one is more about more adult stuff.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: I guess it all kind of started because I wrote
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: this essay for the New York Times about my anxiety,
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: and it's much more personal.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Can you talk a little bit about your anxiety experience,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: because I know you started therapy because of that, and
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: then you know it wound up being a very good
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: thing for you because of other things that happen in
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: your life.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: I've had many therapists over the years. Some of them
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: are great, you know therapists, or it's hard to find
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: a good one sometimes. I really struggled during the pandemic.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: I've been very lucky as an actor. I go from
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: job to job to job, and then I had a
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: really hard time not working and it was really hard
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: to like stop and slow down and figure out, well,
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: who are you if you don't have a job. And
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: that was a really tough thing to figure out.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: And very relatable basically, since everyone was pretty much out
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: of a job at the same time. Yeah, even though
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: it feels isolated like it's happening to you, I mean,
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: in reality, it is happening to the whole world.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Everyone sort of had that feeling where like the bottom
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: just sort of dropped out and you had nothing to do,
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: and I thought maybe I could relax into it. But
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: I couldn't relax into it. I see, Yeah, and that
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: was I thought, maybe, like, well, nothing's happening in everyone's
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: on the same page and it's totally fine. I couldn't
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: get on board.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Well, And there is a sort of thing where, you know,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: our identities get wrapped up in what we do. It's
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: the thing we spend ten twelve hours a day doing.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: We say, I am a actor, podcast producer, whatever or not.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: That's what I do. So it's difficult. We have to
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: separate those two things.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: It's hard to balance the act of your consciousness like spirituality,
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: with your reality. Sometimes it's really hard to be the
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: person you want to be in a stressful situation sometimes
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: and then you're like, fuck, wait, I thought I would
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: be able to handle something like this better. Not that
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: anyone had, you know, any idea the pandemic was coming,
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: but no, but it is.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: That's a very good way to say it. It's like
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I thought maybe I could handle myself better.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think with therapy a lot you did
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: you go to therapy before the pandemic as well?
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: Sure, yeah, yeah, No, I've had I mean like off
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: and on for you know, twenty five years. I've had
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: a different Yeah.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know from my own experience that you have
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: this idea sometimes when you go for a long enough
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: period of time that you're fixed and there shouldn't be
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: another issue. Like for me, I'm always like, Okay, I
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: sorted all of that out. I shouldn't have to face
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: anything like that again. And so then when you're faced
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: with it again, and you may act in a seemingly
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: similar way, you're definitely like, there's self flagellation evolved because
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: you're like, fuck, I already learned that lesson what am
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I doing this again for?
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: Why did I do it differently? Yeah, I've had many
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: different therapists. I have a therapist that I went to
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: for many, many years, and I realized I sort of
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: hit a wall with this therapist. And I realized when
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: I hit the wall, he sort of like I was
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: telling him a story and he sort of like glasped
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: over it in a little bit like I could I
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: could tell he wasn't listening. And then he said to me, Andrew,
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: what's too aimful to remember? It's simply hard to forget.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: So what's the laughter? We remember, and I said, did
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: you just quote the fucking way we were to me?
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: And he said, oh god, I'm so sorry. I guess
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: I did. And I said, you quoted the way we
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: were to a gay man.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: And thought you wouldn't catch it?
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Was he gay? Because he is now? He's now gay?
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: He was not gay? But I was like, how could
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: that happen?
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: That's so funny and so possibly say that right. I've
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: had moments like that with people when they've said something.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: I'm like, that's the end. That's the end of our friendship.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: You just crossed the rubicon.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: Can I tell you one more therapist please? That I
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: wrote in my book, And I'm sure my ex boyfriend
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: would like my ex boyfriend and I His name was Michael.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: We really tried. We went to a lot of couple's therapy.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: We really really tried. And we went to the couple's therapist.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: He was, you know, talking to a therapist, and he said,
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: Andrew sucks the air out of every room we go into.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: It's like I'm not even there. Every time we walk
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: into a room. It's like no one even sees me.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: He went on and on and on and then and
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: then the therapist said, Andrew, did you hear it? Brian
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: just said and I said, his name is Michael. He
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: went what and I said, his name is Michael.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: The same thing happened to me. I talked about this
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: on an earlier episode. My therapist was like, oh, your
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: boyfriend Greg. I'm like, you mean my husband, Brad.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I love it. I love it.
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: Not great, It's not great, Chelsea. Not great.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I'm going to bring up my favorite story in the book,
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: which of course, is you having sex with a married
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: man and then having his wife return your panties to you.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Oh no, yeah, Oh I actually read it. Oh yeah, yeah,
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: we read it together.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: Read the book.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah. I'm a reader and Catherine is a
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: podcast producer, like you said earlier, So that's our job
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: to read your book.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: I know, but I didn't think most people actually read it. Oh.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I forced her Taine to send it to us.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: Oh god, okay. I did have sex with a very
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: ultra conservative married man, just like a one night stand,
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: and it was a strange situation and I regret doing it.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: I wonder how he's doing now. It's sort of my
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: because I've not kept in touch well.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: And then the part about his wife returning your underwear
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: to you?
