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How to finally leave a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about how to finally let go of a narcissist
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  or a toxic person, toxic relationship or whatnot.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  episode 1000 of the Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back, Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Y'all 1000 episodes.
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  What the hell that is. Yeah, that is crazy to me.
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  The fact that I've sat in front of this is the same exact well,
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  if I switch cameras, I switch cameras.
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  Same exact, you know, two different cameras.
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  But I've been filming these videos for three years. 1000 of
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  these narcissist code podcast videos.
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  Thousand. That is crazy y'all.
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  So I decided to make episode 1000 about how to finally let go
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  or leave a toxic relationship. Toxic narcissistic person.
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  So the 1st way, the first thing you want to do when you're
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  leaving a doc's narcissistic person y'all is make a plan.
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  You. Absolutely.
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  You don't want to free will it, you know you don't you you want
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  me what they got to free ball it to free.
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  You know just randomly just try to do.
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  You don't want to just randomize it because you want to be safe.
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  You want to be protected. You want to be strong.
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  You want to, you know you want all, all of the above when
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  you're trying to leave a toxic, narcissistic person because you
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  never, ever know how they're going to react, right.
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  You never know how they're going to react.
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  You don't like some people. They feel like you're leaving
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  them. They and they don't want to take
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  accountability. They will blame you up until the
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  very end. And just some of them can become
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  dangerous, you know, Some of them can become extremely,
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  extremely dangerous and try to hurt you or try to harm you or
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  something along those lines. They might very well just lose
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  their damn minds and try to just hold you hostage and take take
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  your life, you know, threatening to harm your kids if you have
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  kids. So you need to make a plan.
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  You know you absolutely need to make a plan like and your plan.
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  Don't rush the plan unless you you know, unless your safety is
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  in in question. But don't rush the plan.
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  You know some people's plans take a week.
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  Some people plan take 18 months. Some people plan take 2-3 years.
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  Your plan is your plan. Your relationship is going to be
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  different than anybody else's relationship dynamic.
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  You understand what you have to do.
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  You might need to set up a plan to make money to get a job or
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  something like that. You might have to set up a plan
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  to to pay child support. Whatever the dynamic is, where
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  you going to live, where you going to go, who you going to
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  tell? You need to make a plan and tell
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  people that you can trust. You know, because this is, this
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  is one of the first things you want to do.
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  The next thing you want to do in this space right here, y'all is
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  to just acknowledge that it's that you tried your best.
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  You did. You did everything you could do.
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  You did everything that you were willing to do.
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  Some things you're not just willing to do.
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  You know, you did everything that you could do that you were
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  willing to do. What does that mean, Lee?
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  What what? What do you mean with everything
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  we could do or willing to do. You know, some people will want
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  you to try polygamy or an open relationship or something like
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  that. If you're not comfortable with
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  that, then don't do that. You know, if you are not
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  comfortable with that, then do not do that because that's not
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  going to, that's not going to protect you.
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  That's not going to keep you safe for that, by any means, by
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  any. If you don't do, If you're not
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  comfortable with something, Don't step outside your comfort
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  zone to stay in a toxic relationship, especially if it's
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  something that they want to do. I want to see you with another
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  person. I want to tie you up and throw
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  you. I want to drown you.
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  Water, breath, plate, whatever it is, y'all you tried.
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  Everything that you were willing to do.
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  Just acknowledge that it's OK. You did everything you willing
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  to do. You turn.
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  You turned over every stone that was worth turning over.
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  You know you did. You did.
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  You absolutely did. Y'all.
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  And so the third thing that I would say that you need to do in
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  order to live a toxic relationship is be OK with not
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  knowing. There's a big one right there.
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  Be OK with not knowing. Not knowing why they did what
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  they did. Not knowing who they're who
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  they've been talking to, Not knowing where they're going to
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  go. Or you know what they're, you
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  know what they're going to do when you leave.
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  Be OK with not knowing why they treated you the way that they
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  treated you. Be OK with not knowing.
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  Yeah. Sometimes you don't need the
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  answers to certain questions. You don't.
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  I mean, sometimes you do for court and stuff like that.
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  But if it's like, who is their fair partner who they've been
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  cheating with? Is it real?
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  You know, Is it, you know, are they in love with somebody else?
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  Be OK with not knowing the answers to certain things.
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  You have to be OK without knowing certain things because
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  like if you who, who else are you going to get the answers
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  from Because you see how they can lead to you getting hoovered
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  back into a relationship space. You know it can lead to you
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  being hoovered or sucked back into a relationship dynamic with
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  somebody that you don't need to be in a relationship with.