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what was the hell like when she started getting
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: texts from her being like I want to talk to you.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: Oh that was a little tricky. So I left. He
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: sort of took all of my clothing with him, and
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: we were doing a musical together. And a couple days
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: later she showed up in town and she did arrive
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: with my washed and cleaned underwear and like a little baggy.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Like a sachet.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: Well it was like a little FedEx.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: Bag and was totally fine with the fact that he
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: was gallivancing around with men.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Correct.
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if she was fine with it,
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: but I think that she had come to terms with it.
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: I think she had made up her mind that like,
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: we're going to get through this.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: Well, if you think about the dynamic between a gay
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: man and a woman, right, like your bestie, whoever your
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: best friend is, that's a gay man. Ideally, the best
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: chemistry would be for the two of you to be
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: married and just like her man on the side, you're
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: in a long term relationship. I know you two are
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: a very hot couple. You and your boyfriend talks your partner,
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: I should say, well, because you're more than boyfriend and boyfriend.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: Right, well, yeah, boyfriends partners. Yeah, we're not married. We
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: met doing Boys in the Band together twenty eighteen, and
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: we've like, you know, it's the laziest story ever that
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: like two actors met doing like a show together. Couldn't
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: have been.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Lazier, I have to say. I told Chelsea this morning.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, when I realized that's who Andrew Reynolds
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: was dating, it was like, the two of you together
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: are so incredibly hot as a couple. I was taken aback.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: You also kind of look alike similar, so I'm sure
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: you've heard that before.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: We do have a similar vibe.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Yea, yeah, you look like you're both from a different decade,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: but a very similar.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: Is that narcissistic that I'm sort of dating myself?
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Probably? I mean what else could it be?
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: I now dumb actor? DOUWMB actor? Yeah no, And people
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: have asked me like, well, how did you guys meet?
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: I was like, well, we were playing boyfriends in a
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: movie and that's as simple as it is.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: But aren't you like a stepfather?
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Now?
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: Doesn't he have two children?
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: He does have two children? Yes, you know, am I
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: a stepfather? You know? I try my best to sort
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: of be as present as possible. I'm not there a lot, unfortunately.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: I work a lot in New York, and he's in
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: LA and he's in Los Angeles. Yeah, and I.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Can just pop over there and look after the kids.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: I love children, So you just tell me when I
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: know I can take some of the load off.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: I know you dig a kid. I know that from
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: just being a fan. But you know, it's like it's
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: tough because I'm gone a lot. I try to be
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: as present as possible. I really do.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: I really liked in the book how you talked about
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: sometimes having a difficult time connecting with them. Chelsea and
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I have talked about this too. It's like, because they're
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: like preteenish, right, they're like eleven.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: Ish, they're ten, okay.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: But it's like sometimes you're like, what do I talk
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: about with a ten year old? It can be difful Yeah,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: but you.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Know, I hate fucking having to make conversation. I fucking
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: hate that. So when you're talking to a ten year
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: old like that isn't related to you, even when they
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: are related to you, sometimes it's like it can be
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: a chore. Like that's why people become parents because they're
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: ready to take that responsibility on. And I think what
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: I find so annoying is that I'm not supposed to
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: take that on. I chose not to do that. So
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: don't expect me to mingle like with your kids unless
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: they're fucking cool. And then I'm into your kids, like
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: I'm in really cool kids. My friend Jamie Greenberg has
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: a really cool kid, yeah money, and I like her.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but kids are mostly not cool.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're idiots because they haven't grown up yet.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: And and I think being a parent, and I really
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: appreciate my siblings skill at this, that they really do
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: engage with their kids in a great way. And I
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: found that I maybe don't have that skill, Like I
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: don't I don't have that like natural thing where I'm like, oh,
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: I know how to talk to a kid. I don't
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: always know how to. Sometimes I can like sort of
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: drop in and be and there are moments with TuS
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: kids where like I do it well, but like, sometimes
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: I don't do it well, and it's really hard to
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: It was a really hard lesson to learn, Oh, you're
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: not naturally good at this, and some people are naturally
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: good at it. Some people just like know how to
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: do it and know how to talk and like fuck
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: around with kids. But like I don't have that gene,
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: and it was a really hard lesson to figure out. Oh,
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: you don't know how to do it, that was tricky.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: I'm good with like the fun stuff I'm good at,
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: like messing around at a target, right, doing having some fun,
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: I'm good at that. Taking them to school not so good.
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: Not so good at making breakfast now that's so good him.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: What do you think that you're really good at, not
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: with regard to parenting, but in life in general, Like,
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: what do you think one of your greatest gifts is?
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm a pretty good friend, Like I
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: keep in touch.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Well, okay, I think.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: Now you're going to get some responses from my friends.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: They're going to be like, no, he doesn't, No, he doesn't.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: I don't need a lot of things or people to
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: be on top of me.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: Well I don't feel like I do either, And I
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: feel like sometimes that bites me in the ass a
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: little bit, that, like, because I don't need a lot,
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: then sometimes I don't maybe necessarily give.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: Ah, yes, sir, I think those two things are yes. Yes.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: I think if you do one, you do the other exactly. Yeah,
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: I'm guilty of the same thing.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't need a ton from you, So then
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: maybe if I don't always give it back, then I'm
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: looked at as sort of being selfish or being I
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: don't know. That's a thing that I just sort of
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: realized about myself.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but selfish is a judgment, so like you shouldn't
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: think about it that way. You should think about like
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: are you taking good care of yourself or are you
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: actually like ignoring the needs of other people that are
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: important to you that kind of thing.
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: Well, that's a nice way to say it.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Well, that's I learned that in therapy.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: I'm going to give you. I'm going to just send
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: you like a venmo because I feel like this has
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: been a real therapy session.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Well that's great, because you're you're about to give therapy
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: to our callers that we have people live. I know.
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: I'm very excited.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so get ready, Catherine is going to give us
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: up to get us at speed. Hold on, No, you
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: don't get any REPI you don't get.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: Any Is there anything that I should know, like anything
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: I should be prepared for you?
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Well, there's a couple of sex questions but we're going
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: to take a quick break and we will be back
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: with colors and.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: Questions and and we're back.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: We are back. Let's start with a breakup question.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Oh boy, are you ready? Andrew?
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Are you ready?
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: My guess?
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, this might be This might be a quickie, but
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: we'll see what comes out of it. This comes from
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Tea in New Zealand. Dear Chelsea, I need to break
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: up with my boyfriend. We met last summer when we
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: started a new job together. Things moved super quickly. We've
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: been dating for about seven months now, but it's just
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: not working out. He's still a great person and I
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: care about him. I'm a twenty eight year old male
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: and he is twenty four. Now. My dilemma is this,
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: our work schedules are totally opposite. The days I'm not
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: working are the days he is working. And it's just
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: how our fixed schedules happen to work out. Not only that,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: but we live eighty five kilometers, which is about fifty
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: miles apart from each other.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you for that conversion.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: You're welcome.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you for doing that. I was trying
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: to do the math in my head.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: I can't do That's impossible. Even Sirih couldn't do it.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I had to find again. Okay later. We live fifty
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: miles apart from each other and work somewhere in the middle.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: We don't see each other often, and I've been trying
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: to schedule a time to hang out, but it's proven unsuccessful.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: He wants to hang out on Wednesday when I'm finished
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: with work, but I feel bad. He'd drive all that
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: way just for me to end things, and then he'd
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: have to drive back. However, I know ending things over
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: the phone is like the cliche movie Scumbag Move. Do
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: you think it's acceptable in this situation? If you were
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: in issues, would you hate the person who broke up
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: with you over the phone more than the person who
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: made you drive one hundred and seventy kilometers? Thank you, tea.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I think that's a phone call.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: Then if he's gonna be driving, yeah, that's just the
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: right thing to do.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Like I can't.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: You can't make somebody drive to you to get broken
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: up with, right.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: That's so fucking stupid that, first of all, that entire
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: conversation is stupid. They're in their twenties, they're not really dating.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: They'd live in the same city, fuck up in a relationship,
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: you don't live in the same city. You're in your
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: early twenties, You're not.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a big deal.
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: Beating each other.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: It's not a big deal. I'll just go out side
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: over the phone. Do not drag that out. That is
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: so obnoxious.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: I agreed, no text but phone call.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: Yes, I know. I'm sure they have really cute accents.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: But like done, I'm done. Yeah, I'm done with that one.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Got a nip it in the bud.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Next collar, well, our next.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: Collar is Devin. Devin says Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: nine year old gay man living in Portland, Oregon, and
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: on Halloween of twenty twenty one, my ex boyfriend of
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: two and a half years broke up with me. We
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: had a good relationship, but he often felt bound by
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: the constraints of our relationship. When we broke up, I
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: was utterly devastated. I've come a long way since our
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: breakup and have embraced my slutty phase by sleeping with
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: dozens and dozens of men and exploring other kinks that
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: I didn't have a chance to explore before. My problem
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: is this, even after a year and a half of
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: being separated. I still feel insecure about seeing my ex
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: in public or running into him at a party. Portland
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: is a small gay community, and I often see him
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: at our local gym. I can't help myself but think
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: about the guys he's sleeping with or the men he
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: might casually be dating. To add insult to injury, I
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: was primarily the bottom in our relationship and he rarely
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: let me top. I told him time and time again
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: that I wanted to top, but somehow we always found
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: ourselves in the same positions. After our breakup, I was
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: still logged into his Amazon account when I found a
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: douche used to clean your butthole before sex, and I
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: really got in my hat about him bottoming for other
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: guys when he wouldn't do that. In our relationship, we
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: struggled a lot with insecurities on both sides, and both
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: suspected the other wanted to sleep with guys with bigger dicks.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Did these feelings come up in heterosexual relationships as well?