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  You see it and you know exactly what I mean when I say that,
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  like, it can lead to you getting sucked back into this space with
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  them. It absolutely could.
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  That you don't want to necessarily be in a relationship
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  space with these people, because that's how you end up.
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  That's literally how you end up getting taken advantage of and
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  whatnot. How do you get sucked back into
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  it? Because you need answers.
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  Why'd you do this? You know?
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  Why wasn't I enough? Why did you do this?
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  Why did you treat me so bad? Why you treat the next person
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  better be OK with not knowing the answers to certain things,
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  because hanging on to those answers feel like you need those
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  answers is almost equivalent to needing to needing closure from
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  a person. You don't need closure for a
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  touch relationship. Now, you know, you absolutely
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  Nah, Nah, goodness. You absolutely do not need
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  closure from a toxic narcissistic person.
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  That's not something you need. I know some people will, that
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  people will argue with me and fuss and fight with me on that
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  one right there. But you don't need closure, yo.
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  They all say be OK with not knowing.
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  You have to because they helps you.
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  They help strengthen you right there.
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  They helps you. They just, it helps you resolve
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  some things. Some things are, you know, some
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  things are none of your business, put it that way, You
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  know, because you have to be empowered and whatnot.
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  You know the next thing? Y'all be OK with asking for help
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  for from the right people, from the from the right people be OK
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  with asking for help getting the support system.
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  Because sometimes y'all, it's hard doing things on your own.
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  Can you do it on your own? Yes, possibly.
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  But it's hard doing things on your own in these situations
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  where you don't know, like I said, that you've never
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  experienced something like this before when nobody been in your
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  corner the whole time. You find support system
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  communities and things like that.
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  I have communities and support systems coming up here pretty
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  soon. Like, find people who are going
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  through, who've had similar shared experiences on you with
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  you, like similar, shared, similar shared experiences as
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  you have. You know, because that helps.
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  You know that other people understand what you've been
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  through because it's hard telling people what you've been
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  through if they don't understand it.
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  Because, again, people can give you bad advice.
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  Like, well, doesn't that doesn't sound that bad?
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  You should go back to that person.
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  You shouldn't break your family up because of this.
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  The Bible says this. The Bible says that.
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  You know what I mean? This is what a lot of people
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  experience right here. So that's why I'm telling people
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  in these situations and in these spaces, this is what a lot of
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  people have to do. You know, this is seriously what
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  a lot of people have to do. This is the thing that you face,
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  a lot of people face. So none of the next thing, y'all
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  I know this is going to be, this is going to be one of the tough
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  ones right here. Y'all.
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  You have to acknowledge that the abuse that you experienced was
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  real. You have to acknowledge it.
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  You notice I said you capital Y, capital O, capital U.
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  You have to acknowledge it because so many people think
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  because they would not like emotional abuse is abuse.
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  Y'all. You know, I think people, so
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  many people get caught up. The fact they were not they,
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  they they didn't get their hands put on them.
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  Like, I didn't get hit. I didn't get kicked.
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  I didn't get punched. I didn't get anything thrown at
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  me. So I wasn't really abused.
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  Yeah, it's still abuse. So many people don't acknowledge
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  what they went through and what was happening to them.
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  And then it keeps them in this space right here that you don't
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  think that you were absolutely abused.
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  You are a victim of abuse. You know, I don't.
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  I'm not saying you have to sit in victim mode or victimhood.
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  You can shift from victim to survivor to Thriver.
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  That's the point right there. You know, that's the point.
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  That's the goal. People shift from victim to
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  survivor to thriver. That's what we do.
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  That's what you do. That's how we empower each
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  other. That's how you empower yourself.
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  That's the next steps on the right direction right there.
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  Acknowledge that it was real. You have to.
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  That's one of the things you have to do y'all.
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  Acknowledge what you went through.
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  It was real because so many you because you could have been
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  getting gas lit for so long. You could have been getting
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  driven crazy for so long. You don't know what the hell is
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  real. You don't know.
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  Like you don't know left from right, up from down.
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  You know you don't know the East from West.
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  You're from South. You don't know.
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  You've been so confused and ghastly for so long that you
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  don't know the answer to what you've been.
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  You don't know the answer. You don't have the answers and
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  it's and it's OK. It's absolutely OK.
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  You know, because you're growing and you're you're growing.
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  You're struggling with what you used to be, You know, it helps
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  empower you right there. Y'all it just does.
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  Acknowledging that what you went through, because that helps
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  empower you. But damn, I survived that.