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I've tried to refocus and channel my thoughts other places
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: when these things come up, but sometimes I can't help
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: but fixate on them. Any advice you have is much
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: appreciated much love, Debth and Devin is here with us
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: on the phone.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Devon's here. You can counsel him directly, Andrew. I can't
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: wait for.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: This, Devin. I the bottoming conversation. It really took a turn.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Den, I did not. I was not following hold on
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: Devon's muted first. Welcome your role, Andrew, your role? Okay, Devin,
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: do you see Andrew? Here's our special guest. How lucky
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: are you?
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: Hi? Hello, Devin? Have you since found a top that
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: satisfies your needs?
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: I'm still dating. I actually had a date last night,
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: just sort of like casually dating and kind of checking
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: things out, all right, So the answer, the short answer
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: is no, I just am kind of like still doing
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: my thing, sleeping around, doing what I can.
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: And what's the Portland scene. Light, it's a big gay scene.
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: It's relatively big, I would say, but it's a lot
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: of the same people. The pool is still kind of limited,
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: it seems like. And a lot of what I've encountered
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: is a lot of people are in open relationships.
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: Also. I now that's such a weird headache, right, people
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: who are like an open relationships and you're like, yeah,
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: do it or don't come on now.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: How long have you guys been broken up? You and
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: your ex boyfriend.
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: About a year and a half, so Halloween of twenty one,
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: so quite a while.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: What did you dress up as on Halloween?
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Is that really necessary?
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: Chelsea? I think it's impertinent question in this conversation. It's important.
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: The last few years I've dressed up is Trixie Mattel.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: Okay, So that, Chelsea, I feel like that's very informative. Okay,
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: I feel like we needed to hear that.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, Well, and then how does that change and pivot
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: your thinking?
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: Andrew, Well, I feel like you're a power bottom.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: Uh huh Okay, so you're definitely a power bottom. I
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: think that it's a long time for you to be
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: still obsessing about your ex. So have you been to therapy?
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: I have, yes, but it's been quite a while, just
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: because I was seeing a woman therapist and her and
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: I really hit it off. But then she recommended I
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: start singing a gay therapist because I was teaching her
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: more than I was I guess getting back. So she
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: recommended I see a gay therapist.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: And she sounds like a bottom.
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and the two guys that I saw I didn't
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: connect with them enough. I felt like I was venting
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: more than I was receiving.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: I guess, how are you meeting people in Portland? Are
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: you like on apps or is it just sort of
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: more of a general you're just hanging out in bars
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: and things or.
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: A little bit of both, like the Grinder, But it's
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: that's a lot of just like hookup culture, you know
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: what I mean. Yeah, Whereas like, so I went on
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: a date last night in fact, and I saw him
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: on Instagram, and that's kind of in a way, and
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: I kind of reached out and just kind of went
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: out on a limb, like, hey, I think you're really handsome,
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: kind of put myself out there. I said, I know
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: this is a little forward, but like, I think you're
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: really handsome. You seem like a cool guy. Can I
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: take you out? So we went out for a drink.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: So how'd that go?
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: It was really positive? Yeah, it was really yeah good,
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: it was a good experience.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's good.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: I think you have like a lot going on. I
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: think you're like allowing yourself to fix, which is just
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: kind of like a mental game that you're playing with yourself.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: And I think, you know, talk therapy is a good
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: way to like deal with that, because you shouldn't have
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: to be obsessing about, like it's none of your business
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: what he's doing with other people. He's not your boyfriend anyway,
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: it really doesn't matter. You're gonna have like a succession
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: of men in your life moving forward, and regardless of
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: Portland being a small town, so what, so like, the
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: sooner you warm up to the idea of bumping into
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: him and not being so injured by it, I think,
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: the sooner that it will become normalized, and the sooner
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: you can move on from this kind of tethering you
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: have to him.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: That's a very good way to say that, Chelsea is like,
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: he's not your ex boyfriend, He's just a man, just
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: another person.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you should, like you should actually try to
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: bump into him so that the quicker that that happens,
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: and the sooner you get the ball rolling of normalizing it,
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: even though if it might feel gross right now or
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: like you're not ready, I think you should kind of
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: just force yourself it's been enough time, and just force
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: yourself to be around him when you know you see him,
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: be cool. Hey, it's nice to see you don't bring
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: anything else other then just complete, like just be cool,
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: so that way you can leave that situation, he knows,
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: and then you kind of diminish the tension between you two.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: Mm hmm. Yeah.