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  Look what I survived because I'll be real with y'all.
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  Not everyone makes it out. Everyone doesn't make it out of
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  these touch relationship dynamics.
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  There are so many people that never like you are blessed you
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  to understand what you're going through, to to have this
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  knowledge in front of you. Because think about it, so many
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  people have been in the same spot or the similar positions as
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  you. They will never ever understand
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  what they're going through. There's billions.
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  Like, yeah, I have crossed all my platforms.
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  I probably have like over 3 million people that follow me,
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  but there's billions of people on the planet, billions.
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  So there's so many people who will not understand what they
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  went through, what they're going through.
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  They will never ever understand it.
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  So you yourself are survivor. You survived this and you had
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  the knowledge. You got the knowledge to be
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  blessed to get out of it or to understand it, to help you deal
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  with it and process it, you know?
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  Because that's what that's what happens right there.
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  Like I said, and then I'll probably the next thing you want
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  to do y'all is take a deep dive within yourself.
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  You know you have to take a deep dive within yourself to
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  understand how you got here. Because of understanding how you
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  got here can help you not get here.
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  Again, not with the same person, not with someone else.
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  You know, understand how you got here because they helped empower
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  you. It helps you move forward.
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  It helps you be as strong as you possibly can.
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  You know, understand how you got here because that helps
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  strengthen you from the for the future.
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  Because I know so many people just like, well, I don't want to
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  end up with another narcissist. This is how you don't end up
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  with another narcissist. This is right here.
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  Understand how you got here. What happened, what role, what,
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  what roles were played in this situation right here to help you
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  understand it further, you know, to help you understand it
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  further because that empowers you, that strengthens you up
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  right there. That's just part of the dynamic.
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  I'm just telling you understand it.
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  Look, take a deep dive within yourself.
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  You know the next thing you want to do.
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  What's this? Seven.
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  I think it's A7 right here. Y'all 7.
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  Judge the relationship right now.
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  Right now. Yeah.
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  Judge it for what it is Right now.
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  Right now. How?
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  What is the relationship like right now?
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  Right now? Not in the past.
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  Not how it could be. What's going on right now to get
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  you to this point right here? What is going on in the
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  relationship right now? Well, maybe it can get better
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  right now. Focus on it now.
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  Don't gaslight yourself. Don't give yourself false hope.
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  Don't take false hope from them. Don't let them gaslight you
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  right now. How do you get from like right
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  now, right now? Judge the relationship right
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  now. Judge how they are treating you
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  right now, Not how they used to treat you, how they've been
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  treating you recently. Yes, we have a recency bias in
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  types of judging types of relationships.
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  We have a recency bias, like what's going on right now?
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  What's the most recent thing that's going on right now?
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  And I feel like the next thing you want to do, y'all #8.
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  The last thing I was talking about today is make a list of
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  things that make you uncomfortable about this person.
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  Doctor Romney calls it an ick list.
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  Make a list of all the bad things that you have done that
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  this person has done to you, that all the bad things that
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  you've had to survive. Make yourself an ick list in
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  order to empower yourself, because when you want to reach
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  out to them, your hand is shaking and you feel like you
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  have a withdrawal symptoms from this relationship.
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  You want to be able to look at that list and like, OK, that's
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  what it is. That's what I've experienced.
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  This is why I don't want to go back.
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  Boom, gotcha. It helps empower you more than
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  what you under, more than you ever know.
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  That's part of the dynamic. That's part of the space that
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  you that you survived in that you've been in you know So
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  empower yourself to keep moving forward and survive and thrive.
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  Y'all you know and the next thing you want to do.
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  This is the bonus #9. Doing my lose letter y'all
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  'cause I have a a couple video series slash courses coming out.
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  I'm out. I'm creating a community as well
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  for survivors and thrivers and what not to you know,
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  congregate, talk, you know be make friends and things like
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  that. My newsletter link is in the
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  description of every single video and podcast that I do.
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  That's what y'all that's the gift that y'all can give me for
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  episode 1000. This is crazy.
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  Y'all I appreciate every single one of y'all will follow me on
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  this journey. Just like, you know, I don't
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  know, I'm just super thankful. I'm super grateful.
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  I really, really am. Make sure you subscribe.
• 13:29
  If you haven't, that's another one.
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  I guess I'll give we give me gifts today.
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  It's my birthday. It's like my channel birthday.
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  Thank you so much. Y'all but the this is out peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
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  for being here. If you haven't already, make
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  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 13:47
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 13:49
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 13:53
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 13:55
  fault on Amazon, so check that out.
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  Thank you. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.