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: And I think I run into him primarily at the gym,
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: and like you'll ask me to walk the dog or
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: watch her if he's out of town.
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: And there's part of it like that I don't.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: Love it either, because I don't like to be in
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: his space, Like I don't like going into his apartment.
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: I don't mind running into him at the gym, sure,
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: but yeah, it's like I don't really want to be
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: in a space I don't want to And I think
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: part of it's like I identify that I'm still a
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: little injured by some of these things, and like it's
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: all feels very surface level what we end up talking about.
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: It's all like bs, hey, how's it going, Just stupid stuff.
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: I feel like there's part of me that I still
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: want to talk about some things that I'm injured by
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: and some unresolved feelings. I guess, but I don't know
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: if I just need to like let that go and
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: move on and yeah, yeahybe, you just let that go.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: I think it's a practice of letting things go. It's
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: doesn't It's not the easiest thing because you can hold
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: grudges against people and lay blame because as long as
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: you're doing that, you're kind of the victim. And I
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: think there's a little bit of victim victimanus in there,
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. I think you should really
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: really try to practice letting go of any anger you
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: have towards him. Relationships don't work out all the time.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: It's really nobody's fault, you know what I mean, It's
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: just a matter of chemistry and longevity. So like, don't
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: hold I mean, I know you do, and I know
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: we all do. But it's something that you want to
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: start thinking about and actually start practicing, Like whether it's
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: a mantra, whether it's a meditation, whether it's you reminding
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: yourself every morning, like you want to give out love
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: not resentment. You know, as long as you're holding on
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: to that, it'll kind of have a negative effect on you.
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: Sure, Okay, I mean that's something that I could use
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: So thank you, he's getting double dose. We're giving to you,
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: and we're giving advice to you and to Andrew.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, thank you, You've also given it to me, Devin. So, like, now,
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: when you're like looking to date people, are you looking
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: for the opposite sort of person or are you looking
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: for someone who's sort of similar? Like I've not been
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: on the dating, but when you're scrolling through, are you
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: looking through sort of a similar situation or do you
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: feel like you.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: Are you hitting on him right now? Are you, Andrew?
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: Are you hitting on the Oh?
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sorry, Devin?
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Are you looking for someone that's based in New York.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: And sing whoopsy doodle? Anyway, Devin, are you good with
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: that advice? Can you start doing that? Can you do
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: you understand what I'm saying when I say start practicing it?
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: Like does that just sort of like let go kind
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: of forget about it, move on, just kind of like
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: let the like kind of like give up the resentment.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, look at him with love. Like whenever I don't
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: like someone, I'm always have to say, I'm like love
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: just love people who cares. You don't have to hang
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: out with that person, but just show them kindness and love.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: It's just good vibes to be given out anyway, you
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: know what I mean?
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: Sure? And I think kind of what right now, what's
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: kind of happening is begin these little fights or spats
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: and so then I like leave kind of like resentful,
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: and I'm like upset, and then I.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: Just like, where do you get in fights and spats?
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: Well, he's watching his dog.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah no no, no, no no no no, no, no more
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: watching the dog. That's no, that's a wrap on that.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: Like Andrews said, he doesn't like that.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: I don't like that either. Yeah, And you don't need
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: to be like his friend. You don't don't need to
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: be there to support him.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: Especially, you shouldn't be arguing with your ex boyfriend. There's
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: nothing to argue about. You're not together.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: But that makes sense why you're still hung up a
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: year and a half later, since there's been this sort
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: of punting.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: You are postponing this situation for yourself. So you have
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: to stop going over there and taking care of his dog,
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: and you certainly have to stop arguing with him. There's
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: no more arguing. You just won't participate in it. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay,
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: you can do this.
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: I can do it.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, go get them tiger. Okay, thanks for.
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: Calling, all right, Yeah, thank you guys.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: Thanks seven some people need a very firm hand.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: Was a real sweetheart, he was, and.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: He needed a swift kick in the ass because he's.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: Like he did, he cannot watch that man's.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: Dog going over watch oh and then fighting with that
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: fuck Oh. I'm like a fucking babysitting your dog. I
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: would never babysit anyone's dog. I once babysat this couple's
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: I worked with this girl at this restaurant once, and
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: she asked me to babysit her dogs and stay at
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: her house, which she thought was like fun for me.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: It wasn't.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: And so I decided after two nights, I'm like, I
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: can't stay here anymore. So I just wanted to stay
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: at my own place or I had a boyfriend or something.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: And so then I would just leave the dogs there
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: and go and feed them in the daytime and take
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: them for like maybe a walk. Yeah, and I did
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: that the whole week. I was like the worst dog
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: sitter in the world.
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: But they were fine, right.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah they were. But I wasn't dog sitting them. I
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: was feeding them.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: Well, that's one can argue. That's more important.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: Should we have to our next caller, Yes, let's go.
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: To our another one. Yeah, I'm very excited.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, well this look alive.
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: What have we got? What have we got?
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: Ramone? Ramone? Right, hey, Chelsea, I'm having a serious problem.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: My last three long term relationships have begun well, or
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: so I thought, they turned into toxic relationships that involved addiction,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: me being subjected to emotional abuse, manipulation, and sometimes violence.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: I ignored quite a few red flags at the beginning of
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: these relationships because I was raised to give people the
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: benefit of the doubt. I would also try to ignore
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: the bad and focus on the good, hoping they would change,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: and they never did. My question is, how do I
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: avoid ending up in yet another relationship with a toxic
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: or narcissistic manipulator without sacrificing my belief that people can
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: change and deserve second chances. I'm taking some steps already,
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: like listening to my intuition, being careful with ignoring red
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: flags as they appear, and just generally trying to protect
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: my energy and not give it so freely. I appreciate
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: any help and insights. Ramone, Hi, Ramone.
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: Hi, Ramone, that was a very thorough description of your relationships.
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: Thank you for sharing that.
• 38:53
  Speaker 5: Well, thank you. Yeah, it's been three in a row
• 38:56
  Speaker 5: of verbal and physical abuse, addiction, and then realizing my
• 39:01
  Speaker 5: most recent relationship was a narcissist on top of all
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: that as well.
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: Oh boy, how long did the relationships last?
• 39:07
  Speaker 5: So my first with my ex husband was ten years?
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: Oh wow?
• 39:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and then the third one was about five and
• 39:14
  Speaker 5: this most recent was three, So it's almost spent twenty years.
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: That's a long time. Yeah, Chelsea, what do you I mean?
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: I'm sure that you had a lot of childhood trauma,
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: have you.
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah, So I was kind of raised to give people
• 39:27
  Speaker 5: second chances, and that's part of why I wrote in
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: was I don't want to give that up, and I
• 39:31
  Speaker 5: want to see people for who they are. But you
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: know I did. My dad used to beat my mom,
• 39:35
  Speaker 5: and you know, I grew up as an only child.
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: So I guess there's a lot of I can relate
• 39:39
  Speaker 5: to people and maybe in these situations and I kind
• 39:41
  Speaker 5: of bring them in.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay, Well I can tell by everything you're saying
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: that this is like textbook trauma. You believe that this
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: is you deserve this and that you can fix people.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Then that this is good enough for you, and that's
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: not good enough for you, and what you're in charge
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: of is changing the narrative of your own story. You're
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: the only person in the world that can and say
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: this is beneath me. I am no longer settling for this,
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: like no one else can do that for you. So
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: until you're ready to make that decision and that declaration
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: to yourself and to the entire world, then you're going
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: to keep bringing these people into your life. You have
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: the ability to stop this. It does not have power
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: over you. It does not.
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, with the most recent relationship, I did end it.
• 40:24
  Speaker 5: He's still, you know, harassing me here there. But for
• 40:26
  Speaker 5: the most part I'm away from it, and I'm being
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: more protective of my energy who I give it to,
• 40:31
  Speaker 5: who's around me, and just trying to be observant that
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: I don't again court that same energy to me. And
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: listening to podcasts like this and some other resources I've
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: been using is kind of getting me to that headspace
• 40:44
  Speaker 5: where I can maybe be a little more defensive without
• 40:47
  Speaker 5: giving up my belief that you know, we should bet.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: You don't have to think of it as a negative.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: Those two things aren't mutually exclusive, is what I'm trying
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: to say. You can hold all of that in a
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: very positive light. It's not like you're rejecting people. You're
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: a protect yourself. You don't have to think of it
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: as a rejection or as a defense mechanism. It's a
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: self preservation as self protection, something that you haven't been
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: practicing your entire life because of something that you had
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: no control over that happened to you as a child.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: But the difference here is you're an adult now, you
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: have all the control, and you're choosing to still set
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: up situations that are emblematic of your childhood. So it's
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: so much simpler than you even think it is, and
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: it's so much easier for somebody like an outsider to
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: point it out to you. Right, So I just want
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: you to have clarity about how easy this can be
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: once you, like really make the decision that you're done.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: And it sounds like you already have.
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, like I said, that relationship's over, I
• 41:41
  Speaker 5: still feel for these people, you know, and I wish
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: them ill. I want them to meet the most successful
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: people on the planet just over there, you know, away
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: from me. And you know, when I left this person,
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: I said, look, I got to look out for me.
• 41:51
  Speaker 5: I got to protect myself because I was getting to
• 41:53
  Speaker 5: a really kind of dangerous space, Like it was just
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: very stressful. I was constantly like fight or flight. I
• 41:59
  Speaker 5: couldn't sleep because I'm like, is it going to come
• 42:00
  Speaker 5: into the bedroom and cause a scene or do something drastic.
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: So but now I'm in my own place, my own space,
• 42:07
  Speaker 5: and just trying to focus. As you said, I'm protecting myself.
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: But just you know, I don't want to lose that
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: empathy for the people.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: You're not going to lose that. You don't lose that stuff.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: That stuff is ingrained in you. You know, you either
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: have empathy and you don't. I mean, you can gain
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: empathy if you don't have it, you can practice it.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: I've done that, But you don't lose what you have,
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: Like that's a natural gift. Most people have it, some don't.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: But you know, that's a separate conversation. But I believe
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: in you. I believe that you can totally make these changes.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: I know you can because you're thinking about it and
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: you don't have to be worried about you know, these
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: kinds of people coming into your life. You know how
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: to recognize it right away. Like you have a huge
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: advantage and it's not a rejection. It's a protection. Just
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: put a positive word to every negative word you're thinking,
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: because there always is one and it's usually the opposite.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And you don't have to think of empathy as
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: like this thing you're going to lose. The truth is
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: like there are red flags, there are orange flags, there
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: are yellow flags. So as you move forward.
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: Trying to a purple, I'm blue and green. Yeah.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: But just because you have empathy for someone doesn't mean
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: you need to let them into your innermost being or
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: you're checking account or or your life or your life
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: or any of those other things. Like Chelsea said, protecting
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: your energy and recognizing like, oh this person is showing
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: me red flags that means they're not a good partner
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: for me, but like I can still be friends with
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: them whatever. But seeing like some yellow flags like that
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: might be okay. It just depends on what that is
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: for you. But also knowing like you have a history
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: of being okay with those red flags coming into your space.
• 43:44
  Speaker 5: That's part of that acceptance. You know, I accept the
• 43:46
  Speaker 5: people as they are, And I'm good at compartmentalizing things
• 43:48
  Speaker 5: because I think I did that as a kid. It
• 43:50
  Speaker 5: compartmentalized on my dad beat my mom, but he also
• 43:52
  Speaker 5: loves me, So how do I resolve that? So when
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: a person's terrible to me, I'm like, well, but they're
• 43:56
  Speaker 5: really sweet here, so I'll just put this away and
• 43:58
  Speaker 5: I'll fix it later or we'll work on that. But yeah, now,
• 44:02
  Speaker 5: I mean, after you know, eighteen years of this, I
• 44:04
  Speaker 5: think I'm done hopefully, But yeah, I think that the
• 44:09
  Speaker 5: key is I just didn't want to just be so
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: cold and just like shut it all off, but kind
• 44:14
  Speaker 5: of bouncing it better, not giving it away and you know,
• 44:17
  Speaker 5: losing that part of me.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: But also like you're the conductor. It's not up to
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: other people, It's up to you. So it's easy when
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: you're in charge to you know that, like, Okay, I'm
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: the one who who's making these decisions ultimately to allow
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: these people into your lives. So it's not like, you know,
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: you have to defer to somebody else or you have
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: a partner that you're who's doing this. It's you, so
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: even and easier to fix.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: I wonder if there is an opportunity here because you
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: are continually attracted to these people who are.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: Horrible, You're gone to read that book attached also that
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: talks all about these kinds of unhealthy attachments. Have you
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: read that?
• 44:49
  Speaker 5: I got it on my audio read.
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: It started today.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: Please there might be a way to bring in some reinforcements,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: whether that's the friend who's been telling you for years
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: that this guy's bad for you, he's awful for you,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: way bringing in a friend, bringing in a therapist to
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: be like, Okay, here's what I'm experiencing in this new relationship.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: Is this actually healthy? Is this something I should move
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: toward or cut off right now or move into the
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: friend zone right now?
• 45:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, my company has some resources for therapy that I'm
• 45:15
  Speaker 5: going to, you know, look into, because it's just unaccepted.
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: I can't do it anymore. Like, I mean, it's just
• 45:19
  Speaker 5: been too long, you know, at my age, I don't
• 45:21
  Speaker 5: want to have another one of these pop ups. So yeah,
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: I definitely want to focus on making that not happen again.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: So yeah, and they're not your responsibility, you know, these
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: these other people in the relationship.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Ramone, go get your act together. I've got faith
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: in you.
• 45:37
  Speaker 5: Thank you. And like I said this podcast, actually when
• 45:40
  Speaker 5: I was in the darkest times with this person, helped
• 45:43
  Speaker 5: me get away from it because these conversations that you
• 45:46
  Speaker 5: have with people and the people you have calling in.
• 45:49
  Speaker 5: It really did help me a lot.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I'd love to hear that.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: Well, thanks for calling in ramone.
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: Thank you guys.
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: Jesus.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, lots of serious you got down your business. We're
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: running a medical practice here. This is serious ship.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: I know you're doctors.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: Everyone needs a self esteem boost, everybody. Everybody needs like
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: an injection of self esteem every morning.
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: It is really true. I think we could all use that.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: I know, I wish I knew what that could be.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like you come in the room
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: and it's an injection of self esteem. It's just like
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: like you give that to yourself in the morning because
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: you come in the room and it's just like here,
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: I am, I'm present. I don't know. It's big energy
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: in a good way.
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I appreciate that you are good energy. Andrew.
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: I think let's take a quick break. Okay, Oh my god,
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: you you always interrupt the breaks, Andrew, God, there's so long. Okay,
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: We're going to take a quick break. Andrew's not going
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: to say anything, and then we'll be right back and
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: we're back.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: We are back. This one should be an easy one.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: For Andrew. I'm back, I'm back, He's back. Dear Chelsea,
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: I'm forty one and my boyfriend is twenty six. We
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: met almost two years ago and he was super inexperienced sexually.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: When we met, we agreed we'd have an open relationship,
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: but so far we've been monogamous. Our sex is very
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: regular but incredibly vanilla. I've tried to spice it up,
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: but it's been met with very little enthusiasm. I feel
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: like he needs to experience more dick, a variety of dick.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: The thing is, I get anxiety when I think about
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: opening him up to others, but I really think it's
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: time to bring this up. What's your advice for go
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: out and get some dick? What's your advice for getting
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: myself comfortable and accepting that this young guy deserves my
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: permission for more penetration? Robert Andrew, Robert Robert No.
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: No, he's forty one and his boyfriend is twenty six.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, and they've been talked together since his everyone was
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: twenty four.
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: No, get no, let him go, set him.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: Free, like totally go yeah or a little bit who cares?
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: Just let yeah, he let him? I mean, you can't
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: force him to go get Dick. No, but you can
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: make the suggestion.
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: Yes, No, let him go, Robert, let him go.
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: Everyone needs to sew their oats. I really am a
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: firm believer of that. I mean, how do you know
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: what you like unless you try tons of different things.
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: Yes, you do a bunch of different stuff and then
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: figure it out. No, Robert, let him go.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: How old were you when you lost your virginity? Andrew?
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: I was sixteen?
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: Are you gold star that? I'm a gold start woman?
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: Gold star? But not platinum?
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: Oh wait, what's platinum?
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: Born via C section?
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: So never touched him, touched a vagina?
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: Got it?
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: I'm good enough.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: Platinum, okay, fantastic.
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: What's better than the platinum? Anything? No, I mean I
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: don't know there weren't father, If your mother was a
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: father and you never were even inside a woman's body? Well, no,
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: that because you have to Well no, I have to
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: take that one through.
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: Workshop it, workshop it, I will.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: I'll continue to workshop it. I'm sure it won't offend
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: anybody me questioning. Right, Well, we're ready to wrap it up, Andrew,
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: I'm going to encourage everybody to get your book.
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: Well, thank you so much. And I can't thank you
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: enough for having me again, huge, huge fan, first time caller,
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: but longtime listener, and man, no man, am I a
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: fan of yours And I'm so happy to meet you.
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: Thanks, honey, it's so nice to meet you.
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: We can end with that something, of course.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: Wait, make sure you guys all get a copy of
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: Uncle of the Year. That's his second book, andrew second book.
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: Congratulations on the publication. It's very funny. Everybody grab a
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: copy and read it. You're going to love it.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: Thank you, no problem, have a great.
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: Day, Thank you, bye bye.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: And I have just announced new stand updates for my
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: Little Big Bitch tour.
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: Guys.
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: I announced twenty five new cities. These are probably a
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: lot of the cities people have been mentioning in the comments.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: I start out in East Hampton.
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: I go to New York, d C.
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: During North Carolina, LA, Phoenix, Cleveland, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Chicago, Madison, Portland,
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: to name just some. I will be performing at the
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: Kennedy Center, everybody that's in DC October sixth. I'm super
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: psyched to be performing there.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: Also.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: I just outed second shows in New York, DC, Seattle,
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: and San Francisco. There are more I have dates coming
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: up for the next three months and then more dates
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: coming up in the fall. So those have all been announced.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: They're on my Instagram page, or you can go to
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: Chelsea Hamma dot com. Thank you. If you'd like advice
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: at gmail dot com and be sure to include your
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Dickert executive producer Katherine Law and be sure to check
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